Note - idk if I miscommunicated or a few misunderstood. Mentioning the cold sore and explaining isn’t the issue, that’s fair and responsible. That being said, I don’t think mentioning it multiple times is necessary. The real point though is if you like someone and the connection is there, a cold sore likely wouldn’t stand in the way of the relationship.
@@1a2b3c4d2847 curious because cold sores are typically herpes simplex 1. The most common and benign form of herpes. 50-80% of Americans have it. Not to mention " At least 70% of the population shed HSV-1 asymptomatically at least once a month" (national library of medicine, Craig S Miller et al.) Since I can't link things there's that. I can bet you money you've been with someone with herpes and didn't realize. Now if we're talking about genital herpes I'll give you that. But simple cold sores of the mouth don't impact meaningful relationships. It's about management and know when to avoid oral contact with your partner. Avoid oral sex when someone has HSV-1 that can actually cause genital herpes. But it'll still be HSV-1 instead of 2. Which is the more malignant of the two.
Blame all the lame media cuz lately ready 2 glare I see not but ridiculous horrible sex escorting offers all over the yt , TikTok, especially telegram omg very bad there, fb marketplace, fb itself and discord and more .I had to delete telegram and other apps it gotten that bad .now I just view yt streamers hoping to find good content and new friends.only thing bad is on yt that many new comers are subscribing begging each other posting there links so viewers can sub for sub .I find that ridiculously unearn , untalented and unlegit way to get followers.
@@1a2b3c4d2847 not sure if you're being sarcastic, but cold sores are temporary and totally go away. Would be silly to have something like a cold sore get in the way tbh...
Yes. In her mind she believes she is looking out for her best interest by applying such strict rules and expectations with little to no room for compromise. There is a point where flexibility is not only appropriate, but necessary if one truly wishes to find a life partner.
It’s funny I’m older….yes we still wait. Why? Because men seem to run if we show too much “interest”. I wish I could be as positive as you!! But at 53….I’ve learned the hard way 😢all the men I “worked” for showed more interest etc in? Ended up as disasters or then I was lovebombed….and that was a disaster. Men don’t put effort in anymore and we get a bit worn out! She’s got some points here
"It's so unfair he is unforgiving of one flaw" ..... meanwhile she just told us she couldn't forgive the last guy not messaging repeatedly when she was the one who didn't respond.
They were not just kissing on those 15 hour dates.... I reckon the guy googled something specific regarding oral.... That girl is nasty if she thinks it's harmless to have a cold sore and spread it to other people
He showed her that he's not interested and she rightfully ran. This is how single mother's are made, by desperate women chasing men who don't want them If a man is putting no effort then he doesn't want you, and you need to drop him.
Dude SO much. I am terrified but I know I dated years ago with success but I've grown up so much since then & changed & just too nervous and unsure about it 🥲 ofcourse everything has to be extra hard mode/difficulty for us sometimes
@@sanecatlady I totally feel for you. I have dated two women with BPD. The first refused to get treatment and was a literal nightmare. Worst GF ever. The second, I not only dated but eventually lived with. She was getting treatment for it, and the BPD was essentially a non-issue. She also had Dissociative Identity Disorder though, which was NOT well treated. It was VERY difficult to live with. And ultimately was the cause of our breakup.
Question if you do not mind. Not meaning to pry. One of my closest friends in on the autistic spectrum, and he has no experience in the dating world, but wants to. Right now he's hitting a few road blocks, the first is that he (in my own opinion) is too harsh on himself. He does not feel that he looks like a catch to a partner(he's bi which is why I did not specify a gender). He says that he wants to lose more weight in particular. He says he can not even try to ask anyone out before he does that. He is SOOO lonely, and we talk about this topic often, but he just will not budge. When we first met he was on at least two dating websites with no success, so he quit those. I have tried to tell him that he looks so much better than MANY of the men out there, and that a potential partner would not have issue. ANYWAY.... You said "it's hard enough" when referencing dating. Does that mean that you have had any success at all? And if so, what guidance can I perhaps offer my friend?
Wow, I can't believe she has a hard time finding partners, she seems so low-maintenance. /s Edit: OH that cold-sore thing definitely sounds like self-sabotage. The fact that she mentioned it a bunch of times and then made sure to tell him it's herpes sounds like she was hoping it would scare him off. She's the one who made it weird.
@ville__if you gotta say it, your shit is trash. Also, your account doesn't even have content. (At least, that's what TH-cam says when I view your channel.)
It certainly sounds like she mentioned it on purpose. Dude definitely heard herpes and freaked, but she could have explained it as not, you know, _that_ kind of herpes.
Tbf that's actually the thing I have respect for her for. Telling him she has Cold Sores which is herpes. I know I would be furious if I was with someone that had a contagious condition, no matter how small, and they didn't inform me and give it too me. Especially one that's in the herpes group, yes it's not like the other kinds of herpes but it doesn't matter it doesn't sound good to have explain to a future partner if the relationship doesn't work. Everything else though.... Yeah she's wild. But that point I'm glad she did and can respect the fact she explained what it was.
@@thebloodyenglish6620Nah, mentioning it once is totally normal, and I agree I would rather be informed. BUT she apparently mentioned it SEVERAL times which is really weird. Like what kind of response was she looking for?
That girl sounds insufferable, honestly. She’s looking for issues that don’t exist. Thank god I’m out of the dating game. Never followed any rules and found the love of my life
not dating right now feels like being far enough away from a truly fucked trench war that the shells can't hit you but you're still close enough to occasionally see people come back from the front, shocked and broken...
How rich of her to say it's a red flag if someone can't look past one flaw when she thinks everything about that first guy was so unacceptable, and the things he didn't weren't even flaws, just things that could be easily communicated about like Guilia said
I'm not really in tune with women her type. I mean more power to her but her type is very much the plastics, the six chicks, pretty much the "queen bee" of every highschool bully that hasn't changed, just got older.
She's simply not doing herself any favors lol like clearly she has a lot of work to do with herself if she's setting these sky scraper high standards for her partners
Wow!!!! If you think asking for the bare minimum is skyrocket high then you really need to check your priorities. He's obviously not interested in her and he's wasting her time. I know that if he was interested in her then he would have picked the restaurant's and he would have made the effort to keep in contact with her. I'm glad that the woman knew her worth and dropped him. She dropped him so she can keep her self open for the next man who will play no games and come correct. This is how dating a man should look like if you want to avoid becoming a baby momma. This man would probably run if he got her pregnant and I'm glad that she dumped him.
@@winning3329Different woman have different expectations and standards. Whether her standards are reasonable or not isn’t even relevant if she doesn’t bother to communicate them. How can a man meet an expectation that he doesn’t even know exists? She’s the one playing games and arbitrarily “testing” him. There was literally no way for him to understand what her problem was if he can’t read her mind!
@@brokebaddieboutique as a woman in a long-term relationship with a man who does go above and beyond for me, I 100% agree with this. It’s not going to be perfect at the start or even ever, but with time and effort, you can get pretty damn close. Relationships take work from both sides. She didn’t try at all from what I saw. Some men deserve that effort at the start, too.
@winning3329 I'm all in when it comes to the whole "woman deserve more than the bare minimum" but this guy wasn't a shitty dude not trying hard enough. Dating is difficult enough. This woman wasn't communicating at all and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have guessed what she wanted if I was in his place. I do pretty much all when it comes to planing dates or cleaning the house in my relationship, but I'm only able to do that if I know what my girlfriend wants from me or what she likes, because people can't read minds. It's insane to expect someone, regardless of their gender, to be able to automatically know what you want. And considering they don't know each other that well, it's also insane to expect him to automatically know what she likes. He responded to her texts and she didn't continue to talk. And I pretty much feel this dude. Because imagine you meet an amazing woman, you like her and you don't want to f up. I would act the same: keep it light hearted, be nice, give her the space to put into the conversation what she wants to do or say... he seems more like he's actually pretty respectful. And yes it's sometimes frustrating when you give a date/partner clues and they don't pick up on what you want (my gf has autism, so she is really bad at this) but most of the time this could be solved with open conversations, what she obviously did not do or even intend. I think it's a pretty complicated topic psychologically speaking, that's why I wanted to reply, I just think that sometimes the situation is more difficult than "the man is bad, it's his fault"...
I don't think this new generation of extreme standards is even about having standards. It's a thinly veiled reject them before they can reject me. A way to feel in control. True intimacy requires a level of vulnerability, so they are sadly missing on a real connection, while hiding behind ridiculous standards, that are just rebranded insecurity.
Yeah, I’m 46 and several of the women i grew up with who acted like they just had these reasonably high standards for themselves are now alone and childless, not by choice. I watched them burn through good men over the years who just weren’t absolutely perfect in their eyes so they got kicked to the curb. I have a cousin who broke up with a guy who adored her just to make him beg for her back because she didn’t feel “appreciated” enough (appreciate for what??), and the guy just moved on and never tried to get her back. She was dumbfounded and thought for months that he’d come crawling back with flowers at any moment. You dumped him out of nowhere. He probably f’ing hates you now. 🤦🏻♀️
OK.. all of her expectations are totally reasonable IF SHE COMMUNICATES THEM. They're specific, and we men don't necessarily mind an opinionated girl. I myself like it actually, it saves a lot of time and strengthens the friendship (which is underrated and so important in an SO). However, this technique of actually expecting mind-reading and being mad or judgemental about the result is top three red flags. I was thinking it before you interjected the first time, Giulia. Even the initial communication was unnecessarily oblique.
