A ray of light shines down on a leather-bound storybook. The book opens and a voice begins reading its text: UNKNOWN: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love's first kiss. The voice laughs. A big, green hand rips out a page of the book and shuts it closed. UNKNOWN: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Out steps SHREK, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily routine. This includes taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign. In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. The villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME Villager 1: Think it's in there? Villager 2: All right. Let's get it! Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? Villager 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. Shrek chuckles, revealing himself to be standing behind the mob. SHREK: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. The mob gasp. SHREK: Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin... Shrek slowly approaches as the villagers back away in fear. Villagers: No! SHREK: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. Villager 1: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (Waves the torch at Shrek.) Shrek licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches. SHREK: (Whispering) This is the part where you run away. The men drop their torches and pitchforks and flee as fast they can. SHREK: And stay out! (looks down and picks up a wanted poster. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairytale creatures." (He sighs and drops the paper on the ground.) THE NEXT DAY - FOREST Lines of fairy tale creatures are put in chains and are led into wagons by Duloc Guards. The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying people for tuning in the fairytale creatures in. Waiting in line is Donkey on a leash and his owner. Some of the others in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs. GUARD: All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up! THE CAPTAIN: Next! GUARD: (Taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half) THE CAPTAIN: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! GUARD: Get up! Come on! Mama Bear and Papa Bear are locked inside giant cages, with Little Bear in his own cage. LITTLE BEAR: (crying) This cage is too small. DONKEY: (To his owner) Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! OLD WOMAN: Oh, shut up. (Smacks Donkey) DONKEY: Oh! THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got? GEPPETTO: This little wooden puppet. PINOCCHIO: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows) THE CAPTAIN: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. PINOCCHIO: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me! Geppetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table. THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got? OLD WOMAN: Well, I've got a talking donkey. THE CAPTAIN: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. OLD WOMAN: Oh, go ahead, little fella. (Donkey stays silent). THE CAPTAIN: Well?.. OLD WOMAN: Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. (Smacks Donkey again) Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk! THE CAPTAIN: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! OLD WOMAN: No, no, he talks! He does. (Moving Donkey's lips) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talking-est damn thing you ever saw. THE CAPTAIN: Get her out of my sight. OLD WOMAN: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and starts floating upwards. DONKEY: Hey! I can fly! PETER PAN: He can fly! THREE LITTLE PIGS: He can fly! THE CAPTAIN: He can talk?! DONKEY: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (The pixie dust's effects begin to wear off) Uh-oh. (He drops out of the air and hits the ground with a thud.) THE CAPTAIN: Seize him! Donkey dodges the guards as they try to grab him and runs deeper into the forest. GUARDS: He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn! Donkey escapes deeper into the forest and runs head first into Shrek's backside. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him and glares down at Donkey. Donkey looks scared of Shrek for a moment, but he quickly hides behind him after seeing that the guards have caught up to him. THE CAPTAIN: You there. Ogre! SHREK: Aye? THE CAPTAIN: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and...(Shrek slowly approaches the group of guards, the guards visibly frightened by him) transport you to... a designated...resettlement...facility? SHREK: Oh, really? You and what army? (Smiles) The Captain looks behind himself and sees that all the other guards have abandoned him. The Captain tucks tail and runs off. Shrek shakes his head and starts walking back to his swamp. Donkey, impressed by Shrek, follows him. DONKEY: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! SHREK: Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa! DONKEY: Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. SHREK: (Annoyed) Oh, that's great. Really. DONKEY: Man, it's good to be free. SHREK: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? DONKEY: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before loudly roaring in is face. DONKEY: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Shrek walks off. Donkey reappears ahead of him, dangling from a felled log. DONKEY: Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day. SHREK: Why are you following me? DONKEY: I'll tell you why. (Drops from the log. Singing) "'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have friends..." SHREK: Stop singing! (Picks up Donkey by his ears and tail) It's no wonder you don't have any friends (drops him). DONKEY: Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest. SHREK: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? DONKEY: (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh...really tall? SHREK: No! I'm an ogre! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? DONKEY: Nope. SHREK: Really? DONKEY: Really, really. SHREK: Oh. DONKEY: Man, I like you. What's you name? SHREK: Uh, Shrek. DONKEY: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of "I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me" thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill overlooking Shrek's home.) Woo, look at that! Who'd want to live in place like that? SHREK: (Annoyed) That would be my home. DONKEY: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. (Looks at Shrek's "keep out" signs) I guess you don't entertain much, do you? SHREK: I like my privacy. DONKEY: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint and they won't leave. And there's that big awkward silence you know? (awkward silence) Can I stay with you? SHREK: Uh, what? DONKEY: Can I stay with you, please? SHREK: (sarcastically) Of course! DONKEY: Really? SHREK: No.
