You're right. That's why the hubby stayed, free money, still doesn't really resolve the root of the money issue - it's just letting someone else take care of the matter.
I’m young but throughout my life, whenever I’ve witnessed these “do this and then I’ll give you my home” scenarios between family members, they NEVER go as planned.
@@texasrodeogirl3814 And her being only 23 does not help at all. I know I am much more outspoken now than when I was her age, so I get that she feels intimidated. But she does need to learn at a young age to stand up because of the situation that she is in so that she can have a great life. I'm sure that her kids are not too happy listening to all of that yelling and she needs to protect her kids from that by standing up and saying that this is not going to continue.
She skipped over a bunch of details to make this not her fault. Connect the dots and she’s mad her husband won’t go into debt for a contractor, she skipped over a bunch of stuff about what exactly this deal they made was, etc. Lots of dishonesty on this call.
The caller isn't going to do anything Dave suggests. You can hear it in her voice. Her mother-in-law is currently paying for everything. She and her husband make $48K/year for a family of 4 and they both know what it will mean to go rent an apartment and pay for everything themselves and they're going to tolerate the situation until something breaks.
She can't do anything if the husband wants to stay with his mommy. Even if she had the courage to leave, she isn't working and has two small children. She needs to get a job, and start saving for an apartment and daycare.
this story hits a raw nerve in my back . This exact thing happened to me and my lady . Me 31 , she 24 . I asked my mother to "help " us buy a house . My mother picked out this house and when I seen it , I hated it . We moved in then one year after moved out after my college was finished . I got a job and bought a house I liked . I am still with that girl and still in the house I picked out . DAVE Ramsey nailed this one straight between the eyes . by the way , my mother never talked to me for 30 years . She got really sick and three days before she died , I went to visit her for like five minutes . Go buy a spine young man if you wanna keep this young lady . I coming back on here to see any one who leaves a follow-up to my story
There’s no way I’d put up with that controlling, toxic situation. I married a violent mama’s boy and got myself and my young kids out after 6 years. They never change.
He clearly said she can get a job and they do what they have to do to make it work. People can work from home nowadays so it's possible to work and watch her children. At the most another month or two and they'll be outta there.
@@linhaton4957 how do you know the husband is willing to take care of the kids at night? if he has the time to do that, then maybe he needs to get a secone job working at night to boost up family income. He's clearly comfortable working a mediocre job during day time and enjoy $$ support from mommy
It is called narcissist personality disorder. It is not a mental illness, but a psychological disorder. I highly suggest watching Dr. Ramani youtube videos about how to spot and deal with others who might have this problem
I have a daughter-in-law who has not worked at a job longer than 89 days at time because at 90 days she could get fired she told me that she married my son for his money .I'm thinking he married her so it's not my deal.
my MIL offered to buy us a bed (an expensive one) and then tried to insist we get a soft mattress (I like a hard mattress). i compromised... I let my husband take the bed when we broke up 🤣
The problem with so many of these people is that they take money from their families and then their families rule their lives. He is 30 and she is 23 so it is time to grow up and make their own lives. As long as you take money from people, you pretty much have given them the right to get involved in your life and run your life. Those that give you money own you. Stop taking money from people and you will be fine.
Calls like these make me thank GOD that I am happily single with no dating anymore. All I saw in my parents marriage and my friends marriages makes me so thankful to be single. I had suitors but none were suitable to me. I refused to compromise to my suffering and detriment.
Reminds me of the time I advised my roommate’s fiancé NOT to help bankroll repairs to future mother-in-law’s house they were renting from her. She promised him a %tage of whatever profit she made off the sale back to him. I offered up a number of scenarios where he could get burned, & if he agreed, to get that promise in writing. Roommate & her mother were furious, but he stuck to his guns & said no.
The husband is the PROBLEM cause it’s his mother and he needs to set boundaries which he isn’t doing. This wife needs to find a job asap otherwise she’s going to have a miserable life.
He makes enough for his family to live. They just need to learn to handle their money and quit depending on handouts from extended family. He can work and she can take care of the kids full time and they can have a great life without someone bossing them around and telling them what to do. But that husband needs to go pick up that backbone at Walmart like Dave suggested and take his family and get the hell away from his mom.
I’m sure their financial issues has something to do with this. $4,000/month with a wife and two kids. Plus debt that they didn’t talk about. Rent alone is probably going to be $2k. There is more to the story than what’s going on. They backed themselves in a corner.