@@brokebaddieboutique right? She was able to communicate to the video, so why not be clear with the guy? Most likely when you say what you want upfront, or what's going on up front they usually do the same
Hey, person with Herpes here🙋♀️There's a huge stigma behind it and it is a STD so you have to disclose it to whoever you're dating begorw anything physical happens So it actually would'nt suprise me if he didn't want to continue dating as soon as she mentioned the word Herpes. But yes honestly she seems like a annoying human when it comes to dating so he may have just not seen her as worth it lol.
The stigma is super dumb and there’s so much misinformation about it. I have type 1 genitally, received it from someone who was asymptomatic and didn’t know he had it. It’s so common and I have very mild symptoms, rarely. That said it’s important to disclose.
@@marzgirl99 I have type 1 genitally and recieved it in the same way. I've only ever had one outbreak which was the first one in 2021. It sucks that I've had to adjust the way I date ect. There's always the fear of disclosing as when you like someone you of course don't want to lose them but it is apart of it when you have this affliction. I overhear people make herpes jokes and it cuts deeply but like stated there is so much stigma that comes with it and alot of misinformed jokes come along with it also perpetuating the misinformation. The dating sites for people like us SUCKS too which makes dating even harder. It is what it is but still frustrating.
@@orania8033 I started having symptoms and tested positive a few months after I started dating my current bf so I didn’t have to have “the talk” with him until later in our relationship. I guess I’m pretty fortunate.
This is bonkers. "The Dutch aye" "Sure, shall I book it? What time suits?" 🤷🏻♀️ I do think being rejected for a cold sore is bizarre but I suspect he just sussed out she's hard fucking work and dipped.
I wonder if it's from a controlling aspect. Like her waiting for you to mess up so she can shove it in your face and have you apologize. Feels narcissistic lol
I agree that this person seems to get in her way in dating. But i don't agree that her mentioning her cold sore a few times was self sabotage. I get cold sores semi regularly, and it can be embarrassing. Especially because it's super contagious and gross looking. If i had a date where the guy was trying to kiss me or be up in my face a lot, i would probably mention the cold sore a few times as well. There are some people that don't understand what cold sores are, and when they hear its a herpes virus, they immediately have a bad view of you. I've experienced this a few times.
yes i absolutely hear you on this. it's pretty responsible of her to mention it since one was actively coming on, but it's also true people get so squeamish when it genuinely is extremely common
It's totally fair to mention a cold sore, so they can avoid making contact with it, but mentioning it more than once (unless he keeps trying to kiss you??) is weird. But I agree with Guilia that I don't think the cold sore was actually the problem.
I used to want every date planned to a T a week before, exact times, everything planned out. But then I met my partner five years ago who had great communication but was very “we’ll see on the day” kinda person. At first I was like I dunno if I can do this…. But I’m so damn glad I gave them a go because 5 years later we’re still together, incredibly happy and everyone says how good we are together! I’ve learnt to loosen up a bit too 😂
Yeah, I feel you. I've been in the same relationship since 2008 and I can't fathom trying to date in 2024. I'd basically become a monk if our relationship ended for any reason.
@@winning3329I used to be one of those people who was always in a relationship - I was in back to back relationships for 15 years without more than a month between them. When my last relationship ended I was relieved but also a little lost. It took some time but I finally learned to enjoy my own company and independence, which was some pretty awesome growth for lil co-dependent me. I was actually excited to be on my own indefinitely. Well, after a few years, without looking, a guy who I got along with really well happened into my life and now we're together. I feel like I'm betraying single me, lol. However, I think knowing that I don't NEED a man anymore makes me a better partner. I don't crumble under the pressure of pleasing my partner anymore, I'm not afraid to communicate in any way, I don't question my wants/needs and my love for him is more pure. It also allowed time for someone who is actually right for me to come along. Anyway, my point is this is such an important milestone to get to because whether you end up on your own or with someone, you will be happy either way. Best wishes and never stop chasing happiness 💜😘
I've been in the same relationship for going on 14 years this July and if we broke up for whatever reason, I would probably never date again. Hook up with people for a good time, yes. But date, hell no!
I took a lot of initiative in the relationship with my husband, and it didn't turn him away! He matched my initiation as well, we both equally invested in each other from the start. I agree with you that the self imposed dating "rules" people put on themselves are completely unnecessary! Especially stuff like "don't text too often" "don't text first" "don't show too much interest" etc etc. :P With the right person, none of those are going to matter.
Most people who get cold sores get their initial infection as toddlers - when we put everything in our mouths, especially if we are in childcare with a bunch of other germy kids.
Ngl i don’t think it’s unreasonable to reject someone because they have cold sores. Yes most people have them but cold sores are caused by herpes, it’s okay to not want to transmit herpes
Herpes in general is not as serious at it's made out to be. Most people have it and most of the time you don't have any symptoms. There's a lot of fearmongering about STIs, that's why people have these misconceptions.
It clearly sounds like he's a time waster. If he's not putting any effort in the dates imagine how this man is In a relationship? He will probably sleep with her a couple of times and then ghost her and when he meets the woman he truly wants then you can bet money that he will put more effort In the dates
Nah, i am convinced it was about the cold sore. It seems he may have health anxiety and fears getting the oral herpes from her. Straight up. Ive been rejected for mine, because yes, it is stigmatized. But i respect a person's right to reject me for any reason. If it aint right, it aint right.
Doctor chiming in here: I think it's pretty likely that she explained what a cold sore was poorly (though I definitely think that he found other red flags with her and was just giving a simple explanation). Cold sores are pretty common, and in some populations being infected by HSV1 or HSV2 has a prevalence of 75+% (I have seen some studies say 90%), but that's just viral infection, not developing cold sores, since not everyone infected with HSV1 or HSV2 gets episodic outbreaks rather oral or genital. Cold sores can transmit herpes to the genitals via oral sex causing genital herpes, including when they're developing ... so yes, a guy not being keen on continuing a date where sexual activity was a possibility (because I kinda think on the 15 hour dates, they were probably having sex and sleeping over). A cold sore can lead to genital herpes, and genital herpes can cause cold sores (and other sores like in the throat and even in the esophagus, though that's usually in immunocompromised individuals). Herpes infection is common, yes, and it should be less stigmatized , but it can cause health problems, discomfort, and in the case of someone who wants to get pregnant or get someone pregnant neonatal herpes is serious. A person who doesn't want to risk that should not be shamed like she is doing here. It's not just one flaw... it's a virus that can cause a lot of harm in certain populations, so choosing to not date someone who has it is valid. Odds are, the guy has been infected with at least one strain of herpes, but since it's rarely tested for (doctors are discouraged to test for it for a lot of reasons) as far as he knows, he doesn't have it, and protecting himself, his future partners, and future children is something that is a fair decision.
I personally appreciate someone checking in with me to ask if I'm still up for an event/plan. I am someone whose energy levels, mood, and motivation fluctuate DRASTICALLY from day to day. It used to be worse as a teen, but I often will make plans for the future...then end up feeling so depressed the day of the event that I have to flake. Or my anxiety is too high. Or I just thought I would eventually get myself excited for the thing and that just never happened.
I hate anytime we say “you don’t need to abide by these communication rules” like not texting within 2 days forst or whatever, we also have to say “don’t send them a novel or 5 back to back messages with no response to any” as a qualifier. Like saying one thing doesn’t mean you’re saying the polar opposite, ppl need to just listen to what’s being said and not think it implies the exact opposite. Not everything is minuscule or grandiose, most things that make sense tend to be a good measure of in the middle or you know, moderate.
"Unforgiving of one flaw?" They are transmittable, and I hear they are also painful. I wouldn't wanna put that on anyone if I had that issue. Secondly, she's doing it as a litmus test so she's just being insufferable almost as if she's expecting the rejection and is making it easier for him. I know that kind of thinking. I recognize low self-esteem at five paces. Especially in the mirror.
@@Nadia-jk5jwhaving cold sores doesn't mean you have herpes. It can be caused by multiple different things including herpes. But that's definitely not the only cause.
@@Nadia-jk5jw oral herpes is only contagious if its active, meaning the sore is visible. I suffer with oral herpes since I was a little kid and never did anyone get it from me. My current partner and I are together for almost six years now and we kiss on a daily and do other stuff. We just dont do those things if I have an outbreak. Just putting my two cents here.
@@thelastmoonchild. Cold sores are caused by HSV1 and HSV2. If someone has the characteristic cold sore outbreak, they definitely are infected with a herpes virus. A few things can get mistaken for cold sores (acne, aphthous ulcers, etc) especially early on in an outbreak, but a doctor or health care worker can easily diagnose what is and isn't a cold sore. Cold sores are an eruption caused by a herpes virus, and they are very characteristic. Having oral herpes does not mean you have genital herpes, and vice versa. Typically HSV1 infects around the mouth, and HSV2 infects around the genitals, but HSV1 can cause genital herpes and HSV2 can cause cold sores.
