Harvard psychiatrist on happiness: Positive vs. toxic relationships | Robert Waldinger
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 มิ.ย. 2024
- Let our sponsor BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you - all from the comfort of your own home. Visit betterhelp.com/bigthink and enjoy a special discount on your first month.
Harvard has conducted an 85-year-long study on what makes humans happy. Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger explains what they found.
Subscribe to Big Think on TH-cam ► / @bigthink
Up next, Master your anxiety. Unleash your genius ► • Master your anxiety. U...
What is the one thing that, according to science, will make our lives richer and vastly more fulfilling? This 85-year continuing longitudinal study from Harvard says the answer is relationships.
Dr. Robert Waldinger is the current director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running research on adult life. Tracking over 2,000 lives since 1938, Waldinger and his team have dissected the fabric of well-being, finding that wealth and achievements fall short compared to the power of our connections with other people.
Over the eight decades since the study began, scientists have determined that loneliness and isolation can have negative effects on our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Key findings of this study suggest that nurturing relationships may serve as our best source of fulfillment, emphasizing the need for "social fitness" alongside mental and physical health.
According to Waldinger, it’s time to invest in the bonds that matter, which, ultimately, is an investment in yourself.
0:00 The single-most important life choice
1:06 Harvard’s longest study on happiness
4:08 3 key relationship lessons
6:45 Chronic stress & loneliness
8:27 Toxic relationships
10:10 “Social fitness”
11:45 The chart: Map your social universe
13:36 The good life
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Go Deeper with Big Think:
►Become a Big Think Member
Get exclusive access to full interviews, early access to new releases, Big Think merch and more. members.bigthink.com/?...
►Get Big Think+ for Business
Guide, inspire and accelerate leaders at all levels of your company with the biggest minds in business. bigthink.com/plus/great-leade...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About Robert Waldinger:
Robert Waldinger, MD is a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, a practicing psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and a Zen teacher and practitioner.
For the last two decades, Waldinger has been the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. This study, conducted over more than 85 years, has analyzed the entire lives of 724 families to determine the activities, behaviors, and dynamics that enhance a person’s life-long well-being. Waldinger has dedicated his career to examining these elements and discovering what brings true fulfillment to human existence.
He is the author of several books, including his most recent, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness.
what blew my mind was that niether money nor status, its people and connections are emotional regulators and maintaining relationships mindfully is something that's so underrated
Money may play a part in it, since social fitness may be related to free time.
But it's still better to cry in mercedes than in metro, innit
The happiest people I know are the most generous and I mean truly generous without strings or expectations of recognition. To the contrary the unhappiest people I know are the most selfish. Happiness in the simplest terms is the byproduct of always trying to the next right thing. I wasn’t as naturally generous as I thought I was. I had to get honest with myself before I could change. I started meditating on it everyday to change the chemistry in my brain and over the next weeks, months and years got much better at being naturally generous and as a byproduct a very happy person 98% of the time. I’m still not naturally as generous as my wife and others I’ve used to model my behavior, but I’m far better than I was and I’m much more aware when I’m not to make corrective actions. If I’m being 100% honest my happiness has been a great motivation for me. “TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE”
What kind of meditation are you practizing?
@@ilsedemolder3973 I have ADHD and it’s impossible for me to quiet my mind like most meditation ask you to do, like imagine being on a sunlight beach or mountain top. I often meditate in the shower to drown out any ambient noise. I’m not religious at all, but I memorized the St. Francis pray and a couple others and try to think about the deeper meaning of each sentence and paragraph. I believe over time I’ve changed the chemistry and wiring in my brain, however, it’s been progress, not perfection for me. I notice when I start my day with pray and meditation I’m a lot less likely to be an asshole. I grew up in a very religious family, but became an atheist at a young age after studying anthropology and evolution and now consider my self an agnostic. I try to not waste my life being unhappy because odds are there’s no after life, but maybe I’m wrong.
Sorry if this wasn’t the type of answer you were looking for, but I have to be honest.
Meditation changes you and it makes you see that you are strongly connected to other beings and in a way a part of them.
@@ilsedemolder3973 I responded to your question, but I don’t see it now. I’m wondering if you see it, I’ve had this happen to me several times on TH-cam. If not I’ll try responding again.