It seems like the mother ‘Needs to be needed’. And all those provisions come at the price of control. I’ve known this sort of scenario, and it can be hard to pass up on ‘free’ provisions but that’s what the son is gonna have to do. Otherwise they’ll be dealing with that their whole life
the husband is like this because he was raised this way, the mom planted the seed in his brain to never leave mommy's side even when he grew up already.
One thing I know for a fact I’ll never deal with is someone’s mother, let alone my own mother, yell at me, argue with me or talk to me with disrespect.
Me either. Thankfully my tongue can be very acidic and she'll rush to the hospital with high blood pressure fast. Remember the pain, do no more, and hit the road sistah!
Her husband needs to speak up to his mom but he doesn’t want to hire a contractor because he’s going to be a contractor soon- I’ve build 2 houses & 3 body shops & Ive been the contractor- I don’t have no certificate/ degree. The son needs to grow a backbone!
I wish they had asked more follow-up questions about the fact that they live with the grandmother, and the mother-in-law lives with them while having her own separate home but is "not going home." I think the advice was correct either way; I'm just curious.
Dave is right. I've had a similar situation like the caller. My own mother was very abusive to my wife because my wife is Jewish. Move out asap to gain their independence and save their marriage too. The mother-in-law will eventually stepping over caller's boundaries.
So, at about 2:30, she, her husband and kids, AND her mother-in-law are living with her grandmother-in-law? A three generation household? The mother-in-law has her own house, but moved in with them. She said that she expected her mother-in-law to go back to her own home, but she hasn't, so far. This will never work unless her husband gets on board with the plan.
The husband, wife and children should move to the MIL's house then. When the MIL moves back, then they could move to their house and change the locks. 😂
Despise the free lunch. What is offered for free is dangerous. It usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit.
You are so right! When I was in my teens, I told myself that I'd not let narcissistic mother control me after a certain stage in life, come what may. I knew that her harping about me inheriting all her wealth was just a ploy to keep me under her thumb. Moved away, started my own life, and built things at my own pace. She has no control over me, much to her chagrin.
I’m convinced there are no men left in the world. I’m a 30 year old man. Been married for 8 years with 3 kids. I work with a 30 year old who said he needed to call off because he was notified that his Pokemon cards were delivered. 🤦♂️
I'm a woman who knows what that's like. She's young, 2 children, no job, and apparently a husband without the will to defy his mother. She might be afraid he would choose his mother over her ( the wife). Very vulnerable position for a young woman with children.
I remember my sister offering to “help me” by “lending” me the money for my house deposit. Years later my sister made my mother change her will to give all the money to her two years before she died. My mother obviously was complicit after years of my mothers grand gestures that she would help all her children fairly. I’m so glad I did not accept my sisters money as only recently I realised that there had been nothing benevolent in her offer.
Unfortunately nothing about this situation is going to change unless the husband decides to change. His wife doesn’t work and I’m sure he likes his mom paying for things. 4k/month, which I think she said he is making (rather recently) doesn’t go as far with a family of four if they are paying rent. Dave says for her to tell him she is leaving with the kids and he can come or stay… how is she leaning with no money/income? She isn’t going anywhere unless she decides to get a job
So the mother-in-law bought the house they were going to buy and now has them doing updates and repairs and will sell it to them for more than it cost originally because it’s now updated with their labor. You need to get out now. Actually you need to get out yesterday.
The ideal way to do it would be to negotiate the apartment, move out, and then have the conversation with mom. After the move, she dhould spend her days at the library (i.e., not at home) until mom respects the boundaries.
We got engaged. We found an apartment a month before the wedding: we moved out of our respective apartments and moved our stuff into the new apartment. I moved in and my husband moved with his parents. After the wedding we lived together. Our son was born the next year. The only issue was had with the inlaws (who are/were fabulous) was raising junior; when it came time to say something I claimed my territory and asked my husband to talk to his mom/parents. No further issues. 😀
Yeah lack of planning on their part. People want marriage,kids,home ownership, etc. all at the same time nowadays. No patience. Never doing the math or working on themselves beforehand.
hes pointing out the simple problem, but simple problems often require hard work to correct. but if they aren't willing to put that hard work in, then they deserve what they get. If you sit on your hands while you are getting screwed, you deserve to get screwed.
The husband may be responsible, but that doesn't mean it's not the mother's fault. These sorts of unhealthy relationships and ungodly soul ties are established in childhood and are very difficult to overcome in the mind. The husband needs prayer for deliverance.
