My therapist talks to me a lot about situational friendships. You have friends at work but go separate ways when you leave that job. She reminds me that just because we are situational friends, that doesn’t mean that it wasnt a genuine friendship. It’s hard to go through sometimes, I end up beating myself up regarding the fact I don’t reach out to those people.
Oh my god! Great reminder, this comment. I have lost many friends due to location/situation. I always end up blaming myself (when I probably shouldn't).
Thank you for talking about this. I just broke off a 20+ year friendship because I finally realized how toxic it was. I considered this person my best friend because it was my longest friendship, but she brought nothing but negativity into my life so I finally said no more. When I was younger, having a lot of friends seemed important, but now as an adult I realize quality not quantity is what’s important. If a “friendship” is disrupting my peace, it’s no longer worth my time.
Its a hard thing to do. I broke off an 8yr friendship because it was roo toxic. Falling into things that i shouldnt be doing but tbh it was the best decision ever because i feel good mentally now!
I went through an incredibly painful friend breakup my senior year of college, and one of the worst parts was that our society doesn't have acceptable norms for them. If it had been a romantic breakup people would know not to talk about that person around me, it wouldn't be a surprise that I was sad when their birthday came around, a few weeks of crying and eating ice cream would have seemed normal. Instead it felt like nobody understood why I was taking it so hard. Our society's heirarchy of relationships has romantic relationships at the top and thinks it's weird for friendships to be given equal importance.
Whew, I needed this one! Still trying to recover from what I call friendship PTSD of bad friendship breakups causing me to be afraid to create new ones.
I really needed to see this today. I’m currently going through a friendship breakup with two friends who I thought would be my lifelong buddies. It hurts a lot, so it’s nice to see a video like this
Over the last couple years, I realized there is nothing more toxic than staying in a friendship that is solely based on longevity. I want to be friends with people that I can respect and admire. When people keep making questionable decisions and bring drama into my life, that's when I'm like nope!
I’ve had many friendship breakups. Actually had one super recent. I’m someone that reaches out all the time. I believe that friendships are also relationships that need to be maintained and put effort into. But not everyone feels that way. And it can feel like they don’t care about you as much as you care about them. You end up feeling used because they will only text you or call you when they want something from you because they know that you’ll always be there for them, even when they are not there for you. At some point, you have to realize that that person is not worth keeping in your life. You’re better without them.
Idk I think you're both better off without eachother. You're obviously more needy than they can handle and while that's not your fault or bad it just doesn't fit them. Neither of you are being bad friends or even one sided you just don't mesh as friends. I also personally know people that say it was a one sided friendship when in reality its because they considered someone a friend when the other person never did to begin with. Sometimes we have to accept that some people are acquaintances and not friends.
@@trashbasket11 That's also what makes friendships many times really difficult to navigate. In romantic relationships, it's usually quite clear when the dating starts and when it ends. But with friendships, it's not always announced that "hey we're like close friends now!" or when the friendship is clearly deteriorating. It's definitely common to view somebody as a close friend when they didn't even think about it like that themselves. It still makes it valid to grieve and feel bad about losing that person, because in your mind that friendship was real and deep, even if the other person didn't view it like that. And it might not be possible to stay as acquaintances if that loss of friendship is too painful to overcome.
Friendship breakups and friendships themselves are just as important and life changing as romantic relationships and I'm really glad that we are finally treating them that way! As I've gotten older I have definitely experienced friendships ending and sometimes they just fade away and other times it's been a legitimate breakup. I've even been ghosted by a close friend before 😅
As I've gotten older I've had to learn that some friendships end because they ran their course. I have many former friends who I don't talk to anymore but never had a falling out with or anything so we have a mutual respect for one another to this day. I was sick a few years ago and had a former friend reach out and it meant so much to know that they still care for me despite us losing touch over the years. I hope to be that person to others, the person who reaches out and lets people know that I still care even if we aren't close.
I haven’t watched yet but I’m grateful you’re talking about this. Friendship break ups hurt. My ex best friend and I stopped talking a while ago and honestly my heart is broken. It’s like a break up in terms of pain with none of the closure or real understanding from people around you.
So relatable! I lost some friends after my mom died and again after my dad died. Not everyone can handle someone else's pain and grief, and death dramatically changed me and my personality. I'm a new person, and honestly they weren't there for me and our lives/friendship didn't fit together in the same way. I love the phrase: People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
My dad died of cancer when I was 25. I'm turning 34 in November. I lost a partner and friends because of it. Grief terrifies a lot of people and after my dad died I changed. I saw the world differently and I made it a priority to live my life and not settle. A lot of people are uncomfortable because of the path I've chosen (they would prefer I follow a more traditional path). Hard pass.
My biggest heartbreak ever was a best friend breakup. I was getting to the point of walking on eggshells around her and eventually said something really thoughtless that hurt her very badly. I tried to apologize over and over but she wouldn't really accept it. Eventually, we talked again and now we drop each other a line every once and a while but sadly it changed our relationship forever. My advice to anyone trying to reconcile a friendship is to not be afraid to take ownership for the hurt you caused someone. Sincerely apologize and if they don't accept it, you've done everything you can. Gradually that hole will get filled by others but like any other grief or loss, it takes TIME. Hope you're all doing well. Big hugs to anyone that needs one. 💛
Yes yes yes to this. I'm currently breaking up with an entire friend group (5+ people) after finding out they protected one of the guys in the friend group who laid hands on a woman. Inexcusable. He's a garbage person and anyone who protects him is too
I am in a super similar situation. It really freaks me out that all these people I was close to are ok with and protecting a pedophile and now I have lost friendships including one that was a best friend ever since childhood.
In my 60's and I have 1 best friend. We've been friends since we were 7. On and off in some seasons of life, but we always end up back being really close. One is all I really need.
Aw that's sweet. I'm 29 and me and my best friend met when we were 11. It was love at first meeting. We've been on and off a couple times in the past but we always end up back together, we always make time to talk and send each other funny videos. Shes married with a 2 year old now so I'm always thankful when she can make time to talk. I think people take friendships for granted not realising that sometimes you need to work on them just like in romantic relationships. If the relationship is worth working on ofc.
This past year I graduated college and suddenly felt like I lost every friend from college because I moved away from the college town and started a full time job. It hurts more than any relationship I’ve ever had and makes me second guess everything. I’m still struggling with coping with it, so thank you so so much for this video. I really needed it & find comfort in the comments knowing others feel like same.
I graduated from college 5 years ago and the same thing happened to me, so I know how you feel. I think in college we have a lot of situational friendships- that doesn't make them fake or bad, it just means that when your situation changes, it's hard to maintain the same level of friendship. Especially when distance is involved! I lowkey lost touch with a group of close girlfriends for a couple years after graduation, but we recently re-connected and they ALL came to my wedding last month! We all live in various cities from the west coast to the midwest so its hard, but one thing that helped us reconnect was implementing a 2x month virtual hangout. It was low pressure- if you couldn't join that week, no one was mad or anything but it was great to see at least 1 other person from that friend group every couple of weeks. Even if we just stayed on for 30 mins, it really helped us bond again. Trying this with some old friends from college might help you! I've found that setting aside intentional time helps me, because if I don't schedule it in, I'll just keep "putting it off". Sorry for the long message, I just really remember that feeling right after college and wanted to connect with you!
Just wanted to say thank you so much for this comment. I feel the exact same way - just graduated this past year and moved across the country for a job. It was disorienting and kind of scary to move away from the community and friendships I’d built, but on the bright side it made me feel so strong to realize I was stepping out on my own, as hard as it was (and still is)!. I hope you’re doing well and that you find amazing friends in your new place!
