I did not know what it was that kept me going back. But because of you videos I have put a name to it...I'm 30 days no contact...I can not take no calls fm him tho ir see him. Or I will cave and be hovered back in. I'm not strong eno6for that yet
Write down a list of toxic things he did and just look at them every day. Trust yourself to believe that those things are wrong and intentional and don't believe him over your own intuition.
@D Brown , you are strong enough , you just have to believe it for yourself too . You are worth it and already enough as you are now! 👊🏼Pull that shit out of you for deep inside of you . You've got this ,. I believe in you .
Narcissists are so empty inside! So insecure! That’s the real problem with them! They can’t stand seeing someone getting attention my ex was so jealous of me!
My ex used to withhold from hugging me because “it becomes meaningless when you do it everyday, it’s more special when you do it once in a while” but it makes sense that he just didn’t want to make me feel happy. It makes so much sense.
I think, since it's all about power/control and not love, they treat strangers better because they have no power over strangers. A stranger is not tied to a narcissist in any way and they can leave/discard instantly. But the closest person to a narcissist is already tied to them by trust and through legal means(shared residence/marriage/kids). So, since you're tied down to a narcissist, the narc feels like they HAVE you(as in your are their possession). Since they possess you, they have power over you and they don't need to pretend. Those that the narc does not possess(=has no control over), like the strangers and other people, he will treat with extreme politeness and friendliness.
It’s about control. My ex once told me that he treats other people nice to show me that he’s a nice person. That was the beginning of the end. I was one of those people who had kids and stayed for way too long.
My narc spouse once told me that he knows exactly what to do but just doesn't want to do it. From that time on it was like a switch went off in me. I lost all craving for his attention and love. Don't want any from someone that evil....someone who would intentionally hurt the person that loves them the most.
when you realise it is a personality disorder, it might seem like it's "evil" but from a stepped back perspective it's not that dis- similar to how scared, hurt or traumatised children behave....willful obstruction... regarding children who are over controlled or who don't feel in control of what's happening to them eg when experiencing grief or trauma, it's a way of taking back control. Most sources state that narcissism has its roots in childhood trauma. You can tell a child you want them to go to bed, they say they don't want to do it. Its almost like defying a parent...still not appropriate behaviour for an adult relationship ...and then there's the gaslighting of course which I think is worse and more damaging to the recipient cos its messing with ur mind, reality and confuses sense of self trust...all designed to make you doubt your senses and intuition.... so they can get away with more probably.
Mine said this too. He said being kind to me or showing affection was just a chore and he could learn to do it, but that he’d never enjoy it. Broke my heart
It's like mourning two major deaths, both of the fake person you fell in love with and of your own self identity (which will need to change if you want to avoid repeating this experience again). Plus there may be people around you that you start to see for who they are as a secondary effect. But you have to give it time. I'm just over a year out and the pain has died down a lot. It still returns maybe a few days a month, but otherwise I can mostly focus on other things. The panic attacks and other symptoms are also gradually fading. I was 100% certain I was going to take my life a year ago. I had a bad seizure from the high BP, bleeding in my eyes/nose, lost my ST memory for 7 months, couldn't stop crying for hours a day, couldn't sleep, couldn't function at all. I keep describing it as feeling as if someone had cut open my skull and stuck a blender inside. I was clinically insane for a while. I've never experienced anything like it and hopefully never will again. But it has very gradually decreased in intensity and recently I managed to leave the house a few times and meet up with a couple of people at their home (which was impossible for a long time). It's a long process and I constantly re-listen to various lectures/videos so I don't go off track again. But things are slowly returning to some sort of normal and I'm now considering going back to work, at least part time. So hang in there. It does get better! Just be patient with yourself.
Dog whistling... I thought I was crazy.. He almost broke me from that. Thank you for your honesty and naming it. Feels validating finally. I just want to scream, I AM NOT CRAZY!!!. what a weight lifted, I feel freedom.
A lot of people who get into relationships with narcissists think everyone is good at their core and don't believe that people can be so callous. It's hard to understand someone who thinks so differently from you if you try to do good and be a forgiving and loving person. You can get out of the trauma bond by learning to care for yourself and your own needs. When you love a narcissist you stop loving yourself.
Omg me to a T ! Before him i use to think everyone is good deep down except really horrible people of course and love will solve it all but no I set my self up as willing prey
This, wow. Yes, I truly believe all people are good at their core..I found out that she is, at her core..but I get treated like utter shit one minute, then she’s sweet the next? It is such a mind fuck. She treats her friends better than me, but she doesn’t realize that these friends are enabling her. I used to compliment her and be more outgoing with her..but I don’t do it anymore in all honesty. It’s hard to do those things when all I get told is how it’s not good enough anymore for her
You have emotional empathy. It is hard to believe, takes a long time to believe, that the narcissist has none. Any empathy exhibited as a show to friends or work colleagues is learnt, cognitive, cold empathy.
@A M now you need to set boundaries and cut people out who show those red flags, cause you may encounter more down the road as a test. Empathetic people are easy targets because they see the good in people and the love bombing phase shows "potential" meanwhile Its all manipulation so you will stay. Respect yourself enough to walk away
I’m going through my first ever narcissistic break up right now and THIS IS CRAZY!!! Especially how you literally saying everythingggggg I’ve went through….People are sooooo evil omg 😟😦😦 but Journaling and praying to God definitely helps . Pray for these people & don’t harden your heart . Stay blessed y’all 🙏🏾😁
This is my first also! I just started looking this up after I broke up with him and I’m floored. It was a year and half and I went through all of the stages and didn’t know it. Funny, he called his two exes narcissists, that was my red flag and didn’t know. Keep journaling and reminding yourself it was them and not you. Love and light!
Lol mine would say that too and he was usually nice to the waiters and waitresses but at the drive thru if you messed up his order you’d likely be traumatized by his reaction lol 😂 I was always worrying if he was gonna lose it or not
I'm such a supporter of you. I love your videos. I love the work you are doing on yourself. You're a rare breed, but you are normalizing getting help for toxic people. I am so proud of you.
When you know you go. From personal experience leave before the physical symptoms develop. Also they dont change because they dont want to change. They love to see you crumble. Terrifying
When you know you go. When you have a plan and are ready you GOSO. . .YOU GET OUT AND STAY OUT !! It's hard to leave but you can do it. If I can do it, you can too. It's a super power!!
well I truly hope you snap out of it as the narc is getting is wish then isn't he/she? Fight back for yourself, dont let him/her win... You are much better than that deplorable.
and just remember the old saying... a snake ... is always going to be a snake... and leopards never ever change their spots... my ex narc said those very words to me... knowingly, and winked... evil is just plain evil...
At the end of my relationship with my narc ex, he promised to go to therapy. So, I made an appointment and I showed up but guess what? He did not. In the last few weeks of our relationship, I started learning that I was in an abusive relationship and finally decided to end it. I asked him to leave (my house that I was paying for and he was not) and of course, he refused. Eventually, I spoke with a lawyer and they advised me to file for a restraining order. I did that the same day and went no contact that very day. He stalked me for 6 years but I haven't heard/seen him in 2 years. I am doing better than ever and have been to extensive therapy and learned to heal my childhood trauma. Now, I no longer tolerate this type of behavior in a relationship and can spot it immediately. Thank you, Lee, for all your content. It's cathartic for me and I hope you can help many, many people.
@@nikiahota I asked bc I had the same situation. Lawyers told me the only way to get him out of my house was thru an eviction process (in FL) - & he could Still Live In My House While It Was Ongoing!! That would've only upped the toxicity of this man. So I was interested on how you rectified your situation. Hope all is good for you now!
@@flowers6576 I'm much better now. It's been almost 10 years. I hope your situation is better for you, as well. It's really difficult to get these types of people out of your life.
@Transplanted1 UNREAL! I still can’t believe how they lie 🤥, cheat, ghost, and the ferocious backstab and betray yet they are the victim? My husband ran off with another woman started playing house with her and in the background was doing a whole smear campaign lying to the masses about how he was being abused. His Facebook audience clapping and cheered him on. I was blocked silenced from defending myself and speak the “truth” and defend myself from a cascade of lies and deceptions. I watched him parade his affairs in my face. Took all my photos down off his Facebook. God must avenge us of these monsters and bring Justice ⚖️ Karma is alive and well.
I’m going through a breakup with a narcissist rn & your videos help me out tremendously. It’s really hard. But I keep trying to remind myself grieving him is better than tryin to force him to be a part of me & what I need.
@@totallynieve7108 love your name! truthful people are sometimes most easily deceived, knowledge is power and meditation is great for stepping into your own, most healing and will make things easier
You will never get what you need because they are incapable of giving it. Was in hell for 22 years in a loveless marriage. went from being totally adored and then knocked to the ground, just a fraction of myself. You are worth more than what they deserve. Take care of yourself because they will not.
Literally the reason I started my TH-cam channel and Instagram page. I LIVED THIS!!! & YESSSS, a person can truly become the WORST version of themselves 11 years into the 12 year relationship. Always choose yourself and give yourself the love you gave the narcissist!!! Sending loving energy everyone’s way! Namaste y’all!