I was 21 when I married my 32 year old mama’s boy. I was very naive about all the red flags waving right in front of my face. My husband was totally groomed from childhood to be his mother’s man of the house. His father was an abusive wife-beater and alcoholic. Realizing my situation, (no sex, no kids ever) I went to college and ultimately got a good job. Then I moved out and started my own life. Now he is an old, single, lonely man. I feel great sadness for him as in my eyes, he is a victim, too.
RUN as fast as you can! My father was a mama's boy who allowed his mother to make the major decisions in my parents marriage. Needless to say it destroyed the relationship.
It's a character thing....if the parents in law are easy going and don't interfere in your decision..... there's nothing wrong if you live with them together! Better then lots of broken families!!!
It's not the mother's house. At about 2:30, the caller states that she and her husband are living in his grandmother's house. The mother-in-law moved in, too, supposedly temporarily, and refuses to go back to her own house. So,there are three generations living in one house. And the mother-in-law bought a second house for them to fix up and then buy from her.
@@damondiehl5637 Doesn't matter. The Mom owns the house that they "plan" to purchase from her on a handshake while hubbie is dragging out the process and the Mom will do the same. She and hubbie are living off his grandma-Mom and his Mom probably grew up in that house that they are living. The caller acts as if the Mom is the intruder when it's more her house than the callers.
Ya... My mom tried similar sort of stuff with me. I took the apartment keys away, changed the locks, and stopped telling her stuff. I'm married now. We live 5.5 hours away and I only talk with her once a week, usually no longer than 15 mins. I'd like to have a closer relationship with her but she has no desire to learn boundaries and stop taking over so... minimal contact and info it is.
I'm from Charleston. It's ridiculously expensive. Move to John's Island, Moncks Corner or somewhere outside of Summerville. There are some deals there.
In an ideal world, caller has her own family who can help. Maybe she and the kids can move in with her parents (or other relatives) until husband gets on board with her. IF he chooses to stay with his mother, her marriage at an end. Her family's support is a possible 'out,' but if not, she needs to keep her distance from MIL and grand MIL, refuse to engage negatively with them, and convince her husband to choose a life on their own. If he won't agree to try, it's off to a shelter. What did caller think Dave could possibly suggest??
In the Charleston area, a room with shared bath is being advertised for $1500/mo! He needs to find a job in a less expensive area and move there. Two single teachers living together cannot afford a two-bedroom apartment.
My mother in law would come visit, then not go back to her home for a while.... Not healthy on the marriage! Setting boundaries would set her off and she would storm out and try to make us feel bad.... Took a while, but we have a healthy relationship with her now!
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Either shut up and stay because mom pays for everything or get out and get a job. And be free of feeling obligated.
Boundaries. Husband needs a backbone. You need to take care of you and your kids. Move out and grow a backbone too. Get a job, put your kids in childcare if you need to.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have even married him knowing his mother was like this. She would have spoiled the whole deal for me. You married her too since her son is a momma’s boy. Barf.
Which means he likely married her at 18 or 19. 20 at the latest. He married her so young because he knows she'd be compliant and go along with whatever he says.
It happened to me. We lived with my husband's parents because he was making little money, and he was okey to live with them. First, I started to tell my husband how happy I would be if we moved out (for 2-3 weeks every day). Then, I was telling him that I WANT to be happy. Also every day. Then, that I WANT TO MOVE OUT every day he came from work and I served him a dinner. If he has a controlling mother, it means, that the wife can control him too. We moved out to a $500 disgusting appartment, but I was so happy! Lived there for a year and then we moved to a better apartment. Then my husband started to work harder and now we live in a house.
My grandfather's contention was that newly married couples should move 500 miles from family so that they learn to depend on each other and not on family, not run home to mom.
What Dave doesn’t understand is this woman makes and has no money. She exaggerated how much money her husband makes and he doesn’t mind staying with his family. She can walk out but she has no job and no money.
If the only things keeping them tied to the mom are financial in nature, and the wife doesn't like it and wants it to be different, maybe she should get a job and then have her own strings she can pull. Probably a lot more effective then complaining from the couch all day.
From the couch? Yeah, you probably think housewives don't work at all, right? They have two kids, did you miss that part? Husband needs to get a backbone. If not, she should leave and take half of what he has.
It's very hard to establish bounderies when you are taking someone's money. I bet MIL feels that she is doing everything she can to help this hapless couple and they are being ungrateful.
Young girls marry older guys all the time because they think they are going to get taken care of the rest of their lives and just do mom/wife stuff. That only works if you pick the right guy.
There are worse things than being broke and being under the thumb of another woman is one of those things. Being married to a man like her husband is another one of those things.
This is going to be bad for her.... She has no leverage and no money. She is trapped unless she is able to to convince him they need to get out (which he doesn't want to) or she is getting out.