This is one of the best comments I've seen on TH-cam in a long time. Thank you for your time and effort into making this world a better place!
Also, let's not forget that there are many ways to "give". We are quick to point out mistakes that are made, but very few people will thank or reward someone for simply doing a good job. Focusing on things done right over things done wrong could have a very positive impact on society.
A toxic relationship can occur when one person is seeking connection and understanding while the other feels threatened and uncomfortable with said wants. The latter then causes drama to deflect the topic and destroys the relationship…. I didn’t knew I was in a toxic marriage until I realized I don’t argue with friends and family, only my husband, and that’s because HE brought constant drama into our lives. I’ve grown indifferent towards him and have learned to reprioritize myself and my children.
There are people who don't know how to deal with the "emotional work" of being responsive to another person, as if relationships were only about their own benefit and needs
My ex would feel threatened by every thing I say😢
Our “Success and Consumer” culture teaches us to pursue things we want often neglecting the things we need.
I don't think Humans aren't meant to be happy ALL the time. Life is more than just one emotion. For some reason we're being told we NEED the happiness switch flipped to the on position permanently, or else there's something 'wrong' with us and we need to be 'fixed'. From my experiences, I see people being taught to avoid certain emotions. Rather then be taught how to properly deal with these feelings, They're encouraged to lash out at the world that made them feel something other than overwhelming joy. To the detriment to the person who never learned healthy coping methods and mostly to those enabling the behavior.
You just nailed it buddy🎉
Who's telling us we need to be happy 100% of the time? I think that's a misconception many people who think that way form on their own, merely due to the discomfort of being unhappy or dissatisfied.
You clearly didn’t understand the message in the video. He clearly says that you can be “socially fit”, which is equivalent to “getting enough exercise”. Do you think humans are not meant to be physically fit? It’s the same thing. He’s not saying that humans should have one emotion lol
The only way someone could be happy in this cruel and backwards society is if they are purposefully keeping themselves oblivious and ignorant to the atrocities happening daily all over the world.
@@joeseabreezeHE is not saying that in this lovely video. But many people seriously are. I’ve been fed this “You shouldn’t feel that way” since early childhood. He even mentions this towards the end of the video. Only one example of many is how so many people expect others who have had a spouse or even child die to “move on” within a very short time. Even saying to them things such as “It’s been (x amount of time) now. You should be over this by now”. Sometimes the amount of time is absurd, being months or even only weeks. This was a truly lovely video that I wish all of the people who try to “fix” others could watch. AND comprehend. Btw, I was able to experience happiness again myself after stepping away from such people.
8:00 It is mind-blowing that this is only getting more of a spotlight in recent years. I have read Van der Kolk, Gabor Maté and now Rober Waldinger and I love that they are making sure this kind of knowledge is much more accessible than it used to be.
It has helped me immensely make informed decisions about how my environment (natural and social) and my habits affect my overall health and how to observe them and make the appropriate changes to be healthier overall.
this, precisely! same for me! thank goodness!! i love this stuff, it makes so much sense.
I guess picking three people and having only one not a grifter is good?
Thanks to this professor, I have been lonely for a long time. Every night, when I want to fall asleep, I can feel the overwhelming loneliness in my mind. It's almost killed me sometimes. After watching this video, I learned a lot about relationships. I had thought about those things you just mentioned but never made it appear in my clear cognition. But now I know it is important.
You feel it your mind?
isnt that pecuilar. I feel it in my upper chest inner cavity. It feels like a fist sized black hole with a slow, powerful suction that is unsuccessfully trying to draw something meaningful into itself. Mixed with the frustration of never being satisfied.
but you feel it i you mind.
Same 💔 But a while back I joined Meetup and found lots of online groups via zoom which has helped a lot. Hang in there 🙏 You're def not alone
@jlockwood65 dam I understand that sensation
Yes, connection and community is vital. Sometimes our soul has been crushed by those closest to us. Finding the right people to love, care and help you heal is hard given being so hurt, but don’t give up because you are worth being loved and giving love. Peace.
This was so comforting. This man says things that everyone should hear.
Life-changing study. When Harvard released the results back in 2016 I’ve been sharing the message to everyone. Especially young adults.