I just want to sincerely state my gratitude for you doing this channel. It has opened my eyes to unfortunately why my husband is the way he is. Woah eye opening 😳
they sure do!! 23yrs with my ex left 3yrs ago only after he said" ever since you became disabled years ago,I resented you and treated you accordingly everyday"....it was a switch that immediately woke me up to leave. he purposely treated me badly for something I had no control over,I had 7 major surgeries and he was my caretaker during those and I almost died during one of them and now I see the lack of care he had for me....so true is this video and thankyou for sharing.
I am soooooooo happy you created this account. I wish more narcissist people were like you were they acknowledge they need help and weren’t ashamed to get it. It’s just a disorder that needs help just like diabetes. The more we normalize it the more people will be okay with going to therapy. The less there will be a stigma. Bravo !! I’ve heard about NPD from psychologist, but not from an actually Narcissist so this is great! Good work :) P.S. my ex is a narcisist and me and his ex tried getting him to go to therapy and we both were not successful, but maybe one day he will be like you.
My clinically diagnosed malignant narcissist and only adult family member treated me worse than I have ever been treated by all the narcissists in my life time. I am honoring the "no contact" that he initiated so that I can finally heal from the narcissistic abuse. I bless him, wish him the best and set him free and I set myself free.
Amen! Once I found out what I was dealing with, I shut down and was getting ready to leave and he raged ! I found out by taking a test online for depression and found out I was suffering from CPTSD.
Lee, I love your honesty, even though i divorced and went no contact from thr narc 20 years ago, it validates every stage that I went through that I still cant believe I lived through. I can only thank God that I escaped. They are so fake. I Pray people are listening.
My ex told me all he wants to do is win so I tried my best to help him until the day he told me why would he ever be with someone who loves their self. That was when I started taking my emotions away. I really realized he doesn't need a relationship, he needs a therapist, psychiatrist & group therapy.
Love this guy and so so grateful for his directness and so proud of him for being able to become self aware and use his knowledge to teach! much much needed for so many people who just innocently wanted to love and be loved 💖God bless
That totally made me open my eyes saying I’m a willing participant. I absolutely am! And it’s sick!! I hate the way I feel and I stay. I know he cheats and i stay. I am a willing participant. I’m getting out!! Ur videos have changed my life. Thank u!!
Your contribution to the world is immense! I am grateful as well that you are getting more publicity through shows like "The Doctors", your podcasts...etc. I understand where I am with my NARC husband (OTW out), and I have studied this subject a lot and am in a lot better place emotionally and mentally due to therapy and channels like this. However, your perspective is refreshing and unique because you are a diagnosed narc. Most channels are from a therapists perspective. Just Thank you. That's really all I have to say. Thank you for your transparency....your wife speaking to us....and doing everything you can to bring healing and light to victims and other narcs.
My narrassistic ex just left me a day ago after four years and two kids and I am devastated but I came around this video and I am floored. Everything you said was like it meant for me and I was meant to find it tonight. Thank you so much. I got this. ❤️
Man! EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS 💯. I’ve learned so much from your videos and I thank you for speaking your truth🙏 It’s crazy how much I understand what my situation has been. It hurts, but I’m definitely stronger for it and ready to move on with my life. My children and my health and happiness is worth more. Prayers for everyone dealing with this mental disorder.
I use to buy my husband practical, well thought out gifts. Things that he liked. He is a man that has everything so shopping was hard. His response, "This is what you bought me, are you serious"? It turned into tears and an argument. Soon after, the people that worked for him would get similar gifts and he would bring the bag to me with a smile. "Look what they got me". I thought he was straight crazy. Now I get it, thank you!
Omg tell me why my ex did that EXACT example you said about me begging for more affection & he literally would ignore me & kiss pet & love up on the dog!!! He always called me “honey” & he started calling the dog honey!! He was trying to triangulate me and the dog 😂😝🤦♀️
Same here! Dog, my friends, his co-workers any one bar me. Our girls as they got older commented their father loved and paid attention to the dog and his car more than any of us. I left him a year ago and he now has a woman 10 years younger than him.
Thank you brother!! This definitely explains a lot in how my child's mom treated me and answers the question I had for years as to why she would say and do some really hurtful things no matter how many times I told her "I'm not your enemy". Your explanation confirms that it didn't matter. On behalf of everyone living through (and with) this disorder, thanks so much for what you're doing to help us understand.
Wow A M, that's so messed up! it's so unfortunate though that its typical of them and the only people that really see and understand it are the their "targets" (don't like saying victims). NPD really needs to be up there with breast cancer awareness and heart disease. No one should have to go through either of these. Hopefully more people (& especially the courts) will become more aware through forums like this.
You're so brutaly honest... about yourself and how you treat(ed) people. I like that! I think it helps a lot to understand narcissist/ toxic people. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I felt stuck until he'd wake me up at 2 and 4am in the morning yelling about stupid things. I literally had to get an order of protection against him so he could see that I wasn't playing with him. Now he's telling people that he doesn't know why I threw him out and he's playing victim. So sad 😞and sickening.
Lee oh my goodness I couldn't figure out what the problem was. You have made this so clear. I could get along with almost anyone. Never a person to have arguments. This man there has always been conflict. I now see all the dog whisling, the neglect. What you said is truth. He would love on dog never me. We would be out having a great time then he would say stuff trying to piss me off. We would be in a argument and ruin the whole night. I am really just now putting this altogether. I have stayed with my family since July 3rd in NorthCarolina. Now its time to go home to Florida and take out the trash. Thank you!
I asked my partner why he never did the things that I told him I liked regarding sexual intimacy…he flat out told me he knew, he just didn’t want to do them. As a far as the treating me horrible and why I came back (I moved from the US to Australia twice for the relationship) he said you knew how I was why did you come back then. I said well why don’t you ask yourself why you did those things to begin with. It’s so unbelievable I have nothing left in me. Everyday I’m fatigued watching life go by. Edit: I just realized how horrendous my typing was
yoga yoga yoga breathe in that good good prana, close your eyes as you breathe in through the nose, taking the breath right down into the belly, and feel the power of the present moment. Know that you can regenerate, very quickly if you set that intention. Bless you and be well.
Thank you for being so transparent. It truly is a heartbreaking condition, not only for the people close to them but I think for them also. They seem to desperately want to connect with people but are unable to and the pattern just repeats, repeats, repeats. I was his fifth wife and after one year of marriage I left . That was almost 2 years ago and we’ve been divorced for over a year, my heart still breaks. I really want to MoveOn and meet someone new and I have even begun dating. But that feeling haunts me. I wish I could wipe my memory clean.
I know you feel sorry for those who have that condition but most are not seeking help and are WILLINGLY hurting others. Don't feel bad for them, or if anything accept that they are very damaged but that you dont deserve to take on that damage. You deserve better, dust yourself off and find someone who wont dim your light.
@@hippityhoppity6313 Thank you. I'm happy to say, I no longer have that haunting feeling that seemed to linger for so long. The timeline for moving past such a difficult relationship is different for each of us oh, and I'm so thankful that finally reached the other side of the chasm.
I needed to hear this. Told my husband I felt like he has just been using me from the start to facilitate a better life for him and his 4 children. He looked at me coldly and said, if that’s how you felt then why did you stay.
@@MentalHealness Good morning i just wanted to say God is going to give you your Dream. You are for sure going to have your hearts desire. You are going to be famous and you are going to be in the Movies. I will continue to pray until it comes to pass. I know with out a doubt It will manifest. Have a great day.
The closest to the narcissist is considered the narcissist themself. You have been consumed and are considered a part of the narcissist. They are treating you how they internally treat their true self. Insecure, humiliated, low self esteem, abandoned, is how they need you to feel with them , of them, in them.
Oddly, the end of the comment, finally makes sense. However turned around & backwards, thats really true. Insecure, humiliated, abandoned, no self worth/esteem. They need you 2 feel that same way With Them, Of Them & In Them. Amazing.
You helped me realize why this is happening. Great way to put it. And the Neverending lies to explain their bad actions when you already know the truth. Knowing they'll keep changing their stories and thinking you won't remember. Why do chronic liars believe we don't keep track of the different stories? Because they believe we're stupid!!!! Think of how insulting that is!!!!
That explains my daughter's issues with me. Before she told me she wanted nothing to do with me she was disrespectful and just plain mean. She got along with my sister to try and make me feel like she was a better mother than me. I've accepted she's probably not going to be in my life and I'm ok with it. It's alot better than having constant drama.
And I finally "opened up my eyes"... 2yrs ago but It took me 5yrs to leave (due to financial circumstances) and have had 0% contact with him since June 17th of this year! I am homeless but I'd rather live on the streets than put up with anymore of that b.s., I seriously would have checked out had I not left!
Best info ever - Yes it IS malicious intent, why do they do it to their small children? When we leave for safety they chase innocent family down to destroy them!!
It is extremely rare that someone who calls themselves a narc will actually take responsibility for themselves the way you are doing. I have known quite a few it none, not a single one, would ever accept that they had a problem much less go to counseling for it.
You are a good dude. I cannot tell you how many things you hit on in this video that are a part of my life. It’s like you are following me. I feel relieved and like I’m not crazy after all. Thank you.
I been wondering why I just kept going back to the narcissist I had, I wasted 16yrs of my life, but I just realized why I kept going back some months ago, but I’m so glad I found u on here Lee, u give me a better understanding of this thing, I been watching a lot of different videos on here about narcissist, but u give a better and clearer understanding, the trauma bond is real, I been trauma bond along time, but I’m working on getting up out of that thing. Thank u 🙏 for the video, much help. Stay blessed 🙏❤️🙏❤️
Can relate to everything you've made us aware of in this video. No compliments, dog whistling, all of it.I still keep contact with his fam bc I still consider them my fam. Took a few " go backs" but I finally woke up and left the marriage. We still check in on each other bc I still care about him, pray for him. I've got my power back. God has been my strength, my glory and the lifter of my head. I'm an overcomer and am prospering in spite of.
