Life Begins At 40: How To Escape The 'Rat Race' & Take Back Control Of Your Life | Adam Grant
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ส.ค. 2024
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We live in a world that celebrates and rewards talent. Whether it’s gifted students, outstanding athletes or born musicians, we applaud those who get there effortlessly, instead of those who travel furthest to reach the same place. In doing so, my guest today believes we also overlook our own potential to do great things.
Adam Grant is an organisational psychologist, University of Pennsylvania professor, podcaster, and the bestselling author of multiple books. His latest book, Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things, is a thought-provoking look at what it really takes to succeed, how to find joy in progress, and why the true measure of potential is not how high you reach, but how far you came to get there.
Adam believes that many of us rule ourselves out of learning more or trying harder because we lack self-belief and strength of character. But character, he says, is not innate - it’s a skill we can learn. If your personality is how you show up on a typical day, then character is how you show up on a hard one.
In our conversation, we discuss how every single one of us can unleash our own hidden potential. We discuss the importance of character skills such as generosity, why it’s good to be one of life’s givers, but how it can lead to burnout and threaten our potential.
We also cover perfectionism and discuss why this trait has been on the rise since the 1980s. From a fear of trying new things, to a refusal to work on your weaknesses, it’s clear that only accepting your best is a sure-fire way to limit growth.
Adam also explains why hobbies are so important for us, especially when it comes to beating burnout. We also talk about the importance of flow state and the best ways in which we can parent our children to enable them to achieve their own innate potential.
Adam’s philosophy is that confidence is a result of progress not the precursor to it. This conversation is jam packed with potential - especially if you use it as a springboard to take action.
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Life has begun for me at 40❤ I changed more in the years between 39 and 41 than I ever have!
Do u have children? Or did you miss out?
AM 39. Am good at teaching , training and school system development . What shall I do to be a millionaire ?
Thanks a lot for your deep inspiration !
I have 3. AndI want to make a difference on my life. Am good at teaching , training and consultation on Education industry . Thanks !
wheres the timestamp guy when we need it :D
Being a giver is different than being a pleaser. Healthy boundaries are crucial.
truth, society stereotypes are always the easiest to blame (coming from a former pleaser)
Where my patnaz come from we call dat standing on binness
I don’t play when it come to da cash flow
I'm just a receiver. All, send gifts 🎁 asap! 😳
Giving is a plus , giving to charity for example.
I’ve had some form of hobby since I was a kid. From basketball to skateboarding to snowboarding. Some I feel to my own detriment because I was so satisfied in my hobbies I never excelled much in academics or career. Now with kids I surf so infrequently I took up running again and calisthenics, strength training every other day with one day off. It’s been nice to have this feeling of accomplishment before I even get to work. It also gives me a reason to go to sleep on time. I also can have a small smirk externally or internally reflecting on it.
I can relate with your problem surfing infrequently. I'm basically mirroring your thing with adopting calisthenics. If only surfing were a weekly thing I could do in my neck of the woods...
In nursing school years ago the phrase, “see one, do one, teach one” was part of the learning experience for new tasks. With each new task we learned we would first watch someone else perform the task, then we would perform the task ourselves for another student then finally we would teach the task to yet a different student.
“We oughta be paying less attention to starting points and more attention to trajectory” 🙌🏼⚡️thank you for saying this, I’ve been in education for 8 years, and I wish more people were talking about this
Spaceship trajectory, Ironman suit.
Thats such a good point how the kids who are basically experts at 10 have been trained since they popped out of the womb and regular kids feel they aren't good enough because as kids we don't know whats really going on.
