When a lady betrays the bargain she made with a man, her value to him will plummet no matter how she looks. These are the ones that you could care less losing them and all you are concerned with is the wasted investments and the damage done. It's 'who they are' and not 'how they look'.
Married for 23 years. 90% of our marriage has been amazing. However, in my early 30’s, I had a dream job surrounded by beautiful women in the fashion industry. I experienced the kind of women who go after the “taken” men. I dodged a few bullets. These women were relentless. They couldn’t care less about my wife, my kids and my well being. The best thing I did was tell my wife. Long story long, I got out of that side of the industry. I stayed true. However, I don’t think I would have made it without our strong foundation. We’ve always, still do, work on each other. Never take that for granted-male or female. You both have responsibilities. Even if it becomes routine, just remember you’re building up for the tough times.
Been there. One fine detail that says a lot. These women would usually not be interested UNLESS you're engaged. At least that was my experience. Extremely infuriating to think about.
@@nnuae I’m an outgoing + positive guy. However, I NEVER approached them in anyway…never. I was young, decent looking and director at a young age. You don’t think women look for that? 🤔
Years ago, after my divorce, I would sometimes wear a wedding band if I wasn't feeling approachable. I was told by multiple people that could attract some women. Well that makes it easy! I have no interest in a woman who would approach a man while wearing a wedding band. Contrast that to the woman I married last year. On the second date, she straight up asked me if there was anyone who would be upset or hurt if she and I were having dinner. Atta girl!
A women who flaunts the males competing for her is saying to the world: "I will rent my body to the highest bidder. And if someone later bids higher than you, I'm going with him instead of you." No serious man will agree to a deal like that.
It’s weird to me that a woman would think a relationship founded on a romantic connection would persist into a platonic one. I think some guys stick around in the hopes of rekindling the romantic part, but all they’re doing is enabling her to take advantage of them.
Sadly enough, that response is what would make those same women more attracted to you. But if that's what you need to do for the woman to be attracted to you, that's going to be a toxic relationship that you don't want any part of lol
See this is women trying to be men, women are always attracted to men that other women want , but men don't want women that are entertaining other guys .
You hit the nail on the head!! Men appreciate beauty, sure, but we greatly prize and value peace and quiet. We'll take the 5 (in looks) with a 10 personality ANY DAY over the 10 with a 5 personality.
Speak for yourself chief. Not all guys are looking for anything long term. Not to mention Im 45 and I never met a woman with a good personality. Ive met women who pretend to have a good personality to get a guy but that doesnt last.
The 10's are usually horrible ,superficial people. There's reasons roses have thorns,nice to look at,painful to pick. The two tens I've been with are horrible people. Fun to fk, horrible to be around. Married a 7, blissful!
why there are prickles on a love flower, I'll never understand. Just be careful when you hand them out. I love girls to a certain point, then I may turn judgemental rather than humble.@@clarencemcglynn114
You forgot #4: Taking dating/relationship advice from their bitter, single friends who have never had a successful relationship in their lives and who think that stacking up the bodies is the same thing.
"body count" is generally one of the most diminishing phrases for a person (or rather group of persons) soooo... if you only want to have relationships with people, that want to be diminished by you: tell them your "body count" and just ask them directly, if they want to be your "plus one" 😜
Agreed. If she's not focused on 'me', she's just not sufficiently worth my time (best of luck other men). I won't waste time with a lady rolling like that (she's wasting my time I could be redirecting toward a better prospect).
Great analogy. We want a woman that loves us. We are happy to work all day for our families. We have no desire to feel like we are working for our spouse or girlfriend.
#1 is madness. A Chad or Tyrone won't bother with women who want to play that popularity game as they have loads of optioms, and less popular and less confident men will be likely discouraged that the woman they're with is thinking about other men.
In high school, a girl I liked dated my friend. She was fair game, as I never told my friend I liked her. And with her dating my friend, I basically wrote her off. Two years later in our senior year, after they broke up, she told me she started dating my friend because she wanted to make me jealous enough to ask her out. I'm not sure why she thought I'd screw over my friend like that, by basically stealing his girl. Nor is jealousy a good foundation for a relationship. But turns out we both liked each other and her playing games screwed us both out of dating each other. Maybe I dodged a bullet, or maybe she would have grown out of those games. Not sure. But after she told me that's why she started dating my friend, I ignored her entirely.
Emily, you are completely right about looks having a limited effect on men when it comes to long term relationships. It is for a very simple reason: A man will only marry a woman if she is the answer to the question “Is this the woman I want to share my ENTIRE life with, the woman I want live with in my home?”. It takes a LOT of personality compatibility for the answer to be “yes”.
Emily, the only thing I'd add is the reason men don't want to be part of a competition for the woman we are interested in is because almost every other aspect of a man's life is already a competition. When searching for a partner we need the peace of not having to compete, of feeling desired for just for being us and knowledge that our relationship will be the harbinger of that peace not the disrupter of that peace.
In fact, that’s the main gain I expected from a relationship, to come home to a peaceful haven after fighting through the day. But I used to get the opposite instead.
Yes. A girl may start to sabotage the relationship when she feels attracted by the other "options". Then you will have to compete at home and proof you are the best every day. Men just want to arrive at home and rest. Job's competition is enough for us.
Came to the comments to say the exact same thing. Everything for the male experience is a competition, even if the only person we're competing against is ourselves. Competing for a girl's attention is just another stresser I don't want to deal with.
This is true. Especially the one about making dating a competition. For example, when a woman ghosted me after I suggested we change our next date activity to something else, and then contacted me a month later asking for a date, I left her on read, ghosting her. Because it's behavior like that, which tells me all I need to know about what a committed relationship with that woman will look like later. That's not the kind of relationship that a self respecting man would sign up for.
@@kristoferprovencal3608- I read that as dating. Loyalty only comes after commitment when dating is effectively over. At that point man is committed and no longer rates the woman. She is his girlfriend, spouse or partner - period! Other women do not exist. At that point I agree with you - without loyalty she goes from that special someone to nobody.
@@finngamesknudson1457For me dating starts when you start talking to someone beyond a first date, if you like someone enough to give them a second date then you should take that seriously and shouldn't be thinking about additional prospects. When you always have a backup you'll never be willing to fully commit. That doesn't mean going on a second date with someone means your head over heels and ready to marry them, but it does mean giving them the exclusive chance to convince you to, and I think this should go for men and women. If I'm taking a girl seriously it means I'm not talking to any other girls, and I expect the same or it's a dealbreaker. Once upon a time this was how it normally worked, and dating has gone downhill ever since.
Loyalty being the big one. Loyal adds at least 3 points for me. Ill deal with someone whos a pain in the ass if shes loyal and i know beyond a shadow of a doubt she can be trusted. Such a rare quality nowadays with women.
You are 100% correct about personality. I fancy a wide range of women in the looks department - but a very narrow window in the personality department. Mind games and attempting to pit me in competition against other men is an immediate deal-breaker. Any hint of militant feminism - instant deal-breaker. Any hint that a relationship is directly associated with how much money I have - instant deal breaker. Any hint of neuroticism - instant deal-breaker. No man needs the messing about and aggravation that such women bring to the party.
I recall a woman inviting me out for drinks.... ....I found myself in a group....3 females 12 males clearly on a pub crawl. I laughed,stayed for a drink and a chat,but left after about an hour. The reason I left is simple. It was clear that these girls all wanted the same guy in the group....the chad. I had no intention of buying the girls drinks all night when I was a teenager,I certainly wasnt going to subsidise chad. Perfectly secure in myself.Simply said I had to be up early the next day to go kayaking. Told them where....and to bring suitable clothing if they wanted to try the sport. Naturally,none of the girls were athletic except the one who invited me,who seemed surprised that I wouldnt compete for her attention. Nah. Better to let her chase you whilst you just do your own thing.
Ive had women tell me they have options. I told her ok go ahead and be with them. Then she said well i want to be with you only. I stopped talking to her. She ended up getting married, having another kid, and she still called me 5 years later telling me she was in love with me. I only knew her 3 weeks. Crazy.
Sometimes women are just being honest that other men are after them. A woman can totally want just one man and have to fight off other men. Truth is all decent looking women have multiple men chasing them! Would you rather have a woman tell you or lie and hide it. I have a boyfriend and I tell him when men are hitting on me because it makes me uncomfortable when men don’t take the hint that I’m taken. Some women just want to be completely honest. You men don’t understand how annoying it is to have total pervert and creeps stalking you. I’ve dealt with sexual harassment at jobs and because of it I now work alone night shift for 5 years. Then us women get blamed when we weren’t even flirting with other men! I am a musician and I had a guy that does sound stalking me, at first I thought he was a friend because he claimed to have tons of female friends, he knew I had a boyfriend but started stalking me, calling, texting, emailing non stop, I politely told him I just want friendship and he didn’t take the hint so I had to block him on multiple accounts. A lot of men don’t care if a woman is taken and they will stalk so also for safety reasons women should tell the man they want or are with that this is happening.
This. Women love to see men fight over them. Anyone that would deliberately put you in a position where you have to fight, either with a competitor, or she shoots her mouth off and expects you to fight her battle for her, is an instant NO.
That’s what I’m thinking. Because if I barely know some girl, I’m not going to have a desire to fight my lifelong friend if she wants him instead of me. If it’s some stranger she’s interested in, I’m really not down brawling over her. Now, if I love her, and we’re together, and she wants someone else, even in that situation, I love her and would want her to be happy. I’ll eventually find someone else
Before i hit the gym to improve my physicality, i spent almost a year improving my mental and emotional state. It works a lot better than just hitting the gym
The best relationship I ever had was with a Lady who was, at best, average looking. She was however intelligent, well spoken, a hard working self sufficient person with her own goals and desires. Our time together was split between great sex, even better conversation and a cooperative attitude towards helping each other meet our individual goals. RIP Lisa, you are forever in my heart. Our son has married a fantastic woman and given me my first grandchild, you would be so proud of him now Angel. All my love.
Sry for your loss, same happened to me, found a great woman when I was 17, we started dating when both were 24 and married at 25 back in 2009. She was amazing, beautiful, intelligent, also hard worker and with a golden heart. Lost her in 2022 due to a cancer. Now Im 40 with 2 great lil kids and discovered that dating is very hard today…. So much crap going on. I really had a beautiful diamond 😢
100% confirmed! What I always find astonishing is how many people confuse or equate sexy with attractive; I find many women sexy but not at all attractive. Attraction has a lot more to do with character than looks. A great body can be exciting from a distance, but if it's the body of a woman who is immature or arrogant, manipulative, disrespectful, or calculating, or cold-hearted, or fake, I have no interest in being around her so not attracted to her. What is attractive to me are women in whose presence I feel taken seriously, understood and liked. There aren't too many of them.
When a woman purposely talks about other men, its an Instant Turn Off to the man that might be interested in her, and a real man will dump her in a heartbeat for doing that.
