“Marriage gives you the opportunity to perfect how you love” - this is so beautiful. An emphasis on how it is a work in progress :) thank you for sharing
the fact that brenda and joseph has this conversation make them such great parents :') thank you for working the differences out and keeping the love and building a family out of love, having a kids in an environment of love goes such a long way
This is a great video to share for all married and singles alike. Marriage is not just a commitment but also a training ground to better oneself through the help of the better half.
A lot of singles stay single probably because of their childhood trauma. Sometimes not getting married also means not passing on the trauma to the next generation. The RS in this case is similar to my parents behavior when they were younger, having seen the arguments first hand can be an eye opener for the eldest kid and it does left an impression on the kid as well. Though my parents are still together after all the years, they have never grown to accept each other's faults and to some extent I was always the available sandwich they can complain to. Talk about being the mental support to both of them, then who is the mental support to me ?
@@arsenal_84 Hi, thanks for sharing! Sorry to hear that you had to go through being the person who bore the brunt of things. It can be really hard to grow up being the mental support. What we hope to have shown is that we are all capable of recognising that there are things in our lives that we can work towards doing better for ourselves and others. Hope you've found some good people around you to keep you going!
@@arsenal_84 maybe you can seek counselling. I was checking on some websites it range from $30 to 150. It can be affordable only if we want to seek healing...
i appreciate this video a lot. both husband and wife just sharing their struggles. it was calm, reflective and peaceful. there was no blaming, he said she said etc. i still think this marriage is very ideal and it’s very rare what they have ❤
Thanks very much for this beautiful sharing. Throughout my 27 years of married I too wanted to give up in 2 occupations. Like Joseph, my husband always convinced me he will improve/change. We are still working on it. Most importantly is working on me. I keep praying and keep finding ways to understand myself, my childhood trauma, going for Inner healing retreat, manage my ADHD issue/brain... its really a long process.
Both Joseph and Brenda are so real, authentic, growth oriented and you can tell they are both committed in love. As a fellow and newly wedded wife, I feel that Brenda is so eloquent, self aware, empathetic and strong. I’m glad you found therapy and outlets to feel less lonely, I genuinely hope your marriage continues to grow and blossom, as you continue to heal your childhood wounds.
This brought me to tears. I was so connected when you guys started to look more at yourselves than blaming the other person. One thing marriage has taught me was that we were raised in different households and trying to implement the things our parents taught us wouldn't work for our family. You have to find what works well for your family because it will better your marriage and your little family. How our parents brought us up might not necessarily work for our current family, just because we may think it's right. I pray that you guys stay strong in fighting for your love for one another. 💝
Can relate to this so much. The amount of arguments that happened after the arrival of our child and I've indeed brought up the D word multiple times. But even so, we continue to try and work this thing called marriage out. Thank you for sharing your story Brenda and Joseph.
Men can be stay at home dads and be proud too. Men can cry too. All these don't define manhood as much as being responsible for our actions and doing what's right. Kudos to Joseph for not running, and confronting what you need to. Further edit - both Joseph and Brenda have grown so much! So much to celebrate even if you're still works in progress. Very very much kudos!
Wow. This is definitely one of the best videos I've watched. Thanks Brenda and Joseph for opening up to share for others to learn. Definitely a good reminder that everyone is different and we all have to work through them together. I wish them nothing but the best and other couples facing the same issues.
Thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably. I have learnt much from your sharing. What you shared is so real and I hope that your story can encourage other couples who are struggling in their marriage.
