Outing myself as the touch story lmao. Thank you guys for reading it and giving me your thoughts! And to those who commented on it already! So here’s an update I guess! We’ve discussed it further and have found more of a middle ground. The biggest issue we found was our tone being the source of the issue rather than the actual act of touch. I can be a bit snappy at times when I get overwhelmed, and likewise when she doesn’t get what she needs. So we’ve talked this through a bit more maturely and have found ways to be more understanding of each other’s needs. This was our only real issue we had, and with us finding a start to a solution, our relationship has grown more. We both agree we need to #gettherapy as individuals more before seeking it as a couple, as we both have individual learning to be done. Thanks again for the affirmation of me not being a total asshole and giving your takes!
Also...it's okay to want to be able to consent/refuse touch, no matter what kind of touch it is. We all have different boundaries. That's okay. Having your partner just ask if it's ok first, can make all the difference.
Your touch story resonated with me. I’m actually in the process right now of packing up the house I shared with my ex who struggled with touch whereas I was raised in a more spoiled and affectionate household. He also struggled to plan and go on dates because he’s very much a homebody and I’m outgoing and enjoy doing things with my partner. Over time even though we loved each other, I decided to choose me instead because I offered to pay for therapy and he declined. He said he wanted to figure it out on his own but after waiting for months things didn’t change. Sometimes love unfortunately isn’t enough and you have to make really difficult life choices. Physical touch is my love language and I need a partner who is outgoing and enjoys expressing their love to me in that way. ❤ However, therapy could’ve saved us I think if my ex had agreed to go. So I think that may work for you if you’re fully committed.
I have that issue with my sister, I have always been super physically affectionate and it took me awhile to get that she just isn’t. I’m a lot better at asking for permission before I hug her now.
I literally thought I was the only one with this kind of problem lol. I was also raised in a non affectionate home & I've always known that contributed to me feeling like I do. & Then I had my oldest son, the most affectionate kid on the planet haha. He always had to be holding my hand (even in sleep) sitting on me/as close as possible, hugs, kisses & it truly gave me so much anxiety/claustrophobia. But I love him so much & didn't want him to have to feel the way I do so I pushed through & did all the things my mom never did. I can honestly say I'm so used to it now I don't notice a thing. I literally can only be like this with my kids though lol, nobody else ❤ tysm for sharing your story & making me feel a little more normal!
In the teenager story where his mom stole his dad's car, I think the chances are high that she has a criminal record. And, getting charged with something like Grand theft Auto when you're already on probation of some kind, likely would result in jail time. I'm guessing the foster care threat was for his other siblings. Like, he could go to his dad's, but the other kids would likely have to go stay with a family member. Which would technically be foster care. Either way, what an absolute shit show. I feel so bad that he's learning these types of manipulation tactics, but a little bit proud that he's turning the tables on them. Damn.
With the second story, I resonate with the boyfriend so much. I also grew up with a single mom who couldn't be there so physical contact never happened with me. My ex used to call me a house cat because I loved being in the same room as him or spending time with him but I was very aloof when it came to physical contact.
There are only two types of podcast bros… the wonderful humans we see here who advocate for mental health and getting therapy so you can be truly happy with yourself and build meaningful real relationships with those in your life. Then there are the “bruhhhhs” who think therapy makes you weak but fully think it’s fine to emotionally and mentally break their partner till they act like their version of their perfect partner🤡 just know we all recognize and appreciate the fact that we get not 1 not 2 but THREE of you fucking wonderful unicorns on one podcast!
Me and my bf have the same physical touch issue. I need physical touch while he needs to be alone sometimes. We separate for some time and if he’s comfortable, we touch elbows or share a blanket while not touching in order to find a middle ground!
The touch story resonated with me. I’m actually in the process right now of packing up the house I shared with my ex who struggled with touch whereas I was raised in a more spoiled and affectionate household. He also struggled to plan and go on dates because he’s very much a homebody and I’m outgoing and enjoy doing things with my partner. Over time even though we loved each other, I decided to choose me instead because I offered to pay for therapy and he declined. He said he wanted to figure it out on his own but after waiting for months things didn’t change. Sometimes love unfortunately isn’t enough and you have to make really difficult life choices. Physical touch is my love language and I need a partner who is outgoing and enjoys expressing their love to me in that way. ❤
I think the father in slept in a different hotel story set up/ was testing his daughter. It wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t actually care about the money. He just wanted to see how she would react. He put her in a lose lose situation. Option a: She doesn’t call and dad knows he messed with the water heater and calls her and gives her shit. Option b: She doesn’t call and he looses it when they get back home. Option c: She calls and he still freaks out. Fuck this dude. Leave him so you and your daughter can heal together.
This might sound harsh, but honestly, it's pretty much the truth. When OP, in the first story, stayed with the bf because of mental health things on his end, I rolled my eyes. It's NOT a partners job to look after the mental health of their partner. Primarily it's the job of the partner in question, who has the mental health problems. Why? Because their mental health is their *responsibility*. Staying with someone who's bad/that you don't love, isn't good for YOUR mental health, and sometimes your general wellbeing. You take care of yourself first and foremost. THEN you help others. Just like on an airplane.
