Why Narcissists Can't Admit Being Wrong, featuring Dr. Guy Winch
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Dr. C has an enlightening discussion with Dr. Guy Winch about narcissists who simply cannot say: "I was wrong." Dr. Winch identifies multiple reasons they have this difficulty, then discusses our best responses.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his TH-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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‘They will repeat their mistakes to the grave’. True words!
Or to ours because of them.
"Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviours, but never will discuss their disrespect that triggered you."
-Unknown
They are the only ones deserving of respect, (whether parent, child, sibling or partner).
This is so right, I've experienced it so many times. Apologising for something THEY done. Mind boggling.
It is your fault that they’ve misbehaved. And therefore you’re not allowed to have your emotions, you’re not entitled to your reactions, and you’re a bad person for even bringing it up to them because after all, you caused it. Narcissist are so twisted.
They are so self righteous, they can't see past their nose😅
This is so incredibly profound. They set us up and then criticize our honest expression or exasperation and frustration!
The greatest sadness is they have the power of manipulation. They get away with it because they exhaust everyone else. The only reason they have any relationships is due to manipulating someone. 😢😢😢
You've got that right.
They feel intense shame and take it way too far to hide it. They are ‘never wrong’ in order to keep the facade going. They must portray a higher position to feel in control. You better not do better than they are in anything, or else. 🔨🔨🔨
👍
💯💯💯
My husband’s ex wife is a typical narcissist. They have children and so he has to keep interacting with her. It’s a nightmare. We have decided to do everything in writing with her in terms of the kids so that we keep a proof of everything that has been decided. But even then, she doesn’t “see”/admit the gaslighting, the misinformation she gave earlier, her change of decision etc. And she accuses us of exactly what she does.
It’s awful to experience that on daily basis.
I have a family member like that. I will not interact with them without witnesses and recording and any agreement to work with them would have to be in writing.
In return, they avoid me at all costs! Like the literal they will leave public events to avoid me level of avoidance.😁
Bravo to you! Well done! I think people who are not stuck with a narcisist (who don't share kids, or are over 21) have to ABSOLUTELY stay away from these people. They are always right and whatever you do, or whatever way you do it, you will always be wrong in their eyes and they will always blame you. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. @@mrsqueakthecat.8061
Sorry to hear that and wish your family well. My husband’s ex-wife does the same things you described.
@@maragirl1658sorry to hear that. I hope you manage to deal with her the best way possible. With children in the middle, it’s so much harder. Also we want them to be protected from her harassment, tantrums and hunger for drama.
I've tried the "in writing" thing. It doesn't work. All that happens is they say "Well I only signed it because you forced me to", or "That isn't what I meant, you're misinterpreting it", or "Wow, how petty of you to want things in writing" or, "That was yesterday, before you...(fill in the blanks)". The mental gymnastics done to avoid any kind of accountability is second to none.
When I admitted fault with my narc sister she added to it..." And you're this and you're that!"
Yes! Thats a predictable alert for the prime insulter to pour on more insults to drag you down deeper to make themselves appear higher with such fakery! It’s all very sick! I had to go no contact with my sick insane abusive dangerous sister as there’s no end to them setting you up for abuse! Their jealousy can go deep and making you a scapegoat is the goal as well to deflect off themselves!
Pathetic!🙄
Though retired now, I used to marvel at decision-makers at the many places I worked through the years who could not admit they made mistakes. That meant mistakes never got corrected. I watched a lot of businesses crash and burn.
I never had a problem saying, "I made a mistake, and here's how I'm going to fix it."
I've often admitted I am wrong, just to keep the peace. And then they hammered me more.
Don't betray yourself like that ever again ok?
🤗
They will not allow for talking anything out or make peace if it involves exposing why and what the reason is they are blaming you for the relationship division. 😢
Narcissists remain squarely in their (Self- proclaimed) Superior position even when faced with empirical evidence they are flawed. Don't climb that mountain of shame with them. Remember the movie " The Blob " - don't get any on ya!!
Yes. It gets really messy 😕
😮😅😂😅! Good one 👍😅
My dad, to the max, on this. I am no-contact, so I won't be undermined by him and his nonsense!
I had a friend come to me quite aggressively with accusations of unsolicited advice. I had suggested a movie to her. I was taken aback by the aggression and anger and tried to tell her I meant nothing by the movie suggestion.
