To the person who was discussed in the Self Hatred segment.. (or anyone feeling the same thing) if you read this just know your not alone.. many of us feel that way but your ok .. your not doing anything wrong, its your life and your body .. go to support groups and therapy don't be alone with this ... Be well ..
So true. For the longest time I thought I was cursed. Why, why , why I kept asking myself. Why do I feel this way. Why do I hate that thing between my legs. I was so ashamed of myself for not being able to control these feelings that seemed to be taking over my life. You are a big help in bringing light to this subject Dr. Z.
I've experienced the same, I was searching for answers for years, I found out one possible answer from a psychic who told me that this was stemming from my past life where I was raped as a woman and consequently condemned my own feminity back then, I hated my own body which led me to become a nun, so part of me was left behind there as II have split, and that led to this life as an opportunity to experience closure to that abuse by finding love for myself as a woman once and for all despite having the body I was born with, it was illustrated to me as a fight for the integrity of my own soul despite the odds of material reality standing against me and deceiving me. It occured to me that perhaps this is why trans people have been born all along as one more chance at life where we feel whole, embraced and accepted against the adversity of this illusory world standing against us.
I truly do not know where I would be without Dr. Z. You continually discuss openly so many things I struggle with and just knowing it’s not just me who feels certain ways helps me slowly start to better accept myself.
This was such a good Q&A! I can really relate to the discussion around “passing” and “Leaving my homeland”. In my personal experience, I was privileged enough to experience my transition in a very supportive environment in a very open minded state and during Covid. All these items combined along with having a great therapist helped me transition to the point where I have so much confidence in who I am that it helps give off the right vibes. In other words, confidence is key! I awake knowing for myself that I am a woman, and I hold a deep connection with my femininity. It didn’t come over night. It took years of work. And living as an openly trans woman, bigots will purposely misgender me no matter how much I pass. And yes, it still hurts, but I am also working on that. In terms of “leaving my homeland” portion, I’m so thankful for you Dr. Z to do the work you are doing as a CIS person. It’s so important for Trans people to have allies and advocates like you. And the understanding you have is probably unmatched. When I started transitioning I also mourned the loss of privilege. The privilege of safety. I wanted to see places like Egypt, Turkey and other places on Earth that are beautiful. However, in my experience, that loss did not come close to what I’ve gained personally by transitioning. So much weight off my shoulders, it was like being crushed before. I’d rather be me and living life to it’s fullest in places that are safer and more accepting, than being the old me and getting to travel to places that are unsafe for me now. Finally, CIS people experience this particular issue as well, CIS gay and queer people, cis women, cis minority groups, etc. It doesn’t make it right or better of course, but it’s a sad fact and we are in this boat together. Sorry for this long winded comment 😊
Thank you DRZ! Hopefully there is more people like you out there coming out talking about this subject matter, who work with trans people, and not outsiders feeding the masses harmful misinformation or deliberate disinformation which can only contribute to social prssure and suicide of trans people. The truth and knowledge is the power, and I know you are in possession of it, that's why it can seem uncomfortable to most people, as the truth can be destructive, but ultimately liberating.
