UNOFFICIAL "FEMALE AUTISM" LIST (SAMANTHA CRAFT'S LIST)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ก.ย. 2024
- This video shares Samantha Craft's Unofficial List for what Autism may look like in Females (***or anyone with Autism) according to Samantha Craft's list. We know that you either have Autism or you do not, and that even though this list created by Samantha Craft was written to describe how it might present in females, there are many other individuals who may relate to this presentation. I am just providing it as it was written and created.
Here is the link: www.myspectrums...
While this list is NOT meant to be a diagnostic tool nor to replace the DSM 5's criteria (and some believe the list is too generalized), given the extremely limited amount of research on ASD populations that include females and afab's, as well as people of color, this list has been historically very helpful for many of those in the ASD community as a tool to guide FURTHER research and information which may help guide those desiring to understand neurodivergent resources and support.
*FOR MORE INFORMATION ONLINE COURSES AND FREE CHECKLIST:
www.drsagehelp...
**************************
Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!**
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents (due to state licensing and insurance requirements for myself) for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
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This list hits uncomfortably close to home. It's weird growing up feeling completely isolated and misunderstood and then finding out there's an entire archetype. It's comforting and discomforting simultaneously.
Couldn't have said it better myself. My feelings exactly.
What archetype?
@@sharonvaldez9059 the one described in the video
My thoughts exactly.
That fits perfectly. Accurately stated.
I am a fifty year old woman of colour and I only discovered I was autistic earlier this year. Even though I knew I was autistic this list shocked me with its accuracy, I am astounded. I said yes to every single point except a few. Thank you for this video. It’s challenging dealing with such a late in life diagnosis. Especially because it can appear invisible to others. Trying to relearn how to care for myself after a lifetime is tough.
Can I ask- how did you go about getting diagnosed? Did you just find a local therapist or psychiatrist? I’m 25 but also resonated with the majority of things on this list - I’m looking to get a professional opinion
Autistic older people who were diagnosed very late, we should unite! I knew I was autistic and said so long ago to a shrink. He LAUGHED at me and patted me on the head and this infuriates me to this day. I just needed to know, to hear what was "wrong" with me, bc it didn't fit neatly into the other categories they tried to shove me into. It took way too long for me to get confirmation. I'm with you, it is harder. But it is what it is. I hope you're doing okay today.
Hopefully you find peace and people who care and understand you. I am not ready for a diagnosis but my daughter is diagnosed. You are heard.. ❤
q+
@@haze7972Ujjain*ìo 20:03 ❤❤❤
I have so many typical autism traits, but I discussed with my therapist that I can't be autistic because I'm so incredibly sensitive to other's feelings. I wasn't that way at all as a child, but I'm now hypersensitive to people's changes in body language and expression when I may have said something upsetting without realizing it. I love writing but hate speaking because I need time to reconsider my words and the possible reactions to them. If I don't have time to filter, I make people mad or sad, and then I notice their feelings and I hate myself for getting it wrong again. I analyze data like nobody else, I plan and strategize very well so I produce perfect work, but verbal communication is a major shortcoming that hinders success in both professional and personal relationships. The effort exhausts me so I isolate when possible and feel anxious when I have to follow through on social plans. I prefer fun activities that don't require a lot of thought sharing or discussion. I usually think way deeper about things than people care to understand so I'll come off as weird if taken beyond the annoying small talk. I'm high masking and fun in active settings, but I've trained myself how to behave through watching other people who are liked. I smile a lot, lift my brows, listen, use the facial expressions that show interest even if I'm so mentally checked out that I don't know what the person is talking about. Then I go home, turn off my phone, and sleep for many hours because I'm so drained from the masking labor. What a life!
Sounds like some cptsd in there... hypersensitive to others emotions, but not as a child... Sounds like trauma response. Hope that helps
this is literally autism. people with autism are highly sensitive to others, who told you that is not the case? it seems your therapist knows nothing about it if they agreed with you...
You described me exactly 😢
Hyper empathy is common in Autism. Not all Autistics have Alexithymia which is emotional blindness.
I have always been hypersensitive to others and their emotions. Had a therapist for 10 years and she always said I was just hypersensitive. Autism never came up but this was 10 years ago
I'll pay anything for just one hour on the phone with you. Because you understand, you describe yourself and you are so like me. I'm crying seeing you cry because I have had your feelings and experiences being described. I'm overwhelmed like I just woke up from an illusion.
I don't know where to turn. I'm a 62 year old man diagnosed as bipolar 20 years ago. I was a senior executive with a 40,000 person corporation. Now I live on ssdi and a small investment income.
Almost everything on this list is me. I certainly have cptsd. Although I present as very masculine I've always felt like a woman emotionally.
Now, I know I'm not bipolar as diagnosed. Not surprising, meds have never worked, but for anxiety meds.
I old an alone. I'm crying hard now because I see my life would have been so different had i known what I just learned. There's no doubt. I suffer from 95 percent of the things on your list. This is me. You described me. I don't know how to deal with this, I lost half my life.
I need a referral.
