Happy New Year! Welcome to all my new subscribers❤I hope this video gives you some food for thought. If you have a similar situation going on in your life, please chime-in and let’s talk about it. Together, maybe we can find some solutions….
Instead of vilifying him, take a moment to consider that maybe he's literally not capable. He could be autistic. Being chronically unemployed and and not being in a relationship of any kind, could be indicators of autism. Not every autistic person looks like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man". Some autistic adults seem to be just like a "functional" adult, but lack aptitude for social interaction, self-organizing, self-care, sensitivity to environments/people/etc, emotionally disregulated, and just seem "weird". If he spends a lot of his time self-isolating and becomes agitated when his personal routines are disrupted, there is a chance he is autistic. People like that can also become "obsessed" on special interests to the point of becoming a subject matter expert. To be autistic, someone doesn't have to be all of the things autism is known for, but enough of them that it is disruptive to normal functioning. I don't live with my parents (I was a victim of violence). I'm 44, and I just recently discovered I am autistic. I have been either chronically unemployed or jumping from job to job all of my adult life. I have emotional meltdowns. I find it overwhelming to do things most people take for granted. Sounds, lights, people, touch, smells and other sensory inputs can set me off, causing me to be seemingly irritable without cause. I can explode over something as simple as not being able to open a wrapper or get a simple task done. I find the very prospect of seeking a job terrifying. I have to concentrate on all of the social nuances, rules, expectations, and social mysteries I don't understand in order to do it at all. There is also all of the logistical requirements of seeking a job that just feels like a tidal wave coming at me. I feel like I will be crushed while just looking around. Then if I get the job, holy shit, I have to maintain an exterior of being "normal" in order to keep the job without embarrassing myself or a meltdown (I had a panic attack at work once, ambulance came to check on me, fucking terrifying).
Thank You for opening my eyes to this! I know I did a lot of venting in the video, and it was harsh, but I am someone who had run out of answers. I was hoping someone would chime-in with understanding, instead of shooting us down as a parent (his father) or me as the step parent. We want to understand and find solutions. My stepson was employed at a good Union job for 16 years. Fortunately he is vested into a pension plan so that later in life he’ll at least have that coming in. Most of our concern is for his well being after his father is gone. It seems like one day he got in trouble at work, lost his job and just dropped out of participating in life all together. That was in 2019. This has been ongoing. The irony of all of this is that his bio mother is a licensed psychologist, and has stayed as uninvolved as possible. It’s like all the adults have their heads in the sand! Anyhow, I’m glad you have found solutions for yourself, and wish you continued success and happiness in your life. Your comment may be the one that really resonates with someone looking for answers, and I thank you so much for that.
The answer to this is not a one facet, one dimensional one. The job market and overall economy is not the same as it was 40-50 years ago. You don't go into one job and expect to have all the job benefits of security and retirement after 45 years of being there. Everything has inflated even within these past four years alone except for when it comes to people's paychecks. People fell for the trap of needing a college degree in order to get anything that isn't McDonald's and remain in debt for a long time because of the tuition prices. Homes have skyrocketed in price and many, especially older millennials, have a hard time to afford their first house. If you rent then many places had skyrocketed their monthly rent prices as well. It's an uphill battle that doesn't seem to have a foreseeable end to it. Many within leadership are not making it easy for the average American to prosper, let alone for many to be able to have an emergency fund over $1,000 as a famous study had pointed out. We see tragedy brewing and the most the victims are able to get out of it is $750, meanwhile these same politicians have no problem on sending literal billions to oversea countries that many can't pinpoint on a map. I don't think it goes for that extreme to see why many people become despaired and eventually give up, but seeing this happen confirms many suspicions on where our government prioritizes itself. This has been happening for a long time and we may very well be seeing the tip of the iceberg effects of it. And yes, there are personal circumstances that lead to adult children living with their parents well over 40+ years old. Back then those children were more than likely sent to a mental institution and never heard from again if not rendered homeless and at greater risk to do drugs and die on the street. There isn't enough viable resources to help such a demographic despite that money had been poured for outpatient clinics to function instead of permanent inpatient residences (with the exception of extreme cases.) I can't speak for your step-son, but if he isn't motivated to do anything then that can indicate a mental health problem that needs to be addressed. I'm considered part of the younger millennial bracket with boomer parents. I'm glad that they didn't have the mentality of kicking me out after 18 since I had faced a lot of personal stuff back then. Eventually I received help and slowly started to shape up. Work was hard to come by and I was happy when getting part-time and unpredictable hours of work. I finally moved out at age 27 and now have my own family. I hope that my child will know that he can confide in his parents and we support him to be the best version of himself despite the situation. Sometimes being offered grace will have that grace put into work. Life as you knew back then is hardly the reality of today, and I also have to keep that in mind for my own son for when he (and by extension we) is (are) old enough.