On the flip side, the MIL may be releieved to hear that they want to do everything themselves. She's been buying everything for them, thinking they could use the help, and they never told her to stop it. I doubt that's the scenario, but it's possible, lol.
I’ve learned that the “free ride” comes with a price. It’s called control.
You're right. That's why the hubby stayed, free money, still doesn't really resolve the root of the money issue - it's just letting someone else take care of the matter.
Absolutely ridiculous!!!
I’m young but throughout my life, whenever I’ve witnessed these “do this and then I’ll give you my home” scenarios between family members, they NEVER go as planned.
If it's not on paper, it's not a deal.
Right…. 😅
I like how they told her what to do and she keeps saying she doesn’t know what to do . This situation isn’t going to be solved . Wish them luck
Because she is immature and scared of both the husband’s and the in law’s reaction. She has no power and she knows it.
@@texasrodeogirl3814 And her being only 23 does not help at all. I know I am much more outspoken now than when I was her age, so I get that she feels intimidated. But she does need to learn at a young age to stand up because of the situation that she is in so that she can have a great life. I'm sure that her kids are not too happy listening to all of that yelling and she needs to protect her kids from that by standing up and saying that this is not going to continue.
She skipped over a bunch of details to make this not her fault. Connect the dots and she’s mad her husband won’t go into debt for a contractor, she skipped over a bunch of stuff about what exactly this deal they made was, etc. Lots of dishonesty on this call.
Because she knows her husband better than these 2 goobers do. Baby boy isnt going to leave mommy and shes going to have to get a divorce
The caller isn't going to do anything Dave suggests. You can hear it in her voice. Her mother-in-law is currently paying for everything. She and her husband make $48K/year for a family of 4 and they both know what it will mean to go rent an apartment and pay for everything themselves and they're going to tolerate the situation until something breaks.
This is exactly right. She and her husband both want the money. And she and her husband are not on the same page at all.
Also sounds like she isn’t working and was planning on just surviving on that 48k a year.
I think she was waiting for Dave to start blaming the mother-in-law and he didn't. He called it like it is.
She can't do anything if the husband wants to stay with his mommy. Even if she had the courage to leave, she isn't working and has two small children. She needs to get a job, and start saving for an apartment and daycare.
In Charleston, SC you can't survive on 48K/yr for a family of 4. I live here. It is ridiculously expensive.
this story hits a raw nerve in my back . This exact thing happened to me and my lady . Me 31 , she 24 . I asked my mother to "help " us buy a house . My mother picked out this house and when I seen it , I hated it . We moved in then one year after moved out after my college was finished . I got a job and bought a house I liked . I am still with that girl and still in the house I picked out . DAVE Ramsey nailed this one straight between the eyes . by the way , my mother never talked to me for 30 years . She got really sick and three days before she died , I went to visit her for like five minutes . Go buy a spine young man if you wanna keep this young lady . I coming back on here to see any one who leaves a follow-up to my story
You don't come off nearly as good in this story as you think you do.
They aren’t going anywhere....she’s paying all their bills...
LOL I freaking love dave so much. Straight to the point, no BS and calls her out on her bitching about a situation she put herself in.
5:18 George trying not to smile and laugh while Dave goes off.👌😂
He didn't expect that. Dave usually avoids cursing lol
@@oceansky6207 lol, I was shocked to hear that
There’s no way I’d put up with that controlling, toxic situation. I married a violent mama’s boy and got myself and my young kids out after 6 years. They never change.
"Any boundary you try to set immediately devolves to yelling."
"MOVE OUT!!!" LOL
moving out with what? This lady has no money 😢 $4000 a month renting and having 2 kids is very tough.
She needs to work nights if he’s working days.
She exaggerated on the $4k too. They’re barely getting by living with his family.
That's what I said... it's all on the husband 😢... she wants to know how to talk to the mom,that's the question...
He clearly said she can get a job and they do what they have to do to make it work. People can work from home nowadays so it's possible to work and watch her children. At the most another month or two and they'll be outta there.
@@linhaton4957 how do you know the husband is willing to take care of the kids at night? if he has the time to do that, then maybe he needs to get a secone job working at night to boost up family income. He's clearly comfortable working a mediocre job during day time and enjoy $$ support from mommy
I have a mother in law similar to this. She’s the kindest women but tries to steer us in her direction. We went our own way.