You can’t be a woman emotionally. You’re an entire man, end of discussion. Men are extremely emotional. Their emotions tend to show up as anger and rage a little more than crying and they are also socialized to stifle their emotions and not be taught to self-regulate by releasing emotions in a healthy way by talking to people or crying.
He could have a feminine temperment which broadly speaking is being high in negative emotion and high in agreeableness. It doesnt mean he is any less of a man. Jordan Peterson has spoken on this
Don't let these people tell you what you are or aren't...follow what you know to be true. I'm 64 years old and recently diagnosed. It made me wish I had a do-over for my life.
Feeling like a woman emotionally as you put it sounds like programming from trauma. "Only girls cry" , which gave you these confusing thoughts. Teal swan has some videos about the divine masculine that may help you sort that stuff out. Good luck. It's never too late, as long as you're breathing, to start a second life.
Hallo Rob, I hope you are feeling a whole lot better a year on. I recently self-diagnosed at 70, and feel confident the rest of my years will be easier than previously now I know what is going on. All the best.
I am a late diagnosed autistic and when I stumbled on this list a month or two back I read it out to my husband. His comments were that he felt a small amount of it applied to me but not much of it. I agree that not all of it does, but most of it is a perfect description of me and what I deal with.
To me, this was another example of how much work autistic people have to put in to just existing, and how little ‘normal’ people recognise and appreciate the challenges we face. So much goes on that isn’t seen or taken into account for us and we’re expected, yes, expected to keep up, without showing our quirks or how exhausted we are because it bothers them to see it. Normal people can cope, so we should be able to cope the same too. Sadly, it doesn’t work like that and I really wish more people were aware of it.
Thank you so much for reading this list out and raising awareness.
I’ve had the same response from my family and it’s so disheartening. But then again, I’ve had 50 years of masking, so how can they see what I’ve learned to hide. I’ve found d it’s safer for me, to be on groups like this “in the comments”, than to risk being unheard over and over.
@@sharonvaldez9059being unheard about your autism is the most heart breaking feeling 💔
I cried while you read this. I related to about 95% of this list. This is so validating and also makes me so sad that I’ve struggled so much my whole life 😰
You are not alone. 💜
Same!!
Same same. I’ve never “met” others like me. Wow.
Hi, this is me as well, fighting back the tears!
@@Lynee5290let them flow♥️ that’s the healing
I am 71 years old. Hence, raised in the 50s and 60s. Listening to your is better than some of my therapists. I am going to research this autism for people in my age group.
Thank you for doing these videos. It helps immensely. Goddess bless.
I am also your age. I only started believing that I may be on the spectrum about 2 months ago. Since then, I have been reading and watching everything, and every single thing convinces me further that I am indeed autistic. It's mind bending, and explains so, so much. I don't know that I will ever get a diagnosis, as I retired in a foreign country. But that's okay. I've lived this long not knowing at all. Now at least I have some clarity, and a direction.
bless you for your desire to learn and help and build a nuance!!
@@northofyou33i'm so happy to hear you have gotten such clarity and have resources that resonate with you!
I am 68 and was diagnosed 6 months ago. There was no knowledge of this when we were young......
I resonate with everything described as a woman with autism, thus far my diagnosis is OCD, PTSD, PDD, Generalized Anxiety, Binge Eating .... this information was profound!
I am reading comments because I had to take a little break from checking just about every box.
Whatever diagnosis this describes, it is describing me! Some so spot on it made me cry. I am 72 yo female.
This is seriously creepy. There were only 2 things on that list that didnt describe me. It explains what I secretly call PTSD in myself. Lol. I am horrified and relieved.
I still expect honesty with no desire to change it.
Love to you all.
@@AriesRising4444 I am 63 and am not diagnosed but the last few years I have wondered if this is not what I have. I am nervous to voice this to a Dr. .
Wow, we've got real label collector over here. Interesting hobby.
thank you for this video. I am 34 years old and in the past few years began to think that I am autistic. when I was listening to this list, one that caught me was 'feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her'. this has been a very real and difficult one for me through my life. when I was abused and assaulted at different points, this is how I felt, intensely bad for the people who had done me wrong, asking if they were ok, keeping things secret to protect them. I spend so much energy trying to 'fix' myself, it brings me some relief to think, maybe that isn't the goal. maybe it is acceptance.
The last thing I am looking for is a diagnosis, but I seriously think I am autistic
Everything you listed fits my entire life. I am so damn tired and feel like giving up.Thank you for this video ❤
Ouch. That list was kinda painful to realize how people may perceive me.
Oh, how I wish you lived and practiced in my city. I am about 94% of these yet I'm petrified of going to a specialist. I mean, the mere act of going to talk to someone new is already enough, but the fear of not being understood or considered properly is too much 😶
I have been listening to you for a while now, and you are so enlightening and helpful. This new quest you are on with Autism, is, I feel, groundbreaking, and hope you continue to pursue it! It not only helps me understand myself better, but friends and family that I couldn't quite put my finger on about what is different about us. This video really lays out the details! Thank you so much, Dr. Kim!
