They can. I got away from my narcissist mother and members of my family have told me that she stalks me on social media and has pictures of me and my friends on her phone. Even though I got away from her she still talks about me behind my back. Sometimes when you get away from a narcissist, they will find other ways to get to you 😂
@@chantaliyah4890 There's no proof of them doing that though. Move to another state if you really have to I would say, it's not like you can't make it clear that you want nothing to do with them.
What I learned from dealing with sociopaths and narcissists my whole life, is that you are responsible for your well-being and safety, and that includes disregarding relationships that are harmful to you. As soon as you see the signs, protect yourself like you would protect your own child and leave immediately. When you learn how to depend on yourself and not from external sources the less you will fall into the traps of love bombing and gaslighting.
Well said, women love yourself, these narcissists really fuck you over, and it’s soul destroying when your a empathetic person who can’t comprehend that someone you thought cared doesn’t give a dam whether your dead or alive it’s hard to accept. But they are the losers in the end, you can see how injured little children they are. And you can’t save them. It’s sad but look after yourself ❤
Thank you. That is how I feel. Because I keep getting hurt, my daughter doesn't love me. Since she has pcos, it only makes it worse. So, I decided no contact and I do feel better. Plus I bought her book. ITS NOT YOU. I can't wait to get it.
It's so much more Evil* than that. God help Me, God help and bless all of Your children-> I need a miracle to get to the hospital before dying of, I believe, sepsis. Calling ambulance bcuz my "boyfriend", of 10 years, is telling Me I'm crazy. The Truth, is being shown to Me through the Power of the Holy Spirit❤. God You are so good, and I trust in You!
You cannot beat yourself up from slipping. If you’re currently going through this, you’re not alone. You’re stronger than you know and you’ll gain so much wisdom from this healing process. The healing process is slow but it’s so worth it. Take your time and don’t skip on self-care, putting your needs first, and nurturing yourself. You’re probably feeling like nobody understands you and you feel so unseen and untrustworthy around people right now. I don’t know you but what I do know is you deserve to feel at peace.❤
For all of you going grey rock, don't give up. Remember that you are going up against a master manipulator with years of practice at breaking people's resolve. You will get better over time until you are the master of your communication. And even when you have your black belt in gray rock, there will be mistakes because you are human. So you've got this!
My sister is classic narcissist and after not speaking with her for a year, she randomly texts me out of the blue with "Hi Sis! How are you?" My response, "Fine, thanks" her response, "Are you pissy at me?" Usually this would have pushed my button but after watching so many of your videos, I continue to grey rock and text "I'm busy at work... what's up?" Her response, "Oh nothing... I was just thinking about you..." I didn't respond. She sent me a text message about 6 weeks later, wishing me a happy birthday. When I responded with a simple "Thanks". she once again tried to push my button with "I don't know why you are so poopie towards me. I don't recall that we had a fight or anything so I don't know why you are basically not talking to me" I explained I was leading a call when she texted and when I replied via my FitBit, it has limited response options. She then tried to guilt trip me in saying that it would be nice to hear from her only sister from time to time. I didn't reply as there is no need to. She is the classic narcissist and keeping things short and no contact is the best solution for my mental health.
I wonder what Her story is about *You... I don't know the story from both perspectives but it's Great* that You have shifted to working on Yourself, and your own needs. God bless You both**💕
@@basicinfo2022 according to the data, narcissists make up about 6% of the population. Not sure where your dating pool is, but it sounds like you’re looking in the wrong places.
It's one of the most painful experiences I've had to endure. I've gone no contact and anyone thinking of doing it, The pain will spike once in awhile but IT'S SO WORTH IT! Your value, self respect and love for yourself will flourish! Cherish your peace and freedom. 💛Saying no to them is saying yes to yourself 💛
@@gjimenez155 I know honey. It's so hard but I promise you you'll be stronger and feel better each day. No contact is so important. It makes the pain worse. I love you and am here for you. Watch Andrews videos everyday even more than once. It will help so much! 🙏🙌✨💫🕊️
I did it then fell for the Hoover and he quickly attacked me so I'm now trying again. This time I won't look back. 7 years of his abuse, his families abuse, friends abuse, he is diabolical which means it can only get better by walking away. It's hard some days but I'm holding strong. I can't ever do it again. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life then ever deal with his lies, gaslighting, rage, cheating again.
@@-blahblahblah I feel you. I went back to the Hoover many times. It's a gruelling process to get out. Like you, I finally wanted to just be alone bf going through one more second of the ongoing lies and more abuse. My brain was like spaghetti by the time I had my light bulb moment and finally started a life without him. No contact is SO IMPORTANT. Stay strong. Stop existing and start living. Get your sparkle back 🌟🌟🌟
@@JuliaLeoSun that's how I feel. I can't get my mind to make it make sense. My mind is scrambled and the only thing I know for sure is this man is cruel, manipulative and enjoys hurting me so, I can't look back regardless how painful it is.
When you become so empowered with who you are and you believe that, you’re a good person, whatever a narcissist does to you could never hurt you and it almost becomes comical because they try so hard to bring you down and they just can’t
The guilt can be tough. "Hopefully I hear more from you this year. It hurts when I don't hear from you." Tough to remind yourself about all the awful things you had to hear from them all this time. It's crazy-making.
_"I miss hanging out with my best friend 😢"_ _"Wish things were different"_ Coming out from the person that insulted me the most. I even told him "In my 32 years I haven't had anybody insulted me as much. Heck, I don't even remember when it was... I was made fun in 8th grade because of a pimple in my nose, but I ignored it and continued with my day. This is way different, the same person I'm going to bed with is calling me names... Why?" I was genuinely curious more than mad. The name calling dropped significantly but no the fights. Why would I want to fight? And then whenever I left I was told 'i wasn't fighting hard enough' I wouldn't call him a "narcissist", like a person that hurts on purpose. He truly believed what he said. It was such a weird situation to experience.
I was so fortunate to be in therapy when I went no contact. My psychiatrist really helped me to keep my focus. Because keeping an even keil was not my natural reaction to the character assassination the ensued. I kept a log and even had my attorney send a letter. I needed a lot of professional help at that point in my life. No contact can be really ugly.
@@bunnyboonot4u I'm convinced that all of the acting out is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. At the end of the day, she needed my supply. I got along without her very well, after the very rough period after I through her out. She moved back to her own house. Her college aged son lived there. He wanted me to take her back more than anyone. I had to go no contact with him too, even though I genuinely like him. When you go no contact, it's not just with the narcissist, it's with evetyone they brought into your life and even people who were your friends, who are not supportive of your decision.
For all of you going grey rock, don't give up. Remember that you are going up against a master manipulator with years of practice at breaking people's resolve. You will get better over time until you are the master of your communication. And even when you have your black belt in gray rock, there will be mistakes because you are human. So you've got this!
@@NavigatingNarcissismPod This is great timing bc I lost my cool the other night & am fighting the urge to respond to his baiting texts. My neighbor & I have become friends over the past few yrs. At first I helped him through a crisis - he'd fallen & couldn't reach phone so yelled for someone to call ambulance. Eventually we got to know each other & ordered food delivery, etc... til I was counseling him through panic attacks & suicidal ideations. We talked enough over time that narcissism is apparent, along w/ PTSD & physical injury (war vet), BPD, as well as alcoholism. I've kept my distance but he pulls me back in w/ his friendly charm & "good side" (also knowing some of my vulnerabilities that make me a target?). I feel like his occasional gifts & favors (along w/ compliments) come w/ an ulterior motive. Recently when his dark side came out (due to a drunken "blackout") I stopped answering my phone for a few days. He apologized & went to VA hospital 2 hrs away for a week. Since he was sober, on proper meds & acting more like the friend I'd known, we talked again when he returned. I mentioned some personal & family stress (Alzheimer's diagnosis, for one) only to get an inappropriate response that triggered me. I usually don't get angry or involved in arguments but the stress came like an erupting volcano & I hung up. Then came his texts & accusations, judgement, & typical narc tactics. When ignored he knocked on my door! I apologized & explained my impatience/anger, yet it has been used against me in further texts. I feel like I made a mistake letting him get too close. What do I do from now on? I can't move & I don't want to contribute to more conflict (bc he'll blame me for ignoring him & likely accuse me of being phony, among other worse things that aren't true). I worry he might be vindictive in other ways (we're in an apt complex).
Seriously. The Book of Ramani 😅needs to be added in lol. Help all people from falling victim to these soul destroying people. But also let’s pray for them.
