Cheating is a vicious offense. Not only can it potentially infect someone with an STD, it will affect their ability to trust and love. This is a wicked thing to do to someone.
@@Stellalovely1At least he learned a lesson and now he isn't a jerk. Some guys don't have affairs because they don't have opportunity for that or they are too lazy for that but they don't care about their wives and they don't want to understand them! At least Jimmy now is a good spouse and he really understands women! 😮
My brother cheated on his pregnant wife. He showed no remorse and upended the lives of a little girl and unborn child, not to mention their mom. To those men that say they want to cheat rather than talk to their wives, let me tell you, she left him. He is miserable. His self esteem is at an all time low. He's on substances and working a dead end govt job. He had a successful job in our community as a religious leader but is now the complete opposite of what he was. I pray every day that he allows himself to reflect, feel and heal.
You do realise that 70% of couples that have a cheating partner stay together. There are many reasons they stay together i.e, children, finances. Just because this Jimmy and his wife are still together doesn't mean they have sorted anything out. Has anyone ever seen his wife? He's a cheater. He's hardly a trustworthy person.
@@justenjoy-rr7hoAs bad as cheating is, what happened to allowing people to change and do better. We are not the judges of other's situations. We all have our own demons. Infedility has many faces.
This makes me cry. Thank you for the courage to call out the cowardly act that cheating is. I think my marriage is beyond repair but listening to this at least gives me hope for others. It’s time for all of us to grow up and become the men and women we need each other to be for our children’s future.
I always wondered how your wife felt, how she dealt with those feelings and why she stayed. My mom said kids are a big reason most people don't divorce. But I admire you anyways, it probably doesnt make a lot of sense as to why, but I admire that you changed, and that you wanted to be better for your wife, your kids, and your family. Coming from someone who grew up with a horrible "father," Thank you, for caring and being better for your kids, it does make a huge difference when kids dont have a good father.
I think that Jimmy also wanted to be a better person to himself.. someone that he knew he was capable of being. I guess if we think about it, he had to attain being a better person for himself first before he could address his wife, children, and family.
@@alicecain4851There are many answers to the “why” (Not saying it’s their case) but a lot of women stay for the kids, some stay because they’ve already invested SO MUCH into the marriage, pressure from others, embarrassment from getting a divorce, don’t want to be a single parent, don’t want to be alone (especially if the guy is the only one they’ve been with), financially disadvantaged if they leave, etc.
I can't agree that affairs follow unfulfilled needs in the marriage. 22 days after our wedding, I discovered that my husband had been carrying on a torrid emotional affair with a supposedly ex-girlfriend. He continued reconnecting with her for the next 20 years. There were two other women. He couldn't see the problem seeing he wasn't f-ing them. The penny dropped about 3 years ago, when he finally agreed to couples therapy. He's now trying to reach out to me but it is far too late. I have nothing at all left to give him. I cannot trust him. I'm not emotionally safe with him. i'm done with giving him sex when there's nothing in it for me but physical discomfort, a sense of being used, even a sense of being soiled, and a huge emptiness.
My husband thought he could stay married (an obligation) and not get caught. He destroyed my heart and love for him. I would have rather he just got a divorce instead because of the pain it has caused me for years. He said he was sorry but has never really changed. If you do cheat and want to stay married then you must change and repair the relationship and the trust.
I wish that my X HUSBAND had this awareness before he cheated and gave me hepatitis. He broke our marriage, and children! He has shortened my life span bc he “wanted more sex” and went to someone else and destroyed everything! SELFISH COWARD!
Please get some counseling. You're hurting so deeply for many reasons. Hate can eat you alive. I don't want that for you. I hope you are getting the medical help you need to be as healthy as you possibly can. Best of luck.
I’m been in counseling for 3 years since he ask for a divorce. It’s the sexual assault that I’m finally dealing with. It’s hard to let that one go. When I said no and he took what he wanted. I am hope to forgive him someday and to find a person who is available for an emotional available man.
