tbh Elzani, I think you need to move away from this idea of the best day ever, and the first day of proper recovery etc. This is a journey, you have been on the road of recovery, you've reached a cross road now where you've decided to step up your game and eat more, this isn't a new start, or the first day of proper recovery, this is just you carrying on with what you set out to do. I recognise this behaviour because its something I do too, and I challenge myself every day to stop starting anew, stop trying to make every day the best and just be. Recover is not a straight upward line, its got ups and downs. Much love Elzani, keep going for it.
Lady Hayley you are so right, it really is a journey! That’s actually what Alisha said to me tonight, I’ve been recovering and doing well I just need to do better now! I think that there will always be ups and downs, just like with life!!!
@@elzani6744 I feel you and your family need a constructive plan for recovery. It isnt a matter of just "do better". Elzani, you need therapy. Please consider talking about this (maybe you have done therapy or maybe are afraid idk) but you know you need more than food challenges.
Elzani - you have been doing very very well so far. Give yourself the credit that you deserve! You are very hard on yourself! It’s great that you are so willing and open to pushing harder, further. That is what is going to get you recovered. But, please please please be extremely proud of all you have done and how far you have come! So proud of you!
you are right, I think that Elzani needs therapy. Elzani dont be afraid of it. It is actually so helpful and rewarding to have someone neutral to talk to. 💙🍀
@@elzani6744 I guess this "first day"-thing is a symptom of perfectionism. Wanting to do it "right" from the beginning, so calling it a new start when it didn't work out immediately. Perfectionism is rather part of the problem than the solution, I would say. Progress, not perfection it is!
Be careful, don't let the fact that you're _telling_ yourself you're doing things differently fool you into believing you're actually making changes. You said your breakfast was your first ever real recovery breakfast but it wasn't different from what you would eat before. You even said you still were hungry afterwards. A real change would have been to keep eating until you were full. Good luck, I'm sure you will get there with the support of your family and viewers 💪❤
Girl, I strongly recommend a therapist. Not intensive care, but just someone to talk to for advice and keeping you motivated and accountable. You don’t seem to be gaining enough and you are risking permanent damage to your body
Elzani, just know that it’s fine if you eat things on your own. Your mom doesn’t have to eat everything with you. Trust me, if you start being more independent, you will progress way more.
One thing I’ve noticed is you are very ritualistic in eating. You tend to plate your food very nicely and then talk to the camera for a long time before eating, and you do the same with snacks. I think it would be a good challenge to try varying not just what and how much you eat, but also the ways you eat. Sometimes plating food but sometimes just eating from the bag or snacking as you go.
I really think you would benefit from professional help 💖 I’m so proud that you’ve realised that you need to move forward and not get comfortable where you are in your recovery! We all support you
Girl listen, I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart, if you only focus on gaining weight without psychotherapy you will be dealing with eds all your life, even at a restored weight. It's now or never.
Couldn't have said it better. An eating disorder is a psychological issue and therefore a psychological therapy is necessary and crucial. Thanks for sharing that !
You should do a challenge day where you don’t eat the same amount as your mum, but TWICE as much as her! And then... ya know... do that everyday. Because recovery. 💕
Tigerlily That’s not how recovery works. Like, at all. Recovery is hard work. It’s uncomfortable and difficult and awful at times, but it’s something she (and everyone else with eds) has to do. You can’t just decide to ”eat regular” one day, and then magically your ed will disappear. It’s a struggle every single day, and noone but herself can do it! However, she will most likely need a lot of help, support and guidance. For example, she needs to get a perspective on just HOW MUCH you actually have to eat during recovery! You will feel stuffed and bloated a lot of the time, but you can’t avoid it if you really want to get better.
Well done you for acknowledging that you need to increase you intake and for challenging yourself..but this still isn't enough food, my dear. A bowl of cereal and a bagel for breakfast, then nothing until lunch..? Can you try to fit in a few decent snacks throughout the day (not just at bedtime)? It takes so much to gain weight, don't forget that. You can do this! x
I’ve noticed that you always eat the amount your mom has or less. I’ve struggled with the same thing; other people around me always had to be eating more in order for me to eat a certain amount. I think your mom should portion out everything you eat and make the choices for you - let go of the ed control factor of everything you eat
In my opinion it seems that she cannot eat "alone": I mean her mum is always by her side...but that is not normal!! Try to eat for yourself. Your mum might be supportive but elzani, if you really want to recover and become an adult you have to make it for you, and that means that you also have to be strong enough to eat for yourself and not for others 💕
Elli Fee yes I do agree with this, but the eating disorder can become so loud that doing it on your own is very difficult. As of right now, it seems to be how she is staying accountable. Eventually I believe she will make all her meals and snacks by herself and enjoy life with independence and freedom from eat eating disorder voice
Your an absolute inspiration and a clear fighter! ❤️ I have some suggestions to help with recovery which I’ve learnt along the way: Getting a therapist, even if you think you don’t need one, it really vital in recovery. The food and weight is only a fraction of the full disorder, and it’s impossible to recover unless you address the emotional and cognitive sides as well . Adding in drinks with main meals like juice or hot chocolate or milkshakes is a great way to get calories in . It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t be eating the same as your family, you NEED to be eating a whole lot more ! . You do have to eat until your uncomfortably full sometimes because your stomach has shrunk and stretching it back out to a normal size will be uncomfortable! . Sometimes a rough meal plan can be a good idea if you’re struggling to gain weight. Not a calorie controlled one because that’s unhelpful mentally, but you can get a rough one with portions which isn’t necessarily a step back but rather a big step forward in helping yourself
Can I ask you, as someone who looks knowledgeable on the subject, why is she always taking extremely little bites in front of her family but when she eats alone she seems fine? Just curious. And is she aware, at least from editing, how much she's trying to stretch the time before actually eating the food in front of her? I don't have an eating disorder and I root for her but I'm getting frustrated seeing her doing all those abnormal things over again and I'd like to understand why
I think she probably wants to still eat slower than them/make her food last longer so she's not encouraged by them to have more when she's finished? Sorry I can't explain it more concisely! @@ewajackowska4115
@Ewa Jackowska I obviously can’t answer for her, but only from my experience. Usually when around other people when eating anorexics feel even more hyper aware of their behaviour. Also, anorexia is a very competitive illness and so sufferers don’t want to be perceived as eating faster than others- they must be the slowest (otherwise they feel that they are greedy). It could also be anxiety; eating infront of people is often more anxiety provoking than eating alone and so anorexics tend to put off eating as much as possible. One last thing is that when you starve yourself for a prolonged period of time and then start to allow yourself food again, your body becomes SO obsessed with food that each mealtime feels like a momentous occasion and you feel the urge to drag it out as long as possible x
I know you haven’t asked for my advice or opinion so feel free to completely disregard what I offer. I feel like you’re focusing too much on the food part of recovery. Recovery isn’t just about weight restoration, it’s about life restoration and creation. What is the life you want to carve out for yourself. Unless you want you’re entire life to revolve around food forever, I think it’s important to find your passions, rediscover or discover what you enjoy. With more energy and a different mindset you are able to determine what you want in your future. I started this and it helped me stay motivated as I could see what my life would be like if I wasn’t held back. Sure it’s great to get excited by trying new foods but the novelty will finally diminish and it’s so helpful to know what you are fighting to achieve. Food will be an still be exciting inclusion once you recover further but it won’t be all that’s there. Keep going and keep playing and exploring what you love in your belly and in the world xx
What a beautiful comment. You're right. I'm much older than Elzani and have battled an ED for over 30 years, and I wondered right before seeing your comment if following my passions would help to heal me. When you have an addiction of any kind, it's as if you are trying to fill a hole in your soul. There's a need that's not being met. But maybe engaging in things that may bring you joy is part of filling that hole. Thank you for your insights. 😘xx
Today is the first day of the rest of your life!!! Embrace it!!! Let your Mom help decide your serving sizes until you're well enough to recognize how much you need to eat. You need three times as much as someone that is at a healthy weight. Your body is working hard, thus needs to be fed. I don't know if you're seeing a counselor or therapist, but I think it would be best. Addressing the real reason you're punishing yourself. Elazani, YOU ARE WORTH BETTER! YOU ARE IMPORTANT! YOU ARE LOVED! YOU DESERVE TO BE NICE TO YOURSELF!!!! You wouldn't treat a stranger the way you've been treating yourself. Think about that. YOU are the most important person in your world, so why shouldn't you be treated the best? LOVE YOURSELF! You are worth it! @Elzani
So proud of you! I'm proud that you'v'e realized you're not quite eating enough and for trying to do better. Keep reaching for a healthy you and a healthy future. I believe you are a lot stronger than you think you are.