This is brilliant, thank you. When he sensed I'd had enough and was about to leave he really upped his game. Running me baths, DIY jobs around the house, bought me roses, said he would move in. He'd had years to do it, to commit and treat me well. Now I know he just didn't want to.
Has anyone ever felt like they’ve turned into their narc ex? After our relationship ended I now feel so angry at the world and I am no longer the kind & compassionate person I was before meeting him. I tried dating and completely hurt a really nice guy 💔 It’s like I became my ex and I put the nice guy in the position I was in. I never wanted to hurt him and even told him he deserved someone better. It’s like I knew we’d never work, but kept him around and I don’t know whyyyy??? I just want to know if this is a common outcome after you leave the narc and how to go back to the person I once was????
you either jump into dating too soon or didn't heal yourself from the trauma. we are empath and they could be one if they wasn't traumatized which is their goal to do with us. take some time to heal and also make note of the red flags of the narcissist so you don't become those red flags !
Yes that can happen but don't let it bc you still have to live and if that doesn't speak to your emp heart then maybe thinking about being stuck and letting him ruin your future while he's moved on and starting over and he's happy you're bitter and miserable speak to your narc trait heart. He will be happy that he forever broke you. Don't let that happen. The best thing is to be happy but at the very least get revenge by showing up powerful, sexy and youthful and still loving.
Your videos are the best Lee! I'm grateful to you for sharing your self awareness with everyone, I'm grateful that you are in therapy trying to help yourself and work on your marriage! You sure found a good lady if she's willing to work with you! Thank you for instilling in us that you don't respond to anything that does not have consequences. Thank you for explaining why you are unable to apologize and why you mistreat the closest person to you! The main reason I love your videos is because you are down-to-earth you are real you tell it like it is with a twist of humor of humor, that's the best! I've never dozed off watching one of your videos!!😃🙂💢💥
Thank you for your videos. I'm still learning all the depths of this, and your videos help a lot. It reveals past and present situations of family, friends, etc on different degrees of this and shows what to watch out for, and to keep myself in check. Prayers for healing of everyone on both sides of it and to stop the cycle.
Thank you for doing these videos. I think it's awesome. Ive been in a relationship with a narc for 3 1/2 yrs, and channels like yours have really helped me to not go crazy. Keep up the good work. Love and light to you
You're amazing! I just started watching your videos and you are telling my story. Thank you for informing people about this condition. People don't understand unless they've been there. Keep doing what your doing. Thank you
Lee, your presentations are effortless and ring the bell of authenticity, breaking out through the clouds of confusion with such clarity, determination and passion. Your honest and no nonsense approach is concise, refreshing, educational and healing. You have a real talent for story telling and acting out the scenarios, the way you portray the different characters involved in these examples demonstrates a gift for acting, I can imagine you starring in a film. You would smash it in Hollywood!! You have a true talent. I love the way you hit the nail straight on the head and combine humour with your willingness to address the most difficult issues, with a rare gift for being able to represent both sides. You are a great advocate to encourage people into therapy. I appreciate that you have endorsed that through therapy you're life has improved, without which you would have lost everything. Congratulations on that as you so richly deserve. I felt the blow when you said on a previous video, that your therapist had warned you that for someone with NPD to embark on the process of increased self awareness comes with a warning that there is a potential for that self awareness to progress NPD towards sociopathy. Your honest reaction to this of like "What!, I thought I was here to get better and your now telling me this...." is completely understandable and I agree it sounds like a, not sure how to put it... but definitely an unwanted "twist" in the tale. Please could you say more about this, what your therapist advises and how you are coming to terms with that information? Especially as you are gaining more internet presence. Regarding my initial comments about an acting career, I'm wondering if this sort of thing , or anything generally well known for "feeding the ego", like fame for example could be the catalyst which ignites an unwanted trend towards a worse problem, especially as your social media presence is now growing and becoming hugely successful and popular, as you have grown such a large following. Is this a concern and do you think it could be counter productive to your healing process, the bigger and more "famous" you become? Have you considered a time of retreat from the public eye in the future or does the audience type of attention you are receiving have the potential or indeed pose the threat of being an "addictive" and destructive source of supply, as is clearly demonstrated by many celebrities, pop stars, film stars, big sports people etc. I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts on this and also what your therapist has said to help you to navigate the path of internet stardom alongside (or vs) the path of healing. Do you think there is a potential for true healing from this condition or is the purpose of therapy more about assisting with management in order to be able to have a happier life? It would be great if you could do a video on the real benefits of your therapy to yourself and if indeed talk about if you are now having a happier and more fulfilled life, especially with regards to interpersonal relationships? I feel disappointed/ devastated also to learn from what you shared about this warning from the therapist; that increased self awareness for someone with NPD could progress towards sociopathy. Lord have mercy and protect your mind, body, spirit from this. It is a mind blowing concept to suggest that therapy could then be counter productive to healing in this sort of situation. The recent case of Britney highlights the downside of fame and demonstrates how destructive it I can be to mental health, with the paparazzi being legally allowed to perpetrate mob aggravation on its targeted celeb. I hope you will guard yourself against this and I wonder how you cope with it, now you are becoming very well known? Have you thought about removing yourself from the public eye in the future or going on a healing retreat? Do you meditate , do yoga or breath work, all of which facilitate the drawing in of "prana", energetic supply from the Universe and is a way for all people to be able to free themselves from the need to draw supply from other humans? The book "The Celestine Prophesy" talks about this but through the practise of daily connecting with a above all, the practise of appreciation of nature and of any person who is putting a "control drama" on you. Most deep and insightful. I wonder if your therapist has recommended any mindfulness/spiritual prractise like this? I wonder if you have any interest in Buddhism, which teaches non attachment at its core. I'm wondering if the audience attention from being "famous" could be or become addictive and potentially destructive. How do you plan to navigate this and what does your therapist advise? Do you have any hobbies that connect you with nature, for example walking, gardening, camping or spending time in the forest.....etc which could provide a powerful antidote to all of the above concerns? Wishing you all the very best on your journey with many thanks for the wonderful work you do. God bless you always..
Haley this is my first time coming across one of your videos I just wanted to thank you I spent 15 years with my son's dad we are not together anymore which is a great thing but sometimes I will let my son go over there and last time I went over there he was completely and utterly rude to me in front of the people that my son was around now I'm a good sweet person and I was trying to make a good impression to these people so we could all hang out for a second while I was picking up my son and he completely embarrassed me in front of them on purpose to try to make himself look a certain way so I just immediately walked out and told him I was going for a drive while he got my son ready but I wanted you to know that I honestly really needed to see this in order to stop having my feelings hurt about that. I stopped letting him hurt my feelings a long time ago but he never fails to surprise me when it comes to other people around. So I appreciate this a lot thank you
Yes this is so accurate!! Last night my ex literally admitted that he knew everything(he literally LISTED OFF everything) I wanted and expected out of him during the relationship but he was purposely not giving it to me because he was “only thinking about himself”. Which aligns perfectly with what Lee says. they know EXACTLY what you want/need and will purposely withhold that from you.
From finding your tiktok when you first started I have learned so much and opened my eyes. I actually followed your comedy page and then you mentioned your other page!!! I’m glad to have found you and a few others!!! I’m definitely bread crumbed a lot but the last 4-5 years I wasn’t giving in as much and now I don’t give in at all.
When he told me “I’m the only one that can hurt you “ I knew then it was time to discard! We had been HS sweethearts... it was very hard the last 10 yrs was an emotional entanglement
Lee 😂 I RESPECT you and your approach to "Stigma Busting". What's more? I respect anyone who can be honest with themselves in front of the entire World without fear, and make comically make light of it all. That in itself is true POWER, true STRENGTH, real COURAGE. Thank you for being the example, sir. BRAVO 👏👏👏 🎖️🎖️🎖️🎉🎉🎉💐💐💐
Dog whistling is a term I definitely needed to learn about. I didn’t know this is what it’s called. It’s crazy making because I’ll start doubting myself or wondering if I’m reading into his subtle comments and innuendos… sometimes all he has to do is look at me a certain way regarding certain topics and I feel like he’s making a back handed comment or referring to a mistake or insecurity I have. It’s hard because these moments are hard to try to describe to anyone else because they won’t understand why it was hurtful what he said …
It took me a long time to figure out how to handle this and a few other in-public tactics my ex-husband would use. The best way for me to handle it was to be okay with looking upset if I turned the situation into a business-like confrontation. I would not ask him what he meant-- I'd just say why are you bringing this up now in front of these people or who told you that or I thought you'd agreed to stop lying/exaggerating about this, etc. I ALWAYS just stopped the conversation and confronted him in front of everyone like I was his boss reprimanding him. Now that we're years into being divorced but have to do the custody hell thing, I do the same thing as much as I'm legally allowed as he is the same stupid little time-wasting troll he's always been. They DEFINITELY do this to try and make you look unhinged, but if you can own the moment, you can let people see that he's purposefully upsetting you. (Be prepared for him to be pissed but confused. My ex would try to push me out of the conversation... and I'd just make sure he either answered in front of everyone or left!)
