Trump Jury Selection Woes | Presidential Hot Dog Eating Contest | Drunk Vultures Rescued
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 เม.ย. 2024
- The judge in Trump’s hush money trial is finding it hard to keep personal information about jurors from leaking out, a new poll shows President Biden trailing his rival by double digits in a hot dog eating contest, and workers at a Connecticut bird sanctuary rescued two vultures who got intoxicated after dumpster diving.
#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015. - บันเทิง
Being a juror in this case would be cool but it would also be pretty scary too. I hope all the jurors are kept safe and protected and I hope anyone who tries to intimidate them is arrested.
I would not be intimidated by trump if I were on the jury. However, I would never be chosen, because I could not be impartial.
I wouldn’t be afraid of Trump but some of his supporters are not all mentally stable.
I'm still worried about the fact that this is a Jury trial. What do you think the chances are that he has already paid-off and threatened the jury members. What are the chances that not even one of these jurors is fox "news" fan.
I wouldn’t want to sit on the jury. As a Pawnee. I don’t trust any politician. We have 532 worth of historical proof.
I know a lot of natives that have no idea who Trummkopf is. Because they’re not on the grid.
There are also homesteaders, “mountain men”. Hermits, etc. Who have no idea what the media said about Trummkopf. Untainted juror prospects.
@@Pixie449 What do you mean ONLY some ? Mentally unstable is a cult qualification !
These jurors' identities need to be protected at all costs. Even letting out descriptions of their interests and looks should not be allowed.
Juror #1 -> A person
Juror #2 -> A person
Thats all the public needs to know
Yeah these people are helping Trump big time honestly
I expected that type of behavior from NY Post, or Fox News. But NYT is choosing profit over the safety of those jurors.
Shame on the NYT for reporting ANYTHING about the jurours in this case!
Agreed. Why must we know anything about them?
They didn't volunteer to have their lives/identities exposed in any way by performing their civic duty.
There were a BUNCH of media outlets who let details out.
@@AC3handle That's because it's "media" now, not responsible journalism...
I agree! Interests like that should absolutely be off limits! Now those are reported, people in those circles will have it on their mind & if movements of someone in one of their clubs changes, the more extreme are likely to think they're on the jury & follow them on a weekday morning to confirm it! Actually very easy for someone who knows them to some extent to identify from that info! & the hobbies listed are ones mostly done by right leaning people. Really, really dumb info to release!
100% It was very sleazy. I doubt they'll stop. They love making money too much.
Protect the jurors and witnesses!!
I always enjoy that he puts his imaginary props away. Leaves less for the crew to clean up.
Yes, a thoughtful and funny boss
They once did a little web short on where the imaginary props are stored backstage. Would love to see it again.
I miss Jon Baptiste's little piano accentuations when Stephen puts away the imaginary props
We all know where they go, but the biggest question is: Where do they come from?
It's subtle and hilarious
You, Mr. Colbert, are a much needed breath of truth. Thank you for your continuing service.
He's been doing great this year!
I'm still worried about the fact that this is a Jury trial. What do you think the chances are that he has already paid-off and threatened the jury members. What are the chances that not even one of these jurors is fox "news" fan.
He lied though it was not a vulture driving, it is a turkey!!!
Stephen is great (but don't leave out the writers; they are great)
He always was also at Epstein’s island
That Lindsey Graham burn was one of the best I've heard about him. I liked the fact his name came at the end so it caught me off guard !
It would be really funny if Stephen Colbert was summoned for jury duty for the Trump trial. Talk about Awwwwwkward moment in the court when Colbert walks in. Or the funniness of the judge asking him if he can be impartial.
"No I can't your honor. But this would give me years worth of material for my show. For the sake of the laughs, let me sit as a juror!"
He would be immediately impeached by the defense lawyers.
@@cat-.-😂
I think he could stay impartial. Ironically, enough.
Yeah, nobody cares about this trial but far left wingers...and the deep state that's terrified of Trump's second term.
9:33 That’s not a vulture driving, that’s definitely a turkey.
Yep, that's Tom.
I haven't seen an insult so unfairly directed at birds in a long time. That is a TURKEY sir!
I mean, UBird has a reputation to uphold! They wouldn’t let their drivers be vultures!!
would be hilarious if they release a correction on this
Definitely Tom, yes.