Once the narcissist monkeys come into the picture, they will bait/ escalate the situation too ! They know what bothers you, and will use that against you !
She really does have this subject down. I’ve lived it for many years. It’s exactly what narcissists do and how they make you feel. It’s for REAL. There’s no joke here or being ambiguous on going NO CONTACT with them. They will destroy your life while you’re still with them and try to (and sometimes succeed) when you leave them. But it’s always better to get out of dodge and stay the hell away. What she didn’t mention was how physically dangerous they can be. I’m lucky I got out alive. If I could help one person by writing all this to seriously get away from a narc, it would help me know I didn’t go through a decade of horrific abuse in vain. Keep listening to the Dr. She definitely knows what she’s talking about. ❤
After 40 yrs of narcissistic abuse from ex and both families I’ve gone no contact forever and love it! I kept my daughters, grandchildren and friends that’s it.
Been married 39 years. Four awesome sons. Three beautiful grandkids. Wife 100 % disabled since 2004. Maybe you could help me to stop being angry at the world for what happened to my wufe that nearly destroyed my family.
Remember, WHATEVER the narcissist does is simply a tactic, a story, & a fantasy. When they attack, remind yourself, "This is not real", "This is not personal". Stay strong & keep up a strong boundary, because ultimately that boundary is what's best & most healing for yourself & for the narcissist as well.
I know. I know it well. This video is so important. Because we can't be perfect all the time. We will get it wrong. Especially if you live with them, they have the ability to wait until you're tired, sick, stressed and then they pounce. Or just attack all day and night until you slip up. But it does get easier the more you do it, as long as it's in a respectful ethical way. Another commenter said in the end as you grow stronger their behaviour becomes comical. And when it's not particularly nasty or picking on that sore point we all have, it really does. I've found an easier way of dealing with their baiting is to expect it. Don't hope they'll be better today. They were a bit nicer, maybe they won't do it today. They will. If you expect it it's easier to not get upset. All the best. These 'people' are exhausting. If we can manage to resist their baiting, no one's bad behaviour will be able to get at us 💪🏻
Well put, thanks for the the reminders! I might as well have a PhD in narcissism, thanks to Ramani & others here on YT, but my buttons were pushed more than once recently. My current narc is living nearby & has pulled me back into his drama no matter how long the NC or GR phase lasted. I thought he might not be full blown NPD bc he actually admitted he was a narcissist once (unusual insight for one), but it has become clear he's BPD which has those traits. Who would've thought that following the Johnny Depp v Heard trial (& all her crazy antics beforehand) would prepare me for this!?? Almost comical but getting scarier bc he succeeded at gaining my friendship. Luckily nothing more!!! 🙏🏼🤯
I went through the same thing!! But I saw her facade before my family did!! It was only after she left for a week they realized how much better they felt when she was gone!! It was like the boiling frog thing!! She was asked to leave. It's been almost a month since she's been gone and its been quiet. But it's the calm before the storm. She'll go to extreme lengths to get a reaction. She can't stand being ignored. She's manipulative, as I'm sure all covert narcissists are, but being manipulative isn't the same as intelligence.
@bunnyboo22-wg1jd stay strong. I'm having to do the same. What helps me is prayer, I can't carry this load alone so trusting in Gid has gotten me through all this and will continue. Now that I've gone no contact my family keeps trying to egg me back so they can resume the awful treatment but I'm not falling for it. It's all the same every time. It would be nice if they actually changed but I doubt it. I love them but for my own sanity and health i have to keep a distance.
@@heidithesausage Do not even respond. They are looking for a response. They want to tell the family you did not respond but they will never tell them WHY. Live your life for YOU.
I agree 1000%!!!! I've been through it too. I'm still healing and learning. Now I understand the anger, pain and trauma they cause and I can relate to people going through it! 💗
Its been days since I received nasty derogatory texts from this narcissist, they do know how to get to me mentally and emotionally, i still haven't responded, even though i wanted to, it does hurt not responding , feeling lonely,isolated and incomplete! I truly hope their is some reward for this because a part of me wants to engage! I havent given in yet! Wanting to go the high road way!
Yes he said to my daughter that she would never achieve anything because she has my DNA to get me mad. And said his son is greater than my fairer in every aspect. I kept silent and ignored him totally. He lost it and threw a plate to me where my daughter is there , eating dinner on the table. This was during dinner. I was covered with food but the plate didn’t hit me, and I got my daughter in my arms. She cried so much and it was her trauma until today. Narcissistic is a demon, their soul are stolen by demons.
@@oceandove thank you so so much. For your kindness 💜💜💜 return this back to you 10x I haven’t found any support then. Well I had a long distance friend who was supportive. It was a harsh time , but I overcome it. Now I am a therapist myself , Turing those hurts and pain into power and empower others. To heal our wounds. And become better version of ourselves every day. 💜💜💜
🙏🏻Thanks, kindly DR Ramani!🔆 I will never forget the last Baiting that Opened my Gray Rock & Tears Streaming… And the Narcissistic Supply Buzzer, caused a Sadistic, Ever Slight Smile of JOY, as they relished & gloated in my PAIN! 🙏🏻💛🔆🕊🍃
Narcs are sick people. They weaponize all personal information, vulnerabilities, and reactions. They themselves are emotionally reactive, yet they shame and weaponize other people's reactions. Then they'll go gossip, spread rumors, lie, and stir up drama.
In my case, it was a bit easy. I slowly phased out toxic friendships, then went no contact completely. I've changed my home address, email address, and phone number. I also deleted all social media accounts. There's no way for them to contact me 😁
Same same, I wouldn’t say it was easy though, it was the toughest time of my life but it has been the most productive and empowering life period, ever. I have been no contact for 3 years. The peace and quiet is just unexplainable. My so called family of origin wouldn’t even try to find me I don’t think; it feels like they are sort of unaffected by my absence ...but, sadly enough, I know that they do need a new family scapegoat which I think is my autistic nephew on the verge of adulthood. My brother is such a cruel person to him. My perception is still very skewed about how much they were triggered by my truth telling ways, but, from what I have seen throughout my 48 years, my mother and narcissist golden child brother would NEVER reach out to me. Ever. I think I’m dead to them now which does make it much easier. Lots of love to all ❤️❤️❤️
I am in this stage now. He didn't say much about me but he has spoken about my grown children. He started to fat shame me, I responded by eating more. Since he's been gone I have lost 5lbs. I'm not going back.
@Kate, you really lost more than 5lbs. How much did he weigh? Well thats how much u lost or should I say got rid of. Don't go back, stay strong minded. You're beautiful ❤
Girl, Dr. Amazing! You have the best advice for us empaths!! You are spot on with the narcissistic abuse! Keep recording these for all the younger empaths that need to know, and for all the older empaths to remember when they forget!❤
Thank you. I needed to hear this. A narcissistic co-worker is sexually bothering me at the workplace, and I'm going to have to tell him off before going completely no-contact with him because I know otherwise, things will only get worse. And it's just as you say, Doctor: they REVEL at seeing us lose our cool. It's as if they are complete psychopaths; I can't believe they do this without realizing -- to me, it's all just an act.
They talk to themselves even when your in the other room call you namesbithbitch about everything call you lazy when they are mean people they put you down as a women but they only are insuring you for free rent food thanks kathy m 5 yes of mental torture I'm forever free from the devil man creep I mean thanks km of portland ore
I couldn't face going no contact, actually afraid to make my narc angry. I tried to keep some kind of "healthy contact" What was I thinking!? There really is no such thing. Seeking out therapy, helped me through this hideous time of threats and manipulation... now I genuinely don't give a flying £*¢€ about him.
Thank you for this. I went grey rock with narcissistic sister in law and she freaked and verbally attacked/assaulted me at a family dinner yelling insults at me. I stayed firm telling her to stop but she wouldn’t until I had to finally get mad and yell back. Disappointed I got mad and then my family tried to accuse me of being equally to blame which is not true, she blindsided me with an attack and I defended myself. I am done beating myself up for it. I know the truth. Thank you Doctor Ramani ❤
That's true they go for you big time especially the narc family unit,it's not easy especially for someone like me who has always stood up to bullies not knowing that's what they wanted to get a reaction,
Thank you for affirming that we can be kind to ourselves when sometimes we snap and our gray rock gets broken. Each time I snap, the feeling of failure can be overwhelming. This is very helpful for when I’ve to pick myself up after one of these “falls”.
Something that made it easier for me to go no contact, after they lied about me to their other kids, those kids stopped responding to me. So walking away was easier.