Then, when I texted her the next day telling her that I didn’t appreciate being spoken to that way and asked on how we could agree on how to treat each other moving forward, she completely blew up. I had no problem for apologizing for hurting her feelings and wanted to understand why she was reacting in such an awful way.
Drop her when she shows you her real self
Her attitude: her problem!
When you get frustrated you’re accused of being erratic and argumentative 😂 it’s so piece full in my home again it’s been 2 months and I certainly don’t miss all that drama,, I still have vile emails from him but I don’t have to answer him anymore 🙌🏼
One thing I wish I could get is someone to stand with me and tell the narcissist in my life that they see them and what they're doing isn't right.
I don't expect the person to fundamentally change, but if they know I don't stand alone they would be a huge help and make things much more tolerable.
I've tried to get therapists to do this and they won't, which is sad for me and the narcissist in my life. I see their issue as a neurodevelopmental disorder. I've worked with many people with disabilities and we were just straight up with them, and in a sensitive way, that such and such is not okay. Just like children, gentle but firm. I know this would help with the situation in my life but I can't get anyone to do it and it's caused a lot of pain and damage.
I wish the therapists I'd seen for decades taught me anything about this or how to stand up for myself or what healthy relationships look like.
Glad you guys are raising awareness. Hopefully it helps grow what therapy can do and the knowledge base of therapists.
Edit to add I've thing I forgot to say: it's said they abuse thrives in the dark and can't survive in the light. The light being public exposure.
To me at least, therapists not being able to carefully assess and then call out abuse, enables that abuse.
I've seen a true narcissist get absolutely and promptly dogpiled for their venom and arrogance, and it just kept coming and coming from them. A complete human would've at least given pause and admitted fault, but the narc is literally incapable of it. Their propensity to shift around and spit venom while they were 1000% wrong (and also initiated with bile and snark) was actually jarring and creepy. They're basically petty low level demons who also got a human body at birth.
"know what (who) you're dealing with & adjust your expectations accordingly"
That is some really actionable advice. It could save a person from so much aggravation and wasted time
yeah, that's code for: find/create your exits NOW. Narcs are typically charismatic and awesome in public contexts, but never bring them 1:1 up close and personal.
Dr. C - I have an idea for a video if you understand it...something about how narcissists' lack of empathy and delusionality lead them to making wrong assumptions and erroneous judgments. projection probably also plays a huge role, as with everything they do. and say.
Good suggestion.
@@SurvivingNarcissism you've probably already done one!
They always hold us to a standard that means nothing to them and their actions. What do we do when they claim to hold things against you but will not tell us what we did?
This is classic. Usually, it is something we never did at all but was a figment of their delusion because of how they see themselves and others. Usually, this "offense," if you will, will surface at an opportune time for the narc, to throw you off balance and to regain their control of a situation. The best way to counteract this is to remain calm, state that it is not how you remember it, and ask them why they perceived it that way?
I recently had an experience with my young adult stepdaughter. We had a conversation that was needed because of something that happened that she brought upon herself. I asked more questions, though not many, than I made declarations. Every time she would try to veer off course with some random accusation, I'd redirect to the center of the conversation. Let's just say, there was nothing she could do to flip it around on us, no matter what she tried. We remained calm and collected. We let her know it was a safe place to talk if she had any grievances relative to the topic. We gave opportunities (3 ×) for her to tell us what her thoughts were about the events that lead to the current situation. Total silence. When she realized she could not manipulate us or cause an emotional upheaval, she stormed out and slammed the door. She still hasn't spoken to us, and that was 2 months ago. She's mad at us when she should be mad at herself. The "stonewalling" is manipulation. I told my husband not to let it get to his heart. It's what she wants. She will have to learn the hard way. Keep the boundaries. In a normal relationship, we can not correct what we do not know.
The narcissist's ego is a sense of superiority which is an insecure place because it doesn't really exist.
Typical of rich spoiled rotten brats that grew up extremely privileged their entire childhood
DH is from a military family. The father would force admission that you made a mistake as a humiliation ritual. Just ground them into the dirt. Not a great guy-always had to “win”, force others, especially his kids, into subjection. I think his kids developed great skill with blame-shifting to avoid the humiliation.
I joined a support group right before Christmas and am starting individual counseling to heal from the abuse the narcissist brought to me. To this day, the narcissist has not admitted to anything they’ve done wrong and the focus has all been on how bad I’ve behaved. I spent too much time defending myself. It’s always “I know I have issues but you have a SERIOUS temper”
Now I just say “Thanks for that insight! Enjoy your day!”