My heart goes out “Fear of Loss” 54 y/o sister who’s been on HRT for 13 months. I am 51 and lasted 4 months hiding my true self. Then my partner of 13 years found some posts on “private” social media. The hurt it caused her by finding out that way was far greater than it would have been otherwise. The most painful part was that I didn’t trust her to reveal this to her. Please don’t let that happen to you. It’s devastating. ❤
12:00 Self Loathing might be helped when realization of femininity as seen by others becomes believable. For instance realization that others may know this subconsciously about you or simply don't talk about it. This relaxed my self Loathing for the moment. Also not making changes you are not ready for. Or realization changes can be halted after experiencing how they make you feel later if you choose to
That was a long one! It's taken me time to get to watching this, this week; there's a lot of bad stuff happening right now that is not related to gender therapy, and is also being heavily reported. I don't care about passing, though I thought I would when I started my transition. I've come to realise that gender-affirming care is provided with the goal of increasing my levels of happiness - but also, one's gender shouldn't matter for much, if anything at all, in today's society. I do get misgendered in public at times, and I shrug it off. I have accepted that it is, in effect, the price I pay for being gender non-conforming. It's generally because my voice doesn't align with my appearance, but I like that aspect of me. I also think that as I have the confidence to be me, I should be me and not hide; it might help make the world a safer place for future generations. As for hitting a bottle, I gave up drinking earlier this year. I've lost about 8 kg in weight since, and I'm as healthy and as happy as ever. I do feel that I am supremely confident in a way that I certainly wasn't before transitioning. It has cost me a certain ability to travel, indeed - another price I paid, although I never really planned to visit transphobic states anyway. It just occurred to me that people who are transphobic probably lack the ability to see other people's perspectives. Why do people transition? It doesn't elevate their standing in society. It's not for financial benefit - it has cost me thousands of pounds. We transition to be ourselves. That's it. Thanks as always!
Oh and Dr. Z thanks so much. You've responded to my questions before especially on presenting, sexuality, and gender. I was in toxic spaces where I felt like I had to look like a Kardashian and be exclusively attracted to men to be accepted. Since no longer going to the clubs I'm loving myself and who I am so much more.
1:27 Struggling with internalized homo- or transphobia, being both bi and trans myself I can relate to it being confusing. I'm glad to hear that the OP's spouse is so supportive and that they are exploring the OP's sexuality together. If the OP turns out to be trans, non binary or otherwise gender non conforming I hope the spouse can continue to be supportive, even if she decides that she's cishet and can't continue the union with the OP.
it's really weird, I found out I'm trans earlier last month. I wake up this morning and I believe I'm BI. And your video pop on my feed. Am I in the trueman show?
20:56 The parents could have been both supportive of the OP's gender identity AND enrol her in karate. 😅 I found myself crying when you read her question. My mom still denies it now, but I remember my mom often pestering me that I better not be "wanting to be a girl again." We all deserve supportive and accepting parents, but the reality is that many of us don't. Particularly back in the day. I myself didn't begin socially and medically transitioning until I was 48 because of the inertia of my upbringing.
Hi, Dr Z. In one of your videos you had a link to a video about the first safe steps to do to find out if you are transgender, before committing to irreversible decisions. I can't find it. Are you able to send a link?
Question can I be both Trans female and gender fluid? Some days I like presenting male especially at my job. When I go out I like presenting more feminine or tomboyish. I feel comfortable on hormones and getting laser hair removel. It has really helped me with my dysphoria.
Do you think that exploring can make difference, I sometimes think I'm gender nonconforming gay man , other time I feel I'm trans. Im totally not sure ❤ pleas give advice 😅
Ask yourself how long and how consistent this dysphoria has been in your life, how firm is your own gender identity, how does it feel when they gender you as a man or woman, these kinds of questions may help.
@JaneChristensen. I'm totally comfortable with my sex characteristics, I like my genitalia, the motive of my discomfort is sexuality and sociale anxiety.... That's all and I like having some feminine secondary characteristics like breast ... I have taking a test on internet of gender dysphoria.. and I got mild indication of dysphoria.... But what made me question myself is childhood memories, at 3 or 4 I used to cry a lot and feel shame and guilt .. I can not tell if it's dysphoria or homophobia or what it is exactly?!
To the person who was discussed in the Self Hatred segment.. (or anyone feeling the same thing) if you read this just know your not alone.. many of us feel that way but your ok .. your not doing anything wrong, its your life and your body .. go to support groups and therapy don't be alone with this ... Be well ..
Wonderful support thank you!
So true. For the longest time I thought I was cursed. Why, why , why I kept asking myself. Why do I feel this way. Why do I hate that thing between my legs.