I feel like the disrespectful brother has never got his äss beat before and that need to be fixed. 100% the dad messed with the water heater as an excuse to scream at her. Something’s…..wrong with him, especially if it started when she started getting…..older….
The most A**holes...did you know that there is an abalone with five of them? Learned that from AJ Jacobs reading the encyclopedia. Encyclopedia you might recognize two of the parts of this word- Cyclo (wheel) and Pedia (education/children/rearing). It's a book to teach everything the whole of knowledge. Great episode guys. Cheers
The physical touch story is an interesting one. I’m autistic and also have the love language of words of affirmation with physical touch being the lowest on my list. Touch is something I really have to be in the mood for. I often sacrificed my autonomy in past relationships out of guilt but after getting therapy I’ve become more of an advocate for my own comfort. I agree with John, couples therapy session would be good. Additionally, speaking about boundaries at length and in detail. Workout a communication system for things like this on both sides
Yes! Consent is key in any physical affection no matter what level. A person should not sacrifice their comfort, boundaries and happiness to appease a partner. That’s not a good relationship. Yes compromising is important in relationships but when it comes to physical intimacy that’s not a place for compromise. If your partner needs more touch than you are comfortable with then you may be incompatible.
For the second story seems like they have different attachment style, this develop from the upbringing. How affectionate and emotionally open the parents are to their child. They have different love languages. They need to know how to compromise with each other but also respect each other's bounderies. Touching is one of the biggest deal of bounderies. I just that the partner should ask for permissions when he or she wants to touch his or her partner. And try holding hands first or just holding his or her arm for a small period of time. Hug for a small period of time and always ask them when u want to hug them. Make them feel comfortable first on your touch and gradually be physically affectionate to them. For the partner who has bounderies in physical touch, you need to understand your partner to, give suggestion of what is comfy to you. And also, explain express your emotions clearly as to why you don't want to much physical touch so that zhe understands and not just makes your partner feel unloved because that's her love language, you also need to compromise to her needs if you want it to work. 😊
the story with the AH brother; the phrase Sean was thinking of is: turn about is fair play. but double standards dont count when the gender changes 🫣… 🤥jk , tho sadly that family may actually feel that way 😢
Outing myself as the touch story lmao. Thank you guys for reading it and giving me your thoughts! And to those who commented on it already! So here’s an update I guess!
We’ve discussed it further and have found more of a middle ground. The biggest issue we found was our tone being the source of the issue rather than the actual act of touch. I can be a bit snappy at times when I get overwhelmed, and likewise when she doesn’t get what she needs. So we’ve talked this through a bit more maturely and have found ways to be more understanding of each other’s needs. This was our only real issue we had, and with us finding a start to a solution, our relationship has grown more. We both agree we need to #gettherapy as individuals more before seeking it as a couple, as we both have individual learning to be done.
Thanks again for the affirmation of me not being a total asshole and giving your takes!
That's awesome to hear Demi! ❤️ We love hearing about mature solutions! 😊 Thank you for sharing your story!!
Also...it's okay to want to be able to consent/refuse touch, no matter what kind of touch it is. We all have different boundaries. That's okay. Having your partner just ask if it's ok first, can make all the difference.
Your touch story resonated with me. I’m actually in the process right now of packing up the house I shared with my ex who struggled with touch whereas I was raised in a more spoiled and affectionate household. He also struggled to plan and go on dates because he’s very much a homebody and I’m outgoing and enjoy doing things with my partner. Over time even though we loved each other, I decided to choose me instead because I offered to pay for therapy and he declined. He said he wanted to figure it out on his own but after waiting for months things didn’t change. Sometimes love unfortunately isn’t enough and you have to make really difficult life choices. Physical touch is my love language and I need a partner who is outgoing and enjoys expressing their love to me in that way. ❤
However, therapy could’ve saved us I think if my ex had agreed to go. So I think that may work for you if you’re fully committed.
I have that issue with my sister, I have always been super physically affectionate and it took me awhile to get that she just isn’t. I’m a lot better at asking for permission before I hug her now.
I literally thought I was the only one with this kind of problem lol. I was also raised in a non affectionate home & I've always known that contributed to me feeling like I do. & Then I had my oldest son, the most affectionate kid on the planet haha. He always had to be holding my hand (even in sleep) sitting on me/as close as possible, hugs, kisses & it truly gave me so much anxiety/claustrophobia. But I love him so much & didn't want him to have to feel the way I do so I pushed through & did all the things my mom never did. I can honestly say I'm so used to it now I don't notice a thing. I literally can only be like this with my kids though lol, nobody else ❤ tysm for sharing your story & making me feel a little more normal!
In the teenager story where his mom stole his dad's car, I think the chances are high that she has a criminal record. And, getting charged with something like Grand theft Auto when you're already on probation of some kind, likely would result in jail time. I'm guessing the foster care threat was for his other siblings. Like, he could go to his dad's, but the other kids would likely have to go stay with a family member. Which would technically be foster care. Either way, what an absolute shit show. I feel so bad that he's learning these types of manipulation tactics, but a little bit proud that he's turning the tables on them. Damn.
