Some call us the lost generation. Bright, with so much potential and hope, crushed by the struggle. I was diagnosed in my 50’s, but had to fly back to a specialist in the US to get it done. With that I was able to get my daughters diagnosed. It changed their lives overnight.
I'm weeping as I listen. I'm 53, with an upcoming appointment to see if I can be diagnosed, terrified I won't be, and then all these things really will be my fault.
No one else Has to decide. Labels may help you get services, but the screen base era will help you heal the wounds. Honey Bloom and fly, you all ready found the door to go through! Me 70. Dx age 56 I got freeeeeee
Right there with you. Assessment in 4 weeks. I know I have ADHD, just hoping the doctor agrees so I can access treatment. I hope your appointment went well.
@@Linda_Eskin It did. My psychiatrist, who's known me for years, was stunned. It was an aha moment for both of us, realizing the cause of so many of my issues isn't what we thought it was. I hope yours goes as well as mine did!
I am a 50 year old woman who still hasn’t had an official diagnosis because I can’t afford to get it done, but I know I have adhd and I’ve always had it. I think back to my school years and early adulthood and I still can’t help but cry. It was ;still is) such a lonely and confusing impairment to live with. I have coed because I HAD to but I’ve also learned (the hard way) that without what I lovingly refer to as ‘adult’ supervision, I lost the plot and lost the lot. 😢
I was able to get diagnosed at McClain hospital near Boston and my insurance paid. Push your doctor. I’m not yet on medication but I’ve learned so much from TH-cam.
I was put with the unruly boys sombody knew They scared me more Teased relentlessly Im now 50 My child was taken because of lies from my abusers and court liaisons. (Diagnosis at 49 ) Plus The refusal to acknowledge my ADHD diagnosis. Playing undocumented lies and fabricated truth. Regardless My children love me. However others have not only rejected me but completely severed my child from me; calling me mental. ignoring my therapists repeated progress notes which state high ACES scores; significant childhood trauma. Also by definition a good enough parent in the DSM. Every day i miss my child. Everyday I cry And many days i now think, why bother. If your whole family Then a whole courtroom After a whole neighborhood Tell you your weird unusual different mental a snob a guy these were only a few of the adult bullying I ran into. family aggressiveness hurts. misunderstandings hurt. I am a multitasker and can do about anything i need to do. Including home repair , car repair, , roofing, walls, electrical. Research and reports. Cooking cleaning and my favorit helping with my childrenshomework in college I passed algebra with trade. In child psychology If I'm interested in something I'm good at it. Not legal language as it seems rhetoric and phoney and hardly distinguished proper or Fair. One thing I cant ; wish I could do is change or sway the hearts and minds of people. I do not have this talent I feel it wrong to do anyway. .but Now This is one of my interrests Heightening the awareness and the major stigma that goes with it .the money to crank out more CPS more police to chaperone the bad people. Who may have a stigma and is the easiest prey. I think wrong. We need better training better understanding & more compassion. as my American Indian School teacher said" never judge a person, unless you've walked a mile in their moccasins "
So sad, girls and women weren’t diagnosed all those years ago. If your diagnosed you know and learn how to deal with it. We are good people, who’s brains work a little differently. We are often miss understood, and berated for being who we are. I’m so grateful there’s more people talking about ADHD, thanks also to these videos.
45 years in AA and over 25+ years sober but one year sober today . Lack of constancy. I don’t agree about addiction as I had an eating disorder that moved to alcohol and then to bulimia when I got sober. I definitely have emotional dis regulation. I didn’t discover this till I was 70.
I got my asd and adhd diagnoses last year at 40. People just thought I was quiet shy and aloof. if only that were the case. I always had both. just no one noticed cause no one questions the quiet girl daydreaming in the corner who gets good grades not cause they pay attention in class but because I had no friends and had lots of time to do my work at recess and after school.
