OP leeching off his wife's inheritance needs to be divorced. He's fine with her buying him a new car, a house, cushioning his retirement and providing him with free childcare but he's not okay with buying his wife clothing or getting a haircut "If she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc". Also not a fan of the way he talks about his wife's struggles. "Her mental health became pretty bad and she has a *minor* disability that makes work life a *little* hard". I hope his wife sold the car she bought for him and funded herself a divorce lawyer
35:56 The Delu-sean (delusion) is real with this one. Charging your child for food when they are still legally your responsibility is child abuse, imo. Period. EDIT: Thank goodness he switched his opinion!
I would never charge my kid for food. He sounds responsible enough. He's working a job and got into college. The dad sounds delusional at best and financially abusive at worst
exactly, why are you making him pay for something that you are supposed to provide him??? you're not teaching him to be responsible, you're shedding that responsibility off yourself
He's basically parenting himself while the parent just takes his money. Ffs. Started doing it while 15! That's wild and hella illegal. 🥴🤦🏽♀️ Smh. Pathetic father he is.
30:56 Not the AH for taking a percentage of his work money to put away for college, but ABSOLUTELY the AH for not giving your underage son food when he doesn't have enough money to feed himself. Like WTF?!
That was so weird to me, too! Do they not have food and meals at home that he can have? Yes, when I was a teen making money, I had to start buying some of my own stuff. I bought some of my own toiletries, esp if I wanted fancier than my Mom's basic. 😂 Also some clothing if I wanted additional to my parents providing basic, necessary clothing. Oh yeah, books, too. I was a big reader and liked owning some books even though we made good use of the library. But food???? Sure, things like, if I wanted to go for fast food with my friends, that was my choice to use my money for that. But I could still have dinner at home, instead. I do wish my parents taught me saving, better. They talked about it abstractly but one of my friend's Mom took 10% of ANY money they got, gifts, everything and put it in accounts for them. By the time they were getting out of the house and she turned those accounts over to them, they saw and understand how much it had built up. And were also used to just always putting at least 10% away from any paycheck or even gifts. So some of THAT I think is a good idea. But I am really stuck on this food thing, too. Especially if they live there together, does nobody cook in that house, did they teach him to cook?? So weird.
23:45 Oh HELL no. If OP wants to be like that then he can return the car, get out the house his wife paid for, and give back whatever she added to his retirement 🤷♀️
The husband that refuses to pay for his wife's expenses is trying to punish her for staying home and make him work. He is on the path of financial abuse, especially when he disregards her efforts and her inheritance as meaningful contributions
Dude with wife with inheritance, wife needs to charge him the monthly payments for house and car. Then she has spending money, and he can understand bills
It kinda sounds like beer guy lives in Europe just based off the price talk, like in some countries in Europe, you can easily find cheap beer for 1 euro, and since they were on sale im guessing the two beers cost him less than 3 euros total so personally i think his dads logic is weird. He's old enough to work for his money and pay for his food but not old enough to have two beers on sale after work without his dad getting up in his shit
I was thinking the same thing because in eastern Europe beer was cheaper than water when I visited. But he does call it "college" which is an American term for what they call "University" afaik. Also, he thinks he's doing his son a favor by setting aside the money he earns, but is basically taking his money from him by making him pay for food when he should be paying for him until he goes to college at least. He's not getting the food money he's spending on food back!
Story 3- very similar to my experience. However, I didn't get any help towards Uni. I had 3 part time minimum wage jobs from 14. When I got to 16 my parents asked for £20 per week whilst I was in college (UK) for 'board' then got to 18 - Uni and working full time hours afterwards- £400pm. Did my Teaching degree at 21 whilst working full time. £400pm and suddenly, I had to buy my own food, do my own laundry (not allowed to use the washing machine or oven at home) as well. Then got asked all the time 'WHY AREN'T YOU DRIVING YET?! ' 'Why are you never home?!' 'Why do you stay at work after hours every night and have drinks?' Like, 1. I have no money left for lessons- because I am paying for transport, rent, food and laundry to get through this degree. 2. Because I'm fed at work for free. 3. Because the drinks are free when I'm working 8hr shifts after teaching for 8 hours and travelling 2 hours a day. Then I was disobedient and selfish for getting depression and being stressed because I 'treat this house like a hotel' A hotel would have been cheaper. I moved out at 22 when I got into my career, paid £450pm for rent, freedom and then £300pm bills. Still had more money left than being at home each month. Now my parents say 'you have so much money, you're doing well, you and *partner* are raking it in' 'you've always been so independent' BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE was to be scruffy, starving and sad all the time. That dad is the asshole. Full stop.
Story 4: I used to have the same rules with my parents. 20% of every paycheck would go into my college account. I absolutely HATED it at the time but it did teach me a lot about saving and now I have a large savings at 27 compared to my friends because I kept doing it. However, I never had to pay any other bills (outside of my car) or for food while in school. I can’t imagine having 40% taken out while working limited hours and going to school. The dad is TA. He’s not hearing his son when he says that this agreement isn’t working anymore.
I worked in high school and my parents never set money aside for me, but I managed to save up plenty of money on my own *because* they were covering my basic needs. I'd spend money on food when I was out with friends and it taught me to be careful with spending without the whole *no food at home* thing. That one commenter was so right about how it's doing the opposite of teaching him responsibility because he's not actually helping his son learn to balance his budget.
The one with the wife who couldn't find her ex sounds SO familiar. I've heard if people claiming this and it turned out they were lying. Either they already found them and was putting the child support into a secret account or they didn't actually know who the baby daddy was at the time. Something isn't right there and I hope OP looks into it.
Yeah, even my ex who was working under the table could still be found through his other family members. If a private investigator still couldn't find him, it either means the ex is homeless or he's dead. If none of his family have seen him since the divorced, it makes me think she's off'd him.
Oh hell nah to the 2nd story! I wouldve peed in the plants, spit in the champagne and food, then for the cherry on top id lick every goddamn single piece or loaf of bread while maintaning eye contact then, id grab my man and say "im done with your bs peace im out assholes"! Screw that i wouldnt let anyone use me 😂😂
@@ElisaSarah As a German, I feel like there are lots of other things you can be offended by than someone mistaking the German abbreviation for yours....?
Also, the parent in the third one really needs to take a step back and look at the situation as a whole. Thats still their child even if hes 18, the whole only having money for breakfast and two beers, taking 40% of his pay and telling him he has to pay for pretty much everything himself since he was 15 it sounds like is waaayy obverboard. The kid is only 18 technically still a teenager so its up to the parents to feed and house him, sure you can ask for a little help here and there but to take his money under the premise of it going to his college fund is bs. It should be put just under savings for his life so who knows if he even wants to go to college depending where they live it may be too expensive or he just doesnt know yet but come on broffesor help the poor kid out! Im so glad i was taught financially responsibility at an early age and also that we were taught it in junior high and high school it was a whole damn class five days a week and made up a big part of our grades it was nice but damn do i feel old now!😂 love this pod, the wikimaniacs and yall including spouses and furbabies yall are the best!
Dad is a total arsehole. At bare minimum feed you kid. The son does not sound ok with his wage being 'taxed' and the college find thing sounds like BS.