For a narcissist to admit that they were actully wrong about something would be to admit they have failings or are imperfect, and that is so anathema to their psyche as to be totally unacceptable. A narcissist believes they are perfect and without flaws, it is everyone else who is wrong and the sooner that other people realize this, the better their world will be.
I left a 30 year marriage with a narc. Now I have financial worries I never had. Has anyone else experienced this? Do you ever think “I should have learned to live with this without it impacting me so deeply” to keep the financial security late in life?
It’s a hard place to stand. I went straight from leaving the marriage to caring for elderly sick parents. No end in site! I’m tired!
Wow. This guy is amazing. My life for 30 years. About mentally and emotionally destroyed me.
Ughh so used to this behavior from most of the people i was around when i was growing up. I always wished the person would also be strong enough to say “i was wrong” and it just wouldnt happen. Trying to continue to get them to see this was fruitless. “A fools errand” as he said lol.
She told me she's never wrong in a cute joking way, in the honeymoon phase. I didn't believe she was serious. I was very wrong.
Another great one Dr. C. thank you for this.
Glad you enjoyed it
Dr. Guy has such a nice smile. In talking how about how incredibly fragile the narcissist's ego is, it is a fascinating contrast to also how much abuse that same narcissist expects others to endure in order to be around him or her. I must walk on eggshells, never offend, always apologize or take blame (where there is none) in order to get along with the narcissist, yet the smallest (often unintended slight) will set off a huge emotional injury in the narcissist. I guess what I've just described is their incredible deficit of empathy. And the idea that this will not change is so depressing.
So my question is: does it ever work to apologize to a narcissist? Should I bother?
@@lindalarson5468Linda, practice DRC. If you’ve actually done something worth apologizing for, apologize. It reflects who you are. If you are accused of something you didn’t do, don’t apologize. If dealing with a Narc, keep apology brief. Generic, if possible.
I also understand now they strike out cuz something about me threatens them. Getting a bit easier to not take it personally.
Great discussion
Dr. C, thank you so much for having this insightful conversation. I feel grateful and thankful for the learnings because it helps a lot. What strike me particularly was about the fragile ego. Now I know what fragile means because I have heard a number of times that narcissists have a fragile ego and I wonder what fragile means and what makes their ego so fragile? I get the answer to my question from here. It is the narcissist's defenses that makes it so fragile. I hope that you could talk more about this. Thank you so much Dr. C for all that you do. Sending you a big hug.
Glad to be on the path with you. Virtual hug received!
Great interview! I liked how it was all explained. So clear.
This is all perfectly laid out, thank you. It's also very discouraging when the person is your own mother...so thank you again for your amazing help that we can have access to...it just turns out it's another step I'm taking today to realize the situation I find myself in, my mom will never be able to discuss her past hurts and why they lend to her inability to have mature emotions and adult discussions. Thank you men.
A commitment to their own dishonesty. But they see themselves as victims! Exactly!
I have listened to this 3 times this week, and I am starting to thinking it is arguably the most important interview you've done. The lack of a accountability, and therefore honesty, is so prevalent. Of course nothing changes because they never learn from mistakes they only perceive as victimisation. No wonder narcs don't grow, evolve or mature.
I took notes while watching this. My brother is the narcissist. You both describe his conversations absolutely perfectly. He doesn't take any responsibility for the choices he has made, but blames me for them claiming that I either gave him bad advice or didn't give him advice. It's all very exhausting to listen to. I get so emotionally drained being told how awful I am and how I have ruined his life. I know there is nothing I can say to make it stop.
Keep learning, and hold onto your personal boundaries!
That was POWERFUL, if u cant admit you're wrong, u cant admit to yourself youre wrong, and u cant fix mistakes.
These ppl never WANT to act/be better in the future.
Thank you for your time today - very helpful to get your insights.
Yes, I am that family member 😢
If it is a fragile Ego, aren’t there ways to build a resilient ego while taking off the defensive cladding?
Thank you so much for this
It is true, Narcissists are very fragile behind all the bravado. Their ego is so fragile because they have no self-love. When I confronted my Mother on her abuse, she literally ended up in the hospital which of course, was all my fault. They are such victims.