I was so ashamed of myself for not being able to control these feelings that seemed to be taking over my life. You are a big help in bringing light to this subject Dr. Z.
I've experienced the same, I was searching for answers for years, I found out one possible answer from a psychic who told me that this was stemming from my past life where I was raped as a woman and consequently condemned my own feminity back then, I hated my own body which led me to become a nun, so part of me was left behind there as II have split, and that led to this life as an opportunity to experience closure to that abuse by finding love for myself as a woman once and for all despite having the body I was born with, it was illustrated to me as a fight for the integrity of my own soul despite the odds of material reality standing against me and deceiving me. It occured to me that perhaps this is why trans people have been born all along as one more chance at life where we feel whole, embraced and accepted against the adversity of this illusory world standing against us.
Wish you all the best!
I truly do not know where I would be without Dr. Z. You continually discuss openly so many things I struggle with and just knowing it’s not just me who feels certain ways helps me slowly start to better accept myself.
This was such a good Q&A! I can really relate to the discussion around “passing” and “Leaving my homeland”. In my personal experience, I was privileged enough to experience my transition in a very supportive environment in a very open minded state and during Covid. All these items combined along with having a great therapist helped me transition to the point where I have so much confidence in who I am that it helps give off the right vibes. In other words, confidence is key! I awake knowing for myself that I am a woman, and I hold a deep connection with my femininity. It didn’t come over night. It took years of work. And living as an openly trans woman, bigots will purposely misgender me no matter how much I pass. And yes, it still hurts, but I am also working on that.
In terms of “leaving my homeland” portion, I’m so thankful for you Dr. Z to do the work you are doing as a CIS person. It’s so important for Trans people to have allies and advocates like you. And the understanding you have is probably unmatched. When I started transitioning I also mourned the loss of privilege. The privilege of safety. I wanted to see places like Egypt, Turkey and other places on Earth that are beautiful. However, in my experience, that loss did not come close to what I’ve gained personally by transitioning. So much weight off my shoulders, it was like being crushed before. I’d rather be me and living life to it’s fullest in places that are safer and more accepting, than being the old me and getting to travel to places that are unsafe for me now.
Finally, CIS people experience this particular issue as well, CIS gay and queer people, cis women, cis minority groups, etc. It doesn’t make it right or better of course, but it’s a sad fact and we are in this boat together.
Sorry for this long winded comment 😊
Thank you Dr Z love question and answer videos. It brings up things I usually have not considered
Thank you DRZ! Hopefully there is more people like you out there coming out talking about this subject matter, who work with trans people, and not outsiders feeding the masses harmful misinformation or deliberate disinformation which can only contribute to social prssure and suicide of trans people. The truth and knowledge is the power, and I know you are in possession of it, that's why it can seem uncomfortable to most people, as the truth can be destructive, but ultimately liberating.
Thank you and I agree.
My heart goes out “Fear of Loss” 54 y/o sister who’s been on HRT for 13 months. I am 51 and lasted 4 months hiding my true self. Then my partner of 13 years found some posts on “private” social media. The hurt it caused her by finding out that way was far greater than it would have been otherwise. The most painful part was that I didn’t trust her to reveal this to her. Please don’t let that happen to you. It’s devastating. ❤
You are so real.
Hey Dr. Z! You sound a bit down. Hugs and love! Thanks for everything you do for us!
12:00 Self Loathing might be helped when realization of femininity as seen by others becomes believable. For instance realization that others may know this subconsciously about you or simply don't talk about it. This relaxed my self Loathing for the moment. Also not making changes you are not ready for. Or realization changes can be halted after experiencing how they make you feel later if you choose to
That was a long one! It's taken me time to get to watching this, this week; there's a lot of bad stuff happening right now that is not related to gender therapy, and is also being heavily reported.
I don't care about passing, though I thought I would when I started my transition. I've come to realise that gender-affirming care is provided with the goal of increasing my levels of happiness - but also, one's gender shouldn't matter for much, if anything at all, in today's society.
