How to move past a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP | Moving on & BREAKING FREE from a toxic person
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- How to move past a TOXIC RELATIONSHIP | Moving on & BREAKING FREE from a toxic person
Why do I love a toxic person? Why do I want to be with someone so toxic? How do you stop loving a toxic person? For those of us who have felt stuck in a toxic relationship before, these are questions we can certainly relate to. Breaking free from a toxic person and being able to move on when you're still in love is much easier said than done, and it can be very difficult to know when to let go. However, breaking free from a toxic relationship is certainly possible once you are willing to be radically honest about the stories you are telling yourself, such as hoping your toxic partner will change or believing that they have the potential to be better than they are. In this video, I discuss how to move past a toxic relationship and how to move on from someone you love deeply. Although it may not be possible to stop loving a toxic person, what and who you choose to permit into your life is entirely within your control. This video is the wake up call you need to get away from your toxic relationship.
Check out my blog: thetoughlover.com/
Or say HI on Instagram: / lordnordy
Music by Qveen Herby - Wild - thmatc.co/?l=891A55E
I'm Ash Nord, your truth-bombing fairy godmother for everything love, dating and relationships. With so many idealistic, romanticised Hollywood messages about love out there, my mission is to be an honest, unfiltered source of information for individuals and couples seeking honest relationship advice and love lessons. No games, no manipulation tactics, no teachings about how to trick someone into liking you… so, if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m probably not your girl. My content is geared towards those wanting to learn more about REAL intimacy and togetherness with their partners or future partners. I have a psychological focus (I'm a psychology student) and a genuine passion for understanding how humans relate to and connect with one another. If you're into that type of thing, or would simply like to hear personal stories about my own life experiences and romantic relationships, then stick around! I got you.
DISCLAIMER: Please note everything stated in this video and all videos on my channel are purely my personal opinions and are for entertainment purposes only. I am not a qualified professional and as such my opinions should not be taken as psychological advice. - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
Yes!! Please do more videos on this subject. I love that you addressed the bullshit stories we tell ourselves! Yes I loved my ex, so much that I forgot my boundaries and became a shell of myself all for fear of losing him. But down to the brass tacks; he started treating me like shit, criticised me and was abusive and this had a major affect on me mentally to the point I had no self esteem. He got with someone else within 2 weeks of breaking up, it hurt like hell and I was fooled at first by the ‘loving pics’ etc and desperately wanted him back, but really it’s all crap because I know what he is like & she has no idea what she has got herself into. I tried warning her - that was a waste of time! - but people have to find these things out for themselves. I still have bad days & think that he may have miraculously changed for someone else. But I know I need to face the reality that he wasn’t showing up for me in the relationship and I deserve better. Ps I love your cat! 😂
Yes yes and yes to everything you said! I couldn’t agree more, and you should be so proud of yourself for having the insight to recognise all of that now. Being able to be honest with yourself about the true quality of your relationship as well as what kind of stories you were telling yourself about him/the relationship is EVERYTHING! Well done to you! Heheh thank you, he’s the sweetest little boy 😍❤️
you all prolly dont care at all but does anybody know a method to get back into an instagram account..?
I was stupid forgot my login password. I would appreciate any help you can give me!
Gurl lmk wat happened! Im in da SAME situation my bf" who i had a bby w/ last yr is toxic asf & abusive verbally & physically & its bad really bad to da point i dnt want him BUT i dnt want him to leave cuz of our bby! 1. Ima b da one suffering financially & emotionally w/ da bby bein a single mom & i dnt want hime to have fun & act single wen he dnt wana take care of his bby 2. Ive given him so much advice on how to strengthen our relationship & he dsnt care i cnt stand tht i kicked him out & hes lookin for hoes to fck & i cnt stand da idea of him movin on a day ltr & bein in a relationship & makin her happy while i gave him the world & got treated like shit i cnt stand dat feelin of him makin someone else happy🤬
@@jersey_xoxo9082 hi, i was a kid that raised in the family that my mom who the one suffering financially but my dad doing nothing at home, have a bad habit, talk negative about people and abuse his children at the young age. But my mom kept this relationship, meanwhile me, have traumatic and verbally abuse by my father. If you love and want to give a happy future for your child and want to show what love your child deserve or as a sample of what you deserve so your child can learn from you, you know what to do. :)
He NEVER deserved You in the first place!!!!