I hate how, from personal experience, anything on the lip/around the lip is labeled as a cold sore. Was told multiple times growing up that I had cold sores, found out later in life that, no, I didn't have cold sores, people just assumed my pimples around my mouth were cold sores Also, her number of people with cold sores is vastly over estimating. Fifty-Eighty percent, not Ninety percent. And I feel like she didn't explain to the guy that it's a different type of herpes, or how most people get that type in the first place.
@@buffystar3 ah, still, with the whole "this percent"-"that percent" it feels weird and misinformation like to go "only ten percent of the population doesn't have cold sores" and then get upset when the other person wants to stay in that percentage
Also, the VAST majority of people are carrying the herpes virus. Most people just don't get symptoms and never develop cold sores. I too thought I had cold sores growing up, but it was just pimples or angular chilitis (a bacterial sore that appears on the sides of the mouth, and is not linked with herpes). Either way, people freaking out about cold sores are probably already carrying the virus. They are just in the majority of people that do not get cold sores.
@@buffystar3 yeah, and there's also the whole thing with the part that most people don't even know they have it, or there's misinformation of "it's just cold sores, it's not like it's herpes!" that I personally grew up hearing teenagers say. The number of people who have cold sores could theoretically be in the 95s but still saying a straight 90% is a lot when there's so much wiggle room in the statistics in the first place.
I’m about to be 30 and single. Dating has drastically changed since I was 19. I had the same mind frame where I thought I could check on someone after a date and made sure they got home, or not think so much into men’s responses. An now unfortunately I kinda get where the lady is coming from only because talking to men on these apps is genuinely exhausting and so when they’re showing my interpretation or boredom I tend to get defensive like her. So to some degree I get where this lady is coming from. A key word is some. lol because even I’m hearing her and I’m like eek. An I am being that millennial, but technology has really warped the dating world in such a negative way it made me delete all the apps and just enjoy being single due to the mass of people looking for entertainment and not a partner. But it seems like technology has us so hyper protective of ourselves at times to the point where we aren’t seeing how that has become negative to us in the long run. So dating apps is twice the anxiety for all genders, however we’re still human and deserve to give others the same grace we get. So I hope she learns that humans tend to human and eases her anxiety more.
Men on dating apps are only looking for hook-ups. They will play the game and pretend to be seeking a relationship but they have a hidden agenda. Also women should never check if a man got home safely or he will see you as desperate. Always let the men take the lead and let him contact you first. Men are hunter's and they will go after the women they want and nothing in the world will stop them. Don't take advice from women who only dated their husband and don't understand what it's like to date men. Unfortunately the quality of modern men is bad. You will probably date 200 guys who just want smex until you meet a man who actually wants a relationship. I have taken myself off the dating market because it's dangerous. I can tell you many horror stories about men I dated from dating apps to my job to meeting them at their jobs. Being single is not that bad, I don't have to worry about getting cheated on or diseases because I am celibate. I'm happy that I have peace in my life ❤
I feel like texting someone to see if they got home okay is a low bar. I think the problem comes when the efforts aren’t reciprocated. Who “does it first” shouldn’t necessarily matter if both people are showing equivalent effort.
As a germaphobe about contagious skin issues and being someone who has (luckily) never had a cold sore (that I know of), yes, cold sores would be a deal-breaker for me. Those are permanent once transmitted, and I would greatly appreciate it if someone brought it up to me from the start. The way people like her and so many other people I know that have cold sores are so nonchalant about it like its just a zit or non-viral blemish irritates the hell outta me. Sure, its not as bad as an STD, but do i wanna catch it just because 90% of the rest of the world has it? Hell to the fuck no. I myself am a MRSA carrier and have frequent staph/boil flare-ups. Almost everyone has/carries staph, but I'd still warn them about it from day 1 out of courtesy. I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird like that.
Wow I figured that the break outs were a flare up or that I am just more likely to get infected again since I've had it before (staph&MRSA) cuz I get them Randomly & they hurt way worse than a simple breakout. They always burn extra & stinging. Just like the cold sores on your lip(I've had maybe 3x in my life) a few years ago I had a tube of ointment prescribed that was specifically for staph/MRSA. it worked better than anything & cleared up the spots in maybe 2 days vs 2 weeks. That's really good to know & I need to talk to my dermatologist about that. Thank you ❤ I hate hate Hate how stigmatized it is. I'd def think to cover it with a pimple patch or hydrocolloid bandage but idk if that would add any protection?
I’m with you on this, I get eczema flare ups due to my skin sensitivity and cold sores are not something I would want to deal with regardless of how frequently you get them. I also read they can lead to genital herpes in some cases so regardless of how common that is, no thank you…. Idk I’m anxious about stuff like that too. I’m not judgmental of people who have it, I just don’t want it.
I don't have geemaphobia of any kind, and I'd like to stay herpes free, just as I'd like to stay chickenpox free so I never have to experience shingles. I don't want to contract a preventable disease that could cause issues for me and my health down the track. I think that's reasonable.
I literally have a cold sore right now. If you don't touch it, beat case scenario, you have this one or a few oozing bubbles on your lip that won't cover with makeup for a week. I completely understand why people are "weird" about it. Especially when you've just met or don't know how you can avoid contracting them. Sounds like she was hurt and just wants to make him the bad guy to feel better.
I had a friend like this. So passive aggressive. Some people are just so completely entitled and need to feel the drama everywhere they go. I don’t have time for that. No one does.
4:53 IIRC she said in her tiktok that originallly blew up about her matchmaking she said she wanted an A-type personality who took charge and whatnot. But she has to say that to the guy on the date that she needs someone to take charge and plan the dates during a certain period of time etc
Cold sores aren’t genetic afaik but are very commonly passed from parent to child, for example if a parent kisses their child when they have a cold sore, shares chapstick, eats from the same spoon/fork/plate or drinks from the same cup/straw. I know many people with cold sores but thankfully I do not have them 🎉
I once had a FIRST DATE with someone that told me that her "cuchi" stinks and started explaining it is not because she has a yeast infection or STD. That was ruled out by a Dr. It was because of the Ph and some liners. All of this in the first date, immediately when we got to the restaurant to order some food. As you can guess, i never called her back.
I live in Los Angeles. I’ve dated several girls in Orange County. As the man, I always make sure I drive to them. It’s about 45 to 60 miles away depending where in Orange County. I usually ask the girl where she wants to eat, because it’s literally another county away from me and I have no idea what’s around there. She lives there, I am 45 to 60 miles away.if this girl has an issue with having to pick out a place that she likes, I don’t see that as heavy lifting, I see that as either being considerate, or in my case, me having absolutely zero idea what’s around you and you have every idea of what’s around you.
I...kind of get where she's coming from with the brunch thing. At least, initially. I think the person who suggests the date should have the plan pretty fully formed, so you can present something concrete and ask "hey do you wanna do [specific thing] or would [something closer] work better for you?" And then the other person could say whatever. BUT at the same time, as you said: communication. Lmao! It's insane how these grown ass people won't just... Say what they want. Like. "Hey it was your idea! You suggest the places :p" or whatever People are exhausting I'm gonna live in the woods or a swamp by myself and be Shrek or something lmao
I don’t know, call me shallow, but learning someone has an STD would be enough for me to call something off, even one as manageable and reasonably benign as herpes. I’ve made it to 40 with a clean bill of sexual health, and I can’t see jeopardizing that for someone I’m just getting to know, especially since it can be spread by kissing. But whether that was the reason or the excuse, dude dodged a bullet. I can’t imagine dating someone who is keeping a running tally of all the reasons to not be with me.
like 90% of adults have some strain of "herpies" its not as bad as other strains. Some might be a carrier without presenting symptoms. Weird asf to mention it on a date like 50 times tho.
@marzgirl99 I understand. It's definitely not life ending lol I find most people actually don't care as long as you're upfront. They may have questions, but that's just the time to educate them on how genital herpes works. I feel like people believe it's a constant thing that needs to be dealt with when most people who have it only experience 1 break out then never again OR only experience a break out every few years. The longer you've had it, the less frequent your break outs become (barring the circumstances where you need medication). In all my research, it is incredibly unlikely you'd catch herpes if there is no active break out. And I've had cold sores in the past, I think 2 times in my life. I haven't had one in over a decade at this point.
I feel like these are the type of people that are perpetually single or in horrible social media driven relationships (post after post of smiles, yet sit at home arguing). The people that have long lasting relationships and are happy don’t act like this.
I dont kiss my husband when i have a cold sore. It really isnt that big of a deal imo, but i will not try to give my husband a disease that my parents gave me
I’ve always told my partners when I have cold sores not to kiss me… they have all kissed me regardless (sometimes making my cold sore worse 😂) and ironically not a single one has had a cold sore since 🤔
Tbh I kinda see her point in the brunch situation. There are many men who just wanna cruise by doing the bare minimum. Why does it need to be told for you to plan a brunch? Also, if the man is bad at planning HE could have been upfront about it too. Honestly it's an ESH situation there. They both could have done better.