I’m pissed about the wife that went behind the husband’s back and took money out of their joint account. She betrayed his trust when they agreed at the START of the marriage that they would have equal say. And since she doesn’t work, that is technically all of his money he made for their family that she’s throwing at whatever. He gave her the solution of matching her “fun money” and she refused. He realized he made a mistake when he made the money inaccessible to her after she wouldn’t budge or renege on her decision to give her sister money, and tried to compromise, and she refused. They went to counseling and she still refused to see his POV. She sounds like a brat and honestly she deserves not a cent in the divorce but she’s going to get something because that’s how the law works. Paying 100% of monthly living expenses for relatives that don’t live with you is absolutely absurd, I don’t care if it’s her sister. The in-laws can keep up with job hunting or supplement their expenses with unemployment, but expecting an all expense paid gravy train from OP is ridiculous. “Financial abuse”, pffft. Not in the slightest. If it was financial abuse OP was intending to do to her, he wouldn’t have caved so easily to reversing his decision because of Reddit.
It's not all of "his" money. Housework is still work, even if it doesn't get paid, so she's contributing her part. Saying it's all of HIS money is creating a huge inequality and power imbalance in the partnership. Yes, she shouldn't have taken it. But if they agreed on a joint bank account, then it's her money as much as it is his, and even though she did behave the way she did, of course she should still get paid in divorce if she stayed at home for him. It's harder to find a job the older you get, especially if you haven't worked for a long time. No matter how rude she was, she doesn't deserve to fall into poverty for this like so many other women do. This is why it's so so dangerous to choose to be a trad wife.
Josh's side comments at the end sent me 😂 Also, congrats on being married! I saw the pics you guys posted on the row insta and you all looked beautiful! I wish you guys all the best!
The last story. If the SIL had both her ovaries removed, how is she going to have biological children? Maybe she harvested the eggs and froze them unfertilized. This is very expensive and I definitely wouldn't take the loan out.
You can get a beer for less than 2 dollars. Food is very expensive and its on purpose to get people to buy them just like he did. The government knows what theyre doing and he fell right into it
Damn, my kid complained about having to give me $5 once a week to take them to & from work everyday. I can only imagine the fit that would’ve been thrown had I tried to take 40% of their pay; even if they were getting it back at some point.
35:21 If the son left with enough to even eat food (yes beers can be less expensive than meals, at least in my area it is) then the OP really needs to sit down and reevaluate this money taking plan of his. Plus having him pay for his own food is insane to me, if I was Op I’d keep regular groceries in the home & if the son wanted anything extra he’d have to buy it himself. That way no one has to sink so low as to drink or sleep in order to temporarily not feel hungry, I’ve been through hunger pains before & I wouldn’t want my child going through that.
okay so the story with charging your kid for food? making your kid pay for food is ridiculous. but that aside, the method itself just doesn’t work. i was raised with helicopter parents who took some of my checks and all it taught me was that i hate getting my check taken. so when i moved out, my account was constantly negative for the first few months. i didn’t start getting better with finances until my mom sat down with me every two weeks to reexamine my check and go through upcoming bills for the next two weeks. now i can plan expenses on my own.
For the paycheck dad, that's craaaazy that he's suddenly in charge of buying all of his food. Maybe pay for EXTRA food, like going to fast-food. He should have the option of packing a lunch at home, and eating breakfast before he leaves the house. He should be learning budgeting and buying his extras, but being completely in charge of his own survival - so much so that he's freaking out and drinking - is unhinged parenting. L dad 🤡👎 PS no one said he was drinking and driving. He drinks after work, but that doesn't mean it's before he gets home.
I didn’t even need to fundraise money to get pregnant and I can tell you the birth itself was way too expensive. And emergencies can and do happen after having kids and then you will need to have your own credit to fall back on because kids are expennsssiiiiiivvvvveeee and the US healthcare system sucks.
I know the wife was out of line but i agree with the commenter who said he took a scorch the earth approach. I would never do what she did but if my husband took away my access to our money and then came home to tell me afterwards like im a child on punishment under his care yeah no right or wrong im good. Also why id love to be a stay at home mom but would never
I just wanna put it out there that you people give me hope that there are still real, committed, loyal men with a sound mind who can make really good decisions and know the difference between what's right and wrong. The way you all treat your significant other and put them on a pedestal is heartwarming. They are the luckiest. I was literally a man hater before I was introduced to your podcast on Spotify. I advocate for SA'd victims all the time and you have no idea how almost all MEN are absolutely disgusting when they put out their opinion on r@pe and domestic V. Thank you for restoring my fate in men, there's only a few of you guys, I'd like to stumble into one, one day💗💗💗 (not related to this video but it's been on my mind for a while)
Big agree; if her inheritance allows you both to live rent/mortgage-free and he is struggling to justify working I can see where there's resentment to deal with. Get therapy because that rarely just goes away and buried resentment is insidious when it shows up. But the freedom she has provided gives so many options! Go to school to get the job you love or apply for one that gives the perks that make your lives easier, etc but seriously find something that brings you happiness. Deal with resentment. Mentioning she made more money when she did work while invalidating it with "but only slightly" proves it's already there. And she may want to go back to work once the baby isn't a baby. Looking at the situation like it's forever is a relationship killer. YYeahhh, I hesitate to say YTA because it's all fixable, but dude--grow up. You're a Dad now.
even though I didn’t earn all my money when I was 17-18, I managed all my expenses, now I am in my 20s, and with all that experience I can say that food some times takes 40-50% of budget. Good healthy food is expensive. Charging your underage son for that is cruel
In regards to the last story: It's actually really easy to help someone (or to have someone help you) improve their credit score. Have their name added to your good-standing credit card, but don't give them a card for their use. Your credit score will affect theirs. the same applies to when you are added to someone else's card. The larger and better maintained the card, the more it will benefit. This is a great way to start your kids out will good credit--or apparently to help your brother and sister-in-law have a baby :)
Wow, Texas's minimum wage is $7.75? Granted I live in a ridiculous place with ridiculous prices, but in Washington State, my teenagers make over $17 because that's minimum wage here. I knew the federal minimum was that low, but I thought all the states would be above that - don't get me wrong it being high is NOT working out here, but it was shocking to hear the minimum wage like that!
*The wife just handing over $3,000 is absolutely fkn W I L D!!* I'm with the dude on this one. NTA at ALL. lmfaooOoo. You don't owe the sister anything. 😅 Gtfoh 💀
Also, if you *can't afford* IVF, that means you can't afford children. Children are not free toys. You HAVE to pay for them. They are struggling* to getting the money for what they want now, just imagine a child entering that nonsense. 🥴
When I was 20 i gave half my paycheck to my mom and she would take it and put it into savings for me. I moved out at 24 and the money that was set aside helped me get and furnish my first apartment. I think that Money Dad should still help him with food since he’s living at home and it would be one less thing to worry about. The kid is replacing food with booze and as Nathan Explosion said “It ain’t food”
56:44 yeah coz on paper she can manipulate her way into making people think that she's been financially abused. When it is her that abused him. The dude even realized that to actually have an equal say she needs to be included in the bank to have a say, just as much as he does. Yet she doesn't want that. She wants him to be an atm. And she's the one who financially abused him in the first place by drawing money without his consent when he had the power to actually lord it over her, but he never did that. He never went against the verbal agreement. It is her, who broke his trust and she should be divorced by him. Leave her dusty, abusive ass. Good for him for finally getting rid of that asshole!
story 1- lesson is stop trying to be nice. try to be a fair person. because its like we all grow a backbone. you allowed that person to use you. we live & learn.
That was the late wife's money, it has nothing to do with the new wife and her kids. It's not the kid's fault their mother died. Does the new wife also want part of the kid's social security survivor benefits?
35:33 … why wouldn’t the parent help pay for the kid’s food? They still live with them? Work on a compromise like “hey, I’d like you to cook x amount of times a week.” Learn a new skill but then they don’t have to be hungry.