Thank you for your perspective on this! I was hoping to get this kind of input. You bring up many very valid points. Each situation has its own set of dynamics, and times certainly have changed. I do understand the struggles in transitioning into your own adult life, and for some it’s a longer process. In my stepsons case he was able to hold down a job for 16 years and had a very good work ethic. It was a good Union job and unfortunately he started having problems at work. He went to HR for relief, instead of contacting the Union and going through the grievance process, where he would have had some protections. Long story short, it was only a matter of time before he was terminated. This was 6 years ago and he’s never fully recovered and moved on. I feel he has a mental block over that experience and didn’t know how to process the loss. He also has an extensive history of substance abuse. I honestly don’t think he’s had clarity of thought in years. He was a late starter in other areas, for instance, he didn’t start driving until his mid 20’s, or didn’t have the desire to. There’s a whole dynamic of situations and experiences that got him to where he is, but mostly him growing up with adults that had their heads in the sand. His father is an enabler, and his mother is completely uninvolved. As a stepmother I have real issues with that. Anyhow I digress….. Agreed also that our government does nothing for the average working person. My stepson needs mental health help and has no insurance, so will probably end up as a statistic. Other countries have universal healthcare. I don’t want to make this political, but do feel your pain. Thank you for taking your time to chime-in. Your perspective can help many others. Much Love to you❤️
Happy New Year! Welcome to all my new subscribers❤I hope this video gives you some food for thought. If you have a similar situation going on in your life, please chime-in and let’s talk about it. Together, maybe we can find some solutions….
Thanks for sharing Suzanne! I wish you the best of New Years!!😘
Right Back At You Doll!
Instead of vilifying him, take a moment to consider that maybe he's literally not capable. He could be autistic. Being chronically unemployed and and not being in a relationship of any kind, could be indicators of autism. Not every autistic person looks like Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man". Some autistic adults seem to be just like a "functional" adult, but lack aptitude for social interaction, self-organizing, self-care, sensitivity to environments/people/etc, emotionally disregulated, and just seem "weird". If he spends a lot of his time self-isolating and becomes agitated when his personal routines are disrupted, there is a chance he is autistic. People like that can also become "obsessed" on special interests to the point of becoming a subject matter expert. To be autistic, someone doesn't have to be all of the things autism is known for, but enough of them that it is disruptive to normal functioning.
I don't live with my parents (I was a victim of violence). I'm 44, and I just recently discovered I am autistic. I have been either chronically unemployed or jumping from job to job all of my adult life. I have emotional meltdowns. I find it overwhelming to do things most people take for granted. Sounds, lights, people, touch, smells and other sensory inputs can set me off, causing me to be seemingly irritable without cause. I can explode over something as simple as not being able to open a wrapper or get a simple task done. I find the very prospect of seeking a job terrifying. I have to concentrate on all of the social nuances, rules, expectations, and social mysteries I don't understand in order to do it at all. There is also all of the logistical requirements of seeking a job that just feels like a tidal wave coming at me. I feel like I will be crushed while just looking around. Then if I get the job, holy shit, I have to maintain an exterior of being "normal" in order to keep the job without embarrassing myself or a meltdown (I had a panic attack at work once, ambulance came to check on me, fucking terrifying).
Thank You for opening my eyes to this! I know I did a lot of venting in the video, and it was harsh, but I am someone who had run out of answers. I was hoping someone would chime-in with understanding, instead of shooting us down as a parent (his father) or me as the step parent. We want to understand and find solutions. My stepson was employed at a good Union job for 16 years. Fortunately he is vested into a pension plan so that later in life he’ll at least have that coming in. Most of our concern is for his well being after his father is gone.