"acting a certain way, certain results can be achieved, but in dealing with emotions, those results don't always manifest" omg - good point
Holy smokes. I had to share with my loved ones. I’m so tired of the stigma and not just being genuine. I’m evolving slowly towards not being afraid to share this part of my life and excited to learn skills to help me be the best version of myself. We do all have a purpose in life imo. This could help others as well. The earlier the better imo. Wow even being double jointed, IBS and how I hold my hands. Thank you again Doctor! Keep spreading the facts. It does make a difference. 🤗❤️🙏🏻
Wow Dr Sage this is completely fascinating! I had no idea there was such a grey area in overlaps of autism and trauma/CPTSD. I relate to the vast majority of this list and regardless of what that may or may not mean for me in terms of any diagnosis, it is so hugely validating just to know that all of those feelings and ways of being are actually a thing, that I am not just some complicated person I will never figure out. Thank you so much. Honestly, your passion for this subject is amazing, I feel like this would make for incredible future research ❤
Now question is, how to live with all those? It's not really curable but it's hard to live in society where no one care about these kind of eccentric individuals.
Thank you for asking this question.
Knowing now that I am not just different and difficult- how do I go from here? Best wishes for your own journey ahead 😢💙
@@erikam9519 thank you and also I wish you the best ♥️😊
Same
Wow… Years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And last year I was diagnosed with ADHD. But the more I look at my family and myself, I highly suspect autism is another piece of the puzzle. I mainly notice a lot of these habits in my kids, and I realize that the difference is that they haven’t learned to mask, while I feel like I’ve spent my entire life masking and struggling alone. And to be clear, i don’t want them to feel like they have to hide themselves, i just want the people around us to understand that they’re different, and that’s okay.
I checked off most of the things on this list. I guess I was able to mask enough growing up to the point that people just thought I was quiet and shy, but inside I dealt with a lot of anxiety to get by. But once I got to college and then having kids, it got harder and harder. And I think the issues I face now within my relationship are due to the fact my mask has cracked and I don’t successfully do all the things some people think I should, and they lack empathy and understanding of mental health/disorders.
And I have a cousin with a diagnosed autistic child, and my little cousin (her niece) told me that a counselor suspected she may be autistic, but her mom refused to entertain that possibility. For background, I’m a Black woman (and so are these particular cousins) and unfortunately a lot of times mental health is ignored in our community. And a lot of times people are afraid of having their child labeled for fear of them being more of a target. And I really hate that for her, because I can see she’s such and anxious child and tries to hide it. I saw a lot of her in this list as well.
My mother is one of those parents who doesn't support the idea that her babygirl has a mental health issue: autism. I've noticed that I may have some semblance for a while.
This was mind blowing. I’ve never heard so many parts of what I experience in one list. So grateful for what you are studying and sharing Kim, it’s really insightful. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism, I was however diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a teen. Now almost 40 this list has literally blown my mind. I’m now going down this hole 😆📚
"I’ve never heard so many parts of what I experience in one list". So agree!!! Take care of you! 🙂
During my therapy my therapist couldn't formally diagnose my parents. But after meeting them and having conversations with them. The therapist said my mother was a covert narcissists and my step father who raised me was autistic. Which ran in his family. His very own brother had autism. Which explained why I have to learn how to rethink, respond because I had learned to function like my parents. They explained that autistic adults that go undiagnosed are more attracted to the narcissist personality. They also will defend the narcissist and want to protect them. This explained everything. Is why I felt so different like an outcast or black sheep growing up. I wasn't dealing with a personality disorder but I had been taught that and I knew I needed help. We copy our parents as children. But as I got older it became so clear that I didn't want to be anything like them. That's when it gets scary. Because who's going to believe you and where do you start? How do you help yourself if you have a no idea? But today there's literally information at our fingertips. It's all here and it's just baby steps not giant leaps. Because learning what's acceptable behavior doesn't happen over night. You've got to set boundaries for yourself as if you were your only child. But you don't have boundaries. That's where the baby steps come in. One little boundary at a time. Like a curfew. You probably never even heard that word. You begin to learn to love yourself and respect yourself in a way you never new existed. You becoming your own parent fills that void that your parents might not have filled. You begin to trust yourself. When you probably never had that before. Therapy can change your life. It can give you your life back.
"They explained that autistic adults that go undiagnosed are more attracted to the narcissist personality. They also will defend the narcissist and want to protect them. This explained everything."
You and your therapist added a piece of the puzzle as to why my mom (CPTSD/NarcPD/ADHD) and my dad (CPTSD/Austistic) remain co-dependent post-divorce. Thank you for the assist. 🥰
You need therapy because you had an autistic stepfather? That's what you seem to be saying, and that's extremely offensive.
@@deer105offensive to who?
@@deer105The narcissist rekationship was mentioned as well and probably had a lot of control but you put words in their mouth and you only mentioned the dad
@@sarahjaye4117 Well, let's be clear about the problem. I don't doubt you have a problem, but please try to label your problem accurately
This made me cry. I haven't been tested but have no doubt about being autistic. This list really made me feel seen. Thank you. x
I relate to pretty much everything, and I find it extremely comforting to simply know Im not alone ❤
I'm a male who after much research on the subject thought that i was definitely not on the spectrum. After listening to this my mind has changed, there is so much i relate to here. Wow!
