Honestly as a single black woman l believe we could look at multiple reasons for why some of us may still be single. I do wish that our culture would stop talking about it as if something is innately wrong with us for being single. It can sometimes feel like we are being indicted for something that we may or may not be able to control. There are alot of us who go to churches where women overwhelmingly outnumber the men in membership. Imagine so many women desiring marriage with a very small pool of men to pick from within the church because there just aren't that many men there. We also have to consider are we ready to be married mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Yes l say financially because it takes money to run a household and to take care of children so l applaud both black men and women who have higher education and have created a stable life for themselves before marriage. Even if you created a stable life for yourself just through hard work bravo to you because it's going to make it easier stepping into marriage. When did we as a culture start vilifying people getting an education? It was all everybody use to talk about in the past but now we claim it's what's holding women back. If you are not using education, money, or status to act like you don't want anyone why is it a problem? You can be loving, respectful, truly value men and be educated. ❤ 🙏
ROI is often overlooked. The only storyline is Boaz. Helping is frowned upon when realistically 2 is better than 1. How about we start examining the whole book for ex. Abigail was wise and saw the King in David while he struggled in the wilderness. Her act of kindness saved her husband at the time and caused David to recognize something in her. At the appropriate time he sent for her to become his wife. Just know there are men of God on the grind trying to get in position. Smiles, words, and faith may return you a great husband when you least expect it. Be blessed
@sarahjackson1897 I love your comment but I think the conversation is missing something. First, there’s a toxic mashup of dysfunction and truth at play that’s making black coupling more difficult than it should be and both BM and BW are complicit. This idea that it’s the advanced degrees that are making BW difficult to date simply isn’t true. It seems to be the personality types of *some* of the BW that seek advanced degrees that poses a problem - not the degrees or professional achievements. I believe, for BW, there’s expectation that achievement would make high achieving men available to you and that candidates for dating must meet unrealistic criteria. Whereas men, high achieving or not, aren’t choosing women based on BW meeting similar earnings/lifestyle/access criteria, religious requirements, height requirements. Most BM do get that there’s a responsibility that comes with success while most BW seem to assume entitlement with it. For BW’s part, the angry, combative BW meme is a thing. It wouldn’t work as a meme if it weren’t and it to is a problem. For our part, BM have been showing increasing toxicity and warped expectations since the rise of this black pill (or is it red pill) and, we too are still most plagued with the burden of being black in the world. Negative stereotypes placed on us are often lived out by us too. We also carry the pressures of what men are expected to be and it can bring challenges when our mates are the higher earners. Some of us do have antiquated ideas of gender roles that don’t jibe with our economic realities and are too insecure to keep company with women that bring more successful than we do. I know they exist. Honestly though, I don’t know those brothers.
@@t.breeze8659 As a woman l do thank you for sharing your point of view from a man's perspective. I so understand where you are coming from and l do believe there are some women who feel that way. We gotta make sure that we as believers are not using the same standards the world uses in determining who we should date and marry. We gotta make sure we are not applying the world's standards to our dating life and yet expecting a spiritually healthy outcome. I do believe the world's mentality concerning dating has greatly influenced the church and we are seeing the consequences of it.
@@t.breeze8659Well said! As a black man, in my experience it’s not insecurity that prevents BM’s from pursuing or dating the BW’s that may be more educated or have more financial success, on the contrary BM have a higher sense of self worth that conflicts with the intrinsic value those particular BW & society at large has subjugated us to. We all know the black plight, struggle and the many facets of the effects of it. It’s taboo to acknowledge that black men are the lowest on the on the oppression totem pole. Simply mentioning it is anti-bw and shamed. lol Love/Relationship’s is the only capacity where black men have a choice in how they are treated, valued or viewed in their lives. There’s simply no incentive for BM to go where they don’t feel valued or loved.
Being a strong black woman is nothing new. My grandfather told his daughters in the 60s to get an education and be able to take care of themselves because men come and go.
Black woman in her 60's here. I grew up in L.A. and none of the successful, educated BM wanted a long term relationship with me. One black male told me that if I didn't have money or looked like a model I was out of luck. So being an equal opportunity dater, I dated outside of my race and ended up marrying a white man. We're still together 32 years later.
Said the man who cheated on his ex-wife, a former first lady, with other women in the church, left her with three children to raise alone, and isn't he engaged, or something like that??? Why is he worried about single women???
Men always say women overlook all of these great men. But when asked if they would recommend a woman date any of their single male friends they always say ABSOLUTELY NOT because they know how toxic they are. So if men can't find any decent, dateable single men to be friends with what makes them think women can find them to date?
I'm so tired of hearing about Black women be single because we choose to enrich our lives through education. Black men need to get on board and set THEIR OWN GOALS!!
THANK YOU. I'm so sick of this subject especially with black men using it as fodder for their topics of discussion or social media channels. No one person can speak for all single people. Some of us are single because we choose to be. Why can't people understand that and leave it alone? They need to stop clumping all single women together too. Some want marriage, some don't. Simple. Maybe if we start asking them why they aren't married, they'll leave it alone.
As long as people keep watching this stuff and feeding it they are going to keep their platform. Everyone is diagnosing BW while they are popping their collar thinking they are better. It’s sickening.