Wow, you have been discussing the traits of my mother - very rigid in her thought processes that she was right now matter what even if you can prove to her she was wrong - in her mind she is right. I only saw her admit a mistake a couple of times and that always surprised me when she did. She fabricated lies about me that were very vicious then maligned me to my sisters. She passed in February 2017 and I will guarantee you that she was arguing her Maker even as she was passing. They do so much damage and they simply don't care. They are devoid of any feelings and will do anything they think will elevate themselves when in reality all they are doing is showing others how shallow and empty they really are. She once told me that I was the blame for everything bad that has ever happened in her life and she wished I hadn't lived. That's tough to hear from the person who gave you life. I frequently distanced myself from her because I needed to protect my heart from her cruelty. Then when I'd visit her again she would tell me she missed and that she loved me. I didn't respond to those empty words of love or missing me because I knew she was just spouting empty words. At that time I didn't realize she was a narcissist as she was diagnosed many years ago with mental health issues, but because of what Dr. Carter shares with us I came to realize that she was truly beyond help. During her last week of life she kept talking like she was arguing with "someone" and kept saying "no" so I'm sure she was resisting leaving this world for another. I hope she found peace in passing; she certainly wasn't ever happy while she was on this earth. Sadly, she wasted a lot of energy being mean and cruel.
My ex told me he was sorry for his last terrifying rage fit while I was trapped in the car. But then there was a BUT...I've never behaved this way with anyone else ever, but since you stopped loving me so long ago, it sent me over the edge. That's complete and total nonsense all the way around. I had no choice but to go no contact after that. 4 years of excuses, blaming & shaming was enough for me.
Oh I still made the mistake that the person was going to think normally...and I tried with fact and reason and I was so baffled....over and over. I made peace, swallowed my discussion and walked away. Then the next call, as I bit back every natural comment in order to remain interested (but disengaged) and then the trap. I was not being interested enough.
I WAS TOLD BY A FAMILY MEMBER THAT SAYING I AM SORRY IS AN ADMISSION OF BEING BAD OR FAILING IN SOME WAY I SEE BY SAYING I AM SORRY IS AN ABILITY TO CORRECT MY SELF AND BUILD BACK BETTER . NOT THAT I OR THEY HAVE FAILED OR I OR THEY ARE BAD!
My experience is that most or all narcissists know precisely what they are doing, that it's wrong, and why it's wrong. They just won't admit. They also won't settle on a single excuse, because they know it's just an excuse and not believable. The excuses are inconsistent shift over time - i.e. I didn't do it, someone else forced me to do it, you're just thin-skinned, someone else treated me badly, so I can't be blamed for treating you badly, etc. etc. etc. - which shows better than anything that they know what they won't admit.
Thank you so much for this interview! This was a great perspective.
Suzanne
Thank you for this video.
Glad it was helpful!
Wow, thats so true, the whole interview... The biggest lie of all is the truth not told all
This is Adam in the Garden of Eden.
Correct. That is a prototype of the narcissistic mindset. In that story, see if you can identify the five emotions that predominate. Pride, fear, loneliness, inferiority, anger.
Wow,exactly
So helpful. The difficulty for me is living with my son of 34 who does not compromise wont reason has Aspergers living off my meagre pension. Its just worn me down to someone I am not. First ir was the husband whom i divorced who has thankfully died but my son now is the collatral damage. My heart breaks and i silently weep as i know how it will end up but i havent got the means to separate. I work on acceptance everyday. Take care of yourself if you can. This interview was so enlightening and unpacking it you both did well at.
Excellent video unfortunately for me my Narcissistic person is going through narcissistic collapse and I’m trying to cope with the abuse I’m receiving so I really feel this was a excellent video much appreciated
Could you just go No Contact?
When I asked my husband for a divorce, he decided to bring this up in front of a common friend. He acted so nicely, like he is being victimized, like I am unreasonable. He looked at me and said: "You know, in the past 5 years, every single decision you have made has been wrong. Do you realize this?" This really re-enforced why I am divorcing him.
What a jerk.
I think the fragility can be created very early in life if a child is not nurtured by their Mothers and have received continual criticism...they are never good enough in the eyes of the one person who should love them unconditionally and the harm permeates their lives at every stage. To confront a Narcissist with their shortcomings is a recipe for disaster because it is too crushing for them to hear more damaging words and they feel attacked and then the rage and beligerence rises full scale.
My daughter is a covert passive-aggressive vulnerable narcissist and even she admits that she was nurtured when she was a child. I have no idea where things went wrong with her. I have racked my brains for years to understand it.
You are actually enabling the narcissist by blaming someone else besides themselves: "it's all their mother's fault!"