Same here. It has me very overwhelmed because not having this perspective has caused me to be misdiagnosed, which I always suspected.
Because gender is performative and autism is autism and gender has nothing to do with it. This binary split is BS.
@@aellaaskew4263First of all, she was clear that this list can cross gender lines, and second of all, there ARE gender differences...women tend to be much more proficient maskers, so much so that for a long time, it was thought that only boys could be autistic. So much more...educate yourself before you start blathering bullshįt.
12:15 OMG my mind is blown because this is me! Maybe 3 so far aren’t so much. Holy sh@t. It’s all me. Thank you so much. I’m not just ADHD. I’m not just depressed. It’s always been so much more complicated. Thank you. I’m sending this to my psychiatrist and therapist(s)- I have 2 therapists (😂)
Agree! I am also going to be sharing this with my two therapists 😂
Thank you so much for going down this rabbit hole and presenting this source!! 🙌🏻 Her list was hard-hitting and difficult to get through, but the validation was needed for me to feel less stuck. Ironically, my understanding feels more clear after hearing you confirm the obvious uncertainties and overlaps in dsm-5 diagnoses. I think we’ve a ways to go before we have a true understanding of the dynamics between neurodivergence and trauma.
Got diagnosed with cptsd and level 2 autism. Lady, you're so smart, professional people sh
Thanks Kim! Reading the comments, it's incredible how many people say they identify so closely with this list! I do as well! I also see how I have learned to adapt which requires a lot of energy for me. I am working on self-acceptance. The best to everyone here on their journeys! 💞
Thank you for all of your content! I’m a late diagnose ASD at 48. I also have CPTSD and many of the ‘symptoms’ overlap. Over the years, I have questions, BPD because it presents similarly. I suffered from extreme neglect as a child and a lifetime of rejection/abandonment trauma. I was a young mother at 20 and I’m now 48 with 5 children, youngest is 12. At the age of 27 I was a single mom with three kids, working to provide for them and trying to recover from an abusive marriage and I honestly did the best that I could for my children. I always knew I was not a perfect parent, but now understand more of the why concerning the overwhelm I felt and occasional dysregulation/shutdown/meltdown, though I suppressed a lot and tried to be a different mother than I had, I was inconsistent. In one of your other videos, you talk about inconsistency in parents being worse than one who was always dysregulated. Being on the spectrum, and struggling with self-worth and self-esteem, always being in my head, and even though I have attempted talk therapy many times, I always present with a mask and I have a hard time connecting /explaining my emotions through spoken word, I’m left wondering what I do with all of the guilt. I am trying to be gentle with myself and work on healing the wounded innerchild, but nonetheless, I have more than likely harmed my children over the years. I don’t know how to unpack all of what I’m feeling. I guess I’m having a hard time feeling compassion for myself because of the guilt of failing my children as a mother. I am doing the work, am trying to make amends to my older children, and have been for many years, but always struggled. I now understand some of my challenges, being on the spectrum, and better understanding CPTSD, but it’s hard excepting the fact that the harm is already done for my older children. I am raising my youngest very differently, I hope. I would love to hear what you have to say on this topic. Thank you 🙏🏻
In general, women internalize their symptoms due to how those symptoms can negatively effect others. They quarantine themselves. Even if undiagnosed, they know something is wrong, and they try to wait until they're alone to have their nervous breakdowns. They mask while being completely unaware they are doing so. That is why autism is so subtle and nearly impossible to detect in some women. It often takes them diagnosing themselves, and they can go to a doctor, and the doctor confirms what the patient already knows.
Or they can go to a doctor who says, "You're not autistic!", thereby undermining everything she feels and believes, not realising the strength it took for her to say it out loud to a so-called professional. 😢😢😢
@@grooviechickie get a second opinion.
@@grooviechickie this is what i'm scared of.
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there; I was finally diagnosed at age 48, and am now 50. I went to college and Graduate school… got very ill in my early to mid forties. I really think this was partially due to me burning out. If I had known when I was younger I may have been able to manage things better I believe and not gotten ill. Your work is so important. Girls have been so neglected in getting recognized… even still today.
"Something needs to change..." How many ways and times have I tried to change myself? And it just does not help. How many times did I think I was passing as normal, thinking I was doing it right, to suddenly be caught up short and find I was not succeeding, despite such intense effort? Too many times, too many years. If this ends up being the explanation... I don't know what can change.
At 64 years of age, the only thing that can change is that I stop beating myself up, I stop expecting others to understand, and I celebrate my differences instead of trying to hide them. ❤
WOW. All I can say is THANK YOU!!! And please upload more content like this if possible. You’re a kindred spirit.
Hi Kim,
I have watch or rather binged so many of your sessions.
It seemed like you are doing the same study on yourself as I am. I took the tests that are provided on line for autism.
It seems I am passing w flying colors. I keep hearing you describe me as you talk of CPTSD and autism.
Nails on the chalkboard is how I have often described my feelings of noises and people eating or clicking their keys or tapping etc. I am very tired tonight but wow!! Thanks for sharing. You are a blessing.
