// MERCY SEAT // about the song It’s difficult to put into words what the last year and a half have looked like for something that has been a pretty large part of my life. I started (the autumn) 11 years ago with the sole purpose of sharing my testimony and sharing the Gospel of Jesus through song. In 2014 I approached a friend as I was looking for someone to add some harmony to a song I was working on for a project in one of my college classes. She agreed to help and her voice took my project to the next level. That friend was Ali Roth. Over the next six years God took (the autumn) on a journey that included three worship albums, our songs being streamed in 161 countries, and some of the most powerful moments of worship together with our community. Our families grew, as did our influence. We had some incredible experiences and met incredible people along the way, and in 2020 our friend Briana Wyzinski joined our small collective. So often when we get into the rhythm of a good thing we don’t anticipate anything ever interrupting it. We imagine what the logical next step looks like. We think we see the way forward, and so that’s the path we set ourselves on. But sometimes reality comes crashing down in the hardest possible way, and with it the tragic reminder that life is fragile. I’m August of 2021 Ali was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. The prognosis was devastating in of itself, but even more devastating was that in just four short months Ali was no longer with us. It was a dose of reality that came too quickly, too abruptly to even begin to wrap our minds around. In an instant life was changed forever. A husband became a widower and two young boys lost their mother. A loving mother and father lost their daughter. Siblings lost their sister. A community was tossed into mourning. I couldn’t begin to understand the path that now laid ahead of the rest of us, and (the autumn) was shelved indefinitely. On top of that, my ministry life had gone through a significant change. The worship ministry I had spent the last 8 years leading at our church was now a closed chapter, and I was stepping into a new role at our satellite campus. All at once I felt everything I had been building was suddenly whisked away. Over the next 15 months I walked through grief I had never experienced before. Not only was I grieving for the loss that I felt, but even more so for the loss that Kyle and his boys were walking through. There was one thing that remained consistent through the valley: God. There were moments that I felt I had lost sight of Him, but God certainly never lost sight of me, and each time I would find my way back to my guitar or piano I would sense the Lord’s gentle patience as I tried to navigate and wrestle with the flood of emotions and questions that enveloped my mind. I often tried to compartmentalize my grief, because honestly, compared to what Ali’s family was walking through, it felt unimportant. A few months ago I had an honest conversation with my wife about where I was at with my grief, and I believe in that moment the door was opening for God to truly begin the healing process in me. There was a sense of relief that washed over me that for the first time I was able to verbalize my grief to someone. For the first time in a long time I could see a light in the valley of my grief. I still didn’t know where things would stand with (the autumn). It was hard to imagine continuing on, until the Lord reminded me of why I started (the autumn) to begin with. To share my testimony and the Gospel of Jesus with as many people as I am possibly able to through music. So on Friday, January 6th I sat down for the first time in 18 months with the intention of putting pen to paper and writing out a song of testimony. It was so freeing and at the same time incredibly painful to revisit memories and emotions I had long put away. Last Sunday, January 8th, I sent a text to a friend who I sensed needed some encouragement. In that text I sent Psalm 121, which says, “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.” That same morning I read that Scripture in front of my congregation during our time of worship together. As I read those words aloud, it hit me that I needed to hear those promises just as much as I had felt my friend needed me to share them with him. It became the final piece of the song God had impressed upon my heart, and that afternoon I had felt as though I had a complete picture of a new song. This past week I had the opportunity to share that song at a prayer retreat made up of pastors and leaders from all over our denomination’s Philadelphia district. It was hard enough to describe where the song had come from, let alone knowing Ali’s husband was in the room hearing me describe pain that no doubt is greatly magnified in his own life. As I shared the song I felt the Lord’s peace wash over me and flow from my lips. There was freedom, and there was healing and whether anyone in that room realized it or not, they were witnesses to it. I would be able to share that song again the next evening with that same group of people, and this time I could hear the room filling with their voices as the echoed the words my heart had poured out the night before. So, I share with you now, those who see this, my first step out of the valley, “Mercy Seat.” For now it’s just on my TH-cam channel, but on Friday, February 17th you’ll be able to find it on all of the music streaming platforms. The song is primarily out of Psalm 121:1-2, Philippians 2:9, Psalm 139, Romans 3:21-26, and Matthew 11:25-30. My prayer and my hope is that this song can speak into your own life and your own grief, and draw your eyes and heart heavenward, that you would be reminded that God’s mercies are new every morning, that His love is unfailing and unending, and that even in the valley He is still working, still healing, still doing miracles. For as long as He allows me, I pray the ministry of (the autumn) will continue to glorify God and draw people to His throne and into His loving presence. And in that way, I know, too, that the memory of Ali and her passion to worship King Jesus will live on and continue to impact lives for His Kingdom.
Chris, I just found your latest song, Mercy Seat, and the beautiful testimony that follows it. I am so proud of you and Jessy. I love your music and how it's focus is on bringing glory to Jesus. And, as I have told you before, it is obvious that you are a gifted preacher. God is using you and Jessy in His Kingdom, and He has much more for you. With love forever. Grandma.
I have loved your music since the very first time my husband introduced me to it. I can't begin to imagine the grief you have all experienced. This song is such a beautiful testimony and pouring out of a heart in that place though and I thank you so much for your ministry and continue praying for you all as you continue to walk through this grief journey!
This is beautiful Chris! So proud of you for writing again and I can hear Alis harmony throughout this whole song and I love picturing her worshipping above with you!
