Sometimes it is better to be referred to as an old maid than marry a man who will wreak havoc in your life for the sake of marriage. Also it is better to be single than divorced.
Very true but when will marriage be valued again, it's a good thing that was ordained by God, it needs to be regarded very highly but this days it's not...
I am one of those who got married after 40. I had many instances where I would have gotten married but I said NO!.. God brought me the man of my dreams who loves me unconditionally, and treats me like a queen. I am so glad I waited as we are happily married, pray, cook, wash, travel together etc. Its unconditional love that I have been blessed with. I don't regret saying no to marriage in my younger age. Also we didn't engage in s*x before marriage!!
@Lee N. In this age and time, getting married 40+ is the right time. Because the Concern people already mature and know what they want in life . Before that, temptation and Confusion plays in.
Being an older child, I've ended up hating marriage because I've been a mediator in my parents marriage, I've been a parent to my siblings, I'm tired already before I even have my own family
Im jus before 40, i slay, beautiful and carefree.. i jus have not found my personal person.... There is no formula for these things... God makes all things beautiful in his time
@@miminiss5145 if everything in society had changed by us now this simple thing also has to be changed by we society k Society is nothing It's only we peopkes So we have to change these types foolishness of the past k
That's where I'm at right now in my mindset. I'm hating the idea of dating men right now. I just want to have a fabulous time traveling, partying, and making awesome friends.
@Traveling Diva2018 iam almost married 1 week later then all the sudden he cancelled the wedding because I was kidding about move back the wedding date. Iam so broken hearted thanks for ur testimony
You are going to meet a nice guy one day Even my aunt after she loose her husband she said she will never guessed what she's married again she's a widow
Some men are unpredictable one can chase a man,then a man gives in then later on that is after one ashaoleka plus with several kids from the man then later on such a man begins to despise ,cheating etc and when the lady who chased him happens to question him this is what she get “ after all I wasn’t interested with you in the 1st place wewe ndio ulinitongoza” then such a lady ends up accommodating all the mathash towards her from her hubby..these are things I have seen happening sisemi bure ni several wacha tuu.
Hehe it has nothing to do with that its about affection kama amekupenda amependa if you chase him he will be more flattered kama hakufeel even if you pull away its likely he wont follow you.
A smart lady would rather die single than end up with the wrong person.My step-sister is almost forty, she's independent, kind-hearted and very generous.I think she's single because she's not found someone worthy of her.
@@victoriamuthoni6923 everything has two sides like a coin. I haven't said such thing cant happen..... its another side.... but its less secure... as you are talking basing on your xperience, Im talking basing on the reality happening in high percentage, and thats my point.
Thank u , because men tend to suppress woman when they are the only provider in the home, get ur career together, get ur coins at the same time u looking for Mr right too.
Once you realize why most people marry you won’t feel you’re missing out. Most people are in and out of marriage or hanging on to someone for the sake of being married. It’s better to be single and at peace than attached to someone you don’t love.
Listen to what he said at 1:11. If you are single by choice it's okay. But if you are still searching, then maybe you might follow his tips to adjust the way you have been approaching things in order to make yourself more visible to potential suitors.
I’m 36 but I just told someone this today. I’m not married or have children because I’ve dedicated myself to my family instead of building my own. But things have changed now. I’m about to have my own. Thank you he is so right. I go work home church! Lol
That's all me too, work, home and church. I need to change my ward robe. I have clothes for choir , I think that's why he can't marry me. I like this talk show
@Anonymous I don't think anyone should do that, rather don't marry at all instead of settling for less because resentment is common in those kinds of relationships, who wants to be miserable for the rest of their lives?
Unfortunately that's what we good girls tell ourselves. Baby Girl, we have to change our mindset; there is beautiful love out there for all of us. Just step into it in love....oh girl and there is money too!
There is enough love for everyone. I don't see why one would think that just because bad girls sometimes get married before some good girls, that they must be in unhappy marriages. True love wake to anyone, anywhere,any day.
@@annnjeri2999 I'm with you on this one. Once we believe that there is abundant love for all of us...it will flow towards us at the right time. There are happy marriages out there. Let's expose ourselves to positive content. The narrative will change.
Why are single people in the comments so defensive. He started of by saying that he is talking to those who are single, not by choice and would wish they were married. If you're happily single then do you, this video is in fact not for you
Lol I swear People shld take advice without being defensive.Those who are single and happy this discussion is not for you.He literally was referring to those who are Single and searching (solutions to get that man)
That was my triangle life, school home church and that's the life I loved I prayed for a husband and God gave me one good one right at church. I hate clubs I hate crowds and here I am today married for 7 years with two beautiful kids. I used to and still wear clothes that cover my knees and still people follow. It's all in your character
Exactly and women need to learn to multiple date. Dating is about vetting out people. No sex, or touchy feely stuff. Just date and keep your eyes wide open and your heart locked away. Date with your BRAIN!!!!
Negotiations are done in the boardroom not the bedroom. I also think most girls are heartbroken because we keep playing wife to men who are not our husbands. Let a man marry you first before you start playing wife.
Exactly! No man read *boyfriend or fiance deserves to be treated like a husband when he has not put a ring on it. Ladies you don't have to prove to him that you are wife material- no cooking for him, no laundering his clothes and certainly no showing your bedroom skills...Please wisen up! If he loves you; it has to be unconditionally.
Sometimes i wonder if people think of sex when talking about doing wifey things😅. Sometimes I think, when you meet the one that's ready and loves you, with rules or not you get married. Some of those applying rules are still single. Live life.
@@spaceousnthambi6342 you have a point. However, life should be done through gambling. Mostly we see a man we fancy and go into 'winning him' mode. That's how we play wife. However, if you meet a guy who loves you, he will be glad to put a ring on it without needing you to play wife. All said and done, yes, let's noy do rules too long!