The quiet girl. I was one of those. Quiet because I was always terrified. Terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing, terrified of being noticed (that was always a bad thing in my family), terrified that something would be asked of me that I couldn't do, terrified of punishment, of humiliation, of being exposed. I was an only child of older, emotionally immature and abusive parents who expected me to be quiet at all times, to stay in my room when I wasn't in school or of any use to them. The anxiety and fear caused me to stop talking for several years as a child. No one noticed or cared. I've since learned to mask and can now speak to anyone. I have worked many jobs,some of which I had to be able to switch effortlessly between the three languages I speak. But I still won't go to parties or dinners because it is too stressful. Never had a diagnoses. But now that I'm old, retired and widowed, I find myself having difficulty doing what I need to do without someone else around to keep me on track. My house and property are a constant mess. My energy is very low with only the occasional day of normal energy/concentration/executive functioning. I wonder if medication would help. But since I don't have a diagnosis that isn't possible.
Wow And sorry writing priority lists can help. Also there are amazing people online. do research and find a psychiatrist who are also online They can go over all these issues🙏you find what you need and deserve. It is a difficult past but future may be bright 😎
@@katella I've never before stumbled across a detailed description of myself on the Internet. I pretty much knew I'd fall apart when I retired, because I knew how my external work schedule held me together and forced me to organise and meet deadlines. And yes, it happened, and knowing it would was no protection. I too can't regulate myself now I don't have my partner to be accountable to. I try to use family members for this purpose or invent other things to be accountable to, but I don't fool myself. I too speak three languages fluently but find social gatherings too stressful, even in light of my understanding of and knowledge about ADHD, and even though I mask very successfully and can speak with anyone and nobody guesses my difficulties. I too had older, distant parents and an emotionally abusive mother in particular, a narcissist, who herself had suffered an ADHD-traumatic childhood and without recognising the link, scapegoated me and made sure I suffered too. Being silent was the only safe policy, but I still wasn't safe, not anywhere, with school being a daily nightmare where my intelligence felt like stupidity, never having anyone to unburden to, nor any idea what it was I needed to unburden, or what it was that set me apart. My energy is as low as yours, and I spend almost all of it each day trying to regulate my life, forcing myself to apply my mind and physical energy to the things I'm bad at doing, like tidying and cleaning, answering the mail, dealing with finances, all the stuff other people just DO... and spending almost none doing the things that I'm actually good at, and enjoy. This retirement, that I worked so hard for, is incredibly stressful and makes me weep. There IS some potential for medication to help at our age. I know because I sometimes use my son's methylphenidate. I have no compunction at all about using his spare meds (he doesn't take his consistently... surprise surprise) because I'm unlikely to go through the diagnosis process myself. The effect is not straightforward for me. I feel more drive, though it can feel a little closer to being agitated than to being energised. I can use that, though, to some extent. I can get into hyperfocus using Ritalin and get stuff done, usually the right stuff, but I can still end up on the wrong target - the executive function problem isn't temporarily cured. ( I find I can hyper focus. and be productive quite well anyway. with no help, after years of training myself, just not on certain things). It probably helps most with that eternal problem of getting started on things - overcoming that terrible barrier that provokes so much fear of stuff I'm so bad at, like tidying and organising, sorting out finances, and communicating in certain ways. It does take the edge off the fear and make me more likely to say, "I can start this... what's the worst that could happen? It's not as difficult as I thought, other people do this all the time." So if you can find a source of Ritalin to test, I would think it worthwhile experimenting. My son has ADHD and autistic spectrum disorder (I'm probably close to the ASD diagnosis threshold myself, though almost nobody but myself would agree) but of the two it is the ADHD which has absolutely wrecked his life. I've been a lot more successful, so people would say, and yet when I see my son's life I realise just how damned hard I must always have worked to keep my head above water. And my reward in retirement is that my head is no longer above water, it's under a lot of the time and I'm gasping for air. Wishing you all the best, and thank you for your post, Katella.
I was the same way. My ADHD was diagnosed at 12, and only because my little brother was diagnosed. Then my guardian took me off my medication because she thought it wasn't real and we were going to become addicted to it. I'm 31 and only just now getting any professionals to take my suspicion of autism seriously. I hate how much we've been forced to struggle and cope and mask for other people's comfort.