Growth mindset, open mindedness, mental flexibility, reaching into levels of reality and being able to accept experimental results and logic contrary to ones current beliefs and understanding and being able to express that information to others so that it influences them so that you can strengthen your relationship with them and reality is what lays at the foundation of happiness.
Support Systems
When you're in fight or flight or survival mode. You don't think about being happy. It's not essential for survival. And we are constantly suppressing anger and emotions and repressing negative thoughts. It's exhausting and frustrating (unresolved conflict). What happens when you don't fight or flight? You fawn or freeze.
Childhood abuse and chronic bullying in childhood put me in chronic fawn mode. It's harder to bully someone who is super nice and sweet, and making family happy keeps the abuse to a minimum.
I'm almost 43. I hate it. But it's been so long that my body and brain auto-reacts this way out of fear, and it is always immediately after the interaction that I catch it.
But I also live in a state that is deeply one political party where I am another (or at least vote that way since I would technically be a third party). And people I know who belong to the in charge party have threatened people in my party to my face, not knowing I was in the party they were threatening. And the party who threatened also favor guns. The people saying people like me should be dead or run out of the country have guns. Many. They bragged.
So yeah. It is for survival. And being still surrounded by threats, how would I ever get out of survival mode?
I fear I never will.
@@TrannyWillis so polarizing. Free floating anxiety everywhere. And we transfer it all into eachother. Project it onto one another. It all just adds to oir personal stress. And nervous system
@@TrannyWillis there are ways to cope with the stress as it comes. I am neurotic so I don't let things go easy and they easily get on my nerves. I have very a sensitive ego. Learning ways to down regulate the nervous system. Head massages. Even rubbing your ears can help down regualte.
You can be a happy person even living in below poverty line. Happiness is in simple things if you appreciate what you have in life, for example, you have 2 arms and 2 legs yes? You could walk to places yes? Would you prefer living in a war torn country where civil wars still exist in our modern world? All humans are born with emptiness but then over lifetime, they fill with parent's love, friendship, material obsession, .etc.. Then return to the origin state of emptiness. It's just cycle of life. You need to define what you value and what you is you. There are always a bright side of everything in life and learning experiences. When you adjust your negative mindset to a positive attitude then you will not living your life as fight or flight mode. Yes, survival is also a good thing too like most of us. Anger and emotions in general are part our natural human experiences. You accept them as what they are. They come and go like ocean waves. What important is that you aware of them and adjust those emotions to become positive and let those emotions motivate you to become a optimistic person. If you live your life against nature and against your emotions, then all you face obstacles. Hope you find your inner calmness and good reasons to continue living your life in happiness.
Best 15 mins I’ve spent on TH-cam today.
People chase happiness like if it was a value or state of being. You'll never get there and stay there if thats what you think. The honest truth is that our brains still havent evolved out of the fight or flight era that kept them alive back in the day. Meaning to say, emotions are influenced by our environment, they are something you feel, and they are also driven by ACTION. Therefore, you cannot feel something that you never take action towards. You cannot feel motivated for something unless you start doing that thing you've been postponing. You cannot feel happy unless you start doing something that makes you smile and laugh, or break a sweat. The action precedes the emotion.
What is happiness if not a state of being? Is it not possible to sit in a quiet empty room and start feeling angry? Is it possible for someone to feel love for you if they have never met you or done anything for you? If you feel like your emotions are dictated by your environment or circumstances you will never achieve true emotional wellbeing. Your emotions stem from your attitude to the current situation, which is in your power to change before taking any external action, not from the situation itself.
Happiness is the byproduct of always trying to do next right thing. However, I read in a book many years ago that “ACTION CURES FEAR” and I found that was true for me and fortunately I honestly can’t remember the last time I experienced fear.
Happiness, or joy, is a form of love, namely love for the present moment/situation. Love is also the antidote to fear, a mother would jump into the lions den to save her child without a second thought, without fear, because her actions are motivated by love. I’m not saying external action can’t be useful to bring about positive change in one’s life, I am saying that it’s the intentions behind the actions that matter and if you aren’t acting from a place of love you are limiting your happiness and remaining susceptible to fear and worry. Peace
This guy himself exudes happiness :)
Better Help doesn't accept insurance. How is that better?