Am 28 and tired of being single already those who are above this age single and happy some remedy please how do you do it me i feel like its a heavy burden already
@@calebmutugi7191 by queen I don't mean the many slay queens around. By Queen I mine you respect yourself and care for yourself and treat yourself well. Carry yourself with respect and that will be what others will do the same for you.
@@lessstresscommunication8642 i had forgotten that i had commented,😂uko na point lakini God gives husbands and wives,i dont know how,but He does,only humans subdue His Will.Wanasemahuyo sitaki.Power of money,but God is saying:wisdom will build a home,Never money,so,if you think looking to impress you will get a husband,definitely you will get,but whose love is limited to looks.The other spectrum is true.
Brief answer : Because marriage (a man in this case) is not a reward for a woman's behavior. Let that sink. Meanwhile, I don't know how I got to this channel.
Jay I get you, it's always about what the woman is doing and not doing n not vice versa. And we keep having non leading men in society, and so many marriges established on shaky grounds, and divorce rates high. We have a societal problem, SMH!
True, why is this always about women having to conform to societal standards noten? Women are tired too of men why settle for less and suffer when you have a choice of being single.
Kamza Mosweu it’s exhausting listening to some so called relationship experts. Being single is not life threatening. Kwa ufupi a woman is to do all the work while trying to get noticed, while dating and I the marriage. Meanwhile the man who is telling him how to be?
My aunt got married at age 60 for the first time. She waited it out and found a good man for her so let's not put a time frame on anything in life. God is the only 1 who says Yes for our life not these men
I say be yourself, and let the man/woman decide if they want you. There is no sense in being someone you're not. If you are not a "bad girl" then don't try to change into one. Be what you can keep up with.
I'm a man but found his points very accurate especially on social isolation and the need to heal. I'm turning 30 but never been in a meaningful relationship despite wanting to. I've struggled with depression since I was 10. Also experienced abuse from my step-father and watched my mother suffer in an abusive marriage. I get a lot of interest from girls , since I look much younger than I am, but I have never been able to "let them in". I guess I'm scared of the pain. I'm scared of getting hurt and ending up like my mom or worse, hurting people like my step-dad. Healing is not easy at all!
Start a healing journey. Find purpose of your life. Start talking peace, prosperity and stay positive that all shall be well. Again start forgiveness. Forgive yourself for thinking that all is lost. Forgive your mother for allowing fear to jail her in an abusive relationship and forgive your father for hurting all of you. Then find your space in the land of the living. Read the word of God more and more. All the best.
I wish you well, Brayo. If there is a hell, depression is it. Are you a reader? If yes, I have personally found this book to be helpful "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. All in all, you are seen. Keep fighting. Peace and Love.x
Did you watch the video the part he says that don't give a man exclusivity until he earns it.. Meaning just coz you are seeing the guy don't lock out other potential guys. Just because you are dating a guy you can still talk to others guys doesn't mean you are cheating. So don't lock out other potential guys. The guy should earn exclusivity in your life
@@georgeokechi7540 One thing I know God never fails His children,as long as they are true to God then no matter what age God never dissapoints those who trust in Him.The how come I cannot answe to but fact that He is faithful to tge faithful and loyal to the loyal,He fails not,I trustcHim 100 percent and He is God many times we will not understand His ways but we know all things work together for good to those who love Him.It shall come to pass to those who will wait for Him and it will be perfect for them.
They might. A school drop out can ensure you take education seriously, pursue it, encourage you and pay your fee up to PhD. Some philosopher said something like "If I am in chains and you are in chains, and I have the keys to your lock, why must my lock be the same as yours?"
Am above 35 but trust me, I attract all types even being a mother of two. A queenly appearance is everything honey. Dress sexy but responsibly... Age is a number. Exercise, eat healthy focus on your career and a man will come.. Pray and believe. God bless you all.
So sad love does not know material things. Perhaps the girl ment for you never went to school but you will miss her because you think women who have no material things are gold diggers
16:33 "don't let your compassion be manipulated". "You want someone who is at least where you are or ahead of you because you still want him to spoil you and cherish you"❕❕❕
The point he's strongly communicating is that your open up for the world , find happiness and uphold it. Interact with people and the chemistry will naturally develop and you'll find your mate.
@@mwakaaliciachimbila1242 mmh, seek happiness and find fulfillment in life & in what you do, then everything will settle in place. That's my philosophy 😉
The sad reality is that men and women do not have the same biological time line. They can still marry later without issue whereas women have a ticking biological clock.
@@aishaz6552 Men also have a biological clock. Having children at 40-45 for a man means a higher risk of children with mental illnesses such as schizofrena and depression. This is due to mutations in the sperm in men giving them lower and lower qualtiy of sperm for each passing year.
Like he said I was the one who became successful in my family. For ten years I had nothing to show from my hard work because I was financing everything and everyone at home. Last year I decided enough is enough and redirected my finances to myself and my son. Do not give up your dreams and aspirations for other people. You live once.
Always ask yourself... Would they be willing to do the same for you? Pretend to have a problem and see if they will try and do something, if not you have you answer.
Absolutely! I learnt that a while back. I too didn't have much to show but now I am changing that. Decided not to deny myself anything. I think it's a learning curve. Part of me believes that's why the Lord blessed us so much...coz we're the ones with the heart to help
Because “bad” girls meet people, they socialize and meet their perfect match and “good” girls stay home. I am a “good” girl. While my friends went to socialize, I was home and trust me, I have nothing while they are married, have kids, have cars and houses. I always tell younger girls, it’s all a lie, I regret not going out to clubs and restaurants and all those things. In my hood, parents love me coz I have “morals”, but morals didn’t get me anything. I should have went to socialize but I chose to stay home. It’s a lie girls, GO TO THE CLUBS. God still loves you even if you go to the club
My dear girl, going to the club doesn't get you a husband or it may; but what kind of a husband?You want to meet someone that is not under the influence of OCOHO and is in his sober mind when he makes that decision of choosing you as the one. Staying at home will not get you one either. He is not going to drop from heaven not unless it's the handyman.There are 1001 ways of meeting people; don't go looking.. just be naturally you and be at ease; be approachable... it doesn't hurt to smile and say hi to the guy at the grocery store who's asks for your opinion if the pineapple is ripe. Ask yourself how many times you have ignored guys passing by in the street or kunjad your face when a guy approaches you...more than likely you missed out on countless opportunities to start a conversation with a potential husband. He can be found anywhere! Lastly my girl, why do you want to get married or why do you want to get married now? Once you have listed your reasons- ask yourself; are these going to make you content with life? The older I grow the more I realize that my definition of marriage has changed. There is a bigger purpose in marriage than people think. Marriage is a ministry and once inside you have to grow it like a plant, palilia, water, fertilize it...or it will wither and die...most people relax after the wedding...on the contrary they should be working on it daily and moving from one level to the next.