1. VERY TRUE. Aside from having a bro code, we aren't into the competition and in fact are unlikely to play if we realize it is a competition. Why? Because nobody will be #1 on that roster or "undefeated" forever, and we don't want to put the time and effort into something that will broken the second the grass looks greener on the side... because lets be honest, in life there are ALWAYS times the grass looks greener on the side when the chips are down. We prefer to keep watering our yard and make it healthy, not hop to a new yard and let the old one die.
Men are biologically coded to work together. Because working together allowed us to hunt larger prey, face bigger threats and live, etc. We challenge and compete with each other, but that's to ensure that we'll be up to the challenges the world will throw at us and can be relied upon to pull our own weight, NOT to undermine/destroy each other.
Damn, talk about translating woman code, thanks! On a first date a woman should be able to carry the conversation. I find so many ladies don't even do that these days. It's refreshing when they do.
Absolutely true. For anything more than a hookup, personality trumps looks as long as the physical attraction is there. If you're a 10/10 in looks but are shallow and self-absorbed, we don't want you for a relationship. And yes, even a 5/10 will win over a 10/10 if she brings peace and loyalty to the table.
unless you score looks and personality separately on a 1-10 scale like i'm pretty sure this guy is meaning to do, if you do both at the same time than the last 5 points would count for that @@heinzamatic
And over time they become more and more pretty ,as one finds the small magical moments where they look at you a certain way with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes whereas the 10/10 with the ugly personality tends to show you moments where one do not find her attractive at all... both good and bad shines trough the outer layers of a person..
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:41 🏁 *Women make a mistake by turning dating into a competition, highlighting other men's interest to create competition. However, men prefer not to compete and value loyalty.* 07:23 💄 *Women often focus only on improving their looks after a breakup, neglecting aspects like personality and character. Men value more than physical attractiveness; they seek emotional connection and peace.* 11:56 🔄 *Women hinder relationships by not reciprocating effort, trying to make men chase them. Men appreciate reciprocity and want a woman interested enough to participate actively in building a connection.* Made with HARPA AI
1. we value respect AND loyalty. everything else grows from there. or never happens due to lack of it. if a woman is disrespectful we walk 2. women do often care about shallow things that don't matter whereas men are more pragmatic and practical. we are known to be problem solvers and that means looking closely at ourselves and improve ourselves. women are problem makers and love drama and lack any form of self reflection. when they do self reflect it is still turned into (in)directly blaming others 3. women are complacent and lazy in most cases. they rarely put true and proper effort into relationships. they don't understand the commitment and hard work and dedication as well as sacrifices that need to be made in order for a relationship to work. that is why they just want to get the marry ceremony and ring, but not the actual work that comes afterwards.
"Women often focus only on improving their looks after a breakup," What is bad about that is that they (both the men and women) should be always working on looking and being their best rather than going into going all in after a break-up. If you truly love someone you would always want to look and feel good, which this clearly applies - "...neglecting aspects like personality and character."
Men "compete" with other men, and want peace with their partner. What man wants to be on-edge every moment of his life? Their partner is supposed to be their "safe place" where they get to relax and not have to worry.
That third point is I think what really burned me out on dating. Is I would regularly feel like if I didn't reach out and talk nothing would happen. Like I would go out to start a conversation, and it would just end immediately. Eventually it just felt hollow.
When I started dating my now wife, I had gone on a couple dates with another girl that liked dating but vehemently declared she had no interest in marriage. But when I went on one date with my now wife, the previous girl not only became much more interested, but she became hostile to my now wife. That was such a turnoff.
We used to say that women that show an interest either find you to be "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Right-Now". That's okay, if your attitudes align; just figure it out early on.
You are correct about the personality. When I was dating, I would go out with some very attractive women and due to their personality they would become less physically attractive in my eyes. It also works in reverse. I went out on dates with women I didn't find particularly attractive at first but due to their great personality became more physically attractive in my eyes. I finally met a woman who I found physically attractive and had a great personality, making her even more attractive. I married her over 38 years ago and she is still fantastic.
Got to keep in mind that looks fade with time, but the personality remains the same until the end. The exterior may draw you in, but it's what's inside that keeps you there
Last time I was on a date she told me about 2 other guys she’d been on dates with at the same time, like literally within the last couple weeks so yeah that was my first red flag and then she had a problem with me not drinking and apparently that was a deal breaker. That was years ago now and I’m kinda glad we didn’t work out.
I am lucky because I didn’t date any girl. Lots of opportunities but just couldn’t one I really wanted to spend time with. Then she suddenly appeared. Finally she went on a date with me. We talked for hours and hours. Then her favorite song played on the radio. Beach Boys Barbara Ann also that was her name. Their concert was two weeks away and I had lawn tickets. I took her to Thursday opening night at Pine Knob outdoor theater. She and I had a great time together. Then I explained that I did part time work for the theater owners. My payment was season pass to any concert. We went Friday, Saturday, Sunday night. She was my first real girlfriend. Became engaged a college then married. October we celebrated 45th wedding anniversary. Our journey together has had our difficulties. Our communication skills is a strength and desire for our own family. She is also the most beautiful woman I ever met.
I think that for most men, beauty gets their attention but personality brings them back a second time. Women seem not to unerstand this. Repeatedly when asked what they bring to the table in a relationnship, women respond "I bring me", meaning their physical body. Emily, you have really nailed it with all three of these points. Unril women undersand that men act like men and not like other women, they will continue to get everything wrong, especially when they let other women reinforce their incorrect thinking about what men want.
Here's a simple truth: pride in something unearned isn't attractive to men; it's arrogance... and it's ugly. If you announce to the world that you're a 10 out of 10, that's a huge instant red flag to us. It tells us you think you're perfect, just the way you are. The biggest lie ever sold to women is that they shouldn't have to change who they are and are worthy of love simply by existing. EVERYONE has room for improvement, especially -- and I can't stress this enough -- ESPECIALLY when it comes to personality. You are NOT perfect just the way you are. If you think you're a 10/10, then at the very least you need to learn the value of a humble heart and realize the folly of unearned pride.
For most women, insecurity and pride drive the need to feel chased and fought for. When a man who is truly high value meets such a woman, the tables have been turned. He is prize. She is not. Solomon called his Shulamite a lily amongst the thorns. For a high value man, most women are thorns and I agree 100% with your assessment of the 3 common mistakes. Such women may as well tattoo their foreheads with the words, “I’m a poor choice!”
There's 4 things that I looked for when finding my girlfriend 1) gratitude, 2) loyalty, I want her to be for me, I want her to ride for me, and always be by my side, I don't ever want to look at her and have to wonder who's side is she on. 3) understanding, understanding of the fact that I'm not always going to get it right and then I'm trying to figure it out. 4) attention to detail, men love attention. And when I found my girlfriend she gave me all those.
Number 3, number 3 is a priority for me, when women fuck the relationship up, months later it hits them, then you're the bad one when you move on. Figure it out ahead of time ladies!
@@-darkangelic- we talked about it, but where we used to live caught fire so we had to move in with her dad so neither one of us have the money for our own place right now so we're kind of trying to figure it out and we don't even have a vehicle our vehicle shit the bed so what kind of just stuck in one place right now
You are spot on. It’s heartening to hear a women that cares about men and understands. It can be very difficult. Thats how it is but an acknowledgment is appreciated. Take care!
Man dating has been completely ruined by social media. All the various aspects that are now considered normal are ruinous for actual meaningful connections with people. At this point if you meet someone that has an instagram etc. just move on. Social media ruins brains.
I completely agree with these 3 points. I just recently discovered Emily and I think she has the best advices/videos about dating that I have ever seen.
Totally agree on point two. My attraction to a woman is not based solely on her looks - it's the woman within I am interested in. Looks fade, or become part of the furniture, character is permanent and what you have to live with. If she's up herself, entitled and arrogant because she thinks she's God's gift to mankind, that's a real turn off from the get-go - regardless of her looks.
Item 3 I like the wording. I've noticed that myself but I hadn't been able to put it into words, and it kind of varies depending on the individual situation. Either I feel she's not interested, or maybe she has depression, maybe she's lacking social skills, maybe she just comes across as a little uninteresting or even dumb. 1 and 2 you just absolutely nailed. The second she makes it a competition she gets demoted to temporary or possibly done and I start looking elsewhere. I'd rather be alone and happy than chasing someone like that. Simply cannot invest or, at those presented odds, gamble.
My mother always used to say that "Looks will get the phone ringing off the hook, but they won't keep a conversation going." I'm long since happily married, but I can't count the number of times an attractive woman I dated ruined her attractiveness simply by being an empty vessel, devoid of an interesting interior life. You can date someone like that, but you sure can't spend a lifetime with them.
Wow, I don't know how you can be so spot on. I've dropped women who seemed to not be as interested in me as I thought they should to find out later (too late for them) that they were interested. Also I am not her sloppy seconds. If you rejected me, break up with your boyfriend and come around to date me, forget it! You're right about my bro. I want him to date before I date, and he feels the same about me over the same girl. We will also not date the same woman after she dated one of us. It's just the way we are.
I'm now 40. I've had more women interested in me in the 7 years I've been married than in the entire 17 years or so before hand! Maybe it is that I am now picking up more interest, since prior to my wife I honestly never believed anyone was interested, but I suspect the truth is nastier. The double irony is that the more blatant the interest, the less I am interested in return, since any woman who would expect me to cheat on my wife, is not even worth my time as a friend.
Mate selection copying is common when women don't have a dad they are close with or other father figures to validate a man so she naturally uses other women's choices to ensure the safety of a mate.
It's the easy way to mate selection - if someone wants/has him, he must be good, so I want him. If no one is with him, he must be bad, so I don't want him.
@@elezraita I was 32 when I got married 7 years ago (I got married a month before my 33rd birthday). The first time I became interested in an actual girl of my acquaintance; a female friend in fact, was when I was 16. Though I started to realise I was heterosexual when I was around 13, the interest never became specific to any girls I actually knew. That's where I got the "17 years", from.
1. agree 2. competition. age 14 I decided that I would not compete for a woman's attention. 3. rejection. I am a dancer. Made appointment to meet my female dentist at a night club for dancing, only. She was late and I had gone home. She related that she now knew what it was like to be a man. She had asked three men to dance and each one had refused. 4. description of most grounded woman I ever met. Her father was a scoutmaster and he vowed to remain until her three older male siblings made Eagle Scout. She went on every campout and saw the boys cry, fight, argue, succeed and fail. She had no illusions. If you want a relationship with a man, go where they are (skip the hen parties), put yourself out to start a relationship and accept that you will receive some rejection. You should understand one biggest secrets in the world that women do not share. Yes, there are women who ask men out. . . "let's have a cup of coffee", "are you going to the dance this Friday, I will be there".
Many years ago, when I was on a dating app, I was messaging with a woman who seemed interesting and smart. At one point, she informed me that she'd narrowed her choices down to three men, and that, lucky for me, I'd made the cut! This was very off-putting to me, to say the least. This was around the holidays, and we were both busy, and hadn't had a chance to meet IRL. A couple of weeks later, she informed me that I'd been "cut" as I had not made the effort to meet her IRL, and she wasn't in this for penpal. I knew I'd dodged a bullet on that one. I wonder what happened to her...