@@UncleverCarapace The prejudice against ADHD medication has been terrible. If your guardian had taken you off epilepsy medication because of her irrational beliefs, she would have been in big trouble. You're so right we've been forced to suffer for other people's comfort. Hope you get your diagnosis and feel more at ease.
"Sometimes the results could be subtle, but they could still be important." Absolutely! I wasn't even sure if the Vyvanse was effective for me until I tried to go off of it. It doesn't work as well as I wish, but it definitely makes a difference [and without the negating side effects of other ADHD meds]. I almost ended up mixing Drano with Cleaning solution that was in a similar looking container on one of my "drug holidays." I've also noticed others picking up on something different about my communication [that I am less consciously aware of] when my meds are wearing off.
Thank you for an excellent presentation re ADhD longitudinal study findings. A reminder that this superpower, harnessed & well-managed, can be leveraged to achieve more than we ever imagined. Kudos!
This is not a freaking super power it is crippling to live with it, undiagnosed in my late 30s and ready to die. This is toxic positivity that dismisses and minimises everyones struggles
@@elle3901 Not diminishing ADhD in anyway. I’m an adult Dx’d late too. Living w/ADhD is Hell on Earth if not recognized, addressed, & managed. It can also wax/wane, w/symptoms missed by doctors bc a sched appt occurs when symptoms aren’t flaring. Take care.
finally officially diagnosed at 27 after years knowing for sure. Being the glass child and with it manifesting differently in girls, I was definitely overlooked. My 10 year old daughter was diagnosed at 5, pretty positive she has comorbid ODD also. My 5 year old son was diagnosed in October.
I was a "gifted" kid. I was in seen as relatively cool but not top level popular kinda middle. I was in the "smart kid" classes and praised for my school work and sport and musical talent. Things went to shit as I got older and there were more responsibilities then your intelligence and capability is almost weaponised against you. Coming from an extremely high achieving family and two years behind my extremely gifted and well behaved sister I felt I wasn't "allowed" to have problems or struggle with anything because I was smart. Noone could conceive of how I could struggle with simple or complex things if I was intelligent, so if I didn't do well, it was because I didn't want to. If I asked for help or tried to explain my problems, I was making excuses and trying to avoid the responsibility or lazy or useless. I feel as a girl especially I just felt I had no choice but to internalise all the anxiety, shame, frustration, fear and confusion. Especially with hormones thrown in as a teenager as I had pushed it all inside it came out in the form of exceededly and increasingly low self esteem and self harm/cutting. I think the impulsivity part of the ADHD probably added to the fact that I chose self harming. Hopefully the next generation have more luck now we know more about girls. As with all medical research we need more data on how females present differently as this is across the board, even with purely physical conditions such as heart attacks. I should add this self harming was in the 1990s so before it was more commonplace.
I’m 40 and just got diagnosed and this makes me think that I’m definitely mostly adult onset. I had issues with procrastination and some risky behaviour, but overall I was sensible, well behaved with a large group of friends which seems not aligned with these findings
There's nothing to celebrate about my ADHD. I'm in my 50s, undiagnosed until a couple of years ago. I went through all the negatives mentioned, and then some. I'm intelligent, but not as well educated as I could be. I don't have the focus to have a better career - mine is ok but not great, therefore my income earning potential is diminished. My memory is like Dory from Finding Nemo, so dieting and exercise are incredibly hard . Social Isolation in younger years was painful, then I learned how to get boys attention. Also not a great part of life. If I could get rid of my ADHD I would do it in a heartbeat. We need so much more help. Start at the school gate - easy test - which parents are there to pick their kids up super early because they can't stand to queue. Who supermarket shops outside of normal hours because they can't queue. Whose kids forget their gym gear/lunch.
There’s a definite downplaying of symptoms for women in menopause or peri….and if some outgrow it why are so many still struggling into old age or as elders?Info from the “experts” in the field seems inconsistent…
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I’m a survivor. I’m over my eating disorder, I put down the alcohol and I’m learning to love myself at 75.
Well done, 😉
You are an inspiration!
@@tmjewel Yes she is!