Videos like this make me even happier to be single. I haven't gone through the rollercoaster of emotions displayed in this video since my last relationship ended over 6 years ago. I love the peace and solitude I've experienced in the past few years. Everything has a higher meaning. Life isn't about co-dependency, competing egos, superficial love, betrayal, etc. It's about finding and cultivating happiness within yourself. The paradox is that a wonderful marriage is where both partners have this happiness, wholeness and confidence within themselves but many who get married do from a place of insecurity, incompleteness, desire to seek external validation or trying to please others.
You don't think that those are the symptoms of a broken society? If everyone believed and lived as you, there would be no human race. Chuldre would not be created or survive without two people. Maybe instead of throwing out the institution between people who bring children into the world, maybe we should raise higher caliber people who are more secure, mature, dependable and loving.
@@grace52775 as I mentioned in my original comment, the focus should be on people finding happiness within themselves. If they wish to get married, having that integrity and love for themselves first only benefits a marriage. Many of the marriages that exist now are what causes a broken society. Co-dependency, shallowness, insecurity and betrayal of a partner's trust is what causes issues. Having kids grow up in a home with that type of energy is detrimental. Not everyone on this planet is meant to get married and have kids. We should normalize that so people stop trying to make relationships work with partners they are incompatible with just because they feel it's their duty to do so. A relationship should not involve suffering. Learning and growing doesn't have to mean learning how to forgive a cheating spouse or allowing your partner to talk you into something that can put your health and mental well-being at risk. True personal growth means knowing when to leave a hurtful or disrespectful relationship and shifting that energy into honouring the good friends and family who are truly there for you, while also standing on your own 2 feet.
@grace52775 -- Don't you think your comment is neglecting the fact that SEX, not marriage, brings babies into the world?! 🙄 JFC. Get off your judgemental high horse and leave those of us who have been crushed by adulterous assholes and found contentment in being single ALONE. You sound incredibly codependent to me.
Thank you. I appreciate your words, because it did not work out with my ex-husband. He never said any of these words. The pain he caused, the wounds he created in everyone around him. It feels good to hear it from someone who has gone through it too. This video helps. All of your videos help.
Watching Jimmy’s Facebook feed skits and videos, it’s challenging to not put him on a pedestal. I have thoughts like “This is the one in a million billion guy who actually understands human connection and relationships. I bet his marriage thrives.” It comes with some level of disappointment in my own spouse. Then I came to Jimmy’s TH-cam and things got so real. I don’t expect this level of honesty and vulnerability from online influencers, I’m so used to perfection and a curtain covering anything ugly or raw. It gives me a new level of respect of what he teaches. I applaud Jimmy and Emily for using personal experience, failure and brokenness to help others. These building blocks of romantic relationships are so vital, that even someone so book smart in counseling had to learn emotional intelligence in their own marriage and family. It seems it never happens without intentionality, and in that way it’s encouraging that putting in the work is necessary and likely the best hope for a happy fulfilling marriage.
Wow!!! I had no idea you’re an example of someone who took on the growth and facing wounds and was willing to change themselves!! This is MASSIVELY special to platform this! Wow! I just thought this subject matter was your specialty. Thank you for this willingness and true change!
When my best friend told me she'd had an affair, I told her she had to tell her spouse. She was prepared to take it to the grave, but I was blunt with her - something is wrong in the marriage and it won't stop unless she opens her mouth and speaks UP.
@Ms Treefox So....did the friend you advised to reveal her affairs to her husband really do it? Several people, along with myself, have asked because we would like to know. Your story is incomplete because it does not tell the ending. If you don't answer, it's more likely than not that your friend did not tell her husband. That kind of advice you offered can produce dangerous consequences and outcomes.