That Lindsey Graham joke was savage!
Savage, yes, but Lindsey had it coming.
And accurate.
Ms Lindsey would sit ,stay, and shake on that one!
So is Lindsay Graham ( MAGA savage ).😝
Lynsey will definitely roll over 😂
Correction Stephen: 9:27 - 9:36 The driver is a turkey. I'm no ornithologist, but I'm not a bird-brain either. It's pretty obvious. Take a gander again.
And I'm not suggesting you steal geese.
If you want to see giant pumpkins being rowed, just come to Oregon in October. We have had the West Coast Giant Pumpkin Regatta here for more than 20 years.
That sounds far too exciting for me
Oregon isn't in my plans for this year, but maybe some other time! How hard is it to become a participant? When Pittsburgh had these races, there was a lottery to get in.
This feels like the first, *_real_* step toward holding defendant trump accountable.
And may *_real_* accountability finally happen.
In the not too distant future, please.
Based on nothing
Next Sunday, AD?
@@ff-cq5hh Unlike the "nothing" based on your feelings of the stolen election or the "nothing" to impeach Biden. Lie more, Its all you got.
@@ff-cq5hh You kiss your mother with those morals?
I'll believe it when I see it.
Jury needs protection as in any crime family prosecution.
please write "mob" when you mean it!
Yes
@@chenzen1578 ?
@@kingace6186 chenzen is right.
He is always right.
He hires the best people.
3:16 This is comedic gold, thank you, Stephen. Greetings from Poland 🇵🇱
🤣
I am so relieved that Poland has a better government now, but it seems very difficult for the Tusk's government to fix the democratic backsliding that the previous PiS government commited. And not only because Duda, the current president, is from PiS. Some changes are very difficult to reverse. One more reason to hope that Trump will loose the election, because the damage PiS made, it made only to Poland (and to a lesser extend to EU). Whereas the damage Trump made and can made in the future is damage not only to US, but to the entire world. And not everything is posible to reverse, for example the cancelation of the Iran deal is disasterous to this day.
I had a plum tree that squirrels would get drunk eating every late fall season. Great shows watching them.
Birds getting drunk on fermented berries happens more often than you’d think
So do most mammals
Yes. It's pretty common.
Yeah, me too.😅😅😂😂
How would you know what I think?
Also, Horses get drunk on ripe apples
Colbert, we have to rely on you to give us the truth about this disaster. Thank you!!!! You’re doing a service to this country like no other!!!
Aw, come on - I'm sure the man made it out of his pumpkin and back to shore eventually.
And if maga takes over the presidency , I'm afraid he will fall off a tall building.
Lol!
@@TheUberjammer
Stormy Daniel's is a tough, well-spoken lady. She's going to make Trump's lawyers look like fools, even though she's a witness.
How would my sanity ever survive all this in-sanity, sans Stephen Colbert?!!?
You don't realize that it's Colbert and his ilk making you crazy in the first place. Nobody cares about this trial but far left wing extremists and the deep state.
They're absolutely needs to be a gag order on releasing any info about any of the jurors. And Jesse Watters needs to be charged with jury tampering
He only reported publicly available information. Your beef is with the court which released the information.
Trump added onto that watters “quote” That wasn’t a verbatim statement. Watters should definitely be charged with jury tampering and intimidation. Trump violated the gag order. AGAIN. In my view, it seems Watters was attempting to send a message to Maga, to lie to get on the jury? The DA is the party in the case who removed a juror after discovering he had been arrested in the 90s for tearing up a political poster.
I agree. Watters attempted to intimidate jurors and it worked. 🤬 Dump actually added onto Watters statement. It wasn’t a exact quote so dump violated the gag order AGAIN. His attorney lied to the judge claiming it was a repost. It wasn’t verbatim even though he put it in quotes.
@@cufflink9558 He is that self- satisfied smirking Fox News jackass. He used to work for Bill O’Reilly before Bill O’Reilly was let go for the sex stuff.
Jury tampering, being an a33hole and pretending to have a mother. 🤯
The writing in this episode was different than normal and i really enjoyed it. The humor was more witty and obscure. Shout out to the team who created this monologue. Stay weird! ❤
…. And stay wired too 😉
I have raced in a giant pumpkin before! It's AWESOME!!!
Alas, the annual Pittsburgh Giant Pumpkin Festival no longer includes a "boating" event. But it was EPIC during the few years that they included it.
