Totally needed this, I cried in front of my Counsellor today, never show vulnerability to people. I felt ashamed for showing it, have waves of emotions going through me, trying to label them instead of just letting them happen. Thank you 🙏Trish by the way, not Puds
You explain things on a different level that resonates so much with me. Being authentic is something i struggled with without knowing why. It really helps to understand why I feel what I feel. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger but better late than never. Thank you:)
Thank you! I wish someone told me all of this too. The gift for me was in the discovering it on my own and sharing it with all of you! Never too late to get the golden nuggets we need ✨✨✨
Currently having this issue at the moment with a long-term friendship.... I'm -feeling- that something isn't right or safe, and I've done my best to raise it with said friend (perhaps could have done better though in my communication) & the response received has made me feel like my feelings were right, because now I feel more unsafe and it sort of confirmed my feelings. But I can't tell if it's "just me" as I had similar experiences in my 20s and everyone called this borderline. It's tricky getting that balance right between feeling reactive because you feel unseen/neglected, or a connection being genuinely unsafe (even if it used to be safe once) and taking action from that place....confused!!
My advice would be to LET IT HAPPEN and then react. When you preemptively do things they can seem like reactions to perceived abandonment and in doing this we abandon ourself!
Hmmm. I feel like I've been there, done that. I don't know you at all, but I'm sorry that you are going through this situation... Certain people that I know currently remind me of people that I have known before. If someone reveals themself to not know that friendship goes both directions, you would be better off without said friend in your life. Having said that, though, I am realizing that people are constantly growing and changing, and if someone doesn't currently know that friendship goes both ways, it doesn't mean that they never will in the future. Don't give up hope on people. You would be unhappy if you did. I can tell from your comment that you have mixed feelings... Take care. Susan
Hi! This reply is to Arras Healing. I was thinking about your situation. I think that it is in your better interest TO give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, you would expect history to repeat itself, and be afraid of it doing so. People CAN grow and change in a positive way. Don't let your previous history cloud your perception of your present. It will be okay! Take care. Susan
@@pointofnoreturn3103 thanks for your thoughts, Susan. I'm actually in the process of separating from said friend now, "breaking up" I haven't gone thru a friendship break-up for many years so it feels strange....but good too, I don't feel particularly sad or upset, in fact I feel quite relieved. ~Candy
Hi Candace! This is so clarifying! One of your examples reminded me how my mother repeatedly told me” your problem is that you don’t know how to love!” So I grew up fearing my love was not good enough or flawed. Falling in love was anxiety producing and filled with shame! I’d counter when a teen but just having conflicts with her meant in my heart she must be right, of why are we fighting ? I’m having some washing tears for that child of three and all years thru teen years. I’d like to join your Truth 4:12 group asap ! I’ll search for the link as I’m not able to join Emotional Rehab yet. I love trusting to experience whatever I feel and not judging it or making it mean something about myself that’s bad ! The slam: “you are too emotional “ still comes up inside. How do I treat that inner critic ? Why do we say cruel things to ourself? Thank you! Linda
I have a question? A friend theorizes that I have become MORE empathetic to other people's pain because of the sensitive nature of my own abuse. My husband encourages me to break the cycle of abuse and resentment. The only way to do that is through forgiveness- both for your own shortcomings, and other people's. I am of the opinion that it can never be wrong to love people for their potential to make the right choices. Each of us has our own decisions to make. IS this choice to love people what you are talking about? Connecting with your authentic self? ...It is nice to meet you! My name is Susan.
I learned to look at my feelings objectively and not judge just try to understand and let them go after honoring them by feeling the truth within. Btw Are you single? Will you marry me?😘
Having the permission to feel without shame will lead us to trusting ourselves fully
yes 100%
@@CandacevanDellThank you!
Totally needed this, I cried in front of my Counsellor today, never show vulnerability to people. I felt ashamed for showing it, have waves of emotions going through me, trying to label them instead of just letting them happen. Thank you 🙏Trish by the way, not Puds
Hi Trish! This sounds like a beautiful breakthrough!!! You are on the right path! I’m proud of you ✨✨✨✨
You explain things on a different level that resonates so much with me. Being authentic is something i struggled with without knowing why. It really helps to understand why I feel what I feel. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger but better late than never.