My spouse was also going to take it to the grave. He knew that it would destroy me - and it did. It completely annihilated all trust and safety. It made me question my own sanity. I wouldn’t have learned if the other woman hadn’t come forward. My husband would have let me sleep in the bed where they had sex, snuggle in the sofa where he kissed her, go to my favorite places in the city where he also took her, sit in the same car he drove her home in. His efforts to forget about his actions might even have prevented him to test for STDS. What he did to my soul is the worst thing I’ve ever been through, and I’ve not had a “blue skies and peonies” kind of life. It made me feel so naive and filthy. We are still together. I never stopped loving him. But we have a long long journey ahead. Edit: I want to add that I’m grateful to the other woman for informing me though I wish it had come from my husband, that had at least left some sliver of respect for him. I rather know and go through all the hard work than being kept oblivious.
Once that trust has been annihilated, it is near impossible to ever get that back without a strong stench of distrust looming over the relationship. Every reply or lack of one taints the wine. Everything is viewed as suspicious. Man… that is heart wrenching and exhausting! ‘Trust’ takes on new meaning with a multitude of clarifications and baggage. Who knew trust could have baggage? What is the most important thing in overcoming that trust baggage?
The most important thing will be actual forgiveness (if it's appropriate), and then actual repentance on the betrayers part, where they truly learn about trust and how to build it instead of destroy it. I think it's possible to rebuild trust, but only if BOTH people are willing. And I'm in no way saying the betrayed person SHOULD give them another chance.
@@JimmyonRelationships thank you for sharing. I’m really struggling having had 2 husbands that both cheated. Tried to work it out with the first but the 2nd said “he knew I’d never trust him” so didn’t even try. I know I’m the common denominator in these marriages but I don’t know what to do. I try to talk to them when I felt a lack of connection and treated like I’m just nagging. I don’t know how to trust now.
I didn’t trust myself for a long long time after learning about my spouse cheating. If the other woman hadn’t come forward I would never have learned. I didn’t trust myself because I never saw it coming. Never would I have suspected him to do such a thing. To betray me to the core. I felt so naive and stupid afterwards. It was like my soul was glass and his actions shattered everything. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD afterwards. It has been over a year and I still have flashbacks. Not a single day goes by without me remembering. We are still together. I never stopped loving him but I have not reached forgiveness yet. Forgiveness is a process. Ever since the ground zero he is putting in the continuous effort to earn trust, to earn forgiveness, showing complete transparency and reassurance. It has been very expensive. I know not everyone associates material things with people’s actions but I unfortunately do and I can’t walk into our house without being reminded of what took place there. We sold the car, got rid of the furniture, he donated his closet, refinished all the surfaces in the house, paid expensive therapists. We don’t go out to places where they were together (and he brought her to some of my favorite places). Our previous big and beautiful bedroom is empty and will remain that way until we move, far away from here. I hope we will reach a day when the glass is safely fused back together again.
@@thereturnoffrancesbloggShe probably said that because it was said to her by someone (an abuser) who victim blames. This person may or may not know they're victim blaming. But, if it was husband #2, he definitely said it to diminish his own culpability by blaming her, without even giving her the dignity of clarifying what they think she did wrong.
Thank you for posting this. Love to see a future video on how the victim of the cheater can recover and what to do to forgive and build trust again with the one who cheated.
For many stupid reasons and some not stupid at all, I cheated on my husband and then he cheated on me all in a 2 month period in our 2nd year of marriage. For all the reasons Jimmy talks about. It killed us both that we broke our vows and committed the sin of adultery. LISTEN to this man, please, and save your marriage before you cheat, not after. You will be much happier much sooner and not all marriages can survive an affair. My husband and I just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary in Aug 2023 and we’ve never been happier. We know how to communicate now, and how to speak up without hurting the other person. How to grow and change together, not apart. Good luck y’all! 😊
I cheated when I was young. Hearing the reaction by my boyfriend back then hurt so much in me too that I instantly changed and never wanted to do it again. He helped me develop past that need coming from insecurities about myself. I thank him for that today, where I have a longterm relationship without ever being even close to cheating.