48:18 The wife is ridiculous in this story. She essentially stole from her partner after he even offered to take his own fun money to match hers, but she just went and did whatever she wanted to. She's the AH
She had the nerve to cry “financial abuse”. Like, No one is stopping you from getting a job and using the money you make to help with your sister’s expenses, honey!!! Instead you’re going to use the money your husband has worked hard for to sink both your and your sister’s ships. It’s the principle of dispensing grain among a starving people. In some cases you see people, when given a month supply, give half to another. Both families end up starving regardless because the budgeted grain was only enough to sustain a single family. Similar situation here. If the wife keeps giving the sister money, it’s going to eat away at OP’s earned savings and their future will eventually be in dire straits.
You should NEVER use food like this. No one chooses to go hungry. Parent is definitely overstepping and taking too much. This is abuse. Also not to sound like an AH myself but to suggest to buy takeout/fast food to a growing teenager as all their meals is not sound advice nor is it the best idea financially speaking.
The part of the husband cutting off access to savings where I do see him as the AH is that he took ALL of their savings. That is esentially trapping her to do what he wants or not have access to more than fun money which doesn’t give her the possibility to leave if she needs to which is a common tactic used by financial abusers. It very much seems like that wasn’t his intent and if it was supposed to be both of their money he should have taken out the portion that was “only his” but left her access to the rest. But splitting future savings for joint future decisions is already pretty damning of the relationships future so idk if it would have made all that much of a difference. She definitely shouldn’t have taken the money out without asking and should have tried to find another compromise but it seems like with both partners putting their foot down with no room to collaborate their marriage is pretty doomed. Sorry OP that sucks.
Wait a minute. OP says he tales a percentage and then says he doesn't know how much the kid makes but it's not so little that he can't afford food. How can he take a percentage when he doesn't know how much the total is. Sounds like OP.has been taking a flat rate regardless of how much the kid makes or how many hours they get.
34:30 $6 for a beer!?! Maybe at the bar lmao. Hell no they’re like between $1-3 depending on where you’re at. A whole 6 pack is around $6. Gotta say the dad is the asshole cause 2 beers cost much less than a meal, and if he’s only able to eat by paying for his own food and can only afford breakfast then he’s essentially starving his son til he goes to college
When I was 17, I got on goverment assisted pay to help me look for work after I graduated high school. My mum got me to start paying her $60 towards rent. I was getting just under $300 every fortnight (2 weeks) and I had no sense or awareness of saving my money because no one had taught me that. So it was really hard to learn how to budget and save. I'm now 26 and I'm still struggling to save and budget. The OP is 100% the ahole. I understand he has good intentions. But what if his son doesn't want to go to college? What if he's struggling financially, and drinking is just easier to fill his belly than spending money on food that might only feed him for a few days or so. It also appears that the son is getting no say in any of this. His money is getting taken from him and he's finally getting fed up with it. It started when he was 15! Like are you kidding me. You should have taught him about budgeting and saving, not making the decision to take a percentage of his pay to save for a college fund that YOU should be financially providing for. Why can't you put a percentage away from your pay slip for his college fund? You put a financial stress and burden on your child at a young age and didn't think it would have a negative outcome. That is on you. Give him his money and let him decide what he wants to do with it. How is he meant to live his life, make mistakes, learn from them and grow if you dont give him the chance to make his own decisions. How is he meant to learn to grow up and learn to live without you if you are financially abusing him
charging your kid for food is absolutely insane next thing what? he's gonna charge his kid for rent? you chose to bring this person to the world you should be providing him the basic to live the kid is being as responsable as a 18yo can be, idk I don't like this parent
Taking a percentage out of the son's paycheck to "save" is such a terribad idea but because of how fafsa works (if they're in the States). Unless you can save a full ride amount all you're doing is ducking them out of student loans/grants. Literally even 10k of savings in the student's name can mean they can't even get government student loans. Speaking from experience. Esp since the kid is likely making min wage or near it, that 40% is not going to be enough to appreciably pay for college and 60% after taxes might would be stretched thin to cover food and gas (speaking from college experience where rent was like 40% of my income). Like how soul sucking. And not keeping food at home the kid can eat?? Jesus.
I know it's a long shot, but will DECORUM merch ever be back? I'm a SAHM and I work 2 days a week to help cover bills so money is tight but I really want a Decorum shirt or hoodie
To be fair I'm disabled so i only work 15-20 hours a week. But i live in alberta, canada so i make 15$ as minimum wage. But still, i pay a chunk for rent as I live with my mom and then i also pay my own phone bill, health necessities, gas, insurance, etc. The only thing i dont pay for is food for meals, i pay for my own snacks. I think its really strange to expect your son to be thrown into adulthood paying and making for his own meals but you cant give him the same respect to drink like an adult. I think its ridiculous to throw your son into that, maybe spend some time getting him used to learning how to cook for himself and budget if youre expecting him to move out once he goes to college. But if hes planning to continue living there while attending college, i think maybe a portion for rent is good but give him some food.
Not rich (at all) but I do everything I can for my (very young) daughter to have the best opportunities. I'm saving whatever I can to help for when the day comes were she wants to buy a home. If I die and some other person felt entitled to use the money meant for my daughter I would haunt that B ass. 👻😈 European dollars? 😂😂 Leave whatever those are at home. 😅 If you visit Norway you could use Norwegian Kroner, but 99% of Norwegians pay with their debit card. Don't know about tourists but using anything other than card to pay is too much hazel. 😅 I can't remember the last time I didn't just tap my phone.
43:53 - Even without knowing the actual amount that was taken out of the joint account without OP's knowledge, I still would've sided with OP no matter what. Why? Because inflation is a pain in the butt! Stuff that used to be affordable back then are now expensive as hell and at times like this it really feels like you're trading an arm and a leg just to afford rent and groceries for at least a week before you end up having to cut expenses that are needed to live just to get by from paycheck to paycheck. While I personally never had to go through this myself, that doesn't mean that I can't at least be sympathetic about it and side with an OP in any story that involves budgeting because budgeting in the modern era we are in is not as easy as it used to be. So the fact that people are even questioning OP at all makes no sense to me whatsoever. Everyone and their grandmother knows you need love and trust to build a foundation for a healthy marriage and if you remove trust out of the equation then the marriage will break and turn into dust fast due to the simple fact that love will NOT and CANNOT fix everything no matter what. I seriously hope that OP had signed a prenup before getting married because I wouldn't be surprised if OP's wife tries to get a divorce just to take more money from OP. Edit: Wow. I wished I watched the rest of this story because now I am REALLY hoping that OP doesn't get screwed over during divorce.
Can I just say in defense of the guys that the whole Euro Dollar thing is just a joke, it was said by mistake and now it’s just stuck because it’s stupid. I completely understand why it’s disrespectful in mostly all situations but they aren’t trying to be, it was a word-flub.
For beer son, why is op saying he doubts that his son doesn’t make enough to feed himself? Shouldn’t you know? Shouldn’t you be able to put it in the post? Op seems like a liar. Idk.
If you’re underaged, you can only work part time. That’s already not a lot. Children also need you to teach them how to shop and budget. Op just sounds really dismissive. I wonder what else son has to pay for that isn’t considered by op. Btw I made almost 2k working part time in Orange County, CA and still struggled. I only paid for food, clothes, gas, and toiletries.
