Stop Trying to be Perfect
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 มิ.ย. 2024
- My thoughts on how to stick it to perfectionism.
To be clear, I’m not about to admonish you to “lower your standards.” In fact, I think perfectionism has its place, both professionally and personally. So the ultimate solution to perfectionism isn’t to get rid of perfectionism, it’s to reorient your understanding of what’s “perfect.”
“Perfect” does not need to be a result. You can make perfection the process. The process of removing imperfection. Try putting something out there before it’s finished, get it criticized and let it fail. Then keep improving it by removing more imperfections. This is a new, imperfect kind of perfectionism. It’s a functional form of perfectionism. One that won’t drive you or the people around you fucking insane.
With that in mind, here are my thoughts on giving a big “fuck you” to perfectionism. Watch it. Like it. And subscribe to my channel!
-
Sign up for my newsletter to receive three actionable pieces of advice each week that could change your life - free sign up here: bit.ly/3JRg3NX
If you are not already a member of my premium membership, get access to my courses and exclusive writing here: bit.ly/3LwHWfi
I am Mark Manson, 3x #1 NY Times bestselling author of:
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - mrk.mn/3svfxcu
Everything Is F*cked: A Book About Hope - mrk.mn/2RNxVAD
I share other types of content to make you a less awful human in these places:
/ markmanson
/ iammarkmanson
/ markmansonnet
/ markmanson
/ iammarkmanson
Thanks for watching.
![[Live] : ONE 167 วันนี้!! "ตะวันฉาย vs โจ"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/D9_dvfIa6Ao/mqdefault.jpg)
Wow. Had no idea you had a TH-cam channel - congrats. Been reading your articles for years. Excited to see you grow!
hohoho the god is here
Oh shit!
What the fffffffffffffffffff?
Zues out
Btw Based Zeus i heard you are the god of incels?
Growing up as a perfectionist, l'd made my life harder that it was. l wish l knew this when l was younger. Thank you fir reminded me again, Mark😎 l am re-reading both of your books😎❤
Better late than never! I am 53 and just understanding mindfulness and EQ. Love these videos and his 📚. So relatable!
Right on. My father was a perfectionist to the point of sheer misery. I learned that. It took me 57 years to realize I had to unlearn that. Thanks for this!
so how did you unlearn that?
This is so real. I’m now realizing it’s a prison I’ve been trapped in.
a prison that had the door open but we decided to stay regardless@@alexc659
It’s like your articles I’ve read for years have come to life. I mean this is how I imagined you expressing your own thoughts and ideas. Happy for you :)
It's so funny, I never expected Mark Manson to be in real life exactly as I pictured him when I was reading his book. Then I saw his interview with Tom and found this TH-cam channel ! :D
@@Kyoto99952 I just dropped these on a Biographics vid about Voltaire then this came up in the sidebar, so figured a chance to drop it and maybe some extras in it too:
"The Perfect is the enemy of The Good" - Voltaire breaking the Perfectionist / Perfect Solution Fallacy. Many, many people need to learn that one. As also commented by Edmund Burke:
"Nobody made a greater mistake, than they who didn't even try, because they believed they could only achieve little, if anything" - To expand his work.
"Strive for perfection, always. Do not throw TANTRUMS if you cannot achieve nor receive it. If absolutely necessary and no other choice, accept the lesser evil" - Horseshoe Party UK.
"Making the world a better place, is a marathon not a sprint" - I cannot find a source for it. Maybe I coined it, maybe nicked it from a friend.
"Who is my master? He who decides what repels or attracts me" - Epictetus.
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" - Unknown though often attributed to Aurelius. I lack clear evidence for that.
"What stands in the way becomes the way" - Aurelius. AKA Be flexible enough to alter or abandon plans as life throws curveballs.
"Obsessively being full of hatred for your enemies, is like you drinking poison then expecting them to die" - Anon attributed to various from Buddhism to Maya Angelou.