I right there with you. 70 years old, survivor, just diagnosed with ADHD. 2 months on appropriate meds - life changing! No more shame
Binge eating disorder? How did u heal? It’s been a 30 yr struggle for me:(😢
Some call us the lost generation. Bright, with so much potential and hope, crushed by the struggle. I was diagnosed in my 50’s, but had to fly back to a specialist in the US to get it done. With that I was able to get my daughters diagnosed. It changed their lives overnight.
I'm weeping as I listen. I'm 53, with an upcoming appointment to see if I can be diagnosed, terrified I won't be, and then all these things really will be my fault.
No one else
Has to decide. Labels may help you get services, but the screen base era will help you heal the wounds. Honey Bloom and fly, you all ready found the door to go through! Me 70. Dx age 56 I got freeeeeee
Right there with you. Assessment in 4 weeks. I know I have ADHD, just hoping the doctor agrees so I can access treatment. I hope your appointment went well.
@@Linda_Eskin It did. My psychiatrist, who's known me for years, was stunned. It was an aha moment for both of us, realizing the cause of so many of my issues isn't what we thought it was. I hope yours goes as well as mine did!
*hugs*
I am a 50 year old woman who still hasn’t had an official diagnosis because I can’t afford to get it done, but I know I have adhd and I’ve always had it.
I think back to my school years and early adulthood and I still can’t help but cry.
It was ;still is) such a lonely and confusing impairment to live with. I have coed because I HAD to but I’ve also learned (the hard way) that without what I lovingly refer to as ‘adult’ supervision, I lost the plot and lost the lot. 😢
Agreed. Those of us who grew up back when “girls don’t get ADHD” was common got royally screwed. 😖
I was able to get diagnosed at McClain hospital near Boston and my insurance paid. Push your doctor. I’m not yet on medication but I’ve learned so much from TH-cam.
I was put with the unruly boys sombody knew
They scared me more
Teased relentlessly
Im now 50
My child was taken because of lies from my abusers and court liaisons. (Diagnosis at 49 )
Plus
The refusal to acknowledge my ADHD diagnosis. Playing undocumented lies and fabricated truth. Regardless My children love me. However others have not only rejected me but completely severed my child from me; calling me mental. ignoring my therapists repeated progress notes which state high ACES scores; significant childhood trauma. Also by definition a good enough parent in the DSM.
Every day i miss my child. Everyday I cry
And many days
i now think, why bother.
If your whole family
Then a whole courtroom
After a whole neighborhood
Tell you your weird unusual different mental a snob a guy these were only a few of the adult bullying I ran into.
family aggressiveness hurts. misunderstandings hurt. I am a multitasker and can do about anything i need to do. Including home repair , car repair, , roofing, walls, electrical. Research and reports. Cooking cleaning and my favorit helping with my childrenshomework in college I passed algebra with trade. In child psychology
If I'm interested in something I'm good at it. Not legal language as it seems rhetoric and phoney and hardly distinguished proper or Fair.
One thing I cant ;
wish I could do is change or sway the hearts and minds of people. I do not have this talent I feel it wrong to do anyway.
.but Now This is one of my interrests
Heightening the awareness and the major stigma that goes with it .the money to crank out more CPS more police to chaperone the bad people. Who may have a stigma and is the easiest prey. I think wrong.
We need better training better understanding & more compassion. as my American Indian School teacher said" never judge a person, unless you've walked a mile in their moccasins "
So sad, girls and women weren’t diagnosed all those years ago. If your diagnosed you know and learn how to deal with it. We are good people, who’s brains work a little differently. We are often miss understood, and berated for being who we are. I’m so grateful there’s more people talking about ADHD, thanks also to these videos.
45 years in AA and over 25+ years sober but one year sober today . Lack of constancy. I don’t agree about addiction as I had an eating disorder that moved to alcohol and then to bulimia when I got sober. I definitely have emotional dis regulation. I didn’t discover this till I was 70.
I got my asd and adhd diagnoses last year at 40. People just thought I was quiet shy and aloof. if only that were the case.
I always had both. just no one noticed cause no one questions the quiet girl daydreaming in the corner who gets good grades not cause they pay attention in class but because I had no friends and had lots of time to do my work at recess and after school.