It does seem like Joseph has avoidant attachment style and Brenda has anxious attachment style - the typical response which arises from a trigger is a trauma response which is to 'shut down' or get 'anxious (e.g. when can u respond to me)', as the amygdala in the brain overreacts. It can't be solved simply with talk therapy, CBT, ABC, etc. as somewhere within this response lies subconscious memories that unknowingly triggers this reaction. I think EMDR therapy would help tremendously to make your rs more fulfilling! :)
Thank you so much for the vulnerability. The struggles are real. I also experienced similar circumstances. Due to covid my husband was also jobless for 3 years, etc. My take is that the man’s make up is such that they need to have a proper job to feel their worth. It’s tough. Hearing both of your sharing, I can only say Joseph is a great father. Losing temper slapping etc can be worked out. But his willingness and sacrificial commitment to the family comes from him within. Count yourself blessed
Great video. And so true - it's about growth within oneself. In my case, divorce was the right option - because he wasn't growing fast enough and I was wasting away. It's tough to know when to stay or when to leave.
this is really sad as i'm processing contested divorce. its really hard as my ex hubby to be only want me to lead the most miserable life ever..it is really tormenting.. its great to hear that both of u doing great..this episode is so touching..
Thank you for your honest open sharing. From my humble ooinion, slap is wrong, whether its dad to child, wife to husband, A to B. Having difficult feelings about a situation means perhaps the focus should be about addressing past unprocessed trauma. Tap on palm might be better than tap on cheek, which has an element of inflicting shame and increasing distance between the 2 people.
Thank you for sharing your story, Joseph and Brenda :) this might not have been easy to be this vulnerable to the world, but your openness will help relationships be revisited and possibly even be saved.
Thanks for sharing such intimate moments of your struggles! If you would examine attachment styles, you could see the bulldozer being the anxious attached person chasing the avoidant man/ stonewaller. Somehow, anxious attached people and anxious people often ended up together. The idea is to try to be securely attached people on our own! Good luck
Great episode! Totally agree on the point on when you get married, you get far more lonely because the time you spend with people outside your marriage is lesser and this time further shrinks after you have kids. And yes, it is hard to find a safe and objective space to share your thoughts/struggle (as a wife or husband) in marriage.
Stay home dad role takes alot away from most men; respect, pride,masculinity. Many years later when his grandchildren ask what he did when he was younger, he probably will blank out again. Deep down he probably just want some respect, work normally and provide for his family. But then, a good man does not complain and whine like a little girl; Women have that right. A good man reposition himself. Start an online home business, and start bringing some $$ back home. It can start as small as buying and selling things off carousell. Many years later he can tell his grandchildren he took care of their moms and dads, and also ran a succesful business.
Your mental health and emotional trauma isn't the responsibility of your spouse. Sounds like she just cannot accept the fact he's a stay at home dad and she's the sole bread winner and does not respect him deep down. Slapping your husband in front of the kids and his own mother proves this point. This is unacceptable in any given scenario, man or woman.
For his case, Slap the kids is normally not out of anger but rather lack of “absence make the heart fonder” because he stays at home all time see the kids alot….if he go out work, he will miss the kids
Different backgrounds, different upbringing. They have different views about how to discipline kids. Any couple should discuss this first and come to an agreement.
No matter what, the wife shouldn’t slap the husband infront of the kids and moreover at the presence of his mother. Thats so disrespectful. How would she feel if the situation was reversed?
Hey, you're right. None of that should have happened and we're not saying it's okay. But if you watch the full video - you'll see both of them admitting to their mistakes and trying their best for each other. Thanks for bringing this up, and for stopping by.
@@lindc1070Yah. That’s the difference between him “being good with (other people’s) kids” before marriage VS being stressed with responsibility for your own kid.
@@pingteo6104 exactly. Its easier to be good with other people's kids , especially when he doesnt need to take care of them 24/7. He should just get a job.
There are different ways of.doing it. My parents never laid a hand on us yet we all turned out very well. They took the time to speak to us, explain to us.
Interesting honest view but i call bs on beliefs that kids don know anything and therefore don't need to be disciplined... if a light smack to a kid is abuse, what's a slap to a spouse...? And why bring another child to this world while you're finding your own footing (not wrong too !)
While I know and seen many wonderful dads, there is a reason why women make better stay-at-home parents. The nurturing nature in women are in-born, women become selfless for their children, and for some, other children. It's not difficult for us to sacrifice ourselves, in a heart beat, for the sake of children. Therefore, while many women do struggle to be a better mum, improving and evolving are also non-negotiable. Maybe to improve things, Jo should not be a stay-at-home? Just my two cents. Also, in my opinion, ain't right for her to slap him though...
