Wife of the Party Podcast # 200 - Fathers of Teen Girls with Bert & Stephen
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ย. 2024
- It’s our 200th episode! Thank you to all of our listeners for supporting us for 200 episodes! Today, I sit down with my husband Bert and Cathy’s husband Stephen. We talk about what it’s like to be a father raising teenage girls, boundaries, curfew, college, how they change, our favorite parts, how we can improve as parents, and much more!
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When Bert said you realize when you get older how great your dad is….so true.
Hearing Bert praise his dad for tearing him down his entire life, and believing it was his own fault/made him better in some way is heartbreaking and actually sums up a good deal of why my parents generation is so messed up (I'm 33 for context, my parents are in their late 50s). ALSO want to say Bert is going to be the BEST Grandpa ever so he should try to look forward to that!!! 😊
I'd actually be really interested in seeing the kids' response to some of this, because I'm sure this type of deep conversation doesn't get to take place face to face.
Even when LeeAnn has the girls on, I'm sure they hold back, at least a bit. If there were an episode with only the daughters, no parents, and Halston queued up a series of relevant clips from *this* episode as discussion topics that they'd watch one at a time and discuss with each other after hearing their Dad's unfiltered and personal thoughts, it could be very enlightening.
Appreciate this podcast and your insights, as a 30yr old male with no kids this helps me sympathize with others with kids.
"You're a third grader in a fedora" Bert is so funny lol.
OMG. This is my life right now, with my 17-year-old daughter. Thank you so much for this podcast, and all the other ones. You’ve been the best thing that’s come out of me following Bert.
LeAnn calling Bert on his empathy comment is why she's the best. He breaks down,she chuckles and continues life, different breeds
the fact he's calling selective memories "champagne memories" LOL
20 minutes in and I've already cried. This is already a very helpful podcast. Thank you for attacking this topic and giving insights. My daughter is only 10, but she is on the low end of puberty. She has already had her period and is going through the tornado. I lost 3 years of having my "little buddy" becuase of that and she is even less along in her mental development to understand and handle it. There is not many places for a good conversation about being a dad dealing with this. Thank you.
I think Bert is totally right on one point. I really think even if you don’t believe what your spouse is doing is right in the moment, you back them up and address any issues afterwards. I think to save face for both parents it is important to be a United front and never question each other in front of the kids.
100%. Kids ALWAYS come first. NEVER let them see parents fighting, that is a golden rule of parenting. And unless one parent is doing something just straight up dangerous or potentially very traumatizing, the other parent should definitely just grit their teeth through their disagreement until they can discuss it/have a fight/whatever, out of earshot of the kid.
Can you please clip out that part where Bert says" The things that I loved were replaced by the things I wasn't ready for" That's really Expresses an emotion that I've been feeling that I didn't know how to describe
I had a (definitely not original) thought while berty was talking about realizing his dad was a person: At some point, a parent comes to that same realization about their child. It’s the shedding of idealization from both directions that’s so uncomfortable. Bert felt it from one direction when he was 21, and now he’s on the other side of it with Georgia.
I’m 22 and trying to rebuild a relationship with my dad. I’ve wasted so much time rejecting him in the same ways described in this podcast, I’ve been doing it since I was 5 or 6 and the ‘phase’ still hasn’t passed. It’s sinking in that I only have one dad. It won’t just happen, I have to make it happen. Like Bert said, I’m not going to wait until my dad’s gone to realize how much I need him. It takes courage, but I have to do what’s right instead of what’s comfortable.
Thank you for this podcast Leanne. I’ve been feeling that separation between my dad and I since I was an early teen. This showed me how he may be feeling and that it’s not forever.
As someone who’s dad died when they were 17 and in the midst of the mess that is being a teenager, I agree with Bert. Spend more time with your dad, find the things you enjoy doing with them and do them every chance you get. Once those moments are gone there’s no way to get them back.
Leanne is such a sweet good woman. I’m so impressed with her. They are blessed to have her. ❤
This was one of my favorites so far and I really appreciate how vulnerable both dads were discussing how their daughters make them feel. That’s not easy. Great episode!! Leeann, didn’t realize you’ve been doing this so long! I’ve been a fan of Bert for a while now, but just discovered your page recently & have been LOVING all your content! Thank you for putting your thoughts, love and good vibes out into the world for us!!
11:00 I don't even have kids, but I felt this episode for these two Dads.