The quiet girl. I was one of those. Quiet because I was always terrified. Terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing, terrified of being noticed (that was always a bad thing in my family), terrified that something would be asked of me that I couldn't do, terrified of punishment, of humiliation, of being exposed. I was an only child of older, emotionally immature and abusive parents who expected me to be quiet at all times, to stay in my room when I wasn't in school or of any use to them. The anxiety and fear caused me to stop talking for several years as a child. No one noticed or cared. I've since learned to mask and can now speak to anyone. I have worked many jobs,some of which I had to be able to switch effortlessly between the three languages I speak. But I still won't go to parties or dinners because it is too stressful. Never had a diagnoses. But now that I'm old, retired and widowed, I find myself having difficulty doing what I need to do without someone else around to keep me on track. My house and property are a constant mess. My energy is very low with only the occasional day of normal energy/concentration/executive functioning. I wonder if medication would help. But since I don't have a diagnosis that isn't possible.
Wow
And sorry
writing priority lists can help.
Also there are amazing people online.
do research and find a psychiatrist who are also online
They can go over all these issues🙏you find what you need and deserve. It is a difficult past but future may be bright
😎
@@katella I've never before stumbled across a detailed description of myself on the Internet.
I pretty much knew I'd fall apart when I retired, because I knew how my external work schedule held me together and forced me to organise and meet deadlines. And yes, it happened, and knowing it would was no protection.
I too can't regulate myself now I don't have my partner to be accountable to. I try to use family members for this purpose or invent other things to be accountable to, but I don't fool myself.
I too speak three languages fluently but find social gatherings too stressful, even in light of my understanding of and knowledge about ADHD, and even though I mask very successfully and can speak with anyone and nobody guesses my difficulties.
I too had older, distant parents and an emotionally abusive mother in particular, a narcissist, who herself had suffered an ADHD-traumatic childhood and without recognising the link, scapegoated me and made sure I suffered too. Being silent was the only safe policy, but I still wasn't safe, not anywhere, with school being a daily nightmare where my intelligence felt like stupidity, never having anyone to unburden to, nor any idea what it was I needed to unburden, or what it was that set me apart.
My energy is as low as yours, and I spend almost all of it each day trying to regulate my life, forcing myself to apply my mind and physical energy to the things I'm bad at doing, like tidying and cleaning, answering the mail, dealing with finances, all the stuff other people just DO... and spending almost none doing the things that I'm actually good at, and enjoy. This retirement, that I worked so hard for, is incredibly stressful and makes me weep.
There IS some potential for medication to help at our age. I know because I sometimes use my son's methylphenidate. I have no compunction at all about using his spare meds (he doesn't take his consistently... surprise surprise) because I'm unlikely to go through the diagnosis process myself. The effect is not straightforward for me. I feel more drive, though it can feel a little closer to being agitated than to being energised. I can use that, though, to some extent. I can get into hyperfocus using Ritalin and get stuff done, usually the right stuff, but I can still end up on the wrong target - the executive function problem isn't temporarily cured. ( I find I can hyper focus. and be productive quite well anyway. with no help, after years of training myself, just not on certain things). It probably helps most with that eternal problem of getting started on things - overcoming that terrible barrier that provokes so much fear of stuff I'm so bad at, like tidying and organising, sorting out finances, and communicating in certain ways. It does take the edge off the fear and make me more likely to say, "I can start this... what's the worst that could happen? It's not as difficult as I thought, other people do this all the time." So if you can find a source of Ritalin to test, I would think it worthwhile experimenting.
My son has ADHD and autistic spectrum disorder (I'm probably close to the ASD diagnosis threshold myself, though almost nobody but myself would agree) but of the two it is the ADHD which has absolutely wrecked his life.
I've been a lot more successful, so people would say, and yet when I see my son's life I realise just how damned hard I must always have worked to keep my head above water. And my reward in retirement is that my head is no longer above water, it's under a lot of the time and I'm gasping for air.
Wishing you all the best, and thank you for your post, Katella.
I was the same way. My ADHD was diagnosed at 12, and only because my little brother was diagnosed. Then my guardian took me off my medication because she thought it wasn't real and we were going to become addicted to it.