Well-I’m 63. I spent a life lost in other people…whether teachers, parents when it started and all the criticisms and crap started. From there college…same crap. Got terrible advice from my HS guidance counselor who was chiefly focused on my gender role expectations, who also lacked vision about the coming changes especially in media and tech. Found ok ways to make money. A smaller time entrepreneur but also other more conventional ways of going about a career or working for someone…in my case a civil servant. More college…Masters…more crap. But an ok career kinda. Some bad leadership in job. Then there was life…and at this point my being gay just made things way worse. Too much discrimination etc. threats of job loss and harrassment from people just wanting to give me shit. Then there was trauma on top of all that, or maybe underneath? Starting childhood and though adulthood by crap you don’t see coming, like 9/11 or Covid etc. oh-and then there are the natural choices we make to get healthcare support. Doctors and even psychologists -way too many bad ones…they got me hooked on pharmaceuticals. Ha-overcame that addiction which almost killed me. I’m still standing. Went deep into my own life to improve myself and try to overcome the trauma. What I think about lately is how society (and family) really did some terrible things that just got in the way of me being a really great contributor to our society. Why? Why do we throw so much crap at kids that become teens? Then more crap they thrown by bad bosses or local governments at us. We are too often put into terrible environments. I also failed to super achieve the kind of Financial success though came close for a good while. I did plan, did save. But Now-at 63, may eventually end up homeless given how costs on everything from housing and so on have sailed out of norms we ever anticipated. Owning a home is now a luxury. Who owns real estate and how is everything rigged? I got knocked down time and again, got up but sometimes a bit slow. What happened to investments and savings you may ask? Ha. Had to trust a partner while sick me unable to care for myself due to extreme illness. Stole my money.
I understand your discussion. But, it’s insane to think that people won’t succumb to the crap and insanity of being human. Sure-it’s a great talk, but seriously, how about you have a panelist who advises what one can do at this stage of life to start over? Most all financial advice in terms of wealth building (which I did) is about the long timeline of slow investing in the market (and savings). However, sometimes one faces catastrophic events that wipe out savings and completely disrupts all that you built. Now what?
I may sound whining-but I am genuinely grateful to have survived it all and to be alive. There are gifts I’ve learned that have made me someone I now love and take very good care of. This is not to say I didn’t take care of myself in the past. I just do it in ways I have come to understand differently and as a result of “waking up” to the deeper truths of life and self. I have found true success in peace and contentment where nature is my “church” and my dog is my best friend. I do my best to enjoy the small things. However, I find humans and society pretty insane so unless you commit to a path of giving and expecting nothing from anyone (like was stated in your show), know that you are on your own and that they only person who is truly on your side is you by yourself. Solitude is your best friend. I like your Chanel and this is some of how I get my sense of others and the goodness of humans.
I might be in a state of languishing in a way. I’m not sure? I do get frustrated. I know there is a degree of real disappointment of life….mostly in other humans. I am trying not to allow myself to slowly and without awareness sink into a kind of bitterness. I do have a practice of forgiveness. I have recently decided to not worry so much about missing out on a more robust social life. I just can’t put up with the drama and nonsense anymore which disrupts my sense of peace me and actually I have better ways to spend my limited time. I find interacting with strangers (even on a deeper level when possible) nearly always delightful.
Also, I have discovered that SLOWING DOWN is key. Reestablish the pace of life in a slow living way. Mindfulness, breath-work, meditation, exercise, yes-play, carefully choosing what to expose your body and mind to by carefully curating food choices, who I let into my life, who healthcare providers I take advice from. CONTROL is such an illusion as defined by society etc. we have control over very little. Our attitudes and the thoughts we choose and beliefs we rest on. Yes-stop doing and just be. Literally no-thing.
Sounds like you'd be a more interesting interview!
You are the real deal. Being resilient
I am coming to same conclusions from your last paragraph in my mid-life…
Thank you each for your thoughts. I will take them as genuine compliments. I have come to understand that the more I know, the less I know…
Where does responsibility come into all this?
I agree with Adams advice to Dr. C that it helps the listener when personal stories are added after each topic …. Giving examples makes the information more tangible. Great podcast! Love the parts about giver-taker and the release of perfection. Thank u♥️♥️♥️♥️
I turned 40 on Black Friday. This video is so interesting. 😮
My mind is too simple to experience any kind of "crisis" and I consider it a good thing. All I care about in life are results and getting what I want, right now. If it doesn't lead to that, I don't care, I don't want to know, I am not going to bother. Anything that is beyond my ability to control or change: It is what it is.
Happiness comes from balance of hardship and successes. It's boring constantly being successful. And it's painful to always fail. It's when you come over the hardship into success that you feel happy. So constantly challenge yourself with something you may or may not achieve. Small and big challenges
I remember being told I wasn't helping in volunteering for my daughters elementary school. I looked that teacher straight in the eye, told her I was a busy research scientist and she should "ask one of the dads"
What are you researching?