FYI: @cindersuzie says "Come to Oregon in October where they have the West Coast Giant Pumpkin Regatta every year tor the last 20 years"! It's in the comment section after your own comment. Thought you might like to know!
Finding your fun where we can indeed, thanks Stephen 💜💕💜💕
It's somewhat reassuring that Donnie isn't getting much of a crowd outside the court... that would bode well for the future...
It is, isn't it 🤞
I was thinking the same thing. Glad I'm not the only one.
Let's hope it isn't deliberate to lull us into a false sense of security...
it is in Manhattan… not many Trumpers there….
I'm still worried about the fact that this is a Jury trial. What do you think the chances are that he has already paid-off and threatened the jury members. What are the chances that not even one of these jurors is a fox "news" fan.
Former President Act………WHY WHY is he allowed to meet with leaders of other countries?
Democracy. Freedom. You know, those things Republicans hate and we're trying to save. At least some of us, I hope to hell that in November more want Democracy.
Violation of the Logan Act.
I vaguely recall ... (looks it up). The Logan Act criminalizes unauthorized citizens negotiating with foreign countries that are having a dispute with the U.S. I guess we are not having a dispute with any of them. I remember this law because it came up when Jesse Jackson was running for president in 1984. Syria had shot down and captured an American pilot. It may have been technically illegal for him to negotiate the man's release, and other foreign visits, but he was successful, and no action was taken against him.
I mean, anyone is allowed to meet with anyone else - you could meet with them too of you could convince them to show up
Leaders can meet with whoever they want! Poland should be ashamed for meeting with Trump!!! Maybe he wants funding for Ukraine! Getting him to talk to his cult!
I think Colbert broke the record for most traditional folk songs sung in an opening monologue
Never fight uphill, me boys 😂😂😂
Hat's off to the comedy writers.....this was stellar peak perfection!!!! Loved every minute of this....🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I feel the opposite. The writers are trash. I watch this show daily and Kimmel as well. Kimmel has the better writers by far.
👍🏿
@@brandonwomack7379I cant stand any other late night show host. Stephen Colberts writer were on fire - I laughed out loud
@fuchurZero OK that's fine. 1 thing I know colbert doesn't have is real in time feuds. Mike Lindell and Donald vs Kimmel is the best TV of my lifetime.
One of the missions my Grandfather had with the Australian army in New Guinea during WWII was to make friendly contact with the head hunting cannibal tribes and, believe it or not, convince them that Japanese soldiers tasted better than the Americans and Australians. Yes, he was actually successful at this, so hearing that old Joe's uncle was turned into a tasty local dish isn't far fetched at all.
My great-uncle emigrated from Czechoslovakia to Australia in 1948 and served some time as a doctor at Papua New Guinea. There were definitelly cannibals back then. He wasn't eaten, but some native people wanted him to marry one very young teenage girl of theirs. He did not want to marry a child, but he had to decline the offer very carefully not to make them offended. It was a very delicate situation, because the locals considered them being engaged due to some gestures he accidentally had made while in a car with that child.
Yeah it felt like an executive producer stepped in to be like, we gotta throw a Biden joke in there to appear even-keel, but Biden's explanation seemed perfectly reasonable about what could have happened.
The jurors' personal information must be kept secret and the defendant must be jailed for every contempt charge like any citizen.
LMBO! "There's a vulture driving it too" with a pic of what is clearly a turkey! Come on, gotta call him out on that one.
Place your bets, how toxic is this trial gonna get before it’s over
All of the available toxic ?
Chernobyl has entered the chat.
Do we quantify that in the number of death threats?
Probably around Ricin level, maybe Anthrax.
We'll need new words for it
He should be on trial for treason!!!! The whole country is in jeopardy because of him! So freaking sick of him receiving special treatment
Read the definition of treason DUH
@@silentmajority8365”The crime of betraying one’s country, especially by attempting to kill the sovereign or overthrow the government.”
this is just one of many trials...
@@silentmajority8365 Read the definitions of "critical thinking and deductive reasoning". 🤨
@@silentmajority8365 looks like YOU need to read it
The coolest "person" in Australia, is Bandit, Bluey's dad.
9:32 Vultures can't drive. That's a turkey driving the UBIRD.