Bert hug Leeaan tonight tell her you'll never leave and do something nice for her with out wanting anything in return, so she knows you appreciate her a 100%. She needs hear that brother. 3times a week at least brother and both of you will appreciate eachother more. Affirmation & communication is key. Our Wifes/girlfriend's keep our lifes on track. They are the neck to our heads. They hold us up and make sure we go in the right way, to never hurt us only make sure we are better and stronger for life.
This episode can make a person cry especially the way the ending of the episode is
This is a good episode for being 39 and having three teenage daughters. It made me understand a lot about how girls think. Thanks
When Bert talked about Georgia leaving the phase he loved for one he wasn’t ready for💓
Your family is so Awesome! I have 1 child, she is 14 and a handful!! She should have an older and younger sibling but we miscarried so I really enjoy listening to others experiences with their teens! Keep up the awesomeness you’re putting out there!!! ❤️
Aw man, I’ve been listening for less than 15 min and I already want to call my dad and apologize for my teenage years🙈
I just have to say that I, and it sounds like maybe Georgia and Lily, wanted from my dad is to treat me like a grown up. My dad still treats me like a child sometimes and I’m 25 and it drives me crazy. So when I was a teen I resented him for it because he never got the clue. At that phase, you don’t want to talk with your dad about anything because you feel they won’t understand anything. What Leanne said about how they are trying to come to terms with growing up is a lot to process so you really want to just be left alone at times. Just remember that it isn’t an affront to dad it is her trying to process. Treat her like an adult not with kid gloves. So if another adult gives you signs that they don’t want to talk, you leave them alone; same thing. Also, continue to find those moments where you do connect like shopping or golfing and make an effort to continue doing those things. Trust me she notices it and appreciates it.
I just love you to death LeeAnn! I think you would be an awesome counselor!!
I think it's a challenge when a parent is on the road often and are basically the primary parent. I agree that being a "team" as a parent is healthy but how to handle it when you disagree with his view is a different issue. Sounds you daughter's are wonderful loving people😘🙏❤🤗
Wow!!!! Im 40 with a 19yr old daughter and this whole thing just hit every single nail on the head. I went through every single bit of this and i wish this podcast was out there to help me.....us get through the crazy transitions in life that we were BOTH going through. Its tough, but both parties should be open enough to understand each other.
what a lovely heart-warming episode, so happy that you guys are surrounded by great neighbors and people ❤❤❤
Congratulations on two hundred episodes ❤️❤️❤️
leanne, you have to be the most insightful person i listen to. so much love to you and your family! tell bert the girls will come back around, i know i eventually did.
It was nice to see Bart like this since his recent episodes of Two Bears have been concerning.
I wish my parents had so many of these talks with me, love the podcast
Watching all of these old episodes and had to comment. Really enjoying them Leeann thanks!😊.Its not about agreeing with him each time,its more that the girls were raised feeling on the same level as the adults. Leeann could alter her reaction in front of them instead of consoling the girls if theres an issue..its ok for them to hear the parents dont agree with them all the time....Bert made a good point towards the end. For Leeann, Bert needs to be the most important person to her. The girls come under that,always. Knowing their (all teens)place in the order of things, is what is lacking today.
Thank you for this content. I'm a mother of two boys 19 and 14 and Bert and Tony's experiences are just like mine with my sons, it helps me a lot to know I'm not alone. I learned a long time ago that as an adult and as they turn into adults the emotional pay off we get from nurturing them must change but it doesn't make it easier like Bert said "all the things I loved were over and it was replaced with a bunch of things I was not prepared for..". I might totally be misquoting here 😂 it's like grief; I lost my mom in 2018 after a horrific fight with dementia and losing my buddies has been harder by far. Thank you so much again.
Great episode! Haven't tuned in a while, love the wallpaper.
Powerful conversation
Bert you did not burn 4000 calories on your workout , I’d bet on it .Fantastic podcast I have a 20 year old daughter with BPD and this is so good
10 minutes in and i definitely can see myself crying
1:57:30 Kinda shocked at the conversation here. Having a united front against your kids is parenting 101. Trying to “be right” against your spouse in front of your kids can lead to a huge amount of problems. Often smart kids will start playing both sides subtly. Probably why your strugglingly so much with teenagers especially teenage daughters. Sounds like your daughters did the classic team up with mom and act like dad is a stupid man. Will probably lead to problems when they find out very few men or people in general like being walked over like Bert and Stephen. I think having too many independent minded people can lead to a whole host of problems. Not saying each parent shouldn’t independently be strong, but they definitely should think team first with the goal being raising competent and respectful kids. That’s why so many organizations and teams succeed (think NE Patriots - no one player even Brady was bigger than the team). Also why so many Asian and Nigerian kids do well - very family oriented (“we” v. “me”). They’re not just trying to make a good (player) person but a great member of the team (family).