"Be water" - Bruce Lee.
"Never overly rely on anybody, for even your own shadow will leave you entirely in total darkness" - Ibn Taymiyyah
Some could say that your content is *Perfection*
Agree. His content is beyond perfect.
Ahahhaahahahahahahahha nice one. I smirked
@@IAmMarkManson it's done me a lot of good this year that's for sure. I have the blue book but not read it yet, read the subtle art numerous times over the years, and this year's events with your work, some others, and learning about logical fallacies has helped me go from quite prone to doing what my feelings say, to a lot more in control of myself. I've been wracking my brains trying to think how I can do something similar that involves politics, focused mostly on the UK where I'm from. Human beings have spent thousands of years arguing in nasty ways about the best ways to make things nicer, which is pretty funny and quite ironic
So true, the editing on his videos, especially the little things he does to keep the viewers engaged is just SO GOOD!
Perfectionism always wants to get in the way of my piano practice, when I actually need to just keep putting my butt on the bench and push through discouragement. Look at that word: to be DIScouraged is to lose your courage. It’s a daily, mundane, undramatic kind of bravery to sit with imperfection and not protect yourself from it, because it’s sooooo uncomfortable. Yeah?
This video came out at literally the perfect time for me in life
Yes, i feel the same
Same I was thinking about all or nothing thinking today except my problem is with being a perfect Christian which I am not and will probably never be yet I beat myself up for not following scripture perfectly like sex before marriage or dating a Christian Only. But I realized today I can only do my best and allow myself to not be perfect. But I thinking religion feeds into my perfectionism so I'm not sure it's even healthy for me.
*By enjoying the PROCESS, being HERE and NOW*
This is like gold hidden in plain sight.
"Shouldn't have smoked that crack"
You lunatic. I love everything about it! Didn't know you had a channel! Glad I found it. Loved your books so this can only be great
Has anybody reached that point where you meet an author's face and voice, then every time you read his or her books, you can't help but imagine that author's face and voice in your head? Am I nuts or weird?
No you're not 😂😂. I know that feeling
@@Onyinyeojike It's so weird! Life can't be the same after it haha
@@undarksmusic 😂😂😂hahaha
Mark, this hair is fire.
Mark: There is no such thing as working out every day
Goggins: You don't know me son!
Who's gonna move the boats and the logs?
😂😂😂😂
Goggins: But who's gonna carry the boats?
@@graciedevine8414 😂😂😂😂😂
@Heather Marie But you missed the point. Unless you have to work out every day for whatever goal you set for yourself, it's not only mentally beneficial not to some days, but also physically better to have rest days. Not everyone has to aspire to be Goggins.
Thank you for making my old psychology textbooks come to life...making the content relatable, fun, and easy to understand/ put into practice. I rented your book then bought it so I could highlight! I'm at a crossroads in my life and you are acting as my virtual life coach! 😊
Perfectionism is a mental illness, needs a lot of hard work with our minds to get rid of that vicious circle.
I love your practical and well balanced view on life Mark. It's refreshing!
More like logical view
“I guess I should just stfu for the rest of my life” 😂😂
I literally think this at least once every day.
Ah, clarity. Thank you again, Mark. This is something I struggle with, especially in my career. I’m told time after time by coworkers that I would enjoy my job more if I loosened up some. I’m working on it.
your hair, perfection is imperfect, somehow not trying too much gives you a cool look
@@IAmMarkManson Stop wasting your time by replying to imperfect comments.
@@mdmahmoodulhassan1444 you must have a lot of friends
I want a library a perfect as the one behind you.
I think he has his books in every language that have been published. At least I remember that he had a post with whe Russian version. The Bulgarian interpretation is quite strange - I remember opening it when it came out (I was very happy) and seeing they have changed the "f*ck" and "sh*t" with some lame versions of "don't care", I closed it, ordered the original one and waited a month to get it 😂
@@Skynomad22 lol that's lame
material stuff will not make you happy tho
@@Skynomad22 it was the same way in Russian, otherwise it wouldn’t have been published
@@Skynomad22 Yea, that's so pathetic, can't they just stop being so mundane and keep the swear word in?