I am in a majority on story 3. Sounds like they didnt even know he wasnt eating so I dont think starving was intended or known. Dont get me wrong if after finding out they arent making sure he is getting food yeah they are the asshole and that does seem to be what is tieing everyone up. Id feed my son even if he was 35 if he needed a meal or a grocery trip if i could afford it. First those saying a beer is like 1-3 dollars what are you talking about maybe in a 6 pack but individually... not here at least. Its his money so regardless of intent he is an adult so if he wants his full paycheck he should have it. Also 40% is way to much imo. At 18 you could be on your own he has no bills or anything (at least not mentioned) so if he is working, not in school yet then lets say he is making only the equivalant of usa 8 an hour (which from my understanding in most other countries the min wage is better then ours I could be wrong. Also even here while 7.25 is fed even in rurual surrounded by nothing but woods in my state I havent seen lower then 15) 35 hrs a week thats 168 even after the 40% take. I feed my 3 person family on a grocery budget of 150 a week for refrence so he should theoretically have money for food. Plus again, he also thought it was a good idea and agreed to this prior. To me, it sounds like he is very obviously paying for things he doesnt need to be. Again I do think he should have access to all his money because its his money. But unless they are also charging him rent and even after learning this arent feeding him even now, ontop of this I dont understand how the parents the asshole. If that is the case yeah again an asshole couldnt imagine not feeding my son at any age let alone under 20 and still at home.
Final story: wild level of entitlement to ask for 10k/loan (with less likelihood of repayment from the siblings). It's unfortunate they cant conceive without intervention but -incredibly- telling they give no consideration to fostering or adoption. People need to realize that there is not an inherent right to children.
The parent taking money out is like my parents when I was first babysitting at 12 we agreed that for smart financial planning when u don’t have expenses that half goes to savings. We did discuss every time they transferred money though. I’m now 23 and we weren’t super consistent with it but it’s helpful. Also they also thought to ween me into adult expenses by taking on certain payments myself first to teach budgeting. It’s super smart. I appreciate it but I only get mad at it when I’m mad at my parents. I think the OP is not the AH. Seems like they’re still paying for most of the kids expenses so giving up some control but gaining more financially is better in my opinion
Story 2- I get what the boys are saying about how she has used her inheritance to better the household, but it sounds like she also made a unilateral decision to stop working and make him the primary wage earner. That needs to be a discussion between partners. It's two yeses or a no. And he has a point that lots of SAHP have side hustles, either to help with household expenses or their hobbies. The guys are right that a SAHP does a LOT of work and saves the household the costs of daycare, but if the cost of daycare is less than the mom was earning, they are still losing money as a household. She needed to talk with him before making the decision to quit working outside the home. And he needs to evaluate whether he would actually want to be a SAHP, or if he just wants to stop working. They are not the same.
In the States, the cost of daycare usually _is not_ less than one salary. Care for infants and toddlers before potty training is astronomically expensive. The last I heard (and this is outdated info) $400/wk for that age group. You didn't take into account the other SAH expenses though: house keeper, personal chef, laundry service, maid... How much do you think they are saving now? If the husband is complaining about working *while still having a mortgage-free home and titles to two new cars,* how likely is it that he's rushing home to vacuum the house, wash and fold laundry, or even just schedule maintenance and track household repairs? Just because she's at home doesn't mean she's not working. If their places were switched, I'm willing to bet she'd still be made to be responsible for most if not all of the domestic labor. I'm in agreement that their whole situation needed to be a discussion between them, but he's still the AH because he's not trying to make the situation better by requesting a redistribution of the domestic labor while his wife picks up work with a side job. He's simply wanting to live the high life, thinking that stay-at-home parenting and domestic labor is "easy."
@TG-jp3tc I'm in agreement that his motivations are highly suspect, and you've already said we agree on them needing to discuss in advance. I'll disagree in a general way about having a SAHP is a money saver for costs beyond daycare. Lots of two parent working households don't pay for meal services, laundry, or house cleaning. Yes, it is wonderful to have a SAHP acting as a property manager in addition to parenting, meals, and cleaning. But unless you would out source those tasks, you're not saving money. We had two kids in daycare and it took up my partner's entire salary. But we knew the salary would grow over time and that wouldn't happen if they were a SAHP. Their career mattered to them, and I was earning significantly more, so we paid for daycare and busted our butts keeping our home clean and managed. You do have a really good point that domestic labor disproportionately falls on women, and OP sounds like he'd off load as many tasks as possible.
S1: This is the children's money because their mother is DEAD. It's no advantage to the other children to have this money, I'm sure they'd rather have their mum back. S2: Euro dollar is the kind of stuff why a lot of people are over the US. If you want to be respectful towards other countries, please don't involve your US specific details like the dollar into anything. It sounds very stupid and US-centered from European standpoint to call it that. Also DE standa for Germany. 😊
The beer kid - I disagree. They said they only asked that they pay for their own food. That sounds like they should be buying their own groceries not always buying their own meals out somewhere. If they were, they’d come home to food. I think it’s a valid lesson to learn and I would only agree that this isn’t OK as a parent if they weren’t giving 100% of what they took back to that child. It doesn’t sound like the parent is asking them to pay for anything like rent or utilities that they use or things like gas. And to say “give it all to them and let them ruin their life” I mean… what? The fact that their child is still living with them, at 18, means that they are attempting to help them, which means if they throw all of their money down the drain, they would be forced to either let them be homeless or take care of them in full. I don’t think that’s how things should work on either end. If he chose to buy beer instead of their groceries, then that’s a sign they wouldn’t be using their full paycheck well anyways. Also, I don’t think it’s fair for you guys to have an opinion on this being minimum wage without OP saying it was minimum wage. Context definitely matters but without it, you should only be having an opinion on the overall situation, which is “am I the asshole for taking a cut of my child paycheck to help them make sure they have money for college.” A lot of Reddit TH-camrs get lost in details that are assumed to decide their verdict. 😅
OP leeching off his wife's inheritance needs to be divorced. He's fine with her buying him a new car, a house, cushioning his retirement and providing him with free childcare but he's not okay with buying his wife clothing or getting a haircut "If she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc". Also not a fan of the way he talks about his wife's struggles. "Her mental health became pretty bad and she has a *minor* disability that makes work life a *little* hard". I hope his wife sold the car she bought for him and funded herself a divorce lawyer
35:56 The Delu-sean (delusion) is real with this one. Charging your child for food when they are still legally your responsibility is child abuse, imo. Period. EDIT: Thank goodness he switched his opinion!
I would never charge my kid for food. He sounds responsible enough. He's working a job and got into college. The dad sounds delusional at best and financially abusive at worst
exactly, why are you making him pay for something that you are supposed to provide him??? you're not teaching him to be responsible, you're shedding that responsibility off yourself
He's basically parenting himself while the parent just takes his money. Ffs. Started doing it while 15! That's wild and hella illegal. 🥴🤦🏽♀️ Smh. Pathetic father he is.
30:56 Not the AH for taking a percentage of his work money to put away for college, but ABSOLUTELY the AH for not giving your underage son food when he doesn't have enough money to feed himself. Like WTF?!
I agree with this one wholeheartedly!!! I was torn about it at first cuz it’s good to help them learn to save but not feeding your kid!!!! What!?!?
That was so weird to me, too! Do they not have food and meals at home that he can have?
Yes, when I was a teen making money, I had to start buying some of my own stuff. I bought some of my own toiletries, esp if I wanted fancier than my Mom's basic. 😂 Also some clothing if I wanted additional to my parents providing basic, necessary clothing. Oh yeah, books, too. I was a big reader and liked owning some books even though we made good use of the library.
But food????
Sure, things like, if I wanted to go for fast food with my friends, that was my choice to use my money for that. But I could still have dinner at home, instead.
I do wish my parents taught me saving, better. They talked about it abstractly but one of my friend's Mom took 10% of ANY money they got, gifts, everything and put it in accounts for them. By the time they were getting out of the house and she turned those accounts over to them, they saw and understand how much it had built up. And were also used to just always putting at least 10% away from any paycheck or even gifts.
