Surprise + Life update

One evening, Taylor cupped her hands around her mouth, and spoke directly to my belly and asked, "Hello, is there a baby in there?" I chuckled and couldn't help but wonder why she had said that out of the blue. Later, I recalled that I had recently broken my years of celibacy, but I never imagined her question would be the first hint of the life-changing journey ahead. The next day, after she went to school, I bought a pregnancy test. Sure enough...
When I found out I was pregnant again, the shock was overwhelming. Depression quickly took hold, and I scheduled appointments to terminate the pregnancy, only to cancel them week after week. The idea of "terminating the pregnancy" seemed easier than "ending a baby's life," which I couldn't morally accept.
I was mortified, ashamed, and downright disgusted with myself for allowing myself to be an unwed mother AGAIN. I am not a victim, so I couldn't pretend to be a victim. This was an act of complete irresponsibility on my part.
I strongly felt that being a single mom to two children was something I couldn't handle or wanted.
I was ashamed and disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen, despite years of celibacy. I'm not a sexual person, and I don't indulge in sexual activity because I'm not married. And I'm always with my Taylor, lol.
Never mind, despite using a period tracker, despite the "pull-out" method that has an 80% effective rate, and never mind I promised myself if I should ever have another child, I would be married. I still found myself in a tough situation.
I wished I was brave enough to abort. I wished this "moral compass" could subside for a moment. I told myself I could do it. I could "terminate the pregnancy," and then I'd ask God for forgiveness, and everything would be okay.
I looked into adoption. I found a beautiful family I felt would be great, but his father was against that idea.
I tried to reassure myself, thinking about the many women who go through the same situation, and that even married couples sometimes make this choice. I convinced myself that I was prepared. I had arranged for someone to drive me to the abortion clinic and provide support. I had found a babysitter for Taylor. I followed the fasting requirement, abstaining from food for 8 or 12 hours, then took a shower, got dressed, and set off to meet the person who would accompany me to the procedure to end the pregnancy.
The moment I learned about the pregnancy, a peculiar "maternal instinct" seemed to kick in. I found myself torn between conflicting emotions. On one hand, I already felt a strong affection for this child, but on the other, I was pained by the prospect of becoming a single mother once more. I told myself how STUPID I would be to not abort. How foolish it would be to be choose single motherhood AGAIN!
Yet, I couldn't help but ponder, can something truly given be considered a choice? Is life something we decide, or does it happen to us? My mind was a battleground, constantly wrestling with these profound questions.
I spoke with so many other women who went through abortion. The majority regretted it, although some did not. I envied those who were brave enough to abort.
So I withdrew. I retreated from the world, confining myself to virtual conversations with a handful of close friends. Most of my family and acquaintances remained unaware of my situation. For months, I endured seclusion, drowning in depression and isolation. The idea of sharing my pregnancy filled me with dread; I didn't want to hear any "congratulations" because, in my view, there was nothing worth celebrating. Dark and intrusive thoughts plagued my mind obsessively, leaving me unable to care for myself or for Taylor. I was a complete wreck.
Speaking of Taylor, the guilt weighed heavily on me. How could I subject her to this? Bringing another child into our already complex world. What kind of example would I set for my child? A single, unmarried mother raising two kids-how could I be a worse role model? Tears were a daily occurrence.
I didn't want to portray single motherhood as easy, acceptable, or okay. I worried about diverting attention from Taylor when I already felt like I wasn't giving her enough. How could I possibly love another child as much as her? I still wanted to travel the world, become a millionaire, and do much with Taylor. My mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and emotions, and it felt like the worst possible timing. The horror and pain of it all were overwhelming.
Then, on August 4, 2023, my world underwent a profound transformation. This precious baby boy entered the world and immediately captured my heart. The moment I laid eyes on him, I saw his strength. Throughout my pregnancy, I had envisioned him as resilient, and he had proven me right, weathering the storms of my emotions and emerging like a force of nature. He entered this life as a mighty warrior
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[@prettyflytraveler]

Taylor is so big now 😮 congratulations on the new addition to the family. Taylor and Sterling’s mom 👩🏾 👧🏾👶🏾

[@TaylorsMom]

Thank you!!!

[@TaylorsMom]

He's a bundle of energy, boisterous, and remarkably physically strong for his age. His curiosity is already evident; he's an inquisitive little soul. His smile, oh, it's the cutest thing. But what strikes me the most are his large, curious eyes, brimming with love, strength, and a purpose that feels larger than life itself.
His bright eyes seem to pierce my soul, and I could gaze into them endlessly. I feel deeply honored to have been chosen to bring such greatness into the world. My love for him knows no bounds.
However, with his arrival, a fresh wave of guilt and sorrow washed over me. I had been so hard on myself, on him, consumed by depression and agony throughout the pregnancy. I couldn't help but wonder how much of my pain he had sensed.
Yet, now that he's here, all those fears have transformed into the typical anxieties of a new mom. I find myself constantly checking on him, ensuring his well-being, wanting to be his comfort at every moment. I shower him with kisses and listen intently to his soft breaths. When he cries, it pains me, and I yearn for his happiness. When he's content, I can't bear to part with him. He clings to his mommy just as fiercely, never wanting to leave my side.
I never had the chance to fully embrace happiness during either of my pregnancies, but this one, emotionally challenging as it was, has brought forth a love within me that I never knew existed.
No, the road ahead won't be easy, and I'm still on a journey of healing and processing. However, I find myself thanking God for this child. I pray for his life to be guided by divine plans, for him to always know how blessed and loved he is. I pray for grace and wisdom to accompany his growth, for him to build bridges across cultures and nations. I pray for success and blessings in all his endeavors, for kindness from the world, and above all, for his happiness. I pray for him to be respected and to treat others with respect in return.

[@alyssaryan8227]

God bless you Mom ❤

[@TaylorsMom]

@@alyssaryan8227 thank you !!

[@TaylorsMom]

@@alyssaryan8227 thank you

[@vanessaescobar-ir3vi]

Congratulations...He is so adorable and precious. God Bless you and your family!

[@TaylorsMom]

Thank you!

[@moonlightsadness]

Beautiful update! Thanks for sharing. 💕

[@robinm.taylor2647]

Wow...Congratulations to you mom and big sister, Taylor. Wishing your beautiful family, the very best. God bless.

[@lolitagardner1407]

Congratulations to you both such an adorable baby missed you guys on TH-cam hopefully you continue to bless us with content ❤❤

[@AIvy1814]

Love my babies ❤

[@TaylorsMom]

Love you!!

[@jayajaya788]

Hello...i'm a new subscriber!!! Beautiful family...are you Taylor and the baby still living in Merida, Mexico?

[@TaylorsMom]

No

[@cpeeps430]

Congrats! Was the baby born in Mexico? That means permanent residency for you.

[@TaylorsMom]

Yes

[@ibelieveinjesuschrist8911]

hmmmm