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When Your Partner Says "I Need Space"
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 พ.ค. 2019
- How do you react to your partner needing space? Your reaction matters, and there is a healthy way. If your partner is afraid of commitment or is feeling overwhelmed, here's some steps you can take to take care of yourself and the relationship.
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.
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1. They're confused or overwhelmed with what they feel. So they need time to calm down and sort their feelings.
2. Nurture yourself. Go outside, exercise, do things that take care of yourself.
2.5. Make a support group outside your partner so you don't get overdependant on them (I really need to work on this)
3. Don't think negatively about the result.
4. Set boundaries, ground rules, timeframes about the space. But also be tolerable if they need more boundaries than you.
5. Let yourself feeling the negative emotions, don't deny it. But when you feel it, don't act on it, instead try a healthy coping mechanism (personally I feel a lot of self-hate for causing things to got into this point, and I tend to deny the feeling cause it's uncomfortable)
5. Work on becoming a better, more mature version of you. So you don't depend on your partner too much, and to be more responsible with your actions.
Often “needing space” is code for they wish to explore other options. Once you are in a relationship you deal with issues as a couple.
Why do ppl automatically go to the negative outcome? Wen someone says they need space ? Why not give to them and see what happens in time? Why be so weak to think its another person? Always think you the best opinion
You are spot on! I told my bf last week that I think he needs some space to sort out stuff going on in his life and for him to get over feeling super stressed right now. Perspective is a beautiful thing! I will continue to be loving and compassionate towards him because I know that this space is an ally.
I need space = "it's over / we're breaking up" in any scenario I've been in with a woman
An acquaintance I know, sadly reported that his spouse "needed space", went off to explore another relationship, filed for divorce, and left him. Six month later, the spouse got dumped by her abusive, narcissistic partner. She would never admit to him that she made a bad decision, but has told others that breaking up the marriage was the worst decision of her life. She lost her family, her kids, her job, her home, several friends, and is now under treatment for severe mental depression. He said he was sorry and sad about the outcome but can never take her back no matter what. Another great American tragedy!!
I why not just break up?
Ahh yes…the “what if” trap.
Space is very very difficult when the person asking for it can not communicate why they’re needing it. It causes the anxiety to build and the what if wave builds.
Its ok to not have the answers but tue particulars of what space looks like needs to be discussed from the start.
Throw in mental health conditions that confuse the person asking for space in there and the person being spaced can really get confused about their role and how to achieve it.
Thanks you for the video, last night my boyfriend of seven months wanted to take a break because of mental reasons and I supported his request but I’m still panicking on the inside. This video has cleared up most of my anxiety. And has given me something to do while we both heal.
Thank you. I just had a very intense beautiful 5 weeks like nothing I’ve ever felt. She said she needs space and cannot feel things and I’m struggling to let go of that- but holds my hand kisses me and says I love you. But what you’ve shared with me I think will help me to sort myself out. The other thing to accept is needing space can also be a polite way to get someone out of your life. I’ll work on myself maybe she’ll be back. Maybe she won’t and that’s okay too. Thank you.
Did she came back
@@yankeeniperalta3541 brother, truth is need some space is girl talk for I don’t have the emotional intelligence to break up with you respectfully… hahah.
I started a new relationship recently, but I find it overwhelming just the amount of time she wants us to spend together. I've always been a lone wolf who is happy by myself, and I'm an introvert who needs time alone to recharge, but last week she spent 4 days at my flat, and I felt suffocated.
We talked extensively about space before we started seeing each other, and I told her I needed time by myself (which was very hard to say), but it's like it's fallen on deaf ears.
I do enjoy being with her, but the constant presence is draining. Even a day to myself in between seeing her would be fine, but I can already feel myself withdrawing and it'll end badly. I even said I was working a day this weekend just to get a break which is bad.
I can't keep being the one reminding her that I need space, because I feel like shit brining it up. She has to know when to leave me alone, and I've told her all that's needed, but it's like she's just not listened.
What happened?
you're avoidant and doubt you're still partners.