Well, where do I begin…… I know what it is like to be in a marriage and get cheated on and I also know what it’s like to start a new relationship and be the cheater. I never thought that is a title that I would have, but now I do. It happened before we got married and it did not get addressed or spoken about. I lied and covered it up. I know of the hurt and pain that I have caused my wife and it is absolutely crushing. I am ashamed of myself and how I treated the most beautiful person that I know. Yes, it was cowardly of me to do such a thing to the mother of my children and the woman that I took before God. I feel like I damaged the most beautiful flower that anyone has ever seen or damaged a pretty butterfly. I find myself sad all of the time and disappointed in myself. My kids also suffer because of my actions. I’ve lost friends and my family does not even talk to me anymore. This pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Thank you for sharing, you have given me the strength to share with you as well
He cheated on me and then blamed me saying I was allowed to have male friends and he couldn’t have female friends… I been friends with my male friend for 22 years and hardly speak to him and never slept with him but he went out of his way to meet her and then hide it for months.
It’s interesting how you can express the problems and a toxic spouse still won’t address the issues. The other issue is that some cheat for sport because they never actually wanted true accountability and partnership with another person. I used to think the marriage was broken but sometimes the other party is loving and does everything more than right and the cheater is just a cheater because they are truly an emotionally and integrity bankrupted person who cannot be honest at all.
I sneaked into my husbands facebook and liked different channels giving advice on relationships because i wanted to tweak his shorts into seeing some info about relationships without me sending them to him. Yours was one of the channels I liked. I was lacking so much intimacy. I was lonely. But i just couldn't get through to him. He had disconnected at least two years prior. Around two weeks after doing this i found out he had been sexually unfaithful for the course of almost a year. Dday was 5 weeks ago. I can't even tell you how much that broke me. I am still crying daily. But that did wake him up. He's finally willing to do therapy. He's watching videos with me. Reading books with me. Talks with me. Looks at me. It's sad that I even missed his eye contact. I just realized you cheated too... and it actually gives me hope. Maybe sometimes that's what It takes. I don't think hmy husband is a bad person. But the hurt is the worst i have experienced. Still I think we can get though this... all while grieving what we had before (yet not wanting that relationship back). I guess we'll incoorporate your videos into our work.
I’m glad your husband got the message. Seems like a lot of men don’t hear this kind of stuff from their peers and miss/forget there is another standard out there.
Thank you, Jimmy! So many people - particularly men - need to hear this and do many women in particular appreciate this message being put out! Women are tired of being mothers to their husbands!
So sad, my heart is so broken. I appreciate your honesty, and I'm glad you're using your experience to help all of us, but just hearing the word "cheat" and talk about cheating just reduces me to tears because I know my husband did this, and he's been lying to me for just years and years. And, i feel like he'll never tell the truth. And, even if he ever was honest, it's not going to make a difference to make things better, because his lies have been so hurtful, I've been altered as a person. The person I was, having a huge heart and put my whole heart in everything I do and everyone around me, is never coming back.
Thank you so much! My fiancé cheated awhile back and has been bearing the guilt of that for over 2 years now. I found out about it we went through the worse thing imaginable. Now we are stronger then ever and your videos have helped us in so many ways.
Wow. Just plain old HUGE WOW! I thought you’d said it all, then I stumbled on THIS video. 🙌🏼💪🏼❤ THANK YOU! Storms ARE coming- … and blackberries do make delicious cobbler 🤷🏻♀️
This video gave me a good hard cathartic cry after 10 years of losing what i believed was my soulmate (only to find out his wife (ME)was the woman on the side). Thank you for the validation and catharsis. I've been alone for over 10 years trying to process his betrayals.
First affair I walked in on 2 mos after marriage. 8 years later still discovering infidelities. I thought I was fighting to save my best friend. He used that friendship and my naivety to feed his....."ego" Last I heard two months of being separated his ....."ego" got a flesh eating bacteria. Finger of God or mere coincidence? I'll let you decide. Don't cheat on your spouse. ESPECIALLY if they flipping trust you and also adore you! Thanks for the strength Jimmy! God bless you two!