![(the autumn) - Give Me Jesus [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jG1QJAaSUkw/mqdefault.jpg)
// MERCY SEAT // about the song
It’s difficult to put into words what the last year and a half have looked like for something that has been a pretty large part of my life. I started (the autumn) 11 years ago with the sole purpose of sharing my testimony and sharing the Gospel of Jesus through song. In 2014 I approached a friend as I was looking for someone to add some harmony to a song I was working on for a project in one of my college classes. She agreed to help and her voice took my project to the next level. That friend was Ali Roth. Over the next six years God took (the autumn) on a journey that included three worship albums, our songs being streamed in 161 countries, and some of the most powerful moments of worship together with our community. Our families grew, as did our influence. We had some incredible experiences and met incredible people along the way, and in 2020 our friend Briana Wyzinski joined our small collective.
So often when we get into the rhythm of a good thing we don’t anticipate anything ever interrupting it. We imagine what the logical next step looks like. We think we see the way forward, and so that’s the path we set ourselves on. But sometimes reality comes crashing down in the hardest possible way, and with it the tragic reminder that life is fragile. I’m August of 2021 Ali was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. The prognosis was devastating in of itself, but even more devastating was that in just four short months Ali was no longer with us. It was a dose of reality that came too quickly, too abruptly to even begin to wrap our minds around. In an instant life was changed forever. A husband became a widower and two young boys lost their mother. A loving mother and father lost their daughter. Siblings lost their sister. A community was tossed into mourning. I couldn’t begin to understand the path that now laid ahead of the rest of us, and (the autumn) was shelved indefinitely. On top of that, my ministry life had gone through a significant change. The worship ministry I had spent the last 8 years leading at our church was now a closed chapter, and I was stepping into a new role at our satellite campus. All at once I felt everything I had been building was suddenly whisked away.
Over the next 15 months I walked through grief I had never experienced before. Not only was I grieving for the loss that I felt, but even more so for the loss that Kyle and his boys were walking through. There was one thing that remained consistent through the valley: God. There were moments that I felt I had lost sight of Him, but God certainly never lost sight of me, and each time I would find my way back to my guitar or piano I would sense the Lord’s gentle patience as I tried to navigate and wrestle with the flood of emotions and questions that enveloped my mind. I often tried to compartmentalize my grief, because honestly, compared to what Ali’s family was walking through, it felt unimportant.
A few months ago I had an honest conversation with my wife about where I was at with my grief, and I believe in that moment the door was opening for God to truly begin the healing process in me. There was a sense of relief that washed over me that for the first time I was able to verbalize my grief to someone. For the first time in a long time I could see a light in the valley of my grief.
I still didn’t know where things would stand with (the autumn). It was hard to imagine continuing on, until the Lord reminded me of why I started (the autumn) to begin with. To share my testimony and the Gospel of Jesus with as many people as I am possibly able to through music. So on Friday, January 6th I sat down for the first time in 18 months with the intention of putting pen to paper and writing out a song of testimony. It was so freeing and at the same time incredibly painful to revisit memories and emotions I had long put away.
Last Sunday, January 8th, I sent a text to a friend who I sensed needed some encouragement. In that text I sent Psalm 121, which says, “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”
That same morning I read that Scripture in front of my congregation during our time of worship together. As I read those words aloud, it hit me that I needed to hear those promises just as much as I had felt my friend needed me to share them with him. It became the final piece of the song God had impressed upon my heart, and that afternoon I had felt as though I had a complete picture of a new song.
This past week I had the opportunity to share that song at a prayer retreat made up of pastors and leaders from all over our denomination’s Philadelphia district. It was hard enough to describe where the song had come from, let alone knowing Ali’s husband was in the room hearing me describe pain that no doubt is greatly magnified in his own life. As I shared the song I felt the Lord’s peace wash over me and flow from my lips. There was freedom, and there was healing and whether anyone in that room realized it or not, they were witnesses to it. I would be able to share that song again the next evening with that same group of people, and this time I could hear the room filling with their voices as the echoed the words my heart had poured out the night before.
So, I share with you now, those who see this, my first step out of the valley, “Mercy Seat.” For now it’s just on my TH-cam channel, but on Friday, February 17th you’ll be able to find it on all of the music streaming platforms. The song is primarily out of Psalm 121:1-2, Philippians 2:9, Psalm 139, Romans 3:21-26, and Matthew 11:25-30. My prayer and my hope is that this song can speak into your own life and your own grief, and draw your eyes and heart heavenward, that you would be reminded that God’s mercies are new every morning, that His love is unfailing and unending, and that even in the valley He is still working, still healing, still doing miracles.
For as long as He allows me, I pray the ministry of (the autumn) will continue to glorify God and draw people to His throne and into His loving presence. And in that way, I know, too, that the memory of Ali and her passion to worship King Jesus will live on and continue to impact lives for His Kingdom.
Chris, I just found your latest song, Mercy Seat, and the beautiful testimony that follows it. I am so proud of you and Jessy. I love your music and how it's focus is on bringing glory to Jesus. And, as I have told you before, it is obvious that you are a gifted preacher. God is using you and Jessy in His Kingdom, and He has much more for you.
With love forever. Grandma.
I have loved your music since the very first time my husband introduced me to it. I can't begin to imagine the grief you have all experienced. This song is such a beautiful testimony and pouring out of a heart in that place though and I thank you so much for your ministry and continue praying for you all as you continue to walk through this grief journey!
Thank you for your kind words, Becky. Grateful for your prayers.
❤️❤️❤️
This is beautiful Chris! So proud of you for writing again and I can hear Alis harmony throughout this whole song and I love picturing her worshipping above with you!
That is truly a beautiful thing to envision, Jade.