We are still missing the boat on this topic and really it is because we try to over complicate a topic or we are just are not listening to each… or both… 1.) A black woman that is educated is simply that. Education has been encouraged in the black community for years. Why? Because people died for the rights to read, vote, and excel. My grandparents and parents (married until death) both encouraged education and the ability to be able to sustain yourself as an adult. 2.) There are seasons for everything. This assumption that men and women will get married, have the kids, the house, the career by 28 -30 is crazy. God continues to prove that he runs this and everyone’s story and love story will look different. Some will get married at 30 and others 50. As long as it is healthy no one cares, or should care. 3.) Many marriages were a necessity especially for women and men before the 70s. Women could not get much at all in their names, and if they did it did not come hassle-free. 4.) Marriage values and what that should look like starts at HOME, not the church. Yes the church plays a big role in developing people to their highest potential and their walk with God, but when a baby is born (most of the time) that child goes home with the parent. They are not dropped off at the church. Those values have to be instilled at an early age. 5.) Yes the time has passed for relationships to just be an exchange. I pay the bills you do everything else. Marriage was never supposed to be that way. Both individuals have to communicate properly and depend on each which takes selfless and a healthy adult mindset. It’s not the church hurt people in the area of relationships, but we live in a world that wants to do everything out of order first, and this happens even in the church with no correction. Bottom line it is not the church’s fault that successful women are single. There are sooooooo many other simple factors and some are not negative.
Preach! You can add that the most dangerous place for a married woman is her home. More black women are killed by their husband and / partner than anyone else. It is and has always been more dangerous for a married black women. My best friend was murdered (stabbed to death) by her Husband leaving behind a 2yr & 9yr old!
It’s called being “reasonable”. That’s the middle part you are thinking about. It was right there on the tip of your tongue😂😂😂It’s not some unicorn concept or ideology. Why does this mentality allude so many modern woman🤦🏾♂️
@@4u2cre8 situation to situation, sure. To a degree I agree. But mostly “reasonable” isn’t all that subjective. People that try to justify stupidity or bad behavior try to use this cope all the time. If you walk into a room of fully dressed people and you are naked that is widely understood as inappropriate in every civilization. Not yelling in quiet places. Letting people finish their thoughts before responding. Cleaning up after you eat or make a mess. These things CAN be viewed as subjective I suppose but mostly REASONABLE & MATURE & INTERNALLY HEALED people definitely don’t. If you are broken and hurt and don’t know how to effectively communicate and interact with other adult humans, just say so.
As black women ran towards education, black men did the total opposite. My mother encouraged her children to get an education because she grew up in rural Mississippi and understood the value of an education. I wish other parents did the same.
Bc blm understand the education mean having debt and working for someone. So most go to trade school, military, work force or start their own business.
@@imlistening3689 that sounds good, but if you desire certain careers a higher education is a requirement. There is always a need for a plumber, electrician, landscaper etc, but there is also a need for a nurse, lawyer or pharmacist. These careers require you to have a formal education.
@playcousin5497 I'm talking abt careers blm trend to go in, not blw. If blw will stop competing with blm and learn how to wk with blm. Stop trying to make them think like blw.
@@imlistening3689 I’m not aware of a competition, just people making decisions on what they would like to be when they grow up and making it happen. My mother was a nurse and my father worked in the factory as a machine technician and there was no competition between them. My father was the head of the house. He paid all the bills except the phone bill because he didn’t use it. My mother paid the phone bill, insurance and for our clothes and school activities. We all attended college and through the grace of God and hard work, became successful including my brothers. My daddy told my brother he didn’t have education opportunities when he was growing up like the have now. He encouraged him to become a doctor because as a kid he loved science. Anyone can change their life in 4 years or 6 months with a college degree or an certification. Life is too short not to be happy.
The men aren't there. BW if you desire to be married and have a family you'll have to seek partnership outside of BM. The Black church needs the free talent, time and money of BW to keep the church running.
The problem is most other races of men don't want you. They will sleep with you but will not marry you. If you get another men from another race he will be low bottom. Until blk people understand blk people need each other
Agree! My successful black female friends cannot find any good BM in the church. One of them, two failed marriages later, I suggested dating outside of race but she refuses. She's decided to stay single now.
Why are men so concerned on a woman being single? It pains them because they can't do it. If you read the word everybody is not supposed to be married. Apostle Paul spoke on being single walking with the Lord. The obsession of marriage is starting to turn to Idolatry. desiring marriage is okay but I tell God if its not your will allow me to continue to live for you and still have a fulfilled beautiful life! Lets focus on the Lord and not on why people are single. Accept that His will is not the same for every person.
I don't understand it either. And in the Bible it says that is best to be single to have no distractions if you are doing the Lords work. It is so weird that a man thinks he knows more about and being a woman than a woman. No sir!
The average man is not for higher education especially for the wife. Remember that Good Times episode where Florida enrolled in classes and James was so unimpressed and intimidated by her but realized he was the problem.
The gas lighting is at Olympic levels. Didn’t one of these guys cheat on his wife and left her with 3 kids to primarily raise!!!??? The hypocrisy is disturbingly disgusting
A few single black men I work with has made it known that they don't date Black women. Out here in AZ I have seen most Black men with white or Latino women. Most black men that are with a black woman they moved here married or already in a relationship.