Why did you work on it and get it back? Instead of leaving ? When did you realize you wanted to work on it and not really leave ? As a lot of people just leave
Wow ,so much courage from you to say all those.Congratulations.It means you assumed the consequences of your acts which most of cheaters won't do and they will blame the person who was cheated on.Keep going,you are a good example for others men in this world❤
It takes an ENORMOUS amount of courage to admit your mistake, and repent of it. You're not a coward anymore. Thank you. It takes courage to forgive too. Your wife must be an amazing woman. You're lucky to have each other.
Jimmy, Thank you for opening up like this, & sharing truly Valuable Info❤️👍. It seems like the majority of guys in general Do think cheating Is a flex, will always do it, don't care, & are fine leaving women & children behind for that next temporary piece of a**. You might be a rare person doing the Actual Work like this, so, Wow, Amazing Job bro!! & Props to your Wife; she's a strong lady, worth doing the work for, you Both are Incredible ppl!🌞❤️
This is so wow, I can't even begin to process that correctly. I nearly cheated on my first husband and you tick all the boxes with excuses I was trying to make to justify the cause, and the means. I think I wouldn't have been a good mother able to respect myself if I did. Thank God I did not. Thank you for this powerful message of exposing yourself for the greater good of rescuing some other people. Wow, huge respect.
Cheating destroys ALL TRUST and RESPECT. No matter how much time passes, the relationship will never be the same. Things will always be damaged, broken. 💔 Watching my best friend go through this right now, while she has CANCER, and 3 small children under the age of ten...which is how she found out about her husbands affair. His brazen unbelievably selfish actions are appalling.
This was pretty powerful. Thanks for calling me a f@cking coward. I needed to hear that. Seriously. Can you/have you done a video on how your marriage grew after the infidelity and how dangerous it is to keep bringing up that dark chapter (cheating)?
Vickyyou are still being a coward. You don't want to be reminded of the shitty thing you did. You want to sweep it under the rug and deny your partner from mentio ING it again and there hurt feelings.
But does he mean, bringing it up, and up, and up... I guess if that does happen, there are still things that need to be discussed that haven't been resolved from that time. Trust is SO HARD to get back. That's the thing. You do something - like, come home late from work - and she still wonders why you're late. How long does this lack of trust take to get back? I imagine, quite a long time. If never.
It is _not at all_ dangerous to keep bringing up the cheater's cheating. I actually fail to see how it is a problem... at all. (The "you" in the following paragraph is the general/universal you, not you specifically, as I do not know about your relationship.) It literally means that the other person has not healed from the damage you caused yet, and getting frustrated at them for bringing it up more so sounds like you avoiding responsibility than them causing problems. They will never ever forget what you did, and they likely haven't forgiven you if they still bring it up, so it is up to you to figure out how to help them heal... with a big chance they never will fully forgive you (no matter what they say about forgiving you---actions speak louder than words, and that applies to both their reaction to your cheating and how you try to repair your relationship). Them bringing it up is either something you have to deal with _or_ is something you have to break up with them over if you think it's damaging to both parties. Sure, it is on them to _try_ to heal, but it is _not_ on them to heal. I believe in second chances, but the second chance is always going to be nearly insurmountably harder than the first chance if it's about cheating.
Oh boy. You don’t get to blow up your relationship by cheating and then expect to not have your significant other never bring it up again. And half of the time marriages don’t grow because of cheating. They end. And from personal experience, the marriage you had when you cheated is over. It doesn’t exist anymore. If you stay together, you are starting over from scratch and it is hopefully a new marriage that is being built with a LOT of openness and, guess what else? talking about the cheating and betrayal. And even then, things will never never be the same.
Extramarital affairs are a huge epidemic. It’s not just American, it’s not just men, it’s everywhere and affects everyone. I feel that there is so much more happening behind the scenes. More than that what is missing in a relationship…I feel that affairs and the like are a cause of other traumas that occurred before the relationship began, and come to a head when in a relationship for a set period of time, varying person to person. Of course there is no excuse and no justification, my question is what does every cheater (sexual or emotional) have in common? I think that if we can find that, and make sure our children are not traumatized or deficient in whatever that cause is, it can prevent it in adulthood.