What you said about ADHD + friendship = feeling like you're just never going to be a good friend, as well as adapting to your environment to belong, hit me square between the eyes. I swear I feel like I can breathe more freely after hearing someone else express that it happens to them too. Cheers to going where we are wanted
Also something that I've learned and carried with me, especially recently, IF THEY WANTED TO, THEY WOULD!! I cant stress this enough. Like Carrie said, go where you are wanted! its the least we deserve😌❤️
Worst break up of my life was with my high school best friend. I was in so much pain and heartbreak and it felt super lonely because no one around me seemed to give it the same space and love they would have if it had been a romantic break up. But honestly, it hurt more, we had been besties for 10 years. That was over 12 years ago now and I feel healed from it fully but it took patience and time and letting myself grieve. Thanks for this video Carrie. Big hugs to anyone going through this. ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for this. Letting go of a best friend I had for years because it was very one sided and I'm so much happier because of it but I definitely have times when I really miss her and wish she cared as much as I did. Friendship breakups aren't talked about enough!
Going through a really bad friendship breakup with someone who has been a part of my life for 4 years and to whom I shared and told everything to. It's only been a few days so I'm still very much rooted in grief, but I know he had to leave me for his own good. I respect him and am so thankful for all the memories and experiences we have shared these past years. I will always look back fondly on our time together, but right now I just miss him so so so much. I really thought he would be a friend for life and not just a couple of years. I love him and really wish him nothing but the best. This video has really helped me see that although I am drowning in my grief for our friendship that sometimes these things just happen. But I know I will always love him, and that one day I will meet someone who loves me the same way that I love him. I know eventually, I will be okay, and that he will be too. He will never read this, but Elvin, I love you.
I felt this, I'm in a transitional period right now. Reevaluating my life & the people in it. Letting go of a lot of people and things that don't serve me anymore.
Biggest heartbreak of my life was between myself and a friend. Friendship can be and often is as intimate and life changing as romantic love. Of course when we grow, these relationships can change, and some even end. I’m thankful to be at an age where I value and protect my own peace enough to be at ease with how relationships evolve and choose to include people in my life who make me feel valued+loved. For me this also has to do with me working on my skills as a communicator and realizing I can express my needs + move on if I need to ❤️
I really appreciate you making this video. I’m 34 and have just gone through losing 3 of my 4 bestest long term friends. They were also my bridesmaids at my wedding. It got to the stage where they genuinely didn’t seem to care about me anymore. My Nanna died, and they couldn’t care less, even after telling them I was struggling. It’s been EXTREMELY hard, to the point I almost had a breakdown and am now on antidepressants. HOWEVER, I’m now at a stage where I can see these people weren’t proper friends, they were my longest friends, but by no means my nicest or best friends. And I’ve let that go now, mentally. I feel a weight lifted, and can see they never truly cared for me, perhaps it was the fizzling out of the friendships or the fact people change. I don’t know… but what I DO know now is that they belittled me, they made fun of me, they always had an issue with my opinion on something… it was toxic, and I’m sooo much better off without that constant negativity in my life x
I have to have friends who are okay with not hearing from me for months at a time and just go about their lives and things are all good when we do reconnect. I'm very bad about getting lost in the day to day and forgetting to reach out to people. I've had friends in the past who were not okay with that and would complain and make passive aggressive comments about how they never hear from me. I feel like now I have a good supportive small group of tight friends who get it and live their own lives and love me for me.
I am older than most of your viewers. What you said is true. People come and go in your life. They make you stronger and better.. Even if the breakup was bad you come out with a stronger view of yourself. People change. Remember no matter how bad you are a beautiful and wonderful person. Love and hugs everyone.
This was so helpful. I just told a friend that I'd like to take a step back from our friendship for a little while. It was so so hard. I found this video because I have felt guilty all day for making a genuinely lovely person feel sad. It's hard to feel grounded in the very real reasons I made this choice when it hurt someone. This was the reminder I needed that this is normal. Thank you.
This is so timely...I have had so many friendships end over the past year. It's been heartbreaking for some, and relieving for others. Right now, it seems to be the universe is pushing me to be more of a friend to myself!
Honestly I never thought I’d lose friends during a pandemic! I thought it might bring people closer together and add value to each other. But there’s been quite a few breakups simply because I’m vaccinated and regard COVID as real. It’s wild.
Maybe it's your attitude of seeing yourself as superior than others. We all think that we're always "in the right" but maybe try to see from the other person's perspective.
I was ghosted by a best friend a couple years ago and it was honestly the worst heartbreak I've gone through, but I got through it and can look back at the relationship and see the flaws in retrospect
I was also ghosted!! And it was so weird! She replaced me with two other people and whenever I tried to hang or talk with her she was very short and cold. Other people started asking me about it and I told them that she was busy with work etc. It wasn’t until I finally realized that our relationship wasn’t going to go back to how it once was. We literally did everything together and I don’t regret any of it I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad. I cried for months. I decided to message her but then found out she had unfollowed me on Instagram and Facebook. It sucks but I need to move on.
I literally needed this video. This October will be the one year "anniversary" of me ending a 20+ year old friendship. And it was literally because of the way she was acting during the pandemic and because she was telling other friends in our friend group that I was a mom shamer. It was the worst day of my life. I don't think anything has ever hurt me more than being called mom shamer by my best friend and then having to end the friendship because of it.
@@kaylaalexander6499 it's so so hard. I still love her too which is what I think the worst part is. Like if she called me right now and said I need you or I need help, I'd drop everything and be there for her. 😭 I'm so sorry you're going through it as well. At least we've got this community to keep our spirits up and to vent and confide in.
@@mandajones8052 Oh completely!! We've been best friends since we were 4 and we do occasionally talk from time to time when we send each other a tiktok lol, but its pretty rare.
It was 2 months ago when I ended a 7 year friendship with my best friend. I thought she was always going to be there, but I realized how negatively draining it was and how unhappy I was. I knew it was over a few months before I ended it. I’m proud of myself for speaking up and establishing boundaries at the end. You can still care for them after the fact, but sometimes things aren’t meant to be anymore. Also on top of that, I met someone amazing and so healing during my lowest points after. She’s a great friend and it’s crazy how life works sometimes. I call us spirit sisters ❤️✨!
I really needed this. Sometimes I find myself thinking "Oh I need to text x/y/z people because we haven't talked in a bit." Not because I have anything of importance to say but because I feel a need to maintain these friendships that should have been allowed to naturally drift out--through neither party's fault. It's hard to realize you can't keep every friendship you make, it's completely unrealistic.
I’m literally in a breakup right now with my best friend of over 10 years… this video could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much Carrie ❤️
@@SamanthaTwist how are you doing right now if you don’t mind me asking. Starting to enter a similar situation with a best friend and I feel very alone already and wondering if I’ll regret my decisions
I've had many friendship breakups and I feel great. I realizes that many of them were toxic and I needed to take time to work on myself. If it's meant to be, it will be. The best is yet to come. Thank you for talking about this topic, no one talks about it.
I was actually shocked by how many friends I lost with no warning when I was taking care of my parents before they passed. Some had been my friend for decades. It's much more difficult to make new friends in your 50's. I do have several friends that have been in my life since being a kid so I am fortunate.
I’m in my 30’s and lost almost all of my friends when I became my grandparents caregiver! I didn’t and still don’t totally understand what happened. People I’d been friends with for 20+ years. I’m sorry that happened to you ❤️
@@amys6422 I'm so sorry you went through that too. I'm at a loss as to how people can be friends for decades and then just walk away. You're definitely the type of friend I would want. Such a loving caring person. 💕
this feels like a therapy session and it’s so nice to hear all of this because i’m currently trying to move on from a friendship breakup that just drifted apart and i’m heartbroken that they never confronted me about it.
Thank you sooo much for talking about this and normalizing this. I still remember the first time I went through a friendship breakup and googling whether friendship breakups should hurt as much as a relationship breakup, wondering if there was something wrong with me. It also made me so scared to make new close friends and commit to that friendship because I was afraid they’ll leave again.
yes i love this topic!! no one talks about friendships fading, especially the ones that have been around for a while. I'm at the point in my life where if a friend doesn't want to hang out with me and doesn't make the effort to see me, I don't need them around. You want to have friends that want to be a part of your life, not ones that are just there to be there. Thanks so much for this video Carrie ❤️
Thank you so much for this! I’ve been struggling since 2020 with a friendship breakup, my best friend decided to stop talking to me because of a misunderstanding that I didn’t even know how it started, but I ended up being so sad that I didn’t even try to talk to her. Now I feel that we grew so much apart during 2021 that it doesn’t make any sense to try to get back with the friendship anymore, we are almost totally strangers (with unfollowing on social media and etc being there to remind and hurt even more) . After all of this I realized what it was one-sided and it hurts even more. Sometimes I feel that I will never get over it, but hearing you talking about it came at the right time. Thanks for this Carrie 💕✨
My best friend in high school stopped talking to me when I left for college out of state. She was upset I would leave her. I haven’t seen her since and I’ve tried to reach out over the years but she never seems interested. Makes me sad but by now we’re just living very different lives in our 30s. We had the time of our lives in high school and I will cherish those memories!