I dated a woman for a month who was very controlling and rigged and would only allow simple pecks on the lips. When I got frustrated and asked her can we make out a little her reply was ‘You haven't earned it.” and she broke up with me. She was worse as a friend more than a date. I called that off .
Dont sweat it man. Sometimes guys are narrowing their options and making their own cuts too. She likely ended up with a guy doing the same to her. They deserve each other and what they get.
The competition thing hits home. In highschool when i got my programming award i went from being an unknown person to suddenly all the popular kids knew about me. They found out i hadn't even tried to date yet and suddenly that made me desirable somehow. Que the droves of popular girls randomly approaching me and being REALLY inappropriate and flirtatious. One girl was so bold she "dropped her pencil" and backed her ass right into my face in math class. I ended up asking some friends in which i discovered none of the girls actually cared about me, the just wanted the title of being my first date. I was just gonna be another notch on their belt basically. I resisted the advances, and tried to report math girl in which i was laughed away by the teacher who insisted i should enjoy that kind of thing and after a couple months they all got collectively mad and decided to just smear my name and reputation saying crap like i was gay and stuff like that. After half a year it calmed down entirely, but yeah girls competing with each other is the WORST thing for a man.
It’s human nature to see others as we are and not necessarily how the person is we see. I’m middle aged and single. I’ve had women try to impress/lure me by how much money they make. I could care less about how much money my significant other has. I just want to be loved, honored and respected.
In my dating experience, when I was looking to graduate a relationship to create 'family', I had some options that were 'pretty but problematic' and ultimately chose 'attractive enough but much less problematic'. I left a relationship for a less attractive lady as she was a better 'fit' and what I considered a better 'long term' value exchange (better for my kid, better for my sanity, less baggage and less body count). When men get 'serious', we get very picky about 'who you are' and less superficial about 'how you look today' (which we know will change with time and you can't hold onto that). Note: I don't think ladies know when a man has become serious about starting a family even if he says it (aka: instead of 'all relationships' potentially could have a serious ending). A man prepares himself to support a family and it may be years before he's confident he can take it on. All those other years are 'looking' but not 'buying' (he's not financially prepared to be serious so he won't... hopefully... lead a lady on like that). Ironically, I think it's probably the same for a man in his 40's or 50's (he doesn't 'need' to afford it.... may have already afforded it and completed that part of his life... so hopefully... he's not leading any ladies on like that either)
I remember back in high school, I was interested in that girl, not in a sexual way, but I liked her personality, where she came from, and things that I heard she was interested in. so I wanted to know her. Still, it was so hard to make conversation, not as in I didn't have anything to talk to, as in she didn't respond appropriately or answer some of my questions. She never initiated a conversation. I thought it would take some time to get out of her shell, but after 4-5 months, I felt I was bothering her, and it was like a one-sided interest; maybe she had too many friends, so I stopped approaching. That was my last conversation with her, but this experience always reminds me to spend time with people who are interested in you as much as you are interested in them, not only your partner but your friends too.
Exactly brother. I’m in second year uni : and this girl who is exactly my type look wise but not really personality but I tried to get myself out there and being myself. But whenever I talked to her, I felt nothing. I have mever spoken to a person where I can’t be myself which made me so uncomfortable. Plus I would ask her out lots of time and replied with I’m busy or sorry I responded late etc. never asked me out even as friends. So I removed her from my snap list whatever. Don’t need to talk to her about it. If I see her I will just say hi and bye. So Yh I will only be with people who like me for me
I really like these videos, it's nice to see an educated, well-spoken woman bringing attention to these issues and showing a point of view that other women might not realize. I see a lot of guys in the comments all the time and I really do hope that the women that see these videos don't just dismiss them as BS and take some of this to heart, because almost all of it is good information when it comes to interacting with a decent man.
I agree but I found she waffled on to much and zoned out for most of the video. Could have broken it down into 3 very simple explanations rather then all the excess spell.
@@anthonyfrost8925 After all she’s missing the Y-gen 😂 Many words are a build-in feature and as long as they are in a complicated way telling non-bs, I fine.
It is so eerie to hear you describe the exact things my ex-gf used to pull on me by trying to make me jealous of all the guys she could replace me with at the snap of her fingers, and how she thought becoming involved with a newlywedded man was alright because she was "better" than his wife. I wish these types of videos had been available when I was young. I could have saved myself from so many messed up situations.
I think you're spot on, Emily. Too many women seem to think that they just have to sit back and be princesses and put nothing into even the start of any interactions. The princess mentality seems to continue to their very dismissive nature, often based on extremely superficial factors. Interactions are too often limited to superficial discussions and need to be driven by the man, because the is the constant distraction of interacting with others via social media. So it's all too easy for a man to get disillusioned and move on.
You hit the nail on head . they say hi smile. You smile talk to them . they just look at you. And say one liners pull teeth just for conversation. You ask her name. Its like you ask for kidney. Or birth right just saying
One-sided shallow conversation that do not connect deeper or i do not see any signs of initiative, i often stop because it's very burdensome to carry on.
I've heard the "roster" thing a few times...for me, it's a 10,000% turnoff.. I recognize it's ALWAYS it's a manipulation... & I refuse to be a "validation well" Bye, bye...
Very early in dating I experienced the "being kept on the shelf" relationship. After second time, never allowed it again. Not proud it took two times to learn my lesson.
Like this one because it feels like you are talking to us one on one without you behind your phone. I get it that this is your trademark thing, but you seemed more relaxed at what you are so good at. Your wisdom and perspective is so much needed and appreciated. Shine on girl!!!
Women, especially teens and early 20’s focus almost entirely on their physical beauty at the expense of their personality. Ladies think of it like shoes. Have you ever seen the most gorgeous pair of heels then tried them on and they were the most painful irritating things to wear? But then there’s a set of crocs that are ugly as heck but you will happily wear them every chance you get? Either extreme can be bad. Men want a woman that’s attractive sure! But we value comfort over everything else. Just look at how we dress! We have to train ourselves to think about style and beauty. If you want to land a good husband be as beautiful as you can reasonably be, but remember we value that comfort WAYY more than the looks.
You nailed it dead on. A 10/10 in looks would only get your foot in the door. After a few dates or months, they will show their true colors, aka red flags. But if you’re attracted to a 5/10, there’s no problem with that. Physical attraction obviously matters to everyone. But if you can be attracted to someone lesser in looks, I’d say it speaks higher for you since a lot of women are only looking for the top 10%.
Thank You! After lot of years, lot of effort, lot of disappointment - I would choose inner beauty rather than outside look. Beauty is in the eye of beholder.
Thankful that I've never been the kind of woman who even WANTED a roster, much less had one! I had no intention of seeking another relationship, for over a year after getting away from the ex. After escaping, I finally began to understand that I was WORTH the effort to get healthy & feel beautiful in my own skin! So, yes, I have worked on my outer beauty, but it's because of the healing on the inside! And I'm all about making the men in my life feel appreciated! I'm blessed to have them, and I want them to know!!! ❤ (My dad especially, but also a "friend" I'm in a budding relationship with. 😊) Whew! No, not special.... just thankful I'm (hopefully) doing it right, so that I can enjoy a HEALTHY relationship this time! ❤️🙏🏼
I still remember hearing about how the popular girls in high school literally had a roster for the guys they liked and were dating, and as society became more easy and comfortable about sex, you know what that means. Tinder has only modernized and expedited the process.
What's is often lacking is the last part you mentioned: to have a conversation where the woman understands who the man is as a person. Too frequently I avoid conversations because my words, even carefully though out, will lead down a rabbit hole. The women I've had some experience with don't seem to understand what I really saying maybe because they lose the context from which I'm speaking. Ex: "I need some advanced notice on new expenses,"...response: "Oh, so it's my fault again?", or "That's only because you never listen", or "Are you the only one who needs to worry about expenses?". Women, in my experience, tend to be more concerned with defending themselves (or competing) than listening and problem solving as a team.
I personally would rather solve the problems. I don’t want drama and contention. I don’t want to compete with other women. I don’t want to compete with air brushed photos. I’m shocked and appalled by the behavior of many women.
I remember one girl I had sat next to every night during a 6 week course on Thursday evenings - we were friendly - I had expressed interest in her - she told me she had a boyfriend - on the last night a muscley guy sat next to her on the other side and started repeatedly slapping his thighs to attract her attention - she responded with the body language of interest, stroking her hair, and stroking her leg beside his, etc. There was a last night celebration in a different location where I knew the other guy was gonna turn up - I drove the girl in my car, and told her I wasn't feeling well (the truth) so wouldn't go, I'd just drop her off at the party - she immediately hotly started shouting 'why do you GIVE UP so easily !!!' She wanted me to compete - I walked away - she WASN'T happy about that. Meh.
Is this some kind of a joke? Of course YOU are NOT going to compete for HER. Maybe this is hind sight on your part, and I am not attacking you man. What I am attempting to communicate is this female came off with this attitude of 'Why are you not gratifying my ego needs? You are weak and flawed somehow for not giving me what I want on my terms, and allowing me to be the ringmaster and have you jump through the hoops I set up. It's your fault and your problem that I can't control and manipulate the situation, placing myself in some artificially constructed competition where you play the fool for my amusement.' Vain, arrogant and haughty. Just the kind of female every man dreams about.
Absolutely right. We tell Women this, but they don't want to believe us sometimes ( well, the knuckleheads don't). Hope they listen to you for their own sake, I'm done trying to explain much of anything to these grown women. Bless you for your efforts.
I dated this girl who mentioned who ex several times and once comparing him to me, this immediately ended my interest in her. I ended that evening then never called her back. There are plenty of other fish in the sea I only want one who wants me over others, can’t speak for all men but I can for me and the guys I know….ladies there is always someone else out there and YOU ARE NOT THE ULTIMATE PRIZE. The fact that you are doing this tells me that you will always be open to what you think is a better option so leaves me questioning your commitment to me. To your second point; yes we will drop a few points for no drama, enjoyable fun woman so its spot on. A woman’s beauty rating factors in their personality not just their looks. Not to mention a woman who look like they spent an hour getting ready to go out drop several points.
Right on, Emily. Regarding number 2 I can't believe now how strongly I dove into self-help after the breakup of my first marriage. Yes, I lost weight and became more fit but most of the effort was to figure out who I was and how can I could be better. After about two years I achieved a level of peace and understanding. After that I met a woman and eventually married again and we are just reaching 35 years together.
Now, I am different than the typical male, I guess. When I was eligible and dating (not many dates) I of course had to have had an initial attraction or at least that she showed some interest in me. Then it was about her values, personalty, honesty, assessed in the first or second date. My wife, was getting a divorce when we were dating, and I did ask her early on if she thought she would go back to him, she indicated mostly no but not sure. She never put that out as something I would be competing against. Had she done that, I would have just not asked for another date, I am not into competing much. In any case, it now has been 49 years on since our marriage. Love her more every day.