It's hard for me to even be in his presence. We have 17 yr old son that he turns against me and keeps away from me. Just looking into the eyes and hearing the voice that nearly caused me to commit suicide brings back such pain anguish and unbelievable FEAR..
@@christiesmith2049 Hi Christie I hit the like button because I like that you have reached out and openly shared the torment you have and still are enduring, not because I like the situation you've described. I'm saluting your courage in not keeping this bottled up inside. I hope you have a good psychotherapist of healer that you are currently getting help from as what you have described is unacceptable for anyone to have to endure alone. I hope you are doing some sort of "body work", exercise, stretching, yoga, tai chi, pilates or just walking in nature as this WILL shift the energy of anguish out of your body with the breath so that you are not carrying around a cumulative effect in your "pain body" Eckhart Tolle talks about the pain body that we all possess. Emotion breaks down to "energy in motion" and when it become stuck then you have a ticking time bomb. Please keep your energy flowing and your mind focussed on the outcome you prefer, (especially with regards to your son . I'm referring to the work of Abraham Hicks with regards to conscious manifestation. While ever we put our attention on the problem , then it attracts (through the Law of Attraction) more of its same kind to it. It is recommended that you focus on the problem for 17 seconds ONLY and then "pivot" the situation by asking yourself this question: What do I prefer? and then immerse yourself in your creative imagination to see, feel, smell taste and touch your preferred outcome. It is the start to realising you can influence your own reality rather than staying stuck in horrible situation projected onto you by an ill person, or any other person. Step into your Higher self consciousness and consider using an affirmation 3 times a day or more, it is a powerful statement of intent, eg "I Cast this burden upon the Christ within(the Divine Self/ Higher Self/Buddha Self, - whatever you are drawn to which represents the Divine ) . I freely forgive, I loose and Let go, I cast all unforgiveness upon the Christ within, I am free and you are free." and then take 3 deep breaths and exhale all attachments to this situation. Understand that this is a soul lesson that you have come to transcend and affirm and Know that "All is Well in my world, All is well." May God bless you and yours and I am praying for your restored happiness, dear one. Namaste in the Love and the Light of the One Pure Creator.
@Mental Healness your videos are on point. I am diagnosed with PTSD and never understood why my wife was so cold realizing she has a Narcissistic Personality. Thank you for all you do
Thank you so much for speaking the truth. You are honest and funny. And you do have a great point in every of your videos. My ex husband is a narcissist and when I need to know something I listen to your videos. I didn’t know what narcissist was until he 2-1/2 years ago left me for another woman and I found out that he was diagnosed narcissist, so I researched about it and your videos helped a lot. So thank you . Ps I was married to him for 33 and half years and then one day without a word he just left, he still is with her and im still married to him, but I don’t think I love him anymore. God willing will see what happens, I only trust God now nobody else.
True! My ex Narc wouldn't pay me a compliment until I left... He'd be like, "You look cute!" I'd respond with, "I look the same!" We have 3 sons & it started when my oldest was a baby... He would come over & not acknowledge me & love on the baby & when I tell him he says, "You're jealous of a baby?!"
Holy damn, I needed this channel. Hearing this from a self aware narcissist is next level cuz if you can my narcissist can, and JUST ISNT (yet or ever). THANK YOU!!
I have been looking up stuff on narcissists for days now. It’s comforting to hear from someone who actually is inside the mind of the person of the disorder. I’ve been going through a ring of emotions since I stopped contacting my narcissist and it wasn’t until I started researching that I realized that I have so many people around me who mah be suffering from this disorder . I have borderline personality disorder , this tends to make my brain go in circles with racing thoughts. Ever since me and my narcissistic ex partner seperated I’ve been going through a circle of doubt and emotions thinking what I was feeling was crazy. Lee thank you so much for sharing your story and educating us. Also congrats on your self journey , I know it probably wasn’t easy. ❤️
That’s my mom 100%. She never has anything proactive or positive to say. She only speaks when she wants to complain. My mom is the kind of mother that will tear the entire house apart because no one did the dishes…….but she’ll never just ask you to do the dishes. 🙄 No….I do not live with my mother anymore. It’s been years. Thank God.
Mine complains and talks about everybody she’s miserable.. she’s been cheated on her husband for 34 yrs with the same man, she goes back and forth.. all she wants is their money.
The part of walking past and hugging the dog..my everyday experience, then he spends 2 hrs on the phone in the bathroom knowing I have fam dinner cooked and then tells me I act awkward 😐
Oh I had forgotten that about my Nex. He was always loving on that dog. It used to infuriate me seeing he was capable of affection but completely unwilling to show any to the humans in the house.
Again I´m so grateful I found your clips here because you explain so damn well and make the whole thing clear. You talked about something here that the Narc exactly knows what makes his/her Friend/Partner happy but just doesn´t do it. That is true and it´s wicked. Did a Narc know he/she kills all feelings and destroys a connection until nothing is left? What is the benefit out of that? You lose one by one and always need to walk in the same Circle - Love-bombing, devaluing, discard on and on. And if someone can stand all the badass behavior is that fulfilling?
I appreciate your videos so much. It’s crazy how your examples are identical to so many of our own from family to romantic partners. I still love mine but I’m choosing to love me more now. Thank you 👑✨
Omggg you’re so right! I’ve never gotten a compliment from my narcissistic ex. I’d ask him how I look and he’d say “you look aight”. I’d send him pictures to get his opinion on a certain outfit just to get no response. My goodness that drove me crazy. He never hesitated to compliment females on social media though
Lee! Lol this video here is hilarious I can’t wait to watch every video from beginning to NOW Thank you for setting this Empath free with the help of the Lord bringing me here to you and other TH-camrs God brought me here first and you just broke it all down for me 4 years after my abuse, I’ve been a subscriber for years but I guess I wasn’t listening as well as I am now, some of your viewers are at all stages of this thang, and I pray that their ears be open to hear the TRUTH it’ll set you free and save your life 6 years in 4 years out!!! Getting the journal now Proud of you man I know the start wasn’t easy, you remind me of my child’s father so much can’t wait to speak to you ! God bless you always Never Stop going to therapy🎉 I’m going too❤
I did not know what it was that kept me going back. But because of you videos I have put a name to it...I'm 30 days no contact...I can not take no calls fm him tho ir see him. Or I will cave and be hovered back in. I'm not strong eno6for that yet
Stay empowered on your journey
Write down a list of toxic things he did and just look at them every day. Trust yourself to believe that those things are wrong and intentional and don't believe him over your own intuition.
1 mont further, hope you're still out.
@D Brown , you are strong enough , you just have to believe it for yourself too . You are worth it and already enough as you are now! 👊🏼Pull that shit out of you for deep inside of you . You've got this ,. I believe in you .
It sure seems like there’s some narcs in here trying to get some supply from survivors. Lol so predictable
Narcissists are so empty inside! So insecure! That’s the real problem with them! They can’t stand seeing someone getting attention my ex was so jealous of me!
Right! When I gave birth to our daughter he said I payed more attention to my mom. 😳🤷🏾♀️
Instead of showering you with love they become jealous of you.infact they are everything evil
My ex used to withhold from hugging me because “it becomes meaningless when you do it everyday, it’s more special when you do it once in a while” but it makes sense that he just didn’t want to make me feel happy. It makes so much sense.
I think, since it's all about power/control and not love, they treat strangers better because they have no power over strangers. A stranger is not tied to a narcissist in any way and they can leave/discard instantly. But the closest person to a narcissist is already tied to them by trust and through legal means(shared residence/marriage/kids). So, since you're tied down to a narcissist, the narc feels like they HAVE you(as in your are their possession). Since they possess you, they have power over you and they don't need to pretend. Those that the narc does not possess(=has no control over), like the strangers and other people, he will treat with extreme politeness and friendliness.
Sooooo true!!!been there!!!!
It’s about control. My ex once told me that he treats other people nice to show me that he’s a nice person. That was the beginning of the end. I was one of those people who had kids and stayed for way too long.
stay strong
I feel likw u just said my story !
@@sheilamyers45 you are not alone.Same!
Don't blame yourself . . .you were a victim. No one should blame you.
My husband told me he always talks other women always know about him. Me I am a nobody he doesn’t tell me anything
My narc spouse once told me that he knows exactly what to do but just doesn't want to do it. From that time on it was like a switch went off in me. I lost all craving for his attention and love. Don't want any from someone that evil....someone who would intentionally hurt the person that loves them the most.
sounds about right. They know
Exactly!! If you intentionally hurt me that’s not love!!
when you realise it is a personality disorder, it might seem like it's "evil" but from a stepped back perspective it's not that dis- similar to how scared, hurt or traumatised children behave....willful obstruction... regarding children who are over controlled or who don't feel in control of what's happening to them eg when experiencing grief or trauma, it's a way of taking back control. Most sources state that narcissism has its roots in childhood trauma. You can tell a child you want them to go to bed, they say they don't want to do it. Its almost like defying a parent...still not appropriate behaviour for an adult relationship ...and then there's the gaslighting of course which I think is worse and more damaging to the recipient cos its messing with ur mind, reality and confuses sense of self trust...all designed to make you doubt your senses and intuition.... so they can get away with more probably.
@@stargazer5080 Soooo true!!!