It seems like one day he got in trouble at work, lost his job and just dropped out of participating in life all together. That was in 2019. This has been ongoing.
The irony of all of this is that his bio mother is a licensed psychologist, and has stayed as uninvolved as possible. It’s like all the adults have their heads in the sand!
Anyhow, I’m glad you have found solutions for yourself, and wish you continued success and happiness in your life.
Your comment may be the one that really resonates with someone looking for answers, and I thank you so much for that.
Sorry but you cant always diagnose everything. Dude just sounds like a dope.
The answer to this is not a one facet, one dimensional one.
The job market and overall economy is not the same as it was 40-50 years ago. You don't go into one job and expect to have all the job benefits of security and retirement after 45 years of being there. Everything has inflated even within these past four years alone except for when it comes to people's paychecks. People fell for the trap of needing a college degree in order to get anything that isn't McDonald's and remain in debt for a long time because of the tuition prices. Homes have skyrocketed in price and many, especially older millennials, have a hard time to afford their first house. If you rent then many places had skyrocketed their monthly rent prices as well. It's an uphill battle that doesn't seem to have a foreseeable end to it.
Many within leadership are not making it easy for the average American to prosper, let alone for many to be able to have an emergency fund over $1,000 as a famous study had pointed out. We see tragedy brewing and the most the victims are able to get out of it is $750, meanwhile these same politicians have no problem on sending literal billions to oversea countries that many can't pinpoint on a map. I don't think it goes for that extreme to see why many people become despaired and eventually give up, but seeing this happen confirms many suspicions on where our government prioritizes itself. This has been happening for a long time and we may very well be seeing the tip of the iceberg effects of it.
And yes, there are personal circumstances that lead to adult children living with their parents well over 40+ years old. Back then those children were more than likely sent to a mental institution and never heard from again if not rendered homeless and at greater risk to do drugs and die on the street. There isn't enough viable resources to help such a demographic despite that money had been poured for outpatient clinics to function instead of permanent inpatient residences (with the exception of extreme cases.) I can't speak for your step-son, but if he isn't motivated to do anything then that can indicate a mental health problem that needs to be addressed.
I'm considered part of the younger millennial bracket with boomer parents. I'm glad that they didn't have the mentality of kicking me out after 18 since I had faced a lot of personal stuff back then. Eventually I received help and slowly started to shape up. Work was hard to come by and I was happy when getting part-time and unpredictable hours of work. I finally moved out at age 27 and now have my own family. I hope that my child will know that he can confide in his parents and we support him to be the best version of himself despite the situation. Sometimes being offered grace will have that grace put into work.
Life as you knew back then is hardly the reality of today, and I also have to keep that in mind for my own son for when he (and by extension we) is (are) old enough.
Thank you for your perspective on this! I was hoping to get this kind of input. You bring up many very valid points. Each situation has its own set of dynamics, and times certainly have changed.
I do understand the struggles in transitioning into your own adult life, and for some it’s a longer process. In my stepsons case he was able to hold down a job for 16 years and had a very good work ethic. It was a good Union job and unfortunately he started having problems at work. He went to HR for relief, instead of contacting the Union and going through the grievance process, where he would have had some protections. Long story short, it was only a matter of time before he was terminated. This was 6 years ago and he’s never fully recovered and moved on. I feel he has a mental block over that experience and didn’t know how to process the loss. He also has an extensive history of substance abuse. I honestly don’t think he’s had clarity of thought in years. He was a late starter in other areas, for instance, he didn’t start driving until his mid 20’s, or didn’t have the desire to.
There’s a whole dynamic of situations and experiences that got him to where he is, but mostly him growing up with adults that had their heads in the sand. His father is an enabler, and his mother is completely uninvolved. As a stepmother I have real issues with that. Anyhow I digress…..
Agreed also that our government does nothing for the average working person. My stepson needs mental health help and has no insurance, so will probably end up as a statistic. Other countries have universal healthcare.
I don’t want to make this political, but do feel your pain.
Thank you for taking your time to chime-in. Your perspective can help many others. Much Love to you❤️