I've watched key events lead to personality splits that then became full-blown NPD. It's always a trauma...a personal failure that leads to consequences for an ODD person, as an example. No way will they allow the truth to be revealed-- that they failed. Thus,a fake self built on "that didn't happen,I don't own my mistake,you are bad for being honest about me,except that me is never guilty" merry go round
And thank you this is excellent and relatable
Many thanks both of you. 🌹
When I was a kid I was super uptight and insecure. I’m the type that I’d super smart and a lot of times I am right snd people confuse being very smart with being a know it all or maybe a narcissist but I can’t help that I can listen to something you talk about and know the rest of what you’re saying or know how to do things or about things that a person assumes they know more about at a job their training me for. And then there’s just the amount of knowledge I have and how I correct people when they’re wrong about something. To me if someone allowed me to go on thinking the wrong way about something or to just be wrong in anyway well that’s doing me a great injustice not correcting me as I don’t like to be ignorant of things and think I’m right about them. But I’m school I was afraid to use the toilet for number 2for test someone would hear me, I wouldn’t blow my nose cause of the gross snot sounds and I didn’t ask for help with anything in school from my teachers cause i was embarrassed to let people know I didn’t know something. I used to be able to do algebra 1 level algebra in my head and not have to use paper to work out the problems. I was given a 0 and told I was cheating because I took a test and didn’t shoe sny if the work. Well the teacher tried to say I couldn’t do that because she couldn’t even do that so I told my dad and he had her give me s much harder test and I took it as they watched and did all the problems in my head just like before and I aced it and that was a great feeling to know the teacher had admitted I was smarter than her cause she was mean and I was failing her class. I made all A’s in the class I got transferred to because the teacher was nice and didn’t pick on me like the other one did but it was a great feeling knowing I had bested that teacher and did something she thought would I couldn’t do. But does me being smart and knowing 90% of what I’m talking about when people think and say I’m a know it all or smartass, make me a narcissist. I hope not. Cause I only correct people as a way of not letting them sound like they’re ignorant of what they are talking about to someone. Like I said, I feel like letting someone go on being wrong is doing them an injustice and I fully believe that’s true.
I am quite bright also but I learned humility.
Your constant statements that since you are intelligent that gives you the right to criticize others shows me that you might very well be a narcissist too.
I learned that having a high IQ isn't any protection from having emotional issues also.
Oh my goodness I almost just asked a cousin on my dad’s side if there was mental heath issues on my dad’s side but then remember that side of my family had Pedifiles . How sad even google wont allow spelling the word correct. 2 of my uncles were very bad men. I was lucky my aunt and good uncle protected me when I told as a young child. They called my dad and I was removed after my uncle approached me. Thankfully mom listened back then. Her aunt married my dad’s brother, I was saved unlike my cousins back then.
You’ll have an easier time nailing jello to a wall … then having a civil conversation w a narcissist.😵💫
I skipped typing 6 days straight before getting called.out and physically punished
Thank you DrLes and DrGuy.. so different approaches so explaining behaviour.. ( I'm a bit nervous about European perfection 😅.. so valuable Thank you
The frustration that comes with this is sickening.cant admit wrong doing, cant admit feelings even to their damn children
Because of PARANOIA, these individuals are too afraid to admit/confess that they’re wrong because someone will use the admittance or confession (as a retaliatory tool) against them. That’s why narcissists tend be more fearful of their victims than the victims being afraid of them (the narcissists). Furthermore, narcissists tend to have this “either be the predator OR be preyed upon” mentality.
I know a Narcissist who put this video on his FB page because he accuses his ex of being one. He cannot see he himself is the Narcissist . He argues with everyone, has laid numerous frivolous lawsuits, laid even more frivolous complaints to all government agencies and constantly tells everyone he is a victim of govt abuse. He's in his own little world. And he can't understand why his kids want nothing to do with him. 😂
And he has zero friends, and a bad relationship with his parents because he won't listen to reason.
Excellent video! Spot on!
I had a friend at work and he would come in with black eyes and broken nose from his wife. 6 months ago he shot himsef in the face in front of his wife and 1yr old and everyone is saying" poor Amber" what will she ever do? i never got to talk to him about what i knew about narcs cause he quit before i was enlightened but I think about it alot. I wish i could of helped him. We need to speak up cause he was a good guy and she was a monster that will do it again to someone else.
i try to present evidence when i am told i was wrong but i meet with denial every time no no no thats not true its very frustrating i finally gave up with them they simply annot admit fault no way that in my opinion is a manner of self righteous denial of human tendency to sometimes be in error at some times
I am looking Dr. Winch youtube channel so that I can follow him ..help. Thank you
Excellent Content
Tried for 25 years before I radically accepted the futility of this dynamic.