Communicate your schedule and plans, appointments, and time with guys for sports, etc. The more you can set these down in a list to organize your thoughts, the more likely you can iron out this issue.
Thank you for explaining it so well. I am that person who asks for that space. But people end up taking it personally and they freak out and act in a very suffocating way. Which drives me away further. Which then gets them even more freaked out. And then I’m the one who has to question herself and wonder if she really acted in an unhealthy manner.
It’s so easy to live in peace but people’s insecurities are the cause of the problems they create out of nothing.
You sound like a really healthy person you just brought sunshine into my soul ❤️
My partner wants to spend all the free time he has with me, but I'm the type of person that needs a freaking lot time alone, expecially in stressful time of my life (which I do have now). He takes it with sadness but Is not pressuring me. It's more like the proposals about going out today, tomorrow, day after tomorrow are pressuring me, and I'm sometimes thinking "what if I don't love him? What if I lie to myself and don't even like him?"
I needed to hear this because I was just texting & testing
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This video has helped me my partner of 12 years broke my heart has treated me not that well. He has become selfish. So this is the best time for me to work on me and know my self worth.
Wow !now that's wisdom at it's finest will have to check out your channel ,there's something good ,positive about the way that was put.
Oh I wish more people believed that needing some space from a relationship that got overwhelming it does NOT mean an automatic break up. Nor does it mean "you just want to see other people". It literally can be a need for breathing.
yeah but how are you going to marry or enter into a longterm relationship with this person? if you need space from them? does not make any sense. more like "space" is code word for cheating, monkey branching, emotional affairs that you want to escalate into sexual ones!
Good advice. I am going through that right right.
This happened to me and I made the mistake of not giving it and asking questions, I learnt and now am giving her the space she wants I hope it will turn out ok.
Does she return ok?
Did she come back?
Why would you need space or a break from someone you choose to be with? 2020 lockdown has never been a better true test to our marriage. Hubby and I got closer and didn't fight being locked down in a small space.
Well, in my marriage corona wasn't the only thing that was going on. That alone would be enough. At the meantime I am seeing a psychologist to deal with my youth traumas, which gives a lot of tension overall, also, the aunt of my wife which she was really close with died, an other was hospitalized, her ex boyfriend committed suicide, she got sexually assaulted at a train station. meanwhile she is finally opening up about her traumatizing youth. She is asking for space right now, and seeing what kind of toxic cocktail of things that happened, I get why this happened. I feel lost and I am having a huge identify crisis, and she is going through exactly the same thing. To be completely honest with myself, I need some space too, and I am going to get that too. I think we can make it out of this and save our marriage, but clinging on to her right now would be the dumbest thing ever in my opinion. It gives me hugest anxiety, but for her, I will do everything.
Like tobiael above said, there can be many reasons. In my case both of us have childhood traumas to work on, communication to hone and life decisions to make. As per my partner's suggestion, right now I'm in Mexico reflecting on myself, my past and future. I have a feeling everything is going to be great no matter what if both of us continue inner growth.
Good it worked for you, but in our case and for many others it did show differences acting out negative which severely damaged the relationship.. Therefor space is needed and this video is actually really helpful
True I am going true that same problem and you just have to let them be that all
So on point! I really needed to hear this..this is what iam facing in my marriage
This advice made me feel much less anxious about my current situation, thank you so much 🙏🏻 can you be my therapist?
Please share if ur partner came back after break or not😥?