Im gonna show my kids her videos to teach them about what NOT to do and what you shouldn't be expecting from what is essentially just an attractive stranger
Whenever I would have a cold sore my sister would bring the separate water bottle and cutlery set I could use because she didn’t want to catch it 😂 Remember when once I forgot myself and drank the water from the bottle I wasn’t supposed to she completely lost it and was furious and our parents were like girl calm down it’s not a big deal get over it 😂
The only thing this guy did wrong is to suggest 2pm as a time for brunch. What is brunch? It's Breakfast-Lunch. When does Brunch occur? Between breakfast time and lunch time. 2pm is late lunch bordering on afternoon tea. Even she's saying 12-1 which is just straight up lunch. What's wrong with these people? Edit to add: I do feel bad for her about the cold sore. Are we still being silly about cold sores? It's very common and literally not a problem. It can be genetic, or passed on during birth. She probably just mentioned it because it's just uncomfortable and she was likely warning him that kissing was off the table for the date.
I feel like brunch hours typically tend to be from 10-2pm since it’s a combination of breakfast and lunch. Like the last two hours of breakfast time, and the first two hours of lunch. Either way suggesting at 9:45 that they meet at 2 was a bit of a stretch. They both should’ve sorted all that the night before.
I've decided in the past not to engage in a romantic relationship with a person for having oral herpes. I was polite about it and grateful for their honesty, but personally, I think everyone has the right to having an autonomous choice as to what they want to expose to their immune system. I personally am not trying to add another condition to the list of stuff I have to deal with, even if it is just a minor inconvenience. I'm also not going to shame anyone over it either though.
Do you realise most people have it? Even if they don’t tell you or don’t know? 80% of the population in the US carries it and can be transmissible at at time. If you have kissed more than 3 people I guarantee you would have kissed someone with it.
@@sinistararies2975 you can get tested for it. Thankfully, I don't have it. Ideally, I'd like to keep it that way. If I ever find out i do have it, I will absolutely disclose to any partners and let them decide for themselves how they would like to proceed. It really isn't that big of a deal. 🤷🏽♀️
Cold sores are actually SUPER common. John Hopkins does estimate 50-80% of US adults have the virus, so I think the burden is on the person who doesn’t know to do like 2 mins of googling and get informed on it. But I do have a feeling that the cold sore isn’t the real issue. She might need to do some actual therapy work to see if she self sabotaging her love life.
Right. You can dump someone for having cold sores but 1. you probably have it too and 2. the next person probably has it. Doctors don’t even know the full extent because testing is discouraged because most people have the virus and don’t have symptoms so there’s no utility in knowing. This is what my doc said when I asked why it’s not in the STD panel
The strategizing and schemes are really at the forefront in the dating scene these days. Or so it seems to me, a monogamous outsider who has been with the same man for 13 or so years😅 we don’t even know our “anniversary” bc it was pretty much an instant partnership lol GOD am I thankful lol I think that as far as the women, we play those games, like “who texts who first” or calculating the amount of time between messages or any of that shit where they make it into moves on a chessboard, when we have been hurt in the recent past. I almost didn’t give my now father of my daughter a chance but he didn’t play those games and melted my defenses lol I’m SO thankful I escaped tinder and the general vibe to dating these days
I’d argue that constantly brining up your cold sore and pointing out that it’s related to herpes is MORE stigmatizing of cold soars. If she had simply just said “yeah it’s an annoying thing I get from time to time, just little blisters, no worries” and left it at that she’d be fine. I would only ever tell someone I’ve been on 4 dates with that I have herpes if I LEGITIMATELY had an sti. That’s absolutely insane.
I’m 48 years old and just recently found out about cold sores. I’ve never had one and don’t know anyone other than the couple that have them. To assume it’s not a big deal is shady
15 hour dates aren't unheard of. They're not necessarily planned. It's more like, for me anyway, you hang out and enjoy each other so much you're like . "What do you wanna do now?" You could watch TV and go get dinner and all kinds of stuff. It's easy if you click and vibe together really well.
9:20 - just want to say that my husband and I had a couple very long 'dates' (before our official "first date", more just getting to know each other, but both definitely interested), about 9 hours. We mostly just walked around an outdoor shopping center and talked :) So I don't think that in particular is super weird if you really connect with someone!
Honestly it sounds nice - the way you explained your experience, like hanging w a best friend and romantic partner all in one- I think I’m skeptical of her longer dates based on the seemingly very high expectations and little communication.
@@READYTOGLARE Yeah i do agree with you, the way she presents these stories and the many red flags she gives off makes me give serious sideeye as well!
I’ve had several long dates in the past as well. Sometimes you plan to meet someone for one date activity, and you enjoy each other’s company so much that you end up spending the whole day together doing other date activities (catching a movie, grabbing a drink so you can chat more, etc)
This is just the dating version of bad parents wondering why their kids don't talk to them anymore after age 25. If your dating life is so miserable that NOBODY is working out, then you are probably the issue- not the plethora of other people who have equally no heavy investment in you.
So weird how everyone stopped being reasonable on dates, kinda like the score card thing you were mentioning, and it's also like people just expect the dates to revolve around everything they want instead of just kicking it and trying something new, weird stuff.
This kinda… leads back into the argument some guys have where they’re expected to be mind reader and the efforts they *do* put forth are reprimanded because (again) they weren’t a mind reader and took them to a place their date didn’t want to go or didn’t like the vibes of the restaurant/date when there wasn’t a prompt in general in the first place. (A separate issue is men who are given a straight syllabus on the kind of dates their partners want to go on and then are confused when she’s upset they went to the bar to watch him drinking and watching the game.)
Lol it’s bad enough she’s the way she is…but to put it online and show everyone. Good luck ever finding someone in life. This somehow says she always single😂
It was weird about the cold sore part but she is right 90% of public have cold sores and are asymptomatic and will not pop up so yes she is right about cold sores and anyone can get them
It's so pretty! She's always so pretty I just can't bring myself to say anything without saying The Most because It's Clear how much work she puts into Everything.
Note - idk if I miscommunicated or a few misunderstood. Mentioning the cold sore and explaining isn’t the issue, that’s fair and responsible. That being said, I don’t think mentioning it multiple times is necessary. The real point though is if you like someone and the connection is there, a cold sore likely wouldn’t stand in the way of the relationship.
What an amusing time to be alive. Comments and Reading and all. Wow, people read. You've done Wonderful again. ☺️ 🌬️
A cold sore would absolutely end my interest in someone
@@1a2b3c4d2847 curious because cold sores are typically herpes simplex 1. The most common and benign form of herpes. 50-80% of Americans have it. Not to mention " At least 70% of the population shed HSV-1 asymptomatically at least once a month" (national library of medicine, Craig S Miller et al.) Since I can't link things there's that.
I can bet you money you've been with someone with herpes and didn't realize.
Now if we're talking about genital herpes I'll give you that. But simple cold sores of the mouth don't impact meaningful relationships. It's about management and know when to avoid oral contact with your partner.
Avoid oral sex when someone has HSV-1 that can actually cause genital herpes. But it'll still be HSV-1 instead of 2. Which is the more malignant of the two.
Blame all the lame media cuz lately ready 2 glare I see not but ridiculous horrible sex escorting offers all over the yt , TikTok, especially telegram omg very bad there, fb marketplace, fb itself and discord and more .I had to delete telegram and other apps it gotten that bad .now I just view yt streamers hoping to find good content and new friends.only thing bad is on yt that many new comers are subscribing begging each other posting there links so viewers can sub for sub .I find that ridiculously unearn , untalented and unlegit way to get followers.
@@1a2b3c4d2847 not sure if you're being sarcastic, but cold sores are temporary and totally go away. Would be silly to have something like a cold sore get in the way tbh...
As someone who deals with a lot of self destructive behaviors, sis has a lot of work to do on her self. She’s her own worst enemy.
Yes. In her mind she believes she is looking out for her best interest by applying such strict rules and expectations with little to no room for compromise. There is a point where flexibility is not only appropriate, but necessary if one truly wishes to find a life partner.
@@silentfriend369 it seems like a not uncommon sort of psuedo-elitism based around the wallets of evidently spartan women.
same i see so much of myself in her and it feels so bizarre
It’s funny I’m older….yes we still wait. Why? Because men seem to run if we show too much “interest”. I wish I could be as positive as you!! But at 53….I’ve learned the hard way 😢all the men I “worked” for showed more interest etc in? Ended up as disasters or then I was lovebombed….and that was a disaster. Men don’t put effort in anymore and we get a bit worn out! She’s got some points here
This.
"It's so unfair he is unforgiving of one flaw" ..... meanwhile she just told us she couldn't forgive the last guy not messaging repeatedly when she was the one who didn't respond.
They were not just kissing on those 15 hour dates.... I reckon the guy googled something specific regarding oral.... That girl is nasty if she thinks it's harmless to have a cold sore and spread it to other people
i feel like these guys dodged a bullet.
Yes absolutely, such a rude and spoiled girl 😅
@NathalieCwiekSwiercz ok pick me
He showed her that he's not interested and she rightfully ran.
This is how single mother's are made, by desperate women chasing men who don't want them
If a man is putting no effort then he doesn't want you, and you need to drop him.