I’m not sure where to go w my new findings. I do find it is getting harder lately as I care for my 92 yr old mom.
I have issues from childhood as well.
Again thanks you and I just wanted to connect.
I meet all of the criteria in the list. I noticed something that wasn’t mentioned: my spacial and math abilities are higher than average, which is more like the stereotypical “male” autist. A lot of us are relatively “simple” and “plain” compared to the average female; often considered not very “feminine.” My dad complained that my mom didn’t dress up pretty and perform as a good host for guests, that she preferred to read away from people in her room (in list). I remember studying how conversations worked in books (also in list). This list is for the most part so accurate! I had to listen to this twice already today, as it is pretty amazing to hear my description in such a list.
I too hit a major AHa moment but with discalculia I have never been able to memorize times tables but spelling was above the norm.
I learned to drink both coffee and alcohol by reading books.x) They're both part of my culture, but in some horse books the teens drank coffee, so I embraced drinking coffee. And yes, I was also a horse girl.
Alcohol I learned from reading French classics. Now that I think about it, yeah, kind of strange for a teenager to obsess over something like Umberto Eco and French classics, but I was obsessed with history. Eco also brought in philosophy, and at 14 I was deffinitely going to ponder over the existence of things such as the characters did in Foucault's Pendulum.
YUP, TOO MANY TIMES was I told I was NOT autistic because I didn't 'look' it, yet in the workplace I get severe bullying because I'm odd/weird/different/freaky? I think people denying or not accepting our autism is just a way that they avoid self reflection, because if they really looked and took a moment they would see it, but then that would me that have to think about their actions more.
Wow, a lot of these resonated with me. Some of them I didn't realize where autistic traits. More dots are connected. That thing about finding comfort in numbers... so so so true, I played around with numbers so much, I LOVE math, I was so good at it as a kid. I even like to incorporate some sort of math or measuring with my art.
Thank you! I never know where to start when someone asks me why I think I'm autistic and this pretty much covered it.🙏
I’m 37 and was officially diagnosed with autism a couple months ago. I likely have a little ADHD in there, as well. Until recently, I was just called “anxious,” “OCD,” “gifted,” “sensitive,” and a few other things. I have SO many of the traits on that list, and I’m soon to receive a result to a genetic test for vascular Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.
The impetus was that I’d taken several online tests previously, yet had kind of shoved things under the rug. But then I lost a best friend (second since 2020) suddenly over a slight insensitivity on my part - something that could have been easily discussed and resolved. Around that same time, we’d moved offices at my main job. The absolute meltdowns and overwhelm I experienced surprised even me. I knew I needed answers.
Oh yes! The most comprehensive list that Ive seen. Thank you for mentioning Ehlers Danlos and POTS along with this. They can cause a lot of disabiling symptoms with additional coping mechanisms. Alien. Yes! .I thought everyone was like this... I admit being wrong.
I think another thing that is frustrating is that I feel people judge us for needing alone time. They say I spend too much time alone and that’s “my problem.” But I need twice as much time to recuperate from humans. I work in customer service and manage people and I am just exhausted by the end of my day. I use both of my days off to walk alone and mentally rest to do it all again. But I enjoy this recuperation time. Why can’t people just let people be themselves and do what works for them? lol! I have no desire to be more social when I’m not at work.
I am 59 years old and never was officially diagnosed, but everything on each list is spot on! Sad, but enlightening. Thank you.
Sometimes I wonder if cPTSD is to Autism as Diabetes type 2 is to Diabetes type 1. And should probably be more related to each other. Because when you think about it cPTSD in early childhood or anytime alters the brain maybe very much into the ways of Autism/ADHD.
I am autistic and recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. I will argue that many of the abuse I received from my parents was related to them forcing me to be more "normal". It is not abuse that creates autism, but not understanding autism can create abuse.
Yes this is totally me. I’ve come to be very aware of the traits and characteristics, after all autism literally translated means self ism. We are all very aware of our self and what makes us different. what I want to know is, what does this descriptive list look like when referring to the average person? if this is what we are, what is everyone else??
Glad you asked this question! Listening to and identifying with most of the list, I was also thinking, "you mean this isn't normal for other people???:"
It’s a similar list to this I came accross 3 years ago that lead me to perusing an official autism diagnosis. As you say it can profoundly change the way people think what autism looks like. I too had a lot of wrong assumptions beforehand and thought that could never be me but here we are 39 and officially diagnosed with ASD.
Thank you so much for all of your very helpful, and accurate information. I am almost 70 years old and discovered that I am on the spectrum just over a year ago. I would say about 95 percent of what you read relates to me. And it's so very important to know this about myself. Thank you, thank you. ❤
Damn I fucking identify with this list so hard that it’s kinda triggering and taking me back to my 2nd grade days when my teachers would sit down with checklists they wrote of my “unsavory behavior” and read them off to my mother.
I’ve transitioned to a male from a female and a lot of these traits don’t feature anymore and I’m not sure why. Probably because people prey on me a lot less. My systematic thinking is also an asset in a male body. I’m not laughed at and picked apart and talked down to anymore. I blend in pretty well after transitioning.