Sadly maybe the kids need to be raised by someone else if mom is that toxic.
With the second story, I resonate with the boyfriend so much. I also grew up with a single mom who couldn't be there so physical contact never happened with me. My ex used to call me a house cat because I loved being in the same room as him or spending time with him but I was very aloof when it came to physical contact.
There are only two types of podcast bros… the wonderful humans we see here who advocate for mental health and getting therapy so you can be truly happy with yourself and build meaningful real relationships with those in your life. Then there are the “bruhhhhs” who think therapy makes you weak but fully think it’s fine to emotionally and mentally break their partner till they act like their version of their perfect partner🤡 just know we all recognize and appreciate the fact that we get not 1 not 2 but THREE of you fucking wonderful unicorns on one podcast!
Me and my bf have the same physical touch issue. I need physical touch while he needs to be alone sometimes. We separate for some time and if he’s comfortable, we touch elbows or share a blanket while not touching in order to find a middle ground!
The touch story resonated with me. I’m actually in the process right now of packing up the house I shared with my ex who struggled with touch whereas I was raised in a more spoiled and affectionate household. He also struggled to plan and go on dates because he’s very much a homebody and I’m outgoing and enjoy doing things with my partner. Over time even though we loved each other, I decided to choose me instead because I offered to pay for therapy and he declined. He said he wanted to figure it out on his own but after waiting for months things didn’t change. Sometimes love unfortunately isn’t enough and you have to make really difficult life choices. Physical touch is my love language and I need a partner who is outgoing and enjoys expressing their love to me in that way. ❤
I think the father in slept in a different hotel story set up/ was testing his daughter. It wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t actually care about the money. He just wanted to see how she would react. He put her in a lose lose situation.
Option a: She doesn’t call and dad knows he messed with the water heater and calls her and gives her shit.
Option b: She doesn’t call and he looses it when they get back home.
Option c: She calls and he still freaks out.
Fuck this dude. Leave him so you and your daughter can heal together.
This might sound harsh, but honestly, it's pretty much the truth.
When OP, in the first story, stayed with the bf because of mental health things on his end, I rolled my eyes.
It's NOT a partners job to look after the mental health of their partner. Primarily it's the job of the partner in question, who has the mental health problems. Why? Because their mental health is their *responsibility*.
Staying with someone who's bad/that you don't love, isn't good for YOUR mental health, and sometimes your general wellbeing.
You take care of yourself first and foremost. THEN you help others. Just like on an airplane.
That brother needs a vibe check from that story.
I feel like the disrespectful brother has never got his äss beat before and that need to be fixed.
100% the dad messed with the water heater as an excuse to scream at her. Something’s…..wrong with him, especially if it started when she started getting…..older….
The most A**holes...did you know that there is an abalone with five of them? Learned that from AJ Jacobs reading the encyclopedia. Encyclopedia you might recognize two of the parts of this word- Cyclo (wheel) and Pedia (education/children/rearing). It's a book to teach everything the whole of knowledge. Great episode guys. Cheers
The physical touch story is an interesting one. I’m autistic and also have the love language of words of affirmation with physical touch being the lowest on my list. Touch is something I really have to be in the mood for. I often sacrificed my autonomy in past relationships out of guilt but after getting therapy I’ve become more of an advocate for my own comfort.
I agree with John, couples therapy session would be good. Additionally, speaking about boundaries at length and in detail. Workout a communication system for things like this on both sides
Yes! Consent is key in any physical affection no matter what level. A person should not sacrifice their comfort, boundaries and happiness to appease a partner. That’s not a good relationship. Yes compromising is important in relationships but when it comes to physical intimacy that’s not a place for compromise. If your partner needs more touch than you are comfortable with then you may be incompatible.
it's 3:30 am and it's reddit on wiki time
For the second story seems like they have different attachment style, this develop from the upbringing. How affectionate and emotionally open the parents are to their child. They have different love languages. They need to know how to compromise with each other but also respect each other's bounderies. Touching is one of the biggest deal of bounderies. I just that the partner should ask for permissions when he or she wants to touch his or her partner. And try holding hands first or just holding his or her arm for a small period of time. Hug for a small period of time and always ask them when u want to hug them. Make them feel comfortable first on your touch and gradually be physically affectionate to them. For the partner who has bounderies in physical touch, you need to understand your partner to, give suggestion of what is comfy to you. And also, explain express your emotions clearly as to why you don't want to much physical touch so that zhe understands and not just makes your partner feel unloved because that's her love language, you also need to compromise to her needs if you want it to work. 😊
Awesome nta
It is never okay to be plastered at a child's birthday party. Sorry Sean.
the story with the AH brother; the phrase Sean was thinking of is: turn about is fair play. but double standards dont count when the gender changes 🫣… 🤥jk , tho sadly that family may actually feel that way 😢