So true! When I was dating my wife another woman in our social group tried to pry me away by talking big about all her other relationships. It was the biggest turn-off ever!
This video is absolutely spot on! As a 61 year old bachelor who has worked hard on my life with assets, military retirement, height fitness, on point dressing and travel quite a lot, I would never date a “10” who has a shallow personality or is terrible with other people! I am dating women half my age now and good attributes are very important and less on looks! 👍
I always thought of it as a 5/5 for the looks and the soul. So she's a pretty girl, so a 4/5. But she's got a chip on her shoulder and a bad attitude towards life, so a 0/5. So she's a 4/10 and a hard pass.
@@mac11380 You are contradicting yourself. By the very definition of " high maintenance," She can't be a 10/10. I've known high maintenance and they are demanding and insufferable, which is by definition, bad personality. No amount of looks can overcome that.
@@stevensawyer5924 The 10 out of 10 was about her looks, nothing else, a 10 out of 10 looks wise can be the most horrible person you have ever met. The rating had nothing to do with her personality. 9:58
When I was finally divorced from my ex after 22 years (19years at separation) I went into depression first, then did a lot of soul searching about what happened and why. I came to two conclusions. 1) I had lost who I was before the marriage, and wanted to get it back. So I started practicing things that I enjoyed that made me the person I was. 2) I realized looking back at my life from my teens, I hadn't been given a fair education on Women/Sex, and What Love was. So I spent 5-6 years exploring those things. I soon learned that Women didn't value any of this. The amount of rejection was phenomenal. This was in the late 90's early 2000's... I was quickly learning MGTOW without calling it that. Women were like cocaine addicts. I quickly learned to avoid them except as far as just casual low level interactions, even at work. When I retired in 2005 due to ill health, I just stayed away from women. The effort was no longer worth it. Life has been pleasant and while I now live alone, I am not lonely. Even without pets.
That’s the spirit! Men who realize they don’t really want or need women should just stop pursuing them. Then they’ll be happier and better off. AND so will the men who still crave female companionship-because then there will be more women left available for THEM to have a chance with!
I got caught in the situation where she was trading up with me from her first marriage which she described as mentally abusive.She had a child under three who was a great little kid. We lived together and we got engaged and she moved into my home and she went back to finish her college degree. I`m so glad we didn`t want to get married right away because she traded up again. I don`t fault her that much because she did trade up, a lot. What hurt the most was I got attached to her kid who was just under five and he bonded with me. That turned out to be the worse part of it all having no parental rights. Would I or will I ever get serious with another women with kids?I don`t think so, because of that bitter experience.
You're 100% right. We don't want a woman who flirts also with other men and shows us she has options. Well. we might be ok with that, if it's about just sex, like a competition who is a better hunter. But if we want a long term relationship. loyalty and trust are the key. If she keeps other men around, how can I trust her? Improving her looks. It depends, If it's about better shape and physical condition, it's a nice extra. But it's about a dress showing more body, more make up, fake nails (I hate that), there is nothing to be attracted to. On the contrary. And the last one. No reciprocation. Women's logic, try harder, if you want to get me. Men's logic (if they're not in love because emotions might cloud judgement), if she doesn't reciprocate, she's not interested in me so I can't build a long term relationship with her.
Is excellent commentary Emily 😊 I know your followers are probably mostly men but I wish more women would watch and learn from your thoughts and ideas because they are extremely accurate I show no interest in women who think it's a competition That you have to win Tens rarely have a decent personality And social media has destroyed women's perception of what they should be looking for in a good man Thank you again Emily 😊
Right! 3. Instead of having a reason to get jealous, I have a reason to get away. If she can't get over her ex, she becomes an ex. 2. I agree. It's interesting that women say men are shallow and are only into a woman's appearance, yet that's all they seem to work on to improve themselves. I'll take a three with an eight personality over an eight with a three personality any day of the week. 1. I blame the system. It's better to be alone than with a woman who doesn't get it. Reciprocation is as important as affection. There are sex dolls out there that seem to understand this more than many women.
Love that last part. Dating right now almost feels like a job hunt right now. I work on my profile or resume in hopes that I can make it to the interview and maybe that interview will get me an internship. Meanwhile I'm competing against other guys for the same "job". It's exhausting
Ladies NEVER tell your guy you have tons of other male prospects. If you are living with him he is going to be leaving....soon. For you just told him you are moving on.
If somebody I'm chasing tells me she has options, what I hear is, "I'm not interested, you're just one of many." At that point, I stop chasing - she's just given me what seems like a very, very clear message.
A lot of this is right on Emily. 2 of my things in the dating apps are... Women hardly have to put any effort into finding matches, so if they dont even fill their bio's out with details about themselves, I assume they just want to be picked solely based on their physical appearance and nothing else and I'm already not interested. Im interested in some personality and hopefully some common interests. Then when I do match with a woman, if I have to drive the conversation in the beginning for the first 3 messages in a row and she puts no effort into having a two way conversation... I just unmatch and dont waste my time. My thought process is, they already get 20 to 30 times more matches than men, if I have to force it right from the beginning then I'm not interested in an uphill battle for someone I've never even met before.
Putting in effort is the biggest thing I agree with. At this moment I'm burnt out on just having a conversation because of the lack of effort. It could just be my luck, but every initial conversation I have with getting to know someone ends up feeling like pulling teeth. Responses that lead nowhere or vague answers followed up with "and you" to every question isn't effort into a conversation. That's what I've been dealing with the dating world.
Emily, you are correct again about personaliy over looks. I am now old enough that I can pass on a 9+ woman because I know the troubles that come with her. A modest appearance and uplifting supportive personality is a winner for me.
I'm amazed by how well you understand us men. Yes, I'm looking for emotional connection over pretty looks. Yes, if a woman is dating or flirting other men, I loose interest.
Being that guy who deflected compliments all the time, disliked the number scaling system applied or used on others for statements of attractiveness, and genuinely believed they didn't have a so called type. Only to go through basically two quietly but intensely painful break-up years apart and re-assesing ask this and deciding to ride the self improvement monorail as I call it now. It's clear I have had and do have alot to Alecia about myself, was right not to rate others so flippantly as some will, and do have a preferential type desire being open to be with seemingly anyone just as I believed. Your videos Emily encouraged the self respect and confidence it's taken to reach and stand by these realizations, so thank you. Sorry for the wandering rant though 😅
My evaluation of a woman, or a guy, is I like them or I don't, I'd like to spend time with them, or I don't want to be around them numbers, numbers don't count. Core values, attitude and comparability with my values means way more than your physical appearance to me. Trust me, I am getting close to 80 years old and it is a hard truth that what you look like at age 20, 30 or 40 is nothing like you are going to look like when you get to be 60 + years old. I firmly believe that if you choose a mate based on looks, or status, of 10, the odds are against a good relationship: looks will change and fortunes have been lost by an uncountable number of people (through no fault of their own). I am absolutely old enough to be your father, likely even old enough to be your grandfather and I would (if required to) rate you (Emily) a 9, maybe even a 10 if I knew you better) based on the thoughts/feelings that I have seen in your videos. This has been a long round about way to say: Ladies, if you want a guy to bring value and meaning to your life, don't try to be a physical 10, tend to your core values and personality. Men, core values and compatibility mean way more than looks for a life-time mate, those looks will not be the same after a period of time. PS: I was married to my wife for almost 50 years before my wife passed. No disrespect intended, looking back, I would say she was a 6 possibly a 7 (by looks) when we got married. A good relationship and/or marriage is not a one way street; both sides have to get and give for it to be successful.
It's truly amazing how quickly a woman can go from a 10/10 to a 1/10 just by speaking.
or actions.
Glad I'm not the only one to notice this!
I will never view a woman as a 10.
When a lady betrays the bargain she made with a man, her value to him will plummet no matter how she looks. These are the ones that you could care less losing them and all you are concerned with is the wasted investments and the damage done. It's 'who they are' and not 'how they look'.
True dat
Married for 23 years. 90% of our marriage has been amazing. However, in my early 30’s, I had a dream job surrounded by beautiful women in the fashion industry. I experienced the kind of women who go after the “taken” men. I dodged a few bullets. These women were relentless. They couldn’t care less about my wife, my kids and my well being. The best thing I did was tell my wife. Long story long, I got out of that side of the industry. I stayed true. However, I don’t think I would have made it without our strong foundation. We’ve always, still do, work on each other. Never take that for granted-male or female. You both have responsibilities. Even if it becomes routine, just remember you’re building up for the tough times.
👍love is a verb. What most people call love today is reaping the benefits of a relation without doing anything.
Been there.
One fine detail that says a lot.
These women would usually not be interested UNLESS you're engaged. At least that was my experience. Extremely infuriating to think about.
@@nnuae I’m an outgoing + positive guy. However, I NEVER approached them in anyway…never. I was young, decent looking and director at a young age. You don’t think women look for that? 🤔
Years ago, after my divorce, I would sometimes wear a wedding band if I wasn't feeling approachable. I was told by multiple people that could attract some women. Well that makes it easy! I have no interest in a woman who would approach a man while wearing a wedding band.
Contrast that to the woman I married last year. On the second date, she straight up asked me if there was anyone who would be upset or hurt if she and I were having dinner. Atta girl!
@@jasenjahn Your wife might have gotten more attracted to you because other women hit on you. Anyway, the result was good for you.
A women who flaunts the males competing for her is saying to the world: "I will rent my body to the highest bidder. And if someone later bids higher than you, I'm going with him instead of you." No serious man will agree to a deal like that.
Mercenaries are a bad bet for anyone.
Fairly succinct.
I like it...well said
@@NerdlySquared _Pragmatic_ is a euphemism for HO.!
Bad and Nerdly, so well said.
My ex wife tried the whole “will we still be friends” thing. I said we aren’t now.
It’s weird to me that a woman would think a relationship founded on a romantic connection would persist into a platonic one. I think some guys stick around in the hopes of rekindling the romantic part, but all they’re doing is enabling her to take advantage of them.
I think what she really meant was that you could still be her handyman whenever she needed help.
@@Waltkat apparently, she thought we would still have occasional sex.
@@Waltkatbingo
She is trying to friend zone you, no thanks.
Being a man I have to say if a woman ever tells me she has "options" then I will tell her to go get them. There shouldn't be anybody else.
Yep, the old "But other men would do X, Y and Z for me!" That's ok - run along now and go ask those other men to do it.
Sadly enough, that response is what would make those same women more attracted to you. But if that's what you need to do for the woman to be attracted to you, that's going to be a toxic relationship that you don't want any part of lol
See this is women trying to be men, women are always attracted to men that other women want , but men don't want women that are entertaining other guys .
Leaving is a option 😂😂
Well said.
You hit the nail on the head!! Men appreciate beauty, sure, but we greatly prize and value peace and quiet.
We'll take the 5 (in looks) with a 10 personality ANY DAY over the 10 with a 5 personality.
Speak for yourself chief. Not all guys are looking for anything long term. Not to mention Im 45 and I never met a woman with a good personality. Ive met women who pretend to have a good personality to get a guy but that doesnt last.