I would never advocate for someone to transition unless they have to… but idk I personally feel like I’m victimized a lot less…
I suspect I'm on the spectrum but can't seek out a diagnoses for reasons I won't go into. I've watched all of your videos on the subject now and it's really just all but confirmed it for me. What is also intriguing me is how autism could potentially affect attachment styles- listening to these videos and your anxious attachment style videos have dozens of lightbulbs going on in my head
This list just saved my sanity and explained my entire life !! I can NOT thank you enough ! Life changing, positively transformative to finally, finally, FINALLY understand what the heck has been going on with me for 65 years !! It started with me refusing to be fed at 6 months old. I ate with my little hands until I could use utensils. My Mom told me this. I pushed her away as well, physically and emotionally pushed her away.
Hey Dr Kim, I'm HFA (late diagnosis) and it's like you summarised me in that list, minus the odd thing here or there. It's incredibly accurate from my perspective but as you say, autism is a Spectrum. Thank you for this.
Thank you so much for your content - I do listen in the car with my long commute! I relate so much to this. My daughter recently told me I might be autistic, and at first I thought no way, but the more I research, the more it makes sense...like a missing piece of the puzzle. It's validating to know why I am the way I am and that it's okay to just be me.
I remember exact details of all my rocks and fossils. It’s crazy!
I am 47 and was diagnosed only in the last two years with Inattentive ADHD. I already identified as an HSP. The more time I spend in the neurodivergent community online the more I question whether or not I could also be autistic. I have long suspected my brother is austic/aspie and my therapist has questioned whether my husband is on the spectrum. While I don't identify with everything on the list... Math and numbers? No way, but words, writing, a need to understand everything, and all the other list items - yes. I am intensely curious and sensitive and have always had trouble with friends. Easily taken advantage of when younger, always felt on the outside, like I was watching everyone else. Now as an adult I have a serious autoimmune disease and I suspect EDS or some hypermobility disorder too. So much fits. Definitely food for thought. Thanks for sharing this list with us.
I can't believe what a comprehensive list of my being this is. What the heck
I keep watching these and sobbing, relating pretty strongly to most, and very intensely/woundedly to about 1/4. I'm struggling so very hard and have for most of my life
Thanks SO MUCH for taking the time to make this vid. My ADHD has worsened with age, and hearing as well as reading information helps it sink in.
I've also perceived how autism encompasses a much larger spectrum than previously thought, also the common co-morbidity with ADDinattentive -- surprised this wasn't mentioned -- so this was extremely helpful and will serve as a springboard; I understand it's not a diagnostic tool.
I am a late diagnosed autistic woman and this list has explained a lot of things about myself that I didn't really know were related to being autistic so thank you for sharing.
This is absolutely validating and also so sad in my case… I’m formally diagnosed autistic, did all the assessments…and I questioned if I really was… and after this list… I don’t only believe I have it, but I finally just realized the gravity of my disorder and gave myself self compassion. I’ve been trying to overcome a divorce to a narcissistic abuser and I’m struggling very badly with my symptoms. I don’t know how to ask for help and no one understands that I’m not ok because they don’t understand autism… I need some help to get me back on track in life but not the help that most people need, like I need supports at home with cleaning and cooking because I stopped eating because I’m so sad and just distract myself 24-7 so I don’t have to feel the depth of heart break and depth of lonliness… and self doubt, and feeling totally insecure in terms of how to get systems in place to help me function better. I’m having trouble spending any time with my daughter who’s also autistic… I just want to be alone 24/7 now and I’m very avoidant… I’m worried about myself right now honestly and I don’t know what to do…
Please reach out to a mental health professional for guidance. ❤
Yay, i cant wait to hear more from you as i have both Autism and cPTSD
Sitting listening to this list and I'm bawling my eyes out 😢😢😢
These describe my inner world completely and accurately - I’m 42. Thought I was ADHD but this explains a lot.
Opened my doubts about my inner world when I had my 4yr old daughter who also seems to have these traits
You can have both ADHD and autism, it's in fact very common.
I am almost 45..i recently started doing neurofeedback for cptsd....it found that yes i do have fight/flight indication
..but also i feel that the practicinor was trying to tell me i have autism..what he was describing high paytern recognition likes quiet enviroments when learing fromtal lobe dysfunction and other things..he didnt say it out right...but i feel he will after the second sxan
This was the most EYE OPENING video I’ve seen i think ever! Wow. This felt extremely personal..
Thank you, Dr. Sage. When I watch your videos, even pre-autism series, I experience connection and a sense of belonging. Understanding how life experiences shape who we become is fascinating to me. The content you share and the way you present is always insightful. I walk away feeling understood. Can't place a value on that!
What shit's me (for want is of a better word) is I literally DO look autistic, I grew up stimming constantly and talking to myself, had hardly any friends and preferred reading in the library or doing school to socializing. And yet I grew up in such an ignorant, backwards place, with parents to inept and incompetent, that I had to save up for YEARS to get a doctor to diagnose me with Level 2 Autism and mild ADHD before my 26th birthday. It's absolutely appalling how girls and women with autism, even those of us who are visibly autistic like myself, are shunned, dismissed, called difficult and meladramatic, told we are exaggerating and just weird people, until a doctor gives you a piece of paper, and then suddenly.... your family is like "Ohhh yeah that makes a lot of sense, sorry we treated you like a freak you're entire life while giving your male autistic cousin freedom to be himself!!!"