@NathalieCwiekSwiercz pick me woman
@@winning3329wtf
“You missed out” No no, I don’t think he did actually 😂
I almost felt bad for this woman before with the matchmaker situation, but it’s pretty clear her behavior is a pattern. 😅
The matchmaker has been officially vindicated.
@ville__you’re right. No one fucking cares
Trying to date as an autistic person is hard enough, people like this woman take it to a whole new level
Dude SO much. I am terrified but I know I dated years ago with success but I've grown up so much since then & changed & just too nervous and unsure about it 🥲 ofcourse everything has to be extra hard mode/difficulty for us sometimes
At least you dont have bpd lol
@@whatever3145I have BPD and there is hope in dating, just as long as you're getting treatment and your partner is supportive and healthy ❤
@@sanecatlady I totally feel for you. I have dated two women with BPD. The first refused to get treatment and was a literal nightmare. Worst GF ever. The second, I not only dated but eventually lived with. She was getting treatment for it, and the BPD was essentially a non-issue. She also had Dissociative Identity Disorder though, which was NOT well treated. It was VERY difficult to live with. And ultimately was the cause of our breakup.
Question if you do not mind. Not meaning to pry. One of my closest friends in on the autistic spectrum, and he has no experience in the dating world, but wants to. Right now he's hitting a few road blocks, the first is that he (in my own opinion) is too harsh on himself. He does not feel that he looks like a catch to a partner(he's bi which is why I did not specify a gender). He says that he wants to lose more weight in particular. He says he can not even try to ask anyone out before he does that. He is SOOO lonely, and we talk about this topic often, but he just will not budge. When we first met he was on at least two dating websites with no success, so he quit those. I have tried to tell him that he looks so much better than MANY of the men out there, and that a potential partner would not have issue.
ANYWAY.... You said "it's hard enough" when referencing dating. Does that mean that you have had any success at all? And if so, what guidance can I perhaps offer my friend?
That woman sounds SO exhausting to me honestly
Wow, I can't believe she has a hard time finding partners, she seems so low-maintenance. /s
Edit: OH that cold-sore thing definitely sounds like self-sabotage. The fact that she mentioned it a bunch of times and then made sure to tell him it's herpes sounds like she was hoping it would scare him off. She's the one who made it weird.
@ville__if you gotta say it, your shit is trash. Also, your account doesn't even have content. (At least, that's what TH-cam says when I view your channel.)
It certainly sounds like she mentioned it on purpose. Dude definitely heard herpes and freaked, but she could have explained it as not, you know, _that_ kind of herpes.
Tbf that's actually the thing I have respect for her for. Telling him she has Cold Sores which is herpes.
I know I would be furious if I was with someone that had a contagious condition, no matter how small, and they didn't inform me and give it too me. Especially one that's in the herpes group, yes it's not like the other kinds of herpes but it doesn't matter it doesn't sound good to have explain to a future partner if the relationship doesn't work.
Everything else though.... Yeah she's wild.
But that point I'm glad she did and can respect the fact she explained what it was.
@@thebloodyenglish6620Nah, mentioning it once is totally normal, and I agree I would rather be informed. BUT she apparently mentioned it SEVERAL times which is really weird. Like what kind of response was she looking for?
@@angstydoodles1101It actually IS THAT kind of herpes. Most genital herpes cases now are actually causes by HSV1 - specifically the cold sore virus
That girl sounds insufferable, honestly. She’s looking for issues that don’t exist. Thank god I’m out of the dating game. Never followed any rules and found the love of my life
✋ same!
I dont understand why communication is so fucking hard so many people. They just expect people to read their minds
not dating right now feels like being far enough away from a truly fucked trench war that the shells can't hit you but you're still close enough to occasionally see people come back from the front, shocked and broken...
😂
😅😅😂
How rich of her to say it's a red flag if someone can't look past one flaw when she thinks everything about that first guy was so unacceptable, and the things he didn't weren't even flaws, just things that could be easily communicated about like Guilia said
I'm not really in tune with women her type. I mean more power to her but her type is very much the plastics, the six chicks, pretty much the "queen bee" of every highschool bully that hasn't changed, just got older.
She's simply not doing herself any favors lol like clearly she has a lot of work to do with herself if she's setting these sky scraper high standards for her partners
Wow!!!!
If you think asking for the bare minimum is skyrocket high then you really need to check your priorities.
He's obviously not interested in her and he's wasting her time.
I know that if he was interested in her then he would have picked the restaurant's and he would have made the effort to keep in contact with her.
I'm glad that the woman knew her worth and dropped him.
She dropped him so she can keep her self open for the next man who will play no games and come correct.
This is how dating a man should look like if you want to avoid becoming a baby momma.
This man would probably run if he got her pregnant and I'm glad that she dumped him.
@@winning3329Different woman have different expectations and standards.
Whether her standards are reasonable or not isn’t even relevant if she doesn’t bother to communicate them.
How can a man meet an expectation that he doesn’t even know exists? She’s the one playing games and arbitrarily “testing” him.
There was literally no way for him to understand what her problem was if he can’t read her mind!
@@brokebaddieboutique as a woman in a long-term relationship with a man who does go above and beyond for me, I 100% agree with this. It’s not going to be perfect at the start or even ever, but with time and effort, you can get pretty damn close. Relationships take work from both sides. She didn’t try at all from what I saw. Some men deserve that effort at the start, too.
@@winning3329AGREED!!!
@winning3329
I'm all in when it comes to the whole "woman deserve more than the bare minimum" but this guy wasn't a shitty dude not trying hard enough.
Dating is difficult enough. This woman wasn't communicating at all and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have guessed what she wanted if I was in his place. I do pretty much all when it comes to planing dates or cleaning the house in my relationship, but I'm only able to do that if I know what my girlfriend wants from me or what she likes, because people can't read minds.
It's insane to expect someone, regardless of their gender, to be able to automatically know what you want. And considering they don't know each other that well, it's also insane to expect him to automatically know what she likes. He responded to her texts and she didn't continue to talk. And I pretty much feel this dude. Because imagine you meet an amazing woman, you like her and you don't want to f up. I would act the same: keep it light hearted, be nice, give her the space to put into the conversation what she wants to do or say... he seems more like he's actually pretty respectful.
And yes it's sometimes frustrating when you give a date/partner clues and they don't pick up on what you want (my gf has autism, so she is really bad at this) but most of the time this could be solved with open conversations, what she obviously did not do or even intend.
I think it's a pretty complicated topic psychologically speaking, that's why I wanted to reply, I just think that sometimes the situation is more difficult than "the man is bad, it's his fault"...
I don't think this new generation of extreme standards is even about having standards. It's a thinly veiled reject them before they can reject me. A way to feel in control. True intimacy requires a level of vulnerability, so they are sadly missing on a real connection, while hiding behind ridiculous standards, that are just rebranded insecurity.
exactlyyyy like cmon this was ridiculous
She definitely has control issues.
Yeah, I’m 46 and several of the women i grew up with who acted like they just had these reasonably high standards for themselves are now alone and childless, not by choice. I watched them burn through good men over the years who just weren’t absolutely perfect in their eyes so they got kicked to the curb. I have a cousin who broke up with a guy who adored her just to make him beg for her back because she didn’t feel “appreciated” enough (appreciate for what??), and the guy just moved on and never tried to get her back. She was dumbfounded and thought for months that he’d come crawling back with flowers at any moment. You dumped him out of nowhere. He probably f’ing hates you now. 🤦🏻♀️
My standards are high because I’ve been with abusive men. 😅
@@Kitakat994 wanting a non abusive man isn’t a high standard. That’s baseline decent human being. lol
OK.. all of her expectations are totally reasonable IF SHE COMMUNICATES THEM. They're specific, and we men don't necessarily mind an opinionated girl. I myself like it actually, it saves a lot of time and strengthens the friendship (which is underrated and so important in an SO). However, this technique of actually expecting mind-reading and being mad or judgemental about the result is top three red flags. I was thinking it before you interjected the first time, Giulia. Even the initial communication was unnecessarily oblique.
This is exactly what I was thinking! How can she possibly expect her needs to be met when she refuses to communicate them?
@@brokebaddieboutique right? She was able to communicate to the video, so why not be clear with the guy? Most likely when you say what you want upfront, or what's going on up front they usually do the same
The OK cool response, the way I interpreted, is, he's thinking "yikes, she drama. Byeee!"
Hey, person with Herpes here🙋♀️There's a huge stigma behind it and it is a STD so you have to disclose it to whoever you're dating begorw anything physical happens So it actually would'nt suprise me if he didn't want to continue dating as soon as she mentioned the word Herpes. But yes honestly she seems like a annoying human when it comes to dating so he may have just not seen her as worth it lol.
The stigma is super dumb and there’s so much misinformation about it. I have type 1 genitally, received it from someone who was asymptomatic and didn’t know he had it. It’s so common and I have very mild symptoms, rarely. That said it’s important to disclose.