Mine said this too. He said being kind to me or showing affection was just a chore and he could learn to do it, but that he’d never enjoy it. Broke my heart
Breaking a trauma bond is extremely difficult
I didn’t know
Yes it is😒
But possible...I've done it before,and will again,so can you...
Still possible. Start with thinking about how much you value YOU. If you don't value yourself or see your worth it will be hard.
It's like mourning two major deaths, both of the fake person you fell in love with and of your own self identity (which will need to change if you want to avoid repeating this experience again). Plus there may be people around you that you start to see for who they are as a secondary effect. But you have to give it time.
I'm just over a year out and the pain has died down a lot. It still returns maybe a few days a month, but otherwise I can mostly focus on other things. The panic attacks and other symptoms are also gradually fading. I was 100% certain I was going to take my life a year ago. I had a bad seizure from the high BP, bleeding in my eyes/nose, lost my ST memory for 7 months, couldn't stop crying for hours a day, couldn't sleep, couldn't function at all. I keep describing it as feeling as if someone had cut open my skull and stuck a blender inside. I was clinically insane for a while. I've never experienced anything like it and hopefully never will again. But it has very gradually decreased in intensity and recently I managed to leave the house a few times and meet up with a couple of people at their home (which was impossible for a long time).
It's a long process and I constantly re-listen to various lectures/videos so I don't go off track again. But things are slowly returning to some sort of normal and I'm now considering going back to work, at least part time. So hang in there. It does get better! Just be patient with yourself.
Dog whistling... I thought I was crazy.. He almost broke me from that. Thank you for your honesty and naming it. Feels validating finally. I just want to scream, I AM NOT CRAZY!!!. what a weight lifted, I feel freedom.
You are so welcome
It’s like ppl don’t understand
Blessings to you & much healing💞
The people who accuse you of doing something, they are guilty of it themselves.
A lot of people who get into relationships with narcissists think everyone is good at their core and don't believe that people can be so callous. It's hard to understand someone who thinks so differently from you if you try to do good and be a forgiving and loving person. You can get out of the trauma bond by learning to care for yourself and your own needs. When you love a narcissist you stop loving yourself.
Omg me to a T ! Before him i use to think everyone is good deep down except really horrible people of course and love will solve it all but no I set my self up as willing prey
This, wow. Yes, I truly believe all people are good at their core..I found out that she is, at her core..but I get treated like utter shit one minute, then she’s sweet the next? It is such a mind fuck. She treats her friends better than me, but she doesn’t realize that these friends are enabling her.
I used to compliment her and be more outgoing with her..but I don’t do it anymore in all honesty. It’s hard to do
those things when all I get told is how it’s not good enough anymore for her
You have emotional empathy. It is hard to believe, takes a long time to believe, that the narcissist has none. Any empathy exhibited as a show to friends or work colleagues is learnt, cognitive, cold empathy.
@@Thetimeisntcomingback not true. There are many sick evil people in this world. Do you think a child rapist is good at the core?
@A M now you need to set boundaries and cut people out who show those red flags, cause you may encounter more down the road as a test. Empathetic people are easy targets because they see the good in people and the love bombing phase shows "potential" meanwhile Its all manipulation so you will stay. Respect yourself enough to walk away
I’m going through my first ever narcissistic break up right now and THIS IS CRAZY!!! Especially how you literally saying everythingggggg I’ve went through….People are sooooo evil omg 😟😦😦 but Journaling and praying to God definitely helps . Pray for these people & don’t harden your heart . Stay blessed y’all 🙏🏾😁
This is my first also! I just started looking this up after I broke up with him and I’m floored. It was a year and half and I went through all of the stages and didn’t know it. Funny, he called his two exes narcissists, that was my red flag and didn’t know. Keep journaling and reminding yourself it was them and not you. Love and light!
go through it a few dozen times and your heart will harden no matter what you do or want. It's inevitable.
Lol mine would say that too and he was usually nice to the waiters and waitresses but at the drive thru if you messed up his order you’d likely be traumatized by his reaction lol 😂 I was always worrying if he was gonna lose it or not
@@tigercappy8982 yes! Walking on eggshells smhhh
I felt that girl. I pray that you continue to heal❣️
A narcissist logic is so low bar, I appreciate this guys honesty
They get mentally stuck at toddler's age. End up with toddler's traits. Once you know they're like glass. But it still hurts.
I'm such a supporter of you. I love your videos. I love the work you are doing on yourself. You're a rare breed, but you are normalizing getting help for toxic people. I am so proud of you.
I appreciate it
Agreed!
Listening to you makes me incredibly sad. My narcissist is exactly as you describe. I feel dead inside😔
When you know you go. From personal experience leave before the physical symptoms develop. Also they dont change because they dont want to change. They love to see you crumble. Terrifying
When you know you go. When you have a plan and are ready you GOSO. . .YOU GET OUT AND STAY OUT !! It's hard to leave but you can do it. If I can do it, you can too. It's a super power!!
well I truly hope you snap out of it as the narc is getting is wish then isn't he/she? Fight back for yourself, dont let him/her win... You are much better than that deplorable.
and just remember the old saying... a snake ... is always going to be a snake... and leopards never ever change their spots... my ex narc said those very words to me... knowingly, and winked... evil is just plain evil...
At the end of my relationship with my narc ex, he promised to go to therapy. So, I made an appointment and I showed up but guess what? He did not. In the last few weeks of our relationship, I started learning that I was in an abusive relationship and finally decided to end it. I asked him to leave (my house that I was paying for and he was not) and of course, he refused. Eventually, I spoke with a lawyer and they advised me to file for a restraining order. I did that the same day and went no contact that very day. He stalked me for 6 years but I haven't heard/seen him in 2 years. I am doing better than ever and have been to extensive therapy and learned to heal my childhood trauma. Now, I no longer tolerate this type of behavior in a relationship and can spot it immediately. Thank you, Lee, for all your content. It's cathartic for me and I hope you can help many, many people.
@Samantha Thompson: Did you get him out of your house (& if so, how?) Or did you have to leave the house (for the restraining order)?
@@flowers6576 I filed a restraining order - that's how I got him out finally. I apologize for the delayed response.
@@nikiahota I asked bc I had the same situation. Lawyers told me the only way to get him out of my house was thru an eviction process (in FL) - & he could Still Live In My House While It Was Ongoing!! That would've only upped the toxicity of this man. So I was interested on how you rectified your situation. Hope all is good for you now!
@@flowers6576 I'm much better now. It's been almost 10 years. I hope your situation is better for you, as well. It's really difficult to get these types of people out of your life.
@@nikiahota Yes it is a difficult thing to do.
So glad you're doing much better!! So am I.
This is 100% accurate. It’s very heartbreaking.
😔
Yes it is
Husband / Wife dynamic 💯 TRUTH lived it 💔😞 in public a show in private a monster.
Exactly ... the hardest relationship I had to leave !
YES
Sound like my ex
@Transplanted1 UNREAL! I still can’t believe how they lie 🤥, cheat, ghost, and the ferocious backstab and betray yet they are the victim?
My husband ran off with another woman started playing house with her and in the background was doing a whole smear campaign lying to the masses about how he was being abused. His Facebook audience clapping and cheered him on.
I was blocked silenced from defending myself and speak the “truth” and defend myself from a cascade of lies and deceptions. I watched him parade his affairs in my face. Took all my photos down off his Facebook. God must avenge us of these monsters and bring Justice ⚖️ Karma is alive and well.
Omg....Yes
I’m going through a breakup with a narcissist rn & your videos help me out tremendously. It’s really hard. But I keep trying to remind myself grieving him is better than tryin to force him to be a part of me & what I need.
stay empowered
It is very difficult.
@@totallynieve7108 love your name! truthful people are sometimes most easily deceived, knowledge is power and meditation is great for stepping into your own, most healing and will make things easier
You will never get what you need because they are incapable of giving it. Was in hell for 22 years in a loveless marriage. went from being totally adored and then knocked to the ground, just a fraction of myself. You are worth more than what they deserve. Take care of yourself because they will not.
@@bridgetpower6994 Truth!
Literally the reason I started my TH-cam channel and Instagram page. I LIVED THIS!!!
& YESSSS, a person can truly become the WORST version of themselves 11 years into the 12 year relationship.
Always choose yourself and give yourself the love you gave the narcissist!!!
Sending loving energy everyone’s way! Namaste y’all!
You just gave me the strength to walk out the door I'm dropping the mic I'm gone! Deleting his number no longer answering his calls thank you!
I just want to sincerely state my gratitude for you doing this channel. It has opened my eyes to unfortunately why my husband is the way he is. Woah eye opening 😳
When I confronted my soon-to-be ex on the intentionally mean things he was doing, his knowing smirk told me everything I needed to know.
they sure do!! 23yrs with my ex left 3yrs ago only after he said" ever since you became disabled years ago,I resented you and treated you accordingly everyday"....it was a switch that immediately woke me up to leave. he purposely treated me badly for something I had no control over,I had 7 major surgeries and he was my caretaker during those and I almost died during one of them and now I see the lack of care he had for me....so true is this video and thankyou for sharing.
I am soooooooo happy you created this account. I wish more narcissist people were like you were they acknowledge they need help and weren’t ashamed to get it. It’s just a disorder that needs help just like diabetes. The more we normalize it the more people will be okay with going to therapy. The less there will be a stigma. Bravo !! I’ve heard about NPD from psychologist, but not from an actually Narcissist so this is great! Good work :) P.S. my ex is a narcisist and me and his ex tried getting him to go to therapy and we both were not successful, but maybe one day he will be like you.
