What to Say When a "Vanisher" Comes Back... | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs
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If you'd like the script for what to say when your vanisher re-appears, I've included that for you below...
What to say when your "vanisher" reappears and wants to hang out again...
"Thanks so much for calling, and I actually wanted to clear something up with you if that's cool.
The last time we were hanging out, you told me you were going to call me in a couple of days, and it's actually been a couple of weeks -- which is totally cool by the way. And I want you to know, that I’m really not interested in guys who don't follow through -- with guys who vanish and then re-appear.
I am interested, however, in hanging out with someone who follows through and does what it is that they say, and actually I find that sexy.
When you didn’t call me back, honestly, I was a little disappointed, because I think you’re intriguing. I think you're cool. But I’m not interested in hanging out with people who are vanishers. I’d love to hang out with you again, and I'd love for you to be honest with me, are you gonna be the guy who vanishes, or are the guy who follows through on what he says?"
Remember, the most important part of this strategy is to be relaxed, cool, and unattached to their answer. You're looking to see how he responds to your request that he shows up with more integrity.
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Mat Boggs Bio:
As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
Mat s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.
As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!
Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
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Real talk for a second ladies. If a man truly wants you. He will move heaven and earth to get to you. Broke guys, kids and sociopaths make plans just to feel good at the moment. Real men follow through.
You're so right,I found out afterward my ghoster had a suspended driver license ,no auto insurance, a criminal record yay long, I'd never guessed it by looking at him😔
Amen!
If he truly loves her and made it clear but she is unresponsive, he is right to walk away.
😁 Happy to hear that some guys actually have a heart and follow through with plans 🤍
It’s reassuring to hear that those guys really exist. But it’s hard finding them
Honestly? When a vanisher reappears, I ignore them. Just because someone contacts you, doesn't mean you have to respond.
One tiny flaw with this plan... if they are a 'vanisher', most likely they will lack integrity, and therefore wont hesitate to lie to you when you ask them whether they are the kind of person who follows through or not. So, effectively, your advice is leading your viewers into a trap where manipulators, who have already proved themselves unreliable once, can have a field day with them for a second time. Great job!
The real answer is, actions speak louder than words, and you shouldn't waste your time with anyone who ghosts you.
Well said, Nick, and very refreshing that you understand that. I let my ex fiancé do that to me three times! The first time he did it, he was gone for seven weeks! You would never think he was the kind of guy to do that.
I'm not making excuses for these selfish, inconsiderate ppl. I had a lot invested in him emotionally...no way I would ever go thru that again.
Excellent clarity
I think the same. Also the moment I realized that he ghosted me and I wasn't the (first) one he wanted to invest time on, I opened myself to other people already. Time is of so much value to me and I don't want to waste it on some bs. ☺️
06/21/2019
Nick W
Sooo true ... this guy is going on & on about talking/asking the "vanisher" questions; they DO NOT care ... they will vanish again ... trust it. As Dr. Phil says: evidence of future actions, look at past actions ...
Yes Sir!! Abso-'freaking'-lutely correct! Why don't you just teach the class? We stan a man of who keeps it all the way 💯! Now "that's sexy!"
As Maya Angelou once said " when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time "!
honestly, if he's a vanisher, i wouldn't go out with him again.
What to say when a vanisher comes back? You don’t say a damn thing. Someone ghosts me, we’re done. Simple as that. I don’t let ghosts come back to life. It’s called self respect and knowing you deserve better.
I had some asshole go from super interested, to ghost, then tried to hit me up again 2 months later. I’m like, oh helllll no. You fucked up. Ghosted that shithead right back. You don’t respond to me? I don’t respond to you, that’s how it works.
Too many words. A man who has been a vanisher, will be again a vanisher in the future. Silence is the best answer.
I apologize for too many words💖I completely agree💖
Me too..
Vanish go silent on them they
hate it but it challenges him as
🔑🔑he will run to you demand
Respect.....
Forcing him to lie
So so true
Ain't my job to teach a man how to love and respect a woman. A man vanishes, it's over.
Shannon, you are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are with a good man!
Amen!
I finally stopped replying to a vanisher, not easy but a relief.
This is so much work. It sounds like women are always in the position of teachers and mothering grown men and teach him social etiquette. I have yet to see a video or seminar that teaches men how to guide a woman into love or commitment or express emotion.
Yaaaa wouldn't that be nice
I did everything you mentioned in this video and he vanished two weeks later. 😂 Next time he calls, I won't even answer the phone. There's nothing left to talk about.
This is a bad advise. Could've just ignored him.
i’m sorry to hear, as that is hurtful.
I would agree- move on!
conflict resolution IMO is important for the long term
@@planetwalker798 I ignored him and moved on. It didn't even hurt.
From a gentleman's perspective: It's cruel and emotionally abusive to disconnect from another human being so abruptly without communicating the reason why or giving any form of a heads up. Generally, it's because men haven't been taught appropriate skills of communication, don't see women as equals or are emotionally cowards and don't man up to give the common courtesy of communicating directly and giving closure before moving on.
You are honestly so correct..thanks!!💝🎈
I wouldn’t even waste my breathe in talking to a vanisher at all. The biggest punishment for him is simply just to ignore him. Don’t block him, and let him see his every single text is delivered but just no reply at all.
Yes... that's what I did.
Never chase anyone who rejects you, distance them and move on as they have already proven their worth to you .
I have a theory on this: I think with dating apps men have come to think that they have a personal catalog of women available for them, waiting for them. So he sees you once and disappears because he thinks he has all these other women he can date and when he faces reality and finds that he didn't have SO many choices, he remembers "that cool girl he once dated" and calls back just like it's normal.
So? That's realizing you lost a good thing and made a mistake passing it up. I have done the same thing, realizing years later, wait, all those qualities I've been looking for, I ran away from 6 yrs ago, and now I've grown enough emotionally and am confident to go after what and who I really want. This guy, I told him the same. So, don't be so harsh against a man. We are human and our hearts put on their glasses at different times.
LISTEN the best advice, IGNORE and move on! DO NOT RESPOND, delete the text and go to the gym, eat ice cream, go shopping whatever.
Do not engage, this will lead to a dead end.
He could have been very sick or something happened, give the benefit of the doubt
Samantha León no no no trust me no don’t engage
Yeah, he'll probably Ghost again😒
Facts
Amen
This is also a classic narrcissist's techinique to testing the water. "Hey, you still thinking about me? You still want me? Great! Get back to you in a couple of weeks!"
alleycatalog for real😂
hahahahahahahaha, Lord have mercy on us in this world
Haha so true
SO TRUE!!!
No woman should spend her precious time giving that much of an explanation and oportunity to a ghoster. "You vanished? That's too bad (not)."
Honestly, if you want someone to take you seriously you need first to take yourself seriously.
There's plenty of good guys in this world, good hearted honest men. We just need to pay more attention.
If a guys isn't texting you every day. Those are the type of guys who text you when they haven't heard from thier girlfriend all day. And when they are with thier girlfriend they ghost you. If a guy takes weeks or days to text back your not his first option you may be the last thing he thinks about
I can't believe I'm just learning how to date and create healthy relationships at 41 but this is another nugget in my life notepad
Your response should always be “who is this?
Haha I've used that many times and I mean it. I also drop the ball with flaky friends who act this way.
Period 😂
New phone Who is this
Vanishing on someone is the most cowardly thing ! They NEVER deserve a second chance
There is absolutely no need to ask a man if hes the type of guy who follows through on his word when his actions have clearly shown he has not. The saying "Actions speak louder than words" exists for a reason.
Exactly!!!! Who is going to admit they don't intend to follow through?? The guy will say whatever the woman wants to hear and then vanish again. Men do not ghost women they are keen on. As you say, look at his actions.
I love when he says your man is looking for you right now... ☺🙂
Believe me , I've done ALL the things that Mathew mentioned , step by step BUT after s.t the guy I was dating vanished again ! Once a ghoster , always a ghoster ! The best thing u can do is to move on & forget all about him ! Don't let him mess with your mind & emotions!
It takes so much to get over a guy who vanishes and once again if he appears again that's like asking yourself do I want to go exert my energies on this vanisher again. Actions speak louder then words.
Say this to a vanisher: The biggest coward is a man who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of loving her. Thankyou for giving me the space to find my soulmate. I wish you all the very best.
Maybe it was you who had half witted intentions and he realized before you
Cringe
No hun! That is so cringe! Never even use or say the word "love" to someone who deliberately abandons and goes M.I.A. on you. You aren't or weren't married to them. So eff'em!
I did precisely that with a vanisher once and it all went down the same way the second time. My advice for dealing with vanishers: Tell them you have no time for their bullshit and to f off! They're only calling because they're bored and you're an option and they will treat you as such. People don't change.
Seriously these people are annoying
@@MsSmashone These people are not only annoying, they're arseholes. I don't need more than a one trial learning experience to teach me there's no need to give arseholes a second chance. I dunno why he teaches this. I guess to make everyone happy, even the ones who haven't been there yet, more clicks.
So i attempted this 2 days ago. He said he had a lot going on and felt that he wasn’t in control of things. So i replied and said i understand that life can throw us curve balls but going NIA isn’t ok. Or just communicate that you need space. He then proceeded to tell me I’m amazing and that he really likes me. I said thank you. Now to my “attempt”. He asked if it was ok to text me/call me. I said “no”. I said i don’t want Hudini coming and going. I told him he can text/call when he’s ok with not doing that. I told him “i like you, but i like me a whole lot more.” He replied with i respect that/ i understand. So conversation ended and he said talk to you soon. Haven’t heard from him yet. Definitely sucks but it sucks more waiting around feeling unwanted .
Hi Matt... For me it was more like he would get around to me when it was convenient for him, he broke his word all the time... I had the talk with him about respect and that my time was as important as his... He would keep me waiting, say he would be at my house at a certain time, be hours late.. or say he would call, and I would not get a call, or text. A day later he would have an excuse.... It's just rude and when it happens continually... It has to be stopped... So I broke it off. He has actually asked me to marry him!!! Can you imagine? He puts me last, this is unacceptable, he has asked if I'll take him back, says he'll be the man I want... I don't believe him.. I think he thinks I'm a door mat... Why wouldn't he just move on, I'm not giving him sex. Confused and tired
I didn’t sleep with mine either. I wanted to wait until i felt there was a good foundation. But that didn’t happen. I never heard from him after the talk. This was 2 weeks ago today. I did however see that he’s back on the dating site we meet on. 💔 definitely a slap in the face but better now than later. DONT SETTLE. If you are priority and he wants to marry you? Just let go. Don’t drag on the heartache.
Kita Montano Well said... He is still bugging me... More like calling me after half ass texting and then wanting to argue with me, like that is REALLY going to woo me back!! He must have been dropped on his head as a baby or something. I stand amazed... He asked if I would see him done time this week, can you believe., Then said he had to go as he had to run into the pet store really quick. When he calls me again, I'm telling him I see no future and to move on, there is nothing here to build on and I hope he finds what he deserves.
Something seems fishy with his behavior. Not sure. But you are doing the right thing. The right man will HAVE time for us and NOT have excuses. We are worth it all. Never settle. Not matter how lonely you feel. It’s better to be alone than to feel unwanted and not enough. ❤️
You ladies have got it right! Treat people the way in which they treat you. If they treat you with little effort, give little effort back. Maybe even no effort! We dont deserve crumbs. We deserve the whole sweet, delicious cake!! Its up to us to make sure we get that whole damn cake because we are totally worthy of it!!
I have super high standards for myself because I know my self-worth. If a guy shows no interest, I move on fast. I don't need validation from any man. The way I see it, it's his loss if he can't recognize what an amazing and unique woman I am. More women need to learn the value of self and not feel the need to be validated by any man. Never settle for less than what you are worth. I need to start my own TH-cam channel....seriously. Yes, Mathew's advice aligns with what I already believe. Props and good luck to all of you out there. I am not waiting for the right man because I wait for no one. I live my life to the fullest. The way I see it, a woman is the main course and the man is just dessert; the dessert (man) is not needed, but he, like the dessert, is a nice bonus. Peace.
Yoryona oh my, I hit the like button on the first few words, sounds like me...STAY IN PENTHOUSE, NOT THE BASEMENT
Amazing advice
When a “vanisher” comes back just ignore them!
The fact he’s just texting so nonchalantly and not calling speaks volumes. You should never be in a position where you have to fish for a explanation. Any guy who treats you like that should be gone.
Never take a ghoster back! If more women said no maybe guys would stop ghosting in the first place.
I don't think they care. Women just think too much. He wont ghost a girl if he likes her or cares about her feeling - just that simple.
Words of wisdom well spoken.
This is happening..
No answer is the best policy.
If a man likes or loves you, he would not put himself in the situation to lose you. He wouldn't be able to handle the thought that there could be some guy "next in line" to swoop you up!
Omg I cannot be bothered 😂 if he vanishes and wasn’t in some kind of serious accident or affected by a life or death situation, I’m not interested. You snooze, you lose ! 😂❤️
If a guy texts after WEEKS he doesn't want to just "hang out". His other options didn't work
👍
👍
A real man, a good man, is not afraid of love.
I gave another chance to someone who ghosted me..... and I got ghosted again. I gave him the benefit of the doubt the first time, mostly because I really really liked him. I was pleasant and casual in responding. I know I didn't do anything wrong this time. I see him for what he is now. He doesn't get a third chance.
Exactly never let the some snake bite you twice
same here.. i wont take him back either
How long did they ghost for? If one day goes by and I don’t hear from someone that’s ghosting to me lol
Literally experiencing this right now. I am happy in my own life, and am not attached to it. There are amazing men everywhere :)
Fuck that! When a ghoster reappears, it gives me ultimate satisfaction to ignore the hell out of that asshole! And actually, I DO have multiple guys offering to take me out so when the ghoster reappeared after 4 months, I ignored, then again 2 months later, I got the last laugh!
So he ignored your messages, attempts to initiate conversation?
Silence says it best . Let that GHOST rest in peace , BOY BYE.
Lol iktr
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂 😂 😂
GHOSTING is the most coward and hostile thing a person can do. Not breaking up just dissapeared. Let things hanging... The good news is that person is simply not worth it. A shithead. Actions speak louder than words... He walks the talk😉🔥
Right! That's happened to me! I know when I'm NOT wanted!! I had no choice but to move on!!!
This can really be frustrating..they text u morning, noon, and night for a month and then nothing..you really get attached to that person..so then mentally you have to take time to go through what happened, heal and move on..you're right about being grateful..glad he did this before I invested more..
Sometimes it's hard for guys to communicate that they're not receiving from you what they really want. You have to ask yourself, did you guys ever get intimate with each other? Did you ever initiate contact with him? Did you show him that you were really interested in him? If you didn't he'll either wait and see if you start doing so or begin to leave himself open for someone else who is willing to show him the same amount of interest. You have to assess your own situation but to me it sounds like it's a one sided thing where he's literally the one who's doing all the chasing with nothing to show for it. He probably feels like you were just using him for attention. And if you say you care but it's not worth it for you to reach out to him to find out what's going on with him, then im sorry to say that he was right for ghosting you and he can definitely find someone better.
@@rtorris3 how insanely rude of you. No one deserves to be ghosted unless you were physically or emotionally abusive. Any guy who can’t express that he no longer wants to see you is a complete beta.
@@sw8916 I dont care what you say. Anyone who has a disregard for someone else's wants and needs is selfish and they dont deserve a partner. What tf are u smoking?
My phrase for guys like these is: “They always pop up like a pimple on picture day.”
Because you’re living your life, everything’s good, and you’ve accepted that you’re done talking to them and there will be no hassle. Then the moment you’re having a big happy moment in your life, BAM here they are.
I literally had one pop back up and text me just 10 minutes before I was about to leave to go on a first date with a guy I had been getting to know.
Skye Norman it’s like they have a “fifth sense” & they just know when it’s time to pop up again smh 🤦🏻♀️
I hope you went on the date!
I got a text from a vanisher and just ignored it. He's ALREADY shown that he's a vanisher, so I'm not interested. He hasn't texted back and wasted anymore of my time . Problem solved!
That's happened to me too yesterday I got a text from someone I fell in love with last November we spent a wonderfull week together and were planning holidays then when I returned to my town after a couple of phone calls he vanished, but I could see he was very active on a dating website and had already ignored 2 emails one phone call my birthday Christmas. And i sent him 2 small gifts. I was mystified and puzzled and upset for about 6 weeks afterwards until I finally got over it and was reasonably content on my own again, then yesterday he sent 2 texts asking how I was after nearly 4 months. I've never experienced this before so strange, I hadn't replied, I don't like this treatment, it's confusing and cruel. I just think I was about number 5 on his list and all the others he's tried didn't work out somehow. I do like him but think he will vanish again when I've got attached. Don't know weather to explain all this as don't want to make a fool of myself again.
Ugh I have plenty of awesome men that want to take me out and I'm still stuck on my vanished. Smh. My ex went ghost on me out of the blue and I would blow him up send him text. I'd even go on a date and desperately send him a pic hoping for a response, NOTHING! (Backstory: he randomly told me on Friday he was going to Houston to see his daughter, which is a3/4 hour drive from where we are and he wasn't leaving till 7 or 8pm and was going to be back that morning. Right! Cause the baby is up at night, but I didn't complain or say anything. He never let me know he made it and he didnt call me until 3 that next day after i had already blocked his number. Eventually he called back once i unblocked his number and i still didnt pick up. So once i finally got out of my feelings and hit him back, he goes ghost on me. Won't reply to text or pick up my calls.) Needless to say, I found this video LITERALLY this morning and then go and check my call logs and guess who called last night. I didn't answer nor did I call him back, but I did express my feelings about how I couldn't understand why he went ghost on me, but he doesn't owe me an explanation and I have moved on at this point. I also let him know i forgive him. I feel a little better, just not sure if I should have said anything to begin with.
Lemon castle I probably wouldn't say anything to her at this point. I did send my vanisher a text this morning just letting him know I forgive him. It was more for me than him.
That’s exactly what you should do. This mans advice is horrible and demeaning to women.
I usually say.. Who are you? And then when they ask me out again, I usually say I'm not interested anymore (as other guys keep me interested and in the loop--of course I don't say this out loud) LOL.. People are busy but if someone really likes you, you don't even have to wonder where he is or what he is up to because he will be consistent in his actions and communication with you. Most of the reasons they disappear are they hit it off with someone else (which is okay) but they come back to you because it might not work with her or if he is truly busy, then he had better sort out his crazy life or schedule before even being ready to commit to anything or even just dating. So either reason, I just don't care enough to give them another chance...because there are other fish out there :)
I also believe that if he wants to take a risk of losing me and missing that chance of keeping me interested, then he's not worth my time. Because when I really like someone, I wouldn't also take that risk and make sure that he knows I care about him 😊
👏👏👏👏👌❤👀👂😁
He's so right about this; because if he can't follow through in the beginning, than he doesn't respect your time.
If they treat me like an option, i treat them like a choice. Bye 👋
Majestic Macaron damn straight
👍
Love it!!
My boyfriend just called after a month of vanishing and I used this technique. He got angry and said that he thought that I’d be happy that he called me. He said lots of things and I was silent and then he hung up. Later he texted to ask if I loved him. I ignored him.
blessing olomu sounds like you handled it perfectly and with class :)
Keep walking and don't look back. People don't change
Good for you girl!
Congratulations to you blessing! God will provide.
they come back because they failed to replace you. stop falling for it. move forward with your life.
Brynda Ellis YESSS!
No wrong! They're just going down the list. He's the worm seeing if you're hungry and naive
enough to take the bait.
"you're not judging, you're discovering"......that part is very good!
Because there are sometimes legitimate reasons behind people's actions, at least in the beginning of a relationship. People "size" each other up & actually discover if BOTH parties are interested in pursuing a relationship.
If a guy vanishes his interest is low and hes been putting his energy towards a other girls he is more interested in. Now that these options have dwindled he is back to you. No thanks. Only appropriate response is "who dis?".
YAS QUEEN
if a guy vanishes he already showed 'he's just not that into you'..
by giving him a chance and saying "are you going to be the guy that follows through"..will make him feel obligated even if he doesn't want to be with you...
ladies...if a guy vanishes...believe their insecurities the first time...
you deserve someone else...
True! True!
Dawn Rubin, you got a lovely smile!
I would already have blocked him off my phone after the first week of getting ghosted. Abundance? Doesn't matter if there are five other guys calling or NOBODY because I would rather be alone than waste energy on a loser.
Exactly.
Nice advice but my crush randomly ghost me and put me on seen after a convo while hes active and watch my stories. Ive been ghosted for a whole month and then he sends me pics of "our new house" bruhh im gonna get the trash bag asap
I've had this experience with my current relationship. In my case he had a huge fear of commitment from past experiences. I did confront him on it and he gave his excuses. But I also came to him in an understanding open loving way as much as I could. I just asked him to come see me when he could. His heart was beating out of his chest when he did get his courage up to visit again. I gave him a big long hug when he was expecting a huge argument. I learned that I was coming on too strong and he wasnt in a place to accept a person to love him. He didnt love himself. I gave him the lead for several months. I just made sure he knew that I care for him and he can relax. He has since corrected his own behavior and is attentive, focused and expressive toward me.
Anon Ymous this is great! I’m in a similar situation and my guy is really sensitive plus his father died a few months ago. We have both been through a lot of heartache but I still want to put up a boundary but not in a way where I’m coming on too strong 😛 it’s delicate
Thank you for your insight. I'm going through this very situation. He was in an unhealthy marriage, plus is a combat veteran, so he has PTSD. He tends to shut down very easily.
Lol that phone call is a lot of work
I called him out and he still kept doing it.
Now he's blocked.
Ghosting is one of the silliest things a person can do. It is so childish and disrespectful. No excuses are valid for such a behavior.
Hey friends I got my relationship fixed with the help of this great spiritualist who brought my ex after many months of separation,,
Here I leave you his WhatsApp. number he will surly help you
@Delia
WELL SAID
And I would add, clearly someone who doesn’t see or value integrity!
people that vanish and come back are just using you as a last resort. if they were really into you, they would make time for you.
Perfect...I just had a vanisher. Respected myself and he gave excuses. He is who he is and I'm moving forward with the next 5 guys😂....
Jerrie Edwards, you deserve better
Derrick Jxn has a better suggestion in responding to a vanisher/ghoster. BLOCK HIM sis. Adjust ur crown and move on. I like jxn’s advice better;)
Ladies this is the slow way but if you want him to get the hint quickly, you wait until he asks you out again and then vanish yourself
Exactly!!
👏👏👏😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Boom. Yes! Thanks for the advice Queen
I did this to a vanisher
He kinda clears his chats (telegram) and disappears
So i just simply stop replying him. Let him have a taste of his own medicine
So
When a vanisher comes back, I'll ghost them. I'll never look back
What if u love that person he loves you
@@faridaaali6170 No one who truly respects you would do that. And as far as I feel, true love includes respect.
By the time a vanisher comes back, I am likely to have moved on. He wouldn’t easily fit into my schedule no more so the answer is a no for me. Thanks for the video
If a vanisher comes back they are at your mercy. even the most stupid person is aware of this behavior. A 5 year old knows how to ignore someone. Give them an ultimatum, if they do not agree tell them to never speak to you again and mean it. this person doesn't care about you , they made that clear, they returned because they see you as a sucker or have their own voids to fill and are trying to use you for validation and an ego boost. the interaction and relationship is already doomed.
Best response: “glad you’re doing well :) Take care.”
Simple, Shows you’re not upset about it, you’re no longer interested, and you’ve moved on.
And that’s the end of it, don’t entertain him any longer.
Men who vanish the first time will probably vanish a second time. When a guy ghosts me, I'm just going to ignore and block his number. I'm not going to tell him how it made me feel or express to him how much I liked him and how his actions hurt me. It makes you look desperate and pathetic when you care about a guy who doesn't care about you. You're just giving the ghoster an upper hand.
I 100% agree with you! Well said!
I completely agree. Once a ghost always one
Right ending it by even saying don't contact me is ok too. Then block..they definitely come back.
On vanishes, I'd rather go with Derrick jaxns anytime. He calls this bullshitism and no woman should ever tolerate or even remotely accept them back
I was dating a guy and it dwindled off. I haven't seen him for a year and he texted me on my bday. What did I say to the vanisher? I said "who is this?" And he said it was him and, "aww you deleted me from your phone?". And I said, " well I havent heard from you in a long time. Thanks for the wishes." I think he got the message. If you haven't called me in 4 months and haven't seen me in a year, you're getting deleted. Permanently. Save your breadcrumbs for the duck pond. He's a big boy. If he wants to try to change my mind, he can call.
That's the spirit!
You go!! Love it!
That's my girl. you show them how it's done. :)
I usually find blocking any and every way they could possible contact you works wonders at preventing that
K ummm this will help you in relationships how? Stop ALL communication ? Talk things through guys.. geeze
This happened to me a few weeks ago I started talking to this guy texting and calling each other he seemed into me I was into him and then all the sudden he disappears for 2 weeks then I get a random text out of the blue "hey what's up I've been out of town is it too late for you and I to go out?" so of course I took the bait which I shouldn't have and we went out then the next day I never hear from him again. I texted him once just to say hey hope you're doing okay. I should never have even responded the first time he vanished on me I should have told him yes it's too late. so my suggestion to anyone who's been through this is to just ignore them.
it literally only takes a second for somebody to text you if they're really making an effort to keep in contact with you.
06/21/2019
jen j
I think he got hooked up with another gal & then for whatever reasons, stopped seeing her ... he may be just what used to be called a "player" ... don't know what the young peeps call 'em now adays.
This is a,good advice. Thank you..
I literary just got that text right now from a ghoster.🙄 cant be bothered to respond really - thats alot of dialogue n energy that he dont deserve. Neeext!!!!
A lot of dialogue and he won't text back 😂 and you'll feel like crap again. You'll be stuck on an endless loop
@@DallasJayCook Good on ya 😎 ex lover contacted me and ignored me in the middle of communication...only replied my email 2months later ...similar to you... I just played along : replied few days later...played it cool...exchanged phone numbers and he thought he could hook up with me lol 😂 only to be told “I don’t think so” the last minute when he texting wether we still meet up or not lol
Let them beat their own games
I did this, in a way, this weekend. Guy I had been out with a few times wasn't getting back to me, then when I would hear from him, there was no explanation, apology, etc. I called him out on it, and I got the clarity I needed from the answer. IE, he didn't apologize and I got the "I'm busy" thing. No worries, go in peace, and onto the next. I was nervous to do it, but so liberating and honestly - I would rather know now vs being in a relationship with him for a while and everything is on his terms. Great video!
Most vanishers just use you. You are just a back-up if their other plans go wrong. You are in the bottom of their list, obviously. So why should you invest in that? Cut all ties if they seem dodgy.
cherrylane79 I like your advice much better!👍🏽
The perfect advice!!
Totally true. When they fail to replace us, they come back... and then this becomes an endless circle.
This video makes sense but I don't necessarily think that "vanishers" return because they want to hang out. I think that for some of them they get some kind of ego boost over the fact that you still answered their texts, even after they disrespected you by vanishing. I think some guys enjoy playing games and just want to check to see if they still have you on the hook. My "vanisher" took the defensive stance of blaming work for keeping him too busy. I did follow the advice in this video. He seemed interested, made plans but vanished again, only to reappear 3 weeks later with a, "Hey, how've you been?" text. Prior to all this he and I were friends and I had caught strong feelings for him. I blocked his number for good this time. Us women need to stop allowing vanishers to return to our lives. Ignore, block, and move on. Maybe then that'll teach men that it's not acceptable to do that.
Burner Email they just want attention after the tramp they left you for drop their ass...men suck soooo bad they can't stand their own company...a woman will stay single to work stuff out mentally and emotionally...a dumb ass man will dump you and gave 3 other women on stand by....
I blocked three men already. Two years ago, a year ago, and a few months ago as well because my feelings can no longer tolerate this kind a type of behavior. I am too tired already to keep dealing with such a disaster.
I was this direct and he apologised and promised to do better etc and then did exactly the same thing. Next!!!!
😅😅😅
😁😁😁😁😁😁
Exxxaaaaactly.
6 years old and this video still has fresh comments… it’s a good one
I will ghost him for few weeks too! So he knows how it feels. I think it’s more effective when they experience the same thing as we experienced...
Becca L but what if my vanisher comes back after ghosting him but he still won’t ask me out, just message and that’s it? What do you think about that? I have ignored him because he won’t make a move but I feel confused because he texts me every other three weeks or so.
@@rinva4680 be direct . set a standard.
To be honest, (I've experienced this) as tempting as it is to want to keep in touch, I would take a big step back and think long term...is this what you want for your future, a person you can't rely on who disappears and doesn't own up or make plans? The answer should be no to all three. Cut it off girl, save yourself time and meet better men.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.
María Maldonado keep on ignoring him. I know how that feels! It’s his problem not yours! Don’t be part of his problem!
"Love Abundance mentality ", really? The best thing to do is not to allow anyone to disrespect you a second time around. Find someone who actually respect from the get go! This person actually saved you alot of time because they revealed their character from the beginning.
Truth!
No judgement on ghosting, walking away or vanishing but the only thing more pathetic than one returning is the one who receives them.
Love this! "when you didn't call I was disappointed. Are you a man that vanishes or a man that follows through?"
Well, hopefully you never have to use that line 😂
although I agree that way works, my feeling is that I want to meet a guy who already knows how to show up. I don't want to have to teach a guy HOW to show up. That means I am raising a child.
Rebel Channel Without a Cause amen!
If I’m that easy to leave... that door is shut & locked 🔒! I’m not a ghost buster 👋🏼
Hayley Wibbles, you are absolutely gorgeous,hope you are with a good man!
@@lioydwilliams1850 nope single
@@hayleywibbels4105 wow!,I am Lioyd from the States.You?
@@lioydwilliams1850 yes
@@hayleywibbels4105 wow!,are you on hangouts or Gmail so we can always talk?
nothing has ever made me lose interest faster than a guy who keeps vanishing lol. no one has time for that.
I noticed in the comments below that many woman forget that men are just as scared of being hurt as we are. Some ghost looking for the bigger better deal but some ghost because things feel so right they are either afraid it's too good to be true or that they will fail you and screw it up. Matt you are absolutely true when you say the attitude you present is the attitude reflected back to you by the people around you both male and female. Words matter!!!!
A Taylor this is so true. This happened to me. And hey...we are happy now.
That's rare though.
Ghost back... period! Make it permanent too. Your dealing with someone abusive.
Hey friends I got my relationship fixed with the help of this great spiritualist who brought my ex after many months of separation,,
Here I leave you his WhatsApp. number he will surly help you
Ty
ah F**k this! If they ghosted u and came back, you SET ur boundaries girl! You tell them: I give opportunity, but if u going to treat me the same way again, don't even worry bc u best believe u wont hear from me again. Don't tolerate disrespect, don't chase. you attract, u don't chase
I don't know. To me when a guy acts like that I completely lose interest. So I don't want to spend my time and do these things. I just block the number and don't deal with him anymore.
nichegoseberazdvatri me too
This! Block his ass!
I told him to go away when he tried to come back. So he did!! Whew!!
So much talking and so much advice on something that is a complete waste of time! I agree with everyone here who say that you shouldn't waste your time with a vanisher. Seriously. Vanishing is never ok, and when it happens, the person is showing you what you can expect later on, only much worse. Vanishing is showing zero respect - why would you want to have any further interactions with a person like that? You deserve so much better. There is no point asking him questions or looking for closure. People who vanish need to know that if they pull a trick like that, it's over, so they think twice before doing it and hurting the other person. If they're crap at communicating their feelings whatever those feelings may be, well, then they need to man up and learn how to do that. Plus, the vanisher might be a narcissist (they looove to play games like this) and if you question him about it, he'll know you are still confused and hurt, and that's exactly where he wants you to be. So, no. Do not reply to a text from a vanisher. If you happen to meet them face to face, be nice and smile but keep the conversation minimal, don't hang out with him, let him know he has zero chance and walk away as soon as possible. You will be doing yourself a big favor. Do not waste your precious time!
grynai exactly!!!totally agree with you !!!💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
grynai thank you, I needed to read this comment!
The comment section is so much better than the actual video.
Except ive done this exactly word for word based on this. The guy said :I'm sorry your right I am a person who follows through." Then we hung out once more, he vanished again for a month after he said hed call me the next day after we hung out. Then he popped back a month later asking me to hang again and I ghosted him. Haven't spoken to him since. I just pretended he died.
I will do the same back guys dont like when woman get revenge and do things back to them they get all mad and play the victims to make womam look she was in wrong when she was not
That's the point, as I see it. You do this and let the trash take itself out. So, if he talks a good talk, but doesn't follow through, he was BSing, because he felt pinned up against a wall. His disappearance proved he can't be straight up. Perfect. He saved you a whole lot of time. But, I've found some men do actually straighten themselves out, when you call them out nicely. If you attack, they (so would you) become defensive. But, if you're nice about it, the ball is fully in their court. The right guy will say it AND walk his talk.
😂
When someone tries to come back, I usually respond with "I'm sorry I changed phones and some of my contacts didn't save, who is this?" They will respond with their name and maybe a reminder of who they are. My reply: "I'm sorry I don't believe in ghosts." This drives the point across fast to which they will either run or apologize. Either way your standards will be clear.
Christina Jordan Yes!! 💯💯
Im borrowing that!
Hello from Egypt ... Thank you for great advice ... this is the first time I see a man explaining truly how men think .. your videos helped a lot.
If a guy does this, one of two things are going on - 1) he's testing you or 2) he's the type of guy who will not follow through. If a guy starts things out this way, I would be wary. I'm not going to waste my time with someone like this. He's already proven he can't be trusted.
If a guy is gone for a couple of weeks, he is not into you at all in my opinion. I would not even entertain that with a response. I would be too busy dating the guy who did call and follows through every time. End of story.
Exactly
Dedra Allen why has mine just stop calling on imo I've done evey tbing for him even when he was realy I'll got a plane out there got him a good doctor just text me in the morning saying you ok bb and that it what can I do I'm geting less intrested now
move on. Save your self and time. You have one life. One life. spend it wisely.
Well you gotta step your game up if you don't want him to vanish cause let me tell you if you don't put your part the real men you actually want will vanish
Once a vanisher always a vanisher!
"Discover who they are and whether they are your man or not" is the word to save your soul because women invest too early thinking the man is "their man," but the man has not declared anything. "Discovering how he responds" is also the most useful advice. Dating is about discovery. Thank you for this video. God bless.
You know what I say to a vanisher......... nothing! If a man isn't afraid to lose u ur not the one. Guys go hard 4 wat they want.
Appreciate video content! Forgive me for butting in, I am interested in your thoughts. Have you considered - Vanmily Menichael Breakthrough (google it)? It is a great one of a kind guide for finding out more about your partner to improve your relationship without the normal expense. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my cousin at very last got cool results with it.
But we do it bc you guys vanished first. So what’s the point if your not interested. I’ll just move on!
I believe a mature man is a aware that he " ghosted" someone.
if he appears to me again, I have to "ask hard questions"
(tell me what is going on)
(i want to be with a guy who makes me feel safe & available)
Let's be all adults here.
If he backs away after the " talk", it means he...
Does not like accountability.
Is not determined to make the relationship to work out.
Like a real man should.
Excellent post.
I will never take a vanisher back. The last guy I had a relationship with for 8 months ghosted me without a reason. It's the most disrespectful thing you can do. Three months later he sent me a message wishing me happy birthday with a big hug like nothing happened. And a lot of lame excuses why he pulled back. I just gave him a cold 'thanks' (not even a 'hi' or 'hello') and deleted his message. That hit him hard because he probably expected a different reaction. I will never trust this guy again. After that haven't heard from him anymore. I'm done. Next!
Great..
Same here just a thanks
"Love abundance" guiding your emotional state. Love it.