One of the biggest issues is when people male or female use God to hide behind, instead of seeking accountability, responsibility, healing and deliverance. You can only fake the funk for so long, The very God that you call yourself hiding behind will lift the curtain and expose you, for the hurt and harm you do to HIS people, for such a time is this💯💯🙌
My daughter is a straight A sophomore in college, she works on campus, involved in Christian clubs and active in her Church. Her college is a PWI and it’s a concerns for the sisters in Christ based on the statistics. I’m taking a sociology class on marriage and family, it says black women have few partners available to them due to system racism and lack of male leadership. The main issue I read and have experienced first hand is the generational curse of being a single mom. That God my daughter broke that curse.
Or why they like having sex with each other, and can’t stay out of jail, etc. I believe if the men would focus on helping the younger men and stop focusing on women the world would be a better place. Let women help other women and the men help other men.
Definitely women are more dependent on themselves, because we're finding men not honest and dependable. My mom (born 1927) always said if she could live her life over she wouldn't have gotten married.. ie she had her first son then his day went on to marry someone else. Her husband/dad to 3 children was having 3 children with another woman in the community, she said she made a decision to stay with him because of us kids. My grandad had 8 kids with grandma then went away with another woman, he returned home after having 3 kids by that woman 1 coming back with him to his martial home... My husband, father of our 4 kids just had short commitment span 😢, never truly dedicated to our marriage, instead jumping into as many bed as he was allowed... Eventually I left him.. He's never remarried, he's asked if I would have him back.. I refused as we had separated in the past for the same reason... There - not Christianity but the heart of our men are not focused on us
I have family members that have found good men. When will you ladies just admit that you ruined your own life. This is why many cultures don't allow ladies to pick their men. Because you all will blame society whether you picked your man or not. It sounds like you have generations of ladies who never taught each other how to pick a man.
Because they know they’d go into their self hate mode which will immediately and “justifiably” be dumped on the women panelist, with their competitive and dismissive perfected flair. For the people in the back pew, because they don’t want to know as it might cause a reshape in their narrative. 😮.
This is a conversation for black men. Your comment implies you wish a woman was there to sabotage the conversation and stop these men from being heard. lol The fact is, black women that are seeking marriage, are single because SHE HASNT BEEN CHOSEN! 🤷🏾♂️
I’m so tired of black women being vilified today for being single….the church didn’t hurt the women,the women have prepared for marriage. The issue is a lot of men are turning to men for romance and woman who is truly seeking God will never play second fiddle to that. The she, he and he is never going to fly! I was told by a father who had a healthy relationship with my mom who told me to have my own because he saw that black men in this country were deviating from normal tendencies.
Whew 🔥🔥🔥🔥 you better speak Truth today! “Do you know 10 single Christian black men that you could recommend today??” That’s so good. Let’s be honest as a community and fix this problem. I’m definitely opening my options.
It is very common for women to hear from their male friends/circle that they do not know anyone who they could/would recommend that the women should/could date. Conversely, woman will have someone she would like to recommend to male friends to date. Things that make you go hmmmm...
I'm so glad Black Christian men are starting to recognize this, because before we were told that we were complaining and just need to wait and serve the Lord.
It must pay well to degrade and talk about BW being educated and not married. Wouldn’t it be nice to see BM being highly educated and married.But that wouldn’t pay as much. SMH !
Why do I have to be open to other races when I desire a black man? Why can’t we hold black men accountable? We don’t impose these rules on anyone else but black women. Other races teach their boys that marriage is good and something they should aspire towards. And they aspire to be with their women. No other culture of women are told this type of philosophy. It’s so said😞 and this is why we are single. 😢
@@shaniharris4343 Exactly. If you're grown NOW, and want to marry black, you need to get to a city with some Africans. Waiting on black Americans is a gamble. God speed!
They want us to change but don't want to hold themselves accountable. Men need to have conversations with young men instead of telling the women to change.
This is sad 😔 we still here. I guess Ralph Richard Banks was right. Black women are going to have to date out or its gon be this same merry go round until you are past marrying age.
Men and women need to stop being so superficial and focus on the things that truly matter. The Bible says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When selecting for a mate, use the same measures as you would want used upon yourself. Desire what you will, but do not “expect” more than what someone can “expect” from you. Do not “expect” to land a SMV 10 if you yourself are not a 10. To do so is foolish. The Bible says to not be unevenly yoked. This is not exclusive to religious conviction but can be applied to other facets of life as well.
Remember in a lot of cases it's not black men, but the black men that these women "chose" over the one's they reject that lead to their "hurt". We must be accountable for the choices we make so we can learn from them going forward.
Two observations: As a woman who has been in church most of her adult life doing all the right things, I have to agree with these gentlemen (mind you, they have sisters and female friends that I am quite sure they have observed who are in this situation). I can only come to one conclusion!💴!! 95% of the congregation is educated women. So if you tell them what they want to hear to keep the cash flowing. (Basically pimping!) If the church actually cares, they would do a better job of preparing people by having ministries that actually cater to single people!! Everyday someone is committing suicide because they are lonely and lost. 2. There are no examples in leadership as many of us have pointed out (I. E. Jamal Bryant). The men have left the church and or are pushed out because if they are in there then they will start to question things and that can be a problem for some of these pastors (messing up their money). If the church actually had more examples that people can learn from, then maybe we wouldn’t be having this discussion!!