Mine blocked and ignored me after every discard! For days even weeks I was devastated until I educated myself on what was happening… I used to reverse hoover before I knew what that was! I used to react to the projection… now I just don’t! Slowly letting go .. all because I educated myself and use self isolation as a tool
Every word you speak describes my situation/struggles to a T. It truly gives me hope that I can overcome this narcissistic abuse. All the ways you define a narcissist is mind blowing how accurate you are. I listen to you religiously you keep me on the “grey rock”. Thank you for understanding and articulating all the feelings and emotions I could never find words for. ❤
My sister broke me out of not gray Rick BUT no contact! by through my brother asked me to call her about a health issue! Not only did that phone conversation go to her yelling within 2 minutes, but she was so livid she never even got around to telling me about her health issue!
I blocked my dumper ex after 6 weeks trying to win her back. Well I left email as option if she wants to connect. Its been 8 weeks and she is not doing anything to connect with me. I am taking this as discard and she has a supply lined up as soon as she broke up.
@@parth898patel6 in my case my ex dumped me, then called me like 2 weeks later at 430 am to let me know he’s with someone else and that he did not want to be my friend anymore either. Mind you were together for 4 years so I took it very hard. He literally used and discarded me. I had to go to therapy because it got that bad. He was my everything. It’s been 2 years and I’m with someone new now. I still have my days where it hurts but I know now that it was for the best. It takes a lot of self care to get better. Feel what you’re gonna feel. Go through the motions. It will get better in time.
I going no contact with my mother and sister, sadly I still live in the house with them. To me they are both deceased already I have grieved the lost of having a family who never accepts me. I feel you much love too you
My narcissistic “ex” (if you can call him that) still comes back till this day ever since I went no contact. Tries to make me feel bad saying things like “you’re very intelligent but not a forgiving person” “I have made mistakes but I love you so you should consider that” “I am so ready to give you all these good things but you wont accept it now” LOVE YOURSELVES people! It can be really hard to stay goodhearted after dealing with someone like that, so please love yourselves.
Almost 2 decades rock wall strong. I didn't know back then I was dealing with narcissists. I was just so fed up with it ALL. I am aware of the lies said about me. Sadly I knew they'd do that.
100% on point as usual Dr Ramani. This is exactly what my mum did to me and also my brother and other family members turned on me too. I broke quite a few times as you describe but through therapy I kept working at it and it does get easier to hold on to yourself and ignore the tantrums of others. But it is a hard, long, tough, emotional road and people who say “just go no contact” like it’s easy really haven’t been there or understood the level of abuse and rage a narcissist can get to
Yep. Going through this again. Pushing and pushing with the baiting. Manipulation of things i told him in confidence. Ive remaind cool and remonded him nothing ive ever done to get him in this position. He can sit with himself.
Good advice! Sometimes they will get to you when your guard is down and you beat yourself up because you know better than to argue with a narcissist. It takes time to change the way you’ve been handling your interactions with a narcissist, especially if it’s taken a long time to realize you’ve been in a relationship with one. So like the Dr. said, give yourself some grace and do your best the next time you find yourself in an argument.
THANK YOU. I needed to hear this. I've gone low contact with a narcissistic family member and they called and it was very gross. I didn't get mad, but I tried to excuse (upon reflection) quite reasonable behaviours in myself. It then became them using those reasons and competing with them. There were biting words and baiting, but I left the conversation just confused and feeling off balance and emotionally dysregulated. So I'm focusing on regulation and remembering what is good about my life and working on personal growth. They don't call the shots. And they don't get to control me or my emotions. But it is tough.
I think my ex narc was ready for the relationship to end when I blocked them they made no effort to contact me. They have never hoovered me got involved immediately with someone new, so I guess they’re out, living their best life with their new source, which is really good And I’m grateful that I have my life back. Thank you for your videos.
I just blocked them. The emotional turmoil simply isn't worth it. They won't support you when you need help the most. Better to learn how to tread water on your own.
@@priyanesan3299 Not for me!! They were abusive thieves and liars. My siblings too because two were not abused and my older brother and me were. He is trauma bonded and still wants their live so bad. Not me though. I do not care if they are dying, I will not be there for any of them. Too much abuse, lying, backstabbing and jealousy from them. I owe them nothing and I am much happier without them.
What's yellow rock? I have a neighbor who's very hard to go NC or GR with. I lost my cool recently when my buttons were pushed. He knew I was already dealing with major stress (family medical crisis). It's like Jeckyll & Hyde with him!
@@Lexi_Con You can look at Dr.Ramani’s work. It is not exactly like Grey Rock because sometimes Grey Rock is not possible. Yes of course NC is also not possible, then yellow rock. But, to me these are just for short term until we completely go NC. I understand this neighbor dilema. I moved from one city to another because of a neighbor like you describe. My situation was my spouse a malignant was shaking hands and very friendly with that malignant overt. I got very sick because of these dynamics. If you have medical crisis, then use that as an excuse and slowly withdraw. Act like you are extremely depressed because of medical issues which is quite similar to Grey Rock. They do not like sickness or sick people or depressed people. So use that to get your space. Then continue that for ever with them. I did this with one of my friend who was malignant and a sociopath. Whenever I see or come across with this person, I go into depressed state and it repels them and they leave us alone.
@@priyanesan3299 Thanks for your reply. My neighbor has a lot of narcissistic traits yet admitted he was one when we first got to know each other. Early on said his sister (who's a psychologist) thought he was Borderline. It became clear to me over time that he very well could be BPD. Used to talk about crushing on me & give compliments (yet acknowledged I had a BF), eventually seemed obsessed as if we'd been dating. We usually got along w/ random brief chats every couple of days/weeks or months & felt like we had an understanding... Til drama began due to alcoholism + PTSD/anxiety attacks (& suicidal thoughts). Constant phone calls (that often I didn't answer) & texts. Followed by genuine remorse & attempts to make up for it (not as bad & kinder then compared to the past month). I basically was his counselor when he became panicked or despondent a few times. In the past I saw some manipulation tactics now & then but more subtle/natural & not bad enough to risk stirring the pot. I set boundaries & it improved except during the drinking binges/panic/unaliving himself episodes. Regardless, I now know it's better not to expect him to be accountable for anything - even when he starts accusing me of something I didn't do or name-calling. He got rude & I snapped. The N/BPD mask has come off! It's sad bc he had so much going for him & is hopefully back on track to stay sober. I just hope he sticks w/ all of his Rx's so the polarized & narc baiting behavior doesn't repeat itself.
Good grief yeah he promised to "get help" years ago many times but, I went to get the help instead because, "im cool, your not, you're losing your mind, I guess your the one who's unhinged and I've got it together." Its JUST maddening He goes directly for the jugular. Demons to the ones who loved them more than their own parents or family or friends that I'd think any normal person would thank god daily to have that kind of love but, these monsters scoff at that love like its worthless. Id forgive too much coz i felt sorry about their abusive childhood, only to be abused by them in return too. We Cheer them on complement them while, they make you feel that you are "useless, trashy and worthless" during dark suicidal ideation and that you don't deserve using the same oxygen to breathe as they use. But "snapping" and becoming "angry at yourself" yes, I can literally FEEL my blood pressure rise. He taught me to be verbally abusive in return for their abuse and keep at you until you literally hate them. A feeling of hatred that he is cozy with is so painful to feel. I wanted to love and be loved in return only to find my one and only nemesis, the only human being I have ever hated, feeling at long last, that we finally feel the same about each other. He would predictably try his usual arse kissing the following day and if, I don't cave to his fake routine in a split second "Mr. Hyde" returns. The wicked ways should be illegal, they don't need to own a weapon, this narc only needs to open his mouth. This crazy making crime. Left wondering if I am even going to get through it. All family and friends over time, he wanted me isolated spinning in hell now, having no one but, so long as hes gone so be it. He can follow thru with the threats given for years and still whatever as long as that sinister, soulless monster isn't anywhere near me!! He'll be back though, so predicktable...begging kissing arse even more ..he was the horrible fraud but, my love was, is real. Him being a heartless imposter doesn't just make MY love just automatically vanish upon request, I wished to God it would!! I adored "Dr. Jekyll" more than i loved anyone, so I MUST remember the reality of it all when he does return, even if it friggin makes my heart explode, I cant think of how I wanted him forever and loved him more than anyone in the world but, only the mean abusive apathetic heartless bully, who left me for dead when I needed him the most and who absolutely killed ANY chance for me to ever love anyone again the injustice is insanely criminal. It hurts like hell. Dr. Ramani saved my life. I am etrrnally grateful. Blessings to all the victims of narcissistic abuse, God please help us all❤
Yes. I grey rocked but snapped after being baited. Yes, I was told Iam crazy and but I decided to chalk it up to I’m new at this and it takes practice..I’m getting better..