My clinically diagnosed malignant narcissist and only adult family member treated me worse than I have ever been treated by all the narcissists in my life time. I am honoring the "no contact" that he initiated so that I can finally heal from the narcissistic abuse. I bless him, wish him the best and set him free and I set myself free.
Amen! Once I found out what I was dealing with, I shut down and was getting ready to leave and he raged ! I found out by taking a test online for depression and found out I was suffering from CPTSD.
Lee, I love your honesty, even though i divorced and went no contact from thr narc 20 years ago, it validates every stage that I went through that I still cant believe I lived through. I can only thank God that I escaped. They are so fake. I Pray people are listening.
stay empowered
My ex told me all he wants to do is win so I tried my best to help him until the day he told me why would he ever be with someone who loves their self. That was when I started taking my emotions away. I really realized he doesn't need a relationship, he needs a therapist, psychiatrist & group therapy.
AMEN!!!!
Yup
Love this guy and so so grateful for his directness and so proud of him for being able to become self aware and use his knowledge to teach!
much much needed for so many people who just innocently wanted to love and be loved 💖God bless
That totally made me open my eyes saying I’m a willing participant. I absolutely am! And it’s sick!! I hate the way I feel and I stay. I know he cheats and i stay. I am a willing participant. I’m getting out!! Ur videos have changed my life. Thank u!!
Your contribution to the world is immense! I am grateful as well that you are getting more publicity through shows like "The Doctors", your podcasts...etc. I understand where I am with my NARC husband (OTW out), and I have studied this subject a lot and am in a lot better place emotionally and mentally due to therapy and channels like this. However, your perspective is refreshing and unique because you are a diagnosed narc. Most channels are from a therapists perspective. Just Thank you. That's really all I have to say. Thank you for your transparency....your wife speaking to us....and doing everything you can to bring healing and light to victims and other narcs.
Thank you . I really appreciate it
My narrassistic ex just left me a day ago after four years and two kids and I am devastated but I came around this video and I am floored. Everything you said was like it meant for me and I was meant to find it tonight. Thank you so much. I got this. ❤️
You got this! stay strong
You are so right about the dog comments and also not giving affection. I am so happy to be NO CONTACT with him. Your videos have helped so much.
Man! EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS 💯. I’ve learned so much from your videos and I thank you for speaking your truth🙏 It’s crazy how much I understand what my situation has been. It hurts, but I’m definitely stronger for it and ready to move on with my life. My children and my health and happiness is worth more. Prayers for everyone dealing with this mental disorder.
I use to buy my husband practical, well thought out gifts. Things that he liked. He is a man that has everything so shopping was hard. His response, "This is what you bought me, are you serious"? It turned into tears and an argument. Soon after, the people that worked for him would get similar gifts and he would bring the bag to me with a smile. "Look what they got me". I thought he was straight crazy. Now I get it, thank you!
You definitely are my favourite self aware narcissist, I had a good laugh during this one.. love the way you explain things
lol appreciate it
Omg tell me why my ex did that EXACT example you said about me begging for more affection & he literally would ignore me & kiss pet & love up on the dog!!! He always called me “honey” & he started calling the dog honey!! He was trying to triangulate me and the dog 😂😝🤦♀️
Same here! Dog, my friends, his co-workers any one bar me. Our girls as they got older commented their father loved and paid attention to the dog and his car more than any of us. I left him a year ago and he now has a woman 10 years younger than him.
Yes he was trying to triangulate you and the dog.
Thank you brother!!
This definitely explains a lot in how my child's mom treated me and answers the question I had for years as to why she would say and do some really hurtful things no matter how many times I told her "I'm not your enemy". Your explanation confirms that it didn't matter.
On behalf of everyone living through (and with) this disorder, thanks so much for what you're doing to help us understand.
My man. I would say the same. They seem not to get that.
Wow A M, that's so messed up! it's so unfortunate though that its typical of them and the only people that really see and understand it are the their "targets" (don't like saying victims).
NPD really needs to be up there with breast cancer awareness and heart disease. No one should have to go through either of these. Hopefully more people (& especially the courts) will become more aware through forums like this.
You're so brutaly honest... about yourself and how you treat(ed) people. I like that! I think it helps a lot to understand narcissist/ toxic people. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I didn’t think this would trigger me as much as it did. My anxiety was higher than it’s ever been; I started pacing and panicked. You are spot on sir.
its definitely a trauma bond, an addiction, I feel stuck.
🥺🥺
I felt stuck until he'd wake me up at 2 and 4am in the morning yelling about stupid things. I literally had to get an order of protection against him so he could see that I wasn't playing with him. Now he's telling people that he doesn't know why I threw him out and he's playing victim. So sad 😞and sickening.
You're a direct threat to their scam. Control. Everyone wins but them. Thank you Lee.
Lee oh my goodness I couldn't figure out what the problem was. You have made this so clear. I could get along with almost anyone. Never a person to have arguments. This man there has always been conflict. I now see all the dog whisling, the neglect. What you said is truth. He would love on dog never me. We would be out having a great time then he would say stuff trying to piss me off. We would be in a argument and ruin the whole night. I am really just now putting this altogether. I have stayed with my family since July 3rd in NorthCarolina. Now its time to go home to Florida and take out the trash. Thank you!
NC !!!
Yes let’s break the stigma & get better! Great video Lee! Appreciate you my guy!
yessir! 💪🏽
Absolutely!
I asked my partner why he never did the things that I told him I liked regarding sexual intimacy…he flat out told me he knew, he just didn’t want to do them. As a far as the treating me horrible and why I came back (I moved from the US to Australia twice for the relationship) he said you knew how I was why did you come back then. I said well why don’t you ask yourself why you did those things to begin with. It’s so unbelievable I have nothing left in me. Everyday I’m fatigued watching life go by.
Edit: I just realized how horrendous my typing was
Wooow
yoga yoga yoga breathe in that good good prana, close your eyes as you breathe in through the nose, taking the breath right down into the belly, and feel the power of the present moment. Know that you can regenerate, very quickly if you set that intention. Bless you and be well.
Thank you for being so transparent. It truly is a heartbreaking condition, not only for the people close to them but I think for them also. They seem to desperately want to connect with people but are unable to and the pattern just repeats, repeats, repeats.
I was his fifth wife and after one year of marriage I left . That was almost 2 years ago and we’ve been divorced for over a year, my heart still breaks. I really want to MoveOn and meet someone new and I have even begun dating. But that feeling haunts me. I wish I could wipe my memory clean.
I know you feel sorry for those who have that condition but most are not seeking help and are WILLINGLY hurting others. Don't feel bad for them, or if anything accept that they are very damaged but that you dont deserve to take on that damage. You deserve better, dust yourself off and find someone who wont dim your light.
@@hippityhoppity6313 Thank you.
I'm happy to say, I no longer have that haunting feeling that seemed to linger for so long. The timeline for moving past such a difficult relationship is different for each of us oh, and I'm so thankful that finally reached the other side of the chasm.
I needed to hear this. Told my husband I felt like he has just been using me from the start to facilitate a better life for him and his 4 children. He looked at me coldly and said, if that’s how you felt then why did you stay.
Lee you are doing a great job
Ignor the haters you are helping so many people.
Thank you. I appreciate it
@@MentalHealness Good morning i just wanted to say God is going to give you your Dream.
You are for sure going to have your hearts desire.
You are going to be famous and you are going to be in the Movies.
I will continue to pray until it comes to pass.
I know with out a doubt
It will manifest.
Have a great day.
You keep going on Lee 😊 Tell the world about this. So many people need to hear and learn.
Stay safe....... God bless.....
The closest to the narcissist is considered the narcissist themself. You have been consumed and are considered a part of the narcissist. They are treating you how they internally treat their true self. Insecure, humiliated, low self esteem, abandoned, is how they need you to feel with them , of them, in them.
You said, “You have been consumed”. Wow, I needed to read that just the way you wrote that. My mind is mapping ‘consumed’, and clarity is rising.
Oddly, the end of the comment, finally makes sense.
However turned around & backwards, thats really true. Insecure, humiliated, abandoned, no self worth/esteem. They need you 2 feel that same way With Them, Of Them & In Them.
Amazing.
You helped me realize why this is happening. Great way to put it. And the Neverending lies to explain their bad actions when you already know the truth. Knowing they'll keep changing their stories and thinking you won't remember. Why do chronic liars believe we don't keep track of the different stories? Because they believe we're stupid!!!! Think of how insulting that is!!!!
Wow,that's do interesting - didn't know this.
That explains my daughter's issues with me. Before she told me she wanted nothing to do with me she was disrespectful and just plain mean. She got along with my sister to try and make me feel like she was a better mother than me. I've accepted she's probably not going to be in my life and I'm ok with it. It's alot better than having constant drama.
And I finally "opened up my eyes"... 2yrs ago but It took me 5yrs to leave (due to financial circumstances) and have had 0% contact with him since June 17th of this year! I am homeless but I'd rather live on the streets than put up with anymore of that b.s., I seriously would have checked out had I not left!
Best info ever - Yes it IS malicious intent, why do they do it to their small children? When we leave for safety they chase innocent family down to destroy them!!