I attend a Christian church and there are a lot of single Black women and most of them have Advanced degrees. I think because of their Education they have become very picky and now most of them cannot even find a man in their late thirties early forties.
I pursued highly educated and career BW in the church looking back I think I was not ideal enough for them. From what I have seen they ended up married but much older.
If u single men or women and u go to church.if your pastor is not married and all his staff is not than i think the members will not seek to get married.because its not pushed.
Look let’s keep it real! We have problems with both men and women. Women are trying to impress or compete with someone else, some women have unrealistic standards and expectations, women listening to other women that are jealous of them and what they have, and lastly these unrealistic standards that social media tells women. Men just need to step up and be men, not bad men. But the man that want to work a job, not hood, willing to step up and take responsibility. Oh women need to take accountability
Why don't you ask why we're not married instead of having this conversation without a womens opinion. You're looking out of your eyes, not mine. I can serve the Lord without a husband, I didn't know I needed one, thanks
@10:40 That’s the disconnect and issue with the current day church essentially black men in the church. They ostracize men that don’t automatically align or see themselves in Christ right away. Isn’t that the purpose of being a witness according to scripture? And the next episode they will wonder why Hebrew Israelites have such a strong influence on Black Men… 🤦🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️
College degree or no college degree. It all boils down to what is it that she wants and does what she want wants her back. If what she wants don't want her back, then what is her plan B? The clock is ticking.
@10:14, NO Bro, they do think about that, depending on the particular pastor. If it's a concern, trust me, it is real. Sometimes it's not even about their pastor but A pastor they have in mind. You'll be surprised how many women watch young popular male pastors secretly attracted to them sexually, and these pastors know it.
However, all these non-Black communities strongly encourage keeping their communities cohesive via their churches, mosques, synagogues, temples. This is not so in the Black church environment.
Do y'all notice that everyone gives the "All Lives Matters" treatment to any conversation where women are the focal point of criticism? Why does everyone do this?
We have to remember Jesus' kingdom is not of this world. So until we're willing to rise to His standards for relationships, we can only expect more of the same or worse. We all have to renew our minds and be transformed, realizing our cultural relational ways are very small compared to Jesus' kingdom ways.
This is such a sad video to watch. Marriage is correlated to male economics. Majority of white and latino males are married due to being higher earners in contrast to black males. They have more opportunities and more readiness for family building in contrast to black males. Black males have the least economic opportunities and have the highest unemployment rate in the male group. Thus, their readiness for marriage is less likely, which puts Black women at a disadvantage. Black women are also the demographic in the group of women who are least likely to date outside their race. This combination is the reason. Research this, discuss economics, talk about that. This is not a Black woman's issue. This is an economic issue.
It’s a value system issue! The economic statistics are correct! Recognizing the systemic and economic disadvantages that black men have, the onus is on black women to see value in black men aside from their oppressive societal determined value. Black women don’t want, love or respect black men
Are you serious? Why would a man speak his piece on how he THINKS about what a women want? You are the problem. Why don't you and the men hush/listen to what a women who knows more about being a WOMAN speak. Just delete the comment sir.
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Honestly as a single black woman l believe we could look at multiple reasons for why some of us may still be single. I do wish that our culture would stop talking about it as if something is innately wrong with us for being single. It can sometimes feel like we are being indicted for something that we may or may not be able to control. There are alot of us who go to churches where women overwhelmingly outnumber the men in membership. Imagine so many women desiring marriage with a very small pool of men to pick from within the church because there just aren't that many men there. We also have to consider are we ready to be married mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Yes l say financially because it takes money to run a household and to take care of children so l applaud both black men and women who have higher education and have created a stable life for themselves before marriage. Even if you created a stable life for yourself just through hard work bravo to you because it's going to make it easier stepping into marriage. When did we as a culture start vilifying people getting an education? It was all everybody use to talk about in the past but now we claim it's what's holding women back. If you are not using education, money, or status to act like you don't want anyone why is it a problem? You can be loving, respectful, truly value men and be educated. ❤ 🙏
ROI is often overlooked. The only storyline is Boaz. Helping is frowned upon when realistically 2 is better than 1. How about we start examining the whole book for ex. Abigail was wise and saw the King in David while he struggled in the wilderness. Her act of kindness saved her husband at the time and caused David to recognize something in her. At the appropriate time he sent for her to become his wife. Just know there are men of God on the grind trying to get in position. Smiles, words, and faith may return you a great husband when you least expect it. Be blessed
@sarahjackson1897 I love your comment but I think the conversation is missing something. First, there’s a toxic mashup of dysfunction and truth at play that’s making black coupling more difficult than it should be and both BM and BW are complicit. This idea that it’s the advanced degrees that are making BW difficult to date simply isn’t true. It seems to be the personality types of *some* of the BW that seek advanced degrees that poses a problem - not the degrees or professional achievements. I believe, for BW, there’s expectation that achievement would make high achieving men available to you and that candidates for dating must meet unrealistic criteria. Whereas men, high achieving or not, aren’t choosing women based on BW meeting similar earnings/lifestyle/access criteria, religious requirements, height requirements. Most BM do get that there’s a responsibility that comes with success while most BW seem to assume entitlement with it. For BW’s part, the angry, combative BW meme is a thing. It wouldn’t work as a meme if it weren’t and it to is a problem. For our part, BM have been showing increasing toxicity and warped expectations since the rise of this black pill (or is it red pill) and, we too are still most plagued with the burden of being black in the world. Negative stereotypes placed on us are often lived out by us too. We also carry the pressures of what men are expected to be and it can bring challenges when our mates are the higher earners. Some of us do have antiquated ideas of gender roles that don’t jibe with our economic realities and are too insecure to keep company with women that bring more successful than we do. I know they exist. Honestly though, I don’t know those brothers.