I dont know what to do in this situation
This is all I needed to hear, thank you❤️
This was extremely helpful thank you
My guy friend noticed that I hangout with him everyday and he told me it's starting to be annoying but he said its fine with me hanging out with him it just can't be every day, and he likes to be alone and he told me he doesnt know why.. I dont want too because I love him and I dont want to lose him. :(
any updates on u 🥲
Folks you could be a good person , faithful,let your partner hang out ,you don't nag them or be around them much they still tell you they want space . Stop falling for these folks that tells you it's ok to have space cause if they needed space they had plenty of time to tell you they not ready for a relationship. If your partner say he/she wants space they going to leave you period if you agree to it . I know 8 of my friends that had relationship problems and when they partner gotten that space they gotten hit with "oh let's just be friends"... She just told y'all the answer " after the space they will decide whether they still want you still or not" so the real answer is folks if your partner want space just tell them you already know where this space thing is going either " they want to be with someone else" or they is planning on being with someone else"
Dont do asusume like this. Some poeple especially with mental health problem do need space for them to heal. Coz meeting people is draining out of their energy. Let them heal have empathy and understandable
I look a space like this, if you don’t set the conditions for space, like, timeframe, boundaries and dating. Space will turn into separation. Another thing is empathy, if you can’t put yourself in your partners shoes, understanding how they’ll feel. Space won’t work. Space takes patience and authenticity. Most partners don’t do anything positive when they request space, all because everything comes from a place of frustration.
I was in a LDR (2,776 km geographically apart to be exact) that went up and down more often than a rollercoaster. She wanted space about once every month, and I could never understand it or what the trigger was. When I said ‘no, I want to know what’s going on’ it aggregated her. When I gave her the space she asked for, ‘I didn’t care about her’. I could not win. It became very tiresome. After 15 months I decided if she inexplicably needed space again, I’ll see myself out. So, it happened. Out of the blue she wanted space again. I just said “Ok”. Oh hell, that was the wrong thing to say. We had an epic fight that lasted 3 days and split up.
Yeah that just sounds like a dramatic toxic relationship. I'm in a longer ldr and I just got the "I need space" but it's for a totally understandable reason that isn't on me, it's her. I guess for you if your partner always needs space and none of your answers are acceptable, kinda need to humble yourself, respect yourself, and avoid that manipulative behavior.
Is it normal for a guy to asked for space. Should i wait or walk away? I've been givinv him a lot of support and being flexible, still not enough for him. I dont know if i should let him be and walk away.
what if you don’t have a support team? i tried to talk to friends and they just change the subject or respond once and then don’t respond again. it’s been real fun 😀
Those arent real friends. And in very sorry to hear
And some friends actually will just laugh it off 😢
"I need space" is Feminist Babble as if men are occupying all their time and space. It means a woman is NOT communicating what she needs to tell their partner clearly, by articulating what she needs. I refuse to feel guilty over this when I make the meals, wash the dishes, do the gardening, clean the living areas, make the bed, and pick up the house so she can do many activities and workshops out of the house. What she was saying was "I want to do Yoga" and was afraid to tell me that she was going into the bedroom and shut the door. Three days after this, I walked out and left for my home in Mexico. Women have become captive to a feminist narrative that blankets any type of discord in a relationship. When a woman is not mature enough to articulate her needs and lacks the courage to be honest, gentilemen, the end is near. I need Space, undefined, is the coup de grace in a relationship. Don't worry. Her girlfriends will be rooting for her and will all validate her on WhatsApp and you will be cast as Simon Legree. I may be a slow learner, but after six months it was clear she was not putting any energy into the relationship. I need SPACE rang loud and clear when I heard it.
if wife says she needs space...it's over, she's done, respect her decision and move on. it's hard at first but doable.
always give space
Great advice!
Very beautifully said
My gf is going through a midlife crisis of sorts. New job, relationship, mental health, and body image issues. I am in a time and space for herself situation it's been 4 weeks I only have 11mons left
That number is Nigerian 😂😂😂 run away😂
Lovely, Sweet Words...
What do you do when you've been with someone for "6 years" and they do this like every 6 months to a year?
My partner and I are in LDR for almost a year now and he's having some family issues which I'm aware about ...one day he told me he is going through some stuff and he needs some space(in my mind I'm like we are in 2 different places there's plenty space already) .....this is my first time going through something like this and I don't know how to act ...I send him text every 2 days saying I love you or have a great day today......should I even be doing that ? Because after watching your video I feel like I should stop sending him those msgs and still giving him that space he needs #welp
Stop texting him go now contact. He can’t miss you if you keep reaching out let him come to you.