The worst thing is that I still love him. It's been over for so long but I still love him. I have no idea what I'll do when he comes back. My therapist laughed at me while i was crying and said I was acting like a little child.
GET A NEW THERAPIST ASAP! Some people go into the medical profession in order to control and manipulate people, especially in psychology. Your current therapist sounds malignant. Do not let them invalidate your emotions. It is healthy to cry, child, adult, elder, we need to cry. She felt uncomfortable with your emotions and doesn't have the professional composure to provide you proper care. Please, move on to the next therapist ✌️💗
So true. I snapped and he was content, glowing. Next 10days same insults, bates. He knew exactly what buttons to push. But nexy week I overheard it, than he stopped (like next next week). Its like learning new sport.
This was exactly what I experienced. When I got this concept... She filed for divorce. I hate the whole idea of divorce. But I have never been more relieved as the day it was finalized.
Dr ramani you are keeping me sane. I'm am orphan. My kids beg me to leave I've no where to go Local shelter has a priority on physical violence..... my 13 yr old son thinks he may kill me or me kill myself... .i won't leave them. I'm all they have. He's burnt all my bridges when it comes to jobs i can support myself with. He's caused me to lose them all. I have GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN! What do i do?
First up, you're playing both the victim card and the saviour complex. You need to wake up and realise you are the narcissist. And it tends to carry on generationally. You passed it down to your son. Burn the bridge, get into therapy. Reconnect once you've gotten over your victim/saviour mindset.
Pick yourself up and get tf up out of there! Especially if your child is involved and worried he will lose his mother. Sorry to be harsh but for real, some people need to snap out of it.
So true!!!!!! He went on Facebook starting talking to girls that he knows wou bother me but because I’ve tried thus many many times to leave I’m finally at a place where he won’t hurt me any more He’s going to hurt the next girl that comes after me
My oldest sibling is a raging narcissist and she has been on a quest to gaslight me, degrade me and shame me for stepping in and taking over the care of our widowed mother. It’s been three years and still, her grown children, my two lamé brothers, all follow her evil lead. It’s been a long sad goodbye to them all, but the real sadness is watching my mother try to make sense of it. I chose to ignore my sister, but she can be quite convincing to any of the rest of my family who clearly don’t want the responsibility of caring for Mom😪
I went no contact for two solid years! It killed me at first because I was tortured with guilt but I made myself do it out of self-love and demanding I set boundaries for myself. Looking back, it was the best decision I ever made. I did it. Silence speaks volumes.
My father told my sister that I was happy that she had a stillborn son about six months after I cut contact, which was right at the end of my cancer treatment. I have been maligned since then, and have little to no contact with my paternal family. My sister and I haven't spoken since. He broke me, because I was sicker than him and he identified only by his illnesses. Cancer didn't kill me, but it killed my family.
Baiting is now apparent and I no longer fall for it. They are not part of my life anymore so I never need be abused by them ever again. Happiest I’ve ever been.
I can relate completely to that scenario. The unpleasant moments with such an individual are wisdom moments. You experience, you learn. You become quite skilled at handling the vicious dynamic. So, my advice is, be kind to yourself and, through your experience, learn the best strategy to handle the madness. Personally, I gave my mother many chances, from 1975 to 2023. I deleted her number and cut contact with her on September 4. If mail comes, I would return to sender. It's sad, but one could go crazy with someone like that. You do what you can, but ultimately you come to a fork in the road. Follow your inner wisdom.
Omg. I can’t imagine the pain I literally cannot as I almost went through this myself 😢. Sending you my love strong one. Let it out. Everything you’re feeling right now is justified, valid and real!
Very true 💯. It's a great reminder to continue to love self! We know that they're the ones with a mental disorder. Therefore, we have to keep reminding ourselves just how nuts they actually are and take good self care. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, excellent information and review.
![ILLSLICK - KILLSHOT REMIX [FULL VERSION]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RIK8RrqIAzE/mqdefault.jpg)
I went no contact. That literally stops the cycle of abuse. They can't bait you if you are not there. lol
They can. I got away from my narcissist mother and members of my family have told me that she stalks me on social media and has pictures of me and my friends on her phone. Even though I got away from her she still talks about me behind my back. Sometimes when you get away from a narcissist, they will find other ways to get to you 😂
Agree, they then smear your reputation with third parties to harm you. Gossip to ruin your reputation in business etc. They are evil.
@@chantaliyah4890 There's no proof of them doing that though. Move to another state if you really have to I would say, it's not like you can't make it clear that you want nothing to do with them.
Right, just don't show up and there won't be a fight.
Anyone who believes them doesn't know you any way.
What I learned from dealing with sociopaths and narcissists my whole life, is that you are responsible for your well-being and safety, and that includes disregarding relationships that are harmful to you. As soon as you see the signs, protect yourself like you would protect your own child and leave immediately. When you learn how to depend on yourself and not from external sources the less you will fall into the traps of love bombing and gaslighting.
I just ignore it. I know l cannot change her, so l just plain ignore all the little things she pulls.
Well said, women love yourself, these narcissists really fuck you over, and it’s soul destroying when your a empathetic person who can’t comprehend that someone you thought cared doesn’t give a dam whether your dead or alive it’s hard to accept. But they are the losers in the end, you can see how injured little children they are. And you can’t save them. It’s sad but look after yourself ❤
Dr Jay Reid has good videos about the Scapegoat child.
JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.
How in the world is your entire life filled with people who have extremely rare malignant mental disorders? It’s not statistically possible.
@@mattportnoyTLV so what’s going on Matt? Are you saying that the victim is the problem?
Further proof they never really loved you.
They had no feelings in the first place.
They have feelings when they choose to … when it benefits them
Yep. When I went no contact, my mother basically didn’t care.
Thank you. That is how I feel. Because I keep getting hurt, my daughter doesn't love me. Since she has pcos, it only makes it worse. So, I decided no contact and I do feel better. Plus I bought her book. ITS NOT YOU. I can't wait to get it.
It's so much more Evil* than that. God help Me, God help and bless all of Your children->
I need a miracle to get to the hospital before dying of, I believe, sepsis. Calling ambulance bcuz my "boyfriend", of 10 years, is telling Me I'm crazy. The Truth, is being shown to Me through the Power of the Holy Spirit❤.
God You are so good, and I trust in You!
You cannot beat yourself up from slipping. If you’re currently going through this, you’re not alone. You’re stronger than you know and you’ll gain so much wisdom from this healing process. The healing process is slow but it’s so worth it. Take your time and don’t skip on self-care, putting your needs first, and nurturing yourself. You’re probably feeling like nobody understands you and you feel so unseen and untrustworthy around people right now. I don’t know you but what I do know is you deserve to feel at peace.❤
Lovely message❤ Thank you
Thank you.
❤
Thank u ! It's so hard
You have to gray rock a whole group of people, you have to gray rock the flying monkeys too
It's slightly different with flying monkeys , you shushy shushy, no tell , otherwise all your private business gets back to the Narc.
@@yvonnelygo681sometimes that's exactly what you are intending to happen lol
For all of you going grey rock, don't give up. Remember that you are going up against a master manipulator with years of practice at breaking people's resolve. You will get better over time until you are the master of your communication. And even when you have your black belt in gray rock, there will be mistakes because you are human. So you've got this!
Ya what the f$%# she talkin about
Exactly those flying monkeys are dangerous cuz they are under the Narcs control
The ABSOLUTE WORST THING for a narcissist is total INDIFFERENCE.....( gets them EVERY TIME....!!!)😊
That's because they have no emotional control
@@carmensharpensteen614A Narcissist acts out every feeling that comes up in them,and their feelings are anger...
JazzyT.Scapegoat of two Narc's.
💯💯💯
My sister is classic narcissist and after not speaking with her for a year, she randomly texts me out of the blue with "Hi Sis! How are you?"
My response, "Fine, thanks"
her response, "Are you pissy at me?"
Usually this would have pushed my button but after watching so many of your videos, I continue to grey rock and text "I'm busy at work... what's up?"
Her response, "Oh nothing... I was just thinking about you..."
I didn't respond. She sent me a text message about 6 weeks later, wishing me a happy birthday. When I responded with a simple "Thanks". she once again tried to push my button with "I don't know why you are so poopie towards me. I don't recall that we had a fight or anything so I don't know why you are basically not talking to me"
I explained I was leading a call when she texted and when I replied via my FitBit, it has limited response options.