Ah Elzani, im so excited for you and your recovery journey. Im glad you have realised youre not eating enough, i personally struggle with my ED the exact same way. I tell myself that "Today i am officially beginning my recovery" but after a few days i get scared and anxious from eating "a lot" , but thats the good thing! It means that your ED is being challenged, as long as you keep going and dont get intimidated and back down, each day will get easier and easier. We can do this! We can fight our ED's together, youre not alone Elzani, we're here with you all the way, we can support each other through the good and the bad days. ♡♡ Also, whenever you feel anxious or down, just remember, that the feeling is temporary and you'll feel fine later on/ in the morning, it happens to me ALL the time, but for some reason i dont tell myself this enough when i do end up feeling that way. Anyways, i just wanted to give you some advice on how to manage some of those feelings if you ever come across them. Good luck Elzani, all the love and support from Ireland ♡
Your mother is lovely. I imagine her struggle with watching her daughter go through this hell. I can see she is tormented by it. I can also see how badly she wants you to do better. You are beautiful, Elzani. Keep going!
To listen to her daughter only talk about food and ocd about repeating the same words about food must be exhausting. I think when you're ill you forget obsessing about food is still abnormal. Even if it tastes good it's not the focus of conversation around every meal. She's so patient, I had anorexia when I was 16 and my mum would tell me to shut up about food- in a wierd way I think it helped because I left home went and got a degree and focused on life. She was so right food is BORING compared to LIFE. When you're doing that food is just something that fuels it. I've been recovered for 12 years and this video gives me the upmost respect for my family's patience even though they lost it with me. I think I'd do the exact same because it must be devastating as a family to see someone almost possessed by and illness when you know they have somewhere in their would buried their real passions and focus 💔
So glad to see you taking that extra step, I think many of us have realised you've been stagnant in your recovery and I'm so glad to see you taking the step into REAL recovery ❤ We all believe in you and we'll all do our best to keep you accountable!
I think a therapist and a dietician would be a very beneficial addition to your wonderful family on your recovery journey. Don’t overthink new food, the most important step initially is weight restoration. Baby steps You just need to eat challenge with variety later on when you’re stronger physically and mentally. Wishing you the very best.
I understand how important the pursuit of normalcy is in recovery... I understand that you just want to eat normally like everyone else does and for things to just go back to the way they were, but it's unfortunately not something you can do right now. You do have to eat a lot more than what is "normal", because your body needs to heal itself. Recovery is about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust your body for as long as it takes, and eventually things will go back to normal. I promise. Keep your chin up Elzani, you're doing so well
Hi Elzani!💜 This is my first time commenting on a TH-cam video. I’ve been watching you, for the past month or so. I live in Barcelona and have also struggled with an eating disorder for about six or seven years and it’s hard, I know, to change habits which you’ve carried for so long, I completely understand. But I have to say that seeing you try so hard has given me strength, and I am positive you’re going to recover. You just have to be persistent and eat five meals a day every day!! Know that you honestly inspire me and that I’m proud, though I don’t know you! I know it’s weird hahah but I felt like I had to comment. Good luck, I’ll be following you along your journey to REAL RECOVERY!!!🍀🍀
Carlota Solans hi Carlota! (Beautiful name btw) just wanted to say what a lovely comment for Elzani, and to wish you luck on your own recovery journey 😊 health and happiness is waiting for you babe! 🕺💕🕺xxx
I think you are doing a fabulous job Elzani. Some of your videos are hard to watch because you take so long to convince yourself that is ok to eat the food that is in front of you. But it’s such a joy to see your face full of satisfaction and achievement when you finally do try something new or something you haven’t allowed yourself to eat in such a long time ☺️ I get it. I know how hard it is to face your fear foods and break the food rules you have lived by day in day out for so long now. The good news is you have lots of insight into anorexia and you have the inner desire to get better and learn to live a life where food doesn’t control every thought process and decision you make. Wishing you all the best and know it’s not only your family...but a whole heap of us (from all over the world) supporting you all the way. Everyday is a new day in a different direction. Enjoy the beauty and lessons life throws at us on the good days as well as on the bad xxxxx
I'm currently in recovery too and the number one thing is to, on top of family support, have the support of a therapist who can keep you accountable. You are not restarting recovery. This whole thing is just a long journey where changes have to be made in order for you to live the happiest and healthiest life you can possibly live. I don't know what I would do without my therapist who has not only encouraged healthier eating habits but doesn't tell me I'm crazy for thinking the way I do when it comes to food. She makes me feel normal and like recovery isn't some massive mountain you need to get over. Instead, think of it as little hills. Deal with things one by one instead of forcing unrealistic expectations upon yourself leading you to go back where you started. Good luck! I'm here watching and supporting and really hoping for you to improve. Lots of love.
Do you have any therapy? Because honestly those sessions are what got me weight restored. Gaining weight is very hard to do and is something people overlook. Therapy is crucial for recovery. Also you have been doing real recovery, stop being so hard on yourself girl ❤️
Ditto, I had personal therapy and family therapy, and a dietician, I've fallen many times in the past 20 plus years but without those I wouldn't have been able to move forward at all x
Yey!! But Elzani, this is still not enough! You should have more food than your family! Add a morning snack and you probably need nutrition drinks (or change them for more snacks). When i needed to gain weight I had 3 big meals, 3 snacks + dessert and 3-4 nutrition drinks. You need A LOT
🙌 and healthy bones and being able to have children if you want to . I had to have an infusion last week to try and make my bones stronger (even though I'm weight restored) 26 years old and already have osteoporosis
I'm so so proud of you for acknowledging what you're doing!! Eat what you want and until you are FULL!! We all believe in you so much and know you can do this xxx
Elzani, I've been watching your videos since November of last year. First off, thank you sooooo much for filming your ED recovery with such a public audience! It takes so much courage and strength. Second, thanks for being honest with yourself and us during the highs and lows as many of us experience when we are on the recovery journey. It's nice to know that I, and others are not alone and we can be there for one another in our times of struggle. Be proud of yourself for the work done thus far! That is something I need to work on...giving myself a pat on the back when I've done something hard because it wasn't easy. Keep going girl! You got this! We all got this!
But are ya sure? I'm intrigued because Setarah means star in my language, Farsi, but I doubt that's the reason behind her name. Elzani is totally new to me though!
Elzani i just adore u and the family! I honestly believe you need to get meal replacement drinks and also eat food on top of thec) drinks! like boost or ensure or carnation breakfast drinks! :) it's what I do!
You can do it! You’re so so so worth it and you deserve to feel happy and good in your own body.. you’re so very beautiful and you seem like you have so many people by your side looking after you and being there for you.. keep pushing! It will get better I promise
Keep going lovely, you have got this! You are doing so well and so proud of you for pushing yourself further. Its not 'proper recovery ' now , your just taking your next step , its all a process , dont undermine the work you have already done and how far you have come! Be careful not to fall in to the trap of trying to make recovery perfect, as you have explained previously yourself , Anorexia its not just about the food, its can invade your whole mindset and alter your evaluation of everything you do. Keep fighting lovely, you are amazing x
Watching this made me really happy! I think it’s a really good thing that you’re trying to increase your intake to try and get fully recovered some day. I’ve been watching your videos for a long time now and I just wanted to say I’m really proud of this one in particular ❤️
I'm super proud of you for realising that you need to push yourself further in recovery! I honestly think that finding a therapist will be of great benefit! Love your videos btw, keep fighting girl xxx
You've got this! be strong increase your amounts dramatically on your meals don't waste any more of your life with this illness I have wasted 18 years of my life to it and it's not worth it I regret not trying to recover earlier as the longer it goes on the harder recovery is do it now babe , you can do this you have made a great start but you need to start gaining proper weight now you will look amazing in the end x x 💜
Having been through this and recovered myself (3 years recovered now, crazy 😅) I understand your mum is such an important part of your journey. However a lot of the time you eat the same amount as her! I’m not saying this is bad because well done to you for being able to challenge yourself in such a way, but really to get better you need to be having much more than she is! My mum always used to say it to me because I’d worry about having more than her, your mum isn’t in recovery, she doesn’t need all the extra calories to stay healthy. Your mum can eat a normal balanced diet because she hasn’t starved herself for years. You need to remember that and just do it! I think you’re on your way there though which is amazing. So so proud, you’re gunna make it, I know it ❤️❤️❤️
ur so relatable okmg ive also been maintaining for the last months bc im just so scared but i also decided to "properly recover" yesterday and am finally ready to gain some weight after being underweight for so long. ur channel motivates me so much even though ur vids are like 5 years old im so glad u made these videos and talk about ur thoughts, u make me feel so much less alone
Sweet girl. I can see it in your soul that you are determined. Recovery is suppose to be filled with ups and downs, the good and the ugly. Recovery isn’t suppose to be complete smooth sailing. Allow yourself to have your bad times. But also allow yourself to nourish so you can flourish ❤️
Your mother is like the sunshine!!! I envy you a lot that you have such a lovely family who try to support your recovery! Your sisters, grandma, grandpa, dad and mom! It is very sweet that your mom tries some food with you! I am trying to recover, but I have no one to shear the moment to enjoy having snacks... I think those enjoyable atmosphere would help us having less food restrictions and get to know that how to enjoy food without freaking out.