How to be a ‘b’ most likely. Lol
What a wonderful conversation - you’re both clearly such incredible individuals bringing your authentic selves to help others. Thank you both, I’ve learnt loads and am taking away useful actionable points 🙏🏽
One of the best podcasts I have ever listened to! Your questions were so on point and hit the nail right on the head on so many topics-- questions I had but never had access to an expert to discuss! Great great job!
AWESOME! This is probably your best and most helpful podcasts yet. It's both insightful and actionable. Totally got into the questions at dinner table. I'm going to listen to it again.
I'm looking forward to another conversation with the two of you. 💞
Gabor Mate also talked about the roles women take on, endless giving and the negative health impacts that follow.
1) embrace your nature or you will never truly be happy 2) helping others is literally how you make money. 3) men basically plan on making enough money to either support a woman or be of interest to them… if men do all this to attract a mate, giving back a little won’t hurt the female race. (lol)
Thank you Dr Chatterjee, the world so needs people like you.
Oh man, a line from the film "Peaceful Warrior" comes to mind: "...and when you finally are in the here and now, you'll be amazed at what you can do, and how well you can do it." -Socrates (Nick Nolte) ❤❤❤
People have forgotten how value experimentation of the self. It used to happen out of preservation and vague goals. One was willing to take risks and grow.
I'm 41 and just got offered a management job which requires me to leave my union. Ppl in the union telling me not to leave but I feel like if I don't I'm just stuck in a dead-end job. After much thinking I decided to take the job n go bck to school. I need to try tired of the same routine n no growth.
You probably made the right choice 👍👍
I hope everything worked out for you! I just turned 40 and making a life changing career change get after it we only have one go at life make the most out of it.
This was Amazing. So insightful and useful! I will definitively watch a couple of times more. The role playing at the end: I love it
Thank you so much for raising the issue that women are penalised for boundary setting. It’s something I’ve observed in three decades of my career. And just a shame that it might take two men talking about it here for positive change to occur.
Don't be afraid of hitting the reset button - super helpful and really resonates with me. Thank you!
Great conversation….I loved it!
Dr Ragan is really into this (scored 9 but couldn't improve a bit, itself proved human perfection biased) dialogue and the subject matters as he speaks louder and faster 🙂
A super-contend dude/ no strings attached (for 5 minutes or for life) giver: fill yourselves first, and then ONLY will you be able to give to others 🙏🏻
I can’t remember who it was but a professional debater said that society has lost the ability to have a proper debate. People have beliefs they take as fact and get angry when challenged… so we learn nothing. Not even trying to understand different points of view
Indeed. Debating should be fun!
Brilliant minds! Listening to this conversation is so satisfying ❤
Thank you for the thoughtful questions and absolutely wonderful answers.
I have always enjoyed and learnt a lot from Adam grants work but Rangan got the best out of him by taking him into a very insightful world which lead to a beautiful conversation.
Really interesting discussion. From a work point of view, I am a male nurse - currently single and without children. I am the person within my team that is often looked to to pick up the slack or work out of my remit. There is a sense that I have the time and energy to be more selfless at work because my personal life is not littered with other responsibilities, even though I have had partners in the past and needed to support unwell parents and siblings at times. Women, especially mums, are often seen as the burden-carriers in society but I often find mums, and parents in general, quite selfish members of society. I understand the premise of prioritising your family but I think it is important to demonstrate to children that caring for other people outside of the family unit is equally rewarding and important socially. Sadly, I think this inherent sense of 'I'm already to overloaded with my own problems to care' is transferring to many children nowadays and there is a real break down in pro-social awareness. Interestingly, the parents I work with often cite their family responsibilities as their reason for investing less of themselves at work, yet supposed 'family time' seems to involve very little familial interaction or positive characterful activity.
Sometimes I think that people use their “family” but especially their children as a kind of human shield. This sounds harsh, I know. It’s just one more way people use something outside of themselves to gain a sense of control through some kind of personal avoidance (in this case some “sacrifice”).
If you are not there for your kid you shouldn't be a parent
There's a lot of people who are parents who are clearly not able to be there for their kids. Raising children involves sacrifices that some people can't manage. I really think the complexities of having a family and raising children should be addressed as a priority in education. It's no good just turning out loads of new babies into the world to keep the population high if a lot of them are not being raised properly. We'll end up in a situation where the majority of people are not contributing positively, but are actually a disproportionate drain on the world
@@yaroslavaliashenko5948
Is no one going to mention the colour coding of the books?