Thank you Mark for agreeing on making videos, besides considering you to be awesome I deeply love how you can make me feel naked in front of my feelings, but still protected by your wise words. Really, thanks so much.
Hey mark, could you make a video on comparing yourself with others / feeling stuck in life / not wasting time?
Mindfulness is helping me develop EQ (emotional control). Erasing those subconscious loops. I think they stem from ego...insecurity..old habits. Time patience and lots of breathing and writing helps! Good luck! 👍 😊
Yeah, make a video on mindfulness and all that creap! That would be gorgeous! Because it's cool stuff but also totally not working in my everyday life ... If I only had the mind ... Empty to get full
How are you now dude? Are you still comparing?
@@HP-bc3ks not gonna happen, bruh... sry.
Thanks a lot for this 🙏 I so needed this after my stressful work. I always criticize myself a lot but through watching your vids I'm starting to be a little kinder to myself🧡
I hope people don't watch your videos thinking cheating is ok. There is a striking difference between the mistake of waking up an hour late and committing full blown adultery lol. I think morally/value wise there is a necessity for people to control their impulses, however it's ok to make mistakes. There's a difference between a mistake (something ur body cannot control) and a decision (something your mind can control) (i.e, cheating on ur spouse). However, we can give ourselves grace and room for improvement. And I can agree that neither your mistakes nor decisions define you. That is the beauty of imperfection.
Perfection is an illusion. Great video!
This was helpful basically i need to chill tf out and set more realistic expectations. When I mess up, be compassionate and move on
I love your content so much. Your book pretty much shifted my entire paradigm. Super grateful for your work. You've inspired me to recently start my own personal growth oriented youtube channel, so hopefully I will have a sliver of the success you have made. Thanks for being an inspiration to me.
I am so happy that you are regularly making TH-cam videos now, Mark! 🙌 😁 I trust your advice because you don't always trust your own advice in a world of so many know-it-alls!
After reading both your books, it is videos like this that complement such important ideas. Amazing!
I like that you stick to your style. I read your book (the suble art...) a couple of years ago and it really made a difference on me, unlike the traditional personal development books,. I just found your channel, great content bro! keep it up!
One important life lesson repeatedly demonstrated in all of your videos is not to take yourself too seriously. It reduces stress and increases likeability.
Dude, i have been using this exact same thing you taught right now for months. I read your articles but never knew you existed here.
Your articles help a lot.
Waiting for more content.
You are amazing!!
Your books really helped me a lot, and yes the three of them. Really helped me to accept the not imperfect me so I could face my real needs. Thank you
I greatly appreciate your humility and that you don’t feel it’s necessary to say that your doing this video from your personal retreat in Bali or in some back yard with a lavish pool, an outdoor kitchen/living area and palm trees.
I really needed this Mark, I've been self sabotaging me a lot due to this behavior and I get stuck in a loop every time......but NOT ANYMORE, I AM GONNA FUCKING KICK PEFECTIONISM OUT OF MY LIFE........Thanks a lot buddy
I Have both of your books...changed my life and perspective soooo much.... Helped me so much to come out of depression, OCD and perfectionism... Thanks a lot mark... Would love to meet you someday ❤️💯🤗..
Hey mark. I'm half way through "The Subtle Art" and I just wanna say that it truly is awesome!😇
One could say 'Its like a bag of burritos'.
Box of chocolates?
@@dord4453 bag of burritos had my vote 😂
"The optimal behaviour is in the middle." Another great life lesson, Mark. Thanks for sharing!