99% of all these fit me perfectly. Thank you for making these extensive lists. Much appreciated. I enjoy watching your videos. Keep up the great job you do!!!
omg, this is me! I'm 68 and just now seeing a reason for all my 'weird' quirks. As a child when my mother broke my miniature table and chairs I felt like she killed them. Thank you Dr Kim, I just subscribed.
Dr Kim- your sensitivity towards race and class are commendable- I am a black woman and I have CPTSD- I could write a dissertation on how I have been mishandled by the mental health community- I paused the video at 1:14 just to say a big fat THANK YOU 🙏🏽
I feel seen and people like yourself will change the field immeasurably for the better.
God bless you!!!! 💗
Thank you for this video. I will need to get a referral to be properly diagnosed but I'm confident I'm autistic. Many things you mentioned I resonate with. I hate the fact that people that don't follow the 'status quo' are given such labels that only make us feel more inadequate in my opinion. Any hoot, thank you ❤
Brilliant work. I am so glad that the change and awareness is taking place. Thank you!
When you are raised in a chaotic, dysfunctional alcoholic home and the spread on the siblings spans 20 years - you are youngest - and you ARE abused - - many of these traits - not necessarily present before major traumas, DO present this way...many of these ways. I wouldn't be so quick to see it as a "natural" state of being for so many women, because so many of us are so thoroughly abused by people in life, we're driven to become insular by "going inside" ourselves. I think NONE of what's described in the DSM is biblical in terms of BELIEVING in it - good descriptions of symptomology, in my view - but PROVING nothing....as viewed from my 68 years of experiential learning. But I'm sure this book learning will be explanation enoough for many to label themselves this way. I refuse to.
So what you're essentially saying, many of the symptoms that are commonly agreed on as being "autistic" might not inherently be autistic traits but how autistic people responded to being traumatised i.e. "autistic" + "cptsd" like for example that tendency to self-isolate etc. That's a very interesting thought and I think there's a lot of truth to it. As it's near impossible to grow up non-traumatised as someone who's so sensitive as an autistic person in such an artificial (grey loud cities) hostile (no wildlife, hustle, stress) environment
This resonates so much with me. I started to suspect being autistic after my 50th birthday. At that time I was thinking that maybe my husband was autistic and was waiting for an assessment. Soon before his assessment I decided to do a test myself just for curiosity and was shocked to see that I had a high score as well, but I couldn’t relate much to his struggles. When he had his first assessment appointment I was with him and the questions they asked about behaviours I could identify with myself in some and my dad in others. Etc
I was diagnosed dyslexic at 13 as was still struggling to read and understand what I read and school was a nightmare because there was no support available.
I was diagnosed with CFS in my mid 40s after years of suspecting it but not diagnosed because at the same time was suffering from depression and PTSD but was more likely CPTSD.
I’m currently waiting for my autism assessment and hoping to reduce the impact of my sensory issues and disabling fatigue. I’m likely to be suffering from a combination of CFS and autistic burnout on top of everything else
Very interesting, described me to a T except for the last page, took a lifetime to self identify these qualities and characteristics and how they helped define my life. May not be a diagnosis, but certainly was an accurate description of a complex of characteristics all mysteriously interconnected in me and I suspect others.
So give us an example of a perfect human being. My parents always claimed that Jesus was the only perfect human being. But then again my siblings and I never once heard the words "I love you" nor did we ever experience any affection ... no hugs or kisses. But boy we HAD to go to church on Sundays.
So… I agree with all of this and feel like I’m finally starting to understand what I’ve been living with… what now? I’m 64!! I definitely have learned to function with my quirkiness but like wowza this is a revelation!!!
Sincerely, Susan
i masked "so well" my whole life even i didn't know i was on the spectrum.
Thanks for this 💞👊. Dx feb 2023 58F. So so want others to know I’m not whackadoodles….. and so so tired of being stuck. Thanks for this 💞👊
Wow that was overwhelming. All i want to say is If you think you're autistic just love yourself the way you are. Don't try and change yourself just because others don't understand you.
Your beautiful the way you are.
Yes, it's very annoying when people say that I don't look Autistic
I. Am. Dumbfounded. I wish I'd been able to check off each one as I went. I'd have scored so incredibly high on this. 😅 I am just realizing this year (my 44th) that I'm possibly Autistic, and this list has been the most mindblowing resource yet. No wonder little me felt so weird. No wonder my narc mother was so infuriated and confused by me. My brother has Down Syndrome and it was just us. My parents needed one "normal child" and so I was constantly criticized for being "lazy" and not "trying harder". Wow. I am no contact now, and I focus on self care and a healthy relationship with my brother and my chosen family. Thank you so much for this list, doc. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
It’s overwhelmingly accurate.
Most of what you described sounds like me. I have CPTSD from my childhood and I have severe anxiety and I’m bipolar. I’m going to bring this up with my doctor. Thank you for being real
Is there a prize for scoring 95% or higher?