As an Australian. Please, NY judicial system save the world from Trump. This man is so stupid and so so so dangerous. See, I can repeat a word 3 time's too.
As a fellow Australian, I’m horrified America is imploding
Aussie here, i am terrified as well.
Dane here. And I share your view.
@@krysmorrison3896 Worry about your tiny drunken population
@@wholefoodplantbasedmama5398 Terrified of what? What did he do in his former term that made you cry?
None of the current wars were going on during Trump
How is Trump not running afoul of the Logan Act when he meets with these various foreign leaders?
If their governments are not considered "hostile" to the United States, no. After that, there's endless room for quibbling about whether whatever they said constituted negotiation.
I agree. Trump is acting as a shadow president, telling the House exactly what actions he wants them to do, from impeaching the present president under trumped up charges/insinuations, to not voting on border security for his campaign, or for foreign aid to Ukraine, to aid his master Putin.
I do not like Trump, but Obama meets with other world leaders on the regular.
what you think congress is suddenly get its head out of its ass and hold dur fuhrer accountable?
He's probably not, but it also doesn't matter. He's either getting elected, or going down. A few more crimes here or there doesn't even matter.
Stephen is a treat, every night, and delivers a dose of humor to the news we all really need, in these troubled political times…!
You and your writers are having a heyday with this election & trial! Good on ya!!!
Trump’s response to the sleeping allegations: “Fake Snooze!”
That was Jimmy Kimmel last night. You're so good maybe you should write comedy for him.
@@tootz1950 Trump is DOZO !
Orange face & white hands !
@@tootz1950 Are you sure that was on Kimmel last night? I watched it and didn’t hear that.
@@CaptainCologne Ebenezer Snooze
😂🤣
I think this monologue was custom-written for pun-loving music teachers with every old ditty ever written rattling around in their heads.
I am one of those teachers.
Duda indeed.
😁
Absolutely.
All the Duda day!
Wow - Stephen’s monologue was a musical tonight! Started off with ‘Take Me Out to the Ball Game” then “99 Bottles of Beer”. When he got to “Camptown Ladies” he had 8 minutes left, so I was chanting “one more, one more!”
My partner just laughed at me, but we high fived when Stephen threw in “Drunken Sailor” for the finish. That was fun! 😂
SUCH GOOD JOKES today
"Unlimited strikes against jurors" would mean that Trump could postpone the trial forever ...🙄
But he'd have to sit there in perpetuity. Which would be almost as good as prison.
Yeah, like everything else, he didn't really think that idea through.
He actually can kick unlimited jurors. He just needs proof that they shouldn’t be on the jury. He can only dismiss 10 jurors just because of his gut feeling.
Siberian gulag
Gutmo Wardens apartment
which is exactly his goal: postpone until it's only people who will support him.
"All the doo daa day?" How did he keep a straight face? 🤣🤣🤣
I loved all the singing in this monologue! AWESOME!
Thank you jurrors for your service
That poll makes me mad & sad. When did this become such an unserious country?
I don't have any evidence for this, but my gut says these things are concocted specifically to support trump.
thanks for that thought.
This election does not only determine who's gonna be the next POTUS, but also if he is going to support Ukraine, Israel, Women's (reproductive) rights, controlled immigration, fighting climate change instead of ignoring it, separation of church and state and above all DEMOCRACY.
And they made a poll about hot dogs and diapers.
Sadly, no laws against idiocy.
Since Republicans. Every lunatic is embraced by them for their votes. They can’t win with their policies.
It became unserious: 2020 pandemic and the country never fully recovered from #45
Since Trump is a New Yorker I am glad you guys are the first ones kicking his butt.
even back in 2016, Trump lost NY, NJ & New England by a landslide, because they already knew him. 😎
Well, T****'s got a pretty big butt - it's going to take all 9 million New Yorkers to kick it properly. Hey, would somebody please give an extra kick on my behalf?
I’m embarrassed, actually. If we hadn’t let him get away with so much crap for decades we would have saved the country a lot of grief. I guess we didn’t take him seriously here for so long that it never occurred to us the rest of the country didn’t know him like we did. We’re so sorry 😞
@@maargenbx1454 I think "we" tried, but who listens to the northeast, really? 🤔
Trump, like all good conmen, was new, shiny and showy.