She then tried to guilt trip me in saying that it would be nice to hear from her only sister from time to time.
I didn't reply as there is no need to. She is the classic narcissist and keeping things short and no contact is the best solution for my mental health.
I wonder what Her story is about *You... I don't know the story from both perspectives but it's Great* that You have shifted to working on Yourself, and your own needs.
God bless You both**💕
@@Scorpia45 she only wants to draw you back in to back stab you again or run you down. Never trust her. NEVER!!! Stay away.
Well done! 👏🏼 ❤
Why even bother. I saw a video this woman made. She said tell them you no longer wish to spend time with them if they continue to be disrespectful.
Your sister needs to grow up and use adult words she probably just want something from you or her life is upside down and feeling lonely
I am sick of narcissists !
Yep! Same!
Me too!!!😢😢
Good thing people with NPD are only about 6% of the population.
So many narcissistic men in the dating pool. It's gross.
@@basicinfo2022 according to the data, narcissists make up about 6% of the population. Not sure where your dating pool is, but it sounds like you’re looking in the wrong places.
It's one of the most painful experiences I've had to endure. I've gone no contact and anyone thinking of doing it, The pain will spike once in awhile but IT'S SO WORTH IT! Your value, self respect and love for yourself will flourish! Cherish your peace and freedom. 💛Saying no to them is saying yes to yourself 💛
It’s so hard!! I’ve been through a lot of depression!
@@gjimenez155 I know honey. It's so hard but I promise you you'll be stronger and feel better each day. No contact is so important. It makes the pain worse. I love you and am here for you. Watch Andrews videos everyday even more than once. It will help so much! 🙏🙌✨💫🕊️
I did it then fell for the Hoover and he quickly attacked me so I'm now trying again. This time I won't look back. 7 years of his abuse, his families abuse, friends abuse, he is diabolical which means it can only get better by walking away. It's hard some days but I'm holding strong. I can't ever do it again. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life then ever deal with his lies, gaslighting, rage, cheating again.
@@-blahblahblah I feel you. I went back to the Hoover many times. It's a gruelling process to get out. Like you, I finally wanted to just be alone bf going through one more second of the ongoing lies and more abuse. My brain was like spaghetti by the time I had my light bulb moment and finally started a life without him. No contact is SO IMPORTANT. Stay strong. Stop existing and start living. Get your sparkle back 🌟🌟🌟
@@JuliaLeoSun that's how I feel. I can't get my mind to make it make sense. My mind is scrambled and the only thing I know for sure is this man is cruel, manipulative and enjoys hurting me so, I can't look back regardless how painful it is.
When you become so empowered with who you are and you believe that, you’re a good person, whatever a narcissist does to you could never hurt you and it almost becomes comical because they try so hard to bring you down and they just can’t
& the narc will never be even half the person u are. Only Heros are attacked by jealous,vindictive hateful people.. ..
It’s true but how can one develop this mentality
By being "insulted" one too many times by someone who assumes you value their OPINION that much. @@RobertButler-dp8oj
Work to make everything in your life as solid, secure, and protected as possible to make it so their efforts don't result in a negative impact.
@@Stlmagnolia nice idea but what’s the best way to do this
The guilt can be tough. "Hopefully I hear more from you this year. It hurts when I don't hear from you." Tough to remind yourself about all the awful things you had to hear from them all this time. It's crazy-making.
_"I miss hanging out with my best friend 😢"_
_"Wish things were different"_
Coming out from the person that insulted me the most. I even told him "In my 32 years I haven't had anybody insulted me as much. Heck, I don't even remember when it was... I was made fun in 8th grade because of a pimple in my nose, but I ignored it and continued with my day. This is way different, the same person I'm going to bed with is calling me names... Why?"
I was genuinely curious more than mad.
The name calling dropped significantly but no the fights.
Why would I want to fight?
And then whenever I left I was told
'i wasn't fighting hard enough'
I wouldn't call him a "narcissist", like a person that hurts on purpose.
He truly believed what he said.
It was such a weird situation to experience.
I was so fortunate to be in therapy when I went no contact. My psychiatrist really helped me to keep my focus. Because keeping an even keil was not my natural reaction to the character assassination the ensued. I kept a log and even had my attorney send a letter. I needed a lot of professional help at that point in my life. No contact can be really ugly.
They're something evil to their core. I've been through this as well. All the best to you 🤍
@@bunnyboonot4u I'm convinced that all of the acting out is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. At the end of the day, she needed my supply. I got along without her very well, after the very rough period after I through her out. She moved back to her own house. Her college aged son lived there. He wanted me to take her back more than anyone. I had to go no contact with him too, even though I genuinely like him. When you go no contact, it's not just with the narcissist, it's with evetyone they brought into your life and even people who were your friends, who are not supportive of your decision.
It’s so damn hard!!!
@@gjimenez155.... But it's worth it. This was 20 years ago. The scars have faded and the whole course of my life shifted in a better direction.
For all of you going grey rock, don't give up. Remember that you are going up against a master manipulator with years of practice at breaking people's resolve. You will get better over time until you are the master of your communication. And even when you have your black belt in gray rock, there will be mistakes because you are human. So you've got this!
This vid is so so important I hope every person encounters narcissists watches it. ❤
Absolutely
They damage people and they make it feel like it's the victim's fault!!! Ugh!! 100% pure evil.
❤
@@NavigatingNarcissismPod This is great timing bc I lost my cool the other night & am fighting the urge to respond to his baiting texts. My neighbor & I have become friends over the past few yrs. At first I helped him through a crisis - he'd fallen & couldn't reach phone so yelled for someone to call ambulance. Eventually we got to know each other & ordered food delivery, etc... til I was counseling him through panic attacks & suicidal ideations. We talked enough over time that narcissism is apparent, along w/ PTSD & physical injury (war vet), BPD, as well as alcoholism. I've kept my distance but he pulls me back in w/ his friendly charm & "good side" (also knowing some of my vulnerabilities that make me a target?). I feel like his occasional gifts & favors (along w/ compliments) come w/ an ulterior motive. Recently when his dark side came out (due to a drunken "blackout") I stopped answering my phone for a few days. He apologized & went to VA hospital 2 hrs away for a week. Since he was sober, on proper meds & acting more like the friend I'd known, we talked again when he returned. I mentioned some personal & family stress (Alzheimer's diagnosis, for one) only to get an inappropriate response that triggered me. I usually don't get angry or involved in arguments but the stress came like an erupting volcano & I hung up. Then came his texts & accusations, judgement, & typical narc tactics. When ignored he knocked on my door! I apologized & explained my impatience/anger, yet it has been used against me in further texts.
I feel like I made a mistake letting him get too close. What do I do from now on? I can't move & I don't want to contribute to more conflict (bc he'll blame me for ignoring him & likely accuse me of being phony, among other worse things that aren't true). I worry he might be vindictive in other ways (we're in an apt complex).
Dr Ramani is a gift from heaven, she truly is. She speaks the truth, she is like a new book for the Bible.
I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes through the father except through me. John 14:6
@@hali_ze oh hush, women are wiser than misogynistic pigs
Seriously. The Book of Ramani 😅needs to be added in lol.
Help all people from falling victim to these soul destroying people. But also let’s pray for them.
Delusional
😂 too cute 🥰
Yip they trigger you and suck out all you're energy then they leave your fighting the trauma .
Once the narcissist monkeys come into the picture, they will bait/ escalate the situation too ! They know what bothers you, and will use that against you !
😮
She really does have this subject down. I’ve lived it for many years. It’s exactly what narcissists do and how they make you feel. It’s for REAL. There’s no joke here or being ambiguous on going NO CONTACT with them. They will destroy your life while you’re still with them and try to (and sometimes succeed) when you leave them. But it’s always better to get out of dodge and stay the hell away. What she didn’t mention was how physically dangerous they can be. I’m lucky I got out alive. If I could help one person by writing all this to seriously get away from a narc, it would help me know I didn’t go through a decade of horrific abuse in vain. Keep listening to the Dr. She definitely knows what she’s talking about. ❤
After 40 yrs of narcissistic abuse from ex and both families I’ve gone no contact forever and love it! I kept my daughters, grandchildren and friends that’s it.
❤
Been married 39 years. Four awesome sons. Three beautiful grandkids. Wife 100 % disabled since 2004. Maybe you could help me to stop being angry at the world for what happened to my wufe that nearly destroyed my family.