@@marzgirl99 I have type 1 genitally and recieved it in the same way. I've only ever had one outbreak which was the first one in 2021. It sucks that I've had to adjust the way I date ect. There's always the fear of disclosing as when you like someone you of course don't want to lose them but it is apart of it when you have this affliction. I overhear people make herpes jokes and it cuts deeply but like stated there is so much stigma that comes with it and alot of misinformed jokes come along with it also perpetuating the misinformation. The dating sites for people like us SUCKS too which makes dating even harder. It is what it is but still frustrating.
@@orania8033 I started having symptoms and tested positive a few months after I started dating my current bf so I didn’t have to have “the talk” with him until later in our relationship. I guess I’m pretty fortunate.
Don't expect the person you're dating to be a magical mind reader or cosmically in sync with your needs, life ain't a romcom movie.
At least she puts out the red flags on her TikTok. Glad those guys got out of there before it got too serious.
This is bonkers.
"The Dutch aye"
"Sure, shall I book it? What time suits?"
🤷🏻♀️
I do think being rejected for a cold sore is bizarre but I suspect he just sussed out she's hard fucking work and dipped.
They dodged a bullet
I wonder if it's from a controlling aspect. Like her waiting for you to mess up so she can shove it in your face and have you apologize. Feels narcissistic lol
I agree that this person seems to get in her way in dating. But i don't agree that her mentioning her cold sore a few times was self sabotage. I get cold sores semi regularly, and it can be embarrassing. Especially because it's super contagious and gross looking. If i had a date where the guy was trying to kiss me or be up in my face a lot, i would probably mention the cold sore a few times as well. There are some people that don't understand what cold sores are, and when they hear its a herpes virus, they immediately have a bad view of you. I've experienced this a few times.
yes i absolutely hear you on this. it's pretty responsible of her to mention it since one was actively coming on, but it's also true people get so squeamish when it genuinely is extremely common
It's totally fair to mention a cold sore, so they can avoid making contact with it, but mentioning it more than once (unless he keeps trying to kiss you??) is weird. But I agree with Guilia that I don't think the cold sore was actually the problem.
I used to want every date planned to a T a week before, exact times, everything planned out. But then I met my partner five years ago who had great communication but was very “we’ll see on the day” kinda person. At first I was like I dunno if I can do this…. But I’m so damn glad I gave them a go because 5 years later we’re still together, incredibly happy and everyone says how good we are together! I’ve learnt to loosen up a bit too 😂
Yeah, I feel you. I've been in the same relationship since 2008 and I can't fathom trying to date in 2024. I'd basically become a monk if our relationship ended for any reason.
I would rather be a spinster with pets than be with anyone else😅
I have given up on men.
I have been celibate for 5 years and I plan on staying this way for life.❤
@@winning3329I used to be one of those people who was always in a relationship - I was in back to back relationships for 15 years without more than a month between them. When my last relationship ended I was relieved but also a little lost. It took some time but I finally learned to enjoy my own company and independence, which was some pretty awesome growth for lil co-dependent me. I was actually excited to be on my own indefinitely.
Well, after a few years, without looking, a guy who I got along with really well happened into my life and now we're together. I feel like I'm betraying single me, lol. However, I think knowing that I don't NEED a man anymore makes me a better partner. I don't crumble under the pressure of pleasing my partner anymore, I'm not afraid to communicate in any way, I don't question my wants/needs and my love for him is more pure. It also allowed time for someone who is actually right for me to come along.
Anyway, my point is this is such an important milestone to get to because whether you end up on your own or with someone, you will be happy either way.
Best wishes and never stop chasing happiness 💜😘
I've been in the same relationship for going on 14 years this July and if we broke up for whatever reason, I would probably never date again. Hook up with people for a good time, yes. But date, hell no!
I took a lot of initiative in the relationship with my husband, and it didn't turn him away! He matched my initiation as well, we both equally invested in each other from the start. I agree with you that the self imposed dating "rules" people put on themselves are completely unnecessary! Especially stuff like "don't text too often" "don't text first" "don't show too much interest" etc etc. :P With the right person, none of those are going to matter.
Most people who get cold sores get their initial infection as toddlers - when we put everything in our mouths, especially if we are in childcare with a bunch of other germy kids.
And parents that have cold sores and don't take care not to interact by sharing things or giving their children kisses...
Ngl i don’t think it’s unreasonable to reject someone because they have cold sores. Yes most people have them but cold sores are caused by herpes, it’s okay to not want to transmit herpes
@@Nadia-jk5jw It’s not that serious. Most cold sores are caused by hsv1 which is not the one that poses the most issues in relation to STIs.
It's only transmissible while you actively have a cold sore, which isn't often. The virus is usually dormant and isn't infectious when it's dormant.
Herpes in general is not as serious at it's made out to be. Most people have it and most of the time you don't have any symptoms. There's a lot of fearmongering about STIs, that's why people have these misconceptions.
She’s being extremely dense. Girl just say you don’t know a place and let him pick then or TELL him he should pick it if that’s what you’d like. Tf
It clearly sounds like he's a time waster.
If he's not putting any effort in the dates imagine how this man is In a relationship?
He will probably sleep with her a couple of times and then ghost her and when he meets the woman he truly wants then you can bet money that he will put more effort In the dates
Nah, i am convinced it was about the cold sore. It seems he may have health anxiety and fears getting the oral herpes from her. Straight up. Ive been rejected for mine, because yes, it is stigmatized. But i respect a person's right to reject me for any reason. If it aint right, it aint right.
I agree with this, he seems uneducated on oral herpes , heard the word herpes and freaked out
“I’m just a person with a brain”😂😂😂😂😂❤ love your phone bangle & hoodie.
She’s single because….
Doctor chiming in here: I think it's pretty likely that she explained what a cold sore was poorly (though I definitely think that he found other red flags with her and was just giving a simple explanation). Cold sores are pretty common, and in some populations being infected by HSV1 or HSV2 has a prevalence of 75+% (I have seen some studies say 90%), but that's just viral infection, not developing cold sores, since not everyone infected with HSV1 or HSV2 gets episodic outbreaks rather oral or genital. Cold sores can transmit herpes to the genitals via oral sex causing genital herpes, including when they're developing ... so yes, a guy not being keen on continuing a date where sexual activity was a possibility (because I kinda think on the 15 hour dates, they were probably having sex and sleeping over). A cold sore can lead to genital herpes, and genital herpes can cause cold sores (and other sores like in the throat and even in the esophagus, though that's usually in immunocompromised individuals).
Herpes infection is common, yes, and it should be less stigmatized , but it can cause health problems, discomfort, and in the case of someone who wants to get pregnant or get someone pregnant neonatal herpes is serious. A person who doesn't want to risk that should not be shamed like she is doing here. It's not just one flaw... it's a virus that can cause a lot of harm in certain populations, so choosing to not date someone who has it is valid. Odds are, the guy has been infected with at least one strain of herpes, but since it's rarely tested for (doctors are discouraged to test for it for a lot of reasons) as far as he knows, he doesn't have it, and protecting himself, his future partners, and future children is something that is a fair decision.
I personally appreciate someone checking in with me to ask if I'm still up for an event/plan.
I am someone whose energy levels, mood, and motivation fluctuate DRASTICALLY from day to day. It used to be worse as a teen, but I often will make plans for the future...then end up feeling so depressed the day of the event that I have to flake. Or my anxiety is too high. Or I just thought I would eventually get myself excited for the thing and that just never happened.
I hate anytime we say “you don’t need to abide by these communication rules” like not texting within 2 days forst or whatever, we also have to say “don’t send them a novel or 5 back to back messages with no response to any” as a qualifier. Like saying one thing doesn’t mean you’re saying the polar opposite, ppl need to just listen to what’s being said and not think it implies the exact opposite. Not everything is minuscule or grandiose, most things that make sense tend to be a good measure of in the middle or you know, moderate.
"Unforgiving of one flaw?" They are transmittable, and I hear they are also painful. I wouldn't wanna put that on anyone if I had that issue. Secondly, she's doing it as a litmus test so she's just being insufferable almost as if she's expecting the rejection and is making it easier for him. I know that kind of thinking. I recognize low self-esteem at five paces. Especially in the mirror.
Yh I don’t like how not wanting herpes is treated as unreasonable…
@@Nadia-jk5jwhaving cold sores doesn't mean you have herpes. It can be caused by multiple different things including herpes. But that's definitely not the only cause.
@@Nadia-jk5jw oral herpes is only contagious if its active, meaning the sore is visible. I suffer with oral herpes since I was a little kid and never did anyone get it from me. My current partner and I are together for almost six years now and we kiss on a daily and do other stuff. We just dont do those things if I have an outbreak. Just putting my two cents here.
@@thelastmoonchild. No no. If you have cold sores then you have herpes. Don't spread misinformation.
@@thelastmoonchild. Cold sores are caused by HSV1 and HSV2. If someone has the characteristic cold sore outbreak, they definitely are infected with a herpes virus. A few things can get mistaken for cold sores (acne, aphthous ulcers, etc) especially early on in an outbreak, but a doctor or health care worker can easily diagnose what is and isn't a cold sore. Cold sores are an eruption caused by a herpes virus, and they are very characteristic. Having oral herpes does not mean you have genital herpes, and vice versa. Typically HSV1 infects around the mouth, and HSV2 infects around the genitals, but HSV1 can cause genital herpes and HSV2 can cause cold sores.