I think you should acknowledge your progress as well. Of course without staying at the same level and you definitely should eat more. But you shouldn't beat yourself up for the past and you should celebrate small steps as well. Keep looking forward not backwards. Recovery won't be a linear process. Proud of you that you try to eat more ❤️
don’t put yourself down, you may have had some fallen moments but it doesn’t ruin your whole journey. it’s going to be long, it’s going to be hard. you will find what works best for you! but please remind yourself what you keep gaining. you’re eating more than you used to, thats something to be proud of! just keep building it up and you will gain that appetite. dont worry about the calories. stuff your face until your heart desires. much love over here! keep it going 💗
I found that having drinks such as milk, or plant based milk or juice with meals instead of drinking water is one easy and fairly painless way to get more calories in. I'm sure you're not the only one to think you're doing enough but in reality are not! I know i've been guilty of this - So glad you've had this realisation. You CAN DO IT!!!!!!!
Ella yep I agree, great advice! When I was in the early stages of recovery I was way too focused on getting a “normal” appetite back with larger portions of food because I wanted to be able to eat whatever my family or friends were having..didn’t work at all (for me anyway!). When you’re that underweight/not used to loads of food it’s not a good idea to go from 0 to 100, and this probably sounds over dramatic but honestly milky drinks saved my life (nesquik, horlicks, whatever tastes good to you!). Obviously as a supplement to solid food, but as you said it’s a painless way of getting in the calories your body needs 👍🕺💕x
@@larlutm Nesquik! OMG yes - i forgot about that! - used to drink it all the time in the early recovery days. In fact I think I'll get some tomorrow :)
i think you are doing a wonderful job of tackling your issue. the first, and most important step, is to overstep that fine line between the eating disorder mindset and the recovery mindset. i feel that you are on the recovery side because you are aware of your issue, and you're trying. sure, we can all try harder at pretty much everything, but perhaps the perfectionist in you is dissatisfied with your physical progress. what i have learned from having an eating disorder for over thirteen years is that it's ALL about the mind! the physical manifestation of eating disorders is what makes people notice, and appeals to vulnerable girls. when i was thirteen, i read a magazine article about eating disorders, and i thought, "well who cares if this girl is suicidal and miserable, at least guys want to date her because she's thin, unlike fatty fat me!" and it took me thirteen years to conclude that I'd rather be a healthy weight and content than super thin and miserable. food is amazing! treat it like a gift, and cherish it. (which is what you seem to always do in your videos, so keep up the good work! you're such a positive inspiration!)
I love your mom! She’s so lovely and great to watch! Your doing great and just focus on eating eating eating! Your recovery will take time but you will get there !! ❤️❤️❤️
You look so much more lively and happy compared to older videos and I'm so happy for you 😩❤ So much easier to watch your videos when you actually look very dedicated and energetic. You make me want to keep going
I love that you're the only person with this topic that actually talks about feelings and not just meal plans and looking good with a full face of make-up. This really helps me understand myself, thank you. x
you have inspired me more than you know, elzani! thank you for being so vulnerable and open; and you have ALL of my support and love and you seem to have the sweetest family support as well! i believe in you, and you have pushed me to better myself as well. thank you💚
I am soooo proud of you! You got this girl! I think you are on the right track with that attitude :) Your speech in the beginning really spoke to me. I decided for myself that today is the first day of real recovery for me too. I don't have Anorexia but i suffer from BED and compulsive overeating. I always restrict (cause obv I gain lot of weight from binging) but then I give up again and eat way to much...stupid cycle it is... I never just let myself eat what I want cause as soon as I had a normal breakfast I feel like I failed and then I end up binging... so I guess we're exact opposites but your words still spoke to me. I wish you all the best for your journey :*
i feel like you're kind of avoiding going out of your comfort zone and substituting MORE food for NEW food. obviously it's great that you're trying new things, but the only way you're going to get better is to eat more. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's enough.
Your mum is so supportive, patient and incredibly loving. My heart swells every time I see the way she protects and approaches your challenges in such a caring and gentle manner ❤️
Maybe your mum could sharipe over the nutrition labels on the stuff you buy so that you CANT look at calories or indulge the desire to count? Obviously it can't fix it perfectly, but it might help to not see labels :)
Yes hun YOU CAN DO THIS. I know it's hard and you're so lucky to have the genuine loving support and reassurance from your family esp, your mum. I know its not easy, KNOWING you need to do/eat blah blah blah and having a mindset, that no matter what you do, its ALWAYS negative talking, putting doubts in your mind. You have a beautiful supportive family, your mum and your sister, even though your mum is your rock, and your siister comes òn sporadically, I am happy they UNDERSTAND the sheer hell you're going through.. I understand fighting against negative self talk, it eats away your self esteem, it allows you to OVERTHINK EVERYTHING. It undermines all your positive attempts of realistically trying to recover safely and positively.. Please do lean on your mum, she has the strength to hold you up,, and your sister, to hold your hand when you feel you falling. I understand your feelings of self doubt, the " if I eat this now what do I do for lunch, dinner etc etc" and many don't understand it. Those who are educated, WILL build you up, not give you the whole,speechlike II get at least once a month along the lines of " You SHOULD just EAT, it is on you, YOU choose to NOT eat, you're UNHEALTHY, you drink too much coffee, you should just eat .... peas are not a proper dinner food etc etc", which I am sure you understand when I say its not easy, or just because there's sweets in the house so you eat/binge on them asap so you CAN'T eat it anymore, because it's NOT there. Many I feel have NO IDEA, what its like living with a mind that is hell bent on self sabotaging..If ONLY it were as easy as that, wouldn't the world be a MUCH EASIER PLACE TO BE IN . THANK YOU SO MUCH for SHARING your story, you have no idea as to HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'RE HELPING by sharing, by being real, by admitting this is a fear food this is delish, its almost like you're eating an array of food you've not tried before.. You are genuinely a beautiful young lady and as I said, thank you for showing us ALL REAL, real accomplishments, real stuff ups.. and downs ❤🥰😘
I love you & you have done what you felt right.....No one is perfect, there are no perfect days for any of us! You need to get into a treatment center & get proper help, we all love you & support you. Put us down & take care of you!!!!!!!!❤
How have I watched and subscribed since your first video and then like 2000 subscribers and now your one 22,000 with in a year or so. That’s crazy. Your going to go far with TH-cam. Well done x
You are doing so well, keep eating what you want when you want it doesn't matter if anyone isn't impressed or pleased with you, as long as you are pleased with yourself. I'm so happy for you, carry on being you and you'll get there x
I love the videos where other people choose what you eat and the portion size because it really forces you to face your fears and give control to someone else instead of your ED controlling your thoughts on food. It seems like you’ve grown so much mentally from the first videos I watched and you still have a long way to go, proud of you for changing your life! ☺️
So incredibly proud of you gorgeous girl ❤️ I remember watching your very first video and you’ve come so far. I hope you realise how strong you are. You’ve got this, keep going!! ❤️
Elzani!! I’m so proud of you, tomorrow is going to be my first day of proper recovery. Please keep going!! What you have eaten in this video is what I would eat on a normal recovery day AND FORTISIP! You can only go up from this, there is no limit to how much you can eat!! Fuck everything else. You’re so inspiring 💪🏻💪🏻
Recovery isnt perfect. Some days it's "ana who?" And others are pushing through and that's fine. Also, I would recommend you to: 1. Follow yohr hunger cues (eat more if you want to, eat whenever you want to, etc) maybe try to challenge yourself with an extra snack a day 2. Step out of the kitchen and let your parents do the work. They care and love you and will never want to harm you. Love you so much and wish you well 😊
Also, have you heard of mental hunger? After breakfast you didn't seem sure if you were hungry or not so you didn't eat any more at that meal. But we mess up our hunger cues when we're ill, so you might find that you don't feel hungry when actually your body still needs more food, this is where mental hunger comes in. Mental hunger is the idea that if you're thinking of food, then your body probably needs it and you should eat something (you might find that you're thinking of food all the time in recovery and it's probably because you need to start adding in a couple of extra snacks throughout the day.) Wishing you all the best you can do this 💪 x
Omg Elzani, I'm checking your videos for the last six months and i always wait for the video you would actually gain a substantial amount of weight.. Hope you are sirius this time and that this video will come soon ❤️ But! I'm always happy to see how optimistic you are and how strong and beautiful the relationship with your family is.