I’m in this exact situation rn can u pls tell me what happened between you two ? I’m really looking for hope it’s gonna be okay.
@@WildMuffinofficialmy girlfriend said she needed space but text me the next day so what does that mean ?
My (ex?) Girlfriend and I were together for 9 months. Everything was going really well but I was kind of asking for more commitment. We started seeing each other after she got out of a 6 year relationship. She loves me to death and is in love with me. She even asked for s shirt of mine to take with her on vacation so she has something with my scent on it. She just says she has doubts we are not compatible. After seeing this I see I should have been more in the moment and stop wanting her to post pics of us on social media and stuff. She didnt want to break up but says she can't go on like this. We are on a 3 week break and she wants us to stay exclusive. I caved today and wished her a good flight as she's going on a one week holiday. She said she misses me and I said I do too and I cut off the convo. I know now I have to wait for her to come to me but its so hard. Some advice from you guys could help
Its good shes receptive to you and communicates decently. It sounds to me that you are not the problem but for what ever reason, maybe she feels shes not compatible with you not so much the two of you are not compatible. This could just be her own issues and not knowing how to vocalize them.
Sounds like you are on the right track. Stay strong. I hope things work out!
As a person who operates wholly on logic, having to deal with someone who is completely influenced by feelings only is a royal pain in the ass.
I hate space, especially if we didn't leave on a good note; it never ends well.
What if she says i need space but shes always messaging another guy secretly ? She knows i know shes messaging him they message all the time early morning ,late night all day im not aloud to see messages tho it hurts my heart the most
About five years ago, my wife asked me for space, so I let her and I worked on myself to be ok with it. Earlier this year, I found out that when she said she was hanging out with her girlfriends, she was really having an affair. It went as far as her asking me to watch the kids while she supposedly went on trips with her girlfriends, when she was really taking trips with him.
Only mature ppl can respect asking for space. I think every relationship need space. Not in a avoidant way. In a respect and agreed space.
If you partner cant respect space. Its a problem
What country is she speaking to? If they want to go it's doubtful they will come back - I just hope everything is mutual
I loved this thank you
You're so welcome! I love to hear you are grateful and growing with my videos.
But is it fair to kick them out to your moms house for a while out of a random fight which never really happens cause she’s depressed just recently just said so now I’m thinking maybe I’m just wrong now I will give space 😞
I said I needed space and wanted to live separately because I thought it would help and I was told that if I move out, the relationship is going to end because there is no such thing as a break to him. Any advice?
Honestly he do has a point . I have female friends that did the same thing wanting space and after a few days or weeks they all left the partner to be with other folks.The "needing space thing does not help cause 90% of it ended in "hey let's just be friends" or " the relationship not going to work"
That pigeon in the background, and that waterfall is horrible I can’t concentrate or hear anything that you’re saying with that pigeon
Actually i hate to be touched I feel that’s disrespectful 😢 and that’s some of the reasons i say i need personal space.. i even hitted my bf so bad coz of that 😢
I think too much kisses and hugs i dont like it.. and when we are public i love decency and self respect considered utmost. Mfs 😞
It's an excuse I need space you never hear a man say that.
So me and my girlfriend have had an issue we are dealing with a couple days ago and she told me she’s emotionally shut down and drained, and that she has a lot on her mind lately. She told me she doesn’t want a relationship anymore and I can’t change her mind. Then she told me she needs space at least a week then we can talk about what’s going on. Any advise?
Give her space, but tell her if she has sex with another man, you will not be taking her back no matter what. Get in the gym or exercise to improve yourself physically, Talk to a trusted friend or family. If YOU want to reconcile, ask her to go to counseling, otherwise. get ready to move on.
this is simply bad advice. this behavior signals the beginning of the end and gives the avoidant partner the excuse they need to severe the relationship on their terms sans the guilt.
Frankly, this advice is bullshit. If your partner tells you she needs some space, she will repeat this behavior over and over, perhaps even after you’re married and then it’s too late. Do yourself a big favor…..give her space PERMANENTLY the first time !