Thank you:)
Thank you! I wish someone told me all of this too. The gift for me was in the discovering it on my own and sharing it with all of you! Never too late to get the golden nuggets we need ✨✨✨
I think there’s a reason for universal timing. I’m not sure I would have been ready sooner.
I like the language that you use, very colorful and clear. Thank you ❤
Thank you so much!!
You are Great!!! Miss you 🙏
Thank you
Currently having this issue at the moment with a long-term friendship.... I'm -feeling- that something isn't right or safe, and I've done my best to raise it with said friend (perhaps could have done better though in my communication) & the response received has made me feel like my feelings were right, because now I feel more unsafe and it sort of confirmed my feelings. But I can't tell if it's "just me" as I had similar experiences in my 20s and everyone called this borderline. It's tricky getting that balance right between feeling reactive because you feel unseen/neglected, or a connection being genuinely unsafe (even if it used to be safe once) and taking action from that place....confused!!
My advice would be to LET IT HAPPEN and then react. When you preemptively do things they can seem like reactions to perceived abandonment and in doing this we abandon ourself!
Hmmm. I feel like I've been there, done that. I don't know you at all, but I'm sorry that you are going through this situation... Certain people that I know currently remind me of people that I have known before. If someone reveals themself to not know that friendship goes both directions, you would be better off without said friend in your life. Having said that, though, I am realizing that people are constantly growing and changing, and if someone doesn't currently know that friendship goes both ways, it doesn't mean that they never will in the future. Don't give up hope on people. You would be unhappy if you did. I can tell from your comment that you have mixed feelings... Take care. Susan
Hi! This reply is to Arras Healing. I was thinking about your situation. I think that it is in your better interest TO give your friend the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, you would expect history to repeat itself, and be afraid of it doing so. People CAN grow and change in a positive way. Don't let your previous history cloud your perception of your present. It will be okay! Take care. Susan
@@pointofnoreturn3103 thanks for your thoughts, Susan. I'm actually in the process of separating from said friend now, "breaking up" I haven't gone thru a friendship break-up for many years so it feels strange....but good too, I don't feel particularly sad or upset, in fact I feel quite relieved. ~Candy
This was perfectly said Candace!!!! Great video my friend!!
Thank you so much 🙏🏻
Hi Candace! This is so clarifying! One of your examples reminded me how my mother repeatedly told me” your problem is that you don’t know how to love!” So I grew up fearing my love was not good enough or flawed. Falling in love was anxiety producing and filled with shame! I’d counter when a teen but just having conflicts with her meant in my heart she must be right, of why are we fighting ? I’m having some washing tears for that child of three and all years thru teen years. I’d like to join your Truth 4:12 group asap ! I’ll search for the link as I’m not able to join Emotional Rehab yet. I love trusting to experience whatever I feel and not judging it or making it mean something about myself that’s bad ! The slam: “you are too emotional “ still comes up inside. How do I treat that inner critic ? Why do we say cruel things to ourself? Thank you! Linda
Omg Linda I totally resonate with this!!!! We can reparent your inner voice! Here is truth room link TruthRoom.candacevandell.com
❤thank you so very much for sharing you great powerful gift with us you have a perfect way of informing us and planting thee healing seed🎉❤
Wow thank you so so much! Appreciate you 💫
💜
💫🫶🏻
I have a question? A friend theorizes that I have become MORE empathetic to other people's pain because of the sensitive nature of my own abuse. My husband encourages me to break the cycle of abuse and resentment. The only way to do that is through forgiveness- both for your own shortcomings, and other people's. I am of the opinion that it can never be wrong to love people for their potential to make the right choices. Each of us has our own decisions to make. IS this choice to love people what you are talking about? Connecting with your authentic self? ...It is nice to meet you! My name is Susan.
I learned to look at my feelings objectively and not judge just try to understand and let them go after honoring them by feeling the truth within. Btw Are you single? Will you marry me?😘
Yes good work! And haha to tour questions lol
❤❤❤
lots of love back!