The 10's are usually horrible ,superficial people. There's reasons roses have thorns,nice to look at,painful to pick. The two tens I've been with are horrible people. Fun to fk, horrible to be around.
Married a 7, blissful!
@@sole__doubt I am sorry
c'mon that can't all be true. There is someone out there for everyone!@@sole__doubt
why there are prickles on a love flower, I'll never understand. Just be careful when you hand them out. I love girls to a certain point, then I may turn judgemental rather than humble.@@clarencemcglynn114
You forgot #4: Taking dating/relationship advice from their bitter, single friends who have never had a successful relationship in their lives and who think that stacking up the bodies is the same thing.
Crabs in a bucket behavior. Quite common these days among the fairer sex.
👌
I once told a coworker to her face that getting nailed in the parking lot by a different guy every day doesn't make her a relationship expert.
"body count" is generally one of the most diminishing phrases for a person (or rather group of persons)
soooo... if you only want to have relationships with people, that want to be diminished by you: tell them your "body count" and just ask them directly, if they want to be your "plus one" 😜
Since I was a teenager (45 years ago) I have noted that women advising each other on relations with men is the blind leading the blind.
All three are spot on. #2 is essential. Women usually underestimate how powerful the presence of a woman who is at peace with herself is.
If I wanted to audition, I would have been an actor. If a woman is showing interest in other men, they can have her.
Agreed. If she's not focused on 'me', she's just not sufficiently worth my time (best of luck other men). I won't waste time with a lady rolling like that (she's wasting my time I could be redirecting toward a better prospect).
Great analogy. We want a woman that loves us. We are happy to work all day for our families. We have no desire to feel like we are working for our spouse or girlfriend.
Naturally, we are the ones who invest.
He's right but I have him a nice like number hold your agreements boys
@@lumas69 "He's right but I have him a nice like number hold your agreements boys" I'm sorry. Your response was not understood. Please try again.
#1 is madness. A Chad or Tyrone won't bother with women who want to play that popularity game as they have loads of optioms, and less popular and less confident men will be likely discouraged that the woman they're with is thinking about other men.
What is a Chad?
In high school, a girl I liked dated my friend. She was fair game, as I never told my friend I liked her. And with her dating my friend, I basically wrote her off. Two years later in our senior year, after they broke up, she told me she started dating my friend because she wanted to make me jealous enough to ask her out. I'm not sure why she thought I'd screw over my friend like that, by basically stealing his girl. Nor is jealousy a good foundation for a relationship. But turns out we both liked each other and her playing games screwed us both out of dating each other.
Maybe I dodged a bullet, or maybe she would have grown out of those games. Not sure. But after she told me that's why she started dating my friend, I ignored her entirely.
You dodged a bullet.
I can’t begin to understand her behavior, and I’m a woman. 🤷♀️
Been walking this earth for 71 years and you are one of the few women who really understand men's minds. Preach it sister!
71 years of walking is a lot of walking- sit down and rest for awhile.
lol
@@NotApplicapleno keep walking, always
every woman who wants to understand men should read: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger
73 years old here - ditto!
Emily, you are completely right about looks having a limited effect on men when it comes to long term relationships. It is for a very simple reason: A man will only marry a woman if she is the answer to the question “Is this the woman I want to share my ENTIRE life with, the woman I want live with in my home?”. It takes a LOT of personality compatibility for the answer to be “yes”.
Emily, the only thing I'd add is the reason men don't want to be part of a competition for the woman we are interested in is because almost every other aspect of a man's life is already a competition. When searching for a partner we need the peace of not having to compete, of feeling desired for just for being us and knowledge that our relationship will be the harbinger of that peace not the disrupter of that peace.
Very well said.
You said it how it is. 👏
In fact, that’s the main gain I expected from a relationship, to come home to a peaceful haven after fighting through the day. But I used to get the opposite instead.
Yes. A girl may start to sabotage the relationship when she feels attracted by the other "options". Then you will have to compete at home and proof you are the best every day. Men just want to arrive at home and rest. Job's competition is enough for us.
Came to the comments to say the exact same thing. Everything for the male experience is a competition, even if the only person we're competing against is ourselves. Competing for a girl's attention is just another stresser I don't want to deal with.
This is true. Especially the one about making dating a competition. For example, when a woman ghosted me after I suggested we change our next date activity to something else, and then contacted me a month later asking for a date, I left her on read, ghosting her. Because it's behavior like that, which tells me all I need to know about what a committed relationship with that woman will look like later. That's not the kind of relationship that a self respecting man would sign up for.
You’re correct.
A 5/10 woman with a good personality will be seen as a 8/10
Throw in loyalty and 10/10
Slightly disagree, loyalty is a basic requirement, without that shes a 0/10 for me.
@@kristoferprovencal3608- I read that as dating. Loyalty only comes after commitment when dating is effectively over. At that point man is committed and no longer rates the woman. She is his girlfriend, spouse or partner - period! Other women do not exist. At that point I agree with you - without loyalty she goes from that special someone to nobody.
@@finngamesknudson1457For me dating starts when you start talking to someone beyond a first date, if you like someone enough to give them a second date then you should take that seriously and shouldn't be thinking about additional prospects. When you always have a backup you'll never be willing to fully commit. That doesn't mean going on a second date with someone means your head over heels and ready to marry them, but it does mean giving them the exclusive chance to convince you to, and I think this should go for men and women. If I'm taking a girl seriously it means I'm not talking to any other girls, and I expect the same or it's a dealbreaker. Once upon a time this was how it normally worked, and dating has gone downhill ever since.
Loyalty being the big one. Loyal adds at least 3 points for me. Ill deal with someone whos a pain in the ass if shes loyal and i know beyond a shadow of a doubt she can be trusted. Such a rare quality nowadays with women.
@@goathammer4297 - Not only women. May apply to most women, but also applies to some men.
You are 100% correct about personality. I fancy a wide range of women in the looks department - but a very narrow window in the personality department. Mind games and attempting to pit me in competition against other men is an immediate deal-breaker. Any hint of militant feminism - instant deal-breaker. Any hint that a relationship is directly associated with how much money I have - instant deal breaker. Any hint of neuroticism - instant deal-breaker. No man needs the messing about and aggravation that such women bring to the party.
I recall a woman inviting me out for drinks....
....I found myself in a group....3 females 12 males clearly on a pub crawl.
I laughed,stayed for a drink and a chat,but left after about an hour.
The reason I left is simple.
It was clear that these girls all wanted the same guy in the group....the chad.
I had no intention of buying the girls drinks all night when I was a teenager,I certainly wasnt going to subsidise chad.
Perfectly secure in myself.Simply said I had to be up early the next day to go kayaking.
Told them where....and to bring suitable clothing if they wanted to try the sport.
Naturally,none of the girls were athletic except the one who invited me,who seemed surprised that I wouldnt compete for her attention.
Nah.
Better to let her chase you whilst you just do your own thing.
You probably became more attractive to her by doing that to, great job man.
Zen master
4 to 1 ratio, solid choice in bouncing out of there
I was invited to dinner and she was with two other guys. She pretty much ignored me so I left didn’t even finish my drink.
After you left, a bunch of them probably said "well I'm pretty sure he's gay." Demented skanks... I've been in similar situations. College days.
Ive had women tell me they have options. I told her ok go ahead and be with them. Then she said well i want to be with you only. I stopped talking to her. She ended up getting married, having another kid, and she still called me 5 years later telling me she was in love with me. I only knew her 3 weeks. Crazy.
Sometimes women are just being honest that other men are after them. A woman can totally want just one man and have to fight off other men. Truth is all decent looking women have multiple men chasing them! Would you rather have a woman tell you or lie and hide it. I have a boyfriend and I tell him when men are hitting on me because it makes me uncomfortable when men don’t take the hint that I’m taken. Some women just want to be completely honest. You men don’t understand how annoying it is to have total pervert and creeps stalking you. I’ve dealt with sexual harassment at jobs and because of it I now work alone night shift for 5 years. Then us women get blamed when we weren’t even flirting with other men! I am a musician and I had a guy that does sound stalking me, at first I thought he was a friend because he claimed to have tons of female friends, he knew I had a boyfriend but started stalking me, calling, texting, emailing non stop, I politely told him I just want friendship and he didn’t take the hint so I had to block him on multiple accounts. A lot of men don’t care if a woman is taken and they will stalk so also for safety reasons women should tell the man they want or are with that this is happening.
I'm saying this so men can be aware of how shady some women can be. Not all. Some are literally trash at best.
Not only is there a bro code, there is also the risk of violence. A woman who cares about me will not put me in that position.
This. Women love to see men fight over them. Anyone that would deliberately put you in a position where you have to fight, either with a competitor, or she shoots her mouth off and expects you to fight her battle for her, is an instant NO.
get help now to manage your anger. Get to the source before you hurt someone. Is that the response you were looking for?
That’s what I’m thinking. Because if I barely know some girl, I’m not going to have a desire to fight my lifelong friend if she wants him instead of me. If it’s some stranger she’s interested in, I’m really not down brawling over her. Now, if I love her, and we’re together, and she wants someone else, even in that situation, I love her and would want her to be happy. I’ll eventually find someone else
Before i hit the gym to improve my physicality, i spent almost a year improving my mental and emotional state. It works a lot better than just hitting the gym
The best relationship I ever had was with a Lady who was, at best, average looking. She was however intelligent, well spoken, a hard working self sufficient person with her own goals and desires. Our time together was split between great sex, even better conversation and a cooperative attitude towards helping each other meet our individual goals. RIP Lisa, you are forever in my heart. Our son has married a fantastic woman and given me my first grandchild, you would be so proud of him now Angel. All my love.
Sorry for your loss. Lost my wife some years ago too. Congratulations on your grandson.
I am sorry for your loss, and happy for all that you have today. ❤
Sry for your loss, same happened to me, found a great woman when I was 17, we started dating when both were 24 and married at 25 back in 2009. She was amazing, beautiful, intelligent, also hard worker and with a golden heart. Lost her in 2022 due to a cancer. Now Im 40 with 2 great lil kids and discovered that dating is very hard today…. So much crap going on. I really had a beautiful diamond 😢
My condolences ❤
I am sorry for your loss. This sounds like my wife TBH. I’m very grateful for her.
100% confirmed! What I always find astonishing is how many people confuse or equate sexy with attractive; I find many women sexy but not at all attractive. Attraction has a lot more to do with character than looks. A great body can be exciting from a distance, but if it's the body of a woman who is immature or arrogant, manipulative, disrespectful, or calculating, or cold-hearted, or fake, I have no interest in being around her so not attracted to her. What is attractive to me are women in whose presence I feel taken seriously, understood and liked. There aren't too many of them.
I finally saw the light, currently filling for divorce after 32 years
BINGO A WISE MAN WITH THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE BUT THESE 304 WILL GET CHADS AND THINK THEY ARE HOT
Yup some of the sexiest women I have ever known were very average on looks
If the girl is rude, attraction falls to 0, regardless of other things.
Beauty attracts, but personality & loyalty close the deal everytime!