@@maargenbx1454 I'm from the Midwest. I knew he was a walking sphincter when the Ivana divorce hit the national press. In fact, when he announced he was running, that was my first thought: If he would shaft his own wife, he would shaft the country. Those who cannot be trusted in small things have no business with a big thing like the Presidency!
Louis Cato! What a doll. I love his laugh.
Just so you know…Re: headhunters/cannibals in New Guinea.
My dad, my uncle Joe, and my uncle Benny were all stationed in the South Pacific during World War II and all were pilots.
Uncle Benny told us about flying missions around New Guinea. There were Japanese soldiers in one section, another part was controlled by Americans, BUT! There was another part that was uncleared Jungle where headhuntertribes lived. Pilots needed to stay out of that area- or you might become dinner.
It's so funny how he's actually so dumb that he thinks he can insist the JUDGE recuse himself because the JUDGE is too close to the case hes JUDGING.
lmaoooo. He's like, 5. Mentally.
His too stupidly, stupid.
"I attacked and threatened his daughter and encourage my followers to do the same, so he is no longer impartial" - like how does that work as a defense??
yes. Trump is really stupid, immature and uneducated... but so many people seem to be even worse -.- sometimes it's quite hard to bear...
I've seen sovereign citizens try a similar tactic. "I filed a suit against you (the judge) for a claim that you don't have jurisdiction to try me. Since I filed that case, it would be a conflict of interest for you, so you have to recuse yourself".
He's never made it out of the Terrible Twos!
"Just like bankruptcies I should have unlimited strikes!"
- Trump
😂
Stephen, you are hilarious, as always. I laugh aloud during your monologue all the time and we all need humor nowadays, don’t we? Your writers are great and your delivery is sublime. Your show is always a highlight of the day. Keep up the wonderful work…
Thanks Stephen & LSSC for always being here for us.
A friend of mine used to be a teacher in Papua New Guinea & said that you wouldn't want to be walking outside of the town during the evening and that the natives were only one generation away from headhunting & eating people. He was there 30 years ago, so Biden's story from WW2 is certainly possible.
I read a book about the cannibals in papau new guinea during WW2. At least one plane was forced to land there. I can't remember the name of the book.
It's very possible. Michael Rockefeller (son of Nelson) was in New Guinea as an anthropologist and he disappeared in 1961, presumed drowned. No remains were ever found but some who know the Asmat people who live there confirmed they were cannibals and headhunters.
Biden's story isn't ridiculous, it could have happened and that's what he said. He didn't say it DID happen, just that it was a possibility since he was never found.
I lived in PNG in 1976-1977. Cannibalism was only practised by a certain tribe in the highlands back then. Can't remember the name of the tribe. Started with a K.
Apparently there is still cannibalism happening there. But on a small scale compared to WW2 times
Yes, but it is a bit unseemly to tell that story, imo. Otoh, since the populace seems to enjoy the unseemly so much, it may be a genius move.
Definitely possible. There were reports of American GI's doing the same when they were starving.
As a Pole I really appreciate the Duda joke 😂 we have a website in Poland that counts down for him to finally retire 🎉
Waiting for him to retire, doo-dah, doo-dah
From Hush Money TO INSURRECTION !
THE JURY SHOULD
GET BODY GUARDS! 😑
I feel so bad and so embarassed that the president of my country kissed a ring in a Trump tower saying Poles love Trump. 🙈 This is total BS. We do not. As we don't love or respect Duda, too.
NOBODY in Europe loves Trump. And Kaczynski's puppet _biro_ Duda's a&& will hopefully be kicked out next year.
Greetings from 🇳🇱
Don't worry we still love Poland 🇵🇱 best wishes from Democrats here in the USA but specifically here in BLUE 💙 ARIZONA 🌵!!! 🤠🫵🏼🌵🐎🇺🇸💙🇵🇱
Well, MAGA and PiS are equivalent fascist parties for morons, so it makes sense.
I think that most of my fellow onlookers from abroad will agree that the goings-on in USA as of these last several years, has been not merely like a sick reality show, but more like a downright surreality show.
A very exhausting one at that.
Please, just put that trump away already.
We know it won't be completely over when (no "if" allowed here!) that happens. But with the main-culprit and his co-conspirators & enablers securely locked away (and SHUT up!), your country will at least have a much needed chance to heal some.
And it WILL be an enormous relief for us all.