you still think too much food. i mean, it is very common in recovery, but maybe you should get some hobby. and you should try the minnie maud method! you are doing well, but you are still giving your eating disorder the power.
you are wasting your life away gorgeous girl..no one will love you less or think less of you in a bigger body.The world needs you Elzani, you have such a lot to offer, now get on with it girl! you are so much more, you know you are! You are too smart for this shit, come on girl! xxxxx
As a family member of someone with an eating disorder, i can say yes it is heart breaking but the attitude of the ill person is what makes the difference. You are wanting to recover, you are being honest with yourself and other people, that makes a bit difference. You've got an illness, you need to get emotional help and not just make it about the food. Eating won't make you better, you need to heal your mind at the same time. Keep going, you're doing great 😊 it takes a long time but you will get there
elzani, do you watch any recovery youtubers? somereally positive ones i suggest are rebbecca lueng, recovery bakes, hat will beat this and emily sara! other channels that aren't recovery-based but have really good 'what i eat in a days' to show you 'normal' eating and just how much you should eat are people like Grackle and Lucille. not only are people in recovery motivation, but also watching how other people who don't have eating disorders eat can be really calming to the mind. you almost have to learn how to eat 'properly' again, and watching these can help. they helped me (:
You inspire me a lot, congratulations for choosing recovery, you are very brave. Please please if you are not with a therapist yet look for one, sadly we can't handle all this on our own. All the love💖
Tbh I accidentally gained the amount of weight that my doctor wanted me to. It happened really fast due to extreme hunger and it was really difficult to deal with and took a long time to accept, but there is really no way around it. I coped my not using the scale, journaling, therapy, trying to decrease body checking, wearing comfy clothes and keeping busy. Best thing I've ever done. Gaining the weight improved my cognition and attention span by SO much.
You can do it sunshine 💛 you are such an inspiring person to me. Change give me anxiety. To the point where changing my bedspread can make me throw up from being so anxious. But change has to happen. I have to gain 10-15lbs now, and it’s sooo hard to eat and eat and eat. But I’m getting there. My brain tells me every day that I will get sick if I eat this or I should probably not eat even though I’m starving cause I’m afraid I’ll get sick. But now I have to eat even when I’m not hungry and get 2500 calories a day. You can do it. Believe in yourself
Maybe you need to stay inpatient for a while until your moods improves and your thoughts changes and return back and do all things by yourself. Try to think of how amazing the feeling of strength. Try to put something that’s inspires you to recover. Recovery is very hard I put my father‘s picture to remind me of his words he once told me that he don’t want to lose his little daughter over something stupid such as food. His words always in my mind ❤️❤️
She is like telling everything that i am going throug and what my eating disorder tells me. I am also trying to do proper recovery and i also have a hard time letting go of calories and i also think like that , if i want that for dinner then i can not eat that for lunch. I just feel so Happy that i am not alone ❤️keep going strong girl ❤️
Yeah, in her last video she is like 'omg thanks mum I couldn't do it without you because you always have snacks with me' like her mum shouldn't be forced into eating with her and elzani should be able to eat by herself
Elzani, recovery is not a road with 0 bumps or obstacles.. it is filled with MANY ups and downs. Part of recovery is exactly what you're doing in this video. It's wanting something different and willing to do it. Getting yourself there shows you're recovering!! One day at a time.
I agree with most of the comments, you need a therapist or psychiatrist who can help you, from my point of view you need more than focus on the food, and eat what exactly your mom eats, I know you will surely feel lost and you need to imitate her in her decisions, but a therapist, will help you make your own decisions, and that they will do you well. But i hope you read this comment, you are so beautiful inside and out, good luck!❤❤
I did the same thing for years. I would always try and recover but I'd never commit because "oh noo I don't want to get fat". But after years of this nonsense and nothing changing, I had to fully commit. Which means eating what you want when you want and how much you want. Yes, even if that means "binging".
You are really brave indeed!I look up to you and im always here for you...You have such a lovely family who loves and respect you for who you are...You re doing amazing♡♡♡♡
I absolutely adore you and your journey but what I notice is that you always seem to stall before eating, waiting for the others to take the first bite or talking without touching the food in front of you. And I know that that too is a hard habit to break because I still sometimes have the same problem
I’ve been watching you for some time now and honestly all I can say is all you need is power and facing your fear honestly just eat it don’t even flinch or think about what it looks like or whether it will impact you later just eat it
You can do it sweetie, i know its hard,remember that lifes shoet,,and every breath is precious,,as a mom it breaks my heart to see u hurting, but u have a great support system in ur family and love,God bless you ❤
I can't help but wonder why you opted to edit this video in a way to show off the entirety of your body, which you know is significantly underweight, before going on to say "i've gained no weight", removing all doubt from the fact you're fully aware of your state. What are you trying to prove? What did that add to your video and the commentary you were trying to make? It's not a question I ask with hate or judgement, but as a point of genuine reflection. Because you do it quite often in your videos. you make a point of showing your body. Have you considered introducing an element to your life that is not 100% food / body focused? Perhaps a part time job or volunteering. It may help you to discover a greater purpose than solely recovery; it will give you a life to recover INTO, rather than recovery being your life.
I’m not trying to prove anything, and I apologise if it comes across wrong in any way and I’m re doing my whole recovery approach now so I do have a new outlook on it and am pushing myself further and to do more and be more, I am finding new interests and doing what I used to love again, photography guitar etc.. I have a few more videos that I am uploading - this was a week ago on Friday and this past week / week and few days have been really eye opening for me. I hope I have not upset or offended anyone or made this video anything other than helpful. I have made changes and am so glad, and I have gained weight!!! Just not as much as I want to.. I am proud of what I’ve done but frustrated it’s taken me this long / with so many set backs BUT I do think that not moving on or making mistakes is vital to getting to where you want to be. I am so grateful for everyone who watches and supports me and am grateful for your comment xx
Elzani - you have done nothing wrong. In no way at all do you show off your body as many others do. You should be extremely proud of how far you have come! Don’t let comments like this make you second guess yourself and what you are doing.💕💕💕
You need to gain weight, not your mom. It seems like your mom is forcing herself to eat those stuff because she want you to eat it either... When you'll go outside and won't have your mom next to you - what will you do then? Sometimes you need to eat alone and not with people..
tbh Elzani, I think you need to move away from this idea of the best day ever, and the first day of proper recovery etc. This is a journey, you have been on the road of recovery, you've reached a cross road now where you've decided to step up your game and eat more, this isn't a new start, or the first day of proper recovery, this is just you carrying on with what you set out to do. I recognise this behaviour because its something I do too, and I challenge myself every day to stop starting anew, stop trying to make every day the best and just be. Recover is not a straight upward line, its got ups and downs. Much love Elzani, keep going for it.
Lady Hayley you are so right, it really is a journey! That’s actually what Alisha said to me tonight, I’ve been recovering and doing well I just need to do better now! I think that there will always be ups and downs, just like with life!!!
@@elzani6744 I feel you and your family need a constructive plan for recovery. It isnt a matter of just "do better". Elzani, you need therapy. Please consider talking about this (maybe you have done therapy or maybe are afraid idk) but you know you need more than food challenges.
Elzani - you have been doing very very well so far. Give yourself the credit that you deserve! You are very hard on yourself! It’s great that you are so willing and open to pushing harder, further. That is what is going to get you recovered. But, please please please be extremely proud of all you have done and how far you have come! So proud of you!
you are right, I think that Elzani needs therapy. Elzani dont be afraid of it. It is actually so helpful and rewarding to have someone neutral to talk to. 💙🍀
@@elzani6744 I guess this "first day"-thing is a symptom of perfectionism. Wanting to do it "right" from the beginning, so calling it a new start when it didn't work out immediately. Perfectionism is rather part of the problem than the solution, I would say. Progress, not perfection it is!