i just left an abusive relationship and as much as i should be relieved to be out of it, i feel the absolute MOST crippling anxiety that i have ever felt. anytime i think about it i start crying and panicking and i have to force myself not to get back into contact. i am starting to see how the extreme attachment to someone who treated me so badly is so unhealthy. in some moments i feel more miserable without him than i felt when he constantly put me down. i really just am having the hardest time, this is SO much harder than i thought it would be.
how are u doing now? i'm feeling the same...
same
I completely understand I found myself doing the same thing with my ex husband. It sucks when you want to go back but you know you shouldn't. It's such a toxic mind thinking
@@inesscrivo4036 I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER. I just feel so inclined to reply to this now that I am doing well because it truly does get better. I am happy and independent. My anxiety has decreased so much. I am completely out of contact with my toxic ex.
@@kaylanicole3962 thats so nice to hear! I was surprised to see my own comment was made one month ago. I'm still not over him. Feeling some glimpses of relief here and there, about the rest I feel completely hopeless and wary of everyone. I was hoping for the healing to be faster than this :(
So true! I saw the red flags of my ex since the first date and for so many reasons (now I realise) I just ignored them for almost 2 years. We broke up almost 5 months ago and yes it was really hard the first months, but it was the best choice ever! Trought the hard times I learned so much and felt a strenght that I didn't know I have, now I feel so much relieve, I'm happy again an the most important I feel peace! That relationship brought so much anxiety and caos into my life and I didn't want to see it because I was so "inlove", I didn't respect myself and the lesson has been huge! So don't be afraid, it might be scary and painful at first, but I promise that if you focus on yourself you'll fell better than ever and eventually meet someone good for you :)
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I’m so happy you were able to rediscover your strength amidst your breakup. It sounds like you’ve learnt so many extremely valuable lessons. A big well done to you! ❤️
Wow thanks for the comment that is amazing x
thanks jessica you make me confident about my decision.
I saw red flags on my ex also, which I ignored, talk about a wake-up call!! 🤦
I’m proud of you
"Love doesn't take away your free will" this hits deep
What if it feels like it does
“You have to separate your feelings of love from your conscience choices and actions.”
Yes 🙌
I was with an abusive liar. He tried to control the way that I looked and lied to me. But he wasn't malicious, he was only a child. I thought I could show them the right path, but the experience only intoxicated me to the point where I didn't know who I was. I'm healing right now and it sucks bc I still have feelings for him.
It hurts. I'm a 6'1" man who had to break up with his toxic gorgeous ex yesterday. I was confident and assertive when I met her, but she beat it out of me daily over several months. I'm sad, ashamed, but I was "patient" as her and I called it, out of love. I'm grieving because I tried so hard with her but am moving on.
I know how you feel
Right there with you brother. Her family was saying that I was “patient” while being with her. Saw the signs over the course of 2 years. Had to leave and so far the best choice of my life. My mental health is more important than trying to make everything work all by myself…
Relatable. Coming up on 3 months single soon.
A few people described it as “she made your light dim” after we split.
There’s other pretty ones, and looks are inside and out, and evil girl with a pretty face is still an evil hit
I hope you are doing much better now dude
Journal is key. Write it down. Sit back and look at it. It’s right there in front of you. Please walk away. Take the pain and forget the person you thought they were. They aren’t. Toxic will kill your soul!
I’m hurt rn and sad. When u give a person your all and they js turn around and spit in your face repeatedly. I js hope I can get through this and wake up not thinking or feeling like this anymore.I wil get through this. God be with me plz. Bless evryone, especially those who are feeling like me and going through this 🥺❤️👍🏽
Really needed to hear this! My ex sold me so many dreams through words but never proven through action. We have to believe that person that they show us and that person is undesirable. I plucked the courage to leave but post-breakup "entertained a chaotic dynamic" I guess because as you said I was desiring that chaos and didn't know any better. But it is soul destroying to be addicted to an individual who is not good for you! But with enough support and videos like this, we can all do better for ourselves and claim our dignities back, we all worthy of stable, happy fulfilling love!