Ive tried to be perfect at everything. Between people pleasing and wanting attention, I may work extremely hard at everything to be noticed or to feel important. When I fail, these crisises occur even if I know failure is necessary to grow. Some days, if I fail at something I really care about, it could knock me down entirely. Some times failure also is the fear of possibly never having the same chance again. Im working on it, but its always been something I've struggled with and the pressure I put onto myself is insane
awesome video! needed this but also had some good laughs :) I enjoy your podcasts and articles as well. I'm glad I stumbled upon you and your book a couple years ago, I always gain some sort of clarity and stability after hearing your thoughts and advice.
this is basically just stoicism in a nutshell. love ur work mark, u have helped so many people with the content u create. thank u for all that u do!
Love the new format of the videos!
I really appreciate your videos I had a cold last week and was feeling guilty about not getting things done today I feel a little bit better and I’m going to take on the world tasks tomorrow
I didn't realise my perfectionism was negatively affecting my life until this video :') thanks man
Man, I needed this exact video right now.
True. As a archviz professional, guitarrist, chess player, and even speedcubbing xD , the only reason i can do all this its because i spend my days failling. For exemple, you can be typping 8h per day and after one year you still have the same speed at typping. The reason of that plateau is because you didnt tried to type 20 % faster, failling, until you can do it. And so one.
Guitar? Rcently i was learning the song "Eruption". weeks and weeks making errors and playing slow, until you can do it. But if you notice you probably know people that play guitar for years and stay in the begginers and confortable songs.
So yes, dont strive for perfeccionism, strive to grow everyday, and error are necessary.
Perfeccionism is like comparing us at a version that have more years of training than us, dont make sense
Not sure if your bad typing is intentional to illustrate your point that "errors are necessary".
whats your sub dude ?
@@daedwill My bad typing is due to my bad english. But other than that i just told what works for me and what is said by some masters in their field
@@rezaardiansyah288 Sub 30. I dont have time to invest more in speedcubing due to my work, just do it in my spare time xD
Don't rush at guitar! Among all other life skills, you don't want to rush in this. Anything you practice wrong while trynna rush with be imprinted on muscle memory amd you will have a hard time correcting them later on.
"Perfection is the enemy of progress," Benjamin Franklin. Franklin is one of my heroes. It is strange he said this being he was a printer/publisher. A printer/publisher is one of those occupations whose product you would think has to be perfect; else, it's wrong. But this little quote has helped me realize how important getting things done and moving on is.
Ur perspective is so good
Thanks for coming to TH-cam!!!! An old reader of your blog but videos are much better
I've always had this gut wrenching feeling sometimes. I feel lost, pathetic and out of control of the situation and I didn't know how to express it. But ever since I read your articles, I knew what it was like. It was like wanting to stuck my head in the oven and die. So, thanks for expressing that. :)
Whomever edits and stitches Mark's videos is/are pure talent! I literally spat my coffee out at 6:36... Kudos! *applause*
Your books and the way of thinking are amazing dude! Love from india
Big fan of your sense of humor in your book
This video is just 10 mins of condensed wisdom. Thanks Mark for the sharing!
I almost feel like you are talking about me! I always beat myself up fir falling short of expectations, and literally curse myself day in and out. It was only recently that I accepted my imperfect self and embraced my 'fallacies'.
I am still working towards a more disciplined and healthy life, but I don't hate myself when I fail for whatever reason.
Thanks for bringing this topic up..... I think I might finally buy your books!
Lots of love from India!
Dude, excellent video. Even explained it with Aristotle. I know how much went into making that video, yet simplified, humorous, and easy to understand. And the music rocks too. Fantastic work man 🤘🏻
Loved it. I am always having a difficulty of explaining people that I am not the one who controls the universe but this universe affects everything I m doing. And since i m not a robot of course I will react with feelings, and this, in its turn, will change my routines. Besides, I will never understand those who seriously stick to schedules every day and are not open to spantaneous decisions.