Be careful, don't let the fact that you're _telling_ yourself you're doing things differently fool you into believing you're actually making changes. You said your breakfast was your first ever real recovery breakfast but it wasn't different from what you would eat before. You even said you still were hungry afterwards. A real change would have been to keep eating until you were full. Good luck, I'm sure you will get there with the support of your family and viewers 💪❤
Girl, I strongly recommend a therapist. Not intensive care, but just someone to talk to for advice and keeping you motivated and accountable. You don’t seem to be gaining enough and you are risking permanent damage to your body
Yeah, she's getting frustrated for falling the same route and there's no one to keep her accountable for not moving forward. Not having but worried
Elzani, just know that it’s fine if you eat things on your own. Your mom doesn’t have to eat everything with you. Trust me, if you start being more independent, you will progress way more.
Is easier for you if you do tho
One thing I’ve noticed is you are very ritualistic in eating. You tend to plate your food very nicely and then talk to the camera for a long time before eating, and you do the same with snacks. I think it would be a good challenge to try varying not just what and how much you eat, but also the ways you eat. Sometimes plating food but sometimes just eating from the bag or snacking as you go.
btw this isn’t intended as criticism or hate or anything. I tend to do the same
I really think you would benefit from professional help 💖 I’m so proud that you’ve realised that you need to move forward and not get comfortable where you are in your recovery! We all support you
Girl listen, I'm saying this from the bottom of my heart, if you only focus on gaining weight without psychotherapy you will be dealing with eds all your life, even at a restored weight. It's now or never.
Couldn't have said it better. An eating disorder is a psychological issue and therefore a psychological therapy is necessary and crucial. Thanks for sharing that !
You should do a challenge day where you don’t eat the same amount as your mum, but TWICE as much as her! And then... ya know... do that everyday. Because recovery. 💕
Joni S love this, so true! ✨
Yasss
im sorry but can you even do that yourself, no, so stop forcing your weird ideas, she just has to eat REGULAR
Tigerlily That’s not how recovery works. Like, at all. Recovery is hard work. It’s uncomfortable and difficult and awful at times, but it’s something she (and everyone else with eds) has to do. You can’t just decide to ”eat regular” one day, and then magically your ed will disappear. It’s a struggle every single day, and noone but herself can do it! However, she will most likely need a lot of help, support and guidance. For example, she needs to get a perspective on just HOW MUCH you actually have to eat during recovery! You will feel stuffed and bloated a lot of the time, but you can’t avoid it if you really want to get better.
@@DarkKittycat Thank God someone who thinks properly...
Well done you for acknowledging that you need to increase you intake and for challenging yourself..but this still isn't enough food, my dear. A bowl of cereal and a bagel for breakfast, then nothing until lunch..? Can you try to fit in a few decent snacks throughout the day (not just at bedtime)? It takes so much to gain weight, don't forget that. You can do this! x
I’ve noticed that you always eat the amount your mom has or less. I’ve struggled with the same thing; other people around me always had to be eating more in order for me to eat a certain amount.
I think your mom should portion out everything you eat and make the choices for you - let go of the ed control factor of everything you eat
In my opinion it seems that she cannot eat "alone": I mean her mum is always by her side...but that is not normal!! Try to eat for yourself. Your mum might be supportive but elzani, if you really want to recover and become an adult you have to make it for you, and that means that you also have to be strong enough to eat for yourself and not for others 💕
Elli Fee yes I do agree with this, but the eating disorder can become so loud that doing it on your own is very difficult. As of right now, it seems to be how she is staying accountable. Eventually I believe she will make all her meals and snacks by herself and enjoy life with independence and freedom from eat eating disorder voice
Your an absolute inspiration and a clear fighter! ❤️ I have some suggestions to help with recovery which I’ve learnt along the way:
Getting a therapist, even if you think you don’t need one, it really vital in recovery. The food and weight is only a fraction of the full disorder, and it’s impossible to recover unless you address the emotional and cognitive sides as well
.
Adding in drinks with main meals like juice or hot chocolate or milkshakes is a great way to get calories in
.
It’s important to remember that you shouldn’t be eating the same as your family, you NEED to be eating a whole lot more !
.
You do have to eat until your uncomfortably full sometimes because your stomach has shrunk and stretching it back out to a normal size will be uncomfortable!
.
Sometimes a rough meal plan can be a good idea if you’re struggling to gain weight. Not a calorie controlled one because that’s unhelpful mentally, but you can get a rough one with portions which isn’t necessarily a step back but rather a big step forward in helping yourself
Can I ask you, as someone who looks knowledgeable on the subject, why is she always taking extremely little bites in front of her family but when she eats alone she seems fine? Just curious. And is she aware, at least from editing, how much she's trying to stretch the time before actually eating the food in front of her? I don't have an eating disorder and I root for her but I'm getting frustrated seeing her doing all those abnormal things over again and I'd like to understand why
I think she probably wants to still eat slower than them/make her food last longer so she's not encouraged by them to have more when she's finished? Sorry I can't explain it more concisely! @@ewajackowska4115
@@tangerinecoral1822 yeah, that's messed up, she must have noticed while editing videos.... Its concerning, really
@Ewa Jackowska I obviously can’t answer for her, but only from my experience. Usually when around other people when eating anorexics feel even more hyper aware of their behaviour. Also, anorexia is a very competitive illness and so sufferers don’t want to be perceived as eating faster than others- they must be the slowest (otherwise they feel that they are greedy). It could also be anxiety; eating infront of people is often more anxiety provoking than eating alone and so anorexics tend to put off eating as much as possible. One last thing is that when you starve yourself for a prolonged period of time and then start to allow yourself food again, your body becomes SO obsessed with food that each mealtime feels like a momentous occasion and you feel the urge to drag it out as long as possible x
@@isabel.j1136 could be eating safe foods by herself, fear food with family around.
I know you haven’t asked for my advice or opinion so feel free to completely disregard what I offer. I feel like you’re focusing too much on the food part of recovery. Recovery isn’t just about weight restoration, it’s about life restoration and creation. What is the life you want to carve out for yourself. Unless you want you’re entire life to revolve around food forever, I think it’s important to find your passions, rediscover or discover what you enjoy. With more energy and a different mindset you are able to determine what you want in your future. I started this and it helped me stay motivated as I could see what my life would be like if I wasn’t held back. Sure it’s great to get excited by trying new foods but the novelty will finally diminish and it’s so helpful to know what you are fighting to achieve. Food will be an still be exciting inclusion once you recover further but it won’t be all that’s there. Keep going and keep playing and exploring what you love in your belly and in the world xx
"it's about life restoration and creation" this is so powerful & important to remember, beautifully stated. x
What a beautiful comment. You're right. I'm much older than Elzani and have battled an ED for over 30 years, and I wondered right before seeing your comment if following my passions would help to heal me. When you have an addiction of any kind, it's as if you are trying to fill a hole in your soul. There's a need that's not being met. But maybe engaging in things that may bring you joy is part of filling that hole. Thank you for your insights. 😘xx
Today is the first day of the rest of your life!!! Embrace it!!! Let your Mom help decide your serving sizes until you're well enough to recognize how much you need to eat. You need three times as much as someone that is at a healthy weight. Your body is working hard, thus needs to be fed. I don't know if you're seeing a counselor or therapist, but I think it would be best. Addressing the real reason you're punishing yourself. Elazani, YOU ARE WORTH BETTER! YOU ARE IMPORTANT! YOU ARE LOVED! YOU DESERVE TO BE NICE TO YOURSELF!!!! You wouldn't treat a stranger the way you've been treating yourself. Think about that. YOU are the most important person in your world, so why shouldn't you be treated the best? LOVE YOURSELF! You are worth it! @Elzani
So proud of you! I'm proud that you'v'e realized you're not quite eating enough and for trying to do better. Keep reaching for a healthy you and a healthy future. I believe you are a lot stronger than you think you are.
Ah Elzani, im so excited for you and your recovery journey. Im glad you have realised youre not eating enough, i personally struggle with my ED the exact same way. I tell myself that "Today i am officially beginning my recovery" but after a few days i get scared and anxious from eating "a lot" , but thats the good thing! It means that your ED is being challenged, as long as you keep going and dont get intimidated and back down, each day will get easier and easier. We can do this! We can fight our ED's together, youre not alone Elzani, we're here with you all the way, we can support each other through the good and the bad days. ♡♡
Also, whenever you feel anxious or down, just remember, that the feeling is temporary and you'll feel fine later on/ in the morning, it happens to me ALL the time, but for some reason i dont tell myself this enough when i do end up feeling that way. Anyways, i just wanted to give you some advice on how to manage some of those feelings if you ever come across them.