Brenda is a good mother. She had to stand by her gut and protect her children. I'm sure there was some guilt about not being home with the children as well, she had to trust her husband to raise them and she didnt feel like they were safe - it must have been so difficult for her.
@@thetrampolineclub heya, I think it’s tougher to share more now that despite what they went through, they still choose to have another child? Tbh It’s just gonna to prolong their emotional distress as they need space to work on themselves first without the distraction of extra responsibilities aka children. Anyhow, 船到桥头自然直 or… when last straw that breaks the camel’s back, whatever the outcome I hope their children will grow up to be ok.
nothing wrong with discipline but there needs to be a line drawn. the wife is right that he should not slap the 3 year old child. no matter hard slap or soft slap. a child can go deaf if the adult cannot control the slap. seems the husband cannot really control the anger and the wife also know
Agreed. That being said, lets keep the same standards and call her out for slapping her spouse in front of the kids and his own mother too. Thats unacceptable in any scenario.
“Marriage gives you the opportunity to perfect how you love” - this is so beautiful. An emphasis on how it is a work in progress :) thank you for sharing
the fact that brenda and joseph has this conversation make them such great parents :') thank you for working the differences out and keeping the love and building a family out of love, having a kids in an environment of love goes such a long way
the part when she said, "he took out his anger by cleaning the house... at least I have a clean house.." 😅 I feel you Brenda!
Joseph and Brenda. Hang in there. You guys are damn brave to share your struggles, many of which I can relate to. I wish you guys well
I felt the same.
This is a great video to share for all married and singles alike. Marriage is not just a commitment but also a training ground to better oneself through the help of the better half.
A lot of singles stay single probably because of their childhood trauma. Sometimes not getting married also means not passing on the trauma to the next generation. The RS in this case is similar to my parents behavior when they were younger, having seen the arguments first hand can be an eye opener for the eldest kid and it does left an impression on the kid as well. Though my parents are still together after all the years, they have never grown to accept each other's faults and to some extent I was always the available sandwich they can complain to. Talk about being the mental support to both of them, then who is the mental support to me ?
@@arsenal_84 Hi, thanks for sharing! Sorry to hear that you had to go through being the person who bore the brunt of things. It can be really hard to grow up being the mental support. What we hope to have shown is that we are all capable of recognising that there are things in our lives that we can work towards doing better for ourselves and others. Hope you've found some good people around you to keep you going!
@@arsenal_84 maybe you can seek counselling. I was checking on some websites it range from $30 to 150. It can be affordable only if we want to seek healing...
i appreciate this video a lot. both husband and wife just sharing their struggles. it was calm, reflective and peaceful. there was no blaming, he said she said etc. i still think this marriage is very ideal and it’s very rare what they have ❤
Thanks very much for this beautiful sharing. Throughout my 27 years of married I too wanted to give up in 2 occupations. Like Joseph, my husband always convinced me he will improve/change. We are still working on it. Most importantly is working on me. I keep praying and keep finding ways to understand myself, my childhood trauma, going for Inner healing retreat, manage my ADHD issue/brain... its really a long process.
Both Joseph and Brenda are so real, authentic, growth oriented and you can tell they are both committed in love. As a fellow and newly wedded wife, I feel that Brenda is so eloquent, self aware, empathetic and strong. I’m glad you found therapy and outlets to feel less lonely, I genuinely hope your marriage continues to grow and blossom, as you continue to heal your childhood wounds.
This brought me to tears. I was so connected when you guys started to look more at yourselves than blaming the other person. One thing marriage has taught me was that we were raised in different households and trying to implement the things our parents taught us wouldn't work for our family. You have to find what works well for your family because it will better your marriage and your little family. How our parents brought us up might not necessarily work for our current family, just because we may think it's right. I pray that you guys stay strong in fighting for your love for one another. 💝
Can relate to this so much. The amount of arguments that happened after the arrival of our child and I've indeed brought up the D word multiple times. But even so, we continue to try and work this thing called marriage out. Thank you for sharing your story Brenda and Joseph.