It is called narcissist personality disorder. It is not a mental illness, but a psychological disorder. I highly suggest watching Dr. Ramani youtube videos about how to spot and deal with others who might have this problem
I have a daughter-in-law who has not worked at a job longer than 89 days at time because at 90 days she could get fired she told me that she married my son for his money .I'm thinking he married her so it's not my deal.
my MIL offered to buy us a bed (an expensive one) and then tried to insist we get a soft mattress (I like a hard mattress). i compromised... I let my husband take the bed when we broke up 🤣
@@SusanMurphy-xn5hl You broke up with your husband? Sounds like you had a boyfriend. Who breaks up with their husband?
Yeah, women and their controlling ways are ridiculous
Problem is they took the money from her and expected no strings attached. The mom clearly had other ideas
The problem with so many of these people is that they take money from their families and then their families rule their lives. He is 30 and she is 23 so it is time to grow up and make their own lives. As long as you take money from people, you pretty much have given them the right to get involved in your life and run your life. Those that give you money own you. Stop taking money from people and you will be fine.
In this economy a lot of people need whatever help they can get.
Absolutely! Made this $20k mistake. Never again. I’ll be homeless bridge troll before I ever borrow money again.
Yeh
"She has 3 sons and she does it to all of them". Wrong. HE needs to set a boundary. PERIOD. Dave is spot on.
Boy is married to his controlling freak of a devouring mother.
Mom-in-law is not doing anything. This couple is letting it be done to them.
Very true. If the other 2 sons have a back bone, then their mom is not doing it to them.
Calls like these make me thank God for blessing me with such an amazing MIL.
Calls like these make me thank GOD that I am happily single with no dating anymore. All I saw in my parents marriage and my friends marriages makes me so thankful to be single. I had suitors but none were suitable to me. I refused to compromise to my suffering and detriment.
3:57 - “any boundary discussed immediately devolves into yelling…”
“MOVE OUT!!”
Reminds me of the time I advised my roommate’s fiancé NOT to help bankroll repairs to future mother-in-law’s house they were renting from her. She promised him a %tage of whatever profit she made off the sale back to him. I offered up a number of scenarios where he could get burned, & if he agreed, to get that promise in writing. Roommate & her mother were furious, but he stuck to his guns & said no.
You were right. But it sounds like you would have done well to stay out of it.
You can’t get mad at people for overstepping boundaries if you didn’t put them up or honor them to begin with.
Lol “they’re at Walmart right next to the backbone aisle” gotta love Dave
Dave is a savage!! I love it
no he isnt. its just the truth.
The husband is the PROBLEM cause it’s his mother and he needs to set boundaries which he isn’t doing. This wife needs to find a job asap otherwise she’s going to have a miserable life.
They have 2 young kids. It’s better to have mom home and cheaper
No she is better off staying home and raising her kids… if she gets a job, most of the money will go to pay for child care anyway.
@@mikezerker6925false
He makes enough for his family to live. They just need to learn to handle their money and quit depending on handouts from extended family. He can work and she can take care of the kids full time and they can have a great life without someone bossing them around and telling them what to do. But that husband needs to go pick up that backbone at Walmart like Dave suggested and take his family and get the hell away from his mom.
@@alqoshgirlnot smart, she needs to get a life rather than depend on the moms money
I’m sure their financial issues has something to do with this. $4,000/month with a wife and two kids. Plus debt that they didn’t talk about. Rent alone is probably going to be $2k. There is more to the story than what’s going on. They backed themselves in a corner.
Thank you. The first intelligent comment. They really need to ask more questions on the show to get the full picture.
They still need to figure it out on their own and not rely on family to help.
Plus they didn't mention cost of living in Charleston is insane. But 2K a month for rent is about right.
It seems like the mother ‘Needs to be needed’. And all those provisions come at the price of control. I’ve known this sort of scenario, and it can be hard to pass up on ‘free’ provisions but that’s what the son is gonna have to do. Otherwise they’ll be dealing with that their whole life
I really like this video. It just spells how simple the truth can be, even when we don't see it before our eyes. I am the problem. Love it.
I know the Bible is not much appreciated today but it instructs a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Sorry mom and dad.
Agree 100%. That marriage was wrong from the start. She married him knowing all this.
the husband is like this because he was raised this way, the mom planted the seed in his brain to never leave mommy's side even when he grew up already.
One thing I know for a fact I’ll never deal with is someone’s mother, let alone my own mother, yell at me, argue with me or talk to me with disrespect.
Me either. Thankfully my tongue can be very acidic and she'll rush to the hospital with high blood pressure fast. Remember the pain, do no more, and hit the road sistah!