The FTC also discovered that they shared personal information of millions of users, millions!, with Facebook Snapchat, Pinterest, and more. They're just harvesting data.
Do face to face. Better Help is trash
@@robertamirtha4242What tf...no who the heck are you to give such a fatalistic view of something you have obviously never experienced.
Boy, please. Nothing you stated as facts is true. Nothing.
Have you had any life experience yet? because you use words like many and does not.
You are absolutely uneducated and close minded and I recommend people stay away from you while you are spewing advice about therapy.
Good Day & Godspeed
ibtymt
Better help will sell all of your information too, is what I hear from critics. I think you are better off without them.
In America most every tech company sells your data. Some states like California do have protection laws like CCPA, but they are limited.
Sometimes having someone to talk to makes everything worse. There are people who thrive in your misery. Occasionally they are your family and friends.
Rewatch starting at 11:46
Great information. The type of thing I wish I had known more about when I was younger.
Now at 57 I find myself alone, even though I have five children. I'm an extrovert, a bumblebee that thrives in a hive.
It would be awesome if this video came with a link to how to kickstart your social life in a healthy way.
4:45 So that's why I used to always feel like the world was against me. I grew up with childhood emotional neglect, something I learned rather late in life.
Yes that's a tough one
CPTSD trauma therapy and attachment theory work is helpful imo
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when i was 17. This was after I got it in my head that i needed to go. I needed to get out of my life and find a new one. I completely stopped sleeping for days and forgot what it felt like to feel tired.
I took my car and just drove. I left south Carolina and ended up in Agusta Georgia. I crashed into this psychotic state of depression. I couldn't even speak, talking caused me so much pain i had to stop. Luckily i had $$ from a work related accident because without it id have been fuuuucked lol. I left GA, and headed home where i locked myself in my bedroom and cut the world off.
I couldn't stand the sun, daylight was so painful to me. My twin brother had our friends over everyday and i would sit there in the same chair, trapped inside my mind. The world around me died it seemed, I COULDN'T interact with anyone. It was like i was pulled inside of myself and the day looked like a blur. At night i would start to feel this little relief. Like because everyone going to sleep and leaving me alone was 10 tons of weight lifted off my shoulders. So, I would stay up all night long. Time suddenly started to pass so fast. So fucking fast, i couldn't believe it when i would look at the clock and see that the sunrise would be any min.
Eventually i stopped sleeping again. The took off aaaagain. This time i ended up in Pennsylvania. I can still remember it. I saw this snowy town off the side of a mountain. I completely fell in love with it. I thought it was fait. That id found what i was looking for. Only i didn't realize my mom had become VERY worried about me, and there was a missing person report out for me. This lead to me going home. To shorten up the story, i was originally arrested for being completely out of my mind. The cops probably saved my life from hypothermia. After it was discovered that i wasnt on drugs and was missing, my mom came up with my brother and took me and my car home. Still no hospitalization tho. But that came soon after. Either way. Im a single father of two kids these days. I very regularly still get glimpses of that sadness i used to feel back then. I still hate the sunlight and love cold snowy days. I even moved up north east to Central NY. But after a very long and very hard battle with bipolar, i was able to find a sense of peacefulness. Ive accepted my lot in life. I embrace all facets of myself and my moods no longer swing so extreme. If i feel depression setting in, i will write. Turning that ugly feeling into beauty. Mania tho, i need to watch that one. If i find myself energetic at 3am i will take one of my antipsychotics and go to bed. There is always a saddness though, but it is a part of me and i even like it now.
THANK YOU.. it feels like these are the words that we need to describe certain behavior patterns, not necessarily such overly-clinicalized, hierarchical, meritocratic language that frames mainstream institutions.
wow happiness are actually near to us and easy to get. Be with right people can make your life much more better.
That being said, there are so many free support groups and ways to connect ❤with safe others who have common interests and life experiences 🙌
A good life requires a baseline of self-love. If you truly love who you are, you can cope with life's challenges without ever being broken. Get yourself away from situations that cause you harm, then learn to love being alive. Cherish the time you have in this place, work just enough to acquire the necessities, and strive to become a better human. Everything else will eventually fall in place.