Really enjoyed listening to both of you. Thank you.
Wonderful conversation. Thanks to both of you!
This was absolutely amazing. Thank you to both of you ✨
Bang on the questions of my days❤❤❤
10:31 Adam’s ears pin back when he laughs 😃 So cute 14:56
It would be ace to chop this down in to sub-sections if possible? Makes it easier to sus it out and see if its what yoh want to spend time on. Good podcast mind. Thanks very much.
This was an 11 to me ❤ I love this podcast
Life is too short to "settle" with inauthentic circumstances that destroy our soul with burnout
This is such an excellent conversation! Thank you so much!
Loved this podcast! This podcast has become the best medicine 😊
Beautiful closing assessment
Pathological giving is a form of taking, taking external validation.
I think it’s also known as people pleasing?
That was an awesome talk, so many aspects and concepts that I've been processing for a while and conclusions I'm reaching as I'm going through my own mid-life crisis in a way.. thanks for confirming my analysis 🤸🃏🌓
Loved this episode ❤️ I just added the book to my reading list!
I'll LOVE to have a chat with those 2 guys, they rock, nice podcast, no doubt
Great podcast, both of you. What was mentioned in the end made me think that what we like as humans is not perfection but authenticity, variations, personality and all the small and large imperfections. AI will soon produce perfection in many areas, while humans will produce variations give everything a uniqueness through imperfections 😊
what baffles me is how come Adam has has such an empirical and nuanced information about how ppl experience at work when all his life he has been in academia which would typically come across as theoretical...no disrespect to that
🎉 Thank you very much 🎉
A lot of these things you know already but you can benefit massively by hearing it from someone. It's very different to looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear.
Great conversation, thank you both.
Thanks for pointing out the disparity and bias regarding giving amongst different genders.
Great conversation❤
Interesting! Thanks!
I have reached most of my goals, I need some new ones to give me something to live for, ha.
Incredible insights thanks
Amazing podcast!! Very helpful
Great talk show, with very helpful insights.
Nice work Rangan.
I like the last part very authentic. Very Human
Loved the ending 😊
GPA also disadvantages boys who are slower to develop mentally than girls. Richard Reeves has an interesting theory where he says boys should start school a year or teo later than girls so they wre better matched mentally
So many great ideas shared in this interview! So much work to be done. Self care seems to be the first step in combating burn out.
This is SO good.
Low expectations. That is the key of happiness
Great pointers!!!
Great interview
At 40 I hope life does start at my age. 😊
I'm turning 36 this year and life hasn't even started for me, I too hope it all falls in place cause this is too much. I've been unemployed for a year and more
My daughter is a perfectionist and I do not pressure her at all, it comes from her. I wish she would relax and stop ruminating because she is burnt out. It's not totally right to blame parents, some people are just born perfectionists, and for sure social media does not help.
It's been my experience that many girls and women are naturally wired to be perfectionists, and agree that social media doesn't help because of they crazy beauty and lifestyle standards it presents as normal. I went to an all girls private school and looking back the pressure to have perfect grades, AND be pretty, AND clever, AND have the perfect boyfriend, AND pursue the high profile career was very intense. Women are natural people pleasers and hate taking risks, a recipe for controlled perfectionism.
The wish to get into flow state can become a form of addiction
Question: "Rate me on what I could do better."
Answer: "Don't ask to be rated."
Very general conversation, not heard specifically the subject topic...where is timecode ?😅
I understand what's being said about GPA trajectory and GPA average. The GPA trajectory can help identify potential. But it also needs to be said that advantages can benefit all of society, not just the individual. The child who was born to, say, a musical virtuoso, and started practicing the cello at age 3-- sure, the kid had an unfair advantage, but still has something outstanding to offer to society by dint of those countless hours of practice, and guidance from his virtuoso parent. Why should society not benefit from it? The kid who was maybe born to two research scientists, we get it, the kid outperforms everyone in his class in math and science due to his advantage --- but instead of simply branding that advantage as unfair, we could focus on how society can get some benefits from that advantage. Maybe, if fostered properly, that kid could go on to create a breakthrough treatment for cancer. Civilization is supposed to build on achievements of previous generations. We should also one hundred percent help disadvantaged people achieve their best potential, but those two goals need not be mutually exclusive.