So some of THAT I think is a good idea.
But I am really stuck on this food thing, too. Especially if they live there together, does nobody cook in that house, did they teach him to cook?? So weird.
He should charge him market rate for his room
Will easily take 75 percent of his money. Let him exp real life
23:45 Oh HELL no. If OP wants to be like that then he can return the car, get out the house his wife paid for, and give back whatever she added to his retirement 🤷♀️
True. He sounds so coddled and entitled.
The husband that refuses to pay for his wife's expenses is trying to punish her for staying home and make him work. He is on the path of financial abuse, especially when he disregards her efforts and her inheritance as meaningful contributions
I was thinking the same thing. Actually, he is already financially abusive, by refusing her clothing and haircuts etc.
Dude with wife with inheritance, wife needs to charge him the monthly payments for house and car. Then she has spending money, and he can understand bills
What I have learned from these reddit stories is that I will never entangle my finances with anyone else.
It kinda sounds like beer guy lives in Europe just based off the price talk, like in some countries in Europe, you can easily find cheap beer for 1 euro, and since they were on sale im guessing the two beers cost him less than 3 euros total so personally i think his dads logic is weird. He's old enough to work for his money and pay for his food but not old enough to have two beers on sale after work without his dad getting up in his shit
I was thinking the same thing because in eastern Europe beer was cheaper than water when I visited. But he does call it "college" which is an American term for what they call "University" afaik. Also, he thinks he's doing his son a favor by setting aside the money he earns, but is basically taking his money from him by making him pay for food when he should be paying for him until he goes to college at least. He's not getting the food money he's spending on food back!
Story 3- very similar to my experience. However, I didn't get any help towards Uni. I had 3 part time minimum wage jobs from 14. When I got to 16 my parents asked for £20 per week whilst I was in college (UK) for 'board' then got to 18 - Uni and working full time hours afterwards- £400pm. Did my Teaching degree at 21 whilst working full time. £400pm and suddenly, I had to buy my own food, do my own laundry (not allowed to use the washing machine or oven at home) as well.
Then got asked all the time 'WHY AREN'T YOU DRIVING YET?! ' 'Why are you never home?!' 'Why do you stay at work after hours every night and have drinks?' Like, 1. I have no money left for lessons- because I am paying for transport, rent, food and laundry to get through this degree. 2. Because I'm fed at work for free. 3. Because the drinks are free when I'm working 8hr shifts after teaching for 8 hours and travelling 2 hours a day.
Then I was disobedient and selfish for getting depression and being stressed because I 'treat this house like a hotel' A hotel would have been cheaper.
I moved out at 22 when I got into my career, paid £450pm for rent, freedom and then £300pm bills. Still had more money left than being at home each month.
Now my parents say 'you have so much money, you're doing well, you and *partner* are raking it in' 'you've always been so independent' BECAUSE THE ALTERNATIVE was to be scruffy, starving and sad all the time.
That dad is the asshole. Full stop.
Story 4:
I used to have the same rules with my parents. 20% of every paycheck would go into my college account. I absolutely HATED it at the time but it did teach me a lot about saving and now I have a large savings at 27 compared to my friends because I kept doing it. However, I never had to pay any other bills (outside of my car) or for food while in school. I can’t imagine having 40% taken out while working limited hours and going to school. The dad is TA. He’s not hearing his son when he says that this agreement isn’t working anymore.
I worked in high school and my parents never set money aside for me, but I managed to save up plenty of money on my own *because* they were covering my basic needs. I'd spend money on food when I was out with friends and it taught me to be careful with spending without the whole *no food at home* thing. That one commenter was so right about how it's doing the opposite of teaching him responsibility because he's not actually helping his son learn to balance his budget.
That guy needs to start paying his wife rent on the house that SHE paid for
The one with the wife who couldn't find her ex sounds SO familiar. I've heard if people claiming this and it turned out they were lying. Either they already found them and was putting the child support into a secret account or they didn't actually know who the baby daddy was at the time. Something isn't right there and I hope OP looks into it.
Yeah, even my ex who was working under the table could still be found through his other family members. If a private investigator still couldn't find him, it either means the ex is homeless or he's dead. If none of his family have seen him since the divorced, it makes me think she's off'd him.
Oh hell nah to the 2nd story! I wouldve peed in the plants, spit in the champagne and food, then for the cherry on top id lick every goddamn single piece or loaf of bread while maintaning eye contact then, id grab my man and say "im done with your bs peace im out assholes"! Screw that i wouldnt let anyone use me 😂😂
DE is actually (most likely) germany. germany is called deutschland in german and that is their country abbreviation :)
Yes! Denmark would most likely be DK 😅 I have not ever heard someone referring to Denmark as DE 🤷🏼♀️😂
Came here to mention DE = Germany. But you taught me why. That's a fun fact.
@@stephanielund12 Denmark do not use euros because we got an exemption from using the common currency.
As a Dane, I was offended by that mistake, we are not Germans.
But hey, could be worse, getting mistaken for Swede is much worse.
@@ElisaSarah As a German, I feel like there are lots of other things you can be offended by than someone mistaking the German abbreviation for yours....?
Also, the parent in the third one really needs to take a step back and look at the situation as a whole. Thats still their child even if hes 18, the whole only having money for breakfast and two beers, taking 40% of his pay and telling him he has to pay for pretty much everything himself since he was 15 it sounds like is waaayy obverboard. The kid is only 18 technically still a teenager so its up to the parents to feed and house him, sure you can ask for a little help here and there but to take his money under the premise of it going to his college fund is bs. It should be put just under savings for his life so who knows if he even wants to go to college depending where they live it may be too expensive or he just doesnt know yet but come on broffesor help the poor kid out! Im so glad i was taught financially responsibility at an early age and also that we were taught it in junior high and high school it was a whole damn class five days a week and made up a big part of our grades it was nice but damn do i feel old now!😂 love this pod, the wikimaniacs and yall including spouses and furbabies yall are the best!
Dad is a total arsehole. At bare minimum feed you kid. The son does not sound ok with his wage being 'taxed' and the college find thing sounds like BS.
@@helendrew3640I agree the dad sounds like our government jdc
I’m pissed about the wife that went behind the husband’s back and took money out of their joint account. She betrayed his trust when they agreed at the START of the marriage that they would have equal say. And since she doesn’t work, that is technically all of his money he made for their family that she’s throwing at whatever. He gave her the solution of matching her “fun money” and she refused. He realized he made a mistake when he made the money inaccessible to her after she wouldn’t budge or renege on her decision to give her sister money, and tried to compromise, and she refused. They went to counseling and she still refused to see his POV. She sounds like a brat and honestly she deserves not a cent in the divorce but she’s going to get something because that’s how the law works. Paying 100% of monthly living expenses for relatives that don’t live with you is absolutely absurd, I don’t care if it’s her sister. The in-laws can keep up with job hunting or supplement their expenses with unemployment, but expecting an all expense paid gravy train from OP is ridiculous. “Financial abuse”, pffft. Not in the slightest. If it was financial abuse OP was intending to do to her, he wouldn’t have caved so easily to reversing his decision because of Reddit.
It's not all of "his" money. Housework is still work, even if it doesn't get paid, so she's contributing her part. Saying it's all of HIS money is creating a huge inequality and power imbalance in the partnership. Yes, she shouldn't have taken it. But if they agreed on a joint bank account, then it's her money as much as it is his, and even though she did behave the way she did, of course she should still get paid in divorce if she stayed at home for him. It's harder to find a job the older you get, especially if you haven't worked for a long time. No matter how rude she was, she doesn't deserve to fall into poverty for this like so many other women do. This is why it's so so dangerous to choose to be a trad wife.