Felt this. I had to cut off a pretty toxic friendship of 10 years semi recently. Sometimes after hanging out, I would receive paragraphs of what I did wrong during that hangout and how rude I was being. I could never voice how I felt without everything being turned around on me and it always made me feel like I was a terrible person, everything though I always tried helping them out and being there for them, but finally pulled back when I realized it wasn’t appreciated or reciprocated.
@@malloryyt thank you ! Here for you too !! That’s so true, I couldn’t imagine going back and being friends with this person again. Glad we’re out of these toxic situations !
This is just something I really needed to hear. I feel like no one prepares you for these relationships and after college I learned the hard way that some friendships do really fizzle out and it is just life. I think it hurts the worst when you get ghosted in a friendship, which happened to me with a friend group after college. To anyone going through something like this, it gets better I promise
Thank you Carrie! Just watched this and it made me emotional. All of my best friends have moved away from me in the last 3 years and I’ve been feeling all of the feels about how to cultivate new relationships. If any of you live in or around Chicago I’d love to grab a coffee/drink or meet up at the thrift! 🤍✨👏🏼
Hi Carrie. After watching this I realized how many friendship breakups I had through the years and it is a good thing because I kept my "true" friends. And due Love love love everyone.
Thank you for this video! My best friendship advice would be talk to your friends about your love languages. Make sure you are showing up for them in the ways they need and communicate the ways you feel loved.💖
As I get older the people I can actually count on, love and know me through and through, can be counted on one hand. Quality over quantity even if it hurts, it’s for the best for sure! Thanks for talking about this 🥰
I love this!! This is so true!! 🙌🏼 I'm a high school teacher, and what I'm going to take from this video is the phrase "you haven't met everyone that will love you yet." That hit home! I deal with a lot of drama at work (I'm not like the other teachers, I'm a "cool " teacher 😜), and honestly I don't know where the trust from my students comes from. They always want to talk to me about their problems, they always share things with me, and one of the things that happens the most is these "friendship breakups." And for them, as teenagers that are going through so many biological and psychological changes AS WELL AS A FREAKING PANDEMIC, it's devastating; I always try to comfort them with the fact that they don't even know half their class yet and they can find so many friends in kids they haven't talked to yet. Thank you for this video, Carrie! If you don't mind, I'm going to recommend it to the next student that comes to me with friendship drama.
carrie i struggle SO BAD with morphing into whatever i think someone wants me to be and i find that all of my relationships are inauthentic because i can never just be truly myself. i’m trying to work on this too and it feels good to know that other people experience this as well 🥺💛
I related to everything you said in this video and it came at a perfect time. I recently made the decision to break up with a friend and had been feeling guilty and having doubts and feeling like a terrible person over it. But this video reaffirmed my decision to end things and made me feel so much better about it. The friendship wasn’t very reciprocated and I think she was just a friend for the moment but not someone that I really align with anymore, and I’m learning that that is perfectly okay. Thank you for making this video, it really helped me 💖
This was reassuring. I don’t feel as alone reading through some comments. I give a lot to people in my life. And being a giver is just in my heart I love loving and caring. I’ve never minded not having that many friends. But as an adult I feel pretty evolved as a good and better friend than in my past and I’m still learning but the friends I make just don’t seem to value the type of person I am.. I’m pretty ok with this but don’t get me wrong it gets lonely. I just hope anyone reading this who can relate: be you and the loving you that you are people will come and go but you’re a good person don’t take things personal. Sometimes people are just going through their own things. 💗
I can relate to this soo much! I completely agree. Some of those loses are worse than a relationship break up. It is definitely harder to make friends this day and age.
I relate to this in alot of ways! I've had many friendships that have just ended whether good or bad. I noticed it especially after I got married but I look it as hey you found your best friend (my husband) and you have the one person who's always there for you no matter what. I agree with you on the whole feeling of what did I do wrong and that it seems like a one way street. Mine is all family related when it comes to this type of thing but I know exactly what your feeling. Everything does get better in time.
I had to pause mid-way through the video to mention that this couldn't have come at a better time. I, unfortunately, just yesterday came to the realization that I had to let one of my old friends go. It hurts my heart because I really care for them and I felt this insane connection to them, but it's been a one-sided friendship with me doing all of the heavy lifting for so long that it no longer feels good to me. It's really tough because this sort of connection happens rarely for me, and I tend to want to hold on for as long as I can. But it comes to a point where, as Carrie said, if you're constantly wondering whether you're even welcomed into their lives anymore or if you feel like you're bothering them, you have to sit down and analyse whether it's worth your time and energy anymore. Unfortunately for me, the answer was no, it's not worth it anymore. And though it's painful, I have to remind myself that this is normal, it happens and it's no one's fault. It's just making room in my life for the next great connection to come in.
OH - how I needed this big sis advice 🌻 Thank you for talking about this! I have a friendship that is kind of ending rn, so watching your video helped me releasing some of the guilt that I am feeling!
Thank you, Carrie. I know I specifically asked for you to chat about your experiences with this and I really appreciate your perspective. As always, ❤ya girl!
This video has helped me a lot- I’ve got friends who I love but our friendships have faded and we no longer speak on a regular basis. It’s so reassuring that other people have been through the same thing and has challenged the thoughts that there is something wrong with me
Can I just say, that you have been one of my favorite TH-camrs throughout the years, no matter what topic you talk about, if I agree/disagree you are always respectful and I love your mindset, always clicking, thank you for staying positive:)
Thank you for talking about this. I always felt like I had trouble with friendships when I was younger. But it's nice to know others felt the same way.
I’ve never felt more seen than your description of adapting to certain friends. Finding people who you can be your authentic self with and feel comfortable is the TOTS!
I learned in high school that some friendships have an expiration date and damn if it doesn't hurt, but sometimes you have to move on. I've also learned that sometimes friends pop in and out of your life, which can be great! I've had 2 friends since elementary school that I lost touch with but we got back together as adults, it was quite a surprise but has also been really nice!
My Bisexual British ass constantly petitioning to be Carries best friend bc I live in the US one state over so she doesn't have to put any effort into a friendship OR miss the UK anymore during the pandemi lovato. Honestly though, a v important video. Missed your big sis chats, Carrie!!!!
I was also diagnosed with ADHD later in life. 100% vibing with what you're saying. My take (additional thoughts on the topic, as to not repeat the things you have said): I have often been perplexed in my life as well with 'friendship breakups' or things like that. At the moment, (post diagnosis, abt a year ago), my discussions with my therapist are centered around my difficulty with friendships/non-romantic relationships. This category has certainly improved immensely over the years, but I still have trauma related responses to small altercations with other individuals, not knowing how to deal with them. Simple misunderstandings cause me to lose sleep. I guess a lot of ADHDers suffer from what is called 'rejection sensitivity.' It is a proper diagnosis. I'm not trying to dwell on this at all, but it has given me a lot of perspective on my own ADHD and the way others can perceive it. A lot of ADHD traits can blend in as personality traits, and people treat us as such, especially if the individual is undiagnosed. Positive traits are often over-praised, and the negative ones are condemned. To the non-diagnosed ADHDer, it seems we are getting rejected a lot based on 'who we are.' Realizing I have ADHD has given me a lot of piece on this topic but has also helped me to advocate for myself when establishing new friendships or maintaining current ones.