Blessed & Highly Favored people get married coz they love each other. Going to the club doesn’t mean you are going to drink, some people are there to have fun without alcohol. A lot of people I know met at clubs and bars and they always say they have found their perfect match. I was lied to, now am afraid of guys, am afraid of the world. It was a lie
The 1st topic is so me😭😭am 28 and I've always focused on my parents and am the last born... I've worked for 4yrs and done nothing for myself.. But enough now.. Thanks Benjamin I really needed this
@@calebmutugi7191 unaongea koz haijakufika please elewa tu hivo.tumetosheka mbaka hapo tumewasaidia wajiskume na sio kwa ubaya naomba uelewe ama uulize maswali.swali nikujibu.Asante
@@brownskin5373 nashukuru kwa mujibu ulionipa,enyewe sijafika hapo pa kusaidia mpaka end point.Lakini kama uko na miradi ya kujiendeleza kibinafsi,basi inabidi uwe na self control usije ukajiumiza ama kunyonywa na kupe wenye jina la familia,iwapo wana mahitaji halisi,mimi nitajitolea hadi mwisho.infact am living for my family,all my efforts are for their benefit.
@@kimzeevarieties There is no garantee your children will take care of you. And your husband can die anyday not to forget divorce/leave you. I understand your point. Marriage and children are very important especially for africans BUT there are no garantees in life! We shall never forget that. At the end the only beings one can truly relie on is oneself and god.
So much to life than getting married you can travel and do the things that you love. Sis your life does not start and end with a MAN. If someone is single at 40 maybe that's their happiness people just love to associate their happiness with others. Being single doesn't mean you're miserable some single people be happier than married people or those in relationships.
They might. A school drop out can ensure you take education seriously, pursue it, encourage you and pay your fee up to PhD. Some philosopher said something like "If I am in chains and you are in chains, and I have the keys to your lock, why must my lock be the same as yours?"
Aye aye aye! I'm in my late 20s and the only social media I use is TH-cam. I'm guilty of socially isolating myself, but I have prayed to God to help me with it. I'm working on myself now, but God is preparing my future husband.
Dress up to look good and what makes you comfortable not so that you can attract men. Really quality men will notice a good thing when they see it. I have dressed myself in long dresses before to hide from men’s attention. Guess what? Nothing changed they still chased after me, then I knew that it’s not really what you wear but who you are. That’s my experience 🤷🏽♀️
I totally agree with you. There are people who simply do not like to reveal too much and some even feel uncomfortable dressing in a revealing manner, so the idea of having to become uncomfortable & dress in a way that you don't necessarily like doesn't sit very well with me...
01:46-3:28 This is deeeep!!!! This is my story. Not the taking care of family part, but the not balancing part of dating and being loyal to family. This man has gems.. Sin #4 is also another truth! In this day and age, it is also necessary to use social media as a tool for dating.
Do not forget to subscribe to our TH-cam channel.. Click here to subscribe -- th-cam.com/users/switchtvkenya
Oooh,,this topic was meant for me🤔
Bad girls don't have what to protect but good girls take time to decide
@@loisenjuguna26 do something about it girl :).
@@DrUnatiDrMHealthCorner 😉I will my dear
@@loisenjuguna26 guess what. We're intouch. I found him on his IG. Will be interviewing him this coming Saturday ❤️❤️✌️😅
Sometimes it is better to be referred to as an old maid than marry a man who will wreak havoc in your life for the sake of marriage. Also it is better to be single than divorced.
Very true but when will marriage be valued again, it's a good thing that was ordained by God, it needs to be regarded very highly but this days it's not...
Spot on..
It is better to be divorced than dead.
y
@@wanjiruannecate1035 true
I am one of those who got married after 40. I had many instances where I would have gotten married but I said NO!.. God brought me the man of my dreams who loves me unconditionally, and treats me like a queen. I am so glad I waited as we are happily married, pray, cook, wash, travel together etc. Its unconditional love that I have been blessed with. I don't regret saying no to marriage in my younger age.
Also we didn't engage in s*x before marriage!!
@Nelson Mandela 🤣🤣🤣
@Lee N. In this age and time, getting married 40+ is the right time. Because the Concern people already mature and know what they want in life . Before that, temptation and Confusion plays in.
Glory
Nelson Mandela 😂😂😅
Yeah, but it’s harder having a baby after 40.
Being an older child, I've ended up hating marriage because I've been a mediator in my parents marriage, I've been a parent to my siblings, I'm tired already before I even have my own family
Oh oooo. So sorry to hear that. That's alot to take on. I pray that you are healed from all this and that you shall not be weary.
@@hajaarsmith5930 thank you, I've decided to take some time off from everything and just focus on me until I start feeling better.
This hit home😢God bless
There is always a reason darling. You've already learned to be content single and how to choose a partner wisely. Be blessed.
@@achatwithgoitse thank you ♥️🙏
Im jus before 40, i slay, beautiful and carefree.. i jus have not found my personal person.... There is no formula for these things... God makes all things beautiful in his time
Very true indeed
Amen
The society is the problem
@@miminiss5145 if everything in society had changed by us now this simple thing also has to be changed by we society k
Society is nothing
It's only we peopkes
So we have to change these types foolishness of the past k
Very true friend
Keep it 👍
"Your parents can't guide you where they have never went." Wow...powerful
Very true 😂😂😂😂
So so true. I am so afraid to end up like mine. Pigmalion Effect
Jehovaaah, this man #Benjamin I love you😻
Very true!!!
