The Day Samantha Told Me She Wanted a Separation...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.พ. 2025
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Today Samuel shares about the day Samantha informed him she wanted a separation and what it did for their recovery.
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I've often wondered if Sam's ap ever watches these videos. I hope she does and she's healed from what she allowed and she has never made that horrible mistake again.
I'm trying to have the same insight about my husband's ap's, I am trying to forgive those women, but I wonder how many even feel bad about what they've done.
She "allowed"?!? Wtf kind of thought process is that?
My husband confessed the affair and I asked him to move out. He was so filled with remorse that he attempted suicide. His twin placed him in a hospital but emotionally I was unable to visit him there. Every phone call attempt he made caused me an anxiety attack where I literally froze and thought I'd literally would break my heart. The drs were worried about his recovery but i was adamant that i didn't want him at home. I needed to try and raise our 4 children and wanted normalcy. Having my husband at home and trying to mend our marriage would've been more than i could handle. I was advised by my minister that it was ok to separate until i felt strong enough to work on the marriage but they informed me that the longer we were apart the harder it would be to reconcile. After 4 months I relented and allowed him to move back into the house but to live upstairs in the guest bedroom. We lived like brother and sister for that year before I felt I was safe enough to have him return to our bedroom. That separation physically and mentally helped build the tools to deliberately work on saving our marriage.
your a brave woman, I now know what panic attacks and anxiety are, horrid
I am still trying to process why the unfaithful would want the betrayed after disclosure but did not want her during the affair.
The fantasy has expired. Reality has hit home. Regret ensues.
Exactly!!!!!!!!!!
Because we finally realize how stupid we were being
@@madgigahz but why be stupid in the first place? I just can't wrap my head around it.
If there is addiction involved it can be tough to break a cycle. Excruciating actually. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I've been the unfaithful one and it kills my heart every day. Because it was lust, not love.
Thanks for being transparent.
very welcome. thanks for watching and posting.
I am 2 wks knowing my alcoholic husband of 25 yrs is having multiple affairs all secret from one another, tells me he want restoration, but messaging others another tune. These videos are very helpful to my sanity and strengthening my recovery. Thank you 🙏🏼♥️ God is good and goes ahead of us and prepares the way😉 Romans 8:28 he’s using your witness 👍🏼
Even 5 years after. This video is applicable to my situation. I'm in recovery for sex addiction and have traumatized my wife. We always now separated and she says she's done. I had to leave the state to be with family because I can't handle the shame and anxiety. I'm in therapy and have groups that I go to and am doing the work. But my wife has refused to get counseling and I feel as if there is no hope. I've been working on this for years but have only had brief stints of sobriety. This addiction is no joke. And I'm sorry to the betrayed spouses including my own. I wish I never did what I did. I wish I could take it all back. But I can't. I'm on a path of healing for me now. It's all I can do. I'm not allowed to be at my house or even see my kids. But not seeing my wife and hurting her is killing me. I've never experienced pain like this. It's really tough to have hope.
First let me say that you are the best, your videos have been made just for me. At least what it feels like, I have forwarded this to my boyfriend so he can understand what I was feeling because I really couldn't talk to him. And he understood me better. I left the same day he came to me and confess and said I wouldn't return until we got some professional help. But I am concerned about being able to afford someone that specializes in Affairs. How can we do your boot camp? Any guidance will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your videos they are life savers. ❤
Love this. Bless you guys for sharing.🙏🏾💞
Had an affair during the darkest period of my life after we got married a few months..separated due to pandemic now. Different countries. Don’t know when will be able to see each other again...feels so terrible... how are we going to work this out without being together.. for at least two years..
Thank you so much for these videos.
I’m the unfaithful. 2 weeks in since DDay. Every day is harder than the last. The pain in her eyes is soul crushing. She says she wants me to hurt as much as her. I said I can’t imagine the pain she’s feeling, and that the only way I’d understand that pain is if she left me. She keeps telling me I’d be happier with the AP. I’m not convinced. It’s all too much. I’m trying to make it work, but it’s too much and too real!