I’ve had several friendship breakups, but I think the hardest one for me was letting go of my best friend from college after I graduated. Some negative feelings formed towards the end and our lives just went in completely different paths. When I look back though, I wouldn’t change it for anything, because my college experience was just that much better with her in it. We made so many unforgettable memories that I would never trade. I try to think of it as we were in each other’s lives for a season for a reason. And it’s given me a lot of peace as I moved on from that friendship.
Well I came across this video really late, but I wanted to say that you really helped validate my feelings around losing respect for some of the people in and around your life who are handling the pandemic so irresponsibly. I keep seeing posts on Facebook and such, that are like "no matter what we disagree on, I will never block and delete you, and I won't let this get in the way of our friendship" And it makes me feel like actual garbage because IT IS affecting my friendships and the people I have in my life. I cannot sit and watch the way some have handled it and not question everything. This pandemic has really shown a lot of true colors. Anyway I hope that makes sense. Thank you for bringing that up.
Thank you thank you thank you Carrie. This is such a majorly invaluable perspective on an issue that people just don’t talk about. I’m currently going through a divorce and moving to a new state, and my best friend of 6+ years ghosted me as soon as I started struggling. I’m learning to let go and realize that not all relationships are made to last, but the good memories will last a lifetime. Thank you Carrie 🥰
Needed this today!! Thank you thank you thank you. We just do not talk about this enough. I would take a bullet for her but I don’t want to spend our time wondering if I’m doing enough to be her friend. So true!
Im going for a friendship break up it really sucks, it doesn’t feel like I’m whole anymore and this whole video made me so happy to hear that I’m not the only one that feels that way. I love the saying “you haven’t met everyone who love you yet” it feels so soothing
Didn't realize how much I needed this video. Had to break off so many relationships this past year as the trauma of this year has revealed so many hearts of the people I thought I knew. Drawing the lines and leaving behind relationships that are not worth keeping has been so devastating. Especially because it's basically been leaving a whole community. Most of my closest friends now are my online friends 💕
This could not have come at a better time! Currently going through a painful, abrupt ending of a dear friendship and it’s been a difficult healing journey that I’m still trying to navigate I know it had to happen so I could move onto this entirely new chapter of my life but I still can’t help but grieve all the good times and things we always talked about for our “future” that is now happening for me but suddenly she’s not part of it which makes hitting certain milestones bittersweet Thankyou so much for talking about this and making me feel like it’s normal and I’m not alone, as losing that important friendship can feel extremely isolating Sending so much love to you for shedding light on this topic and to everyone else out there going through it 💕
Thank you Carrie for bringing this up! This is a topic that never gets enough attention or advice. People always talk about romantic relationships ending but don’t shed a light on “friendship breakups.” It’s hurt me more than any romantic breakup and it’s soooooo silent. I was friends with someone for almost 25 years and when I was in nursing school I was extremely busy and she didn’t understand. I was blamed for a lot of it and apologized for things I didn’t even do just to “salvage” the friendship. I found out our friendship was truly over when she unfriended me on everything. A few years later I met with her to talk and she continued to blame me for things that didn’t even happen. I apologized for how I made her feel but stood my ground and refused to admit to things I know for a fact I didn’t say or do. It hurt so bad because we were practically family and now we are complete strangers. This happened to me again last year with a work friend of about 3 years. Right before the pandemic began we did so much together. I wasn’t paying enough attention to her patterns with other friendships even though they were right in my face. Everything changed literally the day when I said I was going to apply to the ICU (I’m a nurse and she is a tech). She picked a fight with me at work (which I immediately was confused by and asked her what was wrong). She continued to avoid me for 3 months despite me reaching out over and over again. I noticed the same thing was happening again and I even questioned if i was the problem. Spoiler alert: I’m not perfect, but I was not the issue lol. She actually gaslit TF out of me. Accused me of being hysterical (didn’t happen and I literally had “witnesses” to validate me). She was even making stuff up about things in the past that I witnessed first hand. Once I transferred units she literally unfriended me on everything… I asked her about it calmly and maturely and her response was: “I don’t even talk to my parents and I live with them. I refuse to talk to you about this at this time”. That was the push I needed to respect myself and my worth. It still stings over a year later, but I would NEVER be friends with this person again. Especially after gaining a lot of perspective on how she really treated people. When this second friendship was ending, my mom actually pointed out that this person reminded her of the person in the first story 💀
I've read before that friendships run in 5-7 year cycles and I've found that to be true for some of my closest friendships. I have some regrets about the way I ended a 10-year friendship that had gotten to a point where I felt I was the only person putting in effort: I didn't realize at the time that I should have just naturally letting the friendship end instead of doing so myself. But at the end of the day, that relationship wasn't salvageable, and it's taken me awhile to realize that.
I really struggled with this for a year. During our year abroad as exchange students, my friends treated me like an outsider. It was particularly hard because I was in a foreign country for the first time and I didn't know many people there. It was definitely a one-sided friendship.
Thank you for this video ❤️ I’m currently going through this with someone who has been a friend since I was 7 years old, sadly it’s become toxic and I realized it’s time to let it go.
This is such an important video and everyone needs to know these things about the natural progression of different friendships. Society makes it seem like it’s normal to just make friends with someone and be friends forever, that happens occasionally but most of the time people go in and out of your life depending on the circumstances. And that’s fine.
So excited for this video. Back when you previously (maybe in vlogs) mentioned friendship breakups, I felt it really relatable and timely. Love your perspective and agree so much on your points. Especially that finite floating on a planet in space sentiment 😂.
Thank you for this video. I always feel like a bad human if friendships don’t work out. You’re right it is normal to loose friends. People do go in different directions and that’s ok
I ended my first adult relationship (she had unresolved toxic behaviors that she wouldn’t address) and didn’t see her before I moved across the country. I was feeling sad about it today and this video feels meant for me ❤️
Omg. This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you. Very much needed this. Going through something similar in my life rn. And thank you for reminding me that this is completely normal. Also that quote, damn, needed that today.
My therapist talks to me a lot about situational friendships. You have friends at work but go separate ways when you leave that job. She reminds me that just because we are situational friends, that doesn’t mean that it wasnt a genuine friendship. It’s hard to go through sometimes, I end up beating myself up regarding the fact I don’t reach out to those people.
Oh my god! Great reminder, this comment. I have lost many friends due to location/situation. I always end up blaming myself (when I probably shouldn't).
I love this 💕
💯
Thank you for talking about this. I just broke off a 20+ year friendship because I finally realized how toxic it was. I considered this person my best friend because it was my longest friendship, but she brought nothing but negativity into my life so I finally said no more. When I was younger, having a lot of friends seemed important, but now as an adult I realize quality not quantity is what’s important. If a “friendship” is disrupting my peace, it’s no longer worth my time.
You are so strong for doing that ♥️ I’m proud of you! I am way too forgiving and keep letting toxic people back into my life 😓
I resonate with this comment so much!
Its a hard thing to do. I broke off an 8yr friendship because it was roo toxic. Falling into things that i shouldnt be doing but tbh it was the best decision ever because i feel good mentally now!
Literally found myself in the same situation last year. It’s not easy breaking off a friendship of that length. But it was for best. Best wishes!❤️
❤️❤️❤️
I went through an incredibly painful friend breakup my senior year of college, and one of the worst parts was that our society doesn't have acceptable norms for them. If it had been a romantic breakup people would know not to talk about that person around me, it wouldn't be a surprise that I was sad when their birthday came around, a few weeks of crying and eating ice cream would have seemed normal. Instead it felt like nobody understood why I was taking it so hard. Our society's heirarchy of relationships has romantic relationships at the top and thinks it's weird for friendships to be given equal importance.
Whew, I needed this one! Still trying to recover from what I call friendship PTSD of bad friendship breakups causing me to be afraid to create new ones.
Ahhh same. I feel like I'm dramatic from it but I feel terrified
Literally same girl
me rn cause i feel like they just gonna leave any way
I really needed to see this today. I’m currently going through a friendship breakup with two friends who I thought would be my lifelong buddies. It hurts a lot, so it’s nice to see a video like this
Same for me girl.
me too
Same!!
girl same!!!! I'm not an adult (turning 19 next month) but I'm glad Carrie made this video
same
Over the last couple years, I realized there is nothing more toxic than staying in a friendship that is solely based on longevity. I want to be friends with people that I can respect and admire. When people keep making questionable decisions and bring drama into my life, that's when I'm like nope!