I've been married for 10 years, and I still able to learn a lot from Joseph. Thanks for sharing
Men can be stay at home dads and be proud too. Men can cry too. All these don't define manhood as much as being responsible for our actions and doing what's right. Kudos to Joseph for not running, and confronting what you need to.
Further edit - both Joseph and Brenda have grown so much! So much to celebrate even if you're still works in progress. Very very much kudos!
Admirable couple... definitely a model for growth-mindset: self- reflection, honesty, courage & compassion
Wow. This is definitely one of the best videos I've watched. Thanks Brenda and Joseph for opening up to share for others to learn. Definitely a good reminder that everyone is different and we all have to work through them together. I wish them nothing but the best and other couples facing the same issues.
Thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably. I have learnt much from your sharing. What you shared is so real and I hope that your story can encourage other couples who are struggling in their marriage.
It does seem like Joseph has avoidant attachment style and Brenda has anxious attachment style - the typical response which arises from a trigger is a trauma response which is to 'shut down' or get 'anxious (e.g. when can u respond to me)', as the amygdala in the brain overreacts. It can't be solved simply with talk therapy, CBT, ABC, etc. as somewhere within this response lies subconscious memories that unknowingly triggers this reaction. I think EMDR therapy would help tremendously to make your rs more fulfilling! :)
So real and helpful, thanks for being so vulnerable with us.
Thank you so much for the vulnerability. The struggles are real. I also experienced similar circumstances. Due to covid my husband was also jobless for 3 years, etc. My take is that the man’s make up is such that they need to have a proper job to feel their worth. It’s tough.
Hearing both of your sharing, I can only say Joseph is a great father. Losing temper slapping etc can be worked out. But his willingness and sacrificial commitment to the family comes from him within. Count yourself blessed
You can just tell that they have so much love for each other. What a great interview, thank you for sharing!
Great video. And so true - it's about growth within oneself. In my case, divorce was the right option - because he wasn't growing fast enough and I was wasting away. It's tough to know when to stay or when to leave.
this is really sad as i'm processing contested divorce. its really hard as my ex hubby to be only want me to lead the most miserable life ever..it is really tormenting.. its great to hear that both of u doing great..this episode is so touching..
We're so sorry to hear about that and hope you find peace in the road ahead. Thanks so much for stopping by 🤍
This was really wonderful and refreshing. All the best.
We think they’re great too 🥲 hope it brought you some life. thanks for watching!
Thank you for your honest open sharing. From my humble ooinion, slap is wrong, whether its dad to child, wife to husband, A to B. Having difficult feelings about a situation means perhaps the focus should be about addressing past unprocessed trauma. Tap on palm might be better than tap on cheek, which has an element of inflicting shame and increasing distance between the 2 people.
Thank you for sharing your story, Joseph and Brenda :) this might not have been easy to be this vulnerable to the world, but your openness will help relationships be revisited and possibly even be saved.
This was wonderful ❤️ thank you both for sharing and being so vulnerable:’)
I’m so proud of you guys that able to share what are the problems you guys are facing …… Take care guys……
Thanks for sharing such intimate moments of your struggles! If you would examine attachment styles, you could see the bulldozer being the anxious attached person chasing the avoidant man/ stonewaller. Somehow, anxious attached people and anxious people often ended up together. The idea is to try to be securely attached people on our own! Good luck
Great episode! Totally agree on the point on when you get married, you get far more lonely because the time you spend with people outside your marriage is lesser and this time further shrinks after you have kids. And yes, it is hard to find a safe and objective space to share your thoughts/struggle (as a wife or husband) in marriage.
Wow, very good video, thanks for being so open and sharing, even it means opening up their old wounds as they were tearing in some part.
Stay home dad role takes alot away from most men; respect, pride,masculinity. Many years later when his grandchildren ask what he did when he was younger, he probably will blank out again. Deep down he probably just want some respect, work normally and provide for his family. But then, a good man does not complain and whine like a little girl; Women have that right. A good man reposition himself. Start an online home business, and start bringing some $$ back home. It can start as small as buying and selling things off carousell. Many years later he can tell his grandchildren he took care of their moms and dads, and also ran a succesful business.