Her whole thing sounds like a very in-depth character bit.
It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
I hate how, from personal experience, anything on the lip/around the lip is labeled as a cold sore. Was told multiple times growing up that I had cold sores, found out later in life that, no, I didn't have cold sores, people just assumed my pimples around my mouth were cold sores
Also, her number of people with cold sores is vastly over estimating. Fifty-Eighty percent, not Ninety percent. And I feel like she didn't explain to the guy that it's a different type of herpes, or how most people get that type in the first place.
Some estimates say it could be up to 90% apparently
@@buffystar3 ah, still, with the whole "this percent"-"that percent" it feels weird and misinformation like to go "only ten percent of the population doesn't have cold sores" and then get upset when the other person wants to stay in that percentage
@@pazzyshifter Yeah I don’t think that estimate is accurate either, but the lady in the video wasn’t technically lying I think
Also, the VAST majority of people are carrying the herpes virus. Most people just don't get symptoms and never develop cold sores. I too thought I had cold sores growing up, but it was just pimples or angular chilitis (a bacterial sore that appears on the sides of the mouth, and is not linked with herpes).
Either way, people freaking out about cold sores are probably already carrying the virus. They are just in the majority of people that do not get cold sores.
@@buffystar3 yeah, and there's also the whole thing with the part that most people don't even know they have it, or there's misinformation of "it's just cold sores, it's not like it's herpes!" that I personally grew up hearing teenagers say. The number of people who have cold sores could theoretically be in the 95s but still saying a straight 90% is a lot when there's so much wiggle room in the statistics in the first place.
My autistic ass could NEVER!
This kind of shit is the stuff that scares me off from dating.
I’m about to be 30 and single. Dating has drastically changed since I was 19. I had the same mind frame where I thought I could check on someone after a date and made sure they got home, or not think so much into men’s responses. An now unfortunately I kinda get where the lady is coming from only because talking to men on these apps is genuinely exhausting and so when they’re showing my interpretation or boredom I tend to get defensive like her. So to some degree I get where this lady is coming from. A key word is some. lol because even I’m hearing her and I’m like eek. An I am being that millennial, but technology has really warped the dating world in such a negative way it made me delete all the apps and just enjoy being single due to the mass of people looking for entertainment and not a partner. But it seems like technology has us so hyper protective of ourselves at times to the point where we aren’t seeing how that has become negative to us in the long run. So dating apps is twice the anxiety for all genders, however we’re still human and deserve to give others the same grace we get. So I hope she learns that humans tend to human and eases her anxiety more.
Men on dating apps are only looking for hook-ups.
They will play the game and pretend to be seeking a relationship but they have a hidden agenda.
Also women should never check if a man got home safely or he will see you as desperate.
Always let the men take the lead and let him contact you first.
Men are hunter's and they will go after the women they want and nothing in the world will stop them.
Don't take advice from women who only dated their husband and don't understand what it's like to date men.
Unfortunately the quality of modern men is bad.
You will probably date 200 guys who just want smex until you meet a man who actually wants a relationship.
I have taken myself off the dating market because it's dangerous.
I can tell you many horror stories about men I dated from dating apps to my job to meeting them at their jobs.
Being single is not that bad, I don't have to worry about getting cheated on or diseases because I am celibate.
I'm happy that I have peace in my life ❤
I feel like texting someone to see if they got home okay is a low bar. I think the problem comes when the efforts aren’t reciprocated. Who “does it first” shouldn’t necessarily matter if both people are showing equivalent effort.
@@pisceanbeauty2503 totally agree 👍 ❤
As a germaphobe about contagious skin issues and being someone who has (luckily) never had a cold sore (that I know of), yes, cold sores would be a deal-breaker for me. Those are permanent once transmitted, and I would greatly appreciate it if someone brought it up to me from the start. The way people like her and so many other people I know that have cold sores are so nonchalant about it like its just a zit or non-viral blemish irritates the hell outta me. Sure, its not as bad as an STD, but do i wanna catch it just because 90% of the rest of the world has it? Hell to the fuck no. I myself am a MRSA carrier and have frequent staph/boil flare-ups. Almost everyone has/carries staph, but I'd still warn them about it from day 1 out of courtesy. I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird like that.
Wow I figured that the break outs were a flare up or that I am just more likely to get infected again since I've had it before (staph&MRSA) cuz I get them Randomly & they hurt way worse than a simple breakout. They always burn extra & stinging. Just like the cold sores on your lip(I've had maybe 3x in my life)
a few years ago I had a tube of ointment prescribed that was specifically for staph/MRSA. it worked better than anything & cleared up the spots in maybe 2 days vs 2 weeks. That's really good to know & I need to talk to my dermatologist about that. Thank you ❤ I hate hate Hate how stigmatized it is. I'd def think to cover it with a pimple patch or hydrocolloid bandage but idk if that would add any protection?
I’m with you on this, I get eczema flare ups due to my skin sensitivity and cold sores are not something I would want to deal with regardless of how frequently you get them. I also read they can lead to genital herpes in some cases so regardless of how common that is, no thank you…. Idk I’m anxious about stuff like that too. I’m not judgmental of people who have it, I just don’t want it.
I don't have geemaphobia of any kind, and I'd like to stay herpes free, just as I'd like to stay chickenpox free so I never have to experience shingles.
I don't want to contract a preventable disease that could cause issues for me and my health down the track. I think that's reasonable.
I am a huge germaphobe and I contracted genital herpes from someone who was asymptomatic and didn’t know he had it. It’s common and sucks.
I literally have a cold sore right now. If you don't touch it, beat case scenario, you have this one or a few oozing bubbles on your lip that won't cover with makeup for a week. I completely understand why people are "weird" about it. Especially when you've just met or don't know how you can avoid contracting them. Sounds like she was hurt and just wants to make him the bad guy to feel better.
I had a friend like this. So passive aggressive. Some people are just so completely entitled and need to feel the drama everywhere they go.
I don’t have time for that. No one does.
4:53 IIRC she said in her tiktok that originallly blew up about her matchmaking she said she wanted an A-type personality who took charge and whatnot. But she has to say that to the guy on the date that she needs someone to take charge and plan the dates during a certain period of time etc
She also just seems really passive aggressive and manipulative.
The funny thing is that she thinks she’s the real deal 😂😂😂
Aww, this is one of those "why are you the villain in your own story?" situations.
Some people are out here playing mind games, expecting someone else to read their mind, and still think they’re going to find their soulmate. 😂
Cold sores aren’t genetic afaik but are very commonly passed from parent to child, for example if a parent kisses their child when they have a cold sore, shares chapstick, eats from the same spoon/fork/plate or drinks from the same cup/straw. I know many people with cold sores but thankfully I do not have them 🎉
I once had a FIRST DATE with someone that told me that her "cuchi" stinks and started explaining it is not because she has a yeast infection or STD. That was ruled out by a Dr. It was because of the Ph and some liners. All of this in the first date, immediately when we got to the restaurant to order some food. As you can guess, i never called her back.
These guys have definitely dodged a bullet. 😜
I’m over here wondering when brunch became 12 or 1 o’clock. Hun, that’s lunch.
I live in Los Angeles. I’ve dated several girls in Orange County. As the man, I always make sure I drive to them. It’s about 45 to 60 miles away depending where in Orange County. I usually ask the girl where she wants to eat, because it’s literally another county away from me and I have no idea what’s around there. She lives there, I am 45 to 60 miles away.if this girl has an issue with having to pick out a place that she likes, I don’t see that as heavy lifting, I see that as either being considerate, or in my case, me having absolutely zero idea what’s around you and you have every idea of what’s around you.
I...kind of get where she's coming from with the brunch thing. At least, initially. I think the person who suggests the date should have the plan pretty fully formed, so you can present something concrete and ask "hey do you wanna do [specific thing] or would [something closer] work better for you?" And then the other person could say whatever.
BUT at the same time, as you said: communication. Lmao! It's insane how these grown ass people won't just... Say what they want. Like. "Hey it was your idea! You suggest the places :p" or whatever
People are exhausting I'm gonna live in the woods or a swamp by myself and be Shrek or something lmao
Her behavior is immature. It doesn't surprise me why she's single still.
I don’t know, call me shallow, but learning someone has an STD would be enough for me to call something off, even one as manageable and reasonably benign as herpes. I’ve made it to 40 with a clean bill of sexual health, and I can’t see jeopardizing that for someone I’m just getting to know, especially since it can be spread by kissing. But whether that was the reason or the excuse, dude dodged a bullet. I can’t imagine dating someone who is keeping a running tally of all the reasons to not be with me.
Not shallow at all.
like 90% of adults have some strain of "herpies" its not as bad as other strains. Some might be a carrier without presenting symptoms. Weird asf to mention it on a date like 50 times tho.
When they say "have standards", this is not what they meant 😅
100%
I watch your videos while getting ready for work. Thank you for all the hard work you put into your videos ❤
i watch them randomly when they pop in my feed but im always so thankful bc they're entertaining 🩷🩷😁
Theres a lot of herpes misinformation in this comment section.
