It’s so upsetting to me when I hear people say “Eugenia is gaining weight”. “Your gaining weight” is the LAST thing someone who is recovering from an ED wants to hear!!
@@shoeboxenterpriseslinda3151 hey babes, not really sure if it's my place but is there something appropriate to say that's encouraging or is it better to simply be an ear whenever people feel the need to talk rather than commenting about something that some people don't fully understand?
Seriously, when I first began recovering from my eating disorder- people around me would constantly comment on my weight gain, and while no harm was usually meant, my eating disorder mind would take this negatively. I remember one time I had a relative innocently mention about how I finally had gotten some "meat on me", but in my head it translated into how "chubby" I had gotten. I obsessed over that tiny sentence for months on end.
Jewel Bass im trying to lose weight as had disordered eating after my sister suicided:( and when i tell friends or family members im trying to lose weight cos im on the BMI overweight line they give unsolicited advice and make comments on what im eating or how my exercising is going... like its frustrating.. i also emotionally eat so its hard too... its very hard losing weight and ppl’s comments dont help, keep trigger things to yourself i say cos a lot of ppl dont understand or judge! Xx
You know when I recovered from my bulimia/anorexia over 10 years ago, people to this day tell me “you used to look better blah blah” and that was so hurtful to me because they didn’t know that I was sick. I wore huge clothes and nothing body hugging so that my ribs and hip bones wouldn’t show. They didn’t see what I saw and it kills me to hear them say shit like this, it’s triggering to my ED and makes me a little angry at their ignorance and shallowness. You’re strong Jewel Bass you survived this and you’ll pull through.
Maven 😪😪 Thank you 🙏🏻 This is honestly the first time someone has said something this kind and understanding to me. ED’s are complicated and people don’t necessarily see them as illnesses, they think people are just being stupid or immature. But this is a serious mental disorder and many people from it. Thank you again. I learned to keep those Kinds of toxic people away from my life (mostly high school acquaintances) because their comments were triggering to me and I got fed up of having to explain to them that I wasn’t well. I wish more people were like you, this world would definitely be a better place. 😘
Thanks for saying this! As soon as I find out anymore has an eating disorder history I make a mental note to never comment on their weight. I was 5 years into recovery and I got all these weight comments and then I relapsed. Now I'm still stuck in it.
While I agree that it would be extremely hard with millions of eyes on you, she did put herself out there intentionally knowing the slew of comments and interest her emaciated body would cause. She definitely enjoyed the attention. That doesnt mean she deserves the criticism but she does have a part to play in this. She also allowed her hair stylist to take a photo of her and post it on the net. She knows there will be comments.
The worst part is the narcissists who hindered her illness will be the first to take the credit for "saving her". Onion will have a brand new Jesus complex and accept full credit for her "finally listening to him".
Yeah hes the reason a lot of women don't trust men any more either im not sure why he even has a channel. That last video i saw of her in the spring crushed me i had just gotten out of a psych hospital and now this? Im not even sure if she's still alive that's what scares me about life.
“The fact that you’ve got all of these creators saying ‘you guys did it, we did it, I did it!’ No you didn’t; she did it, she’s doing it, she will do it” This is so important! Thank you Mia for speaking out about this because it’s so true for mental illness recovery as a whole. One visual spec of a ‘recovery’ does not mean that a person is ‘recovered’ and it’s for no one other than the person with the disorder/illness to claim responsibility for that recovery. It’s their accomplishment and no one else’s.
I find it so annoying/disgusting that anyone is claiming they had a part in her getting help. People have commented / made videos about her for YEARS telling her to get help. Ultimately she decided to get the help she needed and I highly doubt any comment really influenced that. Taking credit for someone else's recovery is gross and selfish. We should congratulate her on taking such a big step, not act like "we did it".
Never EVER say to a person in the beginning stages of recovery "you're looking healthy". When you say that to a person in recovery, all they can hear is "I clearly see you've gained kilos". That one word can trigger a relapse. There are things to say to support anyone in recovery. "it's nice to see you smiling more". Or compliment their bloody hair. Never draw attention to their body, whether positive or negative.
I didn't expect you to make a video about this ever. But there needs to be more support and education. It's also crazy that people want to take credit for her possible recovery.
It makes me so sad that people can see her gaining weight and automatically think she's recovered or doing so much better because weight isn't an indicator at all. In fact it generally gets worse before it gets better. Thanks Mia for sharing this and breaking down the myths about ED's x
I agree, but I have to say its releaving to see her gaining weight because I can't help but to think that she was close to death, and although I know it doesn't mean she's all better but still physically she's more stable, and the fact that she is putting on weight means that she's trying to get better. I'd never try to say this to her because I don't know how it would be preceived.
Those first few kilos, and the first indication of your trousers feeling slightly tighter often trigger a relapse. Plus it's PAINFUL to start eating again. She's got a lifetime of recovery ahead of her. She's a beautiful person. I mean her bloody heart just wants to make people smile. ED's are a living hell. She deserves to recover in peace.
It is something she will be fighting with her whole life. As with any mental health/ addiction. It is hers and she just got out of recovery. Sadly relapse is a real possibility, as 70 percent of all addict relapse. But she can keep trying, and that is the point.she is alive to keep trying.
TH-camrs who claim credit for Eugenias recovery are narcissists trying to get attention.... especially the ones who have never ever met her in person and have never had a meaningful conversation with her in person.
I asked Kati Morton a question and within it came a phrase she said, and I quote,"I wish I'd hear this when I was working at the eating disorder unit!" That phrase was, "Don't tell me I've gained weight, tell me I seem happier." Putting the focus on our brain's response to recovery rather than our body's response is, I believe, the one helpful thing you can do for anyone coming out the other side of an eating disorder. The BEST thing a dear friend said to me was, "Welcome back Bins." Much love everyone. xoxoxoxox Great video as always Mia. :)
One thing people have done to me during recovery is tell me how being thin is so much better than being overweight and I should be thankful I don't have their "problem". Please don't do this to someone working hard to recover from starving themselves.
I cant put into words how happy I am for Eugenia. I've been keeping up with her for years and, as someone who doesnt have a great relationship with food, find it so inspiring. I hope she stays off the internet to continue healing and avoid falling back into old habits. Loved hearing what you had to say on the subject, I agree 100%.
I agree. I used to be subscribed to her but then decided that was possible I was just encouraging her behavior. I still came to check on her though. She was so far in it I never thought she'd escape.
She addressed what you SHOULDNT be doing, and she is giving great advice to many ignorant people about EDs, which are a very common reality. You guys commenting this is pretty sad, cause you only wanted to hear some gossip about Eugenia per se, and not the global disorders in general and how to act with them (people you care about might have it)
I very much didn’t expect the content of this video to hit so so close to home. thank you so much for your comments regarding recovery being one’s own accomplishment and no one else’s. it reminded me of how far I’ve come and to be proud of my commitment to recovery! thank you as always for your insight and your advocacy!
It's so crazy and so cynical that there are actually people trying to take credit for what this brave young woman has done by herself. How narcissistic is that? What Eugenia has decided to confront in herself takes enormous personal courage... taking credit for that is delusional and gross. And the idea that people would imagine she is in anything other than total hell right now is baffling. I've no doubt she feels worse about herself than she ever has... I understand the urge to reinforce her courageous decision to get well by celebrating her apparent refeeding, but surely the best way we can help her is to leave her alone. We can tell her we're proud of her when and if, down the line, she indicates she's ready to hear from us.
The weight gain comments are the WORST but usually inevitable because, like you said, there is a serious lack of understanding. When I was inpatient last year a psychologist gave me some advice that was really helpful in dealing with that. She said that when I don't know how to interpret those comments, they translate to, "I'm glad you aren't going to die". I didn't know it at the time but before I went to treatment apparently my family and friends were always worried about my heart failing and other fatal complications of my ED so seeing me looking improved physically put those worries at ease. Having that translation was really helpful when I came home and had to deal with those comments.
I was worried when I saw what the video was about but you handled it so intelligently and maturely I love that I can trust you to never assume anything and only talk about things that are going to help us your audience ❤❤❤
I didn't heal from Anorexia and Bulimia until I moved to a different city and met new people who had no previous opinions or judgements about me. My family was a pain in the A$$ trying to "help" me for years and years, and what gave me the strength to start healing was being surrounded by people who didn't even mention my eating disorders, actually. Eating disorders has a strong connection to anxiety, so in order to help someone, please do this: 1. Shut up. Don't talk about the disorder. It's like putting more fuel on the fire, creating more anxiety which is gonna make the sufferer's brain go in to loop and prevent them from healing. 2. Keep the days normal. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just be the healthy friend that has their shit together so that your friend with the disorder can feel safe with you. 3. It's okay to ask "do you wanna taste?" when you have a snack or something, because that is keeping the days normal. But do NOT try to make your friend eat, and also don't stop sharing your snacks with them either. They're probably gonna say no but they'll appreciate you asking, believe me. I remember when people stopped asking me if I wanted a snack and that just made me feel like they'd given up on me. So when they say no, just say "okay" and go on as usual. Keep in mind that people without an eating disorders say no sometimes as well so don't make it weird. 4. NEVER (!!) ever try to control their behavior like watching them so they don't go out running etc. Let them do whatever, you want to help but that's not a way to help. You WILL make the disorder worse by trying to control your friend. BELIEVE ME. 5. Basically live on as usual, be that normal friend you've always been (no changes!!), almost pretend like nothing's wrong and only talk about the eating disorder if your friend WANTS to. 6. It's awesome if you can invite your friend to different activities because keeping the mind busy on other things is one huge step towards a healthy recovery. Eating disorders makes a person obsess about the same things over and over again, and having friends that drag you with them to a bunch of fun stuff to do will keep their mind on something else for a while,.
Couldn't agree more with the weight restoration part you spoke about. In healthier times, coming from emaciated states, I was told how great I look and people assumed I was fine. I was absolutely not. Needless to say, years later and after countless relapses, I am more comfortable with my body and recovery that I've ever been. Weirdly, people aren't commenting about my weight any more, or perhaps I've rewired my brain to just not pay it attention? Anyway, I wanted to say you articulate the recovery process spot on, with the physical and mental processes. It's such a misunderstood phenomenon (illness and recovery with restrictive eating disorders), and I am so glad you are spreading the awareness and helping so many people!
Hey Mark, how did you rewire your brain to not take in comments about your, or even other people's, bodies? Because I'm at a stage where I gained a bit of weight to not look visibly sick so people assume I'm normal and tbh theres people who are naturally slimmer than I am now.
I have the same question how did you rewire your brain? Or does that just happen over time? In past I have gotten healthy & reached a point of recovery & body comments about how great I looked were NOT helpful @ all. It wasn't until I'd sustained recovery for a long time & my ideal healthy image in my brain changed to normalcy did I accept body compliments. So I guess it just depends on someone's state of recovery or frame of mind as to how accepting they are right?
If Eugenia does have an ED I think it's best for her to stay away from social media. She's been so over exposed, and many people have good intentions (many other don't) but seeing comments and videos about her at the moment is not helpful.
Agree, Any toxic environment definitely, its tough. I try not to take it too seriously. The clothing is a landmine. Have got a gut and just wear mens.I had to make a call just like everyone has to do. As an anorexic there is no life at the weight I hit.I want to recover with strength and exercise weight gain shouldn't matter. I want to attain the look I like in a healthy and safe manner. Its hard but not impossible.
I think one of the most damaging things I’ve seen is the side-by-side photos of Eugenia of her now and prior to her alleged recovery. I know everyone is different, but I’m 6 years deep into recovery and it’s still not healthy for me to go back and look at photos of me prior to recovery. If she’s in recovery for ed, I truly hope she has a good support system at home, and I wish her the best on her journey.
This is a great insight people don’t realize she’s been in this disorder for years I don’t think she can miraculously be better in a few months. I was shocked to see how she looks just because it’s been such a short amount of time and we don’t know what’s going on being the scenes or if she even wants to recover. I just hope she is happy and has supportive people around her
So true! And I’m so glad you’re spreading awareness about this. Commenting on a recovering anorexics weight gain is the single most triggering thing I can possibly imagine. During my own recovery, I legit cried for two hours because someone told me that my face looked fuller.
Thank you for this video. I don’t think I know anyone with an eating disorder but if I hadn’t watched this video I would have approached the situation in totally the wrong way. I myself struggle with my mental health and have a chronic illness many people don’t understand, and I still was misinformed about how to approach someone’s ED recovery. So grateful for this video and your channel.
Except she was literally forced to go... To a lockdown facility... While kicking & screaming... None of it was up to her, at least until the hold was up.
Absolutely lovely as always! I love sending your videos to my husband, he finds your videos incredibly helpful on what I'm going through. I would say saying things like "you are valuable" or helping my differentiate between what is my ED and what are actual valid thoughts is the most helpful during this journey. Keep up the great work Mia 😊
All too true how when you weight restore the compliments come and in and people start thinking you're recovered, when in reality the eating disorder voices often are as loud as they ever were or sometimes even louder. Worst of all is how doctors and even psychiatrists think that the hard work is done when you gain a little bit of weight. Even the specialists of the mind forget about how eating disorders are illnesss of the mind when someone no longer has the physical symptoms.
BINGO! Well said it goes beyond common folks around you that see the visible difference & make comments. What's so crazy is that even my own treatment team like Drs think I'm all better just cuz I gained weight. So they'd back off or discharge me. But omg dangerous mistake. I'm a fast weigh gained but geez my head & emotions can much longer to catch up. I sure as F do NOT wanna hear I look "healthy". That simply confirms how much weight & fat was gained then I freak the F out. I already feel extremely uncomfortable & flat out disgusted. I seriously feel like I have zero control.
@@Taureanfitness I'm so sorry Taurean that your treatment team was so insensitive! I wish I went to treatment. I was too good at hiding my symptoms from the outside world even though at my sickest I would have met criteria for admission. But now I am more physically stable though still very restrictive in mindset and amenorrhea and I feel like I will never be taken seriously if I tried to get treatment. I hope you find the courage to continue in your recovery despite the ignorance of your doctors. Sending love ❤
@@kithminicooray2008 thank you girl! I'm not OK but ED treatment centers do NOT accept Medicare or Medicaid so I get nothing. I was just in medical hospital for a week w/ severe hypokalemia & hyponatremia. My electrolytes were so dangerously low Drs were concerned for my heart & kidneys etc but so many risky factors + I'm only 60% of my normal body weight. But gaining weight doesn't fix what's inside. I'm trying to seek as much help as I can. I have a ton of support friends & family, free support group, & church.
@@kithminicooray2008 I will pray for you! Don't give up. You can do this. You're a beautiful person both inside & out. Don't be afraid to be your whole self. You deserve PEACE within❤
I think the best way for her to recover to is leave all of her social media behind. How can she return when she'll see videos/images of herself being underweight. That would be so triggering! I'm pleased to see that she is on the road to recovery and I wish her the very best.
Yes, yes, yes on weight restoration! It is such an awful part of recovery. I wish people understood this so much. Thank you for making a video on this x
My friend’s recovery coach told my other friends and I that we shouldn’t mention looks or time. I don’t know about everybody but for my friend who has bulimia and in my own mental illness it is triggering to talk about time. That’s what I tried to tell those who are talking about Eugenia. I hope she works her way to her own well being at her own pace.
I have been fighting my insurance company now for a year and a half and it is a Medicaid based insurance. I get told on a daily basis that I am too skinny and too skinny is not pretty. I am totally blind, so therefore cannot see what I look like. I feel ashamed every time I leave my apartment, because the tenants in my building have a tendency to talk about me when I don’t think I can hear them. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve even been asked how chemotherapy was going because they thought I had cancer. I had someone in Walmart tell me the other day that maybe I should just join a field competition. I was at the ER the other night and the nurse practitioner just told me to go home and eat foods with lots of water and lots of calories in it. If only it were that simple. There needs to be more education and awareness.
One thing about commenting on someone's appearance when they're in recovery is focusing on things like how her eyes look so much brighter and she looks happier. Or if you know someone in person and you notice they're more quick-witted or can just keep up in general in life more you can compliment them on that. There are compliments that are productive, people just forget about those things and focus on weight. I was happy when I saw the picture because she had this relaxed, effortless look of happiness that I've never seen from her before, and her eyes looked so much more alive and shiny when they used to be dull.
I've seen video titles like 'Eugenia is FINALLY recovering!!!' which troubles me so much because the wording of that and use of the word 'finally' has huge implications that she's like, a burden, or that people have been impatient on waiting for her to recover. If I was her and I read that I'd feel awful. People really need to pay closer attention to how they word things.
I started tearing up watching this. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but the people who make really uneducated comments can do like way more harm and I feel like when you don't understand it, then you probably shouldn't comment on it. I was in recovery for awhile from anorexia but all those comments people would make harsh or "positive" is kinda what led me to fall into this long struggle with bulimia. No matter how much I try I still find myself falling into old habits. People still go, "you're still so skinny" or "you look great!" But to me that's bad because I'm binge eating to have gained weight. So that led to the laxatives and purging etc. People have cut back some, but I don't think people realize how these things can affect the sufferer. Some people call me an idiot who needs to stop doing it. Like lol thanks let's add that to my inner monologue calling me a fat cow and etc. "Tough love" needs to be treaded lightly with these mental illnesses.
You are one of the very few people on here that get it. I think you have to go through Anorexia to really understand. I recovered from it in my teens. I am much older now than most on here and I remember statements like "you look good/healthy" all meant "fat" to me. You have it just right. I want Eugenia to get well, but you are right those well meant statements can actually set you back. Thank you for this video. I hope people will truly take this video to heart. It is the truth about this disease as someone who has been through it too and recovered. Better people not talk to her about her weight at all, just be kind and supportive to her.
I'm so glad you made this video. Whenever someone commented on my weight during my recovery, I would start freaking out. Sometimes it would even bring me to tears and make me restrict my food again. People who had never experienced what it's like will never understand how difficult recovering from an ed really is. And how strong the person must be for deciding to do it every single day. The fact that so many unaware people are making videos about eugenia where they talk about her "looking healthier" scares me.
Great video, Mia :) I chose to study psychology after suffering from anorexia for many years. Now I've finished my bachelor's degree and am off to do a master's degree to become a certified authorized clinical psychologist in the field. I really feel like eating disorder treatment could benefit from health professionals who have been there, themselves, bc they have intimate knowledge on the kind of behaviours that could be triggering :)
Thank you for this video, I've been struggling for 15 years, and I am still struggling, I'm at a healthy weight but to me is gross, so this video is so great to hear thank you
I really think her doing this as privately as possible is the best way for her. So many people are attached to her and what she looked like that that's all the talk. I saw the photo you showed on Reddit yesterday and some of her fans think it's "disrespectful" for her not let them know what's going on. Being out of the spotlight is best rather than being bombarded with thousands of comments every day that are only going to hold her back. She needs to focus on herself and I think her fans need to respect that. (Okay, hopefully edit number 3 I can actually make sense of my words instead of the mess)
I've seen so many people comment on how she looks so much better and so healthy but fail to realize she isn't going to be recovered in 3 months and it is a cropped photo of her hair covering her shoulders and chest mainly. Ie not evidence of recovery. One of my friends has been in and out of treatment for 8 years now. It's important to be supportive but getting someone to treatment or getting them to go isn't their achievement and it's very frustrating to have people basically try to take credit for someone's recovery. "Well I got her to go into treatment". It's really not our business and it's so painfully public. Last thing she needs is seeing so many people comment on her weight. This is often a lifelong stuggle and just gaining weight doesn't equate to health. I honestly wish the best for her and her recovery and I hope she gets the privacy she needs. I've seen people already trying to find her hospital etc and it's so disgusting to me.
Recovery and being in the public eye is hard. Shit, recovery and just people noticing on a personal scale (family, friends, peers) is hard enough. If it's true, its awesome and I am happy for her. I suffered for 17 years, I'm now 30. I've been recovered for 3 years now.
Oh gosh so so true. When the outside is healing faster then ur mental state and the well meaning but triggering comments. My best friend once said one sentence to me one day while I was having a breakdown about being in my bigger body which hit me right in the heart in a profound and loving way. I yelled at her 'i hate my body'....and she responded with 'well I love it because it has you in it'...
"anything you comment about their appearance is not going to be received correctly." YES. It did not matter what someone said to me "you look healthy/good" = "you look fat". " you look thin" = "you could look thinner." "you're beautiful" = "you'd be more beautiful if you were thinner." There is no good way to comment on their appearance that will make them feel good or encourage recovery, it will pretty much always encourage the disorder. Commenting on what they eat will also never be received correctly, if I was eating a grape and someone commented " you don't eat very much", it would translate as "you are still eating too much.", if I managed to eat something high in calories and someone said "good! you're eating!" it would translate as "you're going to get fat, stop now." Just don't comment.
Thank you, Mia, hopefully, this video reaches some of the people involved. I also have heard a lot about how weight loss with an eating disorder determines the severity of the eating disorder would love to hear your thoughts on that. Thanks, Mia, Loved the Video.
4:07 oh my god yes... Thank you so much Mia for this very important video, I hope it gets the attention it deserves. While people who don't go through an ED can never fully understand it and are rightfully very confused, I think it's very simple and manageable to just NOT comment on someone's appearance and food. Just this one little thing can make a big difference. Thank you! 💜
You've voiced exactly what I have been thinking!! I have felt so sorry for Eugenia. Its like Amy Winehouse and how she was hounded and criticised! Plus, how can these people really believe their analysis on their you tube accounts and taking credit for her recovery is so ridiculous and egotistical. I feel bad even writing this comment as it's nobody's business to comment!! But I'm so glad to hear this supportive and insightful video
Now that you very clearly gave us positive information about what not to do or more importantly say, what should we say to help and encourage encourage?
Thank you so much for talking about the fact that SHE did it. SHE chose recovery. Her audience did nothing if not make things worse for her. You spoke very intelligently on this topic and I think it’s so important for people to be more knowledgeable about eating disorders before they say something ❤️
Late but the only one who is responsible for her choosing to recover is herself. In the end it is her choice to get help. What the Internet did was just throw around what they thought and though it was good intent mostly in the end. It is her who is changing for herself. I'm happy for her and I am glad. I'm cheering her on and I can not wait to see her if she chooses to show her new self when she feels like it. 💖
Awesome video , thank you ! I have a question, when I was really trying and wanted to recover from this I had a really really hard time with people saying you look healthier and comments like that, I could not say anything like please don’t say anything about how I looked or anything like . I really really could not say anything to them, any ideas on how to help with this ? I hope you can understand what I’m trying to say . Thank you so very much!
Thanks Mia for a well thought out talk on what to do or say (or not) when someone is in recovery from as eating disorder. It's not about the weight, it's a mental illness. I hope people really get that.
Thank you so much for this video it is validating. In recovery my family gave so much credit to my dietitian and team. They never acknowledged how hard the work was for me and that *I* did it. Hearing you explain why we hate to be told we are looking healthy was amazing you explained it so well. Its hard to get away from that when even my treatment team saw my weight gain as reason to cut back on my thearpy. Even though I often thought about suicide after gaining the weight I thought I couldn't get help because I had improved physically and no one would care about my suffering unless they can "see" it.
Thank you. I hate when people downplay others accomplishments or claim them as their own. SHE is recovering. She very well could have decided to just not try. She deserves support. Not what she's getting. Thanks to her recovery I am finding more hope to recover. If anything, I didn't help her, but by choosing to recover, she is helping me find hope. I love her for that.
I just want people to get off her back and let her live, and I'm so sad that that can't just happen. First, people were telling her to kill herself, accusing her of perpetuating young people's or their own mental health issues, lamenting her death when she was still very much alive, or otherwise saying horrible things to her because they thought she needed "tough love" or something. Now it's not good enough that she's confirmed her eating disorder herself, it's not good enough that Shane Dawson talked to her -- too much was missing, something seemed """"off"""" (check out this timestamp here, look at how her eyes moved), so now Jaclyn Glenn has stepped in and we have to launch a campaign against her mom for being abusive and "keeping her anorexic". People just don't understand that Eugenia's life is not a movie or an episode of a procedural. She's not hiding something about her life in order to further the plot; sometimes talking to someone who is still in the thick of it isn't going to bring about a tell-all biography. And if her mother IS abusive, there is NOTHING the internet at large can do except inflict more trauma. That situation needs to be dealt with entirely offline, preferably by people who don't use her name for clickbait, and Eugenia will address it all on her own terms, if she ever addresses it at all.
I didn’t realize it.. but people with anorexia and bulimia have something in common with people trying to lose weight or are overweight or disordered eating we get comments too and people “trying” to help which can sometimes make things worse! Its that same emotional dysfunctional relationship with food that makes us similar!
As always a spot on, truthful and necessary message despite what nasty ppl may verbally tear you apart for in the comment section. Thank you for being you and the work you do. You make a huge impact and I pray you know this! Much love to you!
I even manage to take comments about being strong or muscular to mean that I should lose weight. There truly is no way to say anything that will be received well.
mousefactors This is a complicated one because I’m Pakistani and when someone says you look ‘healthy’ in the Pakistani community they don’t usually mean healthy they mean ‘chubby’ or fat. You know they’re trying to insult you.
I have a question. Love your videos btw , this info is definitely needed. But you said eating disorders have the high mortality rate of any mental illness? What about substance use disorder? In my experience I’d think that’d blow any other static’s out of the water, as morbid as that sounds? Please keep on doing what you’re doing, and keep fighting the good fight. Sending love and well wishes!
The things that helped me was definitely not commenting on my weight, but acknowledging what I was going through. Encouraging other behaviours than the eating like going to a spa, watching a fun movie wrapped in blankets, seeing people, doodling, learning an instrument, ...anything that doesn't have a direct link with the eating disorder but actually have a link because it's about creating a new like, new habits, taking care of different aspect of our being... it's something helpful to me
Thanks Mia for being so awesome, you understand and express it so well. The problem is, it is unrealistic for people to recover in a fully supportive, trigger-free world. One of the hardest parts of recovery for me, and yet the most powerful tool, was developing a thick skinned immunity to all outside comments and influences. I turned the anger at myself outwards, and hardened up towards people well-meaning and otherwise, took no nonsense from anyone, and recovered by myself and for myself. I did not feel bad about being so uncompromising because I recognised the huge role played by other people's opinions in creating my disorder in the first place. But it worked pretty well. And yet, even now I can be temporarily thrown into a spin by an 'innocuous' comment if I am vulnerable.....we kick on as best we can.
This is such a helpful video, one of my best friends is currently in the beginning of recovery and while I know not to say things, like "you've gained weight." It wouldn't have crossed my mind not to comment on the fact that their simply looking healthier, but it's helpful to know that just because it might not be a direct comment on her weight she might not precieve it the way other's would do to her disorder.
Trank you for your Video. It is very helpful for people like me, very concerned with the illness and really interested in supporting or at least accompany someone with an eating disorder. We know we have been making mistakes the hole time, because we really don’t understand the illness and don’t know what we could do or what is going to be helpful or not, and we really want to help. Now I know that a recovery doesn’t depend on me at all, I can just try to be there when she needs me, but at least I would like to know how not to be harmful
THANK YOU 4 EVERYTHING you said! I completely agree w/ everything you said. I love how knowledgeable & professional you are. God Bless you & thank you for inspiring me to keep trying to find recovery again.
That is a great point about the ED being active. That comment is very dangerous, I have non purging anorexia(exercise) and at mys worst I was training 3 hours daily on a starvation diet . I was told I looked healthier the more I purged and that I was putting on weight. I was actually losing weight 2 pounds weekly. I started to feel guilty buying food and cried thinking I was selfish for buying food my body didn't need. I felt like I was dying, I was extremely weak and could barely move when I warmed down. That alone may have killed me. Another time I'd lost some size while preparing for a competition and it was said that I looked bigger. I spent an hour measuring myself. I have some extra weight to lose and was convinced that eating would make it impossible. I was starving. I didn't believe I needed food to live. I weighed less than I thought when I met the professional and he explained my low intake was risky and he proved I would not gain weight on a maintenance number of calories. Its a month since. He's correct. I need to increase calories to avoid an anorexia relapse long term. Thats the harm it did. The comment could also be a lie to knock confidence. The comment is never appropriate. I could not do any more exercise or eat any less.I went to a professional to get help for the eating phobia I can eat more calories without weight gain though my anorexia still tells me a lot of lies. I left the club that kept triggering the anorexia. It was a club I enjoyed and I no longer go as they wouldn't stop. I'm terrified to even look in the door. All because people wouldn't leave me alone. I had explained I had anorexia and it was known I had a phobia of eating. My body could have shut down in my sleep telling an anorexic they put on weight is a loaded gun. Just don't say anything.
THANK YOU it has been bothering me sooooo much whatever that girl is going through she is so strong and so lovely and she is constantly battered around, whatever is happening with her i just hope she can finda better place than the toxic wasteland that she has been so horrifically subjected to whatever is going on i'm Team Cooney all the way.
i somethimes wonder if people who make such comments are watching these videos. i sure hope they do..., i wish all the people out there would just have to watch one, understand it and try their best. it’s horrible when people assume that the eating disorder is gone, because you’re body is better and you improved so much..., but it’s often still hard. i struggle to make them understand me and my eating disorder is then telling me.., maybe you should go back, then they would understand. it’s so much more dangerous then it seems. thank you for the video.
thank you for this great video! I am really worried about her reading all those weight centered comments.. I hope she still gets over this mental bump. But honestly, I think Eugenia is a very strong woman and even very strong mentally. What she went through online is something, that would have crushed many others.
As a person who has gone through / is still going through (i dont like to admit it) anorexia/bulimia - i usually roll my eyes at people who claim they are advocates for eating disorders and talk about their stories online, But your channel and this video really spoke to me and helped me today. Just want to say thank you. "restoring the weight (btw i enjoy that phrasing) is only the first domino of recovery before many more dominoes" Thank you for this; i keep thinking i should be recovered because my weight is more or less 'restored' but my mind, MY MIND :( is still MAYBE only half way there. :(
It’s so upsetting to me when I hear people say “Eugenia is gaining weight”. “Your gaining weight” is the LAST thing someone who is recovering from an ED wants to hear!!
@Risa The Alien Queen yes healthy is apparently ok to say to me by people in my life too :-( hate it. Runs through my head for a considerable time.
@@shoeboxenterpriseslinda3151 hey babes, not really sure if it's my place but is there something appropriate to say that's encouraging or is it better to simply be an ear whenever people feel the need to talk rather than commenting about something that some people don't fully understand?
So true. Don’t say anything at all about how they look, I know from experience how hurtful it is even if it comes from “good” intentions.
Taylormoon Did you watch the video? Explains it well.
Taylormoon if ur talking about the picture of Eugenia, i would just stick to saying she looks happy/happier
Seriously, when I first began recovering from my eating disorder- people around me would constantly comment on my weight gain, and while no harm was usually meant, my eating disorder mind would take this negatively. I remember one time I had a relative innocently mention about how I finally had gotten some "meat on me", but in my head it translated into how "chubby" I had gotten. I obsessed over that tiny sentence for months on end.
I understand completely x
Jewel Bass im trying to lose weight as had disordered eating after my sister suicided:( and when i tell friends or family members im trying to lose weight cos im on the BMI overweight line they give unsolicited advice and make comments on what im eating or how my exercising is going... like its frustrating.. i also emotionally eat so its hard too... its very hard losing weight and ppl’s comments dont help, keep trigger things to yourself i say cos a lot of ppl dont understand or judge! Xx
You know when I recovered from my bulimia/anorexia over 10 years ago, people to this day tell me “you used to look better blah blah” and that was so hurtful to me because they didn’t know that I was sick. I wore huge clothes and nothing body hugging so that my ribs and hip bones wouldn’t show. They didn’t see what I saw and it kills me to hear them say shit like this, it’s triggering to my ED and makes me a little angry at their ignorance and shallowness.
You’re strong Jewel Bass you survived this and you’ll pull through.
Maven 😪😪
Thank you 🙏🏻
This is honestly the first time someone has said something this kind and understanding to me. ED’s are complicated and people don’t necessarily see them as illnesses, they think people are just being stupid or immature. But this is a serious mental disorder and many people from it. Thank you again.
I learned to keep those Kinds of toxic people away from my life (mostly high school acquaintances) because their comments were triggering to me and I got fed up of having to explain to them that I wasn’t well.
I wish more people were like you, this world would definitely be a better place. 😘
Thanks for saying this! As soon as I find out anymore has an eating disorder history I make a mental note to never comment on their weight. I was 5 years into recovery and I got all these weight comments and then I relapsed. Now I'm still stuck in it.
Its hard enough to recover I cant imagine what she's going through having to do it so involuntarily public.
While I agree that it would be extremely hard with millions of eyes on you, she did put herself out there intentionally knowing the slew of comments and interest her emaciated body would cause. She definitely enjoyed the attention. That doesnt mean she deserves the criticism but she does have a part to play in this. She also allowed her hair stylist to take a photo of her and post it on the net. She knows there will be comments.
The worst part is the narcissists who hindered her illness will be the first to take the credit for "saving her". Onion will have a brand new Jesus complex and accept full credit for her "finally listening to him".
I liked the comment to be the 666th liker..🤪
@@reynarobles9869 hail satan
@@Jess-Rabbit what u did there is called victim blaming and its wrong ma'am
Onion man is so terrible. He made fun of people with depression and body shamed women. Now he wants to act like a savior.
Onision has literally body shamed CHILDREN. Like wtf. Hes terrible
@@phantomlink1219 yeah and made fun of trans people he is horrible.
@@ThisGirlReviews Hes mean to everyone and thinks hes better. An actual god complex- its disgusting
I don't think he has or understands human feelings. He's barely even a human being.
Yeah hes the reason a lot of women don't trust men any more either im not sure why he even has a channel. That last video i saw of her in the spring crushed me i had just gotten out of a psych hospital and now this? Im not even sure if she's still alive that's what scares me about life.
“The fact that you’ve got all of these creators saying ‘you guys did it, we did it, I did it!’ No you didn’t; she did it, she’s doing it, she will do it”
This is so important! Thank you Mia for speaking out about this because it’s so true for mental illness recovery as a whole. One visual spec of a ‘recovery’ does not mean that a person is ‘recovered’ and it’s for no one other than the person with the disorder/illness to claim responsibility for that recovery. It’s their accomplishment and no one else’s.
I find it so annoying/disgusting that anyone is claiming they had a part in her getting help. People have commented / made videos about her for YEARS telling her to get help. Ultimately she decided to get the help she needed and I highly doubt any comment really influenced that. Taking credit for someone else's recovery is gross and selfish. We should congratulate her on taking such a big step, not act like "we did it".
THIS 👏👏👏
“always compassionate never garbage fire onision” GIRL I LOVE YOU
Onion is indeed garbage fire
Never EVER say to a person in the beginning stages of recovery "you're looking healthy". When you say that to a person in recovery, all they can hear is "I clearly see you've gained kilos". That one word can trigger a relapse. There are things to say to support anyone in recovery. "it's nice to see you smiling more". Or compliment their bloody hair. Never draw attention to their body, whether positive or negative.
I didn't expect you to make a video about this ever. But there needs to be more support and education. It's also crazy that people want to take credit for her possible recovery.
Yeah, crazy. But not totally unexpected.
It makes me so sad that people can see her gaining weight and automatically think she's recovered or doing so much better because weight isn't an indicator at all. In fact it generally gets worse before it gets better. Thanks Mia for sharing this and breaking down the myths about ED's x
Caitlin Amy Totally agree👍🏻
All this self inflicted bs...smh
I agree, but I have to say its releaving to see her gaining weight because I can't help but to think that she was close to death, and although I know it doesn't mean she's all better but still physically she's more stable, and the fact that she is putting on weight means that she's trying to get better. I'd never try to say this to her because I don't know how it would be preceived.
Those first few kilos, and the first indication of your trousers feeling slightly tighter often trigger a relapse. Plus it's PAINFUL to start eating again. She's got a lifetime of recovery ahead of her. She's a beautiful person. I mean her bloody heart just wants to make people smile. ED's are a living hell. She deserves to recover in peace.
It is something she will be fighting with her whole life. As with any mental health/ addiction. It is hers and she just got out of recovery. Sadly relapse is a real possibility, as 70 percent of all addict relapse. But she can keep trying, and that is the point.she is alive to keep trying.
TH-camrs who claim credit for Eugenias recovery are narcissists trying to get attention.... especially the ones who have never ever met her in person and have never had a meaningful conversation with her in person.
I asked Kati Morton a question and within it came a phrase she said, and I quote,"I wish I'd hear this when I was working at the eating disorder unit!" That phrase was, "Don't tell me I've gained weight, tell me I seem happier." Putting the focus on our brain's response to recovery rather than our body's response is, I believe, the one helpful thing you can do for anyone coming out the other side of an eating disorder. The BEST thing a dear friend said to me was, "Welcome back Bins." Much love everyone. xoxoxoxox Great video as always Mia. :)
Yess!!
Yes yes yes. That’s such a better way to approach someone’s recovery.
One thing people have done to me during recovery is tell me how being thin is so much better than being overweight and I should be thankful I don't have their "problem". Please don't do this to someone working hard to recover from starving themselves.
Right up there with telling people who are trying to gain/maintain their weight that you wish you had their problem smh
I had a therapist tell me this once. I left after the session and didn't go back.
AGREED! Some people think & actually say that I'm lucky to be so thin & that I have nothing to worry about. How IGNORANT!
EXACTLY!! I usually just say "you should be glad YOU don't have MINE"
I've been told that and that was horrible !
this is the only video i would ever “suggest” for eugenia to watch about herself
I cant put into words how happy I am for Eugenia. I've been keeping up with her for years and, as someone who doesnt have a great relationship with food, find it so inspiring. I hope she stays off the internet to continue healing and avoid falling back into old habits. Loved hearing what you had to say on the subject, I agree 100%.
I agree. I used to be subscribed to her but then decided that was possible I was just encouraging her behavior. I still came to check on her though. She was so far in it I never thought she'd escape.
"What you don't know about eugenia cooney's recovery"
Basically nothing.
Ssme here. Time to click away. Thank you
She addressed what you SHOULDNT be doing, and she is giving great advice to many ignorant people about EDs, which are a very common reality. You guys commenting this is pretty sad, cause you only wanted to hear some gossip about Eugenia per se, and not the global disorders in general and how to act with them (people you care about might have it)
@@teresamoscatelli239 Its very sad. I hope they take some time to reflect on themselves. They're part of the problem.
I very much didn’t expect the content of this video to hit so so close to home. thank you so much for your comments regarding recovery being one’s own accomplishment and no one else’s. it reminded me of how far I’ve come and to be proud of my commitment to recovery! thank you as always for your insight and your advocacy!
It's so crazy and so cynical that there are actually people trying to take credit for what this brave young woman has done by herself. How narcissistic is that? What Eugenia has decided to confront in herself takes enormous personal courage... taking credit for that is delusional and gross.
And the idea that people would imagine she is in anything other than total hell right now is baffling. I've no doubt she feels worse about herself than she ever has...
I understand the urge to reinforce her courageous decision to get well by celebrating her apparent refeeding, but surely the best way we can help her is to leave her alone. We can tell her we're proud of her when and if, down the line, she indicates she's ready to hear from us.
The weight gain comments are the WORST but usually inevitable because, like you said, there is a serious lack of understanding. When I was inpatient last year a psychologist gave me some advice that was really helpful in dealing with that. She said that when I don't know how to interpret those comments, they translate to, "I'm glad you aren't going to die".
I didn't know it at the time but before I went to treatment apparently my family and friends were always worried about my heart failing and other fatal complications of my ED so seeing me looking improved physically put those worries at ease. Having that translation was really helpful when I came home and had to deal with those comments.
I was worried when I saw what the video was about but you handled it so intelligently and maturely I love that I can trust you to never assume anything and only talk about things that are going to help us your audience ❤❤❤
I didn't heal from Anorexia and Bulimia until I moved to a different city and met new people who had no previous opinions or judgements about me.
My family was a pain in the A$$ trying to "help" me for years and years, and what gave me the strength to start healing was being surrounded by people who didn't even mention my eating disorders, actually. Eating disorders has a strong connection to anxiety, so in order to help someone, please do this:
1. Shut up. Don't talk about the disorder. It's like putting more fuel on the fire, creating more anxiety which is gonna make the sufferer's brain go in to loop and prevent them from healing.
2. Keep the days normal. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just be the healthy friend that has their shit together so that your friend with the disorder can feel safe with you.
3. It's okay to ask "do you wanna taste?" when you have a snack or something, because that is keeping the days normal. But do NOT try to make your friend eat, and also don't stop sharing your snacks with them either. They're probably gonna say no but they'll appreciate you asking, believe me. I remember when people stopped asking me if I wanted a snack and that just made me feel like they'd given up on me. So when they say no, just say "okay" and go on as usual. Keep in mind that people without an eating disorders say no sometimes as well so don't make it weird.
4. NEVER (!!) ever try to control their behavior like watching them so they don't go out running etc. Let them do whatever, you want to help but that's not a way to help. You WILL make the disorder worse by trying to control your friend. BELIEVE ME.
5. Basically live on as usual, be that normal friend you've always been (no changes!!), almost pretend like nothing's wrong and only talk about the eating disorder if your friend WANTS to.
6. It's awesome if you can invite your friend to different activities because keeping the mind busy on other things is one huge step towards a healthy recovery. Eating disorders makes a person obsess about the same things over and over again, and having friends that drag you with them to a bunch of fun stuff to do will keep their mind on something else for a while,.
Thank you for his comment. I have a friend with this and I hope to be able to help her.
Couldn't agree more with the weight restoration part you spoke about. In healthier times, coming from emaciated states, I was told how great I look and people assumed I was fine. I was absolutely not. Needless to say, years later and after countless relapses, I am more comfortable with my body and recovery that I've ever been. Weirdly, people aren't commenting about my weight any more, or perhaps I've rewired my brain to just not pay it attention?
Anyway, I wanted to say you articulate the recovery process spot on, with the physical and mental processes. It's such a misunderstood phenomenon (illness and recovery with restrictive eating disorders), and I am so glad you are spreading the awareness and helping so many people!
Hey Mark, how did you rewire your brain to not take in comments about your, or even other people's, bodies? Because I'm at a stage where I gained a bit of weight to not look visibly sick so people assume I'm normal and tbh theres people who are naturally slimmer than I am now.
I have the same question how did you rewire your brain? Or does that just happen over time? In past I have gotten healthy & reached a point of recovery & body comments about how great I looked were NOT helpful @ all. It wasn't until I'd sustained recovery for a long time & my ideal healthy image in my brain changed to normalcy did I accept body compliments. So I guess it just depends on someone's state of recovery or frame of mind as to how accepting they are right?
You're so correct that right now, 1 year later, she's even thinner.
By the way, your channel is amazing! I'm binge... WATCHING.
Very well put. This video is 100% point on, absolutely true!
She looks so beautiful like there’s a warmth from her in that pic, also she looks a lot like Carley Rae
If Eugenia does have an ED I think it's best for her to stay away from social media. She's been so over exposed, and many people have good intentions (many other don't) but seeing comments and videos about her at the moment is not helpful.
Agree, Any toxic environment definitely, its tough. I try not to take it too seriously. The clothing is a landmine. Have got a gut and just wear mens.I had to make a call just like everyone has to do. As an anorexic there is no life at the weight I hit.I want to recover with strength and exercise weight gain shouldn't matter. I want to attain the look I like in a healthy and safe manner. Its hard but not impossible.
@@soniczforever5470 Take care of you Sonicz
I think one of the most damaging things I’ve seen is the side-by-side photos of Eugenia of her now and prior to her alleged recovery. I know everyone is different, but I’m 6 years deep into recovery and it’s still not healthy for me to go back and look at photos of me prior to recovery. If she’s in recovery for ed, I truly hope she has a good support system at home, and I wish her the best on her journey.
This is a great insight people don’t realize she’s been in this disorder for years I don’t think she can miraculously be better in a few months. I was shocked to see how she looks just because it’s been such a short amount of time and we don’t know what’s going on being the scenes or if she even wants to recover.
I just hope she is happy and has supportive people around her
Thank you for saying all this. I wish more people viewed this. Top notch education. You've got a new sub now 💗
So true! And I’m so glad you’re spreading awareness about this. Commenting on a recovering anorexics weight gain is the single most triggering thing I can possibly imagine.
During my own recovery, I legit cried for two hours because someone told me that my face looked fuller.
Thank you so much for your commentary, Mia. You speak the truth, my truth, and I’m so happy that you have this platform to spread this awareness. 💕
Thank you for this video. I don’t think I know anyone with an eating disorder but if I hadn’t watched this video I would have approached the situation in totally the wrong way. I myself struggle with my mental health and have a chronic illness many people don’t understand, and I still was misinformed about how to approach someone’s ED recovery. So grateful for this video and your channel.
This video is so important, commenting on someone’s weight gain may seem like a compliment but it can actually be someone trigger.
Except she was literally forced to go... To a lockdown facility... While kicking & screaming... None of it was up to her, at least until the hold was up.
Absolutely lovely as always! I love sending your videos to my husband, he finds your videos incredibly helpful on what I'm going through.
I would say saying things like "you are valuable" or helping my differentiate between what is my ED and what are actual valid thoughts is the most helpful during this journey.
Keep up the great work Mia 😊
Love that Claire - awesome compliment to give in recovery!
All too true how when you weight restore the compliments come and in and people start thinking you're recovered, when in reality the eating disorder voices often are as loud as they ever were or sometimes even louder. Worst of all is how doctors and even psychiatrists think that the hard work is done when you gain a little bit of weight. Even the specialists of the mind forget about how eating disorders are illnesss of the mind when someone no longer has the physical symptoms.
BINGO! Well said it goes beyond common folks around you that see the visible difference & make comments. What's so crazy is that even my own treatment team like Drs think I'm all better just cuz I gained weight. So they'd back off or discharge me. But omg dangerous mistake. I'm a fast weigh gained but geez my head & emotions can much longer to catch up. I sure as F do NOT wanna hear I look "healthy". That simply confirms how much weight & fat was gained then I freak the F out. I already feel extremely uncomfortable & flat out disgusted. I seriously feel like I have zero control.
@@Taureanfitness I'm so sorry Taurean that your treatment team was so insensitive!
I wish I went to treatment. I was too good at hiding my symptoms from the outside world even though at my sickest I would have met criteria for admission. But now I am more physically stable though still very restrictive in mindset and amenorrhea and I feel like I will never be taken seriously if I tried to get treatment.
I hope you find the courage to continue in your recovery despite the ignorance of your doctors.
Sending love ❤
@@kithminicooray2008 thank you girl! I'm not OK but ED treatment centers do NOT accept Medicare or Medicaid so I get nothing. I was just in medical hospital for a week w/ severe hypokalemia & hyponatremia. My electrolytes were so dangerously low Drs were concerned for my heart & kidneys etc but so many risky factors + I'm only 60% of my normal body weight. But gaining weight doesn't fix what's inside. I'm trying to seek as much help as I can. I have a ton of support friends & family, free support group, & church.
@@kithminicooray2008 I will pray for you! Don't give up. You can do this. You're a beautiful person both inside & out. Don't be afraid to be your whole self. You deserve PEACE within❤
@@Taureanfitness Thank you
I think the best way for her to recover to is leave all of her social media behind. How can she return when she'll see videos/images of herself being underweight. That would be so triggering! I'm pleased to see that she is on the road to recovery and I wish her the very best.
Yes, yes, yes on weight restoration! It is such an awful part of recovery. I wish people understood this so much. Thank you for making a video on this x
My friend’s recovery coach told my other friends and I that we shouldn’t mention looks or time. I don’t know about everybody but for my friend who has bulimia and in my own mental illness it is triggering to talk about time. That’s what I tried to tell those who are talking about Eugenia. I hope she works her way to her own well being at her own pace.
I have been fighting my insurance company now for a year and a half and it is a Medicaid based insurance. I get told on a daily basis that I am too skinny and too skinny is not pretty. I am totally blind, so therefore cannot see what I look like. I feel ashamed every time I leave my apartment, because the tenants in my building have a tendency to talk about me when I don’t think I can hear them. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve even been asked how chemotherapy was going because they thought I had cancer. I had someone in Walmart tell me the other day that maybe I should just join a field competition. I was at the ER the other night and the nurse practitioner just told me to go home and eat foods with lots of water and lots of calories in it. If only it were that simple. There needs to be more education and awareness.
One thing about commenting on someone's appearance when they're in recovery is focusing on things like how her eyes look so much brighter and she looks happier. Or if you know someone in person and you notice they're more quick-witted or can just keep up in general in life more you can compliment them on that. There are compliments that are productive, people just forget about those things and focus on weight. I was happy when I saw the picture because she had this relaxed, effortless look of happiness that I've never seen from her before, and her eyes looked so much more alive and shiny when they used to be dull.
Mitchy Sassi exactly!!
I've seen video titles like 'Eugenia is FINALLY recovering!!!' which troubles me so much because the wording of that and use of the word 'finally' has huge implications that she's like, a burden, or that people have been impatient on waiting for her to recover. If I was her and I read that I'd feel awful. People really need to pay closer attention to how they word things.
I started tearing up watching this. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but the people who make really uneducated comments can do like way more harm and I feel like when you don't understand it, then you probably shouldn't comment on it. I was in recovery for awhile from anorexia but all those comments people would make harsh or "positive" is kinda what led me to fall into this long struggle with bulimia. No matter how much I try I still find myself falling into old habits. People still go, "you're still so skinny" or "you look great!" But to me that's bad because I'm binge eating to have gained weight. So that led to the laxatives and purging etc. People have cut back some, but I don't think people realize how these things can affect the sufferer. Some people call me an idiot who needs to stop doing it. Like lol thanks let's add that to my inner monologue calling me a fat cow and etc. "Tough love" needs to be treaded lightly with these mental illnesses.
You are one of the very few people on here that get it. I think you have to go through Anorexia to really understand. I recovered from it in my teens. I am much older now than most on here and I remember statements like "you look good/healthy" all meant "fat" to me. You have it just right. I want Eugenia to get well, but you are right those well meant statements can actually set you back. Thank you for this video. I hope people will truly take this video to heart. It is the truth about this disease as someone who has been through it too and recovered. Better people not talk to her about her weight at all, just be kind and supportive to her.
I'm so glad you made this video.
Whenever someone commented on my weight during my recovery, I would start freaking out. Sometimes it would even bring me to tears and make me restrict my food again. People who had never experienced what it's like will never understand how difficult recovering from an ed really is. And how strong the person must be for deciding to do it every single day.
The fact that so many unaware people are making videos about eugenia where they talk about her "looking healthier" scares me.
Great video, Mia :) I chose to study psychology after suffering from anorexia for many years. Now I've finished my bachelor's degree and am off to do a master's degree to become a certified authorized clinical psychologist in the field. I really feel like eating disorder treatment could benefit from health professionals who have been there, themselves, bc they have intimate knowledge on the kind of behaviours that could be triggering :)
Thank you for this video, I've been struggling for 15 years, and I am still struggling, I'm at a healthy weight but to me is gross, so this video is so great to hear thank you
Seriously thank you so much for speaking up about this!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏 couldn't agree more with your message. Everyone needs to see this video!!!! EVERYONE !
I really think her doing this as privately as possible is the best way for her. So many people are attached to her and what she looked like that that's all the talk. I saw the photo you showed on Reddit yesterday and some of her fans think it's "disrespectful" for her not let them know what's going on. Being out of the spotlight is best rather than being bombarded with thousands of comments every day that are only going to hold her back. She needs to focus on herself and I think her fans need to respect that.
(Okay, hopefully edit number 3 I can actually make sense of my words instead of the mess)
I've seen so many people comment on how she looks so much better and so healthy but fail to realize she isn't going to be recovered in 3 months and it is a cropped photo of her hair covering her shoulders and chest mainly. Ie not evidence of recovery. One of my friends has been in and out of treatment for 8 years now. It's important to be supportive but getting someone to treatment or getting them to go isn't their achievement and it's very frustrating to have people basically try to take credit for someone's recovery. "Well I got her to go into treatment". It's really not our business and it's so painfully public. Last thing she needs is seeing so many people comment on her weight. This is often a lifelong stuggle and just gaining weight doesn't equate to health. I honestly wish the best for her and her recovery and I hope she gets the privacy she needs. I've seen people already trying to find her hospital etc and it's so disgusting to me.
Recovery and being in the public eye is hard. Shit, recovery and just people noticing on a personal scale (family, friends, peers) is hard enough. If it's true, its awesome and I am happy for her. I suffered for 17 years, I'm now 30. I've been recovered for 3 years now.
Oh gosh so so true. When the outside is healing faster then ur mental state and the well meaning but triggering comments. My best friend once said one sentence to me one day while I was having a breakdown about being in my bigger body which hit me right in the heart in a profound and loving way. I yelled at her 'i hate my body'....and she responded with 'well I love it because it has you in it'...
"anything you comment about their appearance is not going to be received correctly." YES. It did not matter what someone said to me "you look healthy/good" = "you look fat". " you look thin" = "you could look thinner." "you're beautiful" = "you'd be more beautiful if you were thinner." There is no good way to comment on their appearance that will make them feel good or encourage recovery, it will pretty much always encourage the disorder. Commenting on what they eat will also never be received correctly, if I was eating a grape and someone commented " you don't eat very much", it would translate as "you are still eating too much.", if I managed to eat something high in calories and someone said "good! you're eating!" it would translate as "you're going to get fat, stop now." Just don't comment.
Brilliant message Mia, eloquently delivered and bang on point as always! Thanks for everything you're doing 💙
Thank you, Mia, hopefully, this video reaches some of the people involved. I also have heard a lot about how weight loss with an eating disorder determines the severity of the eating disorder would love to hear your thoughts on that. Thanks, Mia, Loved the Video.
Bless people like you. This is an amazing thing to shed light on, thank you 💖
I couldn’t love this more as someone fighting in recovery xx Thankyou
4:07 oh my god yes...
Thank you so much Mia for this very important video, I hope it gets the attention it deserves. While people who don't go through an ED can never fully understand it and are rightfully very confused, I think it's very simple and manageable to just NOT comment on someone's appearance and food. Just this one little thing can make a big difference.
Thank you! 💜
You've voiced exactly what I have been thinking!! I have felt so sorry for Eugenia. Its like Amy Winehouse and how she was hounded and criticised! Plus, how can these people really believe their analysis on their you tube accounts and taking credit for her recovery is so ridiculous and egotistical. I feel bad even writing this comment as it's nobody's business to comment!! But I'm so glad to hear this supportive and insightful video
Now that you very clearly gave us positive information about what not to do or more importantly say, what should we say to help and encourage encourage?
Thank you so much for talking about the fact that SHE did it. SHE chose recovery. Her audience did nothing if not make things worse for her. You spoke very intelligently on this topic and I think it’s so important for people to be more knowledgeable about eating disorders before they say something ❤️
Late but the only one who is responsible for her choosing to recover is herself. In the end it is her choice to get help. What the Internet did was just throw around what they thought and though it was good intent mostly in the end. It is her who is changing for herself. I'm happy for her and I am glad. I'm cheering her on and I can not wait to see her if she chooses to show her new self when she feels like it. 💖
Im glad she is getting treatment. I pray she makes a full complete recovery.
Awesome video , thank you ! I have a question, when I was really trying and wanted to recover from this I had a really really hard time with people saying you look healthier and comments like that, I could not say anything like please don’t say anything about how I looked or anything like . I really really could not say anything to them, any ideas on how to help with this ? I hope you can understand what I’m trying to say . Thank you so very much!
Wow so many truths!! I’m so happy you’ve broken down this topic so eloquently. People need to be aware of this 🙏🏼
Thanks Mia for a well thought out talk on what to do or say (or not) when someone is in recovery from as eating disorder. It's not about the weight, it's a mental illness. I hope people really get that.
Thank you so much for making this video. This is the first sensible thing I’ve heard on this topic to date and I hope it reaches a lot of people
Thank you so much for this video it is validating. In recovery my family gave so much credit to my dietitian and team. They never acknowledged how hard the work was for me and that *I* did it.
Hearing you explain why we hate to be told we are looking healthy was amazing you explained it so well. Its hard to get away from that when even my treatment team saw my weight gain as reason to cut back on my thearpy. Even though I often thought about suicide after gaining the weight I thought I couldn't get help because I had improved physically and no one would care about my suffering unless they can "see" it.
Thank you for making this video. 💚
Thank you so much for putting this out there ❤️
Thank you. I hate when people downplay others accomplishments or claim them as their own. SHE is recovering. She very well could have decided to just not try. She deserves support. Not what she's getting. Thanks to her recovery I am finding more hope to recover. If anything, I didn't help her, but by choosing to recover, she is helping me find hope. I love her for that.
I totally agree with you so glad you brought this up!
Louder for the people in the back 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you for covering this topic
I just want people to get off her back and let her live, and I'm so sad that that can't just happen. First, people were telling her to kill herself, accusing her of perpetuating young people's or their own mental health issues, lamenting her death when she was still very much alive, or otherwise saying horrible things to her because they thought she needed "tough love" or something. Now it's not good enough that she's confirmed her eating disorder herself, it's not good enough that Shane Dawson talked to her -- too much was missing, something seemed """"off"""" (check out this timestamp here, look at how her eyes moved), so now Jaclyn Glenn has stepped in and we have to launch a campaign against her mom for being abusive and "keeping her anorexic". People just don't understand that Eugenia's life is not a movie or an episode of a procedural. She's not hiding something about her life in order to further the plot; sometimes talking to someone who is still in the thick of it isn't going to bring about a tell-all biography. And if her mother IS abusive, there is NOTHING the internet at large can do except inflict more trauma. That situation needs to be dealt with entirely offline, preferably by people who don't use her name for clickbait, and Eugenia will address it all on her own terms, if she ever addresses it at all.
I didn’t realize it.. but people with anorexia and bulimia have something in common with people trying to lose weight or are overweight or disordered eating we get comments too and people “trying” to help which can sometimes make things worse! Its that same emotional dysfunctional relationship with food that makes us similar!
As always a spot on, truthful and necessary message despite what nasty ppl may verbally tear you apart for in the comment section. Thank you for being you and the work you do. You make a huge impact and I pray you know this! Much love to you!
brilliant video-- well articulated and psychoeducational. bravo!
I even manage to take comments about being strong or muscular to mean that I should lose weight. There truly is no way to say anything that will be received well.
mousefactors This is a complicated one because I’m Pakistani and when someone says you look ‘healthy’ in the Pakistani community they don’t usually mean healthy they mean ‘chubby’ or fat. You know they’re trying to insult you.
I have a question. Love your videos btw , this info is definitely needed. But you said eating disorders have the high mortality rate of any mental illness? What about substance use disorder? In my experience I’d think that’d blow any other static’s out of the water, as morbid as that sounds?
Please keep on doing what you’re doing, and keep fighting the good fight. Sending love and well wishes!
The things that helped me was definitely not commenting on my weight, but acknowledging what I was going through. Encouraging other behaviours than the eating like going to a spa, watching a fun movie wrapped in blankets, seeing people, doodling, learning an instrument, ...anything that doesn't have a direct link with the eating disorder but actually have a link because it's about creating a new like, new habits, taking care of different aspect of our being... it's something helpful to me
Thanks Mia for being so awesome, you understand and express it so well. The problem is, it is unrealistic for people to recover in a fully supportive, trigger-free world. One of the hardest parts of recovery for me, and yet the most powerful tool, was developing a thick skinned immunity to all outside comments and influences. I turned the anger at myself outwards, and hardened up towards people well-meaning and otherwise, took no nonsense from anyone, and recovered by myself and for myself. I did not feel bad about being so uncompromising because I recognised the huge role played by other people's opinions in creating my disorder in the first place. But it worked pretty well. And yet, even now I can be temporarily thrown into a spin by an 'innocuous' comment if I am vulnerable.....we kick on as best we can.
I hope Eugenia gets the help she needs and God bless her 🙏
This is such a helpful video, one of my best friends is currently in the beginning of recovery and while I know not to say things, like "you've gained weight." It wouldn't have crossed my mind not to comment on the fact that their simply looking healthier, but it's helpful to know that just because it might not be a direct comment on her weight she might not precieve it the way other's would do to her disorder.
Thank you so much for speaking about this Mia. ❤
Trank you for your Video. It is very helpful for people like me, very concerned with the illness and really interested in supporting or at least accompany someone with an eating disorder. We know we have been making mistakes the hole time, because we really don’t understand the illness and don’t know what we could do or what is going to be helpful or not, and we really want to help. Now I know that a recovery doesn’t depend on me at all, I can just try to be there when she needs me, but at least I would like to know how not to be harmful
THANK YOU 4 EVERYTHING you said! I completely agree w/ everything you said. I love how knowledgeable & professional you are. God Bless you & thank you for inspiring me to keep trying to find recovery again.
That is a great point about the ED being active. That comment is very dangerous, I have non purging anorexia(exercise) and at mys worst I was training 3 hours daily on a starvation diet . I was told I looked healthier the more I purged and that I was putting on weight. I was actually losing weight 2 pounds weekly. I started to feel guilty buying food and cried thinking I was selfish for buying food my body didn't need. I felt like I was dying, I was extremely weak and could barely move when I warmed down. That alone may have killed me. Another time I'd lost some size while preparing for a competition and it was said that I looked bigger. I spent an hour measuring myself. I have some extra weight to lose and was convinced that eating would make it impossible. I was starving. I didn't believe I needed food to live. I weighed less than I thought when I met the professional and he explained my low intake was risky and he proved I would not gain weight on a maintenance number of calories. Its a month since. He's correct. I need to increase calories to avoid an anorexia relapse long term. Thats the harm it did. The comment could also be a lie to knock confidence. The comment is never appropriate. I could not do any more exercise or eat any less.I went to a professional to get help for the eating phobia I can eat more calories without weight gain though my anorexia still tells me a lot of lies. I left the club that kept triggering the anorexia. It was a club I enjoyed and I no longer go as they wouldn't stop. I'm terrified to even look in the door. All because people wouldn't leave me alone. I had explained I had anorexia and it was known I had a phobia of eating. My body could have shut down in my sleep telling an anorexic they put on weight is a loaded gun. Just don't say anything.
Very well said. Great job! Ur absolutely right ppl need be more educated w this topic and ppl just need to stop w the hate
THANK YOU it has been bothering me sooooo much whatever that girl is going through she is so strong and so lovely and she is constantly battered around, whatever is happening with her i just hope she can finda better place than the toxic wasteland that she has been so horrifically subjected to whatever is going on i'm Team Cooney all the way.
i somethimes wonder if people who make such comments are watching these videos. i sure hope they do..., i wish all the people out there would just have to watch one, understand it and try their best. it’s horrible when people assume that the eating disorder is gone, because you’re body is better and you improved so much..., but it’s often still hard. i struggle to make them understand me and my eating disorder is then telling me.., maybe you should go back, then they would understand.
it’s so much more dangerous then it seems. thank you for the video.
Thaaaank u for this video. I really hope more ppl see this. She needs to just be told shes loved and were glad to be a part of her life nmw💜💜💜
who's here from Shane's video??
thank you for this great video! I am really worried about her reading all those weight centered comments.. I hope she still gets over this mental bump. But honestly, I think Eugenia is a very strong woman and even very strong mentally. What she went through online is something, that would have crushed many others.
As a person who has gone through / is still going through (i dont like to admit it) anorexia/bulimia - i usually roll my eyes at people who claim they are advocates for eating disorders and talk about their stories online, But your channel and this video really spoke to me and helped me today. Just want to say thank you.
"restoring the weight (btw i enjoy that phrasing) is only the first domino of recovery before many more dominoes"
Thank you for this; i keep thinking i should be recovered because my weight is more or less 'restored' but my mind, MY MIND :( is still MAYBE only half way there. :(
Loved this video Mia.. ❤💜
Nobody made the decision for Eugenia to recover besides EUGENIA. People online can be so pretentious and egotistical
This is such an important message. Thank you, Mia!
Wow, a truly important video to watch -- thank you for making it
I'm so glad she is getting help and I hope many people continue to be supportive of her and she can ignore those who are upset or angry
so important. thank you
Someone needed to make this video. Thank you!