@@sblijheid exactly😂
He’s trying to be the man of the house all the while his mom is controlling it. Smart 🤦♀️
Her husband needs to speak up to his mom but he doesn’t want to hire a contractor because he’s going to be a contractor soon- I’ve build 2 houses & 3 body shops & Ive been the contractor- I don’t have no certificate/ degree. The son needs to grow a backbone!
It depends on the state. Some states require a lot of licenses and some require none. Some states require a license to replace a toilet.
I wish they had asked more follow-up questions about the fact that they live with the grandmother, and the mother-in-law lives with them while having her own separate home but is "not going home." I think the advice was correct either way; I'm just curious.
I agree they should move to an apt then save for a house for their own family❤
Dave: "Don't put up with people yelling, c'mon!"
Also Dave: "MOVE OUT!!!"
Dave is right. I've had a similar situation like the caller. My own mother was very abusive to my wife because my wife is Jewish. Move out asap to gain their independence and save their marriage too. The mother-in-law will eventually stepping over caller's boundaries.
So, at about 2:30, she, her husband and kids, AND her mother-in-law are living with her grandmother-in-law? A three generation household? The mother-in-law has her own house, but moved in with them. She said that she expected her mother-in-law to go back to her own home, but she hasn't, so far.
This will never work unless her husband gets on board with the plan.
The husband, wife and children should move to the MIL's house then. When the MIL moves back, then they could move to their house and change the locks. 😂
Despise the free lunch. What is offered for free is dangerous. It usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit.
Yeah good advice. What socks is when you are guilt tripped so much you just quit accepting anything
Beautifully put
Law 40 of 48. @@milakuzmanic3313
You are so right! When I was in my teens, I told myself that I'd not let narcissistic mother control me after a certain stage in life, come what may. I knew that her harping about me inheriting all her wealth was just a ploy to keep me under her thumb. Moved away, started my own life, and built things at my own pace. She has no control over me, much to her chagrin.
What’s offered for free isn’t dangerous lol
I’m convinced there are no men left in the world. I’m a 30 year old man. Been married for 8 years with 3 kids. I work with a 30 year old who said he needed to call off because he was notified that his Pokemon cards were delivered. 🤦♂️
Real men do exist. Look around😮!
"Go have a life!" Thank you Dave. This is not a relationship. Well said.
They should move far away
Lol! Dave's a beast and I love it. I hope Abigail follows the advice.
I feel bad for ppl who don’t know how to have a back bone.
💯
And no access to a WalMart.
Or a brain
@@tucoramirez9729easy to judge
All facts
This lady needs a strong community
She needs to grow a pair since her husband doesn’t have any.
The problem is if she's a stay-at-home mom and the husband makes the money how is she going to move out?she has to convince him to go
Exactly
I'm a woman who knows what that's like. She's young, 2 children, no job, and apparently a husband without the will to defy his mother. She might be afraid he would choose his mother over her ( the wife). Very vulnerable position for a young woman with children.
Or God forbid she's going to have to get a job 🙄
I remember my sister offering to “help me” by “lending” me the money for my house deposit. Years later my sister made my mother change her will to give all the money to her two years before she died. My mother obviously was complicit after years of my mothers grand gestures that she would help all her children fairly. I’m so glad I did not accept my sisters money as only recently I realised that there had been nothing benevolent in her offer.
I am sorry to heard that
I bought my brother an altima. It got wrecked & impounded. I never brought it up or the money. Everyone operates different.
Bless their heart.
Unfortunately nothing about this situation is going to change unless the husband decides to change. His wife doesn’t work and I’m sure he likes his mom paying for things. 4k/month, which I think she said he is making (rather recently) doesn’t go as far with a family of four if they are paying rent.
Dave says for her to tell him she is leaving with the kids and he can come or stay… how is she leaning with no money/income? She isn’t going anywhere unless she decides to get a job
needs to read that book "Boundaries"
So the mother-in-law bought the house they were going to buy and now has them doing updates and repairs and will sell it to them for more than it cost originally because it’s now updated with their labor. You need to get out now. Actually you need to get out yesterday.
I hope this couple gets an apartment lease signed with a departure plan, then have the conversation.
Good luck to this couple.
The ideal way to do it would be to negotiate the apartment, move out, and then have the conversation with mom. After the move, she dhould spend her days at the library (i.e., not at home) until mom respects the boundaries.
@@user-mv9tt4st9k I just want the couple to take action, pronto.
Apartments and kids do not mix. Get a second job if that's what it takes and get a house to raise those kids in.