I disagree ✍🏿
As you listen to him, I want you to know that marriage isn't your life's goal and purpose.
DREAM?
#hit.
So true marriage is gift
Amen to that sis!
He clarified that, he’s talking about women who are looking for one.
I'm 35 and divorced, and I wish I never settled and married my ex. I would rather travel the world and focus on my own happiness, than remarry.
That's me😂
That's where I'm at right now in my mindset. I'm hating the idea of dating men right now. I just want to have a fabulous time traveling, partying, and making awesome friends.
@Traveling Diva2018 iam almost married 1 week later then all the sudden he cancelled the wedding because I was kidding about move back the wedding date. Iam so broken hearted thanks for ur testimony
Same here🤮
You are going to meet a nice guy one day
Even my aunt after she loose her husband she said she will never guessed what she's married again she's a widow
The answer is simple, marriage is not the goal,
Happiness is♥️
I agree with you love
Never chase a man, thats when your crown falls.
Dolphine Akoth Absolutely True
Pia wewe uko huku😂😂😂
Some men are unpredictable one can chase a man,then a man gives in then later on that is after one ashaoleka plus with several kids from the man then later on such a man begins to despise ,cheating etc and when the lady who chased him happens to question him this is what she get “ after all I wasn’t interested with you in the 1st place wewe ndio ulinitongoza” then such a lady ends up accommodating all the mathash towards her from her hubby..these are things I have seen happening sisemi bure ni several wacha tuu.
Hehe it has nothing to do with that its about affection kama amekupenda amependa if you chase him he will be more flattered kama hakufeel even if you pull away its likely he wont follow you.
No woman is Worthy chasing
Don’t get so used to loneliness that you forget that love is still an option. Wow!
That's my problem I love my loneliness. I'm angry at times and afraid to get hurt!
My problem. M alwys home wrkn from home I hardly go out
th-cam.com/video/6p9RVHdpEmI/w-d-xo.html
That's deep....and true.
I am very comfortable being alone, too comfortable
When he said “your parents can’t guide you any further than they went” I felt that shit
That's so true ...some real wisdom there .
That's me....oh God help me
That’s really the biggest issue.
Not always but there is a point in there
Eeeeeeh i remember i had my ticket my mum said i should cash it in ,i told her no way.
A smart lady would rather die single than end up with the wrong person.My step-sister is almost forty, she's independent, kind-hearted and very generous.I think she's single because she's not found someone worthy of her.
Very true
Thats me too.
She possibly set very high standards for herself such that she priced herself out of the market!
@@mzingayemthethwa8019 No
@@wildchild574She hasn't found anybody worth of her? Bullshit! The dating market determines your price.
But ladies remember..... dont get married without being financially stable. You will thank me later.
Dr Gee so true, your voice is heard when you are financially ok.
Thank you
@@victoriamuthoni6923 everything has two sides like a coin. I haven't said such thing cant happen..... its another side.... but its less secure... as you are talking basing on your xperience, Im talking basing on the reality happening in high percentage, and thats my point.
Thanks 😘
Thank u , because men tend to suppress woman when they are the only provider in the home, get ur career together, get ur coins at the same time u looking for Mr right too.
I think those 40yr old single ladies are stigmatised enough. God knows them by name.give them a break
Thank you...
Thank you
Such a sensitive comment. Thank you.😊
True
Samuel Gitahi... Show some love.
Once you realize why most people marry you won’t feel you’re missing out. Most people are in and out of marriage or hanging on to someone for the sake of being married. It’s better to be single and at peace than attached to someone you don’t love.
Person: You need to get married, you're getting older
Nobody: Didn't know getting married will stop me from getting older
Got married at 24yrs olf
I AM I😁
Hahaha wow
@@paulettejones2606 foolushness
😂
It's not a sin to be single I'm single and 45 years old and I'm enjoying my life
Listen to what he said at 1:11. If you are single by choice it's okay. But if you are still searching, then maybe you might follow his tips to adjust the way you have been approaching things in order to make yourself more visible to potential suitors.
He made that clear from the beginning.
Good for you
@@presidentofkenya6896 Thank you I wanted to say the same thing
th-cam.com/video/6p9RVHdpEmI/w-d-xo.html
Enjoy your life woman, you don't have to pls anyone. Marriage does not = Happiness!
People are forced to treat you well when you are good to yourself. Keep shining queens!!
You do weed the bad ones out
I’m 36 but I just told someone this today. I’m not married or have children because I’ve dedicated myself to my family instead of building my own. But things have changed now. I’m about to have my own. Thank you he is so right. I go work home church! Lol
That's all me too, work, home and church. I need to change my ward robe. I have clothes for choir , I think that's why he can't marry me. I like this talk show
Ditto. I realized I was centering my life around my mother’s issues. And working too much.
Best of luck sis ❤❤
"Don't get too used to loneliness till you forget that love is still an option"... That was deep
This video was very helpful.
I'm 33 years old, still single never been married believing God for a good man to settle down.
Am also 33 years old and single (never been married). I share the same sentiments. God's time.
Same whatsapp group.
Really dear so much helpful 💗 thank God for it
Me too here hoping for God
God will come thru for u dia..
Uncles: Your age mates are getting married, why are you not getting married?
Me: Your age mates are dying, who is asking you to die?
Good slap ladies...
Love this absolutely
BEST COME BACK I HAVE EVER HEARD! Only would be caught dead ACTUALLY saying lol! Great one!
Hehehehe...
😂😂😂
First borns really carry more than their parents.
You have point my dear
My dear, this is so true 😩
The accuracy
Alot. And all what he is saying i am guilty
What? You're not aparent i suppose
Since I'm over 40 and divorced, God fearing, hardworking, smart, etc let me sit at the corner and listen. Give some love . With love from London ❤️
Hi
Search on TH-cam for a channel "MotivatingU2Win"
Don't get so used to loneliness that you forget that love is still an option....wow!!