@@t.breeze8659 As a woman l do thank you for sharing your point of view from a man's perspective. I so understand where you are coming from and l do believe there are some women who feel that way. We gotta make sure that we as believers are not using the same standards the world uses in determining who we should date and marry. We gotta make sure we are not applying the world's standards to our dating life and yet expecting a spiritually healthy outcome. I do believe the world's mentality concerning dating has greatly influenced the church and we are seeing the consequences of it.
@@Good-o7yYou hit the nail on the head!
@@t.breeze8659Well said! As a black man, in my experience it’s not insecurity that prevents BM’s from pursuing or dating the BW’s that may be more educated or have more financial success, on the contrary BM have a higher sense of self worth that conflicts with the intrinsic value those particular BW & society at large has subjugated us to. We all know the black plight, struggle and the many facets of the effects of it. It’s taboo to acknowledge that black men are the lowest on the on the oppression totem pole. Simply mentioning it is anti-bw and shamed. lol Love/Relationship’s is the only capacity where black men have a choice in how they are treated, valued or viewed in their lives. There’s simply no incentive for BM to go where they don’t feel valued or loved.
Being a strong black woman is nothing new. My grandfather told his daughters in the 60s to get an education and be able to take care of themselves because men come and go.
My daddy told me the same thing……God rest his soul. I’m retired 😊.
Serious question, how many of them are currently content/happy in their marriage?
@@robinnewton1061but you have no man
Black woman in her 60's here. I grew up in L.A. and none of the successful, educated BM wanted a long term relationship with me. One black male told me that if I didn't have money or looked like a model I was out of luck. So being an equal opportunity dater, I dated outside of my race and ended up marrying a white man. We're still together 32 years later.
Said the man who cheated on his ex-wife, a former first lady, with other women in the church, left her with three children to raise alone, and isn't he engaged, or something like that??? Why is he worried about single women???
Right. He can solve this mystery by looking in the mirror.
Christopher Wray
Because he's jealous.
Exactly but they are going to skip right past that
She divorced him.And he takes care of his children. thank you.
No. If I'm single, I want all of you to stay out my business
Men always say women overlook all of these great men. But when asked if they would recommend a woman date any of their single male friends they always say ABSOLUTELY NOT because they know how toxic they are. So if men can't find any decent, dateable single men to be friends with what makes them think women can find them to date?
What great men are they talking about? Do they date them and sleep with them?
Lol
I'm so tired of hearing about Black women be single because we choose to enrich our lives through education. Black men need to get on board and set THEIR OWN GOALS!!
THANK YOU. I'm so sick of this subject especially with black men using it as fodder for their topics of discussion or social media channels. No one person can speak for all single people. Some of us are single because we choose to be. Why can't people understand that and leave it alone? They need to stop clumping all single women together too. Some want marriage, some don't. Simple. Maybe if we start asking them why they aren't married, they'll leave it alone.
As long as people keep watching this stuff and feeding it they are going to keep their platform. Everyone is diagnosing BW while they are popping their collar thinking they are better. It’s sickening.
yup mad cuz women don’t have to be co dependent on them anymore
I so agree.
Well then stop following these kinds of podcasts.
We are still missing the boat on this topic and really it is because we try to over complicate a topic or we are just are not listening to each… or both…
1.) A black woman that is educated is simply that. Education has been encouraged in the black community for years. Why? Because people died for the rights to read, vote, and excel. My grandparents and parents (married until death) both encouraged education and the ability to be able to sustain yourself as an adult.
2.) There are seasons for everything. This assumption that men and women will get married, have the kids, the house, the career by 28 -30 is crazy. God continues to prove that he runs this and everyone’s story and love story will look different. Some will get married at 30 and others 50. As long as it is healthy no one cares, or should care.
3.) Many marriages were a necessity especially for women and men before the 70s. Women could not get much at all in their names, and if they did it did not come hassle-free.
4.) Marriage values and what that should look like starts at HOME, not the church. Yes the church plays a big role in developing people to their highest potential and their walk with God, but when a baby is born (most of the time) that child goes home with the parent. They are not dropped off at the church. Those values have to be instilled at an early age.
5.) Yes the time has passed for relationships to just be an exchange. I pay the bills you do everything else. Marriage was never supposed to be that way. Both individuals have to communicate properly and depend on each which takes selfless and a healthy adult mindset.
It’s not the church hurt people in the area of relationships, but we live in a world that wants to do everything out of order first, and this happens even in the church with no correction.
Bottom line it is not the church’s fault that successful women are single. There are sooooooo many other simple factors and some are not negative.
Preach! You can add that the most dangerous place for a married woman is her home. More black women are killed by their husband and / partner than anyone else. It is and has always been more dangerous for a married black women. My best friend was murdered (stabbed to death) by her Husband leaving behind a 2yr & 9yr old!