A really good video, it cracked me up many times. A bunch of these and you‘ll most likely be positioning yourself on youtube as a comedian too. Rooting for you! ✌🏻
YOU ARE AMAZINGGGGGGGGG. thank you so much. You're funny and extremely smart andddd empathetic to all the different kinds of people and their ways. You make me feel like there's nothing wrong with me. THANK YOU. I wish u all the fulfillment
i always stuck with the thought that i didn't do enough on things and i felt like a looser some time, feeling down for not acheive what i plan to do,it's so crazy!untill i found you lol now i know how to do things in a happy way.thank you so much i will go get your book.
So, most of us feel like losers for not doing everything we think we should. AND we often think other people are lazy, selfish losers. Is that a modern thing or inherently human?
Thank you Mark. This was an amazing summary.
4:34 *David Goggins enters the chat*
Exactly my thoughts 😂
😂
I agree, but Goggins is a "mental builder" more than a bodybuilder. His goal isn't building muscles not having the healthiest body, from the interview I've seen his goal is being the toughest, mentally.
Wouldn't recommend his workout regime for fitness 😅
Mark, you're great. Love your content. Keep it going. Insight is nice.
Just found your channel. Love this! I let go of being a perfectionist this week, dunno just had a eureka moment. Feels good, I laugh at myself instead of being uptight. I love the optimisation idea :) thanks!
The way this video is made is just outstanding.
The photos and videos you added as jokes. Loved it.
And great info.
Thank you. Needed this today
I get enlightment and laughter with your videos. Thank you for that.
Mark, honestly, as helpul and insightful as you are with your advice, you are even twice as funny!! 😂😂😂😂 3 minutes in and I'm already laughing my ass off. Your sense of humor is just gold
thank you, really needed this.
I really love your books Mark! Thank you for creating this channel and filming these videos 🤗♥️
From Russia
I have a real hard time with having to do whatever I set out to do to want to do it PERFECTLY. It doesn’t matter what it is but when I do it I enjoy the details and get very uncomfortable when it’s not done just so. I don’t cate so much how others do the same things but when I do it it becomes an art form and I go into a trance like hyper focusing state. I do know that my family on both sides also have these same traits of precision and order but over different things. Both my parents where old school animators and I will never forget seeing the frame my mother was working on in the morning and by afternoon it appeared to be the SAME exact drawing but ever so slightly evolved yet still the same frame and scene! It was precise and super clean. With this also came growing up in a family that was super controlling and hyper critical about every little thing. Out of the grew my own self conscious vigilance as I always felt I had my mother or fathers watchful eye or comments right over my shoulder even when they where not there. And yes, I developed an anxiety disorder at a pretty young age and life has been a challenge for me.
Where have you been all of my life 💙 reading your book in Spanish , thank you🙏🙏🙏💯🔝
Making Music.
My perfectionism has destroyed my ability to finish even ONE song. I go into a session with this stupid mind-set that "this one's going to make it to the mainstage, it's going to be something BIG," then, I make it halfway and say "meh, nevermind...people aren't going to enjoy this." I, then, spend hours upon hours re-making a sound, changing the drums, adding things in, taking things out, to the point I get so bored of the song I quit, halfway, and start a new track.
This has gotten so bad, I started new projects daily. I know I deal with the plague that is perfectionism. I believe every song I produce needs to be perfect, and loved by thousands, and played by the biggest artists. I have my head up my ass..."I'VE MADE MUSIC FOR SO MANY YEARS, WHY AREN'T I FAMOUS YET??????"
I look back at the times when I started making music. I didn't care, it didn't need to be good, or perfect, I just made music to make music, and I enjoyed it. I used this mentality, recently.
I found some cheesy Tik Tok acapella floating around, and I just said "fuck it, I'm going to make something out of this, I have 2 hours, I don't care." I made one of the best songs I have made in years. To my ears, anyways, lol.
It was a genre outside of what I usually try to make, So different comfort zone, I gave myself a timeline, and I just didn't care how it turned out. I was able to finish it, show it to people and received mixed reviews, good and bad.