@@christinebutler7630 what's wrong with an apartment to get started? 🤔
First: marriage
Second: safe place to live (you plan it before marrying)
Third: Children
Change the order = messy complications
We got engaged. We found an apartment a month before the wedding: we moved out of our respective apartments and moved our stuff into the new apartment. I moved in and my husband moved with his parents. After the wedding we lived together. Our son was born the next year. The only issue was had with the inlaws (who are/were fabulous) was raising junior; when it came time to say something I claimed my territory and asked my husband to talk to his mom/parents. No further issues. 😀
First mistake. 2 kids at 23, with a man child no less.
She has 3 kids really. One of them has an HVAC degree.
Yeah lack of planning on their part.
People want marriage,kids,home ownership, etc. all at the same time nowadays. No patience. Never doing the math or working on themselves beforehand.
First mistake was marrying the man child lol
@@blackworldtraveler3711
Exactly. 💯💯💯
Why create kids when you don't even have a home to live in? It doesn't make sense. Poor planning.
The MIL will behave if you limit access to her grandchildren. She do the same to you.
I've been blessed that i don't have anyone controlling of my parents or my in laws. But I've seen controlling ones and it's really rough to watch.
@5:15 Wow, Dave cussed. Think that is the first time hearing him cuss :0
While Dave’s point is accurate, he always makes things sound easier than they are.
He never says it is easy. He only says you have to behave as an adult, whatever it takes.
hes pointing out the simple problem, but simple problems often require hard work to correct. but if they aren't willing to put that hard work in, then they deserve what they get. If you sit on your hands while you are getting screwed, you deserve to get screwed.
The husband may be responsible, but that doesn't mean it's not the mother's fault. These sorts of unhealthy relationships and ungodly soul ties are established in childhood and are very difficult to overcome in the mind. The husband needs prayer for deliverance.
I was 21 when I married my 32 year old mama’s boy. I was very naive about all the red flags waving right in front of my face. My husband was totally groomed from childhood to be his mother’s man of the house. His father was an abusive wife-beater and alcoholic. Realizing my situation, (no sex, no kids ever) I went to college and ultimately got a good job. Then I moved out and started my own life. Now he is an old, single, lonely man. I feel great sadness for him as in my eyes, he is a victim, too.
Calling it out. We all needed to hear this. 💪😤👏
RUN as fast as you can! My father was a mama's boy who allowed his mother to make the major decisions in my parents marriage. Needless to say it destroyed the relationship.
"Because we're retarded" would have been a good answer to the first question 😂😂
Hey man, sometimes we just are. Sometimes we need help figuring out how to smarten up
It's a character thing....if the parents in law are easy going and don't interfere in your decision..... there's nothing wrong if you live with them together!
Better then lots of broken families!!!
I'M LEAVING -- I HOPE YOU COME WITH ME! love this advice...girl, go!
She doesn't work 😕 She has no money.
It's still her house. Of course she can control her place.
Yeah, they don't own it yet.
She bought it from underneath them to control them.
@@toddseales8222And, the hubbie son is cool with it. Momma ain't leaving. 😂
It's not the mother's house. At about 2:30, the caller states that she and her husband are living in his grandmother's house. The mother-in-law moved in, too, supposedly temporarily, and refuses to go back to her own house. So,there are three generations living in one house. And the mother-in-law bought a second house for them to fix up and then buy from her.
@@damondiehl5637 Doesn't matter. The Mom owns the house that they "plan" to purchase from her on a handshake while hubbie is dragging out the process and the Mom will do the same. She and hubbie are living off his grandma-Mom and his Mom probably grew up in that house that they are living. The caller acts as if the Mom is the intruder when it's more her house than the callers.
Ya... My mom tried similar sort of stuff with me. I took the apartment keys away, changed the locks, and stopped telling her stuff. I'm married now. We live 5.5 hours away and I only talk with her once a week, usually no longer than 15 mins. I'd like to have a closer relationship with her but she has no desire to learn boundaries and stop taking over so... minimal contact and info it is.
I'm from Charleston. It's ridiculously expensive. Move to John's Island, Moncks Corner or somewhere outside of Summerville. There are some deals there.
Friend of mine just did that. Can't get back to Florida now.
Dave got so upset but he ain’t lie they are bitching 😂😂😂
In an ideal world, caller has her own family who can help. Maybe she and the kids can move in with her parents (or other relatives) until husband gets on board with her. IF he chooses to stay with his mother, her marriage at an end. Her family's support is a possible 'out,' but if not, she needs to keep her distance from MIL and grand MIL, refuse to engage negatively with them, and convince her husband to choose a life on their own. If he won't agree to try, it's off to a shelter. What did caller think Dave could possibly suggest??