@@DouglasGarrett-b5hwe don’t know what happened to your wife, but therapy, meditation or Jesus can help you.
It's 31 yrs and all the abuse gave me so many autoimmune diseases, did you get sick.
@@annmarievalenti9264
I did. 20 years plus ended up with thyroid disease 🦠 and other complications 💜
Remember, WHATEVER the narcissist does is simply a tactic, a story, & a fantasy. When they attack, remind yourself, "This is not real", "This is not personal". Stay strong & keep up a strong boundary, because ultimately that boundary is what's best & most healing for yourself & for the narcissist as well.
Yep, I was pushed to the verge of snapping, and yes they all delighted in my pain.
The best revenge is to do well. That's what my mum used to say. I wish you well 🤍
I know. I know it well.
This video is so important. Because we can't be perfect all the time. We will get it wrong. Especially if you live with them, they have the ability to wait until you're tired, sick, stressed and then they pounce. Or just attack all day and night until you slip up.
But it does get easier the more you do it, as long as it's in a respectful ethical way.
Another commenter said in the end as you grow stronger their behaviour becomes comical. And when it's not particularly nasty or picking on that sore point we all have, it really does.
I've found an easier way of dealing with their baiting is to expect it. Don't hope they'll be better today. They were a bit nicer, maybe they won't do it today. They will.
If you expect it it's easier to not get upset.
All the best. These 'people' are exhausting. If we can manage to resist their baiting, no one's bad behaviour will be able to get at us 💪🏻
Well put, thanks for the the reminders! I might as well have a PhD in narcissism, thanks to Ramani & others here on YT, but my buttons were pushed more than once recently. My current narc is living nearby & has pulled me back into his drama no matter how long the NC or GR phase lasted. I thought he might not be full blown NPD bc he actually admitted he was a narcissist once (unusual insight for one), but it has become clear he's BPD which has those traits. Who would've thought that following the Johnny Depp v Heard trial (& all her crazy antics beforehand) would prepare me for this!?? Almost comical but getting scarier bc he succeeded at gaining my friendship. Luckily nothing more!!! 🙏🏼🤯
This is EXACTLY what's going on in my family right now. I thought I was going crazy. Thank you so much for this video. ❤
I went through the same thing!! But I saw her facade before my family did!! It was only after she left for a week they realized how much better they felt when she was gone!! It was like the boiling frog thing!! She was asked to leave. It's been almost a month since she's been gone and its been quiet. But it's the calm before the storm. She'll go to extreme lengths to get a reaction. She can't stand being ignored. She's manipulative, as I'm sure all covert narcissists are, but being manipulative isn't the same as intelligence.
@bunnyboo22-wg1jd stay strong. I'm having to do the same. What helps me is prayer, I can't carry this load alone so trusting in Gid has gotten me through all this and will continue. Now that I've gone no contact my family keeps trying to egg me back so they can resume the awful treatment but I'm not falling for it. It's all the same every time. It would be nice if they actually changed but I doubt it. I love them but for my own sanity and health i have to keep a distance.
Went through this for four years!!! Thank GOD it's over!
10 years for me.
@@barbarajordan3145 Almost 20 here.
A decade for me
A lifetime since childhood, free at last and it’s my 64th Birthday today Aug 24/24.
So grateful for the support here 🧡🪶
Needed to be reminded of this
Most of my narcs died of old age. Peace at last.
Lucky you, I am still waiting
@forgiven5919 😊
And this is why Dr Ramani is the best at guidance! The nugget of compassion, for our OWN SELF is the healing gem 💎 Thank you 🙏 ❤
so grateful for your work
I appreciate that!
I still get a Christmas & birthday card every year …. Which will never contain the words “I’m sorry”
They never mean I’m sorry even if they ever said it❤
@@duck9886you're exactly right :)
@@heidithesausage Do not even respond. They are looking for a response. They want to tell the family you did not respond but they will never tell them WHY. Live your life for YOU.
@@joyceanderson8648 ❤
And the psychological abuse and manipulations......that was the worst and most traumatising.
I agree 1000%!!!! I've been through it too. I'm still healing and learning. Now I understand the anger, pain and trauma they cause and I can relate to people going through it! 💗
But do we ever overcome and get over them completely
I had narcs at work that pushed me to snap😢.
Its been days since I received nasty derogatory texts from this narcissist, they do know how to get to me mentally and emotionally, i still haven't responded, even though i wanted to, it does hurt not responding , feeling lonely,isolated and incomplete! I truly hope their is some reward for this because a part of me wants to engage! I havent given in yet! Wanting to go the high road way!
Delete the chat and don’t respond
@ScrubsToScreensWithFibro done! 👍
Have been no contact for 10 years.
Yup insanity unlimited. Exactly what the narcissist ordered. Pray everyday God can remove this person from your life.
Yes he said to my daughter that she would never achieve anything because she has my DNA to get me mad. And said his son is greater than my fairer in every aspect. I kept silent and ignored him totally. He lost it and threw a plate to me where my daughter is there , eating dinner on the table. This was during dinner. I was covered with food but the plate didn’t hit me, and I got my daughter in my arms. She cried so much and it was her trauma until today.
Narcissistic is a demon, their soul are stolen by demons.
I hope you are able to find the support and strength to leave. I’m sorry he did this to you both you and you’re daughter 😢
@@1withThe1 Yes and some even hide behind religion so others do not know how they are. Stay far away.
@@oceandove thank you so so much. For your kindness 💜💜💜 return this back to you 10x
I haven’t found any support then. Well I had a long distance friend who was supportive. It was a harsh time , but I overcome it. Now I am a therapist myself , Turing those hurts and pain into power and empower others. To heal our wounds. And become better version of ourselves every day.
💜💜💜
🙏🏻Thanks, kindly DR Ramani!🔆
I will never forget the last Baiting that Opened my Gray Rock & Tears Streaming… And the Narcissistic Supply Buzzer, caused a Sadistic, Ever Slight Smile of JOY, as they relished & gloated in my PAIN!
🙏🏻💛🔆🕊🍃
Narcs are sick people. They weaponize all personal information, vulnerabilities, and reactions. They themselves are emotionally reactive, yet they shame and weaponize other people's reactions. Then they'll go gossip, spread rumors, lie, and stir up drama.
In my case, it was a bit easy. I slowly phased out toxic friendships, then went no contact completely. I've changed my home address, email address, and phone number. I also deleted all social media accounts. There's no way for them to contact me 😁
Me Too!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It is so peaceful and quiet!
I love it!!🙏🏽
Same same, I wouldn’t say it was easy though, it was the toughest time of my life but it has been the most productive and empowering life period, ever. I have been no contact for 3 years.
The peace and quiet is just unexplainable. My so called family of origin wouldn’t even try to find me I don’t think; it feels like they are sort of unaffected by my absence ...but, sadly enough, I know that they do need a new family scapegoat which I think is my autistic nephew on the verge of adulthood. My brother is such a cruel person to him. My perception is still very skewed about how much they were triggered by my truth telling ways, but, from what I have seen throughout my 48 years, my mother and narcissist golden child brother would NEVER reach out to me. Ever. I think I’m dead to them now which does make it much easier. Lots of love to all ❤️❤️❤️
@@nikstar1313 I definitely feel you!💝
But kids 😢
@@sajitha789 did they get yours too?
I am in this stage now. He didn't say much about me but he has spoken about my grown children. He started to fat shame me, I responded by eating more. Since he's been gone I have lost 5lbs. I'm not going back.
I feel you! I'm sorry you've had to go through that! I know that is very painful! Praying for you!
Yes 🙌❤
@Kate, you really lost more than 5lbs. How much did he weigh? Well thats how much u lost or should I say got rid of. Don't go back, stay strong minded. You're beautiful ❤
Good for you ! 😀
Yes!!! Power to you girl💪🙏❤️🌺
🎉 Thankyou , You helped me get free. I'm fixing myself now instead of trying to fix him
Thank you for caring Dr ramani ❤❤❤ you keep us strong. ❤
Girl, Dr. Amazing! You have the best advice for us empaths!! You are spot on with the narcissistic abuse! Keep recording these for all the younger empaths that need to know, and for all the older empaths to remember when they forget!❤
I m grateful for your words ❤❤❤
Thank you. I needed to hear this. A narcissistic co-worker is sexually bothering me at the workplace, and I'm going to have to tell him off before going completely no-contact with him because I know otherwise, things will only get worse.
And it's just as you say, Doctor: they REVEL at seeing us lose our cool. It's as if they are complete psychopaths; I can't believe they do this without realizing -- to me, it's all just an act.