I literally listen to this video at least every other day. I’m getting better, and I use this video as the mantra to start holding space for myself. Makes me better every time I hear it.
Looking back and like you say, being totally honest to yourself/myself, my toxic relationship did not last for two years, it was the two years that it took to break free, from a loving but toxic person, of whom I now succeeded to walk away from and be free and be myself again.
Oh my gosh this video perfectly coincides with my recent breakup. I broke up with my now ex just over a week ago because I caught him in a lie, and throughout our entire relationship he had been hiding things from me involving other people. I kept telling myself "he's not a malicious person! he's a good person who has bad judgement and a lot of baggage" and then forgave him and stayed time and time again. Your point about letting go of the story you tell yourself and facing the facts is so enlightening. Thank you thank you thank you
So happy it resonated with you and that it was relevant to your current situation! I can relate to that story all too well. You’re so welcome! ❤️
I’m going through a break up right now and it feels like it’s never going to get any better. This person was so toxic and I kept ignoring and forgiving everything he did only for him to do the same things over and over again. He never cared about how much he hurt me, he would lie about everything and he would manipulate me as hell. I know I’m better off without him, but it’s so hard letting him go. I also know that he already has another girl and this pain is just unbearable. I don’t know what else to do, I just want all this pain to be over
I was in a toxic 2 year on again off again relationship I went from fat to skinny even the doctor told me I wasn't eating, drinking and sleeping enough I could never eat or sleep I just cried all the time he recently left me for my ex friend I qas crying I even left my home and drove I went back home and I feel so happy now because I'm free away from that demon to me driving in the middle of nowhere with relaxing music is pure therapy im also im therapy
I wrote down In my notes on my phone all the things I didn't like/hated about my toxic ex, but I overlooked it all at the time cause I thought I loved them.
All the times they were hurtful towards me, all my suspicions, truths I found out & the lies they told me over our time together.
kept adding over time, when i remembered things id pushed to the back of my mind years ago, cause they had me fooled.
Every time I felt that I missed them or loved them still.. i hot it up & I read through it.
It really worked.
I hope to delete this one day when I'm over my toxic ex.. negativity isn't good but it serves a purpose in opening your eyes to how they really treated you.. & shows you how you should not be treated in the future.
Thought ppl shouldn't be in your life.
I just ignored the first massive red flag from this person. And suffered because of it. But I am done now. I am watching all the videos I can for support and my friends are really helping me through it all.
I think this is exactly what I needed to hear. While I was the one who made the final call, it feels like this person broke up with me with their behavior.
Thank you so much for this. Another thing I believe is that once someone has done you wrong and they beg for forgiveness and show THAT desperate love that YOU want too, it becomes addicting. You almost seek THAT love out again. Even if it means enduring dysfunction.
Dude yesss
Yes
You definitely hit the nail on the head. I have to make the choice to stop allowing him to continue to hurt and disappoint me. At this point,after all these years, I'm a volunteer.... not a victim. Time to DEAL with the truth and HEAL the hurt.
Amen
Idk why i feel like everything is my fault 😕 when all I wanted was real love.
Same here 😥
are you doing well now?
I know many girls who were in toxic relationships and who are in a couple with an abuser. All signs and red flags are always more visible from the side. And all these girls see these signs, notice them, but endure abuse, toxic and continue to be with their partner.
It is difficult to look at a girl who suffers but does nothing for herself.
It is possible to get out of such a relationship and move on, and eventually be happy in a new healthy relationship!
You may have saved my life with this video. This is exactly what I’ve needed to hear. Thank you ❤️
You’re so welcome! I’m so happy it resonated with you ❤️❤️
I really needed to hear this . Thank you. I'm divorcing a covert narcissist and i really don't want to because of my trauma bond. Its hurts so much.
I am going through a breakup right now, I left my abusive partner yesterday after finding him talking to other women (I already knew this for months but never left but had a dream that night hat told me to get out) and all I want is to go back, that’s all I want, it’s so hard. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and he just keeps messaging me saying he will change and I’m falling for it ! How do you get over this? I have not gotten out of bed, haven’t ate or drank anything and my body just feels exhausted and sore, I literally feel so alone and that I’d be better off dead then feel like this
Hey Alysha, I'm going through a heartbreak myself, he was my ex and this was the second chance. He messed me up all over again. I can totally relate to you feeling this way, I have had intense anxiety and depression these past 10 days. I'm gonna see a doctor tomorrow, if you want to talk, I'm here. I understand what you are going through and it's totally okay to feel this way. Please reach out for help if you feel the need ❤
Don't fall for it sis ... he sounds like a manipulator. You can find a better man. There are billions of men on this planet, heal and try again with someone who seems more promising using what you learned from you current situation.