What if the narc says something so astoundingly hurtful that you want to die and renders you non functioning? What do you do?!?
Listen to Paul Simon's songs 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.
Then run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
They made a dead-line to be done. Then didn’t do it! T 22 months., they decided to try to stay in control of the situation They will not get it done or do it at all. It goes no where. You ask why it wasn’t done after 22 months. I then become the bad guy.
You can’t count on them.
Don’t know why I thought they would get it this time. You try to give someone a chance to help out and they blow it. No wonder they could not keep a job. But to hear them it was everyone else’s fault he had to quit. More likely now they were probably fired.
So now I’ve told him to pack up and go, so we can get someone else to finish it.
They won’t leave, so confrontation will have to happen. Legal. I cannot give this relative a chance after so much of this. The spite they have for others is over! We are tired of being cussed at.
Mine said he was wrg here and there but only if it benefitted him or he looked like the better person to do so, and I knew it wasn't sincere.
All you are trying to explain to them and show them and discuss with them how they are treating you and why you can't be around them but it doesn't work they always think you are blaming them instead of they understanding you naming their behavior and how it effects you.
Name me a woman or a narcissistic man who had taken responsibility and apologized.
I would think you would run away from these ppl. It's never going to end. So enjoy the toxic pain in staying with them. Going no contact is the best but don't let your guard down and fall for their B.S. it's never ending. Once you let your guard down they will pull you back in over and over again. It sucks when the ppl around you fall for it and theirs nothing you can do. I'm worried about someone I love falling for someone's b.s. and the drama starts all over again. It's been nice and drama free. Now once again ppl are falling for it. I see it all and it makes me so upset. I'm stressed for the drama that will come back into our lives. Over and over again. Oh they this and that. NO don't believe it don't listen to them.
I'm horrible for not wanting drama and a toxic life. I finally had no drama and I'm now worried it's going to start all over again. You can't even engage with these ppl. Others don't want to listen so then it Messes with your life too. It's so tiring. I can't handle the drama and toxicness. I'm getting to old for this. My physical health is at stake. But I guess it doesn't matter. Pfft smh
Very good
Thanks
How about they are predatory not fragile?!
I think calling them fragile and insecure is pure projection and enabling from people with empathy
Yes, they are predatory. Yes, they are fragile, in the sense that emotionally they crumble easily.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for the reply. Maybe the Narcissists i am thinking about in my history were more on the sociopathy spectrum, but they didn't seem insecure or crumbling emotionally at all.
They came across as ice cold calculating liars and thieves that lack any shame or moral compass.
Basically sharks with a human appearance.
@26:24 FighterJet EJECT button.
💜😎👍
How do they end up so broken?
Sad to think they are stuck in that quandary forever
“An endless exercise in frustration and compromise.” Hmmmm. . . yep sounds a whole lot like my former two and a half decade marriage. It was a never ending saga of futility.
What is lowdown pathetic way of being. How do they ever feel good about themselves?????
Narcissists can't admit being wrong, but have no problem blaming you for everything that goes wrong.
True 👍
That’s your role!
Exactly! He thinks, if I feel bad it must be your fault.
My mother is this way. I started believing I was the main problem bc that's what I was always told.
This is so true
The funny part in all this is that they often label other people they abuse as fragile and overly sensitive 😂
They sure do
They do love hiding behind their transparent projectionism as if no one can still see them for what they are.
lol I know it’s so backwards
They Are Gaslighters !
And / or the people they abuse are ‘unforgiving,’ when the issue is that they are unremorseful and unapologetic. But what is revealing is the accusation of being ‘unforgiving’ is a tacit admission of guilt on their part, yet still being without remorse nor offering a genuine apology.
"One thing about narcissists is they are extraordinarily predictable." This is gold . 💛 Thank you.
Yes they are not that mysterious lol just frustrating bc you feel like you’re going in circles
Narcissists will compete with you. That's one of the most predictable things they do.
Yep, competitive one up ya to guard their insecurity 😮😅
Absolutely they will oee on your leg and tell you it's raining. 😊😢
Here's another one. It diesnt matter how many times they go to store and even with a list he doesn't get something. Then after the 20 th time you mention this is rediculous you tell the narc it can't always be a mistake and they go into a rage abd he says . People can make mistakes why are you upset ???