I’ve had many friendship breakups. Actually had one super recent. I’m someone that reaches out all the time. I believe that friendships are also relationships that need to be maintained and put effort into. But not everyone feels that way. And it can feel like they don’t care about you as much as you care about them. You end up feeling used because they will only text you or call you when they want something from you because they know that you’ll always be there for them, even when they are not there for you. At some point, you have to realize that that person is not worth keeping in your life. You’re better without them.
Agreed ❤️❤️❤️
One sided friendships are the worst
Better off without them …a note to self
Idk I think you're both better off without eachother. You're obviously more needy than they can handle and while that's not your fault or bad it just doesn't fit them. Neither of you are being bad friends or even one sided you just don't mesh as friends. I also personally know people that say it was a one sided friendship when in reality its because they considered someone a friend when the other person never did to begin with. Sometimes we have to accept that some people are acquaintances and not friends.
@@trashbasket11 That's also what makes friendships many times really difficult to navigate. In romantic relationships, it's usually quite clear when the dating starts and when it ends. But with friendships, it's not always announced that "hey we're like close friends now!" or when the friendship is clearly deteriorating. It's definitely common to view somebody as a close friend when they didn't even think about it like that themselves. It still makes it valid to grieve and feel bad about losing that person, because in your mind that friendship was real and deep, even if the other person didn't view it like that. And it might not be possible to stay as acquaintances if that loss of friendship is too painful to overcome.
Friendship breakups and friendships themselves are just as important and life changing as romantic relationships and I'm really glad that we are finally treating them that way! As I've gotten older I have definitely experienced friendships ending and sometimes they just fade away and other times it's been a legitimate breakup. I've even been ghosted by a close friend before 😅
My close friend recently ghosted me 😂 it stung I won't lie
Definitely been ghosted by someone I considered a close friend too. It sucks but time definitely helps 💓✨
Me too! I've been ghosted. You're not alone. ❤️
Same here ❤️❤️❤️
WOW! Ghosted? I’m proud of you that you got past that. I think maybe that’s happening to me . Im not gonna chase it . Thank you for sharing
As I've gotten older I've had to learn that some friendships end because they ran their course. I have many former friends who I don't talk to anymore but never had a falling out with or anything so we have a mutual respect for one another to this day. I was sick a few years ago and had a former friend reach out and it meant so much to know that they still care for me despite us losing touch over the years. I hope to be that person to others, the person who reaches out and lets people know that I still care even if we aren't close.
I haven’t watched yet but I’m grateful you’re talking about this. Friendship break ups hurt. My ex best friend and I stopped talking a while ago and honestly my heart is broken. It’s like a break up in terms of pain with none of the closure or real understanding from people around you.
Totally in the same situation!! I'm glad I'm not alone!
Totally the same situation ❤️❤️❤️
So relatable! I lost some friends after my mom died and again after my dad died. Not everyone can handle someone else's pain and grief, and death dramatically changed me and my personality. I'm a new person, and honestly they weren't there for me and our lives/friendship didn't fit together in the same way. I love the phrase: People are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
My dad died of cancer when I was 25. I'm turning 34 in November. I lost a partner and friends because of it. Grief terrifies a lot of people and after my dad died I changed. I saw the world differently and I made it a priority to live my life and not settle. A lot of people are uncomfortable because of the path I've chosen (they would prefer I follow a more traditional path). Hard pass.
I love that quote!!! Sorry for your losses ❤️ hang in there and be kind to yourself!
Yep so true went though this when my dad died lost many friends .
My biggest heartbreak ever was a best friend breakup. I was getting to the point of walking on eggshells around her and eventually said something really thoughtless that hurt her very badly. I tried to apologize over and over but she wouldn't really accept it. Eventually, we talked again and now we drop each other a line every once and a while but sadly it changed our relationship forever. My advice to anyone trying to reconcile a friendship is to not be afraid to take ownership for the hurt you caused someone. Sincerely apologize and if they don't accept it, you've done everything you can. Gradually that hole will get filled by others but like any other grief or loss, it takes TIME. Hope you're all doing well. Big hugs to anyone that needs one. 💛
Thank you for sharing this! I did the same thing with my best friend and our relationship has never been the same since.
Yes yes yes to this. I'm currently breaking up with an entire friend group (5+ people) after finding out they protected one of the guys in the friend group who laid hands on a woman. Inexcusable. He's a garbage person and anyone who protects him is too
I am in a super similar situation. It really freaks me out that all these people I was close to are ok with and protecting a pedophile and now I have lost friendships including one that was a best friend ever since childhood.
Same, partners bestie from childhood was outted as a wife beater and somehow we are the only ones that don't want to he around him.
In my 60's and I have 1 best friend. We've been friends since we were 7. On and off in some seasons of life, but we always end up back being really close. One is all I really need.
Aw that's sweet. I'm 29 and me and my best friend met when we were 11. It was love at first meeting.
We've been on and off a couple times in the past but we always end up back together, we always make time to talk and send each other funny videos. Shes married with a 2 year old now so I'm always thankful when she can make time to talk.
I think people take friendships for granted not realising that sometimes you need to work on them just like in romantic relationships. If the relationship is worth working on ofc.
This past year I graduated college and suddenly felt like I lost every friend from college because I moved away from the college town and started a full time job. It hurts more than any relationship I’ve ever had and makes me second guess everything. I’m still struggling with coping with it, so thank you so so much for this video. I really needed it & find comfort in the comments knowing others feel like same.
I graduated from college 5 years ago and the same thing happened to me, so I know how you feel. I think in college we have a lot of situational friendships- that doesn't make them fake or bad, it just means that when your situation changes, it's hard to maintain the same level of friendship. Especially when distance is involved! I lowkey lost touch with a group of close girlfriends for a couple years after graduation, but we recently re-connected and they ALL came to my wedding last month! We all live in various cities from the west coast to the midwest so its hard, but one thing that helped us reconnect was implementing a 2x month virtual hangout. It was low pressure- if you couldn't join that week, no one was mad or anything but it was great to see at least 1 other person from that friend group every couple of weeks. Even if we just stayed on for 30 mins, it really helped us bond again. Trying this with some old friends from college might help you! I've found that setting aside intentional time helps me, because if I don't schedule it in, I'll just keep "putting it off". Sorry for the long message, I just really remember that feeling right after college and wanted to connect with you!
Just wanted to say thank you so much for this comment. I feel the exact same way - just graduated this past year and moved across the country for a job. It was disorienting and kind of scary to move away from the community and friendships I’d built, but on the bright side it made me feel so strong to realize I was stepping out on my own, as hard as it was (and still is)!. I hope you’re doing well and that you find amazing friends in your new place!
I can totally relate ❤️❤️❤️
What you said about ADHD + friendship = feeling like you're just never going to be a good friend, as well as adapting to your environment to belong, hit me square between the eyes. I swear I feel like I can breathe more freely after hearing someone else express that it happens to them too. Cheers to going where we are wanted
Also something that I've learned and carried with me, especially recently, IF THEY WANTED TO, THEY WOULD!! I cant stress this enough. Like Carrie said, go where you are wanted! its the least we deserve😌❤️
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
So true!
That comment about a friendship breakup where you feel like you lost a part of yourself when the friendship ended….so true. 💕
Worst break up of my life was with my high school best friend. I was in so much pain and heartbreak and it felt super lonely because no one around me seemed to give it the same space and love they would have if it had been a romantic break up. But honestly, it hurt more, we had been besties for 10 years. That was over 12 years ago now and I feel healed from it fully but it took patience and time and letting myself grieve. Thanks for this video Carrie. Big hugs to anyone going through this. ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for this. Letting go of a best friend I had for years because it was very one sided and I'm so much happier because of it but I definitely have times when I really miss her and wish she cared as much as I did. Friendship breakups aren't talked about enough!