When a woman purposely talks about other men, its an Instant Turn Off to the man that might be interested in her, and a real man will dump her in a heartbeat for doing that.
i did
Same thing with posting other men in their dating profiles not in their family. Really?
1. VERY TRUE. Aside from having a bro code, we aren't into the competition and in fact are unlikely to play if we realize it is a competition. Why? Because nobody will be #1 on that roster or "undefeated" forever, and we don't want to put the time and effort into something that will broken the second the grass looks greener on the side... because lets be honest, in life there are ALWAYS times the grass looks greener on the side when the chips are down. We prefer to keep watering our yard and make it healthy, not hop to a new yard and let the old one die.
This.
Men are biologically coded to work together. Because working together allowed us to hunt larger prey, face bigger threats and live, etc. We challenge and compete with each other, but that's to ensure that we'll be up to the challenges the world will throw at us and can be relied upon to pull our own weight, NOT to undermine/destroy each other.
IOW, "Bros before hos"
Damn, talk about translating woman code, thanks! On a first date a woman should be able to carry the conversation. I find so many ladies don't even do that these days. It's refreshing when they do.
Absolutely true. For anything more than a hookup, personality trumps looks as long as the physical attraction is there. If you're a 10/10 in looks but are shallow and self-absorbed, we don't want you for a relationship. And yes, even a 5/10 will win over a 10/10 if she brings peace and loyalty to the table.
Bullseye on that comment buddy👍
Looks only get a woman up to a 7, her personality is the only way to earn those last three points.
unless you score looks and personality separately on a 1-10 scale like i'm pretty sure this guy is meaning to do, if you do both at the same time than the last 5 points would count for that @@heinzamatic
@@roger_isaksson These are amazing words of wisdom. I'm not sure that a beautiful person inside CAN be physically unattractive.
And over time they become more and more pretty ,as one finds the small magical moments where they look at you a certain way with a smile and a twinkle in her eyes
whereas the 10/10 with the ugly personality tends to show you moments where one do not find her attractive at all...
both good and bad shines trough the outer layers of a person..
06:25
We also, don't want to start a fight.
I don't need to lose friends or make enemies. Fighting over a woman is a a great way to do both.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:41 🏁 *Women make a mistake by turning dating into a competition, highlighting other men's interest to create competition. However, men prefer not to compete and value loyalty.*
07:23 💄 *Women often focus only on improving their looks after a breakup, neglecting aspects like personality and character. Men value more than physical attractiveness; they seek emotional connection and peace.*
11:56 🔄 *Women hinder relationships by not reciprocating effort, trying to make men chase them. Men appreciate reciprocity and want a woman interested enough to participate actively in building a connection.*
Made with HARPA AI
1. we value respect AND loyalty. everything else grows from there. or never happens due to lack of it. if a woman is disrespectful we walk
2. women do often care about shallow things that don't matter whereas men are more pragmatic and practical. we are known to be problem solvers and that means looking closely at ourselves and improve ourselves. women are problem makers and love drama and lack any form of self reflection. when they do self reflect it is still turned into (in)directly blaming others
3. women are complacent and lazy in most cases. they rarely put true and proper effort into relationships. they don't understand the commitment and hard work and dedication as well as sacrifices that need to be made in order for a relationship to work. that is why they just want to get the marry ceremony and ring, but not the actual work that comes afterwards.
thanks for saving me 14min :)
"Women often focus only on improving their looks after a breakup,"
What is bad about that is that they (both the men and women) should be always working on looking and being their best rather than going into going all in after a break-up.
If you truly love someone you would always want to look and feel good, which this clearly applies - "...neglecting aspects like personality and character."
Bookmark
Men "compete" with other men, and want peace with their partner.
What man wants to be on-edge every moment of his life?
Their partner is supposed to be their "safe place" where they get to relax and not have to worry.
That third point is I think what really burned me out on dating. Is I would regularly feel like if I didn't reach out and talk nothing would happen. Like I would go out to start a conversation, and it would just end immediately. Eventually it just felt hollow.
When I started dating my now wife, I had gone on a couple dates with another girl that liked dating but vehemently declared she had no interest in marriage. But when I went on one date with my now wife, the previous girl not only became much more interested, but she became hostile to my now wife. That was such a turnoff.
We used to say that women that show an interest either find you to be "Mr. Right" or "Mr. Right-Now". That's okay, if your attitudes align; just figure it out early on.
Emily gave a long winded and ultra polite way of saying men don't want what guys call " Sloppy Seconds " !
You are correct about the personality. When I was dating, I would go out with some very attractive women and due to their personality they would become less physically attractive in my eyes. It also works in reverse. I went out on dates with women I didn't find particularly attractive at first but due to their great personality became more physically attractive in my eyes. I finally met a woman who I found physically attractive and had a great personality, making her even more attractive. I married her over 38 years ago and she is still fantastic.
Got to keep in mind that looks fade with time, but the personality remains the same until the end. The exterior may draw you in, but it's what's inside that keeps you there
Last time I was on a date she told me about 2 other guys she’d been on dates with at the same time, like literally within the last couple weeks so yeah that was my first red flag and then she had a problem with me not drinking and apparently that was a deal breaker. That was years ago now and I’m kinda glad we didn’t work out.
There are lots of women who don’t drink alcohol and will really appreciate that about you!
You can find someone compatible.
Best wishes
I am lucky because I didn’t date any girl. Lots of opportunities but just couldn’t one I really wanted to spend time with. Then she suddenly appeared. Finally she went on a date with me. We talked for hours and hours. Then her favorite song played on the radio. Beach Boys Barbara Ann also that was her name. Their concert was two weeks away and I had lawn tickets. I took her to Thursday opening night at Pine Knob outdoor theater. She and I had a great time together. Then I explained that I did part time work for the theater owners. My payment was season pass to any concert. We went Friday, Saturday, Sunday night.
She was my first real girlfriend. Became engaged a college then married. October we celebrated 45th wedding anniversary. Our journey together has had our difficulties. Our communication skills is a strength and desire for our own family. She is also the most beautiful woman I ever met.
As a bloke, I enjoy Emily’s insights and her projection. It good to find someone willing to acknowledge men’s standing in society.
I think that for most men, beauty gets their attention but personality brings them back a second time. Women seem not to unerstand this. Repeatedly when asked what they bring to the table in a relationnship, women respond "I bring me", meaning their physical body.
Emily, you have really nailed it with all three of these points. Unril women undersand that men act like men and not like other women, they will continue to get everything wrong, especially when they let other women reinforce their incorrect thinking about what men want.
I'm with a 4/10 in looks and an 12/10 in personality. I love our life together
Here's a simple truth: pride in something unearned isn't attractive to men; it's arrogance... and it's ugly. If you announce to the world that you're a 10 out of 10, that's a huge instant red flag to us. It tells us you think you're perfect, just the way you are. The biggest lie ever sold to women is that they shouldn't have to change who they are and are worthy of love simply by existing. EVERYONE has room for improvement, especially -- and I can't stress this enough -- ESPECIALLY when it comes to personality. You are NOT perfect just the way you are. If you think you're a 10/10, then at the very least you need to learn the value of a humble heart and realize the folly of unearned pride.
For most women, insecurity and pride drive the need to feel chased and fought for. When a man who is truly high value meets such a woman, the tables have been turned. He is prize. She is not. Solomon called his Shulamite a lily amongst the thorns. For a high value man, most women are thorns and I agree 100% with your assessment of the 3 common mistakes. Such women may as well tattoo their foreheads with the words, “I’m a poor choice!”
There's 4 things that I looked for when finding my girlfriend
1) gratitude,
2) loyalty, I want her to be for me, I want her to ride for me, and always be by my side, I don't ever want to look at her and have to wonder who's side is she on.
3) understanding, understanding of the fact that I'm not always going to get it right and then I'm trying to figure it out.
4) attention to detail, men love attention.
And when I found my girlfriend she gave me all those.
Sounds like a keeper! I hope you have many happy years together! ❤
Number 3, number 3 is a priority for me, when women fuck the relationship up, months later it hits them, then you're the bad one when you move on. Figure it out ahead of time ladies!
Marry her already dude! 😂
@@-darkangelic- we talked about it, but where we used to live caught fire so we had to move in with her dad so neither one of us have the money for our own place right now so we're kind of trying to figure it out and we don't even have a vehicle our vehicle shit the bed so what kind of just stuck in one place right now
I want 3 things in a woman. Fit, feminine, and friendly. Amazingly that rules out a huge percentage of women these days.
You are spot on. It’s heartening to hear a women that cares about men and understands. It can be very difficult. Thats how it is but an acknowledgment is appreciated. Take care!
Man dating has been completely ruined by social media. All the various aspects that are now considered normal are ruinous for actual meaningful connections with people. At this point if you meet someone that has an instagram etc. just move on. Social media ruins brains.
I completely agree with these 3 points. I just recently discovered Emily and I think she has the best advices/videos about dating that I have ever seen.
Totally agree on point two. My attraction to a woman is not based solely on her looks - it's the woman within I am interested in. Looks fade, or become part of the furniture, character is permanent and what you have to live with. If she's up herself, entitled and arrogant because she thinks she's God's gift to mankind, that's a real turn off from the get-go - regardless of her looks.
Item 3 I like the wording. I've noticed that myself but I hadn't been able to put it into words, and it kind of varies depending on the individual situation. Either I feel she's not interested, or maybe she has depression, maybe she's lacking social skills, maybe she just comes across as a little uninteresting or even dumb.
1 and 2 you just absolutely nailed. The second she makes it a competition she gets demoted to temporary or possibly done and I start looking elsewhere. I'd rather be alone and happy than chasing someone like that. Simply cannot invest or, at those presented odds, gamble.
My mother always used to say that "Looks will get the phone ringing off the hook, but they won't keep a conversation going." I'm long since happily married, but I can't count the number of times an attractive woman I dated ruined her attractiveness simply by being an empty vessel, devoid of an interesting interior life. You can date someone like that, but you sure can't spend a lifetime with them.
Wow, I don't know how you can be so spot on.
I've dropped women who seemed to not be as interested in me as I thought they should to find out later (too late for them) that they were interested.
Also I am not her sloppy seconds. If you rejected me, break up with your boyfriend and come around to date me, forget it!
You're right about my bro. I want him to date before I date, and he feels the same about me over the same girl. We will also not date the same woman after she dated one of us. It's just the way we are.
I'm now 40. I've had more women interested in me in the 7 years I've been married than in the entire 17 years or so before hand!
Maybe it is that I am now picking up more interest, since prior to my wife I honestly never believed anyone was interested, but I suspect the truth is nastier.
The double irony is that the more blatant the interest, the less I am interested in return, since any woman who would expect me to cheat on my wife, is not even worth my time as a friend.
Mate poaching is a thing with women.
Mate selection copying is common when women don't have a dad they are close with or other father figures to validate a man so she naturally uses other women's choices to ensure the safety of a mate.
It's the easy way to mate selection - if someone wants/has him, he must be good, so I want him. If no one is with him, he must be bad, so I don't want him.