He cheated on me and then when he saw me upset crying and angry about the trust issues he caused and me dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, he distanced himself and deflected and blamed me that I should get over it because the affair was over for him. He grew up where the adults in his life cheated and decieved and abused each other so he doesnt think much of it. Except when I raise my voice at him, then he cant handle it. He thinks we have a great relationship. I am in an empty marriage that I dont feel I can leave due to personal circumstances. I wish he felt hurt at me hurting. He just wants me to shut up about problems really.
oh please find solace in Jesus and His peace. This stills my blood. Don't stay in the place you are in, buld yourself if you cannot terminate it as you say. Before it kills you, revive yourself, please.
Great to listen to a man's perspective, to hear what it is like for them on the other side of this situation. It takes two people for a marriage to breakdown - never just one person - as we would like to believe. I can see my next relationship will thrive with the education and insight thanks again Jimmy
Yeah - but it's not always equal. I would guess if we were talking about 2 "normal" people and that not one of those people wasn't a narcissist. Or came into the marriage already addicted to pornography to the point that he maxed out our credit cards and spent his paycheck without making sure his kids had formula and diapers. Or food. I had to ask his parents for money. I finally told his parents. They didn't believe me. I was 8 months pregnant with my 3rd child and brought a HUGE stack of magazines and a big bag of videos (think 1990) to their house and asked them if they thought I was the one who had bought all of this 💩?!? I should have left then. I waited. Too long. He ended up not only hurting me, but hurting my (our?) children, too. 14.6 years. 18.5 years until we got divorced because I wanted the insurance. I have chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases. And kids! We didn't live together after 14.5 years. He threw my oldest across a room and knocked the wind out of her. When she was able to talk she said, "this is all my fault, this is all my fault!" "Just like you see on TV," is all I could think as I told him to get out. I called my friend I worked with, who was close to the police, and had already had me fill out the paperwork if my ex gave me any problems leaving, which he did. "This is my house! Why should I leave?" I said, "I'll call CPS, and they'll do something to you for what you just did to our daughter!" Yes, I had already gathered all 3 of the kids together and got them all comforted and spoke with my oldest, and checked her out to see if she was all right. Anyway, yeah. No! It's not a 50/50 thing. That's what my ex's girlfriend told me, "it's 50/50. It's as much your fault as Kyle's." Except Kyle came into the marriage as a liar. I'll quit. But I'm not taking 50% of what went on in my marriage breakdown.
“I didn’t gain anything.”, One thing that pops up in addiction recovery is this idea that people have to meet their personal rock bottom before making any substantial changes and breaking an addiction. When I hear about marriages that heal post affair, I think about that. Was that the rock bottom that had to occur for the marriage to heal? Would the offending spouse ever be forced to work on their issues without it? Would the spouse who was cheated on ever address their part in the marriage dysfunction without the affair? So you and your wife did gain something, like an addict who spends a few years in jail before getting clean. Was jail something you wanted? No. But the addiction would have killed you otherwise. The affair wasn’t ideal, but would the marriage healed otherwise? Probably not.
This video hit me too! I'm struggling with this in my marriage. I've married for 16 yrs (last Oct) and my husband and I are going through this situation right now in our marriage. I've been unhapph in our marriage for awhile now and never talked to hik about how I've been feeling because it's hard for me to express what I'm feeling to him; told him that I didn't love him anymore; well, about a month ago, my husband found out that I cheated on him and after all the crap that went down, he still wants to make the marriage work, but I don't know what to do. Should we go to couple's therapy? Suggestions?
He should dump you because you will never stop.. you will never accept accountability for your actions ..you will blame him for not meeting some subliminal need.. admit it it the dopamine high you get from deception and lust and will always chase that feeling because your married and your husband can never give that .. cheating is the most selfish thing a spouse can do.. shame on you
Definitely counseling. It will be hard work but worth it. Once you get to the bottom of your own pain, you CAN heal and successfully work on renewing your relationship with your spouse.