I just want to point out, that of course I know that most of my fellow World citizens inside of USA's borders, feel similarly about these bizarre & surreal goings-on, with the added stress, naturally, of living there.
And I think many of you have been surprised by how... I'm gonna stick with the word 'personal' (for a variety of reasons, one being that trump essentially is an existential threat), so many of us outside of your borders are taking it.
We feel you
Thank you!
Likewise from Ireland 🇮🇪.
If you think it’s exhausting for you guys, think about how exhausting it is for us here living through it 😣
Not at all surprised.
Just horribly and sickeningly
mortified by him and his followers.
Apologies to all.
9:33 THAT is a turkey driving my friend! And they are known to be VERY capable drivers!
Right on Colber! Live you❤🎉!
The doo-da jokes were absolutely hilarious! Thank you sir for the good laugh
Duda went to the States with bipartisan support in Poland to lobby for Ukraine aid and to maintain good relations with a person who will potentially soon hold our country's fate in his hands in the face of war. Thanks for reducing it to absurdity and being condescending and irreverent about it, as Americans always were towards Poland. Some allies you are.
From someone else’s post, “it’s up to you New York, New York” 🤪 but seriously, WTF, newspapers, etc, should be writing 0 about jurors 🙄😤🤬
That was a Tom turkey driving the UBird. You can see the tail feathers splayed out, and he has that red thing that hangs over his beak.
Wasn't the Ubird driven by a turkey? The vulture's gonna eat it up!
Turkey Vulture
I did not see the "all the doo da day" coming, and laughed way too hard.
I saw the potential as soon as he pronounced the guy’s name, but wasn’t sure they would dare to go there. My question: is Yankee Doodle still widely known among younger generations, or was this a joke for those of us of A Certain Age?
Here in Nova Scotia Canada, we have a giant pumpkin contest every fall, and part of that festival is a pumpkin boat race
We have a similar one in Maine too!
Never heard of it, but such a fabulous idea! I was struck by the clarity of the water in that clip. Beautiful!
I am surprised that my pillow guy didn't make a fancy pillow for trump so he could be cozy.
Speaking of hot dog eating contest. Mike Johnson was
the latest Republican to visit
Trump in Florida.
An unrestricted free press is necessary to a free society. That said, the press needs to learn the boundary between what is news and what irresponsible endangerment.
They know and they're going for endangerment.
Fox has been on the side of endangerment since inception.
There used to be serious professional standards in journalism. This was before morons and crockpots tuned into podcasts which only tell them what they want to hear in order to get money and ratings.
@@itsROMPERS... If a juror or their family member ends up harmed as a result, their response will be "c'est la guerre," thoughts and prayers, and what can we broadcast and exploit about the alternate juror?
@@MrHaighahatta it's truly frightening. They didn't care who they sacrifice in their no holds barred campaign to install a fascist dictator of America.
Support democracies support Ukraine
You mean: "Democracies support Ukraine" as statement? Because it shows where Reputincans stand!
down with Putin, Trump, MBS, Xi... too many to list.. -.-
🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 Slava Ukrainii
@@frozenrose84 yes! Down with poootin, tRumpo mosscow marj GanGreene, And all Fascist Leaders!
Juriors should Sue Fox News (FIX News) for outing them.
you are brilliant and humane. so rare. thank you !
I remember way back when the idea of Donnie in a criminal courtroom was a desperate, but waning hope....
It's been a good week.
we're all doomed, because he will just fundraise off his felonies.
We're getting closer to " it's good to be alive " days again.
Make America Good Again
It reminds of what Gandalf says "there never was much of a hope , only a fools hope..
That is the reason I don't want him jailed. If the judge were to *Lock Him Up* he would fundraise millions more. He knows that and has told his CULT that he is going to prison for them & they are stupid enough to believe him.
@@marianne1156 When were those? I only remember the "Well... I'm not dead..." days.
"The city that never sleeps, unless you're Donald Trump in a courtroom!"😂
The city that makes your dreams come true
I literally just hear that part! Crazy Coincidence!!!
@@jannetteberends8730 Oh, dear god... I usually have nightmares!
BEST comment 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This actually implied that Donald Trump sleeps. Joke didn't land but he tried.
One of the best monologues ever!!
9:36 Tsk tsk! That's not a vulture driving that car! Never thought Stephen woul fail to identify Wild Turkey.