Your mental health and emotional trauma isn't the responsibility of your spouse. Sounds like she just cannot accept the fact he's a stay at home dad and she's the sole bread winner and does not respect him deep down. Slapping your husband in front of the kids and his own mother proves this point. This is unacceptable in any given scenario, man or woman.
Start being friends with each other first.
For his case, Slap the kids is normally not out of anger but rather lack of “absence make the heart fonder” because he stays at home all time see the kids alot….if he go out work, he will miss the kids
very good video...thanks for the sharing ❤
Different backgrounds, different upbringing. They have different views about how to discipline kids. Any couple should discuss this first and come to an agreement.
No matter what, the wife shouldn’t slap the husband infront of the kids and moreover at the presence of his mother. Thats so disrespectful. How would she feel if the situation was reversed?
Hey, you're right. None of that should have happened and we're not saying it's okay. But if you watch the full video - you'll see both of them admitting to their mistakes and trying their best for each other. Thanks for bringing this up, and for stopping by.
Agreed. But why is he a stay home dad? Doesnt sound like he has the patience to do that. Not everyone can stay home with kids 24/7 or most of the day.
@@lindc1070Yah. That’s the difference between him “being good with (other people’s) kids” before marriage VS being stressed with responsibility for your own kid.
@@pingteo6104 exactly. Its easier to be good with other people's kids , especially when he doesnt need to take care of them 24/7. He should just get a job.
We really have to discipline our children. If not, they will be disciplined by others when they enter the workforce.
There are different ways of.doing it. My parents never laid a hand on us yet we all turned out very well. They took the time to speak to us, explain to us.
Did they have therapy? How did they managed to come together today and iron out their differences?
Hello! They talk about it briefly between 30:34 - 32:44 :) Hope it helps!
Interesting honest view but i call bs on beliefs that kids don know anything and therefore don't need to be disciplined... if a light smack to a kid is abuse, what's a slap to a spouse...? And why bring another child to this world while you're finding your own footing (not wrong too !)
While I know and seen many wonderful dads, there is a reason why women make better stay-at-home parents. The nurturing nature in women are in-born, women become selfless for their children, and for some, other children. It's not difficult for us to sacrifice ourselves, in a heart beat, for the sake of children. Therefore, while many women do struggle to be a better mum, improving and evolving are also non-negotiable.
Maybe to improve things, Jo should not be a stay-at-home? Just my two cents.
Also, in my opinion, ain't right for her to slap him though...
Maybe he have very Tenpered parenting during childhood time
❤❤
Like, like,like, like ,likex1000
Brenda is a good mother. She had to stand by her gut and protect her children. I'm sure there was some guilt about not being home with the children as well, she had to trust her husband to raise them and she didnt feel like they were safe - it must have been so difficult for her.
On the contrary, felt that this is a passive aggressive toxic relationship. It would do both good to separate…. In my opinion.
Hiya, it's interesting to hear this. Care to share a bit more?
@@thetrampolineclub heya, I think it’s tougher to share more now that despite what they went through, they still choose to have another child? Tbh It’s just gonna to prolong their emotional distress as they need space to work on themselves first without the distraction of extra responsibilities aka children. Anyhow, 船到桥头自然直 or… when last straw that breaks the camel’s back, whatever the outcome I hope their children will grow up to be ok.
I agree with your point. It's quite evident.
nothing wrong with discipline but there needs to be a line drawn. the wife is right that he should not slap the 3 year old child. no matter hard slap or soft slap. a child can go deaf if the adult cannot control the slap. seems the husband cannot really control the anger and the wife also know
Agreed. That being said, lets keep the same standards and call her out for slapping her spouse in front of the kids and his own mother too. Thats unacceptable in any scenario.
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
Him being a stay at home dad is the reason he got slapped. Women lose respect for men who do not lead