❤️❤️❤️
Going through a really bad friendship breakup with someone who has been a part of my life for 4 years and to whom I shared and told everything to. It's only been a few days so I'm still very much rooted in grief, but I know he had to leave me for his own good. I respect him and am so thankful for all the memories and experiences we have shared these past years. I will always look back fondly on our time together, but right now I just miss him so so so much. I really thought he would be a friend for life and not just a couple of years. I love him and really wish him nothing but the best. This video has really helped me see that although I am drowning in my grief for our friendship that sometimes these things just happen. But I know I will always love him, and that one day I will meet someone who loves me the same way that I love him. I know eventually, I will be okay, and that he will be too. He will never read this, but Elvin, I love you.
I felt this, I'm in a transitional period right now. Reevaluating my life & the people in it. Letting go of a lot of people and things that don't serve me anymore.
I’m now in a similar position. Very stressful tbh. Updates?🙂
When you do this do you tell the person or just not respond to text as much? How do you go about doing this?
Biggest heartbreak of my life was between myself and a friend. Friendship can be and often is as intimate and life changing as romantic love. Of course when we grow, these relationships can change, and some even end. I’m thankful to be at an age where I value and protect my own peace enough to be at ease with how relationships evolve and choose to include people in my life who make me feel valued+loved. For me this also has to do with me working on my skills as a communicator and realizing I can express my needs + move on if I need to ❤️
Same! Hurt way more than breaking up with any boy ❤️❤️❤️
I really appreciate you making this video. I’m 34 and have just gone through losing 3 of my 4 bestest long term friends. They were also my bridesmaids at my wedding. It got to the stage where they genuinely didn’t seem to care about me anymore. My Nanna died, and they couldn’t care less, even after telling them I was struggling. It’s been EXTREMELY hard, to the point I almost had a breakdown and am now on antidepressants. HOWEVER, I’m now at a stage where I can see these people weren’t proper friends, they were my longest friends, but by no means my nicest or best friends. And I’ve let that go now, mentally. I feel a weight lifted, and can see they never truly cared for me, perhaps it was the fizzling out of the friendships or the fact people change. I don’t know… but what I DO know now is that they belittled me, they made fun of me, they always had an issue with my opinion on something… it was toxic, and I’m sooo much better off without that constant negativity in my life x
I have to have friends who are okay with not hearing from me for months at a time and just go about their lives and things are all good when we do reconnect. I'm very bad about getting lost in the day to day and forgetting to reach out to people. I've had friends in the past who were not okay with that and would complain and make passive aggressive comments about how they never hear from me. I feel like now I have a good supportive small group of tight friends who get it and live their own lives and love me for me.
I am older than most of your viewers. What you said is true. People come and go in your life. They make you stronger and better.. Even if the breakup was bad you come out with a stronger view of yourself. People change. Remember no matter how bad you are a beautiful and wonderful person. Love and hugs everyone.
I definitely needed this…i lost 2 of my very best friends in a span of 2 months.
Both ended super abruptly and I have never felt more alone.
❤️❤️❤️
This was so helpful. I just told a friend that I'd like to take a step back from our friendship for a little while. It was so so hard. I found this video because I have felt guilty all day for making a genuinely lovely person feel sad. It's hard to feel grounded in the very real reasons I made this choice when it hurt someone. This was the reminder I needed that this is normal. Thank you.
This is so timely...I have had so many friendships end over the past year. It's been heartbreaking for some, and relieving for others. Right now, it seems to be the universe is pushing me to be more of a friend to myself!
Honestly I never thought I’d lose friends during a pandemic! I thought it might bring people closer together and add value to each other. But there’s been quite a few breakups simply because I’m vaccinated and regard COVID as real. It’s wild.
Maybe it's your attitude of seeing yourself as superior than others. We all think that we're always "in the right" but maybe try to see from the other person's perspective.
That's a stupid reason for them to end a friendship
I was ghosted by a best friend a couple years ago and it was honestly the worst heartbreak I've gone through, but I got through it and can look back at the relationship and see the flaws in retrospect
I was also ghosted!! And it was so weird! She replaced me with two other people and whenever I tried to hang or talk with her she was very short and cold. Other people started asking me about it and I told them that she was busy with work etc. It wasn’t until I finally realized that our relationship wasn’t going to go back to how it once was. We literally did everything together and I don’t regret any of it I just wish it didn’t hurt so bad. I cried for months. I decided to message her but then found out she had unfollowed me on Instagram and Facebook. It sucks but I need to move on.
This is SOOOO relatable to my life right now
I literally needed this video. This October will be the one year "anniversary" of me ending a 20+ year old friendship. And it was literally because of the way she was acting during the pandemic and because she was telling other friends in our friend group that I was a mom shamer. It was the worst day of my life. I don't think anything has ever hurt me more than being called mom shamer by my best friend and then having to end the friendship because of it.
me and my friend stopped after 16 years during the pandemic as well
@@kaylaalexander6499 it's so so hard. I still love her too which is what I think the worst part is. Like if she called me right now and said I need you or I need help, I'd drop everything and be there for her. 😭
I'm so sorry you're going through it as well. At least we've got this community to keep our spirits up and to vent and confide in.
@@mandajones8052 Oh completely!! We've been best friends since we were 4 and we do occasionally talk from time to time when we send each other a tiktok lol, but its pretty rare.
It was 2 months ago when I ended a 7 year friendship with my best friend. I thought she was always going to be there, but I realized how negatively draining it was and how unhappy I was. I knew it was over a few months before I ended it. I’m proud of myself for speaking up and establishing boundaries at the end. You can still care for them after the fact, but sometimes things aren’t meant to be anymore. Also on top of that, I met someone amazing and so healing during my lowest points after. She’s a great friend and it’s crazy how life works sometimes. I call us spirit sisters ❤️✨!
I really needed this. Sometimes I find myself thinking "Oh I need to text x/y/z people because we haven't talked in a bit." Not because I have anything of importance to say but because I feel a need to maintain these friendships that should have been allowed to naturally drift out--through neither party's fault. It's hard to realize you can't keep every friendship you make, it's completely unrealistic.
I’m literally in a breakup right now with my best friend of over 10 years… this video could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much Carrie ❤️
Same here but we were friends for 20 years and she was my MOH & this popped up on my explorer - I think TH-cam is reading my texts 😅😂
@@SamanthaTwist omg I relate hard to this
@@SamanthaTwist how are you doing right now if you don’t mind me asking. Starting to enter a similar situation with a best friend and I feel very alone already and wondering if I’ll regret my decisions
I've had many friendship breakups and I feel great. I realizes that many of them were toxic and I needed to take time to work on myself. If it's meant to be, it will be. The best is yet to come. Thank you for talking about this topic, no one talks about it.
Not me crying because I needed to hear all of this right now 😭😭😭 thank you for speaking on this! ❤
❤️❤️❤️
I was actually shocked by how many friends I lost with no warning when I was taking care of my parents before they passed. Some had been my friend for decades. It's much more difficult to make new friends in your 50's. I do have several friends that have been in my life since being a kid so I am fortunate.
❤️
I’m in my 30’s and lost almost all of my friends when I became my grandparents caregiver!
I didn’t and still don’t totally understand what happened.
People I’d been friends with for 20+ years.
I’m sorry that happened to you ❤️
@@amys6422 I'm so sorry you went through that too. I'm at a loss as to how people can be friends for decades and then just walk away. You're definitely the type of friend I would want. Such a loving caring person. 💕
this feels like a therapy session and it’s so nice to hear all of this because i’m currently trying to move on from a friendship breakup that just drifted apart and i’m heartbroken that they never confronted me about it.
Thank you sooo much for talking about this and normalizing this. I still remember the first time I went through a friendship breakup and googling whether friendship breakups should hurt as much as a relationship breakup, wondering if there was something wrong with me. It also made me so scared to make new close friends and commit to that friendship because I was afraid they’ll leave again.
yes i love this topic!! no one talks about friendships fading, especially the ones that have been around for a while. I'm at the point in my life where if a friend doesn't want to hang out with me and doesn't make the effort to see me, I don't need them around. You want to have friends that want to be a part of your life, not ones that are just there to be there. Thanks so much for this video Carrie ❤️
listening to this really helped me process a recent friend break-up. thank you
Thank you so much for this!