Josh's side comments at the end sent me 😂
Also, congrats on being married! I saw the pics you guys posted on the row insta and you all looked beautiful! I wish you guys all the best!
Thank you so much! We had an amazing time! 😊
6 bucks for a beer??? That's crazy!
50:46 impact or not, it's about the principle! Even if she took 50 bucks. She can just do whatever she likes. If it were the other way around?
This is my first time being able to watch since Hurricane Helene hit Western NC. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face during this terrible time❤
The last story. If the SIL had both her ovaries removed, how is she going to have biological children? Maybe she harvested the eggs and froze them unfertilized. This is very expensive and I definitely wouldn't take the loan out.
11:51 😂😂😂 that’s my reaction too!! Beautiful!
1:01:38 how we gonna pay for the medical expenses of pregnancy and birth none the less raising a child for 18+ years if it does work?
That's not western countries. In Germany parents have to pay for their children until they learned a trade, finished their studies or hit 27.
Sean admitting to killing plants when he dies his best is kind of wholesome
You can get a beer for less than 2 dollars. Food is very expensive and its on purpose to get people to buy them just like he did. The government knows what theyre doing and he fell right into it
I love how josh was still present through the editing 😂
Damn, my kid complained about having to give me $5 once a week to take them to & from work everyday. I can only imagine the fit that would’ve been thrown had I tried to take 40% of their pay; even if they were getting it back at some point.
35:21 If the son left with enough to even eat food (yes beers can be less expensive than meals, at least in my area it is) then the OP really needs to sit down and reevaluate this money taking plan of his. Plus having him pay for his own food is insane to me, if I was Op I’d keep regular groceries in the home & if the son wanted anything extra he’d have to buy it himself. That way no one has to sink so low as to drink or sleep in order to temporarily not feel hungry, I’ve been through hunger pains before & I wouldn’t want my child going through that.
I work at a corner store the cheap beer is like less than $2 with tax
okay so the story with charging your kid for food? making your kid pay for food is ridiculous. but that aside, the method itself just doesn’t work. i was raised with helicopter parents who took some of my checks and all it taught me was that i hate getting my check taken. so when i moved out, my account was constantly negative for the first few months. i didn’t start getting better with finances until my mom sat down with me every two weeks to reexamine my check and go through upcoming bills for the next two weeks. now i can plan expenses on my own.
For the paycheck dad, that's craaaazy that he's suddenly in charge of buying all of his food.
Maybe pay for EXTRA food, like going to fast-food. He should have the option of packing a lunch at home, and eating breakfast before he leaves the house.
He should be learning budgeting and buying his extras, but being completely in charge of his own survival - so much so that he's freaking out and drinking - is unhinged parenting. L dad 🤡👎
PS no one said he was drinking and driving. He drinks after work, but that doesn't mean it's before he gets home.
I didn’t even need to fundraise money to get pregnant and I can tell you the birth itself was way too expensive. And emergencies can and do happen after having kids and then you will need to have your own credit to fall back on because kids are expennsssiiiiiivvvvveeee and the US healthcare system sucks.
I know the wife was out of line but i agree with the commenter who said he took a scorch the earth approach. I would never do what she did but if my husband took away my access to our money and then came home to tell me afterwards like im a child on punishment under his care yeah no right or wrong im good. Also why id love to be a stay at home mom but would never
I just wanna put it out there that you people give me hope that there are still real, committed, loyal men with a sound mind who can make really good decisions and know the difference between what's right and wrong. The way you all treat your significant other and put them on a pedestal is heartwarming. They are the luckiest. I was literally a man hater before I was introduced to your podcast on Spotify. I advocate for SA'd victims all the time and you have no idea how almost all MEN are absolutely disgusting when they put out their opinion on r@pe and domestic V. Thank you for restoring my fate in men, there's only a few of you guys, I'd like to stumble into one, one day💗💗💗 (not related to this video but it's been on my mind for a while)
Big agree; if her inheritance allows you both to live rent/mortgage-free and he is struggling to justify working I can see where there's resentment to deal with. Get therapy because that rarely just goes away and buried resentment is insidious when it shows up. But the freedom she has provided gives so many options! Go to school to get the job you love or apply for one that gives the perks that make your lives easier, etc but seriously find something that brings you happiness. Deal with resentment. Mentioning she made more money when she did work while invalidating it with "but only slightly" proves it's already there. And she may want to go back to work once the baby isn't a baby. Looking at the situation like it's forever is a relationship killer. YYeahhh, I hesitate to say YTA because it's all fixable, but dude--grow up. You're a Dad now.
OMG THE INTRO 🤣 This is now the episode I'm gonna send to people to make them discover the podcast. THAT WAS THE BEST INTRO EVER 🤣
OP needs to make a full invoice of the expenses and time spent. they probably still wont pay up, but they wont be able to say OP didnt do anything
even though I didn’t earn all my money when I was 17-18, I managed all my expenses, now I am in my 20s, and with all that experience I can say that food some times takes 40-50% of budget. Good healthy food is expensive. Charging your underage son for that is cruel
In regards to the last story:
It's actually really easy to help someone (or to have someone help you) improve their credit score.
Have their name added to your good-standing credit card, but don't give them a card for their use. Your credit score will affect theirs. the same applies to when you are added to someone else's card. The larger and better maintained the card, the more it will benefit. This is a great way to start your kids out will good credit--or apparently to help your brother and sister-in-law have a baby :)
Wow, Texas's minimum wage is $7.75? Granted I live in a ridiculous place with ridiculous prices, but in Washington State, my teenagers make over $17 because that's minimum wage here. I knew the federal minimum was that low, but I thought all the states would be above that - don't get me wrong it being high is NOT working out here, but it was shocking to hear the minimum wage like that!
*The wife just handing over $3,000 is absolutely fkn W I L D!!* I'm with the dude on this one. NTA at ALL. lmfaooOoo. You don't owe the sister anything. 😅 Gtfoh 💀
Also, if you *can't afford* IVF, that means you can't afford children. Children are not free toys. You HAVE to pay for them. They are struggling* to getting the money for what they want now, just imagine a child entering that nonsense. 🥴
When I was 20 i gave half my paycheck to my mom and she would take it and put it into savings for me. I moved out at 24 and the money that was set aside helped me get and furnish my first apartment.
I think that Money Dad should still help him with food since he’s living at home and it would be one less thing to worry about. The kid is replacing food with booze and as Nathan Explosion said “It ain’t food”
56:44 yeah coz on paper she can manipulate her way into making people think that she's been financially abused. When it is her that abused him. The dude even realized that to actually have an equal say she needs to be included in the bank to have a say, just as much as he does. Yet she doesn't want that. She wants him to be an atm. And she's the one who financially abused him in the first place by drawing money without his consent when he had the power to actually lord it over her, but he never did that. He never went against the verbal agreement. It is her, who broke his trust and she should be divorced by him. Leave her dusty, abusive ass. Good for him for finally getting rid of that asshole!
I want Sean on a dollar... I'll open my wallet and see his face and it'll have the same energy as Everybody Hates Chris
story 1- lesson is stop trying to be nice. try to be a fair person. because its like we all grow a backbone. you allowed that person to use you. we live & learn.
De is Germany, DK is Denmark. Also Denmark, while being member of EU, has an exemption from using euros.
That was the late wife's money, it has nothing to do with the new wife and her kids. It's not the kid's fault their mother died. Does the new wife also want part of the kid's social security survivor benefits?
36:37 40%?!? wtf??