It would be AWESOME to have Bert as your dad!
my wife's never on my team either big guy 😂
Thank you for the next book I need to read! Untangled
What an amazing podcast!
I applaud this gay couple raising teenage girls.
LeeAnn. I love this podcast. My husband and I don't have children and can't. We are both in our 40's. Some of this podcast I need to put into practice in my marriage. Listening and patience. The guys were talking about there teenage to Father dynamic. But I can apply some of this knowledge in my marriage.
We're you ever a counselor or phycologist? Your very smart and knowledgeable. Please please keep doing your podcast. I love and truly appreciate the information.
to bert and stephen and any other worried papas out there, from a 22 year old girl with an amazing father, it really does get better!!!
it pains me to recall how i treated both my parents growing up but ESPECIALLY my father. he always has been so loving and doting and there for me no matter what. when i was younger i found him so annoying LOL always in my business and hanging around talking about weird stuff and embarrassing me in public places. but now i realize its just because his kids are his favorite people in the world! and i believe everyone with parents that truly love them and do whats best for them will come to this realization :) i now adore having long conversations with my dad about his childhood and what he thinks of current events and trying out all his new recipes and giving him as many hugs as i can before i have to leave. it makes me so happy to be able to see where all of the most interesting unique parts of myself come from.
I know it is the toughest job in the world but keep up the good work!! you will have that sweetness and tenderness back again in no time :)
Congratulations on podcast #200. Great choice of content for it also ❤👍🏻
This podcast makes me feel so sad for Bert. "Maybe it's just me, maybe I just can't help but cause problems and fuck things up"... no, honey, you were emotionally neglected as a kid and you really need therapy. It makes me see how Bert and LeAnn fit together a little more; their broken pieces fit together and made it safe for them to heal together (in a healthy way)
I wish someone would tell Bert that his fears about gaining and losing weight are not warranted. You did not 'gain' 3 pounds in a day by eating donuts or something the day before. That's not how weight works. It would probably alleviate a lot of his stress about eating
Minute 56.... say what you will about bert, but is no one going to talk about how he got shit on hard ... berts problems are obvious but is anyone ever giving him a break? Seams like everyone in the family shuts him down constantly which i would say is just as bad a his drinking.
Just finished and I'm doubling down. You never seem to be on berts team. Hes the clown at 2 bears and in comedy and he comes home and just wants someone to have his back instead of being critical of him....I feel ya bert!
Did you miss how many times Leanne complimented him in this podcast?!
Maybe you should watch him in his 2 bears episodes and you'll understand better 😆
As a mother of a 17yr old son, I can relate to this in several ways from the daughters perspective but also now from the parents.
I don’t think L.A. parents are more sensitive to their emotions and their child’s emotions. I live in illinois and it’s like that here. Times are very different and I do wonder if that’ll be positive or negative or even make a difference in their lives when our kids become adults.
Very interesting discussion, loved it!!
What a great podcast!!hey,remember the shows you did about sex and menopause??so helpful!!do some more please!♥️happy healthy holidays ya'll ♥️
Stephen thank you for your great brilliant comments. Honestly, i thought your insight to how daughters MAY have conflict understanding vilification of the white male. I’ve been guilty of doing this-you and Bert don’t have to worry about this. You’re DECENT great men. I try daily not to make generalizations re white men 🙏
Just remember whatever issues you have with the kids don't have to be solved right then in there you guys are the parents you have the opportunity say we need to speak about this and discuss this and make an opinion before we give you a decision
1:02:53, good parent insight.
Really enjoyed this podcast!
23:01, fair point.
I’ve never heard the phrase “out of my skis on this”
Im the oldest and I was never like this but my parents now say they say because I wasn’t I didn’t prepare them for my younger siblings
Great episode
As parents are we losing empathy for our kids once they want to battle us
Why are we all so defensive how can we find a way to just say I love you when they are hurting
These dynamics confuse me daily . Our brains get so used to attacking one another
Would LeeAnn have Dr.Ramani on the podcast?