That's me
@Rough Diamond me too😰😰😰
I've already forgotten 😂🤣
@Anonymous I don't think anyone should do that, rather don't marry at all instead of settling for less because resentment is common in those kinds of relationships, who wants to be miserable for the rest of their lives?
@Anonymous 🤒🤒🤒huuuu
But many of those "bad" girls are living a lie in unhappy marriages.
No I don't agree with u
Unfortunately that's how good girls convince themselves
Unfortunately that's what we good girls tell ourselves. Baby Girl, we have to change our mindset; there is beautiful love out there for all of us. Just step into it in love....oh girl and there is money too!
There is enough love for everyone. I don't see why one would think that just because bad girls sometimes get married before some good girls, that they must be in unhappy marriages. True love wake to anyone, anywhere,any day.
@@annnjeri2999 I'm with you on this one. Once we believe that there is abundant love for all of us...it will flow towards us at the right time. There are happy marriages out there. Let's expose ourselves to positive content. The narrative will change.
Why are single people in the comments so defensive. He started of by saying that he is talking to those who are single, not by choice and would wish they were married. If you're happily single then do you, this video is in fact not for you
That’s what I’m also noticing. The disclaimer was very clear in the beginning who he’s talking about
th-cam.com/video/HUVpDU0OHPM/w-d-xo.html so sad, woman dies one day after her wedding in Lagos. See what happened
Loool deep down they aren't happy 😂😂😂
The truth dear... Hurts🙊
Lol I swear People shld take advice without being defensive.Those who are single and happy this discussion is not for you.He literally was referring to those who are Single and searching (solutions to get that man)
That was my triangle life, school home church and that's the life I loved I prayed for a husband and God gave me one good one right at church. I hate clubs I hate crowds and here I am today married for 7 years with two beautiful kids. I used to and still wear clothes that cover my knees and still people follow. It's all in your character
Yaaa amen I believe dressing code doesn't matter, am a highschool student and that's same for me
Exactly too. Thank God for people like you
True, a husband comes from God🙏🏽
Exactly me . Still single and waiting on God
Yeah be yourself
Don't give a man exclusivity before he earns it✅✅✅
Boardroom assessment before bedroom sexment 😜😁
Exactly!!! Exclusivity also is not necessarily sex, it’s pretty not putting all your eggs in one basket....
@@classysis6264 nobody teaches this hey
Exactly and women need to learn to multiple date. Dating is about vetting out people. No sex, or touchy feely stuff. Just date and keep your eyes wide open and your heart locked away. Date with your BRAIN!!!!
Negotiations are done in the boardroom not the bedroom. I also think most girls are heartbroken because we keep playing wife to men who are not our husbands.
Let a man marry you first before you start playing wife.
Exactly! No man read *boyfriend or fiance deserves to be treated like a husband when he has not put a ring on it. Ladies you don't have to prove to him that you are wife material- no cooking for him, no laundering his clothes and certainly no showing your bedroom skills...Please wisen up! If he loves you; it has to be unconditionally.
Wooooooooooow, was you got a point, i think it is because of our desperate to be wives...we are really desperate😔
Soooo true!!!!
Sometimes i wonder if people think of sex when talking about doing wifey things😅. Sometimes I think, when you meet the one that's ready and loves you, with rules or not you get married. Some of those applying rules are still single. Live life.
@@spaceousnthambi6342 you have a point. However, life should be done through gambling. Mostly we see a man we fancy and go into 'winning him' mode. That's how we play wife. However, if you meet a guy who loves you, he will be glad to put a ring on it without needing you to play wife. All said and done, yes, let's noy do rules too long!
WE LACK REAL MEN FOR REAL WOMEN IN OUR WORLD TODAY.....THIS IS THE FACT
😢
That's so true.
Very true
True
Am 28 and tired of being single already those who are above this age single and happy some remedy please how do you do it me i feel like its a heavy burden already
Once you Surpass your parents you have to get another source of advice
That was a weird statement difference
"Look Queenly" Treat yourself as a queen it will radiate to those around you and they will treat you as the queen you are.
Don't give a man exclusivity before he earns it......ON POINT.!
What if you are not a queen pretending to beone,be yourself,achana na huyu jamaa,guys see fake and real.
@@calebmutugi7191 by queen I don't mean the many slay queens around. By Queen I mine you respect yourself and care for yourself and treat yourself well. Carry yourself with respect and that will be what others will do the same for you.
@@lessstresscommunication8642 i had forgotten that i had commented,😂uko na point lakini God gives husbands and wives,i dont know how,but He does,only humans subdue His Will.Wanasemahuyo sitaki.Power of money,but God is saying:wisdom will build a home,Never money,so,if you think looking to impress you will get a husband,definitely you will get,but whose love is limited to looks.The other spectrum is true.
@@calebmutugi7191 what he meant is recognizing your value and Worth...
That way,you will attract people that match your energy.
Brief answer : Because marriage (a man in this case) is not a reward for a woman's behavior. Let that sink. Meanwhile, I don't know how I got to this channel.
Jay I get you, it's always about what the woman is doing and not doing n not vice versa. And we keep having non leading men in society, and so many marriges established on shaky grounds, and divorce rates high. We have a societal problem, SMH!
This f***n rules, what an irksome way to put it smh.
True, why is this always about women having to conform to societal standards noten? Women are tired too of men why settle for less and suffer when you have a choice of being single.
Kamza Mosweu it’s exhausting listening to some so called relationship experts. Being single is not life threatening. Kwa ufupi a woman is to do all the work while trying to get noticed, while dating and I the marriage. Meanwhile the man who is telling him how to be?
Great answer. Thanks.