The math isn’t working out.
@@elezraita I was 32 when I got married 7 years ago (I got married a month before my 33rd birthday).
The first time I became interested in an actual girl of my acquaintance; a female friend in fact, was when I was 16.
Though I started to realise I was heterosexual when I was around 13, the interest never became specific to any girls I actually knew.
That's where I got the "17 years", from.
1. agree
2. competition. age 14 I decided that I would not compete for a woman's attention.
3. rejection. I am a dancer. Made appointment to meet my female dentist at a night club for dancing, only. She was late and I had gone home. She related that she now knew what it was like to be a man. She had asked three men to dance and each one had refused.
4. description of most grounded woman I ever met. Her father was a scoutmaster and he vowed to remain until her three older male siblings made Eagle Scout. She went on every campout and saw the boys cry, fight, argue, succeed and fail. She had no illusions.
If you want a relationship with a man, go where they are (skip the hen parties), put yourself out to start a relationship and accept that you will receive some rejection. You should understand one biggest secrets in the world that women do not share. Yes, there are women who ask men out. . . "let's have a cup of coffee", "are you going to the dance this Friday, I will be there".
Many years ago, when I was on a dating app, I was messaging with a woman who seemed interesting and smart. At one point, she informed me that she'd narrowed her choices down to three men, and that, lucky for me, I'd made the cut! This was very off-putting to me, to say the least. This was around the holidays, and we were both busy, and hadn't had a chance to meet IRL. A couple of weeks later, she informed me that I'd been "cut" as I had not made the effort to meet her IRL, and she wasn't in this for penpal. I knew I'd dodged a bullet on that one. I wonder what happened to her...
She’s probably still on that app, telling three more men that they were “lucky” to have made the cut.
She owns 🐈
Any room she’s in isn’t big enough to fit both her ego and another person
I dated a woman for a month who was very controlling and rigged and would only allow simple pecks on the lips. When I got frustrated and asked her can we make out a little her reply was ‘You haven't earned it.” and she broke up with me. She was worse as a friend more than a date. I called that off .
Dont sweat it man. Sometimes guys are narrowing their options and making their own cuts too. She likely ended up with a guy doing the same to her. They deserve each other and what they get.
The competition thing hits home. In highschool when i got my programming award i went from being an unknown person to suddenly all the popular kids knew about me. They found out i hadn't even tried to date yet and suddenly that made me desirable somehow. Que the droves of popular girls randomly approaching me and being REALLY inappropriate and flirtatious. One girl was so bold she "dropped her pencil" and backed her ass right into my face in math class.
I ended up asking some friends in which i discovered none of the girls actually cared about me, the just wanted the title of being my first date. I was just gonna be another notch on their belt basically. I resisted the advances, and tried to report math girl in which i was laughed away by the teacher who insisted i should enjoy that kind of thing and after a couple months they all got collectively mad and decided to just smear my name and reputation saying crap like i was gay and stuff like that. After half a year it calmed down entirely, but yeah girls competing with each other is the WORST thing for a man.
It’s human nature to see others as we are and not necessarily how the person is we see. I’m middle aged and single. I’ve had women try to impress/lure me by how much money they make. I could care less about how much money my significant other has. I just want to be loved, honored and respected.
Accordinly every man knows: her money will allways be HER money for HER allone! ^^
Had a woman tell me once she could have any man she wants, I said yes any man except me.
In my dating experience, when I was looking to graduate a relationship to create 'family', I had some options that were 'pretty but problematic' and ultimately chose 'attractive enough but much less problematic'. I left a relationship for a less attractive lady as she was a better 'fit' and what I considered a better 'long term' value exchange (better for my kid, better for my sanity, less baggage and less body count). When men get 'serious', we get very picky about 'who you are' and less superficial about 'how you look today' (which we know will change with time and you can't hold onto that).
Note: I don't think ladies know when a man has become serious about starting a family even if he says it (aka: instead of 'all relationships' potentially could have a serious ending). A man prepares himself to support a family and it may be years before he's confident he can take it on. All those other years are 'looking' but not 'buying' (he's not financially prepared to be serious so he won't... hopefully... lead a lady on like that). Ironically, I think it's probably the same for a man in his 40's or 50's (he doesn't 'need' to afford it.... may have already afforded it and completed that part of his life... so hopefully... he's not leading any ladies on like that either)
#truth
Great comment and underrated. This was my attitude from the start. I never wanted to waste time and energy with the drama of playing the field.
Wow you really understand the way men think. This is really impressive. Youre like the dude whisperer.
I remember back in high school, I was interested in that girl, not in a sexual way, but I liked her personality, where she came from, and things that I heard she was interested in. so I wanted to know her. Still, it was so hard to make conversation, not as in I didn't have anything to talk to, as in she didn't respond appropriately or answer some of my questions. She never initiated a conversation. I thought it would take some time to get out of her shell, but after 4-5 months, I felt I was bothering her, and it was like a one-sided interest; maybe she had too many friends, so I stopped approaching.
That was my last conversation with her, but this experience always reminds me to spend time with people who are interested in you as much as you are interested in them, not only your partner but your friends too.
Exactly brother. I’m in second year uni : and this girl who is exactly my type look wise but not really personality but I tried to get myself out there and being myself. But whenever I talked to her, I felt nothing. I have mever spoken to a person where I can’t be myself which made me so uncomfortable. Plus I would ask her out lots of time and replied with I’m busy or sorry I responded late etc. never asked me out even as friends. So I removed her from my snap list whatever. Don’t need to talk to her about it. If I see her I will just say hi and bye.
So Yh I will only be with people who like me for me
Truth. Thank you. This stuff makes my skin crawl 😔
I really like these videos, it's nice to see an educated, well-spoken woman bringing attention to these issues and showing a point of view that other women might not realize. I see a lot of guys in the comments all the time and I really do hope that the women that see these videos don't just dismiss them as BS and take some of this to heart, because almost all of it is good information when it comes to interacting with a decent man.
Some women are seeing the cultural decline and have decided to do something about it. Kudos to Emily.
I agree but I found she waffled on to much and zoned out for most of the video. Could have broken it down into 3 very simple explanations rather then all the excess spell.
@@anthonyfrost8925
After all she’s missing the Y-gen 😂
Many words are a build-in feature and as long as they are in a complicated way telling non-bs, I fine.
It is so eerie to hear you describe the exact things my ex-gf used to pull on me by trying to make me jealous of all the guys she could replace me with at the snap of her fingers, and how she thought becoming involved with a newlywedded man was alright because she was "better" than his wife. I wish these types of videos had been available when I was young. I could have saved myself from so many messed up situations.
I think you're spot on, Emily. Too many women seem to think that they just have to sit back and be princesses and put nothing into even the start of any interactions. The princess mentality seems to continue to their very dismissive nature, often based on extremely superficial factors. Interactions are too often limited to superficial discussions and need to be driven by the man, because the is the constant distraction of interacting with others via social media. So it's all too easy for a man to get disillusioned and move on.
You hit the nail on head . they say hi smile. You smile talk to them . they just look at you. And say one liners pull teeth just for conversation. You ask her name. Its like you ask for kidney. Or birth right just saying
I refuse to talk to woman who just gives one or two answers and have no hobbies or interests of their own. Don't waste my time.
One-sided shallow conversation that do not connect deeper or i do not see any signs of initiative, i often stop because it's very burdensome to carry on.
As Lauren says, I’d be thrilled with a plain, part-time waitress at a diner if she were happy and kind.
I've heard the "roster" thing a few times...for me, it's a 10,000% turnoff..
I recognize it's ALWAYS it's a manipulation...
& I refuse to be a "validation well"
Bye, bye...
Very early in dating I experienced the "being kept on the shelf" relationship. After second time, never allowed it again. Not proud it took two times to learn my lesson.
You can't take a woman seriously if she's entertaining eskimo brothers.
Like this one because it feels like you are talking to us one on one without you behind your phone. I get it that this is your trademark thing, but you seemed more relaxed at what you are so good at. Your wisdom and perspective is so much needed and appreciated. Shine on girl!!!
Women, especially teens and early 20’s focus almost entirely on their physical beauty at the expense of their personality.
Ladies think of it like shoes. Have you ever seen the most gorgeous pair of heels then tried them on and they were the most painful irritating things to wear? But then there’s a set of crocs that are ugly as heck but you will happily wear them every chance you get? Either extreme can be bad. Men want a woman that’s attractive sure! But we value comfort over everything else. Just look at how we dress! We have to train ourselves to think about style and beauty.
If you want to land a good husband be as beautiful as you can reasonably be, but remember we value that comfort WAYY more than the looks.
You nailed it dead on. A 10/10 in looks would only get your foot in the door. After a few dates or months, they will show their true colors, aka red flags. But if you’re attracted to a 5/10, there’s no problem with that. Physical attraction obviously matters to everyone. But if you can be attracted to someone lesser in looks, I’d say it speaks higher for you since a lot of women are only looking for the top 10%.
I had a girl friend who told me that she had to decide between me and another man. I said, let me make it easy for you, go with him.
Thank You!
After lot of years, lot of effort, lot of disappointment - I would choose inner beauty rather than outside look.
Beauty is in the eye of beholder.
Thankful that I've never been the kind of woman who even WANTED a roster, much less had one! I had no intention of seeking another relationship, for over a year after getting away from the ex. After escaping, I finally began to understand that I was WORTH the effort to get healthy & feel beautiful in my own skin! So, yes, I have worked on my outer beauty, but it's because of the healing on the inside! And I'm all about making the men in my life feel appreciated! I'm blessed to have them, and I want them to know!!! ❤ (My dad especially, but also a "friend" I'm in a budding relationship with. 😊) Whew! No, not special.... just thankful I'm (hopefully) doing it right, so that I can enjoy a HEALTHY relationship this time! ❤️🙏🏼
I still remember hearing about how the popular girls in high school literally had a roster for the guys they liked and were dating, and as society became more easy and comfortable about sex, you know what that means. Tinder has only modernized and expedited the process.
What's is often lacking is the last part you mentioned: to have a conversation where the woman understands who the man is as a person. Too frequently I avoid conversations because my words, even carefully though out, will lead down a rabbit hole. The women I've had some experience with don't seem to understand what I really saying maybe because they lose the context from which I'm speaking. Ex: "I need some advanced notice on new expenses,"...response: "Oh, so it's my fault again?", or "That's only because you never listen", or "Are you the only one who needs to worry about expenses?". Women, in my experience, tend to be more concerned with defending themselves (or competing) than listening and problem solving as a team.
I personally would rather solve the problems. I don’t want drama and contention.
I don’t want to compete with other women. I don’t want to compete with air brushed photos.
I’m shocked and appalled by the behavior of many women.
I remember one girl I had sat next to every night during a 6 week course on Thursday evenings - we were friendly - I had expressed interest in her - she told me she had a boyfriend - on the last night a muscley guy sat next to her on the other side and started repeatedly slapping his thighs to attract her attention - she responded with the body language of interest, stroking her hair, and stroking her leg beside his, etc.