Even if you had video of what they did, they would still deny it! Don’t let them make you unsettled!
If you recorded what they did, it your fault already. (Real-life story every single day)
Absolutely
I have seen a video where the interviewer caught the interviewee in a blatant lie and the person would even admit they would do it again.
Because narcissism is a lie & it’s the basis of life
Been there and played that game. It did not matter to them that they were getting caught in their lies and called out in real time as I recorded them point blank doing it. They just kept going as if they believed that if they just lied hard enough long enough, I'd give up and give in.
Its almost magical that the content like this is available for us for free.
Thank You.
Glad for the opportunity to use the YT platform for this!
Thank you, my mind was blown when I discovered the patterns. Your channel is the one I think is the best..or absolute top tier. Hi from . NZ@@SurvivingNarcissism
If someone else admits a mistake, they jump on it. They think it shows weakness. Like a predator waiting for the opening to destroy you.
And-“everyone is out to get me”-yes! And, they are always out to get others too. Works both ways.
Why Trump dumps on wounded servicemen as well as foreigners like his Scottish mother whom he hated since he never separated @ the appropriate age of 3 so he’s stuck in those terrible 2’s forever & we’re stuck with him
Self-awareness is not their strong point in life.
Look! A responsible, mature adult that can humble themselves and admit when they are wrong! I've found me scapegoat. 😈
Society sees you're the responsible one who can admit they are human and goes along with the narc that everything is your fault. Even if you are on the other side of the world at the time. Through some mystical force you have done it. There can be no discussion about it since the stupidity would be on full display. Just go along to get along with the unspoken rules but never ever speak of them or else you're oppressing everyone. REEEEEEE!
Yep, the truth teller doesn't have a chance against the masked liar😮😮
@@teresadvorak6145 They do but they have to take an active exposure-type defense stance to make it work.
They lie, you call it out and expose it on the spot and you never back down no matter how insane they get.
I like the eject and parachute analogy. I shall remember that one. It's pointless talking to them about anything. They do not care how you feel or think. They're right you're wrong in their heads, there is no nuance. Once you wake up, you cannot unsee it and they won't change. There is no relationship, there never was because they cannot connect unless it's on their terms. You might spend decades in confusion slowly disintegrating and loosing yourself before something breaks the spell and you finally see they don't care about you and they never did. They rationalise everything they do and you're the bad person. Paranoid and defensive and they'll throw you under the bus every time to save themselves.
This is the sad, sad truth. You lose everyone slowly as they become bullied, bribed, and finally desensitized. You are the problem for everyone keeping on.
Oh how I want to hear the words, 'I don't like who I am when I am around them'.
Bingo. It’s like trying to have a relationship with and get through to a retarded zombie.
And this works in all contexts: just as well in private life, work context, or service context.
Very very well written. This is exactly what happened to me, only i never did put it as clearly. Thank you*
It is incredibly sad and painful that we are all going through this. I'm glad my comment could connect with how others feel and help in some small way ✌
@@bereal6590 Yes, thank you for sharing. 🌹 It is so true and we often realize what's going on very late.
Pushing away responsibility for their wrongdoings! This is the bomb that obliterates the relationship. It reeks of putridity.
Yep, they are distortionists calling anyone who talks about what's going on a conspiritist so they can keep their eyes closed to true facts 😅😂
@@raygarafano3633 Oh yes.
In that case, my narc dad stinks! I have no contact, so I don't have to smell his s....!
The main issue I’ve seen with narcissists is how inferior they perceive you to themselves. If you can relate to a HOW DARE YOU type of anger when you stand up for yourself, that’s really a telltale sign to me.
Arrogant Gaslighters !
It's always someone else's fault!
As s a non-fragile person, it's kind of shocking to see an abuser act damaged, after physically injuring you to the point of disability.
Narc mother in law taught her narc son that he can do whatever he wants to whoever he wants whenever he wants. No one told me this 33 years ago! 😩
Mine called himself Number One Son 🤦♀️ oldest of 6 & the Golden Child of a male cheating narcissist & a codependent mother 🤷♀️ she also made him her spouse so he ended up supporting the family & went to Vietnam for higher pay 🙍♀️ now that he’s over 70 & she’s in her 90’s with a faulty memory he finally shows how much he really hated being a mama’s boy
Agree. This is my ex MIL.
But their mothers teach them how to lie and manipulate , I think and when they get a narcissist injury it sets them off to defend themselves in a narcissist fashion , I think
40 years !!