@LoveandJustice2 please stop with this narrative. The Color Purple . Blw hate to lesson
Caption said "educated" not "successful". The two are not equivalent
Why aren't they speaking with women?
Darned if you do, darned if you don’t. Aim high, it’s a problem, don’t aim too high, still a problem
Do you boo. Only u know what you need and desire. Outsiders speculate. All truth resides in self. Peace, love and light.
It’s called being “reasonable”. That’s the middle part you are thinking about. It was right there on the tip of your tongue😂😂😂It’s not some unicorn concept or ideology. Why does this mentality allude so many modern woman🤦🏾♂️
@@TerezTakez "Reasonable" is subjective and varies depending on the persons involved or the situation.
@@4u2cre8 situation to situation, sure. To a degree I agree. But mostly “reasonable” isn’t all that subjective. People that try to justify stupidity or bad behavior try to use this cope all the time. If you walk into a room of fully dressed people and you are naked that is widely understood as inappropriate in every civilization. Not yelling in quiet places. Letting people finish their thoughts before responding. Cleaning up after you eat or make a mess. These things CAN be viewed as subjective I suppose but mostly REASONABLE & MATURE & INTERNALLY HEALED people definitely don’t. If you are broken and hurt and don’t know how to effectively communicate and interact with other adult humans, just say so.
@@TerezTakez None of your examples are reasonable or subjective so I have no clue why you're applying them to this convo.
As black women ran towards education, black men did the total opposite. My mother encouraged her children to get an education because she grew up in rural Mississippi and understood the value of an education. I wish other parents did the same.
Bc blm understand the education mean having debt and working for someone. So most go to trade school, military, work force or start their own business.
@@imlistening3689 that sounds good, but if you desire certain careers a higher education is a requirement. There is always a need for a plumber, electrician, landscaper etc, but there is also a need for a nurse, lawyer or pharmacist. These careers require you to have a formal education.
@playcousin5497 I'm talking abt careers blm trend to go in, not blw. If blw will stop competing with blm and learn how to wk with blm. Stop trying to make them think like blw.
@@imlistening3689 I’m not aware of a competition, just people making decisions on what they would like to be when they grow up and making it happen. My mother was a nurse and my father worked in the factory as a machine technician and there was no competition between them. My father was the head of the house. He paid all the bills except the phone bill because he didn’t use it. My mother paid the phone bill, insurance and for our clothes and school activities. We all attended college and through the grace of God and hard work, became successful including my brothers. My daddy told my brother he didn’t have education opportunities when he was growing up like the have now. He encouraged him to become a doctor because as a kid he loved science. Anyone can change their life in 4 years or 6 months with a college degree or an certification. Life is too short not to be happy.
I am so tired of single and divorced pastors trying to advise single black women. We don't come to church for that!
The men aren't there. BW if you desire to be married and have a family you'll have to seek partnership outside of BM. The Black church needs the free talent, time and money of BW to keep the church running.
The problem is most other races of men don't want you. They will sleep with you but will not marry you. If you get another men from another race he will be low bottom. Until blk people understand blk people need each other
Agree! My successful black female friends cannot find any good BM in the church. One of them, two failed marriages later, I suggested dating outside of race but she refuses. She's decided to stay single now.
Why are men so concerned on a woman being single? It pains them because they can't do it. If you read the word everybody is not supposed to be married. Apostle Paul spoke on being single walking with the Lord. The obsession of marriage is starting to turn to Idolatry. desiring marriage is okay but I tell God if its not your will allow me to continue to live for you and still have a fulfilled beautiful life! Lets focus on the Lord and not on why people are single. Accept that His will is not the same for every person.
You are so right. There are always a group of men sitting around whining about black women being single. Single BLACK WOMEN SEEMS TO BE QUITE HAPPY!
I don't understand it either. And in the Bible it says that is best to be single to have no distractions if you are doing the Lords work. It is so weird that a man thinks he knows more about and being a woman than a woman. No sir!
The Bible also says no sex(fornication) of any kind before marriage. Why don't we live by that?
I think men are just starting to recognize that this is an issue.
@@joymosley8997An issue for who?
The average man is not for higher education especially for the wife. Remember that Good Times episode where Florida enrolled in classes and James was so unimpressed and intimidated by her but realized he was the problem.
The gas lighting is at Olympic levels. Didn’t one of these guys cheat on his wife and left her with 3 kids to primarily raise!!!???
The hypocrisy is disturbingly disgusting
Whoa. If that's true that's a shame
I think you have the wrong podcast. Lol.
@@DJQuoteChrist really, why do you say that? I'm very curious!
@@lolabrownphd the early comment mentioned one of the guys cheating on their wives. I’m letting you know that wasn’t these guys.
@@DJQuoteChrist got it 👍
A few single black men I work with has made it known that they don't date Black women. Out here in AZ I have seen most Black men with white or Latino women. Most black men that are with a black woman they moved here married or already in a relationship.
One of the biggest issues is when people male or female use God to hide behind, instead of seeking accountability, responsibility, healing and deliverance. You can only fake the funk for so long, The very God that you call yourself hiding behind will lift the curtain and expose you, for the hurt and harm you do to HIS people, for such a time is this💯💯🙌
My daughter is a straight A sophomore in college, she works on campus, involved in Christian clubs and active in her Church. Her college is a PWI and it’s a concerns for the sisters in Christ based on the statistics. I’m taking a sociology class on marriage and family, it says black women have few partners available to them due to system racism and lack of male leadership. The main issue I read and have experienced first hand is the generational curse of being a single mom. That God my daughter broke that curse.