I like Dave has picked up some of Dr. John's lingo. 😂
In the Charleston area, a room with shared bath is being advertised for $1500/mo! He needs to find a job in a less expensive area and move there. Two single teachers living together cannot afford a two-bedroom apartment.
Everyone has heard horror stories of living with your in-laws, and so many people think they're the exception to the rule.
No exceptions!😅
My mother in law would come visit, then not go back to her home for a while.... Not healthy on the marriage! Setting boundaries would set her off and she would storm out and try to make us feel bad.... Took a while, but we have a healthy relationship with her now!
Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Either shut up and stay because mom pays for everything or get out and get a job. And be free of feeling obligated.
So the husband is older and him and his mom are treating her like a child.
Boundaries. Husband needs a backbone. You need to take care of you and your kids. Move out and grow a backbone too. Get a job, put your kids in childcare if you need to.
05:22 Dave's DUH 😅 priceless
When a man doesn't care about your peace it means he doesn't love you. Move, get a job and file.
First mistake 23 and can't take care of herself. Second mistake add 2 kids.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have even married him knowing his mother was like this. She would have spoiled the whole deal for me. You married her too since her son is a momma’s boy. Barf.
Some people are bulldozers, but you don't have to stand in front of the bulldozer.
Wow she's 23 married to a 30 year old and has two kids. She's so young.
Which means he likely married her at 18 or 19. 20 at the latest. He married her so young because he knows she'd be compliant and go along with whatever he says.
Easier to marry than plan out your own life.
It's alot of responsibility for a 23 year old
It happened to me. We lived with my husband's parents because he was making little money, and he was okey to live with them. First, I started to tell my husband how happy I would be if we moved out (for 2-3 weeks every day). Then, I was telling him that I WANT to be happy. Also every day. Then, that I WANT TO MOVE OUT every day he came from work and I served him a dinner. If he has a controlling mother, it means, that the wife can control him too. We moved out to a $500 disgusting appartment, but I was so happy! Lived there for a year and then we moved to a better apartment. Then my husband started to work harder and now we live in a house.
Moving across the country sounds like a great idea.
The healthy masculinity that flows from this show is soothing.
Hubby won't be on board. She won't push this. I hear it in her voice.
I luv it. "The backbone isle and the mirror isle."
Oooofffff I can relate to this. Going through it myself 😢
My grandfather's contention was that newly married couples should move 500 miles from family so that they learn to depend on each other and not on family, not run home to mom.
It's hard to detach from controlling parents.
"Get an apartment TODAY!". Tf, is it really that fast and easy???! O.o
@Contact_DaveRamsey_now go away scammer!
Grow up and get your own place.
What Dave doesn’t understand is this woman makes and has no money. She exaggerated how much money her husband makes and he doesn’t mind staying with his family. She can walk out but she has no job and no money.
If the only things keeping them tied to the mom are financial in nature, and the wife doesn't like it and wants it to be different, maybe she should get a job and then have her own strings she can pull. Probably a lot more effective then complaining from the couch all day.
From the couch? Yeah, you probably think housewives don't work at all, right? They have two kids, did you miss that part? Husband needs to get a backbone. If not, she should leave and take half of what he has.
It's very hard to establish bounderies when you are taking someone's money. I bet MIL feels that she is doing everything she can to help this hapless couple and they are being ungrateful.
Golden Rule: No one can tell you what to do in you’re own house.
Live by that and 90% of family problems disappear
Good point😮!
She married a broke mama’s boy and had two kids with him. So unless she wants to live and even broker life, she’s kind of just stuck there.
Young girls marry older guys all the time because they think they are going to get taken care of the rest of their lives and just do mom/wife stuff. That only works if you pick the right guy.
There are worse things than being broke and being under the thumb of another woman is one of those things. Being married to a man like her husband is another one of those things.
"Tell him to go to Walmart and buy a spine ..." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
She’s a smart 23 year old. Don’t be hard on her, she’s asking for help. Help her!
I love this advice😂😂😂
If you expect to be treated like adults you have to act like adults
I do not understand these calls. How does she not see a solution? If she didnt want her mils money she would never have this problem
Thx Dave
This is going to be bad for her.... She has no leverage and no money. She is trapped unless she is able to to convince him they need to get out (which he doesn't want to) or she is getting out.
On the flip side, the MIL may be releieved to hear that they want to do everything themselves. She's been buying everything for them, thinking they could use the help, and they never told her to stop it. I doubt that's the scenario, but it's possible, lol.