I'm 31 and only just now getting any professionals to take my suspicion of autism seriously.
I hate how much we've been forced to struggle and cope and mask for other people's comfort.
@@UncleverCarapace The prejudice against ADHD medication has been terrible. If your guardian had taken you off epilepsy medication because of her irrational beliefs, she would have been in big trouble.
You're so right we've been forced to suffer for other people's comfort.
Hope you get your diagnosis and feel more at ease.
"Sometimes the results could be subtle, but they could still be important."
Absolutely! I wasn't even sure if the Vyvanse was effective for me until I tried to go off of it. It doesn't work as well as I wish, but it definitely makes a difference [and without the negating side effects of other ADHD meds]. I almost ended up mixing Drano with Cleaning solution that was in a similar looking container on one of my "drug holidays." I've also noticed others picking up on something different about my communication [that I am less consciously aware of] when my meds are wearing off.
Thank you for an excellent presentation re ADhD longitudinal study findings. A reminder that this superpower, harnessed & well-managed, can be leveraged to achieve more than we ever imagined. Kudos!
This is not a freaking super power it is crippling to live with it, undiagnosed in my late 30s and ready to die. This is toxic positivity that dismisses and minimises everyones struggles
@@elle3901 Not diminishing ADhD in anyway. I’m an adult Dx’d late too. Living w/ADhD is Hell on Earth if not recognized, addressed, & managed. It can also wax/wane, w/symptoms missed by doctors bc a sched appt occurs when symptoms aren’t flaring. Take care.
finally officially diagnosed at 27 after years knowing for sure. Being the glass child and with it manifesting differently in girls, I was definitely overlooked.
My 10 year old daughter was diagnosed at 5, pretty positive she has comorbid ODD also. My 5 year old son was diagnosed in October.
I was a "gifted" kid. I was in seen as relatively cool but not top level popular kinda middle. I was in the "smart kid" classes and praised for my school work and sport and musical talent. Things went to shit as I got older and there were more responsibilities then your intelligence and capability is almost weaponised against you. Coming from an extremely high achieving family and two years behind my extremely gifted and well behaved sister I felt I wasn't "allowed" to have problems or struggle with anything because I was smart. Noone could conceive of how I could struggle with simple or complex things if I was intelligent, so if I didn't do well, it was because I didn't want to. If I asked for help or tried to explain my problems, I was making excuses and trying to avoid the responsibility or lazy or useless. I feel as a girl especially I just felt I had no choice but to internalise all the anxiety, shame, frustration, fear and confusion. Especially with hormones thrown in as a teenager as I had pushed it all inside it came out in the form of exceededly and increasingly low self esteem and self harm/cutting. I think the impulsivity part of the ADHD probably added to the fact that I chose self harming. Hopefully the next generation have more luck now we know more about girls. As with all medical research we need more data on how females present differently as this is across the board, even with purely physical conditions such as heart attacks. I should add this self harming was in the 1990s so before it was more commonplace.
I’m 40 and just got diagnosed and this makes me think that I’m definitely mostly adult onset. I had issues with procrastination and some risky behaviour, but overall I was sensible, well behaved with a large group of friends which seems not aligned with these findings
There's nothing to celebrate about my ADHD. I'm in my 50s, undiagnosed until a couple of years ago. I went through all the negatives mentioned, and then some. I'm intelligent, but not as well educated as I could be. I don't have the focus to have a better career - mine is ok but not great, therefore my income earning potential is diminished. My memory is like Dory from Finding Nemo, so dieting and exercise are incredibly hard . Social Isolation in younger years was painful, then I learned how to get boys attention. Also not a great part of life. If I could get rid of my ADHD I would do it in a heartbeat. We need so much more help. Start at the school gate - easy test - which parents are there to pick their kids up super early because they can't stand to queue. Who supermarket shops outside of normal hours because they can't queue. Whose kids forget their gym gear/lunch.
There’s a definite downplaying of symptoms for women in menopause or peri….and if some outgrow it why are so many still struggling into old age or as elders?Info from the “experts” in the field seems inconsistent…
Yes, I need an expert to help me get these services:-(
You always have had it🐲🐲🐲🐲
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