Great video! that chart though at 12:37 can be easily misused. People might be going through a depleting period or may just need the right boost, and if too many people over-apply this principle of rejecting people who are depleting, it can create unhealthy situations or egotistical behavior. Sometimes people also can't tell the difference in themselves between energizing and addicting, thinking of social media for example. People should certainly be around others who energize them but there are so many other aspects to building and continuing relationships that matter.
I like how he refers to introverts as shy people
Shyness and introversion are not the same thing. (At 13:00)
I really needed this. Thank you.
Great stuff! Thanks very much.
Good video, BT. Support systems are needed. The quality of relationships does matter. I loved how the presenter tell about good relationships are emotional regulators.
I really need to see/hear this. Thank you.
This is great! Thank you for sharing
Happiest people are: those who inspect and remove what causes suffering.. not what causes happiness! paradoxical but true ...connection is base state ..not to be chased
Okay can you please explain how I remove my risk of cancer recurrence 🙏
In studies of human happiness, is there a bias in selecting individuals who participate in social contracts such as marriage, organized religion, military service, and employment within a company, thereby potentially skewing the results suggesting that human connection leads to happiness? I'd love to hear Robert Waldinger perspective on this.
I was thinking the same thing
Also diffirent countries and cultures
just imagine what it would be like if they included neurodivergent people...
Include disabled, homeless, and NEETs too. Get a full spectrum sample of humans
Meritocracy and survivorship bias.
So true! Thank you for those 15mn of wisdom!
Great video! I love people that make me think
Thank you.
Unfortunately, good friendships and romantic relationships can help repair a poor childhood, but when you are raised badly and go into the world with negative behaviors, expectations, and poor role models, your chance of having positive relationships on all levels is severely compromised and ends up just causing more problems with people............creating more negativity
This is so good, and it is unfortunate there are so many ads!
this video made my day, I'm normal then, and happy about it.
This is excellent, so very helpful
🇺🇸 Loved it. Sharing with friends and family. I was already thinking that way regarding happiness, but the way you explained it is simply “crystal clear” and in a manner that I can talk about it with other petiole. Thanks!!! ❤
learning to live w toxic ones and dont let them affect my life
Ive been doing the same...but its so hard =S
This is a beautiful video
Thanks!
Thanks ~
Thank you a lot
Excellent video.
Sin duda uno de los grandes canales de TH-cam. Simplemente gracias!
To me this just seemed like obvious stuff that just reminded me of my unhappiness
I don't think people realize how much of a privilege it is to have healthy positive relationships. It's not something you are really in control of. Even if you do have some positive connections here and there, it doesn't mean you will actually have the opportunity to spend time with them. And it's all significantly harder when you are marginalized and society doesn't treat you like you are valuable. No wonder marginalized people die young
nice , thanks 🙏
Very interesting video - i thoroughly enjoyed it!
People do not make me happy. I am around people every day, and they annoy me. Im happiest in solitude. I make my own happiness.
Yeah... just remember that correlation is not causation ok?
Not only does relationships make people happy, happy people are more likely to have relationships.
Just do your best and don't feel like everything is on you to make things better.
Relationship makes reality.
Спасибо за это видео и привет из России с любовью 🥰 Thank you for this video and greetings from Russia with love
There is so much focus on the external, but the reality is that internal factors, such as genetic predisposition, play a greater role than people are prepared to believe or accept. Acceptance of such internal forces renders us powerless against our mental dispositions
Disposition is the potential, the environment and your own practices affect the extent of each quality. Hopefully you have some that counterbalance the negatives
How to invest in people, when most of them will only have you if they have something to gain from you?
Give them something worth gaining. Your presence is valuable, so you have to carry yourself in that way so others can see it.
Oftentimes the "gains" are not material. People want your attention, your empathy, your emotional support. They want you to bear witness to their lives. Are you ready to give that? Or is that also too much to give?
I have Asperger's and need a lot of alone time. I am not aware that I ever feel lonely. I workout every day, have friends who I see from time to time, but mostly it's just me being happy at home with my pets. I get stressed out by being around too many people, or having social events that I HAVE to go to. Having to be social when I am not feeling it is the main source unhappiness in my life. Sorry to bust your Harvard Study.