This is something I've explored for decades, and it has been (unofficially) professionally confirmed. But I must say, I've never encountered a list like this. The accuracy actually kinda hurt.
Neither white nor male, there was next to no chance I would've been diagnosed in childhood (70s and 80s), if it was even considered at all. And at this point, I also have CPTSD, so that makes it even more difficult.
Interesting series, moving on to another video.
Wow! This is by far the best list I've found!
I don't know when it's my turn to speak in group settings as an adult. I also go into selective mutism in over crowded social events.
Public bathrooms are uncomfortably loud, theater is just a no go. I get meltdowns.
I still rescue animals! And I felt our car got hurt and cried for it when I was 4.
I have so much trouble with making meaning out of life! I feel our lives are so insignificant in the big picture of the world and time!
I also would add asexuality.
Thank you 🎉 I appreciate your work on this topic. My 57 year summary 😮. I am so excited with the fast and comprehensive way this information can reach me, us, based on algorithms, prayers and people like you. Keep up the good work. You're helping many. I'm sharing this information.
Thank you. This is very validting... as stated this is not official. However, as a Dyslexic adhder who is 99.9% their autistic. This is overwhelmingly accurate.
Even the narcissistic part... i thought i was even though i know im not. I grew up around narcs/clusters bs. The trauma, i still sympathize and emphasize with them. I do love them even though they have hurt me.
Ps the birds in the background are very comforting ❤
I was diagnosed Autistic in 2001. This list is sooooo accurate I both laughed and cried. ❤😢❤. I’m learning to accept myself the way I am cuz I can’t change it.
Thank you so much for your work. I’m awaiting diagnosis. But self diagnosed and already have ADHD.
Trauma makes it harder to diagnose as I have noticed . Certain mental health providers are not given appropriate training for these significant issues.
Now I realize how autism or CPTSD can be HSP, or rather the other way round. This list is very much, like 100%, what was discussed back when I spent time in an HSP peer support group.
Funny how I asked if HSP could be a part of the autistic spectrum, as I had so much in common with a friend who is diagnosed ASD, but was told no, they're different. We had some psychologists or psychology students in the group, so I respected their knowledge. Also this was back in 2014 or 2015.
I also wonder how much is in common with ADHD? I deffinitely have those traits, but also this female autism list resonates. And I recognize CPTSD from the other video, it was like 8/10 and my reaction to the sigh confirmed.
HSP was written by a mom observing her autistic son. It is Autism.
“Abused and didn’t think to tell anyone,” holy cow !!
This list is so on point I'm speechless
Omg Kim. What I've done to my children with my controlling hypervigilence. Shit. I am so overwhelmed with waves of emotion now like I can't remember. I feel like someone just revealed the secrets of the universe to me. For example I feel in live with you right now but I know it's illusion.
I only have 10 good years left. I really wish even 1 day could be as a normal, serene, peaceful man. I'd give the rest of my life for one day of peace.
I'm so naive too. I always give people max credit, I don't see betrayal coming, I trust intentions too much. But I'm not stupid, my iq is high. I'm writing as I speak.
Do you know any good therapists in New England?
That was awesome, thank you for sharing Kim! I’m so happy that you are doing this series, I’ve been finding so much support here🌼
i think the hardest part for me to realize i am autistic is that i mask unconsciously. i don’t really know how to turn it off, all i know is that when i do stop i am exhausted and wind up having a hard time leaving my house if i don’t have to for a few days.
i have most of everything in section E. i fee i’m like my data set i use to gauge social interactions is skewered to detect anger (due to my childhood) and try to seek it out whenever i’m trying to read somebody to properly respond. i don’t really know what to do to start helping myself not assume everybody is mad at me all the time.
i saw something about how as girls, we don’t really notice our struggles with social interactions until we’re older. i, for one, was just fine with not being able to be super social. but now? now i don’t know what to do at all, i don’t have the words to respond when somebody is making small talk, all i can do is “mhm” and nod. it’s hard.
Sadly, the dsm is written with so much overlap that it is skewed by perception, if a therapist is focused in one area they tend to miss the ball park. An autism diagnosis for someone on the spectrum 20 years ago would have opened doors for me, instead of a vague interpretation that did not fit.😢
Thank you. It was, in fact, helpful for me to listen to you read the list and process. I feel very much the way I did when I read Elaine Aron’s book on highly-sensitive people. It’s was like someone could finally see my internal world. I feel so seen!
Precisely!
This was perfect in my life's description! The language thing was spot on. I wanted to teach myself Portuguese hoping to go to Europe. I became confused when I realized Brazilian Portuguese is different. I had bought many Brazilian books. I ended up giving away new Brazilian books, and never learned EU Portuguese. I began to teach myself Hebrew and I am doing fine with that. Cursive Hebrew looks like scribble to me. I like to look at the Torah print.
I was told I had Asperger issues. Your list was more comprehensive.
I'm almost everything on that list...either presently, or during one of my earlier decades of morphing. I thank you.
I'm male...this is me
Thank you for reading, it was very helpful for me to listen.