If you are still going through this, do not go back!! Take it from someone who has taken them back like 100 times!! They don’t change and it definitely won’t happen right away . Very manipulative on his part and we want to believe it because we love them and we are comfortable there but genuinely we deserve way better. Things never got better for me with him instead worse and sneakier. Don’t go back !
Just ended a almost 2 year relationship last night my final straw was he got extremely drunk and physically shoved me/ punched things around me. I should be so grateful I got out of there last night without harm but I never thought it would ever go from emotional abuse to that. It was the first time he’s ever done that. We had such good days but the next day could be hell. I have the most crippling anxiety rn and almost want to unblock him to “see what he says” but I know I never should talk to him again… it’s so hard.
Ash, could you do a video on breakups after a long term relationship and the process of healing? You’re always so insightful.
Ohh yes, this is a good one!! Thank you for the topic suggestion 🤗
@@AshleyNord Thank you Ms.Ash :)
@@AshleyNord oh please do, and if yiu have already where can I find it? Ty
Every sentence hit me hard as I am currently in the exact situation. I have been treated like shit for last one year and i keep telling these unrealistic stories to myself that he will change eventually and would love me the way he used to in the beginning. I have decided to move on as it’s badly impacting my mental health to the extent that seldom I get thoughts of giving up on life. But I have decided to realise my worth after all which unfortunately I forgot feeding his ego, tantrums or shitty behaviour. The only issue is my every day and every activity was attached to him. We were in a live-in relationship and now i don’t know how to get rid of this chronic habit. I cry almost everyday because I miss our time together and I am very attached to him. I know that he is not worth my efforts at all but this attachment in my mind is not allowing me to let go of him. Basically not love but the habit I have built during this whole time staying with him, is what affecting my moving on decision. I don’t want to go back to him ever. If you can suggest something on this, I would be really glad.
Thanks for making such helpful video !!
Thank you you for this!
Thank you for this I really needed it
Big breath...you are an amazing speaker, sad to hear what you say is the truth. 17 year marriage, and faced head on, and I'm paralyzed with fear. I've just made the decision to leave and just writing the words tears me to the core. I don't want to do it, but I've tried and tried and tried. I'm scared, and sad so sad, knowing what I must face, for the 2nd time in my life. Give me strength.
I needed this video 😔
I love everything you said, so true
Oh my gosh .... this is so good!
I needed this ...
This gave me so much peace ❤
on f ing point! i needed this! thank you
this helps alot!!!! thank you for this really thank you.
Thank you so much!!!!
Yes 🙌🏼 thank you so much this video is extremely empowering and I am so blessed to have found it when I became truly ready. I am so grateful for this breakthrough
Thank you for the clarity.
Maurice,Thankyou done!!
This video spoke so much to me. Thank you for your content
Thank you SO much for this video.
I've watched a few of these and this one really helped thanks heaps
This is the best talk I have heard on this topic! Thank you 🙏
Amazing video to say the least. Gave me a new perspective, and I can honestly say I feel better.