🎯🎯
It is extremely rare that someone who calls themselves a narc will actually take responsibility for themselves the way you are doing. I have known quite a few it none, not a single one, would ever accept that they had a problem much less go to counseling for it.
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Thank you so much for naming a whole concept, dog-whistling. I wanted and needed a term for this. Unbelievable, and well explained!
You are a good dude. I cannot tell you how many things you hit on in this video that are a part of my life. It’s like you are following me. I feel relieved and like I’m not crazy after all. Thank you.
I been wondering why I just kept going back to the narcissist I had, I wasted 16yrs of my life, but I just realized why I kept going back some months ago, but I’m so glad I found u on here Lee, u give me a better understanding of this thing, I been watching a lot of different videos on here about narcissist, but u give a better and clearer understanding, the trauma bond is real, I been trauma bond along time, but I’m working on getting up out of that thing. Thank u 🙏 for the video, much help. Stay blessed 🙏❤️🙏❤️
Stay strong
Can relate to everything you've made us aware of in this video. No compliments, dog whistling, all of it.I still keep contact with his fam bc I still consider them my fam. Took a few " go backs" but I finally woke up and left the marriage. We still check in on each other bc I still care about him, pray for him. I've got my power back. God has been my strength, my glory and the lifter of my head. I'm an overcomer and am prospering in spite of.
This is brilliant, thank you. When he sensed I'd had enough and was about to leave he really upped his game. Running me baths, DIY jobs around the house, bought me roses, said he would move in. He'd had years to do it, to commit and treat me well. Now I know he just didn't want to.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Has anyone ever felt like they’ve turned into their narc ex? After our relationship ended I now feel so angry at the world and I am no longer the kind & compassionate person I was before meeting him. I tried dating and completely hurt a really nice guy 💔 It’s like I became my ex and I put the nice guy in the position I was in. I never wanted to hurt him and even told him he deserved someone better. It’s like I knew we’d never work, but kept him around and I don’t know whyyyy??? I just want to know if this is a common outcome after you leave the narc and how to go back to the person I once was????
Yes!!!! I sometimes feel like I may be turnt into one snd it's hard when u notice it after its too late because u become so upset at yourself
Yes, I have had that too. It takes a lot of awareness to get out it again. You can though. But you'll never be naive anymore.
you either jump into dating too soon or didn't heal yourself from the trauma. we are empath and they could be one if they wasn't traumatized which is their goal to do with us. take some time to heal and also make note of the red flags of the narcissist so you don't become those red flags !
@@Picca65 never be naive AGAIN ! perf wording because I've learned to establish boundaries and not be so quick to "help or heal" them
Yes that can happen but don't let it bc you still have to live and if that doesn't speak to your emp heart then maybe thinking about being stuck and letting him ruin your future while he's moved on and starting over and he's happy you're bitter and miserable speak to your narc trait heart. He will be happy that he forever broke you. Don't let that happen. The best thing is to be happy but at the very least get revenge by showing up powerful, sexy and youthful and still loving.
Thank you for offering the tools for healing, and being brave enough to do so.
Your videos are the best Lee! I'm grateful to you for sharing your self awareness with everyone, I'm grateful that you are in therapy trying to help yourself and work on your marriage! You sure found a good lady if she's willing to work with you! Thank you for instilling in us that you don't respond to anything that does not have consequences. Thank you for explaining why you are unable to apologize and why you mistreat the closest person to you! The main reason I love your videos is because you are down-to-earth you are real you tell it like it is with a twist of humor of humor, that's the best! I've never dozed off watching one of your videos!!😃🙂💢💥
Thank you for your videos. I'm still learning all the depths of this, and your videos help a lot. It reveals past and present situations of family, friends, etc on different degrees of this and shows what to watch out for, and to keep myself in check.
Prayers for healing of everyone on both sides of it and to stop the cycle.
Thank you for doing these videos. I think it's awesome. Ive been in a relationship with a narc for 3 1/2 yrs, and channels like yours have really helped me to not go crazy. Keep up the good work. Love and light to you
You're amazing! I just started watching your videos and you are telling my story. Thank you for informing people about this condition. People don't understand unless they've been there. Keep doing what your doing. Thank you
That is one thimgs i couldnt couldn't work out the
my ex narcissit treating other people better it really messes with your mind.
It does suck
Like other women? It won't last long, I call it the Romeo stage, eventually he will show his colors
Lee, your presentations are effortless and ring the bell of authenticity, breaking out through the clouds of confusion with such clarity, determination and passion. Your honest and no nonsense approach is concise, refreshing, educational and healing. You have a real talent for story telling and acting out the scenarios, the way you portray the different characters involved in these examples demonstrates a gift for acting, I can imagine you starring in a film. You would smash it in Hollywood!! You have a true talent. I love the way you hit the nail straight on the head and combine humour with your willingness to address the most difficult issues, with a rare gift for being able to represent both sides.
You are a great advocate to encourage people into therapy. I appreciate that you have endorsed that through therapy you're life has improved, without which you would have lost everything. Congratulations on that as you so richly deserve.
I felt the blow when you said on a previous video, that your therapist had warned you that for someone with NPD to embark on the process of increased self awareness comes with a warning that there is a potential for that self awareness to progress NPD towards sociopathy. Your honest reaction to this of like "What!, I thought I was here to get better and your now telling me this...." is completely understandable and I agree it sounds like a, not sure how to put it... but definitely an unwanted "twist" in the tale.
Please could you say more about this, what your therapist advises and how you are coming to terms with that information? Especially as you are gaining more internet presence.
Regarding my initial comments about an acting career, I'm wondering if this sort of thing , or anything generally well known for "feeding the ego", like fame for example could be the catalyst which ignites an unwanted trend towards a worse problem, especially as your social media presence is now growing and becoming hugely successful and popular, as you have grown such a large following.
Is this a concern and do you think it could be counter productive to your healing process, the bigger and more "famous" you become?
Have you considered a time of retreat from the public eye in the future or does the audience type of attention you are receiving have the potential or indeed pose the threat of being an "addictive" and destructive source of supply, as is clearly demonstrated by many celebrities, pop stars, film stars, big sports people etc.
I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts on this and also what your therapist has said to help you to navigate the path of internet stardom alongside (or vs) the path of healing.
Do you think there is a potential for true healing from this condition or is the purpose of therapy more about assisting with management in order to be able to have a happier life?
It would be great if you could do a video on the real benefits of your therapy to yourself and if indeed talk about if you are now having a happier and more fulfilled life, especially with regards to interpersonal relationships?
I feel disappointed/ devastated also to learn from what you shared about this warning from the therapist; that increased self awareness for someone with NPD could progress towards sociopathy. Lord have mercy and protect your mind, body, spirit from this. It is a mind blowing concept to suggest that therapy could then be counter productive to healing in this sort of situation.
The recent case of Britney highlights the downside of fame and demonstrates how destructive it I can be to mental health, with the paparazzi being legally allowed to perpetrate mob aggravation on its targeted celeb. I hope you will guard yourself against this and I wonder how you cope with it, now you are becoming very well known? Have you thought about removing yourself from the public eye in the future or going on a healing retreat? Do you meditate , do yoga or breath work, all of which facilitate the drawing in of "prana", energetic supply from the Universe and is a way for all people to be able to free themselves from the need to draw supply from other humans? The book "The Celestine Prophesy" talks about this but through the practise of daily connecting with a above all, the practise of appreciation of nature and of any person who is putting a "control drama" on you. Most deep and insightful. I wonder if your therapist has recommended any mindfulness/spiritual prractise like this? I wonder if you have any interest in Buddhism, which teaches non attachment at its core. I'm wondering if the audience attention from being "famous" could be or become addictive and potentially destructive. How do you plan to navigate this and what does your therapist advise?
Do you have any hobbies that connect you with nature, for example walking, gardening, camping or spending time in the forest.....etc which could provide a powerful antidote to all of the above concerns? Wishing you all the very best on your journey with many thanks for the wonderful work you do. God bless you always..
God bless you as well. Thank you for this
Preach Lee! Love your passion and taking what you have and using it to help others! Great video
I appreciate that!
Thank you, you’re really making a difference in so many people’s lives….well at least mine. I finally understand, it wasn’t me
Haley this is my first time coming across one of your videos I just wanted to thank you I spent 15 years with my son's dad we are not together anymore which is a great thing but sometimes I will let my son go over there and last time I went over there he was completely and utterly rude to me in front of the people that my son was around now I'm a good sweet person and I was trying to make a good impression to these people so we could all hang out for a second while I was picking up my son and he completely embarrassed me in front of them on purpose to try to make himself look a certain way so I just immediately walked out and told him I was going for a drive while he got my son ready but I wanted you to know that I honestly really needed to see this in order to stop having my feelings hurt about that. I stopped letting him hurt my feelings a long time ago but he never fails to surprise me when it comes to other people around. So I appreciate this a lot thank you
Lee, this video was very brave. Thank you for your candor and advice.
You are so welcome
Yes this is so accurate!! Last night my ex literally admitted that he knew everything(he literally LISTED OFF everything) I wanted and expected out of him during the relationship but he was purposely not giving it to me because he was “only thinking about himself”. Which aligns perfectly with what Lee says. they know EXACTLY what you want/need and will purposely withhold that from you.
You're changing me man.... I'm grateful.
Truer words have not been spoken! Love this guy!