Wow. Just... Wow. I'd love to send this to my ex-husband. We've been divorced for 18 years, but he missed all of this. I'm not going to because it would just be for me. He dumped me after 14 years, but so much worse, he dumped our 3 daughters.
I still find it bizarre that ethical, consensual nonmonogamy is so stigmatized but so many people consider cheating normal and acceptable. Absolutely bizarre. Especially as you're subjecting them to sexual risks they never consented to by forcing *unconsensual* nonmonogamy on them in misleading them into thinking they're in a safely monogamous relationship, which I see as violence because it's a sex act and sexual risk they didn't grant informed consent to, just like stealthing.
Consensual or non consensual unfaithfulness is unethical. People who are non monogamous usually have attachment issues and not to mention when kids are involved.
@@blondegiraffe2023 how can you say consensual non-monogamy is unethical? also calling it "unfaithfulness" is pretty bad faith. the unethical thing about cheating is the dishonesty, the lack of trust and the emotional blow it results in, however if everyone agrees and is fine with it, in most circumstances that negates those consequences. an open dialogue and conversation is good. if the consensually non-monogamous couple has kids and a healthy relationship that does involve non-monogamy, i don't see how that negatively impacts the kids. when they are young, they usually don't understand, and when they are old enough to understand there should be open dialogue about that, but that doesn't necessitate a negative impact.
@nikkidevitz consensual fornication is still unfaithfulness. Faithfulness is between 2 spouses, not a group of people. You cannot be faithful to one person while screwing another one. While being with one person, you wouldn't exactly be thinking about the other one. How can you maintain any deep, substantial relationship without being solely focused on that person, and focused on many people?
@nikkidevitz you need to look past your selfish adult viewpoint and see it through the lense of a child. Children deserve a stable present mother and father. Bonding issues will arise. The family unit cannot be functional if it is based on 2 parents seeking pleasure and fulfillment outside of the immediate family unit. Kids in polygamous relationships always grow up with issues being brought up with multiple family units.
Imo, please don't start with a devastating blow like "I desire someone else." Talk about/get counseling for the breakdowns that paved the way to thoughts of infidelity. What set the stage for your wandering eye? There are needs your partner isn't fulfilling - why? Why?
Take the sex away. Work on the conversation. What do you and your partner have in common? Is it just sex? Is it worth your time and effort continuing the relationship? Life is short.
My husband just told me he was having a 2 yr affair … I am shattered … we have been together 35 yrs … he says he is very sorry and wants a second chance … I am willing to try if we get individual and couples therapy but do we have a chance … not sure but I’m hoping we can reconnect and fall in love again 🙏🙏🙏
Find out why he did it and now why he is willing to come back to you. Did he break it off or the other person? Is his coming back to you temporarily until he finds someone else? I'm glad you brought up counseling.
If you both want it then there is definitely a chance. Recovery and healing after infidelity is a process that can take many years. He needs to show 100% transparency and honesty moving forward. Every day he needs to put in the work to earn trust back. It has been a year for us, back then I didn’t think I would survive. I still love him but I have not yet been able to forgive. I still have flashbacks I still think about it daily but my soul is beginning to heal and our marriage is growing into something new.
I had cheated on my spouse in the hight of my addiction, I was up 9 days on meth fresh put of a Pshyc ward woke up naked in a cheap motel with our dealer, and my husband can't forgive me for this and I don't even remember the acts that was probably rape 4 yrs of him punishing me purposely neglecting every form of intamcy emotional security and just tells me to be paitent I'm going on 5 yrs sober , he's on 4yrs sober, he introduced me to the drug and also supported and fed my addiction that led up to that incident, but it was a CHOICE even tho I don't remember making the choice
Oh Jennifer I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve experienced, this is all so hard. I hope you feel like you’re on a healing journey now. That would be impossible for anyone :(
You need to be with some one who wants you to feel good so you don’t want to do enough drugs to wake up Not knowing what happened. ❤ you deserve to feel good and well. If a man wants you to feel bad he’s not gonna treat you any better than how he’s already treated you. You have a right to be free from that. But it’s gonna feel like shit before it feels better.