We as the betrayed can't understand how the unfaithful claims to want us more when y'all have blew up our lives for your AP.
It seems like my wife is doing everything right, now. She is reading the books, doing daily devotionals, but I can't get the thought of her with him out of my head... Maybe some time apart is what I need.
hi there. i'd hate for you to try and separate when she is doing everything right. usually that's not the answer and only causes more pain for both of you. what help have you had for you and for the triggers and reminders? what recovery work have you done? go ahead and email me at samuel@hope-now.com and let me know the answers to these questions and I'll give you some suggestions that will help immensely and more than likely help you to not have to separate. what you're feeling/experiencing is absolutely normal.
Overcoming Infidelity great answer I have separate many times from my husband. Now looking back it was alot of time wasted, unnecessary expenses..He didn't change because of anything I said or did he only changed when he got sick and tired of himself.. Thankfully I never gave up on him.. Prayers is the only thing I had to fight with..God answers prayers..but it took 11yrs....not many people can hold on for change..But my faith in God assured me that change was possible.I enjoy your videos they really educate me and my husband.
Thank you for your honesty 👍
My betrayed just asked me for a seperation and I am devastated. Shes expecting us to stay seperated for the next 3-4 months at least and I dont know what to do. Were in counseling but she keeps finding out more and more about the betrayels and wont rest till she knows everything ive ever done wrong. Majority of which happened 5+ years ago and alot of details or events I have no memory of. But shes convinced im just lying about all of it.
And what if the unfaithful wants the separation with in just days of disclosure. Leaving the betrayed abandoned to deal with the kids and claims it is so they can miss you and remember all the things that they took for granted. I feel like this is such a mistake but he is resolute on this separation even after I express concerns. My world has been upended in so many ways already.
im extremely sorry my friend. i would bring expert help into the situation to help. navigating it alone and without any sort of help or support from an expert, who has been through it before, can be a big mistake.
OMG!!! This is so scary... and 3 weeks into it I still have no idea what the future looks like... We still talk about kids and household items... and even talked a little about us... but all the talk about us is the betrayed is unsure, no hope, but does not want to make a decision until she gets her mind settled... is she waiting to see what I do? I am busy... I am working on myself... she won't even watch these videos... or talk to someone together...
I would like to ask about my case. I am a catholic and i recently found out that my husband (a muslim), has another woman. I confronted him. But he said it is his right to get another woman. He also told me that the woman helped him financially. It hurts so much! I felt that i am not only enough as a wife and a woman, but i am also not enough as a partner. I felt like i was not beneficial for him and his family whom i believe knew and preferred about the money they get from this woman. All i want to do now is to get saparated. But i dont have job right now. I am afraid he wont help me until i get a proper job soon. Please help me.
What if you are separated but the unfaithful spouse doesnt want to make it work and he still wants to be with the affair partner?
then it's probably time, regrettably, to file for divorce and start that next process in your life my friend. i'm very sorry as i know that hurts to probably hear.
Hey Samuel, I’m the unfaithful one in my situation. Me and my wife have done counseling and everything seemed to be going really good sense dday. We worked really hard at reconnecting and started date nights and have spent so much time! Well it’s been almost 5 months sense dday and a week ago she told me she had to leave and figure herself out! She told me she needed a month! She left the kids with me so they could stay in school. Our counselor said I have done everything right! Complete transparent. She says she plans on coming back after a month but my anxiety has my head all twisted. She said if she wants to talk she will contact me unless it’s for the kids! I’m beside myself! I’ve been reading and taking notes and watching videos and I’m going to see my own counselor Monday but it’s killing me not having her there with me! Do you have any advice on how or what I can do? I’ve mentioned the bootcamp and how I wanna do the ems but I don’t wanna over bear her or bother her while she takes this time she said she needs.