I used to feel like that too. Now I have people I care about life is much fuller and richer.
Thanks for sharing; many conclusions of studies aren't all that objective or complete. Or nuanced.
Thanks for sharing, I'm sure there is something to be said in favor of the conclusions, but many studies aren't all that complete or nuanced. This is the newest 'holy grail'
You didn't bust it, you just didn't absorb some crucial points later in the video where he specifically mentions that introverted people can need the opposite and require alone time. And even if that wasn't in the video or a finding of the study, you still wouldn't have busted it. There are always outliers. The presence of outliers doesn't refute a claim about the general tendencies of human beings. Cigarettes cause cancer, but not everyone who smokes cigarettes (even all their lives) gets cancer. That doesn't invalidate the research. I'm saying this as someone who is in the very same situation as you. My main source of unhappiness has to do with any sort of social obligation and I prefer complete solitude. Our experiences do not determine what is true for the rest of humanity, and these studies are typically concerned with what is generally true.
Watch 11:45 through 13:30. It address this. You did not bust the study.
I don’t know why but people hate me since I was child even my own parents…
I think I’m too weird but no one can tell what exactly making me weird…
It is very difficult to make a good relationship…
There is dispute over whether the happiest nation is Colombia or Finland. The two nations are very different. Is there a consistent way to measure happiness?
Owning a small workout gym with a healthy kitchen attached, where I can make friends with others while physically staying healthy
I wish someone would study me, tell me what I’m doing wrong, tell me how to fix my life. The overwhelming majority of people I attract are toxic and treat me less than I deserve. I’m down to one friendship-that’s my only relationship in life besides my “professional relationships” with my coworkers (which don’t count as “real” relationships), my always-rocky “relationship” with my toxic parents, and my therapist (I’m so grateful for her support). I’m exhausted from giving and being treated poorly in return. I feel like I have nothing left to give, so I’m giving up on relationships. I can’t seem to attract enough quality people, I can’t seem to figure out how to have quality relationships or even make connections with people, so I’m just going to stop trying. I’m done with people. I don’t care anymore. Relationships have brought me so much misery and minimal joy over my life so far. Why keep trying?
So I'm actually super worried because my grandfather and father were both super lonely depressing people. Always complaining and always a bother to other people. My grand father is still alive... 93.. Still complaining... Bro I'm worried I will live that long and be complaining and depressed...
Wild they had a minute long ad at start of video
When gamily and /or friends are tricky, clubs and such could be a great option imo
I have very strong relationships. Doesn't change the fact I'm poor as shit and can't take my baby girl to get the cat scan she needs. I'm filled with love and surrounded by loving people, but doesn't stop me from being depressed and filled with anxiety because of poverty.
I completely agree. Even though some people can be happy being poor, no matter what it doesn’t work for me. What makes truly happy is a combination of things
@@JL-ly7me I can agree with that
You have to pay yourself for a cat scan? Is this in the US?
America at its finest i can pretty much assume such@@Absolukely
Yes it is the U.S lol@@Absolukely
*If that first statement was true. Successful Sales person would be the happiest person alive!*
good stuff
Happiness is emotion, like angry for example. And it’s normal that we are not happy all the time, it’s just impossible and that’s all right.
My questions are: were there types of personalities who participated in the studies and are certain personalities neglected in the study? Are the happier people more socially adaptable, and thus happiness is less for, say, introverted shut-ins who have no relationships?
Curious tol about this
I think everyone has a different idea of happiness, and happiness comes in many forms. I think everyone needs to learn what makes them happy. It’s not the same for everyone. There are some very happy rich people, and there are some very happy people that only have strong bonds with one or two people.
It becomes almost impossible to maintain a good relationship with people when you don't have the same goals: to have a good relationship with you
Until 13:00 'th, the introverts - extraverts explanation, the approach was going quite absent but now the it has combined really well :) 👍
Do what I love
The correct dychotomic spectrum isn't shyness - extroversion but introverion - extroversion, this man, in this specific matter, is reinforcing the typical preconception of introversion=shy people
When a psychiatrist treats a person first he has to accept himself then he can accept the patient because a patient what he did or not did that's create a civil war a tug of war inside him and that is his suffering and if he is introvert and individual then he faces extrovert also and that's create so many neurotic behaviour in himself. Some patients don't have relationship because what he did or not did and his understanding of the existence creates a barrier in relationship. When he gets abuse, exploit, torture and hurt which is a chaos in consciousness become his misery sorrow and to prevent from all of this be creates a wall around himself and a deep isolation and great loneliness. Also mostly people simply reject individual and he misunderstood by the society.