Private citizens-- of whom the former President now is-- cannot so much as seem to conduct foreign policy. So, I say, there is due cause to suspect the former President of violating this rule, in light of the former President meeting with a sitting president of another country.
He should have been in prison many years ago.
The Drunken Vulture... I think I found the name to the inn in my new D&D campaign.
That Lindsay Graham joke was so brilliant (and accurate). 😂😂
The bit about the vultures reminded me of a story I read years ago about 911 operators in a city in West Virginia taking calls from people being attacked by racoons and the people were worried they might be rabid. After some investigation by animal control and the local police it was found that the racoons in question weren't rabid but had been eating fermented fruit from a nearby crabapple tree. Turns out racoons are mean drunks!
9:24 Mr Colbert, that is not a vulture behind the wheel, that's a turkey.
They are commonly known to be excellent chauffeurs, so no reason to panic.
This gave me a good laugh. 👍
@ 9:25 -
THAT'S A TURKEY DRIVING, NOT A VULTRE.
C'MON MY GUY!
yeah, a turkey driving an uber, makes sense
oh it goes deeper than that, the wing the vulture is using to hail the turkey-operated taxi cab is indeed a turkey wing rather than a vulture wing haha
Corrections is a seth meyer(s) thing.
@@garymacy1723 😂😆🤣
I am impressed about him knowing 'Squirtle'!!
Thanks for the 😂 makes this whole mess we find ourselves in manageable
For a guy that gets away with everything and is seemingly immune to going to jail, of course he would think there are unlimited strikes.
"When your rich and famous, they let you do it"
- Giant Pumpkin.
That's so dumb. If you have unlimited strikes that means you could just say you are using 1 million strikes and the case would be over.
... his silver 🥄 can't be seen anymore it is fully rammed up Cheetolini's 🍑 🤷🏻♂️💙🇺🇸💙🇺🇸💙🇺🇸
@@chenzen1578 that's exactly what it is
Because he's an idiot?
Maybe Trump got his famous quote from the Irish juror " don't fight up hill me boys"
His picture book is so precious 💞
Threatening officials, lawyers and jurors in a criminal trial makes them accomplices if the suspect is guilty. If the suspect is innocent they have nothing to worry about. strange
Kudos to whomever wrote the monologue tonight. My box score has you fairly behind a couple of the others of late but tonight, Mr. Colbert, you were the winner! Congratulations and more importantly, thank you.
New Guinea story would be true - my uncle was up in the highlands in 1946 clearing airfields and he told me about the tribes. They didn't do it for food - it was about totally vanquishing their enemies.
"my uncle was up in the highlands in 1946"
Ask him if he saw it himself. No, but he knows someone who did right?
I think investigations into claims like this turn out to be stories about cannibals from their enemies rather than truthful accounts of the people.
@@Blackmark52 Were you there too? Do a bit of checking - it was documented as occurring up till the 1960s and done for many reasons including not wanting deceased loved ones to be eaten by worms.
@@mickk7489 "it was documented"
Where? Bigfoot has been documented. I could point you to all sorts of documentaries that I don't believe. I remain skeptical until I see the credentials of those making the claims.
The cannibalistic tribe in New Guinea is documented to eat the remains of their loved ones as a way to keep them with them. So yes, they are people, but I don't think it was really outsiders.
@@bast713 "as a way to keep them with them"
Hasn't that been debunked?
SC - you are the BEST. Give ur crew a raise.
Saw a previous video of Trump dancing on stage, fists and buttocks clenched, now knowing of his uncontrollable incontentence, his dance moves make perfect sense!!
Fun fact: Guinea pigs are named for a region in the Andes; not Papua New Guinea, or any other country with Guinea in its name
Guinea pigs are from South America, but there is no region called Guinea in South America. They were called Guinea pigs to make them sound exotic.
Okay, now I'm confused again. WHERE do I go to get some guinea pig?@@docjoe86
They are called pigs for the squieking sounds they made, but they are rodent's.
Maybe yno one cares, but now you know.
Knowing that guinea pigs are from South America is why that joke was funny, for me. It was a complete non sequitur.
9:16 "Ubird"
Ow my sides. I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything! LMAO!!!
He didn't say his uncle got devoured by cannibals. Only that there were cannibals living there.
This was a good set. Go Stephen!