A ray of light shines down on a leather-bound storybook. The book opens and a voice begins reading its text:
UNKNOWN: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower. For her true love and true love's first kiss.
The voice laughs. A big, green hand rips out a page of the book and shuts it closed.
UNKNOWN: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -
We see an outhouse and hear the sound of a toilet flushing. Out steps SHREK, an ogre, who tugs at his underwear and shakes his foot of the page still stuck to his shoe. He looks lovingly at the swamp he calls home, and goes about his daily routine. This includes taking a mud shower, brushing his teeth with bugs, bathing in a muddy pond, gathering giant slugs for dinner, and painting a warning sign.
In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night they gather their torches and pitchforks and enter the swamp, trampling over Shrek's warning signs. Shrek sees them after investigating the commotion, rolling his eyes. The villagers stop outside Shrek's home, unaware that Shrek is sneaking up behind them.
NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
Villager 1: Think it's in there?
Villager 2: All right. Let's get it!
Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
Villager 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
Shrek chuckles, revealing himself to be standing behind the mob.
SHREK: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.
The mob gasp.
SHREK: Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin...
Shrek slowly approaches as the villagers back away in fear.
Villagers: No!
SHREK: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Villager 1: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (Waves the torch at Shrek.)
Shrek licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek terrifies the mob with a great frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches.
SHREK: (Whispering) This is the part where you run away.
The men drop their torches and pitchforks and flee as fast they can.
SHREK: And stay out! (looks down and picks up a wanted poster. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairytale creatures." (He sighs and drops the paper on the ground.)
THE NEXT DAY - FOREST
Lines of fairy tale creatures are put in chains and are led into wagons by Duloc Guards. The Captain of the Duloc Guards sits at a table paying people for tuning in the fairytale creatures in. Waiting in line is Donkey on a leash and his owner. Some of the others in line include Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Geppetto who is carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer carrying the Three Little Pigs.
GUARD: All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
THE CAPTAIN: Next!
GUARD: (Taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half)
THE CAPTAIN: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
GUARD: Get up! Come on!
Mama Bear and Papa Bear are locked inside giant cages, with Little Bear in his own cage.
LITTLE BEAR: (crying) This cage is too small.
DONKEY: (To his owner) Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
OLD WOMAN: Oh, shut up. (Smacks Donkey)
DONKEY: Oh!
THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got?
GEPPETTO: This little wooden puppet.
PINOCCHIO: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)
THE CAPTAIN: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
PINOCCHIO: Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!
Geppetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.
THE CAPTAIN: Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN: Well, I've got a talking donkey.
THE CAPTAIN: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
OLD WOMAN: Oh, go ahead, little fella. (Donkey stays silent).
THE CAPTAIN: Well?..
OLD WOMAN: Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. (Smacks Donkey again) Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk!
THE CAPTAIN: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN: No, no, he talks! He does. (Moving Donkey's lips) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talking-est damn thing you ever saw.
THE CAPTAIN: Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN: No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and starts floating upwards.
DONKEY: Hey! I can fly!
PETER PAN: He can fly!
THREE LITTLE PIGS: He can fly!
THE CAPTAIN: He can talk?!
DONKEY: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (The pixie dust's effects begin to wear off) Uh-oh. (He drops out of the air and hits the ground with a thud.)