My aunt got married at age 60 for the first time. She waited it out and found a good man for her so let's not put a time frame on anything in life. God is the only 1 who says Yes for our life not these men
th-cam.com/video/HUVpDU0OHPM/w-d-xo.html watch viral video of Kenyan lady who confesses to deliberately infecting men with Hiv Aids
Fortunely for her she had 3 kids before marriage so when she married it was really about companionship rather than baby making etc. Thank you
You're not your aunt, decide for your life sis
@@tfhfoundation lol I know this but you didn't get my point but we read what we want. Stay blessed
@@FranMnguni you choose your pathway... God blesses it
I say be yourself, and let the man/woman decide if they want you. There is no sense in being someone you're not. If you are not a "bad girl" then don't try to change into one. Be what you can keep up with.
Exactly! No pretends or packaging.
I agree
I'm a man but found his points very accurate especially on social isolation and the need to heal. I'm turning 30 but never been in a meaningful relationship despite wanting to. I've struggled with depression since I was 10. Also experienced abuse from my step-father and watched my mother suffer in an abusive marriage. I get a lot of interest from girls , since I look much younger than I am, but I have never been able to "let them in". I guess I'm scared of the pain. I'm scared of getting hurt and ending up like my mom or worse, hurting people like my step-dad. Healing is not easy at all!
May you receive healing from God
Receive healing in Jesus name. It is well
Start a healing journey. Find purpose of your life. Start talking peace, prosperity and stay positive that all shall be well. Again start forgiveness. Forgive yourself for thinking that all is lost. Forgive your mother for allowing fear to jail her in an abusive relationship and forgive your father for hurting all of you. Then find your space in the land of the living. Read the word of God more and more. All the best.
Wow, I think I understand you perfectly well.
I wish you well, Brayo. If there is a hell, depression is it. Are you a reader? If yes, I have personally found this book to be helpful "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl.
All in all, you are seen. Keep fighting.
Peace and Love.x
I'm glad he addressed that not everyone wants to be married.
Thank you for addressing that part first and foremost
th-cam.com/video/HUVpDU0OHPM/w-d-xo.html woman dies one day after her wedding in Lagos State. See what happened
Marriage is not for everyone.
It was such a breath of fresh air...
W
Quarantine has taught me how much I love being alone ❤👑💐👠💎💞
“Your parents cannot guide you any further than they went!” 😬😬😬 Ouch!
I'm young, I'm a professional, I'm working full time, I feel like this man has described me exactly.
"Don't give a man exclusivity before he earns it" This spoke to me and I won't lie been a victim of this and learned it the hard way
What do u mean by that
@@blessedbeautiful3872 by what exactly
Did you watch the video the part he says that don't give a man exclusivity until he earns it.. Meaning just coz you are seeing the guy don't lock out other potential guys. Just because you are dating a guy you can still talk to others guys doesn't mean you are cheating. So don't lock out other potential guys. The guy should earn exclusivity in your life
@@everlynewang7899 Thanks beautiful l get it
Sis same
"Donate your choir clothes",,this really caught me 😂😂😂
Me too hey😂😂🔥
Me too 😂😂
On my way to donate
😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Single with no kids turning 40 this year 🎉🎉🎉
;)
Really??
Yes! You are winning! Because you are free 🙌
Same getting to 40 soon enough 🎉
Love it
Single firstborn here in my 30s. Now I understand why I have felt tired since my 20s because I helped take care of my sisters. 🤣😂
Marriage is about God plan His time is the best
And more importantly the right partner
So true and it has nothing to do with age but God's perfect plan.Amen.
Then how come you have so many single women over 30 in Church.
@@georgeokechi7540 One thing I know God never fails His children,as long as they are true to God then no matter what age God never dissapoints those who trust in Him.The how come I cannot answe to but fact that He is faithful to tge faithful and loyal to the loyal,He fails not,I trustcHim 100 percent and He is God many times we will not understand His ways but we know all things work together for good to those who love Him.It shall come to pass to those who will wait for Him and it will be perfect for them.
@@georgeokechi7540 Did God say 30 is the age of marriage? 🤷🏾♀️
Getting married tommorrow before 40 am 39 and a half...😂😂
Hahaha
😂🤣😂🤣🤣💓💓💓💓
Wow!
Don’t forget to invite us😂😂😂
Hurry hurry
He's dropping some dimes here... 'your parents can't guide you any further than they have' DO YOUR OWN THING, LIVE YOUR LIFE ✨
I'm glad that I'm 20 and watching this.
I'm learning. I pray that God helps me to apply this to my life amen
Kumbe we are MANY?! Don't give a man exclusivity before he earns it! ➕ tell them your price like muhindi. Zulu..you are the bomb!
You're parents can't guide you farther than they went. Sooo sooo true. Shocking, but true.
I was also shocked and when I thought about it, it was infact true !!! I don't know what supports this but it's surprising true
So true
Not true ....
They might. A school drop out can ensure you take education seriously, pursue it, encourage you and pay your fee up to PhD.
Some philosopher said something like "If I am in chains and you are in chains, and I have the keys to your lock, why must my lock be the same as yours?"
True
Am above 35 but trust me, I attract all types even being a mother of two. A queenly appearance is everything honey. Dress sexy but responsibly... Age is a number. Exercise, eat healthy focus on your career and a man will come.. Pray and believe. God bless you all.
There’s a big difference between 35 and 40. Most women don’t look the same at 40 as 35. Age is not just a number
@@lola2659 you can not look the same at 40 as you did at 35 but still look good. You don’t really have to be a bathing beauty honestly.
I am 35 years old single and have committed all 4 offenses 😣....my god this man is reading me like a book 🤦🏾♀️
Go and redeem you self now
Same here,at 38
Great Discussion here - " If you want a man with car you will get him at the parking lot as you park your own car."
very true
This guy is always on point. However...at times I think it's all about fate. But what do I know?
So sad love does not know material things. Perhaps the girl ment for you never went to school but you will miss her because you think women who have no material things are gold diggers
Haha true
Hahaa in a packing I don't agree, you can get a taxi man or driver..