😂🎉@@caroleminke6116
Dr. Winch was a very good guest, Dr. C. He was very direct and no nonsense.
You pick interesting experts.
Thanks! Next Tuesday is Dr. Ramani.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Ramani has got it when it comes to narc dynamics! And she is an able communicator.
@@SurvivingNarcissismDr. Ramani is one of my absolute favorite people in the world 😍 You and her are my go to people for narcisissm and both of you have made me feel so validated in what I've experienced
Yes, instead of going to my room and crying until I have burst blood vessels in my eyes, I now excuse myself and say I need my alone time to be respected and I squirrel away and watch Dr. C on TH-cam. Dr. C “knits me back together” and he always ends with the word “peace”. That word is a big hug to me and I am strengthened by it 😊
They can't admit they're wr,wr,wr er...not quite right 😳 (Fonz from Happy Days)
Lol😂
@@Teacher369 Heyyyy!!!
😂…..Heyy Amanda ❤ 🫂. Good old Happy Days. What a great show that was growing up!
@@tbunnyshy1 Hee hee 😜 ❣️
Not only they don't accept their own mistakes (known/unknown) that but they will compel you to be the bearer of their mistakes😮many thanks for the insightful discussion Dr. C, Dr. Winch and Everyone🙏🕊🌷💝🤗
Their lies are far too shameful towards humanity....it goes above and beyond humane, its as cruel as it gets
The Double Whammy is that they do not like being wrong/ making errors, yet their way of approach things often induces these exact errors... NB: Then a scapegoat needs to be found - not them ! Even when they were warned beforehand not to make these errors (brushed aside and waved away at that point), and they knowingly + informedly proceeded down the wrong path, in the end it is still someone elses fault, obviously....
So, in a a step by step timeline :
1) You see the problem coming (even if they dont), which is stress inducing for you
2) You try to have a normal factual conversation with them, about avoiding the problems heading your way, which inevitably turns into a Great Argument (They yell, try to make you look ridiculous, or smear if other people are involved etc.), all of which is stress inducing for you
3) You have to deal with lingering resentment that you dared to have the Conversation with them in the first place which even vaguely suggested that there might have been something wrong with their approach, or they overlooked something, or the timing was not realistic, or they are not the experts on everything involved , all of which of course is a Sacriledge that Cannot Be Forgotten. The constant lingering resentment afterwards is stress inducing for you.
4) ... You see the problems playing out in real life (as announced), with things going wrong/ breaking down. This is of course, inevitably very stressing to be in the middle of.
5) Then the narc panics, and needs immediate damage control : Someone has to manage the stress of this situation (their project is not doing good, and people are watching) + needs to technically fix the issue itself. ... Oh, but they cannot do this themselves (they cannot handle the stress + cannot fix the issue) .. So you end up with a stressed narc who yells + insults others to alleviate his own stress + tries you to work overtime in a bad situation under stress to rectify the issue. Again, all of this is stressinducing for you.
6) If this is not going fast enough/ not possible to fix completely, you get an OD of 5) see above
7) ... And even after things get resolved, now a scapegoat needs to be found.... Guess who will have to take the blame ?
UGH
So you end up: Constantly stressed, yelled at, and impossible to get some credit even if you worked double shifts under difficult situations. EVEN IF YOU DID A GOOD JOB
Typical at work: Narcs do not like the Prep stage of projects : You have to figure out technical stuff, work alone (hunched over things to test/ read up on etc + With no chances to have meetings where you can Sit At The Head of the Table ! No Great Things to Communicate about Progress etc. )
They want to skip over this stage, or short circuit it. And then they start a project, unprepared, with parts missing, unrealistic expectations, .... LEt The Games Begin *
That was a chilling account, accurate to a T. Thank you for sharing. Suddenly, I don't feel like I am going insane.
Since I have gone no-contact with my narcissistic dad, it is all on him(his b.s.)!
Whatever they say you did is more likely something they did wrong.
Exactly 💯 %
In their delusional reality, "admission" is a sign of weakness. And bullying/blameshifting you into taking ownership for their wrongdoings = a power dynamic shift for lifetime a supply of future devaluation in any narrative they choose. Taking responsibility of something they did wrong is the holy grail of supply.
When in the presence of a NPD person, admission *is* not just a sign of weakness but an actual weakness.
Why do you think the first thing a lawyer will tell you is don’t talk?
I am no-contact with my narc dad to prevent stress!