I just want to thank you so so much. I met a man who lived locally. When we lived apart it was lovely, no effort dates with smiles, gifts, and a good deal of romance. It moved quickly, and we got engaged. From the point of engagement he started becoming emotionally abusive, cold, distant, demanding I respected him when there was no clear indication I'd been in anyway disrespectful. He accused me of cheating on him and made up reasons why he thought my friends hated him. I had major surgery and rather than take time off work to be with me he worked continuously. I was so grateful he saw me for 20mins to an hour for three evenings out of the week I was in hospital. However, I knew I wasn't coming first. On my return home, his mother came to stay to help look after me. He became resentful of helping to care for me by sighing heavily when I asked for a glass of water or making out I could get my own meals. He did no housework and my home started to become laden with debris and evidence of poor hygiene practices. I finally got the strength to leave after the arguments became audible to the neighbours, he had shut me in a door, and slapped me. He drove me to my grandparents a few days before Christmas 2022, before leaving to stay with his family. The first day was fine, he seemed distant but spoke to me. On the second he began to fob me off, ignore my calls. He called me nuts for trying to call multiple times. It was here where I messaged and broke off our engagement. Despite everything, I realised I was worth more. We had started the process of buying a house together, and had booked parts of our wedding. He completely accepted the breakup and seemed almost happy about it. I'm stuck in a state of turmoil not knowing whether it was me that was abusive and I said things that angered him but what I do know is it was toxic. Today I go back to our old home, and begin to pack his things. He comes with his mum and dad tomorrow to collect the things. I don't know how I'm going to do the packing alone. I have friends with me tomorrow. Anyway, I go off on a tangent but thank you. Thank you for making a video that has given me strength to know I was right in wanting more, and knowing it was toxic, yet loving him because of an earlier version.
Thank you Ashley that made a lot of sense. You brought me a lot of clarity. I'll definitely be leaning on your youtube videos to continue to keep my mind clear and not fall back into the bs. Thank you ur a strong woman and I value that.
Its been one month since I broke up with him but I am still watching this video cuz even though we broke up he calls me whenever he needs me and that gives me anxiety and I start overthinking about my past. Breaking up wasn't hard honestly but getting him outside my mind is hard.
Thank you for the wise reminder !!!🙏
going through this rn and helped me rethink a LOT. thank you❤
I’ve left my toxic ex six times. It was so difficult and I was so blinded. Now he has a new girl and I’m happy for him and I’ll be praying for the girl. Although this experience has really sucked. The results are beautiful. I’ve learned so much about myself and about God. I wish him all the best and only for his happiness. It hurts letting go of them but it has been the best decision I’ve ever made. Thank you so much for this video. God bless you my friend. Men and women of God are forged in waiting. Whoever is reading this I want you to know that you’re worth it. You’re your own person so own it. Jesus loves you so much. You deserve the best babes. Have a great day angels I love you all❤️
this is so wonderful, and exactly what I needed to hear. I appreciate you so much for taking the time to help this many people with something that's so hard to do on your own
Thank you for this, you have no idea how this helps. I’m crying out of sadness right now and I know what to do but thank you for making this video.
First of all you are gorgeous! And thank you so much for this video. Always believe these men even though I am smart enough to know otherwise.
Thank You for this video Ash . I have been struggling with the same and a month ago we broke up but Somewhere I was feeling guilty . But after This video I m feeling better . 👍 . Thank you.
Thanks for this. And I love your makeup. You're beautiful :)
This is a very good video. Thank you. 🙏🏾
THANKS this video help me out so much i really needed to hear this !!!
Got it you put that in a firm way tgat i could understand i needed to hear that
I am in need for videos like that, thank you really I felt good for leaving him today.
its been a healing process listening ash...
This is a great video. Definitely apart of my wake up call journey.
Thank you for this. I've been struggling. My weakness is staying busy in the aftermath.
This helped me so much and 2 years after it was originally posted!
Wonderful massage, thank you Angel ❤😢
Hi! I know this has been a year already but I hope you can talk more about this. I’m seeing this at a very perfect moment in my life rn. Thank you so much.
I never really understood why I kept coming back and my friends are tired of hearing about the toxic relationship. But I’m trying to choose myself now. Thank you for bringing a lot of clarity and I really hope to hear you talk about this more. ❤️
Thank you for this video ❤️ new subscriber
So perfectly put and you’ve really helped me confirm the decision I made was right. I ended a 5 month relationship with a guy who had so many red flags that I kept pushing aside. I stopped going back because I couldn’t see a future with him. Thank you 😊
What an amazing video. You are absolutely right and thank you for your insightful words 😊
Omg, Love this video. So realistic and well explained. Something I needed to hear right now. Keep making such videos you’re helping so many like Me. ❤❤
Ashley, I had tears watching with video because you are so right. It seems to simple and logical, but when we are in love we can be ignorant and delusion is the child of ignorance . The image I have of him doesn’t represent him. I have been in a toxic on off relationship for 2 1/2 years now, and every couple of months he uses the feelings I have for him, for physical „intimacy“ and I always justify it. He has broken my heart 4 times by now (replacing me for example), but because I’m so in love with the idea of him I can’t let go. He knows that, and abuses this. The point is: I have to judge him as a person, by his actions and what they have consistently shown. I already subscribed, please talk about this more.