57:13, indeed
Context is key with any human contact. How can anyone expect you to know their situation if they’ve not told it to you. There’s a man and his two kids on a train. His children are acting up and causing a scene. Finally other passengers on the train are bothered enough to say something to the man. A man sitting beside him says, you should calm those wild children down they’re causing a scene. They father looks at the man and says, yeah you’re probably right, but we’ve just left the hospital where their mother passed away today and I’m not sure what to do next. Without context they’re just screaming kids but with a 5 minute conversation maybe you can empathize and understand.
I am listening to the discussion about parents being a united front and not taking sides with the kids (1:58) and Leanne is describing a situation where she is "the middleman" but that is not always a helpful role for a parent to take. I have 4 siblings and my parents did this with us and it ended up really messing up dynamics and deteriorating my relationship with my dad. My mother's involvement in our disagreements put a wedge between our relationship, and my dad's involvements with my sister and mom's disagreements led to a wedge of their own. I think that as much as Leanne thinks she is being helpful, parents should stand united towards their children, or strange dynamics of power might develop. Even if you don't agree with your spouse, I don't think that should be broadcasted to the children. The children might begin to undermine that parent.
I have infant daughters and dread this moment
my sister just had her first kid today
30:18 lmao
My daughter is 10 & has hit puberty early and it’s like my little girl has turned into a different person. Bittersweet but she still loves our relationship to death. I lost my mom round so idk about this transition.
Hi LeeAnn! I don't have kids so I have no idea of the struggles Bert is going thru. I'm 43 and i don't see having my own kids ever but I'll gladly hook up with a chick with kids and be a stepfather. I had a pretty rough past so I really don't remember what it's like to be a teenager but I'd try to do my best. you and Bert have raised two great individual personality daughters. Georgia is like you and Ila is like Bert in that Ila and Bert always show their emotions on their sleeve while you and Georgia are kind of guarded and I'm sometimes not sure if you're happy or not when you or her aren't smiling. that sounds weird but I've been a fan since the beginning and it's just something i've noticed. Enjoy your weekend and I'll catch you next thursday. Peace
How did you get Brent ?
❤❤
17:36, 😆
Too quick to react to your kids if the kids come out with something out of the blue then as parents you said that's something going to have to talk to your father about or that's something I'm have to talk to your mother about any of your standing together you look at each other and you say we're going to have to talk about this first and then you bring it back up in a separate conversation as a united front regardless of what you decide in private
2:09:54, 😆
❤️
Great podcast!
I feel bad for Stephen, he got a bit of the Tom treatment....
He seemed like he had more to share.
He struggles to get his point across it must frustrate Bert when they hang out. Stephen seems to be new age type,alot softer in manner
Bert looks uncomfortably uncomfortable.
Theres one of Berts problems. He makes a LOT of assumptions!
Trying to prove how much you do for your kids to your kids isn't that big of a person...
Pretty shit you just got Bert a wallet for his birthday, pretty thoughtless.
55:57, is Bert a leftist?!😲
Coffee is worse the coke. Even a coke headmakes thier coffee before they score thier first bag . So they need caffeine more then coke don't let ur kids do that, trust me. I done 3 times my b/ w in blow ( 3 years clean but) I am 165lbs but my girlfriend always made coffee before we got crayz day started.
She couldn't stand the effects from going sleep to waking up and not having coffee more then blow+ H . I don't drink coffee and that shit pissede me off (That she wasted time making coffee ( getting her fix). But more then drugs she wanted coffee so look just keep in mind coffee/ caffeine is more addicting then blow + h . If u don't belive me let's hang sometim. I'll show u they say weed is gate way drug , but it caffeine
As a guy with no kids obviously your kids grow up and you don't need to smother them it's selfish, clearly u give girls space to grow up and date boys - this is basic stuff - clearly disconnection isn't personal it's developmental duh
Love you much much bud but I think it's time to stop.the podcast and put your smarts and effort into something that's going to make you some money and or help you in some way.... I just feel bad you yetnno views
First off - must be noted that I LOVE Leanne & WOTP! But am I the only one that found this super uncomfy? Bert is literally family & married-in, yet he came off so unnatural (un-Bert) somehow. And who’s this other guy? He barely spoke. The whole thing this episode just felt mega off for some reason. At least to me…