I was thinking the same thing. I have genital HSV type 1 and it really bugs me how uneducated people are and how stigmatized it is.
@marzgirl99 I understand. It's definitely not life ending lol I find most people actually don't care as long as you're upfront. They may have questions, but that's just the time to educate them on how genital herpes works. I feel like people believe it's a constant thing that needs to be dealt with when most people who have it only experience 1 break out then never again OR only experience a break out every few years. The longer you've had it, the less frequent your break outs become (barring the circumstances where you need medication). In all my research, it is incredibly unlikely you'd catch herpes if there is no active break out. And I've had cold sores in the past, I think 2 times in my life. I haven't had one in over a decade at this point.
Im too early, these comments are fucking wild
The amount of people telling on themselves is funny and sad at the same time. 😅
I feel like these are the type of people that are perpetually single or in horrible social media driven relationships (post after post of smiles, yet sit at home arguing). The people that have long lasting relationships and are happy don’t act like this.
I dont kiss my husband when i have a cold sore. It really isnt that big of a deal imo, but i will not try to give my husband a disease that my parents gave me
I’ve always told my partners when I have cold sores not to kiss me… they have all kissed me regardless (sometimes making my cold sore worse 😂) and ironically not a single one has had a cold sore since 🤔
I also do find a silly dark humor in saying “my father gave me herpes.. simplex 1” 😂
Tbh I kinda see her point in the brunch situation. There are many men who just wanna cruise by doing the bare minimum. Why does it need to be told for you to plan a brunch? Also, if the man is bad at planning HE could have been upfront about it too. Honestly it's an ESH situation there. They both could have done better.
Im gonna show my kids her videos to teach them about what NOT to do and what you shouldn't be expecting from what is essentially just an attractive stranger
I always come back to this video when I need a good laugh
Whenever I would have a cold sore my sister would bring the separate water bottle and cutlery set I could use because she didn’t want to catch it 😂
Remember when once I forgot myself and drank the water from the bottle I wasn’t supposed to she completely lost it and was furious and our parents were like girl calm down it’s not a big deal get over it 😂
The only thing this guy did wrong is to suggest 2pm as a time for brunch. What is brunch? It's Breakfast-Lunch. When does Brunch occur? Between breakfast time and lunch time. 2pm is late lunch bordering on afternoon tea. Even she's saying 12-1 which is just straight up lunch. What's wrong with these people?
Edit to add: I do feel bad for her about the cold sore. Are we still being silly about cold sores? It's very common and literally not a problem. It can be genetic, or passed on during birth. She probably just mentioned it because it's just uncomfortable and she was likely warning him that kissing was off the table for the date.
I feel like brunch hours typically tend to be from 10-2pm since it’s a combination of breakfast and lunch. Like the last two hours of breakfast time, and the first two hours of lunch. Either way suggesting at 9:45 that they meet at 2 was a bit of a stretch. They both should’ve sorted all that the night before.
I've decided in the past not to engage in a romantic relationship with a person for having oral herpes. I was polite about it and grateful for their honesty, but personally, I think everyone has the right to having an autonomous choice as to what they want to expose to their immune system. I personally am not trying to add another condition to the list of stuff I have to deal with, even if it is just a minor inconvenience. I'm also not going to shame anyone over it either though.
I agree, there's no shame or judgement in it either, just don't want to risk it
Do you realise most people have it? Even if they don’t tell you or don’t know? 80% of the population in the US carries it and can be transmissible at at time. If you have kissed more than 3 people I guarantee you would have kissed someone with it.
You can have it and never know it because it lies dormant.
@@sinistararies2975 you can get tested for it. Thankfully, I don't have it. Ideally, I'd like to keep it that way. If I ever find out i do have it, I will absolutely disclose to any partners and let them decide for themselves how they would like to proceed. It really isn't that big of a deal. 🤷🏽♀️
I got it from someone who was asymptomatic and didn’t know he had it. Not everyone is so fortunate to choose 🤷🏻♀️
LMAO she's going to be forever alone
"I'm not sitting around waiting for a response " she's literally complaining she didn't get a double text because she wants him to be desperate
Cold sores are actually SUPER common. John Hopkins does estimate 50-80% of US adults have the virus, so I think the burden is on the person who doesn’t know to do like 2 mins of googling and get informed on it. But I do have a feeling that the cold sore isn’t the real issue. She might need to do some actual therapy work to see if she self sabotaging her love life.
Right. You can dump someone for having cold sores but 1. you probably have it too and 2. the next person probably has it. Doctors don’t even know the full extent because testing is discouraged because most people have the virus and don’t have symptoms so there’s no utility in knowing. This is what my doc said when I asked why it’s not in the STD panel
"The cold sore is not the biggest deal in the world!" Yeah tell that to people with autoimmune illnesses and a diminished immune system
Damn time to get tf outta my own way, thanks for that solid dose of wisdom ❤️❤️
The strategizing and schemes are really at the forefront in the dating scene these days. Or so it seems to me, a monogamous outsider who has been with the same man for 13 or so years😅 we don’t even know our “anniversary” bc it was pretty much an instant partnership lol GOD am I thankful lol I think that as far as the women, we play those games, like “who texts who first” or calculating the amount of time between messages or any of that shit where they make it into moves on a chessboard, when we have been hurt in the recent past. I almost didn’t give my now father of my daughter a chance but he didn’t play those games and melted my defenses lol I’m SO thankful I escaped tinder and the general vibe to dating these days
I’d argue that constantly brining up your cold sore and pointing out that it’s related to herpes is MORE stigmatizing of cold soars. If she had simply just said “yeah it’s an annoying thing I get from time to time, just little blisters, no worries” and left it at that she’d be fine. I would only ever tell someone I’ve been on 4 dates with that I have herpes if I LEGITIMATELY had an sti. That’s absolutely insane.
I’m 48 years old and just recently found out about cold sores. I’ve never had one and don’t know anyone other than the couple that have them. To assume it’s not a big deal is shady
@5:47 My thoughts/feelings exactly. Im exhausted just reading this short text exchange.
15 hour dates aren't unheard of. They're not necessarily planned. It's more like, for me anyway, you hang out and enjoy each other so much you're like . "What do you wanna do now?" You could watch TV and go get dinner and all kinds of stuff. It's easy if you click and vibe together really well.
We love Giulia for pulling us out of our delusions
it should never be this difficult 💀 sheesh
It’s giving “low self esteem, so I gotta put everyone down before I’m rejected first” because her personality is dependent on others failures.
I feel so bad for this dude. He was so polite to her, asking her places she recommends and then she acted like an immature child.
9:20 - just want to say that my husband and I had a couple very long 'dates' (before our official "first date", more just getting to know each other, but both definitely interested), about 9 hours. We mostly just walked around an outdoor shopping center and talked :) So I don't think that in particular is super weird if you really connect with someone!
Honestly it sounds nice - the way you explained your experience, like hanging w a best friend and romantic partner all in one- I think I’m skeptical of her longer dates based on the seemingly very high expectations and little communication.
@@READYTOGLARE Yeah i do agree with you, the way she presents these stories and the many red flags she gives off makes me give serious sideeye as well!
I’ve had several long dates in the past as well. Sometimes you plan to meet someone for one date activity, and you enjoy each other’s company so much that you end up spending the whole day together doing other date activities (catching a movie, grabbing a drink so you can chat more, etc)
That woman is Michael Scott
This is just the dating version of bad parents wondering why their kids don't talk to them anymore after age 25.
If your dating life is so miserable that NOBODY is working out, then you are probably the issue- not the plethora of other people who have equally no heavy investment in you.
Sis is her own worst enemy, all those dudes she went on a date with def dodged a bullet. My god
So weird how everyone stopped being reasonable on dates, kinda like the score card thing you were mentioning, and it's also like people just expect the dates to revolve around everything they want instead of just kicking it and trying something new, weird stuff.
This kinda… leads back into the argument some guys have where they’re expected to be mind reader and the efforts they *do* put forth are reprimanded because (again) they weren’t a mind reader and took them to a place their date didn’t want to go or didn’t like the vibes of the restaurant/date when there wasn’t a prompt in general in the first place.
(A separate issue is men who are given a straight syllabus on the kind of dates their partners want to go on and then are confused when she’s upset they went to the bar to watch him drinking and watching the game.)
That title 😂💀 thanks to you I don't need to be on TikTok 😂
umm distracted the whole video you look so good i love this hair !!!
maybe she rejects people so she can keep making content. seems impossible to win with this lady
Lol it’s bad enough she’s the way she is…but to put it online and show everyone. Good luck ever finding someone in life. This somehow says she always single😂
It was weird about the cold sore part but she is right 90% of public have cold sores and are asymptomatic and will not pop up so yes she is right about cold sores and anyone can get them
This is a potentially beautiful beginning to a Netflix series on being chronically single forever. Honestly. I would watch.
I love your new hair! ❤
It's so pretty! She's always so pretty I just can't bring myself to say anything without saying The Most because It's Clear how much work she puts into Everything.
I’d def break something off over cold sores though 😂
This is so infuriating…
So she told him she has HERPES and gets offended when he leaves.. what