'Your parents cannot advise you where they didn't pass.' Mm, powerful! 🔥
As girls we're always told to say no but never when to say yes..
Exactly
16:33 "don't let your compassion be manipulated".
"You want someone who is at least where you are or ahead of you because you still want him to spoil you and cherish you"❕❕❕
The point he's strongly communicating is that your open up for the world , find happiness and uphold it. Interact with people and the chemistry will naturally develop and you'll find your mate.
Tumesikia...😁
Uve hit the nail on the head
@@nelag81 hahaa, volume iko sawa😂
@@mwakaaliciachimbila1242 mmh, seek happiness and find fulfillment in life & in what you do, then everything will settle in place. That's my philosophy 😉
Yeees
Balancing is key!Put yourself first as a woman.Otherwise life will pass you by!
😆😆😆
💪
I'm 20, my mum sent me this. She is sending a my strong message cuz I wear my mama dress on campus
dress conservative [ ask ur dad he knows ] no tattoos no body mutilations'' otherwise u will attract fleas: players, badd boys..
Funny how these guys never have tips for single men as if they don't struggle also.
The sad reality is that men and women do not have the same biological time line. They can still marry later without issue whereas women have a ticking biological clock.
@@aishaz6552 Men also have a biological clock. Having children at 40-45 for a man means a higher risk of children with mental illnesses such as schizofrena and depression. This is due to mutations in the sperm in men giving them lower and lower qualtiy of sperm for each passing year.
Right smh, always a out the woman
Sometimes they can know one side's problem without knowing the other. Or that's their target demographic.
This!
The level of wisdom and experience. My brother, you are a legend! I've been edified!
I tell you
Like he said I was the one who became successful in my family. For ten years I had nothing to show from my hard work because I was financing everything and everyone at home. Last year I decided enough is enough and redirected my finances to myself and my son. Do not give up your dreams and aspirations for other people. You live once.
Absolutely....Don't get drained trying to please other people...
Refocusing is so good
This is a fact have just redirected myself recently I was almost going nuts
Always ask yourself... Would they be willing to do the same for you? Pretend to have a problem and see if they will try and do something, if not you have you answer.
Absolutely! I learnt that a while back. I too didn't have much to show but now I am changing that. Decided not to deny myself anything. I think it's a learning curve. Part of me believes that's why the Lord blessed us so much...coz we're the ones with the heart to help
Shout out from South Africa... your insights are universal. Raw, Real, Relevant with a touch of truthful humour. You are truly amazing sir
Wow girl,u expressive and eloquent.👌
Thanks Benjamin and Mary, I have replayed this over and it has hit home. Well said Benjamin
Because “bad” girls meet people, they socialize and meet their perfect match and “good” girls stay home. I am a “good” girl. While my friends went to socialize, I was home and trust me, I have nothing while they are married, have kids, have cars and houses. I always tell younger girls, it’s all a lie, I regret not going out to clubs and restaurants and all those things. In my hood, parents love me coz I have “morals”, but morals didn’t get me anything. I should have went to socialize but I chose to stay home. It’s a lie girls, GO TO THE CLUBS. God still loves you even if you go to the club
Yep, problem is that we have been lied to..
My dear girl, going to the club doesn't get you a husband or it may; but what kind of a husband?You want to meet someone that is not under the influence of OCOHO and is in his sober mind when he makes that decision of choosing you as the one. Staying at home will not get you one either. He is not going to drop from heaven not unless it's the handyman.There are 1001 ways of meeting people; don't go looking.. just be naturally you and be at ease; be approachable... it doesn't hurt to smile and say hi to the guy at the grocery store who's asks for your opinion if the pineapple is ripe. Ask yourself how many times you have ignored guys passing by in the street or kunjad your face when a guy approaches you...more than likely you missed out on countless opportunities to start a conversation with a potential husband. He can be found anywhere!
Lastly my girl, why do you want to get married or why do you want to get married now? Once you have listed your reasons- ask yourself; are these going to make you content with life?
The older I grow the more I realize that my definition of marriage has changed. There is a bigger purpose in marriage than people think. Marriage is a ministry and once inside you have to grow it like a plant, palilia, water, fertilize it...or it will wither and die...most people relax after the wedding...on the contrary they should be working on it daily and moving from one level to the next.
Blessed & Highly Favored people get married coz they love each other. Going to the club doesn’t mean you are going to drink, some people are there to have fun without alcohol. A lot of people I know met at clubs and bars and they always say they have found their perfect match. I was lied to, now am afraid of guys, am afraid of the world. It was a lie
You are my twin...I tell my mom to let my younger sister go out and have fun
@@ladysafari01 Not going to the club doesn't guarantee a good partner either....and who said clubs are for monsters
The 1st topic is so me😭😭am 28 and I've always focused on my parents and am the last born... I've worked for 4yrs and done nothing for myself.. But enough now.. Thanks Benjamin I really needed this
It's not late
What has money got to do with finding a man for marriage?help your family,huyo msee amemess,pesa huisha,
Exactly me. But nilichanuka
@@calebmutugi7191 unaongea koz haijakufika please elewa tu hivo.tumetosheka mbaka hapo tumewasaidia wajiskume na sio kwa ubaya naomba uelewe ama uulize maswali.swali nikujibu.Asante
@@brownskin5373 nashukuru kwa mujibu ulionipa,enyewe sijafika hapo pa kusaidia mpaka end point.Lakini kama uko na miradi ya kujiendeleza kibinafsi,basi inabidi uwe na self control usije ukajiumiza ama kunyonywa na kupe wenye jina la familia,iwapo wana mahitaji halisi,mimi nitajitolea hadi mwisho.infact am living for my family,all my efforts are for their benefit.
It’s coz people judge too much. You may think the “carefree” is a bad girl but she knows how to treat her man. Who wants a boring wife really? 🤣🤣🤣
God bless this man ,he opens my eyes to so many things I am 30 but so scared of marriage but I am ready to settle.