There was a last night celebration in a different location where I knew the other guy was gonna turn up - I drove the girl in my car, and told her I wasn't feeling well (the truth) so wouldn't go, I'd just drop her off at the party - she immediately hotly started shouting 'why do you GIVE UP so easily !!!' She wanted me to compete - I walked away - she WASN'T happy about that. Meh.
If you must compete, or fight for her at all, then you already have your answer.
L👀k elsewhere.
Is this some kind of a joke? Of course YOU are NOT going to compete for HER. Maybe this is hind sight on your part, and I am not attacking you man. What I am attempting to communicate is this female came off with this attitude of 'Why are you not gratifying my ego needs? You are weak and flawed somehow for not giving me what I want on my terms, and allowing me to be the ringmaster and have you jump through the hoops I set up. It's your fault and your problem that I can't control and manipulate the situation, placing myself in some artificially constructed competition where you play the fool for my amusement.' Vain, arrogant and haughty. Just the kind of female every man dreams about.
Absolutely right. We tell Women this, but they don't want to believe us sometimes ( well, the knuckleheads don't). Hope they listen to you for their own sake, I'm done trying to explain much of anything to these grown women. Bless you for your efforts.
I dated this girl who mentioned who ex several times and once comparing him to me, this immediately ended my interest in her. I ended that evening then never called her back. There are plenty of other fish in the sea I only want one who wants me over others, can’t speak for all men but I can for me and the guys I know….ladies there is always someone else out there and YOU ARE NOT THE ULTIMATE PRIZE. The fact that you are doing this tells me that you will always be open to what you think is a better option so leaves me questioning your commitment to me.
To your second point; yes we will drop a few points for no drama, enjoyable fun woman so its spot on. A woman’s beauty rating factors in their personality not just their looks. Not to mention a woman who look like they spent an hour getting ready to go out drop several points.
Right on, Emily. Regarding number 2 I can't believe now how strongly I dove into self-help after the breakup of my first marriage. Yes, I lost weight and became more fit but most of the effort was to figure out who I was and how can I could be better. After about two years I achieved a level of peace and understanding. After that I met a woman and eventually married again and we are just reaching 35 years together.
As a man I am glad to be here. Hoping to understand a little more of what the other side thinks and feels.Thanks so much for your page
Now, I am different than the typical male, I guess. When I was eligible and dating (not many dates) I of course had to have had an initial attraction or at least that she showed some interest in me. Then it was about her values, personalty, honesty, assessed in the first or second date. My wife, was getting a divorce when we were dating, and I did ask her early on if she thought she would go back to him, she indicated mostly no but not sure. She never put that out as something I would be competing against. Had she done that, I would have just not asked for another date, I am not into competing much. In any case, it now has been 49 years on since our marriage. Love her more every day.
So true! When I was dating my wife another woman in our social group tried to pry me away by talking big about all her other relationships. It was the biggest turn-off ever!
This video is absolutely spot on! As a 61 year old bachelor who has worked hard on my life with assets, military retirement, height fitness, on point dressing and travel quite a lot, I would never date a “10” who has a shallow personality or is terrible with other people! I am dating women half my age now and good attributes are very important and less on looks! 👍
There can never be a10 out of 10 with a bad personality.
I always thought of it as a 5/5 for the looks and the soul.
So she's a pretty girl, so a 4/5. But she's got a chip on her shoulder and a bad attitude towards life, so a 0/5. So she's a 4/10 and a hard pass.
Dead wrong, a 10/10 is usually high maintenance.
@@mac11380 You are contradicting yourself. By the very definition of " high maintenance," She can't be a 10/10.
I've known high maintenance and they are demanding and insufferable, which is by definition, bad personality. No amount of looks can overcome that.
@@stevensawyer5924 The 10 out of 10 was about her looks, nothing else, a 10 out of 10 looks wise can be the most horrible person you have ever met. The rating had nothing to do with her personality. 9:58
Fully agree here.. Glad I am not he only one with that view.
I really enjoy hearing a sensible person exposing common nonsense, even if it has no bearing on my life. And you're right on.
When I was finally divorced from my ex after 22 years (19years at separation) I went into depression first, then did a lot of soul searching about what happened and why. I came to two conclusions. 1) I had lost who I was before the marriage, and wanted to get it back. So I started practicing things that I enjoyed that made me the person I was. 2) I realized looking back at my life from my teens, I hadn't been given a fair education on Women/Sex, and What Love was. So I spent 5-6 years exploring those things.
I soon learned that Women didn't value any of this. The amount of rejection was phenomenal. This was in the late 90's early 2000's... I was quickly learning MGTOW without calling it that. Women were like cocaine addicts. I quickly learned to avoid them except as far as just casual low level interactions, even at work. When I retired in 2005 due to ill health, I just stayed away from women. The effort was no longer worth it. Life has been pleasant and while I now live alone, I am not lonely. Even without pets.
That’s the spirit! Men who realize they don’t really want or need women should just stop pursuing them. Then they’ll be happier and better off. AND so will the men who still crave female companionship-because then there will be more women left available for THEM to have a chance with!
I got caught in the situation where she was trading up with me from her first marriage which she described as mentally abusive.She had a child under three who was a great little kid.
We lived together and we got engaged and she moved into my home and she went back to finish her college degree.
I`m so glad we didn`t want to get married right away because she traded up again. I don`t fault her that much because she did trade up, a lot.
What hurt the most was I got attached to her kid who was just under five and he bonded with me.
That turned out to be the worse part of it all having no parental rights.
Would I or will I ever get serious with another women with kids?I don`t think so, because of that bitter experience.
You're 100% right. We don't want a woman who flirts also with other men and shows us she has options. Well. we might be ok with that, if it's about just sex, like a competition who is a better hunter. But if we want a long term relationship. loyalty and trust are the key. If she keeps other men around, how can I trust her? Improving her looks. It depends, If it's about better shape and physical condition, it's a nice extra. But it's about a dress showing more body, more make up, fake nails (I hate that), there is nothing to be attracted to. On the contrary. And the last one. No reciprocation. Women's logic, try harder, if you want to get me. Men's logic (if they're not in love because emotions might cloud judgement), if she doesn't reciprocate, she's not interested in me so I can't build a long term relationship with her.
What’s the best way to reciprocate?
What does that look like for someone who doesn’t have sex outside of marriage?
Thanks for always giving nice even headed opinions on relevant topics. I dont know how you keep this up so long!!
Is excellent commentary Emily 😊 I know your followers are probably mostly men but I wish more women would watch and learn from your thoughts and ideas because they are extremely accurate I show no interest in women who think it's a competition That you have to win Tens rarely have a decent personality And social media has destroyed women's perception of what they should be looking for in a good man Thank you again Emily 😊
Right!
3. Instead of having a reason to get jealous, I have a reason to get away. If she can't get over her ex, she becomes an ex.
2. I agree. It's interesting that women say men are shallow and are only into a woman's appearance, yet that's all they seem to work on to improve themselves. I'll take a three with an eight personality over an eight with a three personality any day of the week.
1. I blame the system. It's better to be alone than with a woman who doesn't get it. Reciprocation is as important as affection. There are sex dolls out there that seem to understand this more than many women.
Love that last part. Dating right now almost feels like a job hunt right now. I work on my profile or resume in hopes that I can make it to the interview and maybe that interview will get me an internship. Meanwhile I'm competing against other guys for the same "job". It's exhausting
Never chase a woman.
If she's making you chase her it's a game and you'll never be able to stop chasing her for that dynamic to stop.
Ladies NEVER tell your guy you have tons of other male prospects. If you are living with him he is going to be leaving....soon.
For you just told him you are moving on.
If somebody I'm chasing tells me she has options, what I hear is, "I'm not interested, you're just one of many." At that point, I stop chasing - she's just given me what seems like a very, very clear message.
A lot of this is right on Emily.
2 of my things in the dating apps are...
Women hardly have to put any effort into finding matches, so if they dont even fill their bio's out with details about themselves, I assume they just want to be picked solely based on their physical appearance and nothing else and I'm already not interested. Im interested in some personality and hopefully some common interests.
Then when I do match with a woman, if I have to drive the conversation in the beginning for the first 3 messages in a row and she puts no effort into having a two way conversation... I just unmatch and dont waste my time. My thought process is, they already get 20 to 30 times more matches than men, if I have to force it right from the beginning then I'm not interested in an uphill battle for someone I've never even met before.
Emily, with you out there it just tells me that good women that understand still exist...up till now I wasn't so sure...
Thanks...
Yes, but they’re drops in the ocean. 😢
Another excellent discussion, and accurate from my experience as a man.
Putting in effort is the biggest thing I agree with. At this moment I'm burnt out on just having a conversation because of the lack of effort. It could just be my luck, but every initial conversation I have with getting to know someone ends up feeling like pulling teeth. Responses that lead nowhere or vague answers followed up with "and you" to every question isn't effort into a conversation. That's what I've been dealing with the dating world.
Emily, you are correct again about personaliy over looks. I am now old enough that I can pass on a 9+ woman because I know the troubles that come with her. A modest appearance and uplifting supportive personality is a winner for me.
I'm amazed by how well you understand us men.
Yes, I'm looking for emotional connection over pretty looks.
Yes, if a woman is dating or flirting other men, I loose interest.
Being that guy who deflected compliments all the time, disliked the number scaling system applied or used on others for statements of attractiveness, and genuinely believed they didn't have a so called type. Only to go through basically two quietly but intensely painful break-up years apart and re-assesing ask this and deciding to ride the self improvement monorail as I call it now. It's clear I have had and do have alot to Alecia about myself, was right not to rate others so flippantly as some will, and do have a preferential type desire being open to be with seemingly anyone just as I believed. Your videos Emily encouraged the self respect and confidence it's taken to reach and stand by these realizations, so thank you. Sorry for the wandering rant though 😅
My evaluation of a woman, or a guy, is I like them or I don't, I'd like to spend time with them, or I don't want to be around them numbers, numbers don't count. Core values, attitude and comparability with my values means way more than your physical appearance to me. Trust me, I am getting close to 80 years old and it is a hard truth that what you look like at age 20, 30 or 40 is nothing like you are going to look like when you get to be 60 + years old. I firmly believe that if you choose a mate based on looks, or status, of 10, the odds are against a good relationship: looks will change and fortunes have been lost by an uncountable number of people (through no fault of their own). I am absolutely old enough to be your father, likely even old enough to be your grandfather and I would (if required to) rate you (Emily) a 9, maybe even a 10 if I knew you better) based on the thoughts/feelings that I have seen in your videos. This has been a long round about way to say: Ladies, if you want a guy to bring value and meaning to your life, don't try to be a physical 10, tend to your core values and personality. Men, core values and compatibility mean way more than looks for a life-time mate, those looks will not be the same after a period of time. PS: I was married to my wife for almost 50 years before my wife passed. No disrespect intended, looking back, I would say she was a 6 possibly a 7 (by looks) when we got married. A good relationship and/or marriage is not a one way street; both sides have to get and give for it to be successful.