As someone with autism, I'm doing my best.
Disappointing to see BigThink take sponsorship from BetterHelp given their unethical practices.
Agreed, I've stopped watching as soon as I saw this. I doubt I'll continue as Better help is the worst.
Agreed. Obviously Big think is not vetting their sponsors. But, money talks and it pays the bills
What do they do that’s unethical?
Is the critique the fact that it's an online appointment? Because therapists are hardly doctors
Betterhelp were sued for selling highly sensitive patient data to advertisers
No one I see is energizing, and I feel more at ease when I’m alone. Then I get lonely. Then I see people which drains me.
Interestinggg. My answer was meditation
It makes sense people are the antidote to loneliness. Connection is all we’ve known since the birth of the social human experience.
I think I’d like to know if there are tactics BEYOND relationships. Can technology help? Can new ideas and solutions point a way forward so we don’t have to depend on others to cure our loneliness?
I think we need to get more creative than just saying “go hang out with more people.” That’s worked fine up until now, but is it not time for something new…? I know I’m craving something new.
I’m with you because people have been unreliable for me since forever
I would say to be more specific. Its easy for me to connect to people only to find out most of them end up transactional and im taken advantage of. Connect with good people. Finding good people is hard because you also have to work your way in a position in life where people respect you. So you do have to have financial stabiltiy and personal freedom to put yourself in a position to connect with people. Its easier that way than to iist be nice and hope for the best that somone who would even acknowledge you would care enough to cultivate a relationship with you. So unless you work on yourself and find happiness in that, its hard to find happiness thriugh others. Its more like other people are there to support you, but your ultimate happiness is on you and your effort, because no one is going to walk thay for you. Having people around makes life worth living, but its not what i would think as the one answer to happiness. Its too much of a complex question to have one answer. But if i have to agree, i would say only inder the terms of building relationships with good people, not just anyone
yeah, basically good stuff, man
Modern industrial, or rather (post)-industrial bureaucratic states can weigh heavily and taxingly on the human mind for all parties involved with serious implications for overall health, if I may say. According to a new science paper published in the Lancet: Global, regional and national burden of disorders affecting the nervous system 1990-2021 the leading cause of overall disease burden in the world are neurological disorders, neurodegeneration, etc. And here we are talking about an abstract mental state that's proving elusive to attain or at the very least, to sustain.
Personally I never feel lonelier than when I'm in company and I usually never feel happier than when I'm alone. So as much as I would like to follow the advice to maintain relationships in order to grow older than I otherwise would, that would seriously be detrimental to my present quality of life.
Can I just shoot for becoming a centenarian by working out and eating healthy, sleeping well, and indulging in no vices like smoking and drinking? Do I have to have human company?
I usually eat and sleep a lot less healthy when I'm forced to be in company, family or otherwise.
Health
The ad in the middle of the video, ruin everything.
I believe him because he seems like the happiest man on the planet.
Gladness.
Do everyone have the same ups and downs in life
good
a good video, though I wish a few commenters would have a)actually paid attention to what was said, and not extrapolate their own meanings to what was said, or b)actually watched the video instead of assuming what was said.
The casual “started including their wives” lol
Man…this always hurts to hear when I’m a full on introvert who loves being alone
Thank you so much for this
Happiness is largely a genetic gift. Some kids pop out happy. Others of us do not. Some are social butterflies by nature. Many of us are not. We don’t want to be. There is nothing wrong with this disposition. Contentment is underrated.
My daughter is always displeased by everything. It started when she was born. Now she is almost 9. The neurologist said that she thinks too much, she is a highly sensitive person, but she is healthy
How to develop close healthy connections?
I am fascinated by people who are suprised by this video's conclusions, or sceptical of said conclusion...