Am only 22 and I feel like you're talking to me. Am socially isolated and I don't like relationships 🤣🤣🤣
Read on "attachment styles"... May help you understand yourself better...
Am here with you babe😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@justathought7235 is it a book
@@keziahndondela1764 no. Just a concept observed in people. Like personality etc.
@@keziahndondela1764 th-cam.com/video/2s9ACDMcpjA/w-d-xo.html
Singleness is a gift, value it!
@@kimzeevarieties There is no garantee your children will take care of you. And your husband can die anyday not to forget divorce/leave you. I understand your point. Marriage and children are very important especially for africans BUT there are no garantees in life! We shall never forget that. At the end the only beings one can truly relie on is oneself and god.
Its a fucked up gift.
Mae West said "I'm single because I was born that way."
@@melaniekeeling7462 I love this!
So much to life than getting married you can travel and do the things that you love. Sis your life does not start and end with a MAN. If someone is single at 40 maybe that's their happiness people just love to associate their happiness with others. Being single doesn't mean you're miserable some single people be happier than married people or those in relationships.
Benjamin is full of excitement and I love his energy. I would love to have met him. I love his teaching .
Wish they were subtitles for when you all are speaking Swahili. Watching from US & I get lost when you start speaking Swahili but I LOVE the show !
Am I the only lady who feels like this guy is talking to me?????
I feel like he's shouting at me... For something I did 😂😂
Makes the 3 of us
@@MyJoan88 It feels like he has been following some of us around 😂😂😂😂
Me too
@@MyJoan88 😂😂😂
Thank you very much Ben. The number of times I've watched this is not countable!
I love the wisdom and insight Benjamin is bringing out. You simply awesome
Your parents will never guide you beyond where they're.
They might. A school drop out can ensure you take education seriously, pursue it, encourage you and pay your fee up to PhD.
Some philosopher said something like "If I am in chains and you are in chains, and I have the keys to your lock, why must my lock be the same as yours?"
sad truth😧
Or anyone for that matter
Veeeeery deep and true
That’s not always true. And there is wisdom in what he is saying, but there are also folly that no sound person can agree with.
Kudos Benjamin Zulu👏🏾.You always drop gems in abundance and your analogies are spot on.Confirmation of many lessons learnt in all your segments.
You are so welcome
Aye aye aye! I'm in my late 20s and the only social media I use is TH-cam. I'm guilty of socially isolating myself, but I have prayed to God to help me with it. I'm working on myself now, but God is preparing my future husband.
Hello. So where do you live?
@@t-renallux3125 I live in the Caribbean. How about you?
@@ShiaGirl18 : Ok, I see. I'm from England, i'm not a female though, lool.
Wow, this man is so lively! Love this segment! Thank you!
This a real eye opener to me and 1M other firstborn gals/daughters! At least av come across this at my crossroad.... Thank you Zulu
Man....first born gals GOD bless us
Taking our time on going into marriage is the best way in life and gods time is always the best time no matter what again god is always in control
As a second born it's more my life than the first born for my mother, she doesn't care one bit like that.
Dress up to look good and what makes you comfortable not so that you can attract men. Really quality men will notice a good thing when they see it. I have dressed myself in long dresses before to hide from men’s attention. Guess what? Nothing changed they still chased after me, then I knew that it’s not really what you wear but who you are. That’s my experience 🤷🏽♀️
I totally agree with you. There are people who simply do not like to reveal too much and some even feel uncomfortable dressing in a revealing manner, so the idea of having to become uncomfortable & dress in a way that you don't necessarily like doesn't sit very well with me...
🔥🔥🔥🔥
th-cam.com/video/6p9RVHdpEmI/w-d-xo.html
True
I feel you that's true, very true clothing doesn't matter, don't dress to impress cause you're an empress yaaa dressing code doesn't matter
I love this section✔✔💯💯
Thanks for the show
Love from Sierra Leone🇸🇱🇸🇱🇸🇱, pls share with his Social Media Handles.
Stumbled on this and I totally love it! You spoke well Mr Benjamin Zulu
when you said especially 23yrs old😂😂😂...am donating my clothes kesho
Linda 😂😂😂😂I felt attacked
@@watirinjenga 😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I'm 23 too and guilty of the triangle🔺 church, home, work (school when I was still a student)...💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃 Jesus Christ
I feel attacked too😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Zulu is always enlightening. Watching from🇿🇦
I agree.Am a first born and I carried all the responsibilities...but am lucky as you said I got someone to mentor me at 22 and at 25 I had settled
thanks mr benjamin for this useful article, it has really changed my style of living. sarah straight outta uganda
Zulu always on point...
Mwikali nakupenda sana,sikujui but I can tell u have a good heart
You are the most realest guy I have heard...I love your advice hahahaha
01:46-3:28 This is deeeep!!!! This is my story. Not the taking care of family part, but the not balancing part of dating and being loyal to family. This man has gems..
Sin #4 is also another truth! In this day and age, it is also necessary to use social media as a tool for dating.
"Don't get so used to loneliness that you forget love is possible".
Aki it's very true that's me.. No one inheriting my family but I will never regret
This is so informative. I love it. I'm in my late 20s and this is an eye opener. Now I know that I need to turn on my charm.
Yeah...
Am here too
This is the video that introduced me to the wisdom of Benjamin Zulu. I've been hooked ever since 👌
The most refreshing advice. thank you.
Hehe I really needed to hear this,thank so much.from SA
Start listening to Dr. Esther Perel. You'll be shocked about her analysis of marriage today. She'll blow you mind away.
I absolutely love Esther Perel! I discovered her just 6 months ago and still can’t believe it took me so long!
Oh! She is incredible!
Hala Suleiman that’s the same way I felt. However, she helped realize all the problems I had in my marriage. 😃 I’m a lot happier now.
Shì Ro I’ve learnt a lot from her. 🥰
K
I love your level of wisdom and tactic in handling questions... Thank you sire and ma
I love this show😍
With so much love and gratitude all the way from Papua New Guinea🇵🇬.👌❤