I resorted to my noob state, I stopped giving a shit, and I let people criticize my song.
This was a good starting point in my war against perfectionism, I still have my head up my ass at times, but it's up there less, because of this slight mind-set change.
Reminds me of me. "The great American novelist Robert Stone once joked that he possessed the two worst qualities imaginable in a writer: He was lazy, and he was a perfectionist. Indeed, those are the essential ingredients for torpor and misery, right there. If you want to live a contented creative life, you do not want to cultivate either one of those traits, trust me. What you want is to cultivate quite the opposite: You must learn how to become a deeply disciplined half-ass"
From the book 'Big Magic' by Elizabeth Gilbert, I'd highly recommend it.
@@groboclone I like that! Thank you! will look into it!
Thanks Mark. I needed this. 😊
Brilliant, thanks 4 posting it. You speak my mind: perfection is imperfection and value the in-between options, which I called quantum possibilities.
Most of these good points and insights he mentioned can be retrieved from Eastern and/or Greeko-Roman philosophies.
Mark, this is one of your best videos and lots of great advice. The whole video really resonated with me but specifically your point about learning to react well to your body and your emotions hit home hard.
In my mind I've been wrestling with people giving their advice on how I should treat my body. While I appreciate their advice and I know they're looking out for me, I get irritated/frustrated by this constant stream of word vomit from people.
I know you probably won't see this, but if you do, what do you think is the best way to go about this? Thanks and continue making awesome content!
I am glad I found you at my start of adult life, some tough experiences lesser!
Thank you I really needed that
You’re awesome! Thank you!
True, there are also objective reasons for lowered control over impulses! That's where self-organization becomes meaningful - it lowers the waste of energy needed to control ourselves, and it actually deals with restrictions of our body. I bet this will be a 'perfect' supplement to your idea.
Fantastic video, thank you!
this is the slap in the face i need tnx man
I didn't know you had a channel - you're awesome!
I love this dude and his way o thinkin but I opened this video just to see how he will try to make Me A freakin Virgo to quit perfectionism🌝but jokes a side ik being osd over stuff is bad sometimes but i feel that being a perfectionist and always tryin to do all that i can and make everything perfect if not perfect like somethin near perfect, is what makes me who I’m it what makes me this hardworking person that everyone knows. And btw ur content if perfect it’s nice that although I’ve read yr book but seeing u here is helpful too soo thank u Mr. Mark 💜
It is a legitimate crime that you don't have a lot of subscribers 😅 loveeee your ideas man. They are very relatable all while being your own opinions
Bro , I love this Channel
Logic vs Emotional brain was just what I needed to hear
Thanks Mark
Loved this video, the visuals were funny af!
REAL LIFE HELP. QUALITY. Keeps me flourishing.
i have read both of your books (orange and blue) , i enjoy your videos! 10 minute Mark Manson TH-cam videos are a nice way to reach perfection! I mean imperfection!
Um THANK YOU. I needed this
My mom used to say the same thing she said “just do what you can handle”
Damn. Nice to have stumbled on this channel. Been listening to your audios and its really good to have the video too.
thank you mark, that was pretty helpful
I love the captions/thoughts lol
I have read your book and it was really revealing,full of wisdom and with a subtle art of amuzament.Very good job!I was impressed by the last part of it about the image of death and how we should deal with it.Could you make a video about facing crape?How to deal with a loss ?
I woke up watching 3 of your videos already😀. Thanks
Whoever edits these videos deserves a Grammy
Wow this is really helpful Manson..❤️loved it
Can we all agree that this man is a fucking genius? This is how it must have felt being a student to socrates. What a time to be alive. Thanks my dude, I will definitely re-read your book!!
dude u knw why u have less subscribers, everyone thinks u r not on utube as u r too good at writing but tbh ur videos are even better 🥰
I woke up early this morning to give myself as much time as possible for physics homework. Instead I should have woken up this morning with the intention of actually learning the physics to do my homework. Thank you Mark!