Nice!
Why is heart disease and death from cardiac arrest largely present in people of Aryan and African descent? Also, why are psoriasis and vitiligo more common in Aryan descent? I have a large group of questions that I am searching for answers to.
Surprised you did t talk about listening to music whilst doing a task or hobby. Can it help or hinder?
Adam overthink too much instead of just enjoying life. After this podcast I realized I’m not as perfeccionist as I though I was😂
To have a good 40 and further one needs a wise 14 to 39.
Looking at life many women in their 60 plus is sad. They dedicate their entire life for family with no training on how to, simply to be rejected after. They get totally lonely as they age or codependent. Unfortunately they live much longer, Like 80 plus miserably. That’s horrible.
To have a good 5 min one needs to just focus on 5 min , never mind the age ❤
Mo money more problems bro, not rocket science. Happiness does not come from perma hustle, it comes from spending time with family kids and friends. Don’t get fooled by expectations or greed, it’s the default.
What if the problem is not impostor syndrome or underestimating yourself if the people that don’t believe in you are the ones who hire or promote?
Pushing prosocial goals for children is another side of the same coin. The kindness trope, is an easy go to when parents are pushing their kids to follow their ideology (religion for example). Yes there are worse ones. If the parents are doing a good job of affection and wisdom, positive modeling, the natural inclinations of human behaviour should show themselves in the children's behaviour. Obviously this is all individual dependent, ie genetics.
25:22 burnout/hobbies
Rangan.. what I think you can do better is.. be quick with your explanation. It'll too long winded. Keep it concise. Otherwise I love watching your videos
Heck it’s not my experience it’s actually the other way around. I tell ppl what to do most of the time 😂 i do work very hard thou, harder than most ppl, it may seem like i do everything very fast, but it does take a lot of work to get to where i am at. Most ppl aren’t willing to spend the efforts, and yet they say they want to be like me, but they can’t because they’re not willing to go the extra mile. I don’t care abt them, i just focus on myself.
It took me 8 yrs to get a 2 yr degree my associates
been thru it. i just ate some concrete
Wonderful podcast with insightful information. But I disagree about multitasking. Most mothers with small children multitask every day efficiently. Maybe it's a woman's special skill..
This interview is all over the place. Not getting anything solid from it
You are a proponent of selfless giving, yet you site data (clinical and research) indicating that women in particular burnout frequently from selfless giving. In my family relationships, I do a lot of involuntary giving. My dependents can’t afford the lives that they live.
Note no mention of developing granular emotional intelligence.
That's when I gave up
Too late 😂
aren't some women choosing a partner that needy and selfish and then complain about how they end up? You can blame society stereotypes all you want but in the end we all make decision how and who with live our lives
Some men hide that side very well until later. They should grow up.
What's a point of this video you just need to accept where you are with your life that's it
Check out what Quran says about how to navigate the age of 40 - Gratitude!
Surat Al-'Aĥqāf (The Wind-Curved Sandhills) - سورة الأحقاف
And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims."
Beautiful, as someone who is 39 and panicking - this is just what I needed! May Allah SWT bless you ❤
All respect but this didn’t really address midlife crisis other than find a hobby.
Everything was good in this podcast until he started to talk about women being in disadvantage. I don’t really know where he’s getting his data from
I hate when speakers pander to particular genders or groups.
I know right? Thank you for pointing that out. I mean he is a college professor at a woke university.
You could make an evolutionary argument to say that because women are the birth givers and caretakers of babies/ children, they have a more natural tendency to help and self-sacrifice.
They are 100% right
It tells me more about you than them tbh, and they are 100% correct
This doc babbles a lot 😊
Waste of time
Heard first 20 mins of this conversation…..Absolutely no relevance to the title
Also general chit chat - nothing special
This channel has a bunch of adds literally every 5 minutes. The worst I've seen in my 15 years of YT. Last time I'll be visiting.
The doctor needs to show me health. You being overweight can’t teach me to be of normal health
Yes they can relate to you but they need answers and results which the doctor can’t give.