THE CAPTAIN: Seize him!
Donkey dodges the guards as they try to grab him and runs deeper into the forest.
GUARDS: He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!
Donkey escapes deeper into the forest and runs head first into Shrek's backside. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him and glares down at Donkey. Donkey looks scared of Shrek for a moment, but he quickly hides behind him after seeing that the guards have caught up to him.
THE CAPTAIN: You there. Ogre!
SHREK: Aye?
THE CAPTAIN: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest and...(Shrek slowly approaches the group of guards, the guards visibly frightened by him) transport you to... a designated...resettlement...facility?
SHREK: Oh, really? You and what army? (Smiles)
The Captain looks behind himself and sees that all the other guards have abandoned him. The Captain tucks tail and runs off. Shrek shakes his head and starts walking back to his swamp. Donkey, impressed by Shrek, follows him.
DONKEY: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!
SHREK: Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa!
DONKEY: Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
SHREK: (Annoyed) Oh, that's great. Really.
DONKEY: Man, it's good to be free.
SHREK: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
DONKEY: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before loudly roaring in is face.
DONKEY: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks!
Shrek walks off. Donkey reappears ahead of him, dangling from a felled log.
DONKEY: Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day.
SHREK: Why are you following me?
DONKEY: I'll tell you why. (Drops from the log. Singing) "'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have friends..."
SHREK: Stop singing! (Picks up Donkey by his ears and tail) It's no wonder you don't have any friends (drops him).
DONKEY: Wow. Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
SHREK: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
DONKEY: (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh...really tall?
SHREK: No! I'm an ogre! You know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?
DONKEY: Nope.
SHREK: Really?
DONKEY: Really, really.
SHREK: Oh.
DONKEY: Man, I like you. What's you name?
SHREK: Uh, Shrek.
DONKEY: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of "I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me" thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill overlooking Shrek's home.) Woo, look at that! Who'd want to live in place like that?
SHREK: (Annoyed) That would be my home.
DONKEY: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. (Looks at Shrek's "keep out" signs) I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
SHREK: I like my privacy.
DONKEY: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint and they won't leave. And there's that big awkward silence you know? (awkward silence) Can I stay with you?
SHREK: Uh, what?
DONKEY: Can I stay with you, please?
SHREK: (sarcastically) Of course!
DONKEY: Really?
SHREK: No.
I agree with this statement. Earsat rules, Famousmapper drules! Haha. Love it so much, Earsat babe. xxxxxxx
Bee Movie Script
According to all known laws
of aviation,
there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Ooming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry?
- Adam?
- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.
- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.
Never thought I'd make it.
Three days grade school,
three days high school.
Those were awkward.
Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.
You did come back different.
- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.
- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.
- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.
Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.
Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.
I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.
That's why we don't need vacations.
Boy, quite a bit of pomp...
under the circumstances.
- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!
- Bee-men.
- Amen!
Hallelujah!
Students, faculty, distinguished bees,
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of...
...9:15.
That concludes our ceremonies.
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!
Will we pick ourjob today?
I heard it's just orientation.
Heads up! Here we go.
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.
- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.
Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco
and a part of the Hexagon Group.
This is it!
Wow.
Wow.
We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.
Our top-secret formula
is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured
into this soothing sweet syrup
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as...
Honey!
- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!
- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.
- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive
to improve every aspect
of bee existence.
These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.
- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.
Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.
- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey
that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?
Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know
that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.
But choose carefully
because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.
The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.
What's the difference?
You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off
in 27 million years.
So you'll just work us to death?
We'll sure try.
Wow! That blew my mind!
"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?
One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.
I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.
But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?
Why would you question anything?
We're bees.
We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.
You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?
Like what? Give me one example.
I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.
Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.
Wait a second. Oheck it out.
- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.
I've never seen them this close.
They know what it's like
outside the hive.
Yeah, but some don't come back.
- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!
You guys did great!
You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!
- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.
Their day's not planned.
Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.
You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.
Right.
Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.