Can yall speak about why these black men are killing these black women?
Or why they like having sex with each other, and can’t stay out of jail, etc. I believe if the men would focus on helping the younger men and stop focusing on women the world would be a better place. Let women help other women and the men help other men.
Definitely women are more dependent on themselves, because we're finding men not honest and dependable. My mom (born 1927) always said if she could live her life over she wouldn't have gotten married.. ie she had her first son then his day went on to marry someone else. Her husband/dad to 3 children was having 3 children with another woman in the community, she said she made a decision to stay with him because of us kids. My grandad had 8 kids with grandma then went away with another woman, he returned home after having 3 kids by that woman 1 coming back with him to his martial home... My husband, father of our 4 kids just had short commitment span 😢, never truly dedicated to our marriage, instead jumping into as many bed as he was allowed... Eventually I left him.. He's never remarried, he's asked if I would have him back.. I refused as we had separated in the past for the same reason... There - not Christianity but the heart of our men are not focused on us
I have family members that have found good men. When will you ladies just admit that you ruined your own life. This is why many cultures don't allow ladies to pick their men. Because you all will blame society whether you picked your man or not. It sounds like you have generations of ladies who never taught each other how to pick a man.
Great show gang!!❤
I really wish you Guys had Women on the panel, conversations are always about people not in the room. ALWAYS!!, no matter the discussion.
Because they know they’d go into their self hate mode which will immediately and “justifiably” be dumped on the women panelist, with their competitive and dismissive perfected flair. For the people in the back pew, because they don’t want to know as it might cause a reshape in their narrative. 😮.
This is a conversation for black men. Your comment implies you wish a woman was there to sabotage the conversation and stop these men from being heard. lol The fact is, black women that are seeking marriage, are single because SHE HASNT BEEN CHOSEN! 🤷🏾♂️
I’m so tired of black women being vilified today for being single….the church didn’t hurt the women,the women have prepared for marriage. The issue is a lot of men are turning to men for romance and woman who is truly seeking God will never play second fiddle to that. The she, he and he is never going to fly! I was told by a father who had a healthy relationship with my mom who told me to have my own because he saw that black men in this country were deviating from normal tendencies.
Thanks Doc. May the LORD keep blessing you & yours!!!!!!!
THE FOCUS should be on finding a mate who LOVES GOD FIRST & FOREMOST.
What is this discussion about, worldliness?
The secular world sold Black women these things, (BET, OWN, social media, etc) not the "black church".
Facts
Whew 🔥🔥🔥🔥 you better speak Truth today! “Do you know 10 single Christian black men that you could recommend today??” That’s so good. Let’s be honest as a community and fix this problem. I’m definitely opening my options.
America is just like Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham couldn't find 10 righteous men either. 😔
I sincerely hope you were joking when you referred to him as your favorite pastor.
It is very common for women to hear from their male friends/circle that they do not know anyone who they could/would recommend that the women should/could date. Conversely, woman will have someone she would like to recommend to male friends to date. Things that make you go hmmmm...
Wolf in sheep's clothing that has no business preaching God's word.
In my church assembly the few single men lack initiative in going after women; they literally want to be pursued by women and that is extremely weak.
I'm so glad Black Christian men are starting to recognize this, because before we were told that we were complaining and just need to wait and serve the Lord.
Right kingdom love ❤️ love that !
Always criticizing the black woman looking down on us. He can't give advice to anyone after what he did!!!!!
It must pay well to degrade and talk about BW being educated and not married. Wouldn’t it be nice to see BM being highly educated and married.But that wouldn’t pay as much. SMH !
Why do I have to be open to other races when I desire a black man? Why can’t we hold black men accountable? We don’t impose these rules on anyone else but black women. Other races teach their boys that marriage is good and something they should aspire towards. And they aspire to be with their women. No other culture of women are told this type of philosophy. It’s so said😞 and this is why we are single. 😢
This May work for the next generation. .. if you're already of age like 40....
@@shaniharris4343 Exactly. If you're grown NOW, and want to marry black, you need to get to a city with some Africans. Waiting on black Americans is a gamble. God speed!
They want us to change but don't want to hold themselves accountable. Men need to have conversations with young men instead of telling the women to change.
@@BearingMySeoul Please stop referring to Black Americans as if we’re tainted. What a disgusting perspective.
This is sad 😔 we still here. I guess Ralph Richard Banks was right. Black women are going to have to date out or its gon be this same merry go round until you are past marrying age.
Men and women need to stop being so superficial and focus on the things that truly matter. The Bible says to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. When selecting for a mate, use the same measures as you would want used upon yourself. Desire what you will, but do not “expect” more than what someone can “expect” from you. Do not “expect” to land a SMV 10 if you yourself are not a 10. To do so is foolish. The Bible says to not be unevenly yoked. This is not exclusive to religious conviction but can be applied to other facets of life as well.
Remember in a lot of cases it's not black men, but the black men that these women "chose" over the one's they reject that lead to their "hurt". We must be accountable for the choices we make so we can learn from them going forward.