at some level, i would give her space and see what is going on. when she returns it would be good to do some work with one of our courses or something along those lines. i think if you chase her or what not, she will feel suffocated. i would give her space, however, also be smart about what you do when she comes back. i know it hurts like hell but it may be a good thing...it may not. but we don't know right now and that's OK. take care of those kids and yourself
I asked my husband to leave the house because of infidelity. He was trying to control my emotions and it's true he haven't processed the reality yet but I know it will happen little by little
How did everything turn out for you? I am going through this now 😪
What should you do when husband announces divorce first without giving any reason and then later you find out about the affair which he promises he will end and will try to work out on marriage but after 2 days relapse on affair and is firm about the divorce . What should I do in such situation ?
The worst part is we have been in a 13 yrs relationship and recently completed 2yrs of married life. N he dsnt evn care about my tears and begging n pleading
unfortunately, it happens quite often. i would ask him if he would be willing to do work to see if the marriage can be saved? I wouldn't ask him to choose between you and the other woman just yet, but to choose between divorce and simply seeing if the marriage can be saved. expert help can create space to do this type of work without pressuring him right now as he may just not be whole enough to make a good choice.
@@samshealingpodcast
He doesn't want to workout.. He is firm on divorce and firm that he doesn't need counselling .. He doesn't know that I know ewrythng about his relapse in affair and I have now decided to leave him.. should I be confronting him of the affair before leaving or leave him just like that???
How long after discovery day did she want the separation?
immediately.....within a week or so.
How long did the separation last?
Did you really just say that during that time you weren't really worried about not seeing Samantha , that it was the thought of not seeing the kids that was hard?
i was far more concerned with losing time with the kids than i was samantha as i was pretty blinded to truth and sobriety. i was still justifying my affair, like many unfaithful, by staying fixated on her rejection of me etc etc. was it right, no. was it sobriety no. was it accurate no. was it even right, no, but it was the mindset i was stuck in, which is common for the unfaithful. we have bitterness and anger stored up against our spouse, but we see our kids far more compassionately and we are concerned more with our kids than our spouse who we are bitter at and use to justify our affairs. i try to be honest in every single vlog i do. very sorry if that upsets you.
Okay, thanks for trying to explain it... to be honest I don't at all get it, I probably should leave it at that because I think the program is good however sometimes comments like these are kind of disturbing or just sad to me
ladybug - Even though I was the betrayed spouse, at the time, the idea of losing my family was absolutely the hardest part. I let her keep the kids with hope of restoration. I did not have the willpower, knowledge, faith, or finances to confront her. Her AP (recently divorced) is now living with her & our kids in her new house. Though we've been divorced for almost 3 years (16 yr marriage) and I still grieve the broken dream of a family & traditions; another man, who was my friend, violating my trust. Still - what hurts most is lost time with our children.
Maybe, if I had brought to light some of their transgressions before our divorce, they both would've rethought things. Maybe not. She stated & pretended for a long time that the children were important - but routinely left the children at home alone many nights during the week, often not present when I'd pick them up or drop off, and took vacations when I had them.
Our love life had waned and her AP was/is her new love. I'm still untrusting & putting my life back together. I guess it wasn't meant to be, but I do fear the children will suffer most in the long run. I just try to take it one day at a time and remind the kids often that I love them.
Mindy Blueeyes I hope you were able to move on. Your story is heartbreaking and relatable as it happened to me too.
Yikes. I can't imagine how a therapist would tell them not to separate. They very clearly needed to be separated.
What if the unfaithful is the one who is pushing for the separation and break up the family.
sometimes, it's the right thing....sometimes it's just good to separate and give each other space. i'm sorry as i know it hurts, but it doesn't have to be the end of your story.
What if it’s your wife that has the affair and is leaning to being with the home wrecker, and children involved .. begging pleading doesn’t work - any other ideas to make her feel bad idea?