Hi Ashley , good morning to you.just found your podcasts and this podcast really resonates with me
Really speaks to me and hits home.I realize now that my relationship with my wife has been a toxic one right from the very beginning. I get treated like shit and I feel like shit. Someone not to long ago asked me if I have been dipped in shit lately,and to his surprise. I said yes I have been. My wife is definitely a covert narcissist and she's an alcoholic besides ,which doesn't help matters at all. I'm just now finding out about narcissists.i could never understand what was going on. All the time. I do now understand. Lies on top of lies. Cheating to no end, totally immoral acts totally indecent acts .No empathy and never any accountability. I never knew that someone could be so cold hearted ,so cruel. Hey Ashley I'm glad I found your podcasts and I will continue listening to you. Thank you very much for all your helpful podcasts .Till next time,. Have a good day.
I’m a 29 yo male going through some drama and this video solidified how I was feeling, I entered a new relationship with an old friend and it was immediately abusive and toxic and I didn’t see it and I knew something was wrong, I listened to this video and you’re exactly right and I’m willing to except my flaws and see that she was preying on them. Keep up the good work girl ❤
Thank you for enlighten my view now..
Thank you Ashley.
I keep postponing my departure... and I am so very close.
It was a toxic situationship. Looking at his behaviour, I completely dislike him just emotions that are stuck but it'll get better with time💛
Thank you! There are two choices I choose to leave and build on myself. Some people will not change. I deserve better or to be alone and I am okay with that. PEACE
"you can love someone and still choose to let them go..."
Thank you for this
You’re so welcome ❤️❤️
This topic perfectly resonates with me... Thank you so much for this one..💗
Desperately waiting for your upcoming videos..
I’m so happy to hear that! And you’re very welcome ❤️❤️ and I’m back!! Thanks so much for waiting for me ☺️🥰
Thank you.
Thank you. Not able to afford expensive therapists. This helps ten fold.
Excellent video, thank you!
You’re so welcome! Thank you for watching ❤️
Oh my gosh, your camouflage cat scared me lol. He blends amazingly on your sheets.
What a beautiful cat..
Great, honest video. Thank you!!
Great suggestions for a touchy subject! Many face this exact challenge
Thanks so much! So happy you think so 😊 and I agree, sadly I think this is a position most of us have been in before!
You read me like a book. I cried, and hard, but I needed to hear it
I’m so happy it resonated with you, but also so sorry to hear that you’re in a painful situation. Sending you so much love and strength ❤️
I have just ended a toxic relationship and came across your video, I want to say thank you so much, your video just makes it so clear, is painful to look at it this way but I needed that right now.
@JoshuaBaris-je6ws you will have to be patient and give it time unfortunately. A lot of reading and learning about healing. Hope things get better soon.
periodd! 👏🏽
This video spoke directly to me.
I’m so happy to hear that! I’m glad it resonated with you 😊
You deserve way more than 14K subs
Please keep on, because I'm such in love with her. I know it's over, but we were so good in the beginning and I didn't see the red flags from the beginning.
I Have Listened to this 5 times already. I Am Really Hurting. But this video helps. Thank you ❤
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re hurting 😔 I’m happy my video was able to be of some help! You’re very welcome ❤️
Informative video! Loving yourself first is OKAY
Absolutely! ❤️🙌🏼
Thank you so much for your video.. I wish I would’ve heard it when I was younger. I’m 53 now I’m glad I learned it NOW better late than never. Your words spoke to me in 3-D. Keep doing what you’re doing. And much love to you too🙏🏼🤗
You’re so welcome! I’m so happy it resonated with you! It’s never too late to learn these lessons and we all have our unique journeys and paths 😊 thank you so much for the encouragement and support, much love to you as well!! ❤️
Thank you
i love you so muchhh
I really needed to hear this after 1.5 months of no contact.
So happy it resonated with you!! ❤️
i love you. truly.