35:56 18 in two provinces, 19 for the rest
".de" is Germany aka Deutschland. ".dk" is Denmark, and Donkey Kong.
35:33 … why wouldn’t the parent help pay for the kid’s food? They still live with them? Work on a compromise like “hey, I’d like you to cook x amount of times a week.” Learn a new skill but then they don’t have to be hungry.
48:18 The wife is ridiculous in this story. She essentially stole from her partner after he even offered to take his own fun money to match hers, but she just went and did whatever she wanted to. She's the AH
She had the nerve to cry “financial abuse”. Like, No one is stopping you from getting a job and using the money you make to help with your sister’s expenses, honey!!! Instead you’re going to use the money your husband has worked hard for to sink both your and your sister’s ships. It’s the principle of dispensing grain among a starving people. In some cases you see people, when given a month supply, give half to another. Both families end up starving regardless because the budgeted grain was only enough to sustain a single family. Similar situation here. If the wife keeps giving the sister money, it’s going to eat away at OP’s earned savings and their future will eventually be in dire straits.
A BEER IS A DOLLAR LOL
Some Beer can cost as low as $2 at the corner store. I know cause I have family members who drinks a 6 pack for breakfast and it's disgusting
DE is usually Germany.
DA or DK is Denmark.
My source? I am danish, born and raised.
43:05 you weren’t lucky you were B blessed❤
You should NEVER use food like this. No one chooses to go hungry. Parent is definitely overstepping and taking too much. This is abuse. Also not to sound like an AH myself but to suggest to buy takeout/fast food to a growing teenager as all their meals is not sound advice nor is it the best idea financially speaking.
Canada’s drinking age is 19 in most provinces.
Drinking age is 18 in New Zealand
The part of the husband cutting off access to savings where I do see him as the AH is that he took ALL of their savings. That is esentially trapping her to do what he wants or not have access to more than fun money which doesn’t give her the possibility to leave if she needs to which is a common tactic used by financial abusers. It very much seems like that wasn’t his intent and if it was supposed to be both of their money he should have taken out the portion that was “only his” but left her access to the rest. But splitting future savings for joint future decisions is already pretty damning of the relationships future so idk if it would have made all that much of a difference. She definitely shouldn’t have taken the money out without asking and should have tried to find another compromise but it seems like with both partners putting their foot down with no room to collaborate their marriage is pretty doomed. Sorry OP that sucks.
Wait a minute. OP says he tales a percentage and then says he doesn't know how much the kid makes but it's not so little that he can't afford food. How can he take a percentage when he doesn't know how much the total is. Sounds like OP.has been taking a flat rate regardless of how much the kid makes or how many hours they get.
34:30 $6 for a beer!?! Maybe at the bar lmao. Hell no they’re like between $1-3 depending on where you’re at. A whole 6 pack is around $6. Gotta say the dad is the asshole cause 2 beers cost much less than a meal, and if he’s only able to eat by paying for his own food and can only afford breakfast then he’s essentially starving his son til he goes to college
When I was 17, I got on goverment assisted pay to help me look for work after I graduated high school. My mum got me to start paying her $60 towards rent. I was getting just under $300 every fortnight (2 weeks) and I had no sense or awareness of saving my money because no one had taught me that. So it was really hard to learn how to budget and save. I'm now 26 and I'm still struggling to save and budget.
The OP is 100% the ahole. I understand he has good intentions. But what if his son doesn't want to go to college? What if he's struggling financially, and drinking is just easier to fill his belly than spending money on food that might only feed him for a few days or so.
It also appears that the son is getting no say in any of this. His money is getting taken from him and he's finally getting fed up with it. It started when he was 15! Like are you kidding me. You should have taught him about budgeting and saving, not making the decision to take a percentage of his pay to save for a college fund that YOU should be financially providing for. Why can't you put a percentage away from your pay slip for his college fund?
You put a financial stress and burden on your child at a young age and didn't think it would have a negative outcome. That is on you. Give him his money and let him decide what he wants to do with it. How is he meant to live his life, make mistakes, learn from them and grow if you dont give him the chance to make his own decisions.
How is he meant to learn to grow up and learn to live without you if you are financially abusing him
charging your kid for food is absolutely insane next thing what? he's gonna charge his kid for rent? you chose to bring this person to the world you should be providing him the basic to live the kid is being as responsable as a 18yo can be, idk I don't like this parent
Canada is generally 18 for drinking but some provinces are 19 like British Columbia
Ontario is also 19
Most provinces are 19 - I think Alberta and Quebec are the only ones with 18
Taking a percentage out of the son's paycheck to "save" is such a terribad idea but because of how fafsa works (if they're in the States). Unless you can save a full ride amount all you're doing is ducking them out of student loans/grants. Literally even 10k of savings in the student's name can mean they can't even get government student loans. Speaking from experience. Esp since the kid is likely making min wage or near it, that 40% is not going to be enough to appreciably pay for college and 60% after taxes might would be stretched thin to cover food and gas (speaking from college experience where rent was like 40% of my income). Like how soul sucking. And not keeping food at home the kid can eat?? Jesus.
Story #1 lol 😂 due to “inflation “
Also not the asshoe
I know it's a long shot, but will DECORUM merch ever be back? I'm a SAHM and I work 2 days a week to help cover bills so money is tight but I really want a Decorum shirt or hoodie
DE is Deutschland aka Germany. Denmark is DK. And please stop with the Euro Dollar!!!
the husband in 3rd story is like "i'm so tired of working i wanna stay home too😔" & bro works a 9-5 5 days a week job. be fr
happy wife happy life sucker
To be fair I'm disabled so i only work 15-20 hours a week. But i live in alberta, canada so i make 15$ as minimum wage. But still, i pay a chunk for rent as I live with my mom and then i also pay my own phone bill, health necessities, gas, insurance, etc. The only thing i dont pay for is food for meals, i pay for my own snacks. I think its really strange to expect your son to be thrown into adulthood paying and making for his own meals but you cant give him the same respect to drink like an adult. I think its ridiculous to throw your son into that, maybe spend some time getting him used to learning how to cook for himself and budget if youre expecting him to move out once he goes to college. But if hes planning to continue living there while attending college, i think maybe a portion for rent is good but give him some food.
Not rich (at all) but I do everything I can for my (very young) daughter to have the best opportunities. I'm saving whatever I can to help for when the day comes were she wants to buy a home. If I die and some other person felt entitled to use the money meant for my daughter I would haunt that B ass. 👻😈
European dollars? 😂😂 Leave whatever those are at home. 😅 If you visit Norway you could use Norwegian Kroner, but 99% of Norwegians pay with their debit card. Don't know about tourists but using anything other than card to pay is too much hazel. 😅 I can't remember the last time I didn't just tap my phone.
43:53 - Even without knowing the actual amount that was taken out of the joint account without OP's knowledge, I still would've sided with OP no matter what. Why? Because inflation is a pain in the butt!
Stuff that used to be affordable back then are now expensive as hell and at times like this it really feels like you're trading an arm and a leg just to afford rent and groceries for at least a week before you end up having to cut expenses that are needed to live just to get by from paycheck to paycheck. While I personally never had to go through this myself, that doesn't mean that I can't at least be sympathetic about it and side with an OP in any story that involves budgeting because budgeting in the modern era we are in is not as easy as it used to be.
So the fact that people are even questioning OP at all makes no sense to me whatsoever. Everyone and their grandmother knows you need love and trust to build a foundation for a healthy marriage and if you remove trust out of the equation then the marriage will break and turn into dust fast due to the simple fact that love will NOT and CANNOT fix everything no matter what.
I seriously hope that OP had signed a prenup before getting married because I wouldn't be surprised if OP's wife tries to get a divorce just to take more money from OP.