I wish I’d seen your vids a year ago. I was so lonely and started chatting on an app to find new friends. I fell in love with someone there and I’ve separated from my husband. I don’t think I want my marriage anymore, it was just roommates for years, but…
during Covid i found my dad persistently try to flirt and get sexual and validation from another women through texts, also married with kids. she kept on refuting all his attempts but he kept on going till he actually got blocked by her. when i found those messages i ended up self-harming. and when my dad saw it, and i told him "you know why" he responded with "its not my fault that you're stupid." my mom tried to confront him about this long before i found it. but he always kept on gaslight and lying to her about it. i'll never forgive cheating
Maybe dudes like Jimmy but I can tell you most men I know want the love and the sex is just part of it. A best friend is the most important part and a lot of laughing.
I am a woman. I almost cheated. I micro cheating with sexting. And I didn't need to kiss the guy or send nudes or sleep with him (none of which I engaged in) to feel bad, everyday. And even though I told him I still feel bad, everyday. And tell him all the time. And even though we were fighting and there was neglect and abuse on both sides, I still feel bad, every single day. Because I love him and we both have work because of intense trauma wounds. But what doesn't hurt is having told him I was considering it and that I was sexting. Telling your partner, before it escelates into something physical, in hindsight, is the only thing that won't hurt down the road when everything else does. We are better now, seeking therapy and working together on our conflict styles. But I will never be able to forgive myself, even though he says he has.
I told my boyfriend that i think i liked my best friend at that time and that he likes me back. I proceeded to ask for permission to drive to that best friend. He said yes. I cheated on him emotionally that day and proceeded to do so for 1 more week until my best friend kissed me and i stepped back. What went on in his head to allow me? I guess on that day that i drove to that said friend he wanted to play a video game with the boys. I think that was the day my relationship died. I tried to talk to him the best i could for that time (i was like 19-20??) But he couldnt be bothered. Then for the next year he demaned that i repair our relationship so i had to give even more energy into our relationship even though that was all i did before. Skip forward a few months and i really cheated on him. We both didnt know better. I felt trapped because of my childhood and it felt like i couldnt leave so i had to escape that relationship in my own way. We probably both learned how to be better partners for the future. At least he told me afterwards he realised what a dick he's been. I hope he survived it and now evolved... i did :) ill never do it again
@@augiemusky You wrote long ago, and maybe you have found way to handle it. I hope your life is as you prefer. But should the insecurity continue, do clarify the situation with yourself - maybe with help from somebody professional - how do you feel? You, yourself. In your heart. In the middle of the night. When you have to put on a brave face, when meeting people who know nothing. When you think of the example you and your husband are for others, especially kids. Talk with a marriage lawyer, you might think you lose everything if you file for divorce, but that is probably not the case. You have done nothing wrong! You only need to be sure that you don't want to live like you are having it now, you don't need proof for his infidelity. You can divorce him anyway, for keeping you insecure and unsafe and dismissing your feelings. If you'd had a daughter, would you wish she had your life, or not? I don't think so.
Thank you for the reply. While he insists he has never cheated and I insist he has ( suspicious phone activity and online activity, suspicious behavior, etc.) I have forgiven him. We are now empty nesters, and there is no more suspicious activity. He treats me better... which is another clue -in my mind- that he was cheating: when she’s not up to your ideal standard its easier to justify your indiscretion
My (soon to be ex) husband was living a double life. I don’t agree that unfulfilled needs is what causes an affair. Sometimes it’s just a horrible, selfish person. He told me that it was because I ‘wasn’t sleeping with him enough’ and for no other reason. He was r*ping me during the marriage, too. Unfulfilled needs? Rough s*x every night isn’t a need. It was for him, apparently, