Some men do look for women who are financially stable, because they want a provider in a woman. These men are not typically provider type men, but on the surface all men look alike. So, I wanted to make this point available to the sisters out there. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across this. It was such a turn off for me, but I composed myself and got out. Ask questions to determine a man’s mindset while getting to know a man for marriage.
Not necessarily wanting a provider in a woman. They just want a woman who will not drag them down financially, alot of woman have student loan debt, bad money management, shopaholic etc
This! A man who is not a provider typically comes up with all sorts of reasons, both real and imagined, as to why he cannot provide I find most times than not it's not a question of their ability to provide per se but rather entitlement to woman's wealth disguised as "I need help", gender equality or 50/50 mindset e.g. "we live abroad, it's different" or "with today's cost or living I can't afford it" or "all my friend's wives work and split the bills, why should we be any different?" or "I'm not a rich man, if I won the lottery..." A man that can't pay his own bills and needs "help" is not ready to marry, let alone start a family and should stay single indefinitely and work on improving his finances before he does A good question to ask is How do you see a man's financial role in a marriage? Or if both of you work full-time who pays the bills and how much? Are you expecting your wife to continue working once you have children? At the end of the day you cannot change a man's mind, all you can do is choose wisely
@SandraStachowiczLtd Most men can pay their own bills lol. It is the woman who demands an expensive lifestyle who is not content with what the man provides for her. Most want what to live extravagantly go on vacations, buy expensive stuff lol when you marry your age mate, you expect to live large? That is very unrealistic. If a women wants an expensive lifestyle she is best to marry a grandpa not her agemate
Thats cause they have so many false self-perceptions. This is one of many. The argument is "I don't care about your career and money, but I will use it, but I am not materialistic, you are." 😂😂😂 Talk about passive aggressive. They do that to not put themselves at a disadvantage against other men since their ego wouldn't be able to handle it. So he'll lie to you then when you get with him, lo and behold! You're his very own submissive provider...would you look at that?!?! 😂😂😂😂 Whats worse is none of his homeboys know. Hence why I'm skeptical about relationship advice from men in general, unless the man is impartial, because men lie to each other and don't know each other at all. They can know each other 10+ years and not know anything about each other’s personal lives.
@@sholay706 they are talking about men who want providers out of women, demand 50/50. Not talking about men who are providers and want women to pay for their own luxuries. These are two different things.
My husband wanted me to stay at home and take care of the kids. He loves when I cook for him. He loves that I brush his hair with my fingers, he likes massages. He likes when I'm natural, no make-up. He likes when I smile at him. He likes when I'm available intimately. It's a must, I never deny him unless I'm on period. We pray at least one prayer of the five together with our baby girl. When he smiles at me, I go red😊, he still makes me feel shy which attracts him more. He's so sweet to me and always puts me and his daughters first. I always compliment my husband, men need validation and appreciation. My husband is my best friend and he's my teacher. He makes me a better person, better mom. He's a devoted husband and I owe him to be a devoted wife.
This what men's are seeking for. very simple. We are ready to take the moon down for such wives. Cause they give us a sense of peace, happiness and joy. Alhamdulilah I am pleased with my wife very much. I am ready to give her the entire world if she asked for it. She is not the most educated or the most rich in wealth. But she is righteous and she listens to her husband with respect and love.
You can deny him intimately if you are emotionally and mentally not feeling well. Physical intimacy should be genuinely enjoyed by both partners. Be honest because otherwise you will burn out. Also, make sure you have a safety net of money and a backup plan if things go bad. I've heard many cases where the husband appears to be religiously devout etc but they are doing wrongs on the down low. It's not a masculine trait for a woman to have a back up plan to protect herself and her children.
@@Ri57490 of course, when you're not well enough, it's acceptable. But some females deny just because and that's not acceptable. I want to have a happy marriage and will do what I can to make it work. My husband makes his efforts too, it's shouldn't be single sided. We come from very family oriented backgrounds and worse case scenario, we have our families but we never went into a marriage thinking it could fail. His parents and mine have 30+ years of marriage and we aspire to have the same. We actually went through so much to be together.
@@Ri57490 be careful who are you to give such a advice, when Allah made it haram for her. What if the man is between either I relive myself trough zina or masturbation or trough my wife and she says no just because she is not feeling well. I don't see men's saying you don't have to go to work, if you don't feel like it. As for preparing your future, your future is with your husband and children point. Anyway even if divorce happens he would have to pay child support anyway.
I feel so hopeless. Idk how I can ever find the right man. This is truly beyond my control. I hope Allah gives me a really good man. Allah is the one who provides so I place my trust in Him. I hope marriage isn’t a test for me. I just want to live in peace with him.
May Be ALLAH SWT gives you a good man but you dont like him. You should ask for more ,not Just for a good man ,but for a good Muslim man that you like and likes you back.
So glad you mentioned the sensitives of men too, I myself used to be less careful with words with men in my family the way I'd be naturally more gentle with women, but oh my, men need gentleness from us just as much if not more!
What do you want? Men have lust and want to marry multiple woman and woman will get blind immediately they get married. Especially wives of men who have multiple wives find other men more attractive because one man cannot satisfy all women. Women have lust as well and Muslim women find other men sexy even if they are your wive
Maa sha Allah! Sister nafisa.amazing video.This kind of knowledge is gonna help a lot of girls and woman out there.May Allah [swt] reward you for your effort❤
Great video! Sometimes my husband tells me I am looking beautiful and cooking his favorite foods. But I so think the same thing about him sometimes and I just tell him that I appreciate how hard he works. My friends and I are always telling him how great he looks. We all go to the gym.
Great video sis.. especially for those of us who grew up without many good male role models to learn from. We need this education from sisters like you
Good points. However I slightly disagree on the part of rejection. I think in many instances it is the men that feel the brunt of rejection. EX: the way a man is wired psychologically (and is reinforced by society) is the need to bring value and that he needs to bring value (whether that is financially, other sort of masculine skills, etc) and that he needs to develop/increase his value. Basically to be useful and needed. Yes women need to do that to a degree but mostly the pressure is on men. Society teaches men that if they don't bring something they deem valuable, they are disposable. And women also look for in men certain developed skills and high value. So when a woman rejects a man, while it may not necessarily be the case, men often internalize (not necessarily verbalize) it as they are not valuable and that's a huge blow to his ego. Now many men use it as fuel to get better but yes even men deal with self-esteem issues. Especially as well when society also reinforces that notion that a man who can get multiple women is one of high value and the man that can't get any women is basically a weird, creepy, loser incel and that there is something wrong with him in the head. I think secondly as well men usually have less of a support system than women do and are sort of expected to pick up the pieces by themselves. Another interesting fact is, while not exactly rejection, men are far more likely to commit suicide after the death of their spouse than the other way around. I think it shows more than anything that men do need support from their wives (even emotionally, physically, etc) because they tend not to get it anywhere else. In a world where men are almost taught to be machines that are supposed to be useful/needed and in the process blunt their own emotions. I think even women reinforce this sometimes (perhaps subconciously) that he needs to be strong all the time and that it is all about her emotional needs and the man needing to cater to that at the expense of his own. Otherwise she loses attraction and the man loses her love. I know it's a bit of rambling but the point is, just because society demands men put aside their emotions, doesn't mean men are robots incapable of feeling and emotions and that they aren't receptive to emotional support. I think it's just an uncomfortable thing for men to confront and admit because it's maladaptive in society (although beneficial for their life span) and not seen as manly for a man to dump his emotions onto a woman, rather, he is supposed to protect the woman, even from the stress that airing out his own problems might create in her. Despite what women think, statistics kinda prove that men do need support in every which way. I think women in general would do well to understand this.
Well said, just learn the seerah sisters they are far more beneficial in term of understand marriage. Look at the support that Khadija gave our prophet in those difficult times. Really sister learn the seerah.
You gave a one sided biased view on Men's needs when it's basically just your skill issue or you need therapy. Why you think that Women really don't care about Men's Emotions when usually it's your own brothers and fathers , male mentors and friends who treat you like shit. Look at all those Romance Novels targeted towards women, the most famous Romance trope is " I can fix him" where you see a lonely, broke, deranged man who find support from a Woman. You really don't know but most Women fall in love with Emotionally neglected men just so they can have a purpose in life. These women have self esteem issues and they just sacrifice their mental well-being to " fix " these guys.
I'm a Woman with Mental Illnesses and I have no Social circle, no friends and no shoulder to lean on but I ain't complaining here. Usually when a Woman says that they want a strong man , they want an Emotionally Intelligent man who can navigate his feelings. If we keep looking at eachother through statistics and biased views we'll never be able to understand eachother.
That 's at least something you can achieve.,with The Help OF ALLĀH. a demand on women is that which she cannot achieve :being young and beautiful always ,in this life. So women look for something which is realistic for you ,by The Will OF ALLĀH
Indeed, this particular lecture opened not only my eyes, but my mind. As a woman, I realized, especially that part where you talked about "Service is Love." Now, I understand why we easily take offense when they do not respond to our rants through written communication, and they prefer remaining quiet when it's confrontational. After all, what they need more than words are actions. Acts of love. Thank you, Sis Nafisa, for the lectures. May you be rewarded with the help you give your sisters around the globe. Much love, your Sis Aya from the Philippines ❤
Thank you Nafisa for sharing this useful information. Men are sensitive too even though they don’t express as much as women do. But they have insecurities too just like us. No one is perfect and we should learn to accept one another as we are.
Thanks sister. Obedient woman, religious, pleased and content of what they have, cleanse herself and doing a lot of permissible things like fasting and praying at night builds much love, mercy and attention towards her by her husband. Very important is patience and listening even if he's not one. A woman who has at least one these character is rewarded by Allah.
point number 2 you mentioned is men are attracted to women after marriage too but women also find other men attractive after marriage too. the difference is that women being attracted is considered a taboo or immorality by ppl whereas men getting attracted is considered natural. This is unfair! every human has feelings. we just need to control it .
The most attractive woman is a happy woman with a smile who is seeking to please. It shows that she is happy inside and has not been damaged by trauma. Also shows she will be easier to please and therefore easier to get along with. The opposite is an angry difficult woman.
Thank you for your useful advice, sister. All of the videos that I have watched from you are food for thought. May Allah reward your efforts (Ameen). As neither gender can fully understand each other, it is important to understand the basic things that affect each other's emotions and sentiments. As I have regained the motivation to get married after healing from divorce 3 yrs ago, I have been doing research by listening to others' advice and insights that concerns how men think, to help realize red flags, and notice good signs, as well as self-help advice on TH-cam. Emotional intelligence is very important. I'm so glad that I have recently encountered your videos with very helpful advice that I can put into practice, such as giving good service and being much more nurturing as a future wife inshaa Allah. I'm also aware of the fact that many men value women with ambition. But, I'm also taking note (in my head) that a woman's career and education credentials are not as important to a lot men as many of us women believed.
I love your videos and wish I could have heard this before marriage. Can you do a video on how to cope with husbands that weren't taught how to be a husband? (Full disclosure, some of us got married not knowing these gems and have been married to boys for the last 3/4 years but don't have legal grounds for divorce)
Typical female behaviour. Always blame the man but your kind never take responsibility for our own foolish behaviour and poor decisions. Bottom line is that you were the one who chose to marry him. You chose poorly. That is your fault. Also take a long hard look at yourself. I'm sure you have dozens of red flags.
Sister, I am afraid you are out of date regarding the volume of the so called modern men (Modern Muslim men also) who want their partners to work for the money. They frown upon the idea of just being a housewife. Women already take the submissive role, but inspite of that, there are men who look down upon compromise or collaboration as they see it as a sign of weakness.
I think it depends on the circumstances. My father wanted my mother to stay at home with us and we reached a certain age she started working. She helped so much economically, my parents were able to save more, bought three houses, a number of vehicles to spare and still have money for their retirement. Money will be available to them even when they retire because of rent and savings. This gave them security. My father was a proud man, ego was big at first but he changed his way of thought. They work together to get by and have progressed so much. They are together and strong still after nearly 35 years of marriage. Mind you my parents never even received a proper education. If they can do it, anyone can. It takes will and sacrifice.
@@anared1990 : That may have worked out in your individual specific case, but the problem is that, that very concept, that, ' if the wife works we will be better off' syndrome is exactly what causes men to go in hot pursuit of a career minded woman or push for a working wife and before long it has become the standard expectation; and any option for the wife not to work gets seen as a 'burden or problem' to marry.
There are many men not looking for a career woman, just depends where you are and where you are looking. On the flip side, religious men find it difficult to find a woman willing to be a stay at home mother, and want the man to be rich, fund her lifestyle/luxury, her career, education, etc. So men with a little less money get passed up despite everything else being there.
Actually, there are deep levels of understanding some men can have. There are men who are not attracted to other women other than there wife. That's what you don't understand. Deep work with their relationship with Allah Swt and understanding of what women are and the purpose of life actually overcomes biological instincts for some men. There is a rationalizion that takes place for these men. Finding this person attracted is not going to get me anywhere so it does not matter which beautiful women comes their way the mind actually does not go there and stops going there but it takes a lot of work. Some people can learn this where it becomes instinctual as well due to the imprinting of this in their childhood.
Assalamou Aleykoum everyone, I need your guidance. I am currently in the engagement phase and our parents are figuring out everything. But two days ago, my fiancé confessed to me that during the time of his travel to go talk to his dad about me in a foreign country. He started talking to a girl and even catch up when he came back. I don’t know all the details but I know something happened. I am heartbroken right now by his betrayal. He has been crying since and can’t even look at himself but I don’t feel capable of going beyond this mistake since it’s not the first time and he has already done 2 years ago several times. I know he is not a bad person, and have lot of qualities. Everybody is telling me to think first before taking a décision but I’m do hurt. What would you do ?
It’s very simple. You decide what you want your life story, ten years from now looking back, to be. Allah gave you free will. I am assuming you did istikhara and or Allah loves you so he showed you the truth one last time. I believe there is no right or wrong answer, it depends on what you need. Plenty of women are fine with the other benefits of having a cheating husband such as support stability and company. Consider if you are one of those women. If you are consider the risks of infidelity like transmitted disease or the potential of his deciding to marry a second wife one day or have a second family. He will not change for you. The wrong thing to do in life, is make a decision that depends on another human to change for you. You will never get what you need this way. Try to get to know yourself and make a decision you can stick with. Do you need to be with a loyal man? If that’s what you need, don’t commit violence against yourself by forcing yourself to marry an unloyal man due to attachment and bad decision making in the past. Attachment to a man who hurts you itself is often stemming from trauma and is something you can work on in the future.
I'm sorry sister, but if the roles were reversed...he wouldn't be thinking twice. He would show absolutely no mercy. Ask him if he would forgive you if you did the same thing. I swear us sisters are way too kind and love to see the "good" in others even when they've shown us the exact opposite. All I'm gonna say to you is if you decide to move forward, if he does this to you again when you've already had his children, don't say you didn't see it coming and cry victim. I always tell sisters put your ego aside if you knew something about him prior to marrying him because that is totally different than not having known at all. Some people will literally cry while stabbing you in the back. It is what it is. I wish you well regardless.
If he is already treating u like this and your in the engagement stage. I wouldn't stay, we as Muslimahs should marry men who have good deen and thats not good deen
pray istikhara, make du’a and realize your worth. if it happened once it can happen again, don’t let him manipulate you into getting back, i’ve done it before and it ended in a terrible divorce. there are good men out there, just keep making du’a.
do you think that if men don’t prioritise their wife’s education/career/entrepreneurship that they won’t push their daughters as much if they have one? the only reason why i would see an ambitious/career orientated man as valuable is that if i ever have a son that they inherit those values/work ethic the same way
ask yourself why would a practicing Muslim man would prioritize their wife's education/career in a marriage? In my opinion a man should never prioritize that in a woman, ever. I find that most women who want to do that, do so out of the fear that the man will leave her. What benefit does this bring in the context of a family unit? In terms of raising a family? She is pursuing something that benefits herself while taking time away from the family. As she is not obligated to spend on the family. Entrepreneurship is a bit different as that can be done at home and in your free time. Why not pursue something Islamic? The pursuing of your career and your degrees are worthless on the day of judgment, esp at the expense of things that take you into heaven. A career-minded man who cares about his religion and wants a family isn't looking for a career-minded woman. It's difficult to have your cake and eat it too. To answer your question, I don't think that is the case. The man can push his daughter in other ways. For example in matters of religion, developing skills on how to be a good wife, she can also get a secular education and learn some technical skills as long as it doesn't take away from her natural fitra. Being career orientated isnt the only way.
@@soob9178You seem incredibly judgmental of women who want to educate themselves - Islam doesn't discourage this, so why do you? We still need female doctors, teachers, nurses etc. And we all will be questioned on Qiyama (men and women) about what we did with our life and time. If you spent your life helping sick people/saving lives or teaching..are you telling me women would not be rewarded for that as well? Yes, you can enter Jannah and be rewarded immensely if you are a great wife and mother. But why not try to aquire more deeds? A practicing man if he sees there's khair and it benefits the ummah and community, without it effecting his household would support that. A man who doesn't know how to support or tawakkul, perhaps not. I say this as a woman who doesn't want to work when married and I'm not particularly educated or career orientated. But dismissing educating of women or girls who want to is very disappointing to read. Just my opinion on what I read from your comments. You just think women are there to look after children like cattle. But some women want to do both and there's nothing haram or wrong in that. If some men don't want that, that's wonderful I'm sure they will marry their naseebs. Also yes, you're right that it may not be attractive to some men that she is educated or works. But to assume that most women seek education is because a 'just in case' is hilarious to me. Allah yadina.
I turned down a girl that approached me that is 5 years younger and made it to fortune 300 under 300. Private jets. G-class car. While i am a medical grad who is broke at the moment and just about to start. Huge number of men don’t care about that. I am looking for a beautiful feminine woman. Not an executive or a boss
Not sure what Nafisa would advise, but you can say: you have intentions on fully focusing on being a great wife when you get married. And that involves you focusing on your household as opposed to working - as juggling both can lead to burnt-out or neglecting one. Marriage will be your priority; not working. You will never scare a real man off with wanting that sis. And also, say what you want in your marriage, if they get scared off...let them run.😊
I turned down a girl that approached me that is 5 years younger and made it to fortune 300 under 300. Private jets. G-class car. While i am a medical grad who is broke at the moment and just about to start. Huge number of men don’t care about that. I am looking for a beautiful feminine woman. Not an executive or a boss
We don't care, definitely not about your financial stability. What we do care is knowledge about deen, some feminine skills, some motherly skills. I know lot of women's from my family who can't find a husband, cause of this career thing.
I will admit, us men don't like rejection. But why would anyone like rejection? Where's the benefit of pursuing someone who seems likely to reject him? Still, she secretly wants him to pursue her after she rejected him, so she shames him for feeling dejected. That's silly. In reality, it is the man doing her a favor by offering her a chance to be apart of his legacy. If a muslimah doesn't marry when she's young, it becomes exponentially harder for her to marry when she's old and college educated. Not every woman in a veil and hijab is traditional. Islam also serves as a barrier to protect muslim women from harmful indoctrination but yet some of you are working hard to teardown those protective barriers. Alot of muslimah will become unmarriable this way that's why i urge muslim men to marry only young women who can be molded. The best way a woman can serve the world is to serve her husband to the best of her ability.
Sister's. As a brother, i will twll you what you need to do and what men need to do. Men need to marry from our backhome countries. Men are too rigid for the women in the UK, our criteria and understanding does not meet eye to eye to any western lady. Deen and having a deen family, spending time with family, beibg able to go on holidays as is shown on social media so much is a privilege only few men can afford. Women cant settle with such a low value life and men dont ever see it as a priority either. Women are too complicated, unaware yet ambitious to marry. They don't understand the vision of a man for his lineage, their foresight is restricted. They want religion and a badman, they want freedom and security, money and humility. These rarities to find almost one cant be attained except through the other. They cant cook, be wifely, be feminine, follow lead, know deen or pray salah. I think the women can get married to unpracticing people and that way women and men are happy. Practicing men, need to marry back home until the women make their jndividual decision to marry us.
Some men do look for women who are financially stable, because they want a provider in a woman. These men are not typically provider type men, but on the surface all men look alike. So, I wanted to make this point available to the sisters out there. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across this. It was such a turn off for me, but I composed myself and got out. Ask questions to determine a man’s mindset while getting to know a man for marriage.
Not necessarily wanting a provider in a woman. They just want a woman who will not drag them down financially, alot of woman have student loan debt, bad money management, shopaholic etc
This! A man who is not a provider typically comes up with all sorts of reasons, both real and imagined, as to why he cannot provide I find most times than not it's not a question of their ability to provide per se but rather entitlement to woman's wealth disguised as "I need help", gender equality or 50/50 mindset e.g. "we live abroad, it's different" or "with today's cost or living I can't afford it" or "all my friend's wives work and split the bills, why should we be any different?" or "I'm not a rich man, if I won the lottery..." A man that can't pay his own bills and needs "help" is not ready to marry, let alone start a family and should stay single indefinitely and work on improving his finances before he does A good question to ask is How do you see a man's financial role in a marriage? Or if both of you work full-time who pays the bills and how much? Are you expecting your wife to continue working once you have children? At the end of the day you cannot change a man's mind, all you can do is choose wisely
@SandraStachowiczLtd Most men can pay their own bills lol. It is the woman who demands an expensive lifestyle who is not content with what the man provides for her. Most want what to live extravagantly go on vacations, buy expensive stuff lol when you marry your age mate, you expect to live large? That is very unrealistic. If a women wants an expensive lifestyle she is best to marry a grandpa not her agemate
Thats cause they have so many false self-perceptions. This is one of many. The argument is "I don't care about your career and money, but I will use it, but I am not materialistic, you are." 😂😂😂 Talk about passive aggressive. They do that to not put themselves at a disadvantage against other men since their ego wouldn't be able to handle it. So he'll lie to you then when you get with him, lo and behold! You're his very own submissive provider...would you look at that?!?! 😂😂😂😂
Whats worse is none of his homeboys know. Hence why I'm skeptical about relationship advice from men in general, unless the man is impartial, because men lie to each other and don't know each other at all. They can know each other 10+ years and not know anything about each other’s personal lives.
@@sholay706 they are talking about men who want providers out of women, demand 50/50. Not talking about men who are providers and want women to pay for their own luxuries. These are two different things.
My husband wanted me to stay at home and take care of the kids. He loves when I cook for him. He loves that I brush his hair with my fingers, he likes massages. He likes when I'm natural, no make-up. He likes when I smile at him. He likes when I'm available intimately. It's a must, I never deny him unless I'm on period. We pray at least one prayer of the five together with our baby girl. When he smiles at me, I go red😊, he still makes me feel shy which attracts him more. He's so sweet to me and always puts me and his daughters first. I always compliment my husband, men need validation and appreciation. My husband is my best friend and he's my teacher. He makes me a better person, better mom. He's a devoted husband and I owe him to be a devoted wife.
This what men's are seeking for. very simple. We are ready to take the moon down for such wives. Cause they give us a sense of peace, happiness and joy.
Alhamdulilah I am pleased with my wife very much.
I am ready to give her the entire world if she asked for it.
She is not the most educated or the most rich in wealth.
But she is righteous and she listens to her husband with respect and love.
Sounds like a wonderful marriage. Very wise woman! ❤
You can deny him intimately if you are emotionally and mentally not feeling well. Physical intimacy should be genuinely enjoyed by both partners. Be honest because otherwise you will burn out. Also, make sure you have a safety net of money and a backup plan if things go bad. I've heard many cases where the husband appears to be religiously devout etc but they are doing wrongs on the down low.
It's not a masculine trait for a woman to have a back up plan to protect herself and her children.
@@Ri57490 of course, when you're not well enough, it's acceptable. But some females deny just because and that's not acceptable. I want to have a happy marriage and will do what I can to make it work. My husband makes his efforts too, it's shouldn't be single sided. We come from very family oriented backgrounds and worse case scenario, we have our families but we never went into a marriage thinking it could fail. His parents and mine have 30+ years of marriage and we aspire to have the same. We actually went through so much to be together.
@@Ri57490 be careful who are you to give such a advice, when Allah made it haram for her. What if the man is between either I relive myself trough zina or masturbation or trough my wife and she says no just because she is not feeling well.
I don't see men's saying you don't have to go to work, if you don't feel like it.
As for preparing your future, your future is with your husband and children point.
Anyway even if divorce happens he would have to pay child support anyway.
I feel so hopeless. Idk how I can ever find the right man. This is truly beyond my control. I hope Allah gives me a really good man. Allah is the one who provides so I place my trust in Him. I hope marriage isn’t a test for me. I just want to live in peace with him.
May Be ALLAH SWT gives you a good man but you dont like him. You should ask for more ,not Just for a good man ,but for a good Muslim man that you like and likes you back.
@@z.a.1237 you are so right, I will add more qualities. May Allah bless you and give you better than me. Ameen.
@@samia6888 ameen. May ALLAH SWT bless you too with the best man for you. Ameen.
May Allah grant a husband who will be good to you and good for you and one who will be the coolness of your eyes.
Ameen
@@z.a.1237 beautiful Dua
Girls pray for me as well and may Allah swt ease all of our affairs Ameen
So glad you mentioned the sensitives of men too, I myself used to be less careful with words with men in my family the way I'd be naturally more gentle with women, but oh my, men need gentleness from us just as much if not more!
Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more.
How to be soft in nature when u r coming from hard upbringing and ur voice is too loud and ur mannerism / behavior r harsh too
We, women, after marriage also find other men attractive! We are not blind
It is called hypergamy and monkey branching, which is extremely common even with muslimah women. Gross hypocrisy.
@@beachboy_boobybuilderincel alert. If you hate women just say it
If you are fulfilled, valued and loved by your husband, no you don't see other men attractive, you do not look at men at all!
What do you want? Men have lust and want to marry multiple woman and woman will get blind immediately they get married. Especially wives of men who have multiple wives find other men more attractive because one man cannot satisfy all women. Women have lust as well and Muslim women find other men sexy even if they are your wive
Maa sha Allah! Sister nafisa.amazing video.This kind of knowledge is gonna help a lot of girls and woman out there.May Allah [swt] reward you for your effort❤
Thank you for sharing nafisa
SubhanaAllah!!!!! This was so beneficial thanks for sharing this Ma shaa Allah TabarakAllah ❤️🤲🏾🤲🏾🫶🏾🌹
another GREAT video!
Very informative
Valuable video, sister. I am sharing. Great work 👏 👍 ❤
many thanks for the information
Thanks so much sis 💟❤❤
Great video! Sometimes my husband tells me I am looking beautiful and cooking his favorite foods. But I so think the same thing about him sometimes and I just tell him that I appreciate how hard he works. My friends and I are always telling him how great he looks. We all go to the gym.
Oh Nafisa.. thank you for creating this channel 👍🏼💕
My pleasure
Masha Allah, May Allah reward you for sharing the Mental Education 🤲🏽🤲🏽🤲🏽
Great video sis.. especially for those of us who grew up without many good male role models to learn from. We need this education from sisters like you
Good points. However I slightly disagree on the part of rejection.
I think in many instances it is the men that feel the brunt of rejection. EX: the way a man is wired psychologically (and is reinforced by society) is the need to bring value and that he needs to bring value (whether that is financially, other sort of masculine skills, etc) and that he needs to develop/increase his value. Basically to be useful and needed. Yes women need to do that to a degree but mostly the pressure is on men. Society teaches men that if they don't bring something they deem valuable, they are disposable. And women also look for in men certain developed skills and high value. So when a woman rejects a man, while it may not necessarily be the case, men often internalize (not necessarily verbalize) it as they are not valuable and that's a huge blow to his ego. Now many men use it as fuel to get better but yes even men deal with self-esteem issues. Especially as well when society also reinforces that notion that a man who can get multiple women is one of high value and the man that can't get any women is basically a weird, creepy, loser incel and that there is something wrong with him in the head.
I think secondly as well men usually have less of a support system than women do and are sort of expected to pick up the pieces by themselves. Another interesting fact is, while not exactly rejection, men are far more likely to commit suicide after the death of their spouse than the other way around. I think it shows more than anything that men do need support from their wives (even emotionally, physically, etc) because they tend not to get it anywhere else. In a world where men are almost taught to be machines that are supposed to be useful/needed and in the process blunt their own emotions.
I think even women reinforce this sometimes (perhaps subconciously) that he needs to be strong all the time and that it is all about her emotional needs and the man needing to cater to that at the expense of his own. Otherwise she loses attraction and the man loses her love.
I know it's a bit of rambling but the point is, just because society demands men put aside their emotions, doesn't mean men are robots incapable of feeling and emotions and that they aren't receptive to emotional support. I think it's just an uncomfortable thing for men to confront and admit because it's maladaptive in society (although beneficial for their life span) and not seen as manly for a man to dump his emotions onto a woman, rather, he is supposed to protect the woman, even from the stress that airing out his own problems might create in her.
Despite what women think, statistics kinda prove that men do need support in every which way. I think women in general would do well to understand this.
Well said, just learn the seerah sisters they are far more beneficial in term of understand marriage. Look at the support that Khadija gave our prophet in those difficult times. Really sister learn the seerah.
You gave a one sided biased view on Men's needs when it's basically just your skill issue or you need therapy.
Why you think that Women really don't care about Men's Emotions when usually it's your own brothers and fathers , male mentors and friends who treat you like shit.
Look at all those Romance Novels targeted towards women, the most famous Romance trope is " I can fix him" where you see a lonely, broke, deranged man who find support from a Woman.
You really don't know but most
Women fall in love with Emotionally neglected men just so they can have a purpose in life. These women have self esteem issues and they just sacrifice their mental well-being to " fix " these guys.
I'm a Woman with Mental Illnesses and I have no Social circle, no friends and no shoulder to lean on but I ain't complaining here. Usually when a Woman says that they want a strong man , they want an Emotionally Intelligent man who can navigate his feelings.
If we keep looking at eachother through statistics and biased views we'll never be able to understand eachother.
That 's at least something you can achieve.,with The Help OF ALLĀH.
a demand on women is that which she cannot achieve :being young and beautiful always ,in this life.
So women look for something which is realistic for you ,by The Will OF ALLĀH
Indeed, this particular lecture opened not only my eyes, but my mind. As a woman, I realized, especially that part where you talked about "Service is Love." Now, I understand why we easily take offense when they do not respond to our rants through written communication, and they prefer remaining quiet when it's confrontational. After all, what they need more than words are actions. Acts of love. Thank you, Sis Nafisa, for the lectures. May you be rewarded with the help you give your sisters around the globe. Much love, your Sis Aya from the Philippines ❤
السلامُ علیکم
Dear Nafisa please increase sound in your videos
جزاک اللہ خیرا
jazkAllah khair sister great content ❤
Waiyakum
Nafisa sister, the volume in your latest uploads is very low. Just so you know.
I want to convert to islam
Please do. Where r u from, and also which religious background? What kind of help do you need?
I am from jamaica
@@renaldoblack8844hi, have you gotten in touch with anyone?
Thank you Nafisa for sharing this useful information. Men are sensitive too even though they don’t express as much as women do. But they have insecurities too just like us. No one is perfect and we should learn to accept one another as we are.
Thanks sister. Obedient woman, religious, pleased and content of what they have, cleanse herself and doing a lot of permissible things like fasting and praying at night builds much love, mercy and attention towards her by her husband. Very important is patience and listening even if he's not one. A woman who has at least one these character is rewarded by Allah.
point number 2 you mentioned is men are attracted to women after marriage too
but women also find other men attractive after marriage too.
the difference is that women being attracted is considered a taboo or immorality by ppl whereas men getting attracted is considered natural. This is unfair! every human has feelings. we just need to control it .
Subhanallah
You have a healthy glow Allaahumma barik
5:15 as long as he understand that women do this too 🌚
The most attractive woman is a happy woman with a smile who is seeking to please. It shows that she is happy inside and has not been damaged by trauma. Also shows she will be easier to please and therefore easier to get along with. The opposite is an angry difficult woman.
Hey Nafeesa, can you make a video about women approaching men first with the intention of marriage?
She has, search "How to approach a man you love with dignity"
❤
Thank you for your useful advice, sister. All of the videos that I have watched from you are food for thought. May Allah reward your efforts (Ameen). As neither gender can fully understand each other, it is important to understand the basic things that affect each
other's emotions and sentiments.
As I have regained the motivation to get married after healing from divorce 3 yrs ago, I have been doing research by listening to others' advice and insights that concerns how men think, to help realize red flags, and notice good signs, as well as self-help advice on TH-cam. Emotional intelligence is very important. I'm so glad that I have recently encountered your videos with very helpful advice that I can put into practice, such as giving good service and being much more nurturing as a future wife inshaa Allah. I'm also aware of the fact that many men value women with ambition. But, I'm also taking note (in my head) that a woman's career and education credentials are not as important to a lot men as many of us women believed.
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❤️❤️❤️
Selam aleykum nafisaaa. Can you pls make a video about what to ask a guy before marriage? 😊
This thing of what man wants or not is a scam. At the end of the day it's about mutual understanding.
Asc sis, if you can change your youtube ADVERT on this video please do so, because its bible study online.
thank you.
your fan.
Sham.
Aslama aleykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu sister can i translate your video and translate
U said in the video that a man wants a feminine woman but what does femininity look like ?
I love your videos and wish I could have heard this before marriage. Can you do a video on how to cope with husbands that weren't taught how to be a husband? (Full disclosure, some of us got married not knowing these gems and have been married to boys for the last 3/4 years but don't have legal grounds for divorce)
Typical female behaviour. Always blame the man but your kind never take responsibility for our own foolish behaviour and poor decisions.
Bottom line is that you were the one who chose to marry him. You chose poorly. That is your fault.
Also take a long hard look at yourself. I'm sure you have dozens of red flags.
Sister, I am afraid you are out of date regarding the volume of the so called modern men (Modern Muslim men also) who want their partners to work for the money. They frown upon the idea of just being a housewife. Women already take the submissive role, but inspite of that, there are men who look down upon compromise or collaboration as they see it as a sign of weakness.
I think it depends on the circumstances. My father wanted my mother to stay at home with us and we reached a certain age she started working. She helped so much economically, my parents were able to save more, bought three houses, a number of vehicles to spare and still have money for their retirement. Money will be available to them even when they retire because of rent and savings. This gave them security. My father was a proud man, ego was big at first but he changed his way of thought. They work together to get by and have progressed so much. They are together and strong still after nearly 35 years of marriage. Mind you my parents never even received a proper education. If they can do it, anyone can. It takes will and sacrifice.
@@anared1990 : That may have worked out in your individual specific case, but the problem is that, that very concept, that, ' if the wife works we will be better off' syndrome is exactly what causes men to go in hot pursuit of a career minded woman or push for a working wife and before long it has become the standard expectation; and any option for the wife not to work gets seen as a 'burden or problem' to marry.
There are many men not looking for a career woman, just depends where you are and where you are looking.
On the flip side, religious men find it difficult to find a woman willing to be a stay at home mother, and want the man to be rich, fund her lifestyle/luxury, her career, education, etc. So men with a little less money get passed up despite everything else being there.
Actually, there are deep levels of understanding some men can have. There are men who are not attracted to other women other than there wife. That's what you don't understand. Deep work with their relationship with Allah Swt and understanding of what women are and the purpose of life actually overcomes biological instincts for some men. There is a rationalizion that takes place for these men. Finding this person attracted is not going to get me anywhere so it does not matter which beautiful women comes their way the mind actually does not go there and stops going there but it takes a lot of work. Some people can learn this where it becomes instinctual as well due to the imprinting of this in their childhood.
Subhanala
SubhanALLĀH
We also will find other men attractive and handsome... And it doesn't mean that we will do something bad behind our husband's back..
Assalamou Aleykoum everyone, I need your guidance. I am currently in the engagement phase and our parents are figuring out everything. But two days ago, my fiancé confessed to me that during the time of his travel to go talk to his dad about me in a foreign country. He started talking to a girl and even catch up when he came back. I don’t know all the details but I know something happened. I am heartbroken right now by his betrayal. He has been crying since and can’t even look at himself but I don’t feel capable of going beyond this mistake since it’s not the first time and he has already done 2 years ago several times. I know he is not a bad person, and have lot of qualities. Everybody is telling me to think first before taking a décision but I’m do hurt. What would you do ?
It’s very simple. You decide what you want your life story, ten years from now looking back, to be. Allah gave you free will. I am assuming you did istikhara and or Allah loves you so he showed you the truth one last time. I believe there is no right or wrong answer, it depends on what you need. Plenty of women are fine with the other benefits of having a cheating husband such as support stability and company. Consider if you are one of those women. If you are consider the risks of infidelity like transmitted disease or the potential of his deciding to marry a second wife one day or have a second family.
He will not change for you. The wrong thing to do in life, is make a decision that depends on another human to change for you. You will never get what you need this way.
Try to get to know yourself and make a decision you can stick with. Do you need to be with a loyal man? If that’s what you need, don’t commit violence against yourself by forcing yourself to marry an unloyal man due to attachment and bad decision making in the past. Attachment to a man who hurts you itself is often stemming from trauma and is something you can work on in the future.
I'm sorry sister, but if the roles were reversed...he wouldn't be thinking twice. He would show absolutely no mercy. Ask him if he would forgive you if you did the same thing.
I swear us sisters are way too kind and love to see the "good" in others even when they've shown us the exact opposite.
All I'm gonna say to you is if you decide to move forward, if he does this to you again when you've already had his children, don't say you didn't see it coming and cry victim. I always tell sisters put your ego aside if you knew something about him prior to marrying him because that is totally different than not having known at all.
Some people will literally cry while stabbing you in the back. It is what it is. I wish you well regardless.
If he is already treating u like this and your in the engagement stage. I wouldn't stay, we as Muslimahs should marry men who have good deen and thats not good deen
pray istikhara, make du’a and realize your worth. if it happened once it can happen again, don’t let him manipulate you into getting back, i’ve done it before and it ended in a terrible divorce. there are good men out there, just keep making du’a.
@@-glitch-8195I love this response ❤
do you think that if men don’t prioritise their wife’s education/career/entrepreneurship that they won’t push their daughters as much if they have one? the only reason why i would see an ambitious/career orientated man as valuable is that if i ever have a son that they inherit those values/work ethic the same way
ask yourself why would a practicing Muslim man would prioritize their wife's education/career in a marriage? In my opinion a man should never prioritize that in a woman, ever. I find that most women who want to do that, do so out of the fear that the man will leave her.
What benefit does this bring in the context of a family unit? In terms of raising a family? She is pursuing something that benefits herself while taking time away from the family. As she is not obligated to spend on the family. Entrepreneurship is a bit different as that can be done at home and in your free time. Why not pursue something Islamic? The pursuing of your career and your degrees are worthless on the day of judgment, esp at the expense of things that take you into heaven.
A career-minded man who cares about his religion and wants a family isn't looking for a career-minded woman. It's difficult to have your cake and eat it too.
To answer your question, I don't think that is the case. The man can push his daughter in other ways. For example in matters of religion, developing skills on how to be a good wife, she can also get a secular education and learn some technical skills as long as it doesn't take away from her natural fitra. Being career orientated isnt the only way.
@@soob9178You seem incredibly judgmental of women who want to educate themselves - Islam doesn't discourage this, so why do you? We still need female doctors, teachers, nurses etc. And we all will be questioned on Qiyama (men and women) about what we did with our life and time. If you spent your life helping sick people/saving lives or teaching..are you telling me women would not be rewarded for that as well? Yes, you can enter Jannah and be rewarded immensely if you are a great wife and mother. But why not try to aquire more deeds?
A practicing man if he sees there's khair and it benefits the ummah and community, without it effecting his household would support that. A man who doesn't know how to support or tawakkul, perhaps not. I say this as a woman who doesn't want to work when married and I'm not particularly educated or career orientated. But dismissing educating of women or girls who want to is very disappointing to read.
Just my opinion on what I read from your comments. You just think women are there to look after children like cattle. But some women want to do both and there's nothing haram or wrong in that. If some men don't want that, that's wonderful I'm sure they will marry their naseebs.
Also yes, you're right that it may not be attractive to some men that she is educated or works. But to assume that most women seek education is because a 'just in case' is hilarious to me. Allah yadina.
@@soob9178My God. This is why they say that Islam is absolutely and indubitably incompatible with Western values.
I turned down a girl that approached me that is 5 years younger and made it to fortune 300 under 300. Private jets. G-class car.
While i am a medical grad who is broke at the moment and just about to start.
Huge number of men don’t care about that.
I am looking for a beautiful feminine woman. Not an executive or a boss
How can we say we want to stay at home wives without scaring men off during dating?
Not sure what Nafisa would advise, but you can say: you have intentions on fully focusing on being a great wife when you get married. And that involves you focusing on your household as opposed to working - as juggling both can lead to burnt-out or neglecting one. Marriage will be your priority; not working.
You will never scare a real man off with wanting that sis. And also, say what you want in your marriage, if they get scared off...let them run.😊
@@uok6216 Thank you.. You are right. Let them run...
A real man would love to provide.
@@ahmedalmahdi9254😂😂😂
I turned down a girl that approached me that is 5 years younger and made it to fortune 300 under 300. Private jets. G-class car.
While i am a medical grad who is broke at the moment and just about to start.
Huge number of men don’t care about that.
I am looking for a beautiful feminine woman. Not an executive or a boss
Hi thank you but how do I talk to you in private plz
Assalam Alaikum
Number 2… no I won’t accept this
its fine if men find other women attractive so long as they have good taste
We don't care, definitely not about your financial stability. What we do care is knowledge about deen, some feminine skills, some motherly skills. I know lot of women's from my family who can't find a husband, cause of this career thing.
I will admit, us men don't like rejection. But why would anyone like rejection? Where's the benefit of pursuing someone who seems likely to reject him? Still, she secretly wants him to pursue her after she rejected him, so she shames him for feeling dejected. That's silly. In reality, it is the man doing her a favor by offering her a chance to be apart of his legacy. If a muslimah doesn't marry when she's young, it becomes exponentially harder for her to marry when she's old and college educated. Not every woman in a veil and hijab is traditional.
Islam also serves as a barrier to protect muslim women from harmful indoctrination but yet some of you are working hard to teardown those protective barriers. Alot of muslimah will become unmarriable this way that's why i urge muslim men to marry only young women who can be molded. The best way a woman can serve the world is to serve her husband to the best of her ability.
Sister's. As a brother, i will twll you what you need to do and what men need to do.
Men need to marry from our backhome countries.
Men are too rigid for the women in the UK, our criteria and understanding does not meet eye to eye to any western lady. Deen and having a deen family, spending time with family, beibg able to go on holidays as is shown on social media so much is a privilege only few men can afford. Women cant settle with such a low value life and men dont ever see it as a priority either.
Women are too complicated, unaware yet ambitious to marry. They don't understand the vision of a man for his lineage, their foresight is restricted. They want religion and a badman, they want freedom and security, money and humility. These rarities to find almost one cant be attained except through the other. They cant cook, be wifely, be feminine, follow lead, know deen or pray salah.
I think the women can get married to unpracticing people and that way women and men are happy. Practicing men, need to marry back home until the women make their jndividual decision to marry us.
Thank you for pointing out that Islam is absolutely incompatible with Western values and *does not* belong in the West!
We marry for deen.