Repot him and don't confront him. It will drive him nuts because you're not responding to him. Report him.
They talk to themselves even when your in the other room call you namesbithbitch about everything call you lazy when they are mean people they put you down as a women but they only are insuring you for free rent food thanks kathy m 5 yes of mental torture I'm forever free from the devil man creep I mean thanks km of portland ore
Peace at last thank God km
Been through this process so many times im very thankful for all the help we find here to navigate this world around us❤
I couldn't face going no contact, actually afraid to make my narc angry. I tried to keep some kind of "healthy contact"
What was I thinking!?
There really is no such thing.
Seeking out therapy, helped me through this hideous time of threats and manipulation... now I genuinely don't give a flying £*¢€ about him.
@@elizabetharmstrong5618 The same with FAMILY MEMBERS!! Forget them!!
Thank you for this. I went grey rock with narcissistic sister in law and she freaked and verbally attacked/assaulted me at a family dinner yelling insults at me. I stayed firm telling her to stop but she wouldn’t until I had to finally get mad and yell back. Disappointed I got mad and then my family tried to accuse me of being equally to blame which is not true, she blindsided me with an attack and I defended myself. I am done beating myself up for it. I know the truth. Thank you Doctor Ramani ❤
100 percent correct😢
You’re my hero Dr.Ramani
That's true they go for you big time especially the narc family unit,it's not easy especially for someone like me who has always stood up to bullies not knowing that's what they wanted to get a reaction,
Thank you for affirming that we can be kind to ourselves when sometimes we snap and our gray rock gets broken. Each time I snap, the feeling of failure can be overwhelming. This is very helpful for when I’ve to pick myself up after one of these “falls”.
Something that made it easier for me to go no contact, after they lied about me to their other kids, those kids stopped responding to me. So walking away was easier.
Mine blocked and ignored me after every discard! For days even weeks I was devastated until I educated myself on what was happening… I used to reverse hoover before I knew what that was! I used to react to the projection… now I just don’t! Slowly letting go .. all because I educated myself and use self isolation as a tool
Thank you Dr. R. My brother did this to me. Listening to you is like a huge hug.
I was just called unhinged by a parent....SSDD!!
Every word you speak describes my situation/struggles to a T.
It truly gives me hope that I can overcome this narcissistic abuse.
All the ways you define a narcissist is mind blowing how accurate you are. I listen to you religiously you keep me on the “grey rock”.
Thank you for understanding and articulating all the feelings and emotions I could never find words for. ❤
Feels like this is one of those things that really needs to be told to folks - survivors - before they (we) even begin to consider it
I am SO GRATEFUL for your teaching and support!
My sister broke me out of not gray Rick BUT no contact! by through my brother asked me to call her about a health issue! Not only did that phone conversation go to her yelling within 2 minutes, but she was so livid she never even got around to telling me about her health issue!
Oh my God. I’ve never seen this & I’m relating instantly. S***. Thank You for being there.
Thank you. I needed to hear this today
This really hurts to hear, but I needed to hear it. Dr Ramani, you are so intuitive. This short is painfully accurate.
I feel like some narcs do the whole blocking no contact when they get exposed
They almost always crawl back for supply
That’s exactly what mine did
My ex did this when I pulled her about gaslighting me for around 6 week she didn’t ring me 🙏🔥
I blocked my dumper ex after 6 weeks trying to win her back. Well I left email as option if she wants to connect. Its been 8 weeks and she is not doing anything to connect with me. I am taking this as discard and she has a supply lined up as soon as she broke up.
@@parth898patel6 in my case my ex dumped me, then called me like 2 weeks later at 430 am to let me know he’s with someone else and that he did not want to be my friend anymore either. Mind you were together for 4 years so I took it very hard. He literally used and discarded me. I had to go to therapy because it got that bad. He was my everything. It’s been 2 years and I’m with someone new now. I still have my days where it hurts but I know now that it was for the best. It takes a lot of self care to get better. Feel what you’re gonna feel. Go through the motions. It will get better in time.
I had to go no contact from my mother and this really hit home. Hardest thing of my life.
I going no contact with my mother and sister, sadly I still live in the house with them. To me they are both deceased already I have grieved the lost of having a family who never accepts me.
I feel you much love too you
I have a court hearing tomorrow. I am praying for courage and comfort so that I can be strong. I can breakdown after the hearing.
Great guidance, appreciate this 🙏
My narcissistic “ex” (if you can call him that) still comes back till this day ever since I went no contact. Tries to make me feel bad saying things like “you’re very intelligent but not a forgiving person” “I have made mistakes but I love you so you should consider that” “I am so ready to give you all these good things but you wont accept it now” LOVE YOURSELVES people! It can be really hard to stay goodhearted after dealing with someone like that, so please love yourselves.
Almost 2 decades rock wall strong. I didn't know back then I was dealing with narcissists. I was just so fed up with it ALL. I am aware of the lies said about me. Sadly I knew they'd do that.
100% on point as usual Dr Ramani. This is exactly what my mum did to me and also my brother and other family members turned on me too. I broke quite a few times as you describe but through therapy I kept working at it and it does get easier to hold on to yourself and ignore the tantrums of others. But it is a hard, long, tough, emotional road and people who say “just go no contact” like it’s easy really haven’t been there or understood the level of abuse and rage a narcissist can get to
Wow this is my every day. Stuck
@@sasham82 you are never STUCK. They want you to believe that.
Yep. Going through this again. Pushing and pushing with the baiting. Manipulation of things i told him in confidence. Ive remaind cool and remonded him nothing ive ever done to get him in this position. He can sit with himself.
Good advice! Sometimes they will get to you when your guard is down and you beat yourself up because you know better than to argue with a narcissist. It takes time to change the way you’ve been handling your interactions with a narcissist, especially if it’s taken a long time to realize you’ve been in a relationship with one. So like the Dr. said, give yourself some grace and do your best the next time you find yourself in an argument.
THANK YOU. I needed to hear this. I've gone low contact with a narcissistic family member and they called and it was very gross. I didn't get mad, but I tried to excuse (upon reflection) quite reasonable behaviours in myself. It then became them using those reasons and competing with them. There were biting words and baiting, but I left the conversation just confused and feeling off balance and emotionally dysregulated. So I'm focusing on regulation and remembering what is good about my life and working on personal growth. They don't call the shots. And they don't get to control me or my emotions. But it is tough.
I think my ex narc was ready for the relationship to end when I blocked them they made no effort to contact me. They have never hoovered me got involved immediately with someone new, so I guess they’re out, living their best life with their new source, which is really good And I’m grateful that I have my life back. Thank you for your videos.
I think grey rock or yellow rock works for short term relationships and we can come out.
With Narc parents, it is very difficult.
I just blocked them. The emotional turmoil simply isn't worth it. They won't support you when you need help the most. Better to learn how to tread water on your own.
@@priyanesan3299 Not for me!! They were abusive thieves and liars. My siblings too because two were not abused and my older brother and me were. He is trauma bonded and still wants their live so bad. Not me though. I do not care if they are dying, I will not be there for any of them. Too much abuse, lying, backstabbing and jealousy from them. I owe them nothing and I am much happier without them.
What's yellow rock? I have a neighbor who's very hard to go NC or GR with. I lost my cool recently when my buttons were pushed. He knew I was already dealing with major stress (family medical crisis). It's like Jeckyll & Hyde with him!
@@Lexi_Con
You can look at Dr.Ramani’s work. It is not exactly like Grey Rock because sometimes Grey Rock is not possible. Yes of course NC is also not possible, then yellow rock.
But, to me these are just for short term until we completely go NC.
I understand this neighbor dilema. I moved from one city to another because of a neighbor like you describe. My situation was my spouse a malignant was shaking hands and very friendly with that malignant overt. I got very sick because of these dynamics.
If you have medical crisis, then use that as an excuse and slowly withdraw. Act like you are extremely depressed because of medical issues which is quite similar to Grey Rock. They do not like sickness or sick people or depressed people. So use that to get your space. Then continue that for ever with them. I did this with one of my friend who was malignant and a sociopath. Whenever I see or come across with this person, I go into depressed state and it repels them and they leave us alone.