I’ve been struggling since 2020 with a friendship breakup, my best friend decided to stop talking to me because of a misunderstanding that I didn’t even know how it started, but I ended up being so sad that I didn’t even try to talk to her. Now I feel that we grew so much apart during 2021 that it doesn’t make any sense to try to get back with the friendship anymore, we are almost totally strangers (with unfollowing on social media and etc being there to remind and hurt even more) . After all of this I realized what it was one-sided and it hurts even more. Sometimes I feel that I will never get over it, but hearing you talking about it came at the right time.
Thanks for this Carrie 💕✨
My best friend in high school stopped talking to me when I left for college out of state. She was upset I would leave her. I haven’t seen her since and I’ve tried to reach out over the years but she never seems interested. Makes me sad but by now we’re just living very different lives in our 30s. We had the time of our lives in high school and I will cherish those memories!
Felt this. I had to cut off a pretty toxic friendship of 10 years semi recently. Sometimes after hanging out, I would receive paragraphs of what I did wrong during that hangout and how rude I was being. I could never voice how I felt without everything being turned around on me and it always made me feel like I was a terrible person, everything though I always tried helping them out and being there for them, but finally pulled back when I realized it wasn’t appreciated or reciprocated.
Wow I can relate to this so much. Last year, I cut off a 10 year friendship that was exactly like this
@@chloes8896 here for you ❤️ it definitely gets easier to not want to go back into that cycle once you realize how toxic it was
@@malloryyt thank you ! Here for you too !! That’s so true, I couldn’t imagine going back and being friends with this person again. Glad we’re out of these toxic situations !
This is just something I really needed to hear. I feel like no one prepares you for these relationships and after college I learned the hard way that some friendships do really fizzle out and it is just life. I think it hurts the worst when you get ghosted in a friendship, which happened to me with a friend group after college. To anyone going through something like this, it gets better I promise
Thank you Carrie! Just watched this and it made me emotional. All of my best friends have moved away from me in the last 3 years and I’ve been feeling all of the feels about how to cultivate new relationships. If any of you live in or around Chicago I’d love to grab a coffee/drink or meet up at the thrift! 🤍✨👏🏼
Hi Carrie. After watching this I realized how many friendship breakups I had through the years and it is a good thing because I kept my "true" friends. And due Love love love everyone.
Thank you for this video!
My best friendship advice would be talk to your friends about your love languages. Make sure you are showing up for them in the ways they need and communicate the ways you feel loved.💖
As I get older the people I can actually count on, love and know me through and through, can be counted on one hand. Quality over quantity even if it hurts, it’s for the best for sure! Thanks for talking about this 🥰
I love this!! This is so true!! 🙌🏼 I'm a high school teacher, and what I'm going to take from this video is the phrase "you haven't met everyone that will love you yet." That hit home! I deal with a lot of drama at work (I'm not like the other teachers, I'm a "cool " teacher 😜), and honestly I don't know where the trust from my students comes from. They always want to talk to me about their problems, they always share things with me, and one of the things that happens the most is these "friendship breakups." And for them, as teenagers that are going through so many biological and psychological changes AS WELL AS A FREAKING PANDEMIC, it's devastating; I always try to comfort them with the fact that they don't even know half their class yet and they can find so many friends in kids they haven't talked to yet. Thank you for this video, Carrie! If you don't mind, I'm going to recommend it to the next student that comes to me with friendship drama.
carrie i struggle SO BAD with morphing into whatever i think someone wants me to be and i find that all of my relationships are inauthentic because i can never just be truly myself. i’m trying to work on this too and it feels good to know that other people experience this as well 🥺💛
this really helped me in a way i didn’t know i needed to heal still. i love you carrie
I related to everything you said in this video and it came at a perfect time. I recently made the decision to break up with a friend and had been feeling guilty and having doubts and feeling like a terrible person over it. But this video reaffirmed my decision to end things and made me feel so much better about it. The friendship wasn’t very reciprocated and I think she was just a friend for the moment but not someone that I really align with anymore, and I’m learning that that is perfectly okay. Thank you for making this video, it really helped me 💖
This was reassuring. I don’t feel as alone reading through some comments.
I give a lot to people in my life. And being a giver is just in my heart I love loving and caring. I’ve never minded not having that many friends. But as an adult I feel pretty evolved as a good and better friend than in my past and I’m still learning but the friends I make just don’t seem to value the type of person I am.. I’m pretty ok with this but don’t get me wrong it gets lonely. I just hope anyone reading this who can relate: be you and the loving you that you are people will come and go but you’re a good person don’t take things personal. Sometimes people are just going through their own things.
💗
I can relate to this soo much! I completely agree. Some of those loses are worse than a relationship break up. It is definitely harder to make friends this day and age.
I relate to this in alot of ways! I've had many friendships that have just ended whether good or bad. I noticed it especially after I got married but I look it as hey you found your best friend (my husband) and you have the one person who's always there for you no matter what. I agree with you on the whole feeling of what did I do wrong and that it seems like a one way street. Mine is all family related when it comes to this type of thing but I know exactly what your feeling. Everything does get better in time.
I had to pause mid-way through the video to mention that this couldn't have come at a better time. I, unfortunately, just yesterday came to the realization that I had to let one of my old friends go. It hurts my heart because I really care for them and I felt this insane connection to them, but it's been a one-sided friendship with me doing all of the heavy lifting for so long that it no longer feels good to me.
It's really tough because this sort of connection happens rarely for me, and I tend to want to hold on for as long as I can. But it comes to a point where, as Carrie said, if you're constantly wondering whether you're even welcomed into their lives anymore or if you feel like you're bothering them, you have to sit down and analyse whether it's worth your time and energy anymore.
Unfortunately for me, the answer was no, it's not worth it anymore. And though it's painful, I have to remind myself that this is normal, it happens and it's no one's fault. It's just making room in my life for the next great connection to come in.
OH - how I needed this big sis advice 🌻
Thank you for talking about this! I have a friendship that is kind of ending rn, so watching your video helped me releasing some of the guilt that I am feeling!
Thank you, Carrie. I know I specifically asked for you to chat about your experiences with this and I really appreciate your perspective. As always, ❤ya girl!
I can relate to this one so many levels. Thank you for putting into word what I've been feeling, especially in this pandemic.
This video has helped me a lot- I’ve got friends who I love but our friendships have faded and we no longer speak on a regular basis. It’s so reassuring that other people have been through the same thing and has challenged the thoughts that there is something wrong with me
Can I just say, that you have been one of my favorite TH-camrs throughout the years, no matter what topic you talk about, if I agree/disagree you are always respectful and I love your mindset, always clicking, thank you for staying positive:)
Thank you for talking about this. I always felt like I had trouble with friendships when I was younger. But it's nice to know others felt the same way.
I know right!? I thought it was just me
i’m feeling like we need a Big Sis Carrie life advice podcast!!!
YES
Thank you so much for making this. I’ve had so much shame over friend breakups.
Carrie is such a comfort youtuber for me & the sit down chatty videos always pick me up so much
I’ve never felt more seen than your description of adapting to certain friends. Finding people who you can be your authentic self with and feel comfortable is the TOTS!
Im so thankful you are bringing up this topic, because almost NO ONE is talking about this. ❤️
I learned in high school that some friendships have an expiration date and damn if it doesn't hurt, but sometimes you have to move on. I've also learned that sometimes friends pop in and out of your life, which can be great! I've had 2 friends since elementary school that I lost touch with but we got back together as adults, it was quite a surprise but has also been really nice!
Literally crying watching this, how do you always post these big sis advice vids EXACTLY when I need them?!
My Bisexual British ass constantly petitioning to be Carries best friend bc I live in the US one state over so she doesn't have to put any effort into a friendship OR miss the UK anymore during the pandemi lovato. Honestly though, a v important video. Missed your big sis chats, Carrie!!!!
I was also diagnosed with ADHD later in life. 100% vibing with what you're saying. My take (additional thoughts on the topic, as to not repeat the things you have said): I have often been perplexed in my life as well with 'friendship breakups' or things like that. At the moment, (post diagnosis, abt a year ago), my discussions with my therapist are centered around my difficulty with friendships/non-romantic relationships. This category has certainly improved immensely over the years, but I still have trauma related responses to small altercations with other individuals, not knowing how to deal with them. Simple misunderstandings cause me to lose sleep. I guess a lot of ADHDers suffer from what is called 'rejection sensitivity.' It is a proper diagnosis. I'm not trying to dwell on this at all, but it has given me a lot of perspective on my own ADHD and the way others can perceive it. A lot of ADHD traits can blend in as personality traits, and people treat us as such, especially if the individual is undiagnosed. Positive traits are often over-praised, and the negative ones are condemned. To the non-diagnosed ADHDer, it seems we are getting rejected a lot based on 'who we are.' Realizing I have ADHD has given me a lot of piece on this topic but has also helped me to advocate for myself when establishing new friendships or maintaining current ones.
I’ve had several friendship breakups, but I think the hardest one for me was letting go of my best friend from college after I graduated. Some negative feelings formed towards the end and our lives just went in completely different paths. When I look back though, I wouldn’t change it for anything, because my college experience was just that much better with her in it. We made so many unforgettable memories that I would never trade. I try to think of it as we were in each other’s lives for a season for a reason. And it’s given me a lot of peace as I moved on from that friendship.
Felt this! 100%
Well I came across this video really late, but I wanted to say that you really helped validate my feelings around losing respect for some of the people in and around your life who are handling the pandemic so irresponsibly. I keep seeing posts on Facebook and such, that are like "no matter what we disagree on, I will never block and delete you, and I won't let this get in the way of our friendship"
And it makes me feel like actual garbage because IT IS affecting my friendships and the people I have in my life. I cannot sit and watch the way some have handled it and not question everything. This pandemic has really shown a lot of true colors.
Anyway I hope that makes sense. Thank you for bringing that up.
thank you for this. i have experienced this many times, and have felt heartbroken. this poem by rupi kaur always helps me. love you carrie
Thank you Carrie, you always put me at ease with your wonderful advice and input. Thank you for existing!
Thank you thank you thank you Carrie. This is such a majorly invaluable perspective on an issue that people just don’t talk about. I’m currently going through a divorce and moving to a new state, and my best friend of 6+ years ghosted me as soon as I started struggling. I’m learning to let go and realize that not all relationships are made to last, but the good memories will last a lifetime. Thank you Carrie 🥰
I just want to say thank you for this and you’re so adorable today!
I am not an adult yet, but I know that losing friends is hard. Thank you for this
It's like Carrie knows what's going on with me sometimes!! Dealing with a friendship breakup has been hard especially during this pandemic!
Needed this today!! Thank you thank you thank you. We just do not talk about this enough. I would take a bullet for her but I don’t want to spend our time wondering if I’m doing enough to be her friend. So true!
Love you Carrie! Your videos are always a place I go to when I feel like I need a good fashion-related video or a relatable YT friend! Thank you.
Im going for a friendship break up it really sucks, it doesn’t feel like I’m whole anymore and this whole video made me so happy to hear that I’m not the only one that feels that way. I love the saying “you haven’t met everyone who love you yet” it feels so soothing
Didn't realize how much I needed this video. Had to break off so many relationships this past year as the trauma of this year has revealed so many hearts of the people I thought I knew. Drawing the lines and leaving behind relationships that are not worth keeping has been so devastating. Especially because it's basically been leaving a whole community. Most of my closest friends now are my online friends 💕
Same ❤️❤️❤️
wow i needed this today, earlier this morning i was thinking about a friendship i lost years ago and I still feel sad about it :/
This could not have come at a better time!
Currently going through a painful, abrupt ending of a dear friendship and it’s been a difficult healing journey that I’m still trying to navigate
I know it had to happen so I could move onto this entirely new chapter of my life but I still can’t help but grieve all the good times and things we always talked about for our “future” that is now happening for me but suddenly she’s not part of it which makes hitting certain milestones bittersweet
Thankyou so much for talking about this and making me feel like it’s normal and I’m not alone, as losing that important friendship can feel extremely isolating
Sending so much love to you for shedding light on this topic and to everyone else out there going through it 💕
Thank you Carrie for bringing this up! This is a topic that never gets enough attention or advice. People always talk about romantic relationships ending but don’t shed a light on “friendship breakups.” It’s hurt me more than any romantic breakup and it’s soooooo silent. I was friends with someone for almost 25 years and when I was in nursing school I was extremely busy and she didn’t understand. I was blamed for a lot of it and apologized for things I didn’t even do just to “salvage” the friendship. I found out our friendship was truly over when she unfriended me on everything. A few years later I met with her to talk and she continued to blame me for things that didn’t even happen. I apologized for how I made her feel but stood my ground and refused to admit to things I know for a fact I didn’t say or do. It hurt so bad because we were practically family and now we are complete strangers.
This happened to me again last year with a work friend of about 3 years. Right before the pandemic began we did so much together. I wasn’t paying enough attention to her patterns with other friendships even though they were right in my face. Everything changed literally the day when I said I was going to apply to the ICU (I’m a nurse and she is a tech). She picked a fight with me at work (which I immediately was confused by and asked her what was wrong). She continued to avoid me for 3 months despite me reaching out over and over again. I noticed the same thing was happening again and I even questioned if i was the problem. Spoiler alert: I’m not perfect, but I was not the issue lol. She actually gaslit TF out of me. Accused me of being hysterical (didn’t happen and I literally had “witnesses” to validate me). She was even making stuff up about things in the past that I witnessed first hand. Once I transferred units she literally unfriended me on everything… I asked her about it calmly and maturely and her response was: “I don’t even talk to my parents and I live with them. I refuse to talk to you about this at this time”. That was the push I needed to respect myself and my worth. It still stings over a year later, but I would NEVER be friends with this person again. Especially after gaining a lot of perspective on how she really treated people.
When this second friendship was ending, my mom actually pointed out that this person reminded her of the person in the first story 💀
This was the video I didn't know I needed today. 100% relatable. Thank you!
I've read before that friendships run in 5-7 year cycles and I've found that to be true for some of my closest friendships. I have some regrets about the way I ended a 10-year friendship that had gotten to a point where I felt I was the only person putting in effort: I didn't realize at the time that I should have just naturally letting the friendship end instead of doing so myself. But at the end of the day, that relationship wasn't salvageable, and it's taken me awhile to realize that.
This came at the perfect time. I really needed to hear this. Always love your honesty, Carrie
I really struggled with this for a year. During our year abroad as exchange students, my friends treated me like an outsider. It was particularly hard because I was in a foreign country for the first time and I didn't know many people there. It was definitely a one-sided friendship.
Thank you for this video ❤️ I’m currently going through this with someone who has been a friend since I was 7 years old, sadly it’s become toxic and I realized it’s time to let it go.
This is such an important video and everyone needs to know these things about the natural progression of different friendships. Society makes it seem like it’s normal to just make friends with someone and be friends forever, that happens occasionally but most of the time people go in and out of your life depending on the circumstances. And that’s fine.
So excited for this video. Back when you previously (maybe in vlogs) mentioned friendship breakups, I felt it really relatable and timely. Love your perspective and agree so much on your points. Especially that finite floating on a planet in space sentiment 😂.
Thank you for this video. I always feel like a bad human if friendships don’t work out. You’re right it is normal to loose friends. People do go in different directions and that’s ok
I ended my first adult relationship (she had unresolved toxic behaviors that she wouldn’t address) and didn’t see her before I moved across the country. I was feeling sad about it today and this video feels meant for me ❤️
I cannot get over how beautiful you look in this! I also cannot agree more with all of these points
Omg. This video could not have come at a better time. Thank you. Very much needed this. Going through something similar in my life rn. And thank you for reminding me that this is completely normal. Also that quote, damn, needed that today.