Good luck Elzani, all the love and support from Ireland ♡
Your mother is lovely. I imagine her struggle with watching her daughter go through this hell. I can see she is tormented by it. I can also see how badly she wants you to do better. You are beautiful, Elzani. Keep going!
To listen to her daughter only talk about food and ocd about repeating the same words about food must be exhausting. I think when you're ill you forget obsessing about food is still abnormal. Even if it tastes good it's not the focus of conversation around every meal. She's so patient, I had anorexia when I was 16 and my mum would tell me to shut up about food- in a wierd way I think it helped because I left home went and got a degree and focused on life. She was so right food is BORING compared to LIFE. When you're doing that food is just something that fuels it. I've been recovered for 12 years and this video gives me the upmost respect for my family's patience even though they lost it with me. I think I'd do the exact same because it must be devastating as a family to see someone almost possessed by and illness when you know they have somewhere in their would buried their real passions and focus 💔
So glad to see you taking that extra step, I think many of us have realised you've been stagnant in your recovery and I'm so glad to see you taking the step into REAL recovery ❤
We all believe in you and we'll all do our best to keep you accountable!
I think a therapist and a dietician would be a very beneficial addition to your wonderful family on your recovery journey. Don’t overthink new food, the most important step initially is weight restoration. Baby steps You just need to eat challenge with variety later on when you’re stronger physically and mentally. Wishing you the very best.
I understand how important the pursuit of normalcy is in recovery... I understand that you just want to eat normally like everyone else does and for things to just go back to the way they were, but it's unfortunately not something you can do right now. You do have to eat a lot more than what is "normal", because your body needs to heal itself. Recovery is about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. Trust your body for as long as it takes, and eventually things will go back to normal. I promise. Keep your chin up Elzani, you're doing so well
Hi Elzani!💜 This is my first time commenting on a TH-cam video. I’ve been watching you, for the past month or so. I live in Barcelona and have also struggled with an eating disorder for about six or seven years and it’s hard, I know, to change habits which you’ve carried for so long, I completely understand. But I have to say that seeing you try so hard has given me strength, and I am positive you’re going to recover. You just have to be persistent and eat five meals a day every day!! Know that you honestly inspire me and that I’m proud, though I don’t know you! I know it’s weird hahah but I felt like I had to comment. Good luck, I’ll be following you along your journey to REAL RECOVERY!!!🍀🍀
Carlota Solans hi Carlota! (Beautiful name btw) just wanted to say what a lovely comment for Elzani, and to wish you luck on your own recovery journey 😊 health and happiness is waiting for you babe! 🕺💕🕺xxx
iamlottiee It actually means Charlotte in spanish hahah😊 Thanks for your comment, Lottie, honestly made me smile💜
I think you are doing a fabulous job Elzani. Some of your videos are hard to watch because you take so long to convince yourself that is ok to eat the food that is in front of you. But it’s such a joy to see your face full of satisfaction and achievement when you finally do try something new or something you haven’t allowed yourself to eat in such a long time ☺️
I get it. I know how hard it is to face your fear foods and break the food rules you have lived by day in day out for so long now.
The good news is you have lots of insight into anorexia and you have the inner desire to get better and learn to live a life where food doesn’t control every thought process and decision you make.
Wishing you all the best and know it’s not only your family...but a whole heap of us (from all over the world) supporting you all the way.
Everyday is a new day in a different direction. Enjoy the beauty and lessons life throws at us on the good days as well as on the bad xxxxx
“I’m not really full up...I’m always hungry...”there’s your clue...you need to eat twice as much. 😘
I'm currently in recovery too and the number one thing is to, on top of family support, have the support of a therapist who can keep you accountable. You are not restarting recovery. This whole thing is just a long journey where changes have to be made in order for you to live the happiest and healthiest life you can possibly live. I don't know what I would do without my therapist who has not only encouraged healthier eating habits but doesn't tell me I'm crazy for thinking the way I do when it comes to food. She makes me feel normal and like recovery isn't some massive mountain you need to get over. Instead, think of it as little hills. Deal with things one by one instead of forcing unrealistic expectations upon yourself leading you to go back where you started. Good luck! I'm here watching and supporting and really hoping for you to improve. Lots of love.
Do you have any therapy? Because honestly those sessions are what got me weight restored. Gaining weight is very hard to do and is something people overlook. Therapy is crucial for recovery. Also you have been doing real recovery, stop being so hard on yourself girl ❤️
Ditto, I had personal therapy and family therapy, and a dietician, I've fallen many times in the past 20 plus years but without those I wouldn't have been able to move forward at all x
Totally agree. An eating disorder is a psychological issue and therefore a psychological therapy is necessary and crucial. Thanks for sharing that !
Yey!! But Elzani, this is still not enough! You should have more food than your family! Add a morning snack and you probably need nutrition drinks (or change them for more snacks). When i needed to gain weight I had 3 big meals, 3 snacks + dessert and 3-4 nutrition drinks. You need A LOT
eating enough means more energy and shinier hair 💗
🙌 and healthy bones and being able to have children if you want to . I had to have an infusion last week to try and make my bones stronger (even though I'm weight restored) 26 years old and already have osteoporosis
I'm so so proud of you for acknowledging what you're doing!! Eat what you want and until you are FULL!! We all believe in you so much and know you can do this xxx
You help me so much in my recovery, idk what I’d do without your content X
Good for you. Iam doing well myself
Elzani, I've been watching your videos since November of last year. First off, thank you sooooo much for filming your ED recovery with such a public audience! It takes so much courage and strength. Second, thanks for being honest with yourself and us during the highs and lows as many of us experience when we are on the recovery journey. It's nice to know that I, and others are not alone and we can be there for one another in our times of struggle. Be proud of yourself for the work done thus far! That is something I need to work on...giving myself a pat on the back when I've done something hard because it wasn't easy. Keep going girl! You got this! We all got this!
Please do a Q&A with your mum, I'd love to know where the inspiration for your names came from!
Pi V they're South African names, her mum uses to live there xxx
But are ya sure? I'm intrigued because Setarah means star in my language, Farsi, but I doubt that's the reason behind her name. Elzani is totally new to me though!
Sure she mentioned it before either in a video or in a comment xxx
Elzani i just adore u and the family! I honestly believe you need to get meal replacement drinks and also eat food on top of thec) drinks! like boost or ensure or carnation breakfast drinks! :) it's what I do!
moon flower yes yes yes to this!! This would help you so much to add liquid nutrition to every meal and snack!
Agree
Same. I have fortisp x
You can do it! You’re so so so worth it and you deserve to feel happy and good in your own body.. you’re so very beautiful and you seem like you have so many people by your side looking after you and being there for you.. keep pushing! It will get better I promise
Keep going lovely, you have got this! You are doing so well and so proud of you for pushing yourself further. Its not 'proper recovery ' now , your just taking your next step , its all a process , dont undermine the work you have already done and how far you have come! Be careful not to fall in to the trap of trying to make recovery perfect, as you have explained previously yourself , Anorexia its not just about the food, its can invade your whole mindset and alter your evaluation of everything you do. Keep fighting lovely, you are amazing x
Still the same amount elzani...:-(
Watching this made me really happy! I think it’s a really good thing that you’re trying to increase your intake to try and get fully recovered some day. I’ve been watching your videos for a long time now and I just wanted to say I’m really proud of this one in particular ❤️
I'm super proud of you for realising that you need to push yourself further in recovery! I honestly think that finding a therapist will be of great benefit! Love your videos btw, keep fighting girl xxx
You've got this! be strong increase your amounts dramatically on your meals don't waste any more of your life with this illness I have wasted 18 years of my life to it and it's not worth it I regret not trying to recover earlier as the longer it goes on the harder recovery is do it now babe , you can do this you have made a great start but you need to start gaining proper weight now you will look amazing in the end x x 💜
Having been through this and recovered myself (3 years recovered now, crazy 😅) I understand your mum is such an important part of your journey. However a lot of the time you eat the same amount as her! I’m not saying this is bad because well done to you for being able to challenge yourself in such a way, but really to get better you need to be having much more than she is! My mum always used to say it to me because I’d worry about having more than her, your mum isn’t in recovery, she doesn’t need all the extra calories to stay healthy. Your mum can eat a normal balanced diet because she hasn’t starved herself for years. You need to remember that and just do it! I think you’re on your way there though which is amazing. So so proud, you’re gunna make it, I know it ❤️❤️❤️
ur so relatable okmg ive also been maintaining for the last months bc im just so scared but i also decided to "properly recover" yesterday and am finally ready to gain some weight after being underweight for so long. ur channel motivates me so much even though ur vids are like 5 years old im so glad u made these videos and talk about ur thoughts, u make me feel so much less alone
Sweet girl. I can see it in your soul that you are determined. Recovery is suppose to be filled with ups and downs, the good and the ugly. Recovery isn’t suppose to be complete smooth sailing. Allow yourself to have your bad times. But also allow yourself to nourish so you can flourish ❤️
You need to eat more than your mom ! You need to put on weight and she don't. Courage !
so so happy you’re being so open about your journey in recovery. it’s very inspiring and motivating❤️keep up the hard work!
Your mother is like the sunshine!!! I envy you a lot that you have such a lovely family who try to support your recovery! Your sisters, grandma, grandpa, dad and mom! It is very sweet that your mom tries some food with you! I am trying to recover, but I have no one to shear the moment to enjoy having snacks... I think those enjoyable atmosphere would help us having less food restrictions and get to know that how to enjoy food without freaking out.
I think you should acknowledge your progress as well. Of course without staying at the same level and you definitely should eat more. But you shouldn't beat yourself up for the past and you should celebrate small steps as well. Keep looking forward not backwards. Recovery won't be a linear process. Proud of you that you try to eat more ❤️
don’t put yourself down, you may have had some fallen moments but it doesn’t ruin your whole journey. it’s going to be long, it’s going to be hard. you will find what works best for you! but please remind yourself what you keep gaining. you’re eating more than you used to, thats something to be proud of! just keep building it up and you will gain that appetite. dont worry about the calories. stuff your face until your heart desires. much love over here! keep it going 💗
I found that having drinks such as milk, or plant based milk or juice with meals instead of drinking water is one easy and fairly painless way to get more calories in. I'm sure you're not the only one to think you're doing enough but in reality are not! I know i've been guilty of this - So glad you've had this realisation. You CAN DO IT!!!!!!!
Ella yep I agree, great advice! When I was in the early stages of recovery I was way too focused on getting a “normal” appetite back with larger portions of food because I wanted to be able to eat whatever my family or friends were having..didn’t work at all (for me anyway!). When you’re that underweight/not used to loads of food it’s not a good idea to go from 0 to 100, and this probably sounds over dramatic but honestly milky drinks saved my life (nesquik, horlicks, whatever tastes good to you!). Obviously as a supplement to solid food, but as you said it’s a painless way of getting in the calories your body needs 👍🕺💕x
@@larlutm Nesquik! OMG yes - i forgot about that! - used to drink it all the time in the early recovery days. In fact I think I'll get some tomorrow :)
Ella Yay! it helps that it tastes amazing too 😋x
i think you are doing a wonderful job of tackling your issue. the first, and most important step, is to overstep that fine line between the eating disorder mindset and the recovery mindset. i feel that you are on the recovery side because you are aware of your issue, and you're trying. sure, we can all try harder at pretty much everything, but perhaps the perfectionist in you is dissatisfied with your physical progress. what i have learned from having an eating disorder for over thirteen years is that it's ALL about the mind! the physical manifestation of eating disorders is what makes people notice, and appeals to vulnerable girls. when i was thirteen, i read a magazine article about eating disorders, and i thought, "well who cares if this girl is suicidal and miserable, at least guys want to date her because she's thin, unlike fatty fat me!" and it took me thirteen years to conclude that I'd rather be a healthy weight and content than super thin and miserable. food is amazing! treat it like a gift, and cherish it. (which is what you seem to always do in your videos, so keep up the good work! you're such a positive inspiration!)
I love your mom! She’s so lovely and great to watch! Your doing great and just focus on eating eating eating! Your recovery will take time but you will get there !! ❤️❤️❤️
You look so much more lively and happy compared to older videos and I'm so happy for you 😩❤ So much easier to watch your videos when you actually look very dedicated and energetic. You make me want to keep going
I love that you're the only person with this topic that actually talks about feelings and not just meal plans and looking good with a full face of make-up. This really helps me understand myself, thank you. x
you have inspired me more than you know, elzani! thank you for being so vulnerable and open; and you have ALL of my support and love and you seem to have the sweetest family support as well! i believe in you, and you have pushed me to better myself as well. thank you💚
I wish I had a mother like yours, while going through this... You're so lucky to have such a sweet and supportive family!
I am soooo proud of you! You got this girl! I think you are on the right track with that attitude :) Your speech in the beginning really spoke to me. I decided for myself that today is the first day of real recovery for me too. I don't have Anorexia but i suffer from BED and compulsive overeating. I always restrict (cause obv I gain lot of weight from binging) but then I give up again and eat way to much...stupid cycle it is... I never just let myself eat what I want cause as soon as I had a normal breakfast I feel like I failed and then I end up binging... so I guess we're exact opposites but your words still spoke to me. I wish you all the best for your journey :*
i feel like you're kind of avoiding going out of your comfort zone and substituting MORE food for NEW food.
obviously it's great that you're trying new things, but the only way you're going to get better is to eat more.
Just because it's different doesn't mean it's enough.
Your mum is so supportive, patient and incredibly loving. My heart swells every time I see the way she protects and approaches your challenges in such a caring and gentle manner ❤️
Elzani you are very very brave! You are an inspiration to me and I’m not even struggeling with an ED! You are truly special! 😊
Your dad is so talented!!! xx It must be so amazing to live in a house you built on your own :)
Maybe your mum could sharipe over the nutrition labels on the stuff you buy so that you CANT look at calories or indulge the desire to count? Obviously it can't fix it perfectly, but it might help to not see labels :)
Yes hun YOU CAN DO THIS. I know it's hard and you're so lucky to have the genuine loving support and reassurance from your family esp, your mum. I know its not easy, KNOWING you need to do/eat blah blah blah and having a mindset, that no matter what you do, its ALWAYS negative talking, putting doubts in your mind. You have a beautiful supportive family, your mum and your sister, even though your mum is your rock, and your siister comes òn sporadically, I am happy they UNDERSTAND the sheer hell you're going through.. I understand fighting against negative self talk, it eats away your self esteem, it allows you to OVERTHINK EVERYTHING. It undermines all your positive attempts of realistically trying to recover safely and positively..
Please do lean on your mum, she has the strength to hold you up,, and your sister, to hold your hand when you feel you falling.
I understand your feelings of self doubt, the " if I eat this now what do I do for lunch, dinner etc etc" and many don't understand it. Those who are educated, WILL build you up, not give you the whole,speechlike II get at least once a month along the lines of " You SHOULD just EAT, it is on you, YOU choose to NOT eat, you're UNHEALTHY, you drink too much coffee, you should just eat .... peas are not a proper dinner food etc etc", which I am sure you understand when I say its not easy, or just because there's sweets in the house so you eat/binge on them asap so you CAN'T eat it anymore, because it's NOT there. Many I feel have NO IDEA, what its like living with a mind that is hell bent on self sabotaging..If ONLY it were as easy as that, wouldn't the world be a MUCH EASIER PLACE TO BE IN .
THANK YOU SO MUCH for SHARING your story, you have no idea as to HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'RE HELPING by sharing, by being real, by admitting this is a fear food this is delish, its almost like you're eating an array of food you've not tried before.. You are genuinely a beautiful young lady and as I said, thank you for showing us ALL REAL, real accomplishments, real stuff ups.. and downs ❤🥰😘
I love you & you have done what you felt right.....No one is perfect, there are no perfect days for any of us! You need to get into a treatment center & get proper help, we all love you & support you. Put us down & take care of you!!!!!!!!❤
Btw I heard you say you have been in treatment in the past,sometimes we need to go back & thats ok.😊
How have I watched and subscribed since your first video and then like 2000 subscribers and now your one 22,000 with in a year or so. That’s crazy. Your going to go far with TH-cam. Well done x
You are doing so well, keep eating what you want when you want it doesn't matter if anyone isn't impressed or pleased with you, as long as you are pleased with yourself. I'm so happy for you, carry on being you and you'll get there x
I love the videos where other people choose what you eat and the portion size because it really forces you to face your fears and give control to someone else instead of your ED controlling your thoughts on food. It seems like you’ve grown so much mentally from the first videos I watched and you still have a long way to go, proud of you for changing your life! ☺️
So incredibly proud of you gorgeous girl ❤️ I remember watching your very first video and you’ve come so far. I hope you realise how strong you are. You’ve got this, keep going!! ❤️
Deliciously fluffy thats what im going to be...that's my new favourite sentence 😂
Elzani!! I’m so proud of you, tomorrow is going to be my first day of proper recovery. Please keep going!! What you have eaten in this video is what I would eat on a normal recovery day AND FORTISIP! You can only go up from this, there is no limit to how much you can eat!! Fuck everything else. You’re so inspiring 💪🏻💪🏻
Elzani you're such an inspiration for me!! You're doing so much better love from Argentina
Recovery isnt perfect. Some days it's "ana who?" And others are pushing through and that's fine. Also, I would recommend you to:
1. Follow yohr hunger cues (eat more if you want to, eat whenever you want to, etc) maybe try to challenge yourself with an extra snack a day
2. Step out of the kitchen and let your parents do the work. They care and love you and will never want to harm you.
Love you so much and wish you well 😊
Also, have you heard of mental hunger? After breakfast you didn't seem sure if you were hungry or not so you didn't eat any more at that meal. But we mess up our hunger cues when we're ill, so you might find that you don't feel hungry when actually your body still needs more food, this is where mental hunger comes in. Mental hunger is the idea that if you're thinking of food, then your body probably needs it and you should eat something (you might find that you're thinking of food all the time in recovery and it's probably because you need to start adding in a couple of extra snacks throughout the day.) Wishing you all the best you can do this 💪 x
Sarah Gower wow I’ve never heard of this!! Super useful, thank you for sharing :-)
Omg Elzani, I'm checking your videos for the last six months and i always wait for the video you would actually gain a substantial amount of weight.. Hope you are sirius this time and that this video will come soon ❤️
But! I'm always happy to see how optimistic you are and how strong and beautiful the relationship with your family is.
I love seeing how far you have come you inspire me so much
you still think too much food. i mean, it is very common in recovery, but maybe you should get some hobby. and you should try the minnie maud method! you are doing well, but you are still giving your eating disorder the power.
I love you so much Elzani, a true inspiration xxxxx
Your mom is so sweet! It’s great that your challenging yourself. We know you can do this girl 🕊💗!
You can do it!
you are wasting your life away gorgeous girl..no one will love you less or think less of you in a bigger body.The world needs you Elzani, you have such a lot to offer, now get on with it girl! you are so much more, you know you are! You are too smart for this shit, come on girl! xxxxx
As a family member of someone with an eating disorder, i can say yes it is heart breaking but the attitude of the ill person is what makes the difference. You are wanting to recover, you are being honest with yourself and other people, that makes a bit difference. You've got an illness, you need to get emotional help and not just make it about the food. Eating won't make you better, you need to heal your mind at the same time. Keep going, you're doing great 😊 it takes a long time but you will get there
Good luck b. You got this ❤️
elzani, do you watch any recovery youtubers? somereally positive ones i suggest are rebbecca lueng, recovery bakes, hat will beat this and emily sara! other channels that aren't recovery-based but have really good 'what i eat in a days' to show you 'normal' eating and just how much you should eat are people like Grackle and Lucille. not only are people in recovery motivation, but also watching how other people who don't have eating disorders eat can be really calming to the mind. you almost have to learn how to eat 'properly' again, and watching these can help. they helped me (:
You can recover ❤️❤️
You inspire me a lot, congratulations for choosing recovery, you are very brave. Please please if you are not with a therapist yet look for one, sadly we can't handle all this on our own. All the love💖
Tbh I accidentally gained the amount of weight that my doctor wanted me to. It happened really fast due to extreme hunger and it was really difficult to deal with and took a long time to accept, but there is really no way around it. I coped my not using the scale, journaling, therapy, trying to decrease body checking, wearing comfy clothes and keeping busy. Best thing I've ever done. Gaining the weight improved my cognition and attention span by SO much.
You can do it sunshine 💛 you are such an inspiring person to me. Change give me anxiety. To the point where changing my bedspread can make me throw up from being so anxious. But change has to happen. I have to gain 10-15lbs now, and it’s sooo hard to eat and eat and eat. But I’m getting there. My brain tells me every day that I will get sick if I eat this or I should probably not eat even though I’m starving cause I’m afraid I’ll get sick. But now I have to eat even when I’m not hungry and get 2500 calories a day.
You can do it. Believe in yourself
you CAN do this. you ARE worth it!
Keep going Elzani. It's so worth it.
Maybe you need to stay inpatient for a while until your moods improves and your thoughts changes and return back and do all things by yourself. Try to think of how amazing the feeling of strength. Try to put something that’s inspires you to recover. Recovery is very hard I put my father‘s picture to remind me of his words he once told me that he don’t want to lose his little daughter over something stupid such as food. His words always in my mind ❤️❤️
Well done 👍🏻 I’m so proud today you have shown true dedication to recovery YOU CAN DO THIS ❤️
Don't worry we will support u ✊🏻✊🏻💖
She is like telling everything that i am going throug and what my eating disorder tells me. I am also trying to do proper recovery and i also have a hard time letting go of calories and i also think like that , if i want that for dinner then i can not eat that for lunch. I just feel so Happy that i am not alone ❤️keep going strong girl ❤️
You’re doing so fantastic.. But you should try eating alone rather than having to always be with your mom. Good luck I’m rooting for you!!
Sylvie 524 Sone people find it easier to eat with others and it helps them eat more. I’m the same with my mum.
Megan Pardoe We can’t always have someone around though 😕 There comes a time when you have to stand alone and rely on yourself.
Yeah, in her last video she is like 'omg thanks mum I couldn't do it without you because you always have snacks with me' like her mum shouldn't be forced into eating with her and elzani should be able to eat by herself
Elzani, recovery is not a road with 0 bumps or obstacles.. it is filled with MANY ups and downs. Part of recovery is exactly what you're doing in this video. It's wanting something different and willing to do it. Getting yourself there shows you're recovering!! One day at a time.
I agree with most of the comments, you need a therapist or psychiatrist who can help you, from my point of view you need more than focus on the food, and eat what exactly your mom eats, I know you will surely feel lost and you need to imitate her in her decisions, but a therapist, will help you make your own decisions, and that they will do you well. But i hope you read this comment, you are so beautiful inside and out, good luck!❤❤
I did the same thing for years. I would always try and recover but I'd never commit because "oh noo I don't want to get fat". But after years of this nonsense and nothing changing, I had to fully commit. Which means eating what you want when you want and how much you want. Yes, even if that means "binging".
You are really brave indeed!I look up to you and im always here for you...You have such a lovely family who loves and respect you for who you are...You re doing amazing♡♡♡♡
I absolutely adore you and your journey but what I notice is that you always seem to stall before eating, waiting for the others to take the first bite or talking without touching the food in front of you. And I know that that too is a hard habit to break because I still sometimes have the same problem
Happy birthday to your lovely Momsie!!🎂🛍🎉🎁🍾🎊
I’ve been watching you for some time now and honestly all I can say is all you need is power and facing your fear honestly just eat it don’t even flinch or think about what it looks like or whether it will impact you later just eat it
You can do it sweetie, i know its hard,remember that lifes shoet,,and every breath is precious,,as a mom it breaks my heart to see u hurting, but u have a great support system in ur family and love,God bless you ❤
I can't help but wonder why you opted to edit this video in a way to show off the entirety of your body, which you know is significantly underweight, before going on to say "i've gained no weight", removing all doubt from the fact you're fully aware of your state. What are you trying to prove? What did that add to your video and the commentary you were trying to make?
It's not a question I ask with hate or judgement, but as a point of genuine reflection. Because you do it quite often in your videos. you make a point of showing your body.
Have you considered introducing an element to your life that is not 100% food / body focused? Perhaps a part time job or volunteering. It may help you to discover a greater purpose than solely recovery; it will give you a life to recover INTO, rather than recovery being your life.
I’m not trying to prove anything, and I apologise if it comes across wrong in any way and I’m re doing my whole recovery approach now so I do have a new outlook on it and am pushing myself further and to do more and be more, I am finding new interests and doing what I used to love again, photography guitar etc.. I have a few more videos that I am uploading - this was a week ago on Friday and this past week / week and few days have been really eye opening for me. I hope I have not upset or offended anyone or made this video anything other than helpful. I have made changes and am so glad, and I have gained weight!!! Just not as much as I want to.. I am proud of what I’ve done but frustrated it’s taken me this long / with so many set backs BUT I do think that not moving on or making mistakes is vital to getting to where you want to be. I am so grateful for everyone who watches and supports me and am grateful for your comment xx
What's preventing you from securing the most intense level of treatment and support you can get?
Elzani - you have done nothing wrong. In no way at all do you show off your body as many others do. You should be extremely proud of how far you have come! Don’t let comments like this make you second guess yourself and what you are doing.💕💕💕
You need to gain weight, not your mom. It seems like your mom is forcing herself to eat those stuff because she want you to eat it either...
When you'll go outside and won't have your mom next to you - what will you do then? Sometimes you need to eat alone and not with people..