@@priyanesan3299 Thanks for your reply. My neighbor has a lot of narcissistic traits yet admitted he was one when we first got to know each other. Early on said his sister (who's a psychologist) thought he was Borderline. It became clear to me over time that he very well could be BPD. Used to talk about crushing on me & give compliments (yet acknowledged I had a BF), eventually seemed obsessed as if we'd been dating. We usually got along w/ random brief chats every couple of days/weeks or months & felt like we had an understanding... Til drama began due to alcoholism + PTSD/anxiety attacks (& suicidal thoughts). Constant phone calls (that often I didn't answer) & texts. Followed by genuine remorse & attempts to make up for it (not as bad & kinder then compared to the past month). I basically was his counselor when he became panicked or despondent a few times.
In the past I saw some manipulation tactics now & then but more subtle/natural & not bad enough to risk stirring the pot. I set boundaries & it improved except during the drinking binges/panic/unaliving himself episodes. Regardless, I now know it's better not to expect him to be accountable for anything - even when he starts accusing me of something I didn't do or name-calling. He got rude & I snapped. The N/BPD mask has come off! It's sad bc he had so much going for him & is hopefully back on track to stay sober. I just hope he sticks w/ all of his Rx's so the polarized & narc baiting behavior doesn't repeat itself.
Good grief yeah he promised to "get help" years ago many times but, I went to get the help instead because, "im cool, your not, you're losing your mind, I guess your the one who's unhinged and I've got it together." Its JUST maddening He goes directly for the jugular. Demons to the ones who loved them more than their own parents or family or friends that I'd think any normal person would thank god daily to have that kind of love but, these monsters scoff at that love like its worthless. Id forgive too much coz i felt sorry about their abusive childhood, only to be abused by them in return too. We Cheer them on complement them while, they make you feel that you are "useless, trashy and worthless" during dark suicidal ideation and that you don't deserve using the same oxygen to breathe as they use.
But "snapping" and becoming "angry at yourself" yes, I can literally FEEL my blood pressure rise. He taught me to be verbally abusive in return for their abuse and keep at you until you literally hate them. A feeling of hatred that he is cozy with is so painful to feel. I wanted to love and be loved in return only to find my one and only nemesis, the only human being I have ever hated, feeling at long last, that we finally feel the same about each other. He would predictably try his usual arse kissing the following day and if, I don't cave to his fake routine in a split second "Mr. Hyde" returns. The wicked ways should be illegal, they don't need to own a weapon, this narc only needs to open his mouth. This crazy making crime. Left wondering if I am even going to get through it. All family and friends over time, he wanted me isolated spinning in hell now, having no one but, so long as hes gone so be it. He can follow thru with the threats given for years and still whatever as long as that sinister, soulless monster isn't anywhere near me!! He'll be back though, so predicktable...begging kissing arse even more ..he was the horrible fraud but, my love was, is real. Him being a heartless imposter doesn't just make MY love just automatically vanish upon request, I wished to God it would!! I adored "Dr. Jekyll" more than i loved anyone, so I MUST remember the reality of it all when he does return, even if it friggin makes my heart explode, I cant think of how I wanted him forever and loved him more than anyone in the world but, only the mean abusive apathetic heartless bully, who left me for dead when I needed him the most and who absolutely killed ANY chance for me to ever love anyone again the injustice is insanely criminal. It hurts like hell. Dr. Ramani saved my life. I am etrrnally grateful.
Blessings to all the victims of narcissistic abuse, God please help us all❤
Yes. I grey rocked but snapped after being baited. Yes, I was told Iam crazy and but I decided to chalk it up to I’m new at this and it takes practice..I’m getting better..
@@kathibeatty7948 Stay strong and stay far away. You owe them NOTHING.
Yes keep moving and move on with my life and don't look back thank you Dr Romani
The worst thing is that I still love him. It's been over for so long but I still love him. I have no idea what I'll do when he comes back. My therapist laughed at me while i was crying and said I was acting like a little child.
GET A NEW THERAPIST ASAP! Some people go into the medical profession in order to control and manipulate people, especially in psychology. Your current therapist sounds malignant. Do not let them invalidate your emotions. It is healthy to cry, child, adult, elder, we need to cry. She felt uncomfortable with your emotions and doesn't have the professional composure to provide you proper care. Please, move on to the next therapist ✌️💗
You really have to tell yourself that it was never real. They’re walking demons seriously. Do not fck your life up any further by taking him back.
So true. I snapped and he was content, glowing. Next 10days same insults, bates. He knew exactly what buttons to push. But nexy week I overheard it, than he stopped (like next next week). Its like learning new sport.
This was exactly what I experienced. When I got this concept... She filed for divorce. I hate the whole idea of divorce. But I have never been more relieved as the day it was finalized.
Same here. She got so pissed that she filed.
You are great at this! And hang in there because you're going to get really really good at it.
Dr ramani you are keeping me sane. I'm am orphan. My kids beg me to leave I've no where to go
Local shelter has a priority on physical violence..... my 13 yr old son thinks he may kill me or me kill myself... .i won't leave them. I'm all they have. He's burnt all my bridges when it comes to jobs i can support myself with. He's caused me to lose them all. I have GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN! What do i do?
First up, you're playing both the victim card and the saviour complex.
You need to wake up and realise you are the narcissist. And it tends to carry on generationally. You passed it down to your son. Burn the bridge, get into therapy. Reconnect once you've gotten over your victim/saviour mindset.
@@audreydoyle5268
so because she is crying out for help she is a narc .....
no I think you are mistaken
there is not enough support out there
Pick yourself up and get tf up out of there! Especially if your child is involved and worried he will lose his mother. Sorry to be harsh but for real, some people need to snap out of it.
So true!!!!!! He went on Facebook starting talking to girls that he knows wou bother me but because I’ve tried thus many many times to leave I’m finally at a place where he won’t hurt me any more
He’s going to hurt the next girl that comes after me
Spot on
My oldest sibling is a raging narcissist and she has been on a quest to gaslight me, degrade me and shame me for stepping in and taking over the care of our widowed mother. It’s been three years and still, her grown children, my two lamé brothers, all follow her evil lead. It’s been a long sad goodbye to them all, but the real sadness is watching my mother try to make sense of it. I chose to ignore my sister, but she can be quite convincing to any of the rest of my family who clearly don’t want the responsibility of caring for Mom😪
Yes I'm going to try Dr Romani and I'm going to do it thank you so much🎉
This is really reassuring. I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
Until you decide to do and not allow the Hoovers they will spiral. Once they know you know.. games over
I just held my ground, and now I'm waiting for the other boot to drop...😢 It's hard to celebrate when you're terrified.
Nothing got to me.... No baiting, couldn't budge me, THEN SHE STOLE MY CHILD! Taking forever through the courts!
I needed to hear this! ❤
They forgot the way people's do you it goes back to them
Ten fold😅
I went no contact for two solid years! It killed me at first because I was tortured with guilt but I made myself do it out of self-love and demanding I set boundaries for myself. Looking back, it was the best decision I ever made. I did it. Silence speaks volumes.
Are you back in contact now?
I needed this thank you! ♥️♥️♥️
My father told my sister that I was happy that she had a stillborn son about six months after I cut contact, which was right at the end of my cancer treatment. I have been maligned since then, and have little to no contact with my paternal family. My sister and I haven't spoken since. He broke me, because I was sicker than him and he identified only by his illnesses. Cancer didn't kill me, but it killed my family.
That's why you have to leave them right away and trust GOD.
Baiting is now apparent and I no longer fall for it. They are not part of my life anymore so I never need be abused by them ever again. Happiest I’ve ever been.
This is exactly what he’s been doing. Going though our son, so sad , pathetic and low !!
True 100%, been there , now im so happy
I'm not falling for the Okey done. any more. I've blocked them they told me goodbye. NO MORE CRAP!!
I can relate completely to that scenario.
The unpleasant moments with such an individual are wisdom moments. You experience, you learn. You become quite skilled at handling the vicious dynamic.
So, my advice is, be kind to yourself and, through your experience, learn the best strategy to handle the madness.
Personally, I gave my mother many chances, from 1975 to 2023. I deleted her number and cut contact with her on September 4. If mail comes, I would return to sender.
It's sad, but one could go crazy with someone like that. You do what you can, but ultimately you come to a fork in the road.
Follow your inner wisdom.
Killed my tiny tiny handheld dog!!!!! I'm still dying over this...😭😭😭😭😭😭etc...
Omg. I can’t imagine the pain I literally cannot as I almost went through this myself 😢. Sending you my love strong one. Let it out. Everything you’re feeling right now is justified, valid and real!
🙏
Very true 💯. It's a great reminder to continue to love self! We know that they're the ones with a mental disorder. Therefore, we have to keep reminding ourselves just how nuts they actually are and take good self care. Thanks, Dr. Ramani, excellent information and review.