Edit: Wow. I wished I watched the rest of this story because now I am REALLY hoping that OP doesn't get screwed over during divorce.
Can I just say in defense of the guys that the whole Euro Dollar thing is just a joke, it was said by mistake and now it’s just stuck because it’s stupid. I completely understand why it’s disrespectful in mostly all situations but they aren’t trying to be, it was a word-flub.
DE is Deutschland so Germany
Can someone explain to me what "pony pinoy" means? English is not my first language :(
It's punny pinoy because John makes a lot of puns and pinoy relates to the Philippines, where John is from.
For beer son, why is op saying he doubts that his son doesn’t make enough to feed himself? Shouldn’t you know? Shouldn’t you be able to put it in the post? Op seems like a liar. Idk.
If you’re underaged, you can only work part time. That’s already not a lot. Children also need you to teach them how to shop and budget. Op just sounds really dismissive. I wonder what else son has to pay for that isn’t considered by op.
Btw I made almost 2k working part time in Orange County, CA and still struggled. I only paid for food, clothes, gas, and toiletries.
I am in a majority on story 3. Sounds like they didnt even know he wasnt eating so I dont think starving was intended or known. Dont get me wrong if after finding out they arent making sure he is getting food yeah they are the asshole and that does seem to be what is tieing everyone up. Id feed my son even if he was 35 if he needed a meal or a grocery trip if i could afford it. First those saying a beer is like 1-3 dollars what are you talking about maybe in a 6 pack but individually... not here at least. Its his money so regardless of intent he is an adult so if he wants his full paycheck he should have it. Also 40% is way to much imo. At 18 you could be on your own he has no bills or anything (at least not mentioned) so if he is working, not in school yet then lets say he is making only the equivalant of usa 8 an hour (which from my understanding in most other countries the min wage is better then ours I could be wrong. Also even here while 7.25 is fed even in rurual surrounded by nothing but woods in my state I havent seen lower then 15) 35 hrs a week thats 168 even after the 40% take. I feed my 3 person family on a grocery budget of 150 a week for refrence so he should theoretically have money for food. Plus again, he also thought it was a good idea and agreed to this prior. To me, it sounds like he is very obviously paying for things he doesnt need to be. Again I do think he should have access to all his money because its his money. But unless they are also charging him rent and even after learning this arent feeding him even now, ontop of this I dont understand how the parents the asshole. If that is the case yeah again an asshole couldnt imagine not feeding my son at any age let alone under 20 and still at home.
Ashley sounds like my partner’s ex wife. Just incapable of being reasonable or wrong. Ugh. 🙄
God that Europe Dollar thing is annoying.
Really enjoyed the video over all though.
Final story: wild level of entitlement to ask for 10k/loan (with less likelihood of repayment from the siblings). It's unfortunate they cant conceive without intervention but -incredibly- telling they give no consideration to fostering or adoption. People need to realize that there is not an inherent right to children.
The parent taking money out is like my parents when I was first babysitting at 12 we agreed that for smart financial planning when u don’t have expenses that half goes to savings. We did discuss every time they transferred money though. I’m now 23 and we weren’t super consistent with it but it’s helpful. Also they also thought to ween me into adult expenses by taking on certain payments myself first to teach budgeting. It’s super smart. I appreciate it but I only get mad at it when I’m mad at my parents. I think the OP is not the AH. Seems like they’re still paying for most of the kids expenses so giving up some control but gaining more financially is better in my opinion
not that my credit is any good, but i wouldn't think twize about saying yes to taking out a loan for my sibling, they've done so much for me
Story 2- I get what the boys are saying about how she has used her inheritance to better the household, but it sounds like she also made a unilateral decision to stop working and make him the primary wage earner. That needs to be a discussion between partners. It's two yeses or a no. And he has a point that lots of SAHP have side hustles, either to help with household expenses or their hobbies. The guys are right that a SAHP does a LOT of work and saves the household the costs of daycare, but if the cost of daycare is less than the mom was earning, they are still losing money as a household.
She needed to talk with him before making the decision to quit working outside the home. And he needs to evaluate whether he would actually want to be a SAHP, or if he just wants to stop working. They are not the same.
In the States, the cost of daycare usually _is not_ less than one salary. Care for infants and toddlers before potty training is astronomically expensive. The last I heard (and this is outdated info) $400/wk for that age group.
You didn't take into account the other SAH expenses though: house keeper, personal chef, laundry service, maid... How much do you think they are saving now?
If the husband is complaining about working *while still having a mortgage-free home and titles to two new cars,* how likely is it that he's rushing home to vacuum the house, wash and fold laundry, or even just schedule maintenance and track household repairs? Just because she's at home doesn't mean she's not working. If their places were switched, I'm willing to bet she'd still be made to be responsible for most if not all of the domestic labor.
I'm in agreement that their whole situation needed to be a discussion between them, but he's still the AH because he's not trying to make the situation better by requesting a redistribution of the domestic labor while his wife picks up work with a side job. He's simply wanting to live the high life, thinking that stay-at-home parenting and domestic labor is "easy."
@TG-jp3tc I'm in agreement that his motivations are highly suspect, and you've already said we agree on them needing to discuss in advance.
I'll disagree in a general way about having a SAHP is a money saver for costs beyond daycare. Lots of two parent working households don't pay for meal services, laundry, or house cleaning. Yes, it is wonderful to have a SAHP acting as a property manager in addition to parenting, meals, and cleaning. But unless you would out source those tasks, you're not saving money. We had two kids in daycare and it took up my partner's entire salary. But we knew the salary would grow over time and that wouldn't happen if they were a SAHP. Their career mattered to them, and I was earning significantly more, so we paid for daycare and busted our butts keeping our home clean and managed.
You do have a really good point that domestic labor disproportionately falls on women, and OP sounds like he'd off load as many tasks as possible.
S1: This is the children's money because their mother is DEAD. It's no advantage to the other children to have this money, I'm sure they'd rather have their mum back.
S2: Euro dollar is the kind of stuff why a lot of people are over the US. If you want to be respectful towards other countries, please don't involve your US specific details like the dollar into anything. It sounds very stupid and US-centered from European standpoint to call it that. Also DE standa for Germany. 😊
DE in Europa should be Germany ("DEutschland").
And as a European I really wish you would stop with the Europe Dollar. It's not funny but belittling.
I'm sorry but that's dramatic. You could say it's annoying, like baby talk is, but to say it's demeaning is ridiculous.
It's a joke, and he's making fun of himself.
The beer kid - I disagree. They said they only asked that they pay for their own food.
That sounds like they should be buying their own groceries not always buying their own meals out somewhere. If they were, they’d come home to food.
I think it’s a valid lesson to learn and I would only agree that this isn’t OK as a parent if they weren’t giving 100% of what they took back to that child.
It doesn’t sound like the parent is asking them to pay for anything like rent or utilities that they use or things like gas.
And to say “give it all to them and let them ruin their life” I mean… what? The fact that their child is still living with them, at 18, means that they are attempting to help them, which means if they throw all of their money down the drain, they would be forced to either let them be homeless or take care of them in full.
I don’t think that’s how things should work on either end.
If he chose to buy beer instead of their groceries, then that’s a sign they wouldn’t be using their full paycheck well anyways.
Also, I don’t think it’s fair for you guys to have an opinion on this being minimum wage without OP saying it was minimum wage.
Context definitely matters but without it, you should only be having an opinion on the overall situation, which is “am I the asshole for taking a cut of my child paycheck to help them make sure they have money for college.”
A lot of Reddit TH-camrs get lost in details that are assumed to decide their verdict. 😅