I do get misgendered in public at times, and I shrug it off. I have accepted that it is, in effect, the price I pay for being gender non-conforming. It's generally because my voice doesn't align with my appearance, but I like that aspect of me. I also think that as I have the confidence to be me, I should be me and not hide; it might help make the world a safer place for future generations.
As for hitting a bottle, I gave up drinking earlier this year. I've lost about 8 kg in weight since, and I'm as healthy and as happy as ever. I do feel that I am supremely confident in a way that I certainly wasn't before transitioning.
It has cost me a certain ability to travel, indeed - another price I paid, although I never really planned to visit transphobic states anyway.
It just occurred to me that people who are transphobic probably lack the ability to see other people's perspectives. Why do people transition? It doesn't elevate their standing in society. It's not for financial benefit - it has cost me thousands of pounds. We transition to be ourselves. That's it.
Thanks as always!
Oh and Dr. Z thanks so much. You've responded to my questions before especially on presenting, sexuality, and gender. I was in toxic spaces where I felt like I had to look like a Kardashian and be exclusively attracted to men to be accepted. Since no longer going to the clubs I'm loving myself and who I am so much more.
1:27 Struggling with internalized homo- or transphobia, being both bi and trans myself I can relate to it being confusing. I'm glad to hear that the OP's spouse is so supportive and that they are exploring the OP's sexuality together. If the OP turns out to be trans, non binary or otherwise gender non conforming I hope the spouse can continue to be supportive, even if she decides that she's cishet and can't continue the union with the OP.
Thank you for sharing.
it's really weird, I found out I'm trans earlier last month. I wake up this morning and I believe I'm BI. And your video pop on my feed. Am I in the trueman show?
Where did you get your glasses in this video? ❤ Btw you're great! Thanks for everything.
❤ sexuality and gender is what I wanted you to talk about 🎉
20:56 The parents could have been both supportive of the OP's gender identity AND enrol her in karate. 😅 I found myself crying when you read her question. My mom still denies it now, but I remember my mom often pestering me that I better not be "wanting to be a girl again." We all deserve supportive and accepting parents, but the reality is that many of us don't. Particularly back in the day. I myself didn't begin socially and medically transitioning until I was 48 because of the inertia of my upbringing.
Hi, Dr Z. In one of your videos you had a link to a video about the first safe steps to do to find out if you are transgender, before committing to irreversible decisions. I can't find it. Are you able to send a link?
Question can I be both Trans female and gender fluid? Some days I like presenting male especially at my job. When I go out I like presenting more feminine or tomboyish. I feel comfortable on hormones and getting laser hair removel. It has really helped me with my dysphoria.
Best supporter I have 🔥
Can you do a video about tocd
You're a PNW person? That's awesome!
Great video
Thank you Dr.Z
You're most welcome!
❤
Do you think that exploring can make difference, I sometimes think I'm gender nonconforming gay man , other time I feel I'm trans. Im totally not sure ❤ pleas give advice 😅
@JaneChristensen. I'm I guess sometimes ... And I have gender envy
Ask yourself how long and how consistent this dysphoria has been in your life, how firm is your own gender identity, how does it feel when they gender you as a man or woman, these kinds of questions may help.
Exploring is always excellent way to learn more about yourself!
@JaneChristensen. I'm totally comfortable with my sex characteristics, I like my genitalia, the motive of my discomfort is sexuality and sociale anxiety.... That's all and I like having some feminine secondary characteristics like breast ... I have taking a test on internet of gender dysphoria.. and I got mild indication of dysphoria.... But what made me question myself is childhood memories, at 3 or 4 I used to cry a lot and feel shame and guilt .. I can not tell if it's dysphoria or homophobia or what it is exactly?!
@@DRZPHD yes , thank you Dr z
You deserve to go to prison.
👆🤡