From finding your tiktok when you first started I have learned so much and opened my eyes. I actually followed your comedy page and then you mentioned your other page!!! I’m glad to have found you and a few others!!! I’m definitely bread crumbed a lot but the last 4-5 years I wasn’t giving in as much and now I don’t give in at all.
When he told me “I’m the only one that can hurt you “ I knew then it was time to discard! We had been HS sweethearts... it was very hard the last 10 yrs was an emotional entanglement
stay strong on your journey
Only narcs 'discard'. The rest of leave. Discarding and leaving are not the same things.
I thank you so much. I'm in my fifties never knew anything about this personally disorder. Keep doing what you do..
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In the last days... knowledge shall increase remember... thank you for letting 🙏 God use you...to guide people back to family 👪
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Lee 😂 I RESPECT you and your approach to "Stigma Busting". What's more? I respect anyone who can be honest with themselves in front of the entire World without fear, and make comically make light of it all. That in itself is true POWER, true STRENGTH, real COURAGE. Thank you for being the example, sir. BRAVO 👏👏👏 🎖️🎖️🎖️🎉🎉🎉💐💐💐
Dog whistling is a term I definitely needed to learn about. I didn’t know this is what it’s called. It’s crazy making because I’ll start doubting myself or wondering if I’m reading into his subtle comments and innuendos… sometimes all he has to do is look at me a certain way regarding certain topics and I feel like he’s making a back handed comment or referring to a mistake or insecurity I have. It’s hard because these moments are hard to try to describe to anyone else because they won’t understand why it was hurtful what he said …
It took me a long time to figure out how to handle this and a few other in-public tactics my ex-husband would use. The best way for me to handle it was to be okay with looking upset if I turned the situation into a business-like confrontation. I would not ask him what he meant-- I'd just say why are you bringing this up now in front of these people or who told you that or I thought you'd agreed to stop lying/exaggerating about this, etc. I ALWAYS just stopped the conversation and confronted him in front of everyone like I was his boss reprimanding him. Now that we're years into being divorced but have to do the custody hell thing, I do the same thing as much as I'm legally allowed as he is the same stupid little time-wasting troll he's always been. They DEFINITELY do this to try and make you look unhinged, but if you can own the moment, you can let people see that he's purposefully upsetting you. (Be prepared for him to be pissed but confused. My ex would try to push me out of the conversation... and I'd just make sure he either answered in front of everyone or left!)
knowledge is power and meditation is great for stepping into your own, most healing
It's hard for me to even be in his presence. We have 17 yr old son that he turns against me and keeps away from me. Just looking into the eyes and hearing the voice that nearly caused me to commit suicide brings back such pain anguish and unbelievable FEAR..
@@christiesmith2049 Hi Christie I hit the like button because I like that you have reached out and openly shared the torment you have and still are enduring, not because I like the situation you've described. I'm saluting your courage in not keeping this bottled up inside. I hope you have a good psychotherapist of healer that you are currently getting help from as what you have described is unacceptable for anyone to have to endure alone. I hope you are doing some sort of "body work", exercise, stretching, yoga, tai chi, pilates or just walking in nature as this WILL shift the energy of anguish out of your body with the breath so that you are not carrying around a cumulative effect in your "pain body" Eckhart Tolle talks about the pain body that we all possess. Emotion breaks down to "energy in motion" and when it become stuck then you have a ticking time bomb. Please keep your energy flowing and your mind focussed on the outcome you prefer, (especially with regards to your son . I'm referring to the work of Abraham Hicks with regards to conscious manifestation. While ever we put our attention on the problem , then it attracts (through the Law of Attraction) more of its same kind to it. It is recommended that you focus on the problem for 17 seconds ONLY and then "pivot" the situation by asking yourself this question: What do I prefer? and then immerse yourself in your creative imagination to see, feel, smell taste and touch your preferred outcome. It is the start to realising you can influence your own reality rather than staying stuck in horrible situation projected onto you by an ill person, or any other person. Step into your Higher self consciousness and consider using an affirmation 3 times a day or more, it is a powerful statement of intent, eg "I Cast this burden upon the Christ within(the Divine Self/ Higher Self/Buddha Self, - whatever you are drawn to which represents the Divine ) . I freely forgive, I loose and Let go, I cast all unforgiveness upon the Christ within, I am free and you are free." and then take 3 deep breaths and exhale all attachments to this situation. Understand that this is a soul lesson that you have come to transcend and affirm and Know that "All is Well in my world, All is well." May God bless you and yours and I am praying for your restored happiness, dear one. Namaste in the Love and the Light of the One Pure Creator.
@@stargazer5080 thank you so much💜💜
@Mental Healness your videos are on point. I am diagnosed with PTSD and never understood why my wife was so cold realizing she has a Narcissistic Personality. Thank you for all you do
Thank you so much for speaking the truth. You are honest and funny. And you do have a great point in every of your videos. My ex husband is a narcissist and when I need to know something I listen to your videos. I didn’t know what narcissist was until he 2-1/2 years ago left me for another woman and I found out that he was diagnosed narcissist, so I researched about it and your videos helped a lot. So thank you . Ps I was married to him for 33 and half years and then one day without a word he just left, he still is with her and im still married to him, but I don’t think I love him anymore. God willing will see what happens, I only trust God now nobody else.
That dog!!! It was the story of my life. Untill I came across your videos. Thank you so much for helping me understand, heal and go on with my life!!
True! My ex Narc wouldn't pay me a compliment until I left... He'd be like, "You look cute!" I'd respond with, "I look the same!" We have 3 sons & it started when my oldest was a baby... He would come over & not acknowledge me & love on the baby & when I tell him he says, "You're jealous of a baby?!"
Holy damn, I needed this channel. Hearing this from a self aware narcissist is next level cuz if you can my narcissist can, and JUST ISNT (yet or ever). THANK YOU!!
I have been looking up stuff on narcissists for days now. It’s comforting to hear from someone who actually is inside the mind of the person of the disorder. I’ve been going through a ring of emotions since I stopped contacting my narcissist and it wasn’t until I started researching that I realized that I have so many people around me who mah be suffering from this disorder . I have borderline personality disorder , this tends to make my brain go in circles with racing thoughts. Ever since me and my narcissistic ex partner seperated I’ve been going through a circle of doubt and emotions thinking what I was feeling was crazy. Lee thank you so much for sharing your story and educating us. Also congrats on your self journey , I know it probably wasn’t easy. ❤️
I didn't know I was being trauma bombed until last month when I listened to u. I ran back for 3 years and didn't know why. Thanks for your help
Thank you so much. For being a help to people who are victims to this abuse. We appreciate you
Thank you
YOU AINT NEVER LIED! OMG
That’s my mom 100%. She never has anything proactive or positive to say. She only speaks when she wants to complain. My mom is the kind of mother that will tear the entire house apart because no one did the dishes…….but she’ll never just ask you to do the dishes. 🙄
No….I do not live with my mother anymore. It’s been years. Thank God.
That’s extremely sad 😞
Mine complains and talks about everybody she’s miserable.. she’s been cheated on her husband for 34 yrs with the same man, she goes back and forth.. all she wants is their money.
You are doing great works! I’ve learned so much. Taking your testimony and helping others as GOD would want us to do. 👏👏👏
Thank you so much Lee , I get it now and feel great. I know I have a way to go but boy I feel empowered. You are awesome.
Nga mihi aroha Lee .
The part of walking past and hugging the dog..my everyday experience, then he spends 2 hrs on the phone in the bathroom knowing I have fam dinner cooked and then tells me I act awkward 😐
Oh I had forgotten that about my Nex. He was always loving on that dog. It used to infuriate me seeing he was capable of affection but completely unwilling to show any to the humans in the house.
Very true. They put on a show for everyone else.
Again I´m so grateful I found your clips here because you explain so damn well and make the whole thing clear. You talked about something here that the Narc exactly knows what makes his/her Friend/Partner happy but just doesn´t do it. That is true and it´s wicked. Did a Narc know he/she kills all feelings and destroys a connection until nothing is left? What is the benefit out of that? You lose one by one and always need to walk in the same Circle - Love-bombing, devaluing, discard on and on. And if someone can stand all the badass behavior is that fulfilling?
Wow,this is so true with the two narcs in my life:My sister and a long term "friend". This explains a lot.
I appreciate your videos so much. It’s crazy how your examples are identical to so many of our own from family to romantic partners. I still love mine but I’m choosing to love me more now. Thank you 👑✨
i hear that a lot nowadays lol
Omggg you’re so right! I’ve never gotten a compliment from my narcissistic ex. I’d ask him how I look and he’d say “you look aight”. I’d send him pictures to get his opinion on a certain outfit just to get no response. My goodness that drove me crazy. He never hesitated to compliment females on social media though
Thank you wholeheartedly for your videos. You’ve helped me make sense of the illogical chaos. 🤕
Lee! Lol this video here is hilarious I can’t wait to watch every video from beginning to NOW Thank you for setting this Empath free with the help of the Lord bringing me here to you and other TH-camrs God brought me here first and you just broke it all down for me 4 years after my abuse, I’ve been a subscriber for years but I guess I wasn’t listening as well as I am now, some of your viewers are at all stages of this thang, and I pray that their ears be open to hear the TRUTH it’ll set you free and save your life 6 years in 4 years out!!! Getting the journal now Proud of you man I know the start wasn’t easy, you remind me of my child’s father so much can’t wait to speak to you ! God bless you always Never Stop going to therapy🎉 I’m going too❤