Two observations:
As a woman who has been in church most of her adult life doing all the right things, I have to agree with these gentlemen (mind you, they have sisters and female friends that I am quite sure they have observed who are in this situation). I can only come to one conclusion!💴!! 95% of the congregation is educated women. So if you tell them what they want to hear to keep the cash flowing. (Basically pimping!)
If the church actually cares, they would do a better job of preparing people by having ministries that actually cater to single people!! Everyday someone is committing suicide because they are lonely and lost.
2. There are no examples in leadership as many of us have pointed out (I. E. Jamal Bryant). The men have left the church and or are pushed out because if they are in there then they will start to question things and that can be a problem for some of these pastors (messing up their money). If the church actually had more examples that people can learn from, then maybe we wouldn’t be having this discussion!!
None of that helps if there is no black men in the congregation. Date out (race wise).
I attend a Christian church and there are a lot of single Black women and most of them have Advanced degrees. I think because of their Education they have become very picky and now most of them cannot even find a man in their late thirties early forties.
@@ReneeDeane Still causes the downfall of the Black church…they’re not going to encourage dating out.
I pursued highly educated and career BW in the church looking back I think I was not ideal enough for them. From what I have seen they ended up married but much older.
Good and fair conversation without being mean spirited
2:07 that’s true
what's the willie lynch letter contribution in all this???
Passport Bros and SYSBM for the win 🏆 🌍✈️😎
On preparation: this past Sunday the pastor went on a tangent about the reason women are single is because I don't wear makeup.
Yes they do think that they want a man like the pastor … but women may not see their flaws❤
If u single men or women and u go to church.if your pastor is not married and all his staff is not than i think the members will not seek to get married.because its not pushed.
What churches do they go to in Atlanta?I’m 26 single disciple for Jesus Christ
🦋🦋🦋WOULD FOLLOWING UP ON THE MILLION MAN MARCH HAVE HELPED?🦋🦋🦋
Make sure your list is reflective ❤of god’s list for you… love that ❤
Look let’s keep it real! We have problems with both men and women. Women are trying to impress or compete with someone else, some women have unrealistic standards and expectations, women listening to other women that are jealous of them and what they have, and lastly these unrealistic standards that social media tells women. Men just need to step up and be men, not bad men. But the man that want to work a job, not hood, willing to step up and take responsibility. Oh women need to take accountability
Why don't you ask why we're not married instead of having this conversation without a womens opinion. You're looking out of your eyes, not mine. I can serve the Lord without a husband, I didn't know I needed one, thanks
@10:40 That’s the disconnect and issue with the current day church essentially black men in the church. They ostracize men that don’t automatically align or see themselves in Christ right away. Isn’t that the purpose of being a witness according to scripture? And the next episode they will wonder why Hebrew Israelites have such a strong influence on Black Men… 🤦🏿♂️🤷🏿♂️
We are men I agree with some not all the Bible says women for men not men for women we are leaders and women should be prepared for Us!
If he is the option, I would stay single too.
College degree or no college degree. It all boils down to what is it that she wants and does what she want wants her back. If what she wants don't want her back, then what is her plan B? The clock is ticking.
This cheater?
@10:14, NO Bro, they do think about that, depending on the particular pastor. If it's a concern, trust me, it is real. Sometimes it's not even about their pastor but A pastor they have in mind. You'll be surprised how many women watch young popular male pastors secretly attracted to them sexually, and these pastors know it.
However, all these non-Black communities strongly encourage keeping their communities cohesive via their churches, mosques, synagogues, temples. This is not so in the Black church environment.
Do y'all notice that everyone gives the "All Lives Matters" treatment to any conversation where women are the focal point of criticism? Why does everyone do this?
...The church does do that tbh..😮
I man who dont have discipline cant tell me not a thing.
Most blwin this comment section is hurt bc they don't like the true. When it is told to them they gas light. With keep the. In the same losing pattern
Too many requirements from both sides 😢.
5:43 ding ding ding that's it!
We have to remember Jesus' kingdom is not of this world. So until we're willing to rise to His standards for relationships, we can only expect more of the same or worse. We all have to renew our minds and be transformed, realizing our cultural relational ways are very small compared to Jesus' kingdom ways.
This is such a sad video to watch. Marriage is correlated to male economics. Majority of white and latino males are married due to being higher earners in contrast to black males. They have more opportunities and more readiness for family building in contrast to black males. Black males have the least economic opportunities and have the highest unemployment rate in the male group. Thus, their readiness for marriage is less likely, which puts Black women at a disadvantage. Black women are also the demographic in the group of women who are least likely to date outside their race. This combination is the reason. Research this, discuss economics, talk about that. This is not a Black woman's issue. This is an economic issue.
It’s a value system issue! The economic statistics are correct! Recognizing the systemic and economic disadvantages that black men have, the onus is on black women to see value in black men aside from their oppressive societal determined value. Black women don’t want, love or respect black men
In the comments, I read women ask..."why aren't they talking to women?" When are you womenl gone hush/listen and let men speak their piece? When?
Are you serious? Why would a man speak his piece on how he THINKS about what a women want? You are the problem. Why don't you and the men hush/listen to what a women who knows more about being a WOMAN speak. Just delete the comment sir.
PLEASE DO NOT ADD FEMALES ONTO THIS SHOW 😂
🤮