Brown U Student Shares His Story Of Sexual Assault
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- It was Andrew's sixth day of his freshman year at Brown University when he was assaulted by a male student in his dorm bathroom. When Andrew brought on-campus charges, his assailant was permanently expelled.
Unlike myriad students who report mishandled cases in the burgeoning national campaign against sexual assault, Andrew initially believed his case was handled appropriately.
But after further research from The Huffington Post revealed Andrew’s assailant had previously been found accountable for two other cases of sexual misconduct and not expelled, Andrew was devastated.
Andrew has decided to share his story in hopes that victims of assault -- and specifically male victims -- be taken more seriously.
“It’s time to include male survivors’ voices,” he said. “We are up against a system that’s not designed to help us.”
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I was assaulted in 1982. I am glad times are changing where a man can be open and heal from being a victim. I still struggle with healing. I am now 54.
Timothy Gallemore I’m so sorry. I hope you can find peace soon. Just know your life is so much more than that one terrible incident.💜
I was assaulted the last year, and i'm struggling to keep my old lifestyle, i don't date men anymore, i just stopped having casual sex, cause the idea to be with another man makes me sick
Jesus Christ I’m so sorry for that
May Allah help u 😔
Thank you for sharing it’s always disappointing to see that no one cares about male rape victims I wish we got more respect
Men Too!!!!!!!!! Yes this does happen to men. This Does happen to little boys!!!!! I can’t count how many men have share their stories with me. Women babysitters, their moms drunk friends🥃 their moms, grandmothers, aunts, The preachers wife, and the list goes on and on!!!! I am very old!!!! These men are very brave today!!! They share their stories for the world to see🌎 they will save lives, they will make a difference. Inspirational !!!!!!!!!!!! Men ☮️
Faith Kaisiepo ikr?! And women say they want equality…😒😔
Tina Baker When we blame GIRLS for what we wear we blame men for not being able to fight back.😤
@@sherryjackson8474 Don't people like you ever tire? Girls are not blamed for what they wear. Anyone that thinks raping a girl is dependent on what she was wearing is insane. Sane people don't think that way. So I say, stop throwing out nonsense.
Yes I searched up men s****l harrasment reports even men experience these stuff
Same bro happend to me when I was in kindergarten by a women teacher I feel sad and embarrassed
Man that’s just horrible. I’m sorry for what happened to him and every victim of sexual assault
Why you are sorry for Andrew is stunning to me. Yes, every victim of sexual assault should be respected for what they have gone through. Willingly walking into a bathroom stall with another man to have sex, regretting it later, and making a claim of sexual assault is revolting behavior. Don't want to have sex, don't go into bathroom stalls and have sex of your own free will. Just say no and/or walk away.
If the other guy told Andrew to jump off a bridge would Andrew have jumped? What about the guy in the bathroom stall made Andrew go in with him? Could it be that he wanted sex so he went into one of the most profoundly private places known universally, where one defecates? Why is this not obvious. If anything, both young men should have been put on suspension for getting it on in a public place wherein Innocent students rightfully expect to be able to go to do their nonsexual bodily functions without having to deal with moans, groans, or whatever one does in private when engaging sex. Andrew, in my opinion, is no victim and did something indecent by calling this sexual assault.
@@Michael-te7fj Damn right!
@@mileshalpern9320 hey Michael so did you do this? Is that why your so upset and all over this page? You take this awfully personally....
@@austinballard6815 what are you talking about?
I’m so sorry not only for what happened but by some of the negative comments. You very brave to speak up. At the same time when we do, the fear and panic may/ mostly happens over and over. May you find peace 🕊
Where are the négative comment you are pointed????
I feel so sorry for him. Thank you Andrew for your story. I was the victim of sexual assault at the age of 10 by my own family member (Cousin) and to this day, it still haunts me.
For God's sake, you were a child. Andrew was a college student that had consensual sex in a college-dorm bathroom stall and later had the guy he had sex with thrown out of the school because he claimed (somehow) that he was the victim even though it was he (Andrew) that followed the other guy into the bathroom stall. Stop confusing real victims which you were, with this creep Andrew. Andrew had bad sex, regretted it, and made a sexual assault claim. Listen to him in his own pathetic words.
Jamal, Andrew in his own words had sex in a bathroom stall with another dude. The dude motioned to him to come into the stall and he did. What in the hell are you sorry for him for. What happened to you was when you were a child. How can you insult yourself by making such a comparison??
I was molested at the age of 5. It was 5-6 times in a period of about 2 weeks, he was 16. for the next 15 years, I still had nightmares of him entering my room. In my dreams he became a monster, who would kill me if I moved or said anything. My sister met this man at the age of 22, and a party. She knew who he was. She told me later he was well known in his city. He has kids now. I have never identified him, nor confronted him,my memories are so altered by years of nightmares, and years of fear, its hard for me to recall the specifics. I can not trust my own memories, nor my own recollection. I just remember shart pain, and bloody sheets after each attack by the monster. I never told the housekeeper, or my absent parents, Just my sister. I still am hyper modest, and will not be in a room with any many I don't know very well, and will not share a room with any one.
I am so sorry that happened. I wish you the best brother
Bloody sheets?? What happened to make blood come?! (If you don't mind asking..)
Hell is real, and he's going to find out. God saw it all.
Psalm 34:18 *"The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit."*
Matthew 11:27 *"Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."*
John 6:37 Jesus says *"Everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will NEVER drive away."* 🌱🙏🏽🤍
@@daniellelove9763 He was penetrated by an older larger boy.
The worst one happened when I was younger than 9. This man who was a family friend showed me his penis. I ran as fast as I could and told my mom, but she didn’t believe me at the time. I was a very unruly child always getting into trouble. Even though I had forgot the image. The emotion I can’t forget. Fear, and a great sense of betrayal. Because it was done by a family friend. Even when that person was out of my life when my mom told me he was getting married. My stomach turned. I have never mentioned this to my mom as an adult because I just want to keep it in the past. Parents please listen to your kids when they talk to you.
You were a child when that truly illegal event happened to you. This man was fully grown and willingly went into a bathroom stall with another man.
M. McC hardly a "fully grown" man.
You were under nine. Andrew was an adult and walked into a bathroom stall. One can say you were a victim but no one in their right mind can say Andrew was a victim. He followed the other guy into the stall and had "sex." Yes, in Andrew's own words, he had sex in the bathroom. He is a hysterical pathetic man to have regret of his sex and blame the other dude.
Sounds like your mom was the problem
I am a black belt in tae kwon do. I have fought against other black belts during tournaments & won, broken boards with both hands & my feet. I know how to defend myself. In my final year of college while living off campus I was raped. I am also a gay man & so was the other guy. It was a date gone way bad. He wanted & I didn’t & next thing.. well everyone knows what’s next. You were brave I didn’t press charges or anything.
I have shared this story with so many people, first year college students. If it can happen to me, YOU, it can happen to anyone. What I do know it was not our fault & we are not to blame for ANYTHING..
Stay strong my friend..
Trace
Why didn't you use your tae kwon do skills to defend yourself?
Wait what,?
@@MrSerendipity01 sorry it took so long to respond . When you have a certain color belt, red & higher you are listed in Washington DC & Atlanta Georgia as a lethal weapon. That’s because of years & years of training. Breaking board, sparring with another class mate so if it might happen, gun pulled or knife you can protect yourself rather than killed. The worst thing any person can do when help up with a knife or gun is get in a car with him. DO NOT EVER FOR ANY REASON GO TO ANOTHER LOCATION WITH THAT PERSON. THERE IS ALMOST a 90% you will be murdered or wished.
I am a gay good looking & it took only once, a few seconds to let my guard down. I knew better & for that only take responsibility. I never asked for anything from him, not even a kiss. The only reason I did not prosecute him was for what he said the next day when he was standing out next to my car. Yes I came inches from kicking & breaking his leg or jaw. But I would be in jail no matter what he had done. He had a huge personal problem & he needed help not jail time. It's been over 20 + years & yes we keep in touch. Now, he is a great guy & we both grew from that horrible time.
Not everyone should forgive, & personally if it was anyone other than him I would have prosecuted. I know it does not make logical sende, but for me, completely. Everyone makes mistakes & I would hope I would be given another chance. He never lied about anything & explained everything knowing if it got out what happened his famous career would probably end. Now if he would have tried to physically hurt me, total different story..
I hope this helps
T
@@goddestroyer3416 thanks for commenting on my posting. WOW …. I SHOULD NOT POST WHEN I'M EXHAUSTED.. THANKS AGAIN.
I am gay and if he did not want to do something sexual with him, why did he go into the stall?
HE WAS COERCED. BUT IF A PERSON SAYS I AM NOT INTERESTED...GAME OVER!!!
SEXUAL PREFERENCE IS IRRELEVANT...
I'm gay too. In our world, if you willingly go into a bathroom stall with another guy, it's on.
@@MandM-tb3lv it’s on like popcorn.
@@jahdagod5563how was he coerced? Please explain.
Sorry, but there is something a little off about his whole story.
Most young people are vulnerable especially if your shy...
Incredibly brave to share your story. Sorry you had to go through this at the beginning of your time at University. By sharing you have changed lives of others. This was posted 6 years ago - hope you are having an incredible life!! :)
I am truly sorry that happened to you, thank you for sharing for you’re story. The courage to speak up !
This guy is a strong and courageous man, because it must be difficult to speak out
He is a man in age but a child in mentality. He got off in a bathroom stall with another guy and ruined the guys life later. Both young men should have been reprimanded for having sex in the school's public bathroom. I would not want to use a bathroom wherein people are having sex in a stall. The school took an action under Title Nine to protect themselves from lunatics like Andrew. Older people know this is insane. You should to. There is no there-there with this story.
Thanks, strong,n courageous wow thanks, not sure if I fit that mold but thanks. The rape was a piece of a huge section of my life that if I did not talk about it I was going to go insane, not kidding. I had finally found the love that I never thought would come, well he found me. Orlando was my absolute, complete, my all. He was a captain in the AirForce. I was in the hospital for a pretty bad car accident, which led to a situation even worse when was given medication I was allergic. This lead to both lungs collapsing, liver doubling, eye lids attaching to the eye ball, spinal collumn shifting. After a surgery where I was not given any pain meds & was completely awake during the surgery. I saw the scalpel slice my cornea then the doctor used tweezers to pull the cut cornea off my eye, did the same to the other then left. I was put back in a room where I remember looking down seeing myself with tubes going in & coming out everywhere. As I leaned back it was like a window that I was looking down at myself. Then everything was so bright, blinding but it did not blind my eyes. I could feel the warmth welcoming with this great joy. Then a man's voice said it was not my time & in a flash I was back. 6 weeks I was in that hospital fighting to be released. Later I found out that that mixup was never checked to see in my medical records because it does say about my allergies. That I had a less than 10% chance to LIVE. That the doctor after finding about my allergies put me back on the medication after he had known what it had done. After forcing the doctor my release I went home hoping to see Orlando had returned from fighting at war but he was no where. So I called this government agency to locate troops during active duty. It takes about a month, so I waited & still nothing. So after those very long waiting period I called him. Such a great kind man explained that Orlando had died. I kept hearing this screaming coming somewhere, but I was home alone, & in a flash I realized that painful scream was coming deep within me.
There is so much more that I went thru. Years & years of depression that kept getting worse. So hard OMG no idea how bad all it was all happening at the same time.
It is getting late, or rather early here. Maybe we can talk again..
Trace
How does this qualify as sexual assault?
It doesn't.
I just want to hug him! I am a survivor as well!
Hug him? Why? This guy got laid in a bathroom stall after of his own free will having walked in there. These two with their homosexual copulation or whatever they were doing would expose other students to witnessing or hearing a sex act or at the very least see four legs in a stall when they walked into the bathroom. It's grotesque, albeit not the end of the world. Both these dudes should have received a warning from the school to stay out of sexual relations in the school's public areas.
You opend the door, you said nothing, you did nothing. Whatever happend to just say NO?
Stfu
Thank you for sharing your story, and for having the courage to go after your assaulter so that others may hopefully be saved. I hope you are able to heal from this experience.
Courage? This dude Andrew got off, regretted it, and destroyed the life of the guy he got off with.
@@Michael-te7fj
You’re blaming the victim and standing up for the assailant. This assailant did the same thing to others. He’s a sexual predator.
@@Michael-te7fj and there you are again
@@lennardusyoutube8505 Can we start with admitting that Andrew would never be fit for the military! Men that freeze up when asked to go into a stall are not men that could fight a hostile enemy. If we extrapolate from there, we can see Andrew should not be in an adult envir.
@@lennardusyoutube8505 cont. If your goal is to have a generation of weak men that cannot speak up for the dignity of their own body when asked to go into a stall, you are pro-infantilizing adults. We must, imo, make sure young adults are fit for adult situations. You are doing Andrew no favors in that indulging his histrionics is not good.
The guy motioned him into the cubicle ? So did he walk in by himself I didn't hear him say he was pushed in ? This doesn't sound right I wouldn't explain a sexual assault as doing things
Yeah like all the women coming out in the MeToo movement were "pushed in". Drop your filthy double standards.
That is pretty much a very weak and vulnerable area for a guy. So if someone grabs us there we are pretty much at their mercy. The pain can be intense easily inflicted. So he was sorta but not really held at gun point and was motioned to the stall. Plus the dude is in obvious fear. When fear has a grip on someone if the don’t run then they feel powerless.
@@RamKumar-yi6wn men are stronger than women though, they can fight back. There's no excuse for what happened to him
@@Straumnes Rape is not about imposing one's physical power on another but power play,there's a difference between the first being physical and the second psychological. You think not even a single young female Hollywood star coming out in MeToo was "physically" stronger than a washed up wrinkled geezer like Weinstein they are accusing ? Rape is not about physical strength always. If you think he cannot be a victim because it's a HE,then, putting it kindly, you're rather petty and ignorant.
This is his story to tell, not yours!
Doesnt quite sound like a non-consensual encounter
I have this story as well as I'm also a victim of Sexual assault like him at Einstein Dorms the Tel Aviv University Dorms in 2008 - 2009 as I seek a Psychiatric medicine and went to Psychological help from Tel Aviv University for 3 years - this Maniac was Sohel Awad from Tamrah Room E 44-43
Hey I was molested also you live in israel?
Psalm 34:18 *"The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit."*
Matthew 11:27 *"Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."*
John 6:37 Jesus says *"Everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will NEVER drive away."* 🌱🙏🏽🤍
There’s something about this story that doesn’t feel right to me. I’ve experienced sexual abuse as a child and was raped as a young adult. I volunteer my time in counseling/mentoring sexually exploited teens and rape survivors. I’ve heard the stories told by the victims themselves and yet somehow, I don’t feel as if this guy was actually raped or if he’s just trying to turn what he ultimately felt was an unsavory encounter into a story of rape. In telling it, he’s almost dead pan and the descriptions come across as studied. As if he read about how one might react after a sexual assault. Particularly when he talks about the auditorium filled with 5000 other students and how he felt “alone”and spoke of “tunnel vision” and his “throat clenching”. It didn’t come off as genuine, but instead rather cliché. When he talks about only having had five previous encounters with guys and then mentions with an air of disgust that this incident took place in a bathroom, you can almost see a very slight smirk cross his face when he begins telling it and then again at the very end. I watched a couple times just to see if I was merely projecting, but there’s no emotion in his eyes. No feeling conveyed, nor projected. There’s almost a disconnect to the recanting of the story itself as if told by someone who didn’t actually experience it. It seems strange that he seemed more mortified by where it happened rather then it happening at all. In all my experiences I’ve never heard someone speak in the way of location as a matter of importance. I also question his saying that “it all ended” when he read the letter in the Dean’s office. Trauma Isn’t something that suddenly disappears overnight. Over time you learn ways to deal with it and move beyond it, but it’s always there and forever will remain a part of you. It doesn’t just suddenly end. I know of people who have tried to turn sexual encounters into stories of sexual assault and I know of people who have flat out lied. I’m not saying that this guy is completely falsifying the incident, I’m just finding it hard to believe that he’s been entirely truthful.
Anthony Coca it seems rehearsed, but that could come from him having to tell the story so many times that he’s just speaking lines from a script.
Don’t base his story off of other stories you have heard. Everyone heals differently. Everyone tells their story crying, angry, or just plain out calm and “normal”.
I agree. Something seems off here.
I tend to agree that something in this story is off....being touched repeatedly against your will is technically "assault", however, saying he "motioned me into one of the stalls"??? after being groped?.....unless physically "dragged" leave.
George Yeck-Ozark Exactly. He had two choices. Either walk in one direction towards the exit, or the other direction, towards the stalls. Freely. Perhaps maybe with some slight reservation, but nonetheless willingly. The other guy wasn’t behind him shoving him in. Apparently he was already in the stall and non-threateningly motioned him over. He was bothered that it happened in a public bathroom, but gives absolutely no indication of any of it being forced.
Thanks Andrew, experienced that as a child and twice as an adult. people need to know that it is not ok, not for anybody, not anytime
His face expressions telling the pain he has gone through. N it's painful
One's experience of pain is subjective. It doesn't tell you what really transpired.
It is simple...if you do not consent then it is assault.
Oh please. If you're a grown man, heterosexual or homosexual, and another man motions to you to go into a stall or for that matter to jump off a bridge, if you do, your a moron and should not be in an adult environment. The school should have thrown Andrew out for daring to make this complaint and the grounds to expel Andrew could have been for getting off in a bathroom and potentially exposing other students to having to hear or see it.
@@Michael-te7fj
“Oh please” yourself. You are being so judgmental and ignorant. Some people mentally and physically freeze when sexual assault is happening. Not everyone has a fight or flight response and you don’t know if you’ll freeze or flight until you’re in that situation yourself. People who did freeze surprised themselves that they didn’t run when they thought their instincts would tell them to do that. When people freeze, their brain goes into autopilot and they space out as they follow the orders of the assailant out of fear.
You’re very keen on blaming and punishing the victim, saying he should have been the one expelled from the university and not the assailant. Your comment also comes across as homophobic with the disgust you expressed about any sexual activity happening in the men’s restroom. It’s apparent where your judgement is coming from.
@@Michael-te7fj
I looked into you and I see now why you are particularly angry about this case. I am sorry for what happened to you. I really am. But what happened to you does not mean that Andrew was making false accusations. Do false accusations happen? Yes, tragically they do. But they are rare. Most accusations of rape are true and most rapes are never reported.
Not all rapes happen the same way. Different people react differently. If you did not want it, it is rape. Being rejected does not excuse escalating the situation by grabbing the person’s genitals and doing sexual acts onto this person who already said no. It doesn’t matter after Andrew mentally froze when his genitals were grabbed that in his shocked state that he complied when the assailant motioned him into the stall. Andrew already said no. The assailant knew that. He didn’t care and then physically assaulted him. The assailant is guilty.
@@hindsightpov4218 When blacks and other minorities express opinions based on their experience, we do not discount their experience. The same should be permitted to the wrongly accused. That said, one's experience adds insight but can be challenged so you can challenge mine or anyone else's..
I would always thought Andrew is in the wrong. This is not complicated in my mind. He was not raped. He went into the stall and did not say no. He should not be an adult situation (a dorm) with such lacking maturity. Should I agree with your notion that he froze, which I don't buy, but should that be true, what kind of monster is Andrew to destroy the other person's life. The other person had reason to think Andrew was within the range of normal which would be someone that doesn't indicate "yes" when they mean "no." Where you are in error, is the notion that we must cater to the most disturbed people among us. We cannot, utopia is not a place. We cannot and must not cater to the hysterics among us. We can instead suggest that they get treatment and stay clear from adult situations they cannot manage.
Are you f==king kidding? If you walk into a bathroom stall in a dorm with another dude, have sex, you have consented. My God, the feminist talking points have got you hooked. You wrote this three years ago. I hope you have grown.
“It’s time to include male survivors’ voices” means more men need to speak up.
I'm not satisfied with the expulsion...he should be arrested and jailed.
Letting someone touch you and then regretting it later is not sexual assault and undermines those people who actually are sexually assaulted.
As a psychologist, allowing someone to touch you doesn't always mean consent. Some people have been abused so badly as children that they feel easily intimidated by sexually aggressive people and easily give in. Submission does not mean consent.
Wasbhe raped or not? I hope not.
John, as a psychologist, you suck. That's obviously not what happened there.
John, it may not always mean consent but we must not give into the histrionics and narcissists. They must get treatment and live in the normal world rather than have us rearrange sanity. Sex between a man and a woman is a wonderful thing, or for some, between the same sex.
For those that are not well enough to say no, they do not belong living away at school in a dorm environment. If a grown man cannot refuse going into a bathroom stall, he is not well and should be treated as such.
We don't make excuses for those that may have been so badly abused as children that they may be re-enacting through sexual aggressiveness rather we treat them at best, and imprison them. So as for Andrew, he needs treatment. To put it the old-fashioned way, someone needs to make a man out of him, not because he is gay, but because he is gay meaning implicit in these comments but unsaid, is that Andrew is not man enough to take a stand.
Men and women must be taught to say no and that no means no and everything else must be done away with. It's that simple. Respectfully, as a psychologist, I believe you are failing your patients by endorsing this behavior.
College students today are so coddled that they might as well have taken a CBT worksheet and flipped it in a quest to be as psychologically unfit as possible.
You are entitled to your opinion, but I will not stoop to your level. Some of us have class and regardless of what you say I believe him.
Why didn’t this guy beat the perps ass for assaulting him or push him away and leave?
Because, there was no perp. He followed the other guy into the bathroom store. There was not a gun to his head. They both should have "rented a room." They both had sex in a public space where other kids go to use the bathroom for what it was designed for.
I can't even imagine how horrible that would feel to have to go to a conference about assault right after what happened to me
After what happened to him? He followd another dude into a bathroom stall and got off. He called it sex. So probably you wouldn't mind walking into the stal to use it after these two came all over the floor? The school should have given them both warnings about using the public bathroom for sex. What the hell is wrong with you for feeling sorry for this creep?
He clearly stated that the guy "motioned" for him to go into a stall. The moment he entered the stall would certainly indicate consent in my opinion. He may have changed his mind afterwards but it seems he was sending mixed signals at the very least.
He grabbed his crotch without consent, which made him freeze. He never said yes. Scary that you think this is consent. Please never assume. Always go for an enthusiastic yes.
When sexual assault happens, not everyone has a fight or flight reaction. Some people freeze by feeling powerless and mentally space out.
Sometimes the rapist will order the victim to take off their clothes and out of fear they comply. They didn’t want to take their clothes off. Just because they did, it doesn’t mean they were giving consent. They most certainly didn’t want to be sexually assaulted.
It wasn’t a hookup regret. It was rape.
@@hindsightpov4218 he didn't freeze. He wasn't ordered into the stall. He was motioned and he went, when he could have easily went out the door.
@@fzb5383 Oh God forbid. Of course no one should grab anyone's anything but let's stop making young men into pussies and excuse my vulgarity but come on. Think of the brave men that enlisted in WW 2 and then think of this creepy guy who walks into a bathroom stall. The hell with enthusiastic yes, sex is complicated. No Means No is fine. No means No does not mean a man can't try to seduce someone by making a motion to a bathroom stall although it's gross. No means no could lead to a classier, "can I give you my number should you change your mind," or "are you sure," or something more reasonable.
Also, it appears these guys are homosexuals. Whether or not you like it or like it, culturally not all groups have the same norms. I don't know personally about this but from everything I have heard, the culture among these men is far more sexually wild so I can't judge what I don't know. In my opinion, you are buying into the modern day feminist histrionic nonsense put forth by a disturbed minority of bitter women that hate sex, hate men, or are both bitter and hate men.
No man has ever touched me but if one did, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I wouldn't hit the guy, I wouldn't freak out, I would say "get the hell away from me," and forget the matter by the next day. Stop encouraging those that want to be victims to act that way when they are not. Holocaust survivors often don't sound as victimized as poor Andrew who walked into the stall. The freezing theory is just that. People don't freeze. Tell them to jump off a bridge, and they don't jump. You are buying into nonsense that is not backed up by research.
Sounds like he decided to hook up and just regretted it after. He didn’t have to go into the stall.
RIGHT!!!
I have been violated a few times but never thought much of it. I usually feel comfortable but I always felt safe because there were people around me. One time a friend of mine got really and he kept making advances on me and I kept pushing him off. That was a bizzare and scary night and that was at my dads house. I locked myself in the room and my friend now ex friend left the same night. I never thought of the situations I was in as me being sexually assaulted even when guys would straight dry hump me at school, grab my ass at the club, or a stranger straight hugging me at the bus verbalizing that they can just kidnap me. I am safe. That was some rando at the beach that I have never been back to.
I honestly think there are a lot of men gay and straight that have been violated and don’t recognize that they have been. I think it’s because every time we hear about sexual assault, and rape it’s always portrayed as the victim being a woman and the violator as the man. So growing up I never had meaning to describe what had happened to me. I think more videos like this are needed to show that regardless of your gender, sex, and sexual orientation that you can be a victim of sexual assault and rape.
You were a child, this is a grown man that didn't walk out or say no. No comparison.
@@Michael-te7fj how about women that don't say no/walk out?? I guess they're not real victims either then?
Really? Just scream out. Are we sure he didnt want any part of this?
I hope he’s feeling better now
I don't hope he's feeling better. I hope Andrew is feeling remorse for having sex in a bathroom willingly and then destroying the other guy's life because he felt dirty afterward.
...and by the way, if I were the third student and walked into the bathroom and saw or heard these two going at it, I could have gone to the school authorities and had them both thrown the hell out for engaging in sexual behavior in a public place for students that made me uncomfortable.
Because I am not a hysteric like this dude Andrew, if I walked in on two dudes engaged in sexual behavior forbidden by the rules of the college, I would politely walk out or pretend not to notice so I wouldn't embarrass the couple.
@@Michael-te7fj
Your insistence to being apathetic speaks volumes to the kind of person you are.
I was really happy and excited for Andrew and his healing until the end of the video when he was notified that his perpetrator was a repeat offender.Andrew's sexual assault could've been avoided had his assailant been expelled from the first assault. How devastating and frustrating. Brown University did absolutely nothing to assist the first two victims with their sexual assaults and when finally acknowledged expelles the assailant. That's insulting. A slap on the wrist. I'm truly sorry for the pain and anguish Andrew endured. Here's hoping Andrew is well and thriving. Many Blessings Sent his Way.💙
One of the Brown so-called rapes was an even more absurd story than this one. When the case went to the criminal court, the judge became enraged. The girls were caught in their texts planning the entire matter. Facts matter. Sexual assault should be a matter for the police. It's a serious crime and legal authorities should deal with it, not college kangaroo tribunals.
@@Michael-te7fj : Absolutely. Agreed. It is a police matter and should be handled as such. Unfortunately when it comes to universities and military both have many improvements they need to implement in order for all to feel safe.
Wow, Andrew’s assaulter sounds like Kaa the Python from the Jungle Book with those hypnotic eyes. He “motioned” Andrew into the bathroom stall. Andrew was not free to disobey.
I think he is just not interested in the assulting guy. In short, the guy is not his type.
So tragic. But, glad Andrew was able to tell his story.
Andrew, you said that this guy motioned you to come into a stall that he was in...Why did you go in ???...Why didn't you just turn around and leave...Am I missing something ???...
This doesn’t make sense.
This story deeply upset me but I'm also glad I watched. I went to Brown for grad school, but I was sexually assaulted by a *colleague* when I began teaching as a professor in the UK, years after grad school when I was in my 40s. I didn't get "justice" in my situation but I did write about it...I know how mind-harming my assault situation was, so I can only imagine what Andrew, so much younger than I, experienced. I'm glad Brown *dealt* with it, altho we see that the creep in this story already had asaulted other people. GOOD FOR ANDREW for taking a stand.
The story makes sense, intimidation and overwhelmingly pressure... it doesn't reflect that he invited him. So much better that he reported this and other things came to light.
Why don't we just college students like they were ten year olds? This story should not have been reported in my opinion. Andrew walked into the stall. The other guy asked him for sex once, Andrew said he no he was tired, and then he went into the stall and had sex. We have to raise men in America. A man that cannot protect his own body by saying no twice or leaving the bathroom or screaming or pushing is a child. Any of the above would probably have done the trick. School authorities are making a cottage industry costing students a fortune by playing nanny. Sexual assault should be reported to the police. This was not sexual assault.
@@Michael-te7fj I'm British, age of consent is 18 here, America is raised to 21... but even at 18 your free to vote, and mostly everything. However, to be mature enough to take full guardianship, personally I think older people should behave better around younger people. I don't think it's any of those things and it's about consent. Thank 😊 enjoy your day
@@christopherwinstanley1348 Hi Christopher, I believe the ages of consent in the U.S varies from 17 or 18 depending on the state and I am relatively certain it is never age 21. For drinking alcohol, the legal drinking age is 21 in all states as of 1984.
I do tend to agree with you that older people should behave better around younger people but with that said, it's difficult to mandate "better" by law. Some 18 year olds are far more mature than other 30 year olds.
Hence, I believe the legal age of consent means and should be governed by actions and nothing more. Being rude, is not illegal. Attempting or asking for sex is not illegal. If one is in your home doing so, they must leave if told to. In schools and workplaces, harassment policies are everywhere. If a guy is chatting too much to a woman at a bar and she wants to be left alone, she can walk away, call the bartender, or call the police if followed. There is simply no reason to treat adults as if they don't have agency. In life, there will always be those that are not capable of protecting themselves well. For example, some sixty-year-old people don't get covid vaccines and wind up dying. Adults, legally defined as 18 or over, may not always protect themselves properly and it's sad when they suffer. I believe, however, treating them as incapable of making a decision about sex is worse for the and worse for society. Instead we should be clear as a recommendation, if you are not absolutely sure you can make decisions about sex including saying no, do not put yourself in adult situations wherein others can navigate this part of life. Casual sex is a relatively modern thing for the masses. No one ever said it would be easy. It's not for everyone and it's certainly not for those that are not emotionally mature enough to socialize in sexually-charged environments like today's college dorms. Dorms weren't always like that. Women's libers fought for the right to get rid of chaperones that the schools would provide at night to watch over young female student's in the name of keeping them safe. Yes, it was the opposite of today in the late 1950s and early 60s. Women told college administrators, we have the right to go out at night and risk getting raped if we want to without males hired by the school to protect us. Their grandchildren have gone the other way and want administrators involved in everything. I was a college student in the 70s and by that time, it was unthinkable to involve the school's administrators in any part of our private lives. In fact, I had never heard of such a thing and was not aware of how hard the woman from the generation before my own had fought to be left alone by school administrators.
@@Michael-te7fj Thank you for your reply, and I apologise for getting wrong the age of concent being 18 in the USA 🇺🇸 different from state to state on alcohol restrictions. Its 18 here in Britain 🇬🇧 and to consume and purchase alcohol. Previously, it was 21 for same sex relationships and was changed to 18 decades ago. There is more than the age of concent, and I'm assuming the place this happened was a communal facility that may have been used for solicitation previously. There is the gay scene, and my time was 80s and 90s and attitudes are different than today. Its more important for the aims for equality among LGBTQ. I recall before the LGBTQ emerged here in my country it was a civil rights pressure group, and the gay switchboard that was more charitable. Many individual organisations began to emerge within that time period, FLAG (family of Lesbian and Gay) Icebreakers (still run today), its a social support group for those coming out. MCC (metropolitan of Community Churches) Healthy Gay Manchester (I was volunteering at the time disturbances of safe sex pack, and HIV AIDS STD awareness), was needed at that time. It later became the Gay Foundation before LGBTQ emerged. Those decades that you mentioned, people where closeted, and as everything was stereotyped at one time its hung around gay people, and there isn't an effective way to contain that behaviour otherwise explain the danger. The topic discussed in this video is a concern for LGBTQ people. I'm trying to explain the best I can. The young people I've known don't have any association with that period of time, it don't connect with them, but why should it. I think anyone will find the older generations need to take on younger people's views and not be cynical. All the difference between the age difference is, younger people spend more time taking in information because they are still building themselves and gay can be introspective. Older generations have that experience and can reflect. Many people I've known from that time have gone. I know the 70s and 80s was explosive and it was with censorship laws that the imaging was "in you face" . My first visit to a gay bar was tame 🤣🤣 my second visit wasn't!!! All I can remember was this horse saddle at the bar... and yes !! Imagine the rest. It was fun and outrageous!! What I can remember in that group it was safe to "dare" but some always want to do something that's going to put them in danger. And its that area that is still a concern today. Thanks for your time. Keep rocking 😎
@@Michael-te7fj call me name call me names I don't funck with it. Call me a name I'll use it that's my name
Such a drama queen..
If we stop questioning and investigating we become silly instruments for people's personal agendas. This story does not sound right. Not at all. Just because some of you were legitimately abused doesn't mean that every person on earth is telling the truth. That's a stupid assumption within itself. I know ppl who have lied. You don't know what mental issues ppl have just by looking at them. Fact doesn't sound stupid. This account sounds kinda idiotic. One thing that we have to be careful of in these me too times is this: be sure that the person is an actual 'victim' before you start the witch fires.
I agree with you whole heartedly. His “story” didn’t gel in logical terms; for instance, he the “victim” stated that the so-called abuser motioned him to come int the bathroom stall , it goes directly from him being motioned to to so - to the act of being sexually abused! How did the victim go from point “A” (being motioned to join his abuser) to point “B” (being abused) if not willingly, obligingly consenting to join the other guy in the stall? I mean, seriously, this so-called “abuser” made his intentions know from the moment the “victim” opened the locked bathroom door? What did the victim think he was being motioned into the stall for, a good-night hug?
Also absent from his recounting of this incident of “assault” is the initial question of, how did his flattering “abuser” (“I think you’re really hot”.) go from the entrance of the bathroom door and over to the bathroom stall? Even before the “motioning to join him”, it was obvious walking in to the bathroom that our “victim” didn’t make any mention of his objecting to the guy coming into the bathroom in the first place! Then the victim says to the camera, “Could I have done more to stop this...?” And inexplicably doesn’t answer his own question! So, apparently he, himself even believes he could have stopped it, but realized upon uttering the questioned aloud that the obvious, “yes” would undermine his position of being victimised. How else can one explain why he didn’t answer his own question?
In no way am I trying to diminish the severity and seriousness of rape in general, be it men or women as victims of sexual assault. But, this guy clearly wants some mental justification to his latent homosexual yearnings by using this so called “abuser” as a scapegoat in order to convince himself, as well as the world at large. By “the world at large”, I’m referring to his relaying this story on video and posting it online as a way to make his victimization all that much more real and true. That way all the garnered sympathy and being championed for bravery (be it from this video thread here in addition to the condolences from personal friends, family, colleagues and public response in general) serves to alleviate the burden of conflicted feelings about his true sexual orientation. The tragedy here is three-fold; not only does his selfish, self-deception act of denial & personal culpability catapult him away from any kind reconciliation of his sexual (and ultimately peace within himself), but he the damage he inflicted upon this other guy (expulsion from college and publicly ostracised), not to mention the moral assault to those women and men who truly have been raped, sexually brutalised and/or abused against their will. It seems this self-serving testimony is nothing more than homophobic rational where the perceived “victim” is abusing the system with the actual victims left in the wake of his self-delusions grand-standing.
Well said Paris
@@grantgoulet4081 He said it happened in the bathroom with disgust yet he followed the other dude into a bathroom stall. That doesn't just happen accidently.
This was 8yrs ago hope he's doing good
It's so strong of you to share this with us .. sorry you had to go through that.
He went through nothing. He agreed to have sex in a bathroom stall and walked in of his own free will. Why do you feel he is strong? The dude is a jerk for ever doing this and more of a jerk for reporting it.
This story did not make sense to me.
seattlejayde.
AND YOUR COMMENT TOO.
seattlejayde i agree
I agree
That just means you need to learn more about sexual assault, especially regarding male victims. If you take the time to educate yourself this story will make total sense and you will be shocked and appalled by what you discover. Hopefully, you will understand then.
seattlejayde It doesn’t have to make sense to you
Part of it it s more about self confidence and fear that lead to not taking action...Sad
I'm sorry, but I have to say I don't agree with this story amounting to a sexual assault. I respect that this guy is advocating for victims, and I commend him on going public for male victims. However, what he described does not sound like anything more than a misunderstanding and perhaps a tragic issue of inexperienced perception. Encounters such as this are common in the gay community, and the alleged attacker may have interpreted this guy's hesitation to engage with him as (often very typical) nervousness about "giving in" to homosexual activity (a common internal battle for gay men who aren't yet fully accepting of themselves). I honestly feel this issue could have been resolved simply by having a conversation between the two parties (facilitated or non). I think expulsion was quite an extreme position to take in this case, considering the story shared in the video and the social factors I outlined above. I feel that this guy (unintentionally) trivializes the experience of sexual assaults between gay men. We have all had sexual encounters we might regret in retrospect, or feel "low" about - this is called learning and experimenting!
First off, I don't think this man has a problem with his sexuality. He admitted to being with guys prior & before the incident said he was not interested. The attacker had 2 prior interactions that were reported; one can be a misunderstanding but 2 more after that is no misunderstanding; and that's just the ones that were reported, hopefully no more occured
no guys in the gay community will usually ask and ask and ask if u keep saying no they back off some wont if they get u alone
What about the issue of gay guys having sex in public toilets? This is a normal thing for gay guys to have sex in bathroom stalls at public toilets. Please, a straight guy would never follow another guy into a toilet stall. It's disgusting and uncomfortable for straight guys when they try to use the toilet in a public bathroom and have gay guys trying to peek into the stall, not to mention hearing the sounds of gay guys groaning & moaning in the other stalls. It's so disgusting for straight men to tolerate this. Can you imagine these gay guys having sex in bathroom stalls while the stench of ass and shit permeates the air? Well, that's what straight guys have to tolerate when they use a public toilet. I'm sorry, but gay guys are judged by what they do like everyone else, and having sex in public toilets is utterly disgusting. This video should be about rape among gay men.
Except this ... some victims of sexual assault have been conditioned in their childhood to.comply with sexually aggressive adults. And submission does not mean consent. Even if he is gay, if he didn't want it from that partner it still amounts to rape. No still means no regardless of the sexual orientation.
danielleaparis if this behavior would only belong to gay guys. Near 60-70% of the male population in same city's would be gay or bi. This behavior is more common than you would think.
Men deserve protection from rape as much as anyone else and I admire those who speak out. But this guy could not say No to a single person who took him calmly to a stall ? What ? Why didn’t he resist if it was not consensual ? He looks hale and hearty! Story is fishy. At least half made up, and it makes life worse for real victims.
Yes it does seem fishy.
A lot of people here appear to be woefully unaware that not everyone has a fight or flight response. Some people freeze up, mentally and physically. Their brain goes into autopilot and they comply with the assailant’s orders out of fear.
Even people who think they would run if they sensed they were going to be attacked are surprised themselves that they didn’t run when it happened to them.
I don't know... none of us were there to see how it unfolded, but form the guy's recollection it sounds like he didn't take a firm stand against the "attacker". If someone touches you and you say no in a calm and submissive way and the touching doesn't stop you have to say it louder and be very forceful about it. I mean it's like saying that an insisting beggar is a thief... of course the beggar wants your money and he will guilt you into it or insist, but you just keep saying no. If they still harass you have still lots of options: you can scream at the top of your lungs, slap them, kick them, run away as fast as you can... I mean you were in a university not in the middle of a deserted field 100 miles away from civilisation. If you were serious about your distress you would have simply screamed like a maniac and someone would have come to "rescue" you... if you barely show any opposition, people are gonna try to get what they want. You can't just do barely anything and say "well I did my part and that didn't work", cos there was so much more you could have done. I admit that sexual harassment is disgusting and degrading, but you have to deal with it head on. you can't just take it and complain about it later... The world is not always gonna be the safe and cotton-padded uni campus. you have to realise that the world is full of people that want to use you and take advantage of you, but you have to learn to deal with that yourself first and foremost, and get the help of others if you exhausted all your options.
Of course. If someone tells you to jump off a bridge with them, you say no. If they tell you again, you say no loudly, run, knock the guy out if you think he is going to push you or scream for help. On this thread, we have a bunch of adults who have the minds of histrionics and are so sexually scared, they think that anything involving sex renders one incapacitated. I say, stop letting these psychological weaklings tell normal adults that anything they think is scary is sexual assault.
Guys dont trust anybody. Dont accept guys from anybody. Only accept somebody into your inner circle after watching him for a long time. He may play good guy for a long time to earn your trust, dont trust anybody. Better to be alone than to be with predators.
Bro rape still going on??? Damn poor kid.
well, unfortunately most of the comments are either 100% denying that this was sexual assault or really criticizing or questioning whether it was assault or not, so that's gross.
in other news, i'm a young trans masculine person who was a victim of assault where it "sounded consensual" and the perpetrator didn't physically, violently attack me, but i still have the flashbacks and the PTSD exposure therapy i'm working on with my therapist, so all i'm going to say is thank you, andrew, for sharing your story, because there's people like me that find comfort in knowing we're not the only ones.
petmentor you sound like appear too, just stop!
Why wouldn't Andrew have PTSD? You are causing it by treating him like a child.
'Motioned me in to the stall'...ummmm, so what, you went in willingly? You didn't even say if you asked him to stop once he started touching you. I'm in no ways doubting his story - but this is bad journalism and the HuffPost should have asked the right questions.
Ok I'm glad someone said it that's the part that I didn't quite grasp.
He said no, and then followed him into the stall.
Why are you "in no ways doubting his story?" You're too kind, the story is nuts and the Huff Post is insane for giving this young man a forum for his histrionics.
It's the feeling of helplessness
Its something many people experience, where they feel like they just can't say no.
The Huff doesn’t operate on truth. It doesn’t sell. Sensationalism does.
the comments are as toxic as ever. If he felt violated then he was violated. If you are in shock or fear then you don't even have time to think of all the ways you could fight back. We have all had those woulda shoulda coulda moments in life. Just pray it never happens to your or someone you love.
"If he felt violated then he was violated." Follow someone into a bathroom stall and have sex and then have the nerve to feel violated. ...and you want us to nurture this punk's feelings.
He destroyed the life of the other student who was the more aggressive of the two sexually.
Dude climbed into his ass 🤣
He doesn't, of course go into details of what the "he did things to me that I didn't want to happen" were. Reminds me of a female friend of mine who gave sexual consent to one man & that man took that to mean total "possession" & held her down while his buddy entered the room to "have a go" too.
Of course he didn’t go into details of what happened to him that he didn’t want to happen. Would you?
Your friend consented to be with that one person. She did not consent to being held down by him while another person joined in whom she didn’t give her consent to. That’s rape. Sexual activity has to be completely consensual with everything and everyone involved. If anyone tries to make you do anything sexual that you don’t want to do, that’s rape.
My heart goes out to all victims of sexual assault; male and female.
However, being neutral-minded on the matter (remember, we're not hearing the 'assailant's' side of the story right now), as much as no one deserves to be sexually assaulted/raped/molested/threatened, I think it's also terrible that an unwanted touch in the bathroom could lead to an expulsion. So far, I gather that Andrew was harassed and that subsequently seeing his harasser again gave him gave him psychological inhibitions. Was that all that occurred, or was there perhaps more?
Regardless, is it possible that the perp himself had suffered homophobic oppression due to an anti-gay environment which he was upbrought? Maybe he himself is a victim who never had the chance to learn how to express his sexuality in an appropriate, healthy manner. All the while he could be a very nice, decent guy who had so much to contribute to society. See? we as spectators of this video don't know the whole story; we may be supporting one victim, while promoting the oppression of the other. That, to me, is just as terrible as not believing a male survivor of assault.
My little 2 cents here.
I have to be honest. I know that today it is all the "rage" to talk about being sexual "survivors" - but unless it is done with violence, it is usially just humiliating and disagreeable. Ukranians under Russian attack are "survivors"! Get a grip, people!
In my life I have had people jump on me on trains, put their hands where they shouldn't in a clothing store during a fitting, and had a colleague jump on me and say that he had wanted me for ages, hadn't I understood that? (He ran up 5 flights of stairs to corner me... then wouldn't take no for an answer, followed me home and finally I decided: ok, I'm not the sort to hit people, so I'll let him do what he wants, but I'll lie there like an inanimate rock. He will get bored and leave. And that is exactly what happened. After two minutes of me being entirely unresponsive, he left. )
Did I consider any of these incidents "traumatizing"? Nope. Worthy of calling myself a "survivor"? Nope. Sh*t happens.
We are adults. We are (mostly) not virgins. Is it disagreeable? Of course. Is there any reason to make it worse than it was by giving in to the tendency to play victim? Nope; better to just forget about it, chalk it up to "experience" (albeit a bad one) , and get on with life! Today, many years later, when I think of that colleague, my main thought is: well, if someone ran up 5 fights of stairs to corner me, I guess I wasn't half bad! In other words, I decided long ago to take it as flattery - even if the rest was completely unwanted. A lot of our "trauma" doesn't have to be trauma if we choose not to let it be!
PS: remember, I am not talking about kids, and I am not talking about anything that includes physical violence. I am also not talking about rape (which generally includes physical violence or restraint). The problem with today's narrative is that we use one term "sexual abuse" - as if any and all of it is equivalent; it isn't. A hand on a butt isn't the same as penetration. We need to stop using catch-all phrases which make it all seem the same.
Welcome to the snowflake generation where everyone is a victim in their own deluded minds. 😅😅😅
Aiyyy hes a power bottom . Le gusto
aww poor love
Colleges dont know how to handle this kind of thing correctly . They're not trained to handle this
They really don’t know to be real honest.
What training is necessary. If you go to college and cannot decline to go into a bathroom stall with another man, you are not fit to be an adult environment. Colleges ought to get out of the sex policing business and let the students grow up. If a sexual assault takes place, the police can be called.
That happened to my brother too. He was just 17 and his own best friend this to him. My brother was like a small child. He tried to commit suicide after the sexual assault. He was depressed. I’m so happy that my mum finally got the justice for Liam after fighting for him for 2 years! Now he is recovered. His social phobia is gone. My little baby is okay♥️
YAY I’m so glad he’s better! I hope he can find a partner and way better friends if he wants. He sounds so sweet and I bet he deserves the world.
Psalm 34:18 *"The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit."*
Matthew 11:27 *"Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."*
John 6:37 Jesus says *"Everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will NEVER drive away."* 🌱🙏🏽🤍
@@rachelbrown3766 Where was Jesus when this nightmare happened?
Sorry for you! Glad you guys helped him..
Are u a blink by the way ( i saw ur profile )
@@rachelbrown3766 Yhea yhea, im also pretty sure the bible says somewhere that when you rape a virgin you "have ;)" to marry her.
But of course you wouldn't mention that in your comment 😂
Im so proud of you for coming out as sexually assaulted. I feel like its harder for boys/men because everybody always says that men cant be sexually assaulted which is quite frankly straight up bullshit
It’s toxic masculinity. Anyone can be assaulted. Toxic masculinity is why men are not likely to speak openly as adults that they were molested as children. It doesn’t matter they were little helpless kids. Toxic masculinity is still used to shame them. That shame is weaponized even more when assault happens to men as adults.
@@hindsightpov4218 Oh please, he had willing sex with a guy in a stall.
@@Michael-te7fj see there are you again what do you get out of this
Ppl tht says that. They apart of the problem and it piss me off when ppl say tht. I hate when ppl say tht it non sense and bs and sad
@@Michael-te7fj What about that says willing
'it's suppose to be more humiliating for me as a man to say that I've been sexually assaulted in some way. Because of what it means to be masculine and you don't let that happen to you.' This broke my heart for this is the very same reason I cry whenever I am storytelling my friends how I was sexually assaulted by my boss, a PASTOR.
bet he’s catholic
@@DSX1 -- Catholics generally refer to their pastors as "priests." And certainly not their "boss."
Its always the priests and pastors who sexually assaults kids, they are so sex deprived that they see young kids as a terget to satisfy their sexual urges, the very people who we should respect and who should protect us are also the ones who traumatize us with their obscene acts. There are tonnes of documentaries about pastors/priests who molested their younger companions in the ministry. They make the house of God a living hell which is very disgusting🤮🤮🤮
@@HumanSagaVault --- *"... the very people who we should respect"?*
*"Anyone who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." ---Voltaire, paraphrased*
Andrew is an adult. Not a kid. We don't allow children to have sex for a reason. We don't allow adults to have children for a reason. Andrew and the other students were adults living in the school dorms.
U r so strong and brave for coming and bringing this story to light! I'm sorry for all the pain and suffering you experienced!
Mark, respectfully, you are crazy. A guy who wanted sex came on to another dude and the guy said yes by not saying no. Not only that, he followed him into a bathroom stall. How about teaching men to act like men? We rightfully protect minors because they can't make informed decisions. We need to have men who are adults. What if there is a war and we need fighting men? Are you f--king kidding me?
@@tylerketchum3315 Tyler, grow up and stop being brainwashed. These were two homosexual men and their customs are different. Sadly, because of having to be secretive for many generations, things like having sex in bathrooms for some are still common. An act of agreeing to come into the stall is a nonverbal cue of saying yes. Then, further consent was given by not saying no.
A young man who is not able to say no to an advance into a bathroom stall and then to boot, one that elects to stay there, is one who has the emotional maturity of a child and does not belong in an adult sleep-away environment such as a dorm. Everyone else need not act like a child to accommodate a "kid" who doesn't belong living an adult environment.
We are dumbing down adulthood to infantilize. Again, what if God forbid there is a war and we need young men with the backbone to fight it? A young man who can't say no to an advance and in so doing actively participates is a disturbed individual. ...and when and if he grows up, he should seek to in whatever way possible to spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to the other boy who committed only the crime of being an "highly-sexed" young men propositioning another--he won't have been the first sex-driven young guy who somewhat aggressively seduced another person.
This somewhat new rap panic is highly orchestrated by a criminal justice system somewhat at the mercy of a feminist dogma that is extreme. Some rape cases were not treated seriously years ago and this was wrong, very wrong, however, with that said, this nonsense is extremest and unethical and zealots like you ought to be ashamed of yourself for going along with it and creating abject hysteria in the process.
Michael
Did you watch the video? Not only he SAID he was not interested, his account is exactly how panicked reactions follow: frozen by fear. Abscence of "no", thus, obviously doesn't mean consent. It takes a minimum of discernment to not continue touching a person who is clearly shocked and afraid.
Plus, its a gross and fallacious observation you made on gay men. If two gay men walk into a bathroom, it does not follow necessarily that they will have sex, and we cannot blame sexual assault victims for simply exercising their right to freely move around without being constricted by these generalizations.
And then you speak of backbone... yes, maybe if he said something or reacted in a firmer way, it wouldn't have happened. But we can't demand that - we need to demand people (mostly men, and I say this as one) to stop feeling entitled towards others' bodies. Blaming the victims lack of reaction is nonsensical when we should strive, first and foremost, for doing so with the agressor's reaction. This also says much, indirectly, about the absolute irrelevance of yours comments about war.
I know this comment is 6 months old, but I cannot abide to stay in silence before it.
Michael, this sounds like this may have happened to you and this is your way of handling it. Do yourself a favor and get help.
You sound like a very angry man.
I was confused, ashamed, angry, disgusted, I punched a hole in the wall. I’ll never forget.
Dame I felt that on another level 😬
@@dakota.c.5397 Is that funny to you
@@darky1376 the person is obviously empathizing with them; take some slowed breaths
I’m sorry
I was assaulted in college when I was 17. He was like my big bro. He did not enroll the following semester. I never saw him again. Even now (I'm 38), I still have nightmares of my ordeal with the guy I looked up to in college.
That’s terrible. I hope you know it’s not your fault, he is evil and will suffer. How are you?
Alex, did you follow another dude into a bathroom stall, because if you did, you should get help. If you were assaulted, you have my deepest sympathy, however, if you willingly had sex in toilet stall with another man, I say grow up and take responsibility for your actions.
Andrew got off with another dude and he willingly followed him. The other guy was not a "big bro" to him. The other dude was a stranger that he followed and had "sex" with. That was the word Andrew used, sex.
In my opinion, as an actual sexual assault survivor, you should join me and condemn Andrew for making a mockery of actual sexual assault.
@@BenjaminGolden-c5u I thought I was the only one who noticed that statement he made. When he said the guy MOTIONED TO HIM to go to the middle stall further into the bathroom that meant he had time to RUN and he didn't. So know, this is not an assault story in the least. This is the beginning of a gay porn saga. NOT INTERESTED.
@@BenjaminGolden-c5u When you uncover it the way you did the whole story becomes even more sickening. There are people who have LEGITIMATELY had the unfortunate experience of being raped and he is using the rape narrative to garner attention and undeserved sympathy. Glad you peeled the extra layer on this one. Never thought about the unfortunate fate of the other dude. SAD
I was sexually molested by three male family members . Much older then me. I was only 4 years old then it continued till 11 years old. The shame the guilt the rage the thoughts of suicide. It’s taken me years of counseling to get to a stage within my life I have freedom. It was never my shame , guilt, rage it was my ubusers. Yes I know as a male myself it’s hard to talk about . Silence is the true killer. I’ll never be silent no more.
William, for God's sake, you were a child. Andrew was an adult and he followed another dude into a toilet stall to get off. He could have said no, walked away, or whatever. Why are you identifying with this jerk?
@@BenjaminGolden-c5uplease shut up.
So you regret tricking in the bathroom drunk.......the ruin someone’s college career? Because they came on to you and you didn’t say no........special word for you.....
What this dude Andrew did is disgraceful and that the Huff Post gives him credibility is sad.
I was not sexually assaulted per se, but was bullied all thru public school. Many times teachers & office personnel saw it happen & they didn't do anything or just laughed it off. I had fantasies of doing something bad to the perps, but never did for fear of worse retribution. This happened on school buses too. I was so thankful that during my senior year, my best friend had me ride in his car.
Danhutson3460, I am a gay man growing up in a small rural area of 8,000 people. So, OMG been there right with you with the bullies. Bullies do this ignorant stuff when they feel threatened or afraid someone will recognize the attraction. Not always but a large percentage. It all changes once you get out of your hell. Find your chosen family, friends. Those bullies hit their peak in high school, where yours is coming & it will be huge.. if you need to talk I’m here
Trace
I wa a victim too, my step cousin and his friends done horrible things to me, they done this while i was 16 to 20 years old, now i'm 21 i moved to India and i feel safe rather than i was in Germany.
oh man das tut mir leid
Oh u r in india...?
@@ShinChan-cu8nsyea.
@@theindo-germanguy8817 oh..
Sad to hear something like this happened to u..!
☹️
"You're really hot"? Are you serious?
Literally nothing happened to him.
I have a lot of male friends who joke around a lot about sex, and they always seem happy and feel okay about it. And I thought that ALL boys would be okay and feel cool if someone (especially a girl) asaulted them. But I feel sorry for the guys out there like Andrew who hate sexual assaulted.
No one should act inappropriately to touch other people's private areas
He was assaulted by another guy not a girl!
You thought someone would be cool about being sexually assaulted ? What planet are you on ?
I can't believe the negative comments on here and that people are still so uneducated when it comes to understanding sexual assault. This is exactly why so many men that are victims of sexual abuse remain silent and suffer terribly, and why it is so easy for the perpetrators to get away with it. And by the way it is very common for a victim to have forced physical arousal by an abuser which is why it is so emotionally damaging. Some victims fight back, some flee and some freeze. All are common reactions. The abusers know how to take advantage of their victims psychologically. Please quit being such hateful people, educate yourselves and learn some compassion.
THIS! All of this. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
With all due respect, you have no idea what goes on in gay male culture. If a man willingly accepts an invitation into a stall, it sure isn't to discuss the upcoming football game.
No Julie, you educate yourself and stop following feminist talking points. Freezing up is exceptionally rare and doesn't apply to young men following other young men into bathroom stalls. ...and it is you that should stop being hateful assuming women (or men) don't lie.
Bull
It is not hateful to disagree with your premises. Freezing is somewhere between rare and nonexistent. Stop reading feminist nonsense which today has no peer reviewed studies to prove what it claims. Women fought hard for the rights to have sexual agency, not to be the wallflowers that can't speak for themselves that you seem to endorse. You education yourself and you stop being hateful because throwing out nonsense can cause people to be misinformed. Sexual assault is a horrible crime; not everything is sexual assault including walking into a bathroom stall. If one is stupid enough to do so, then they should reflect on it and grow from it and look inward into what the hell is wrong with them. Stop protecting a grown man that wants to act like a child and live in an adult world.
Thanks for sharing, Andrew. Hearing your story made me feel that I was not alone.
Pearse - Situations differ, in some cases there are 2 or more assailats while in other cases the men have been druged.
Meinard Ramirez you too have post hookup regret?
Why are you encouraging Andrew? Clearly this kid is so lost as he is not fit to protect himself in the most basic of ways. If someone motions to him to jump out the window, would he jump. If he gets toward the window and that person is lifting him up to throw him out the window will he freeze up and not say, no, or push back, or run or scream or whatever. It's a sickness that is happening at colleges and stop feeding it.
Imagine if we had a war and we had to draft young men. Are you kidding me siding with this weakling of a grown man. We need to encourage him to be a man, not a boy, and have agency. It's his body and if he doesn't want to be touched, he has to do whatever necessary to make that clear.
The other guy came onto him so big deal. I am straight and if a guy grabbed my crotch, I would just say, Not into that. I wouldn't have him expelled or prosecuted. Sorry, but it's not the same as if someone pinned me down and forced me. Get a grip Andrew defenders.
As for concerning himself with masculinity, Andrew doesn't have to worry. A man can resist following another man into a stall.
@@Michael-te7fj loser! . He froze. Go educate yourself on reaction on abuse. Not everyone is oh so perfect as you I guess. Shameful.
@@Michael-te7fj he didn’t know how to react he was scared. He was touched very inappropriately and nobody cares what you would do he is a man being a little “weaker” doesn’t make him any less of a man he is still one. Your the real weakling because I bet if someone pushed you into a stall you’d freeze too
They made eye contact and he felt him staring at him??? Then seconds later he opens the door to a knock lol. Um yeah, he knew it was the guy but yet he opened the door anyway, he could have yelled, screamed, fought , no mention of guy having a weapon, but no he just let it happen with ease plus he said this was the fifth guy he'd been with , yeah ya can't rape the willing.
Stop victim blaming, wtf.
Since when opening a door is a consent to be r*pe ?! My god what an idiot
I've been raped twice. The first time I got drugged at what a friend told me was going to be a house party back in 2014. As soon as I got there, he offered me a drink. I accepted because I thought I was early and wanted to relax. The next thing I remember is him on top of me taking my pants off and then I was out. I woke up next to him the next morning. He was twice my size so I waited for him to get up then I ran out of there as fast as I could . The second time was a few years later. I was out of state at a gas station I walked to because it was close to my hotel to pick up some snacks because I was expecting company. I thought it was going to just be a casual get together. But joke was on me, because the catfish showed up at the gas station, abducted me, then took me to his house, pulled me from the car, and then dragged me inside. I pleaded with him not to because I was still not ready for intimacy (a fact that cost me a relationship) but he didn't care and made me undress.
OMG, can I give you advice that save my life? Talk about it to anyone, everyone. Keeping it all caged in you will literally kill you. Tell your story, post it here. I did & was shocked by all the concerns. Telling your story could help someone who might get catfished just like you but not make it out. Your story is powerful, it caught my attention out of hundreds I had gotten.
I hope this helps
If you ever need to talk or help or just to say hi
Trace
Reading some of these comments, it's no wonder men don't say anything, but are judged the moment their trauma turns into self destructing behavior.
Men like Andrew should be judged and be condemned without mercy. He has done a terrible thing by ruining the other guy's life, a dude btw, he had sex with because he followed him and did not indicate no.
if he motioned you into the center stall & you went ... you weren't forced than you sort of went along with it , told him it was OK, if you were not in the stall it would not have happened, I am so sorry but this sounds like every gay bathroom cruse ever. Now if you said no & he still forced or dragged you into the stall, or even if he befriended you then drugged you or took advantage of you while you were passed out that would be assault. I say this from a place of trying to understand, I myself was a sexually assaulted. This just comes off like regret for doing something in a bathroom with a random guy. I am sorry this happened to you but regret is different.
My comment may be unpopular, and I don’t mean it as an attack on anyone except perhaps Andrew’s counselors. And I recognize there may be painful, personal details Andrew is omitting out of privacy, and those details (if I knew them) might change my opinion. On the basis of the information presented this is how I feel:
I don’t think the actions he describes amount to an assault. The other student flirted with him, touched Andrew’s crotch over his clothes, said “nobody has to know” and motioned him into a bathroom stall, and Andrew followed. I’m missing any element of force, coercion, or intimidation. Andrew specifically said the other student “motioned” him into a stall-that means he was free to ignore the other student and walk away.
Based on the actions described I feel bad for Andrew having to think he is a victim of anything, and it looks to me like his counselors failed him in a major way. They should’ve asked him to explore his feelings that motivated Andrew to follow that student into the stall, and make him feel ok about his sexual curiosity and exploration. It sounds like they did the opposite, and made him believe he was a victim of something. So his counselors really created a victim, and ultimately got another student expelled over this encounter.
I’m generally a very sensitive person who would always stand up for a victim, it’s hard for me to even make this comment. I feel like this video should not have been made, or if there are other painful details (that should remain private) but really make the assault more clear, then the video should have shared those details but protected Andrew’s identity. As it currently stands, this video feels irresponsible to me, it lowers the bar of what sexual assault means.
Totally agree.
There is something about this story that sounds fishy or rather attention seeking.
JJ It doesn't sound fishy. It's insane. Utter nonsense. I am not of your generation and we think you guys have lost your mind.
How could u even say that
@@kwaziofficial he said he was motioned into the stall. So he obviously went. Why didn't he just leave?
I don't believe these gentlemen even exchanged words. I think made eye contact and the guy proceeded to follow him and the man groped him.
I was 14 when I was raped I am now 61 and have carried it all these years,constantly coming to the front of my mind it’s like a ghost haunting me.this is the first time I have put anything down in black and white.
I admire you and respect you. One day I will be able to come out about some things too....
Hopefully this action will bring you some peace and relief.
Unless you were sever sexually assaulted,, please never speculate. I am a heterosexual man who was drugged by a massage therapist and sexually assaulted. I was there only by virtue of the fact that I had been in a serious car accident. This "therapist" it's now in jail as he did this to 3 other people. Same tactic, he gave me a glass of water and what he told me was a muscle relaxer, but wad really a sedative. Within 30 minutes, I felt woozy and I told him I want feeling good. He said to try relaxing, he then smiled when he saw I could barely move, pulled down my pants and the rest I'll leave off here because it's too painful to type. I won a $20,000 lawsuit against the company and it still hadn't helped heal me. I totally believe thus guy. You don't know what you'd do until it happens to you.
Dude, I'm so sorry you had this experience. I'm glad you were bold and got justice. Did any of the other victims testify? I'm a victim's rights advocate and I think I remember this case was this over in Battle Creek, MI? Continue to speak out. Your are one of the many voices for silent male victims of sexual abuse and by letting your voice be heard, you don't realize the power you have in being able to save someone else or help someone else know they are not alone. Proud of you for speaking up.
Dude yours is different. You were drugged, this dude walked into that stall willingly after getting felt up.
John Willis being drugged and raped is legitimate. Being felt on....silent but coherent....and follow a man into a stall never saying no is not on any level what you went through
You don't get to decide. I'm sorry you were assaulted but this stuff is crazy. Just say no or too bad. End of story.
Nonsense John. It happened to you but it did not happen to Andrew. You were sedated, Andrew did not say no. Stop relating to anything that sounds like victimhood. What you're doing frankly is depraved and inexcusable. You should be ashamed of yourself comparing the horrors of real sexual assault and rape to this nonsense.
Wow. It's so sad that so many men are afraid to report because of the ideal that they should be "strong or fight back". Same for the people blaming and discounting Andrew's experience because he did not fight back. In the full article, it was published:
"He came up behind Andrew, grabbed his crotch and moved him into the bathroom stall. Frozen, Andrew protested but did not fight back, scared of what would happen if he did.
For 15 minutes the stranger assaulted him.
Andrew has a hard time articulating what he felt during the assault. All he remembers is being unable to speak or act. “I just remember focusing on the stall door, knowing that he was between me and my escape.”"
not only because they have to "be strong" Terry Crews came out about how he was sexually assaulted and everyone laughed at him.
He motioned me into the stall?… Not dragged not pushed? I know you’re not allowed to question anyone anymore, but I Can’t help but wonder how we got from knocking on the door to motioning into the stall to begin with when the guy already knew the other person’s eyes were on him. Seems a little inconsistent
Not inconsistent. Insane, and we better start questioning because this clip illustrates what happens to a society when we don't. The Andrews of the world get to define consent. God help us.
I wondered about those very same things.
Well done for speaking out Andrew. My ex-boyfriend of 5 years decided to abuse me psychologically and emotionally by watching gang rape videos and softcore peadophille ones too( for 4 days relentless)while laying and masturbating on the bed next to me. He was semipotent and the times we had sex he was weak and uninspiring. He has been thoroughly reported and revealed after he confessed to me that he is a child groomer and rapist. After the sheer horror I found strength to expose him everywhere. I hope he never hurts anyone ever again.
Why didn't you walk or run away when the child porn was being played. I wouldn't ever watch that crap and no one could make me unless I was tied up or held by gunpoint. Four days, I assume you got up to take a leak, why didn't you leave?
Andrew walked into a toilet stall and no one forced him. Neither you nor he should be in adult situations if you cannot say no to illegal or immoral or uncomfortable behavior. You could have been prosecuted for watching that material with your boyfriend and perhaps you should have been because by not walking away your participated. If the two of you were on a hike and your boyfriend started up with a child, would you have stayed with him for four days and watched. Respectfully, I think you need professional help and your boyfriend needs it to and legal investigation as well. You say you exposed him, what about exposing your own culpability for watching that stuff. I find it grotesque that two grown men could watch that crap.
Is this queen for real? She just regrets the interaction. She gave the gay gaze and then didn’t ask him to stop when the guy touched him.
Yeah I agree with the majority of the comments: (maybe you didnt explain ot right) but it doesnt sound like you got assaulted, it sounds like some guy was coming on to you, started being sexual with you and you didnt tell him to stop. You got into the stall with him voluntarily or not? Did he force you or threaten you? This sounds so exagerated😢😢😢😢😢
So you let it continue & fully participated but now you're just mad because you didn't get his name & cell number? OMG LOLOLOLOLOLOL LMAO
Sorry for my bad english.
It happened on july 28 2014 ... I thought it was my last day 🚮
My life sucked even before that but it completely mentally broke me
I never had parents but i have grandma because of her im still alive 🤣
First few days after it i mentally freaked out ,just screamed and made noises like a mentally ill person (i am), i completely lost my mind , it was strange that my grandma was calm and patient watching me like that until i told her im about to commit suicide then she got fed up by me and slapped me so hard that she almost knocked me out 🤣 ..she saved me .Till this day she doesn't know what happened i just told her i was beaten up by 2 strangers infront of my crush as the reason why i freaked out from all that embarrassment ,she believed me.
I was sexually assaulted in 2011 at my community college, in a bathroom, 500 feet away from the campus substation of the Los Angeles Sheriff's department. When I got away and got to the Sheriff's desk they did nothing...."But, you're a guy". They made no report. The next day I saw my attacker again on campus, he was a student. I went to my departments chair and told her what happened and that I was going to drop out. She took me to the sheriff office and demanded action, it was only then that they did a report. For 3 semesters I suffered seeing my attacker on campus and the Sheriff's nor the college did anything. I graduated but suffer from PTSD, and survived 4 suicide attempts. After I graduated, the college dropped my assault statistic from the catalog.
You saved me. Your courage is tremendous. Sorry for my bad English ( I am not a native speaker). I was raped as a little kid from a "teacher" and then later again at a "Christmas party" where I work. 95% of all men who have been sexually assaulted don't report the crime. I will seek help. Thanks
My comment may be unpopular, and I don’t mean it as an attack on anyone except perhaps Andrew’s counselors. And I recognize there may be painful, personal details Andrew is omitting out of privacy, and those details (if I knew them) might change my opinion. On the basis of the information presented this is how I feel:
I don’t think the actions he describes amount to an assault. The other student flirted with him, touched Andrew’s crotch over his clothes, said “nobody has to know” and motioned him into a bathroom stall, and Andrew followed. I’m missing any element of force, coercion, or intimidation. Andrew specifically said the other student “motioned” him into a stall-that means he was free to ignore the other student and walk away.
Based on the actions described I feel bad for Andrew having to think he is a victim of anything, and it looks to me like his counselors failed him in a major way. They should’ve created a safe space for Andrew to explore the feelings that motivated him to follow the other student into the stall, and make Andrew feel ok about his sexual curiosity and exploration. It sounds like they did just the opposite, and made him believe he was a victim of something. So his counselors really created a victim, and ultimately got another student expelled over this encounter.
I’m generally a very sensitive person who would always stand up for a victim, it’s hard for me to even make this comment. I feel like this video should not have been made, or if there are other painful details (that should remain private) but really make the assault more clear, then the video should have shared those details but protected Andrew’s identity. As it currently stands, this video feels irresponsible to me, it lowers the bar of what sexual assault means.
Your comment isn’t insensitive, it’s just ignorant
You might want to educate yourself on something known as the “fight, flight, freeze response.”
@@richardmayora1289 I haven’t heard of that so maybe I am completely missing something, “ignorant” as you say. I will definitely look into that. In the meantime, if you could share a perspective of this incident from the framework of fight/flight/freeze that you mentioned I would greatly appreciate it. I don’t see where he did any of the three. He certainly didn’t “freeze,” the other student waved him into an empty stall and he followed.
Speaking generally and not about this video directly, sometimes in life we encounter people who are more sexually experienced or adventurous than ourselves. We may find their actions unexpected and provocative. We can choose not to participate. But we should also feel free to choose to participate if that’s what we want. If ultimately we don’t like our choice we can learn from that and possibly decide differently in the future.
You are being too kind and appear to be a youngish person. Why in the hell should the s. chool be involved with this at all and why should a school be creating a safe space for Andrew? The school should have said, "do you want to be expelled Andrew, because you and another dude had sex in the public school bathroom?" I would have given the young men a warning for having sex in a bathroom and that's the end of it. I understand you are a sensitive person but what you are proposing is madness. These are grown men. In another generation, they would be fighting in a world war at age 18. We need adults that are real men, not boys. If Andrew cannot resist the advances of another man, he does not belong in an adult atmosphere. We must not cater to those that are histrionic or have other personality disorders which I think is what you are in effect proposing.
I wish I knew more as a kid....I was sexually assaulted by my brother, my cousin, my town's priest and I had to believe all that was normal so I could survive. Believe it or not all those memories stayed with me my whole life, I am a marked person
My brother survivors finally getting to be part of our collective voice. Speak, you’re valid and deserve to be heard. You did NOTHING wrong, it was and is all on them- NOT YOU.
Unfortunately sexual assault really can happen to anyone by anyone. I am glad that he made the right decision to bring this up to the school board.
Yeah, except this was not sexual assault. Andrew willing walked into a bathroom stall with another man and had sex. Let's not dumb down sexual assault to the point where it is meaningless. Sexual assault is a very series crime. This was not that!
I'm sorry that you were assaulted! But you said something that triggered me. You said he motioned you to go into the stall. Why did you go and not out of the bathroom?
I wondered the same thing.
Not everyone has a fight or flight response. Some people surprise themselves by mentally and physically freeze up. Unless you’re in the exact same situation yourself, you really don’t know how you would react, even if you think you would automatically run.
@@hindsightpov4218 No! I know what I would do. In a court of law this would not hold up as rape. This would hold up as something else, sexual harassment maybe. In courtroom trail that statement alone would change everything.
@@JT-ok6re
You think you know what you would do. But you were never sexually assaulted so you don’t know with absolute certainty.
People who did freeze instead of doing fight or flight surprised themselves that they froze when they thought they would run if they found themselves in this situation. People don’t always respond the way they think they would. It’s called being human. We’re all imperfect. Not everything we do makes perfect sense, despite our best intentions.
Grabbing a person’s genitals isn’t harassment. That’s assault. This assailant clearly didn’t like that Andrew rejected him and escalated the situation by making it about power by doing sexual acts onto Andrew that Andrew did not want. That’s rape.
@@hindsightpov4218 Feminist lies. He went in willingly. There was nothing to freeze up about. The guy did not have a knife to him. He followed the guy. Stop making excuses for Andrew. He is not mentally fit to be an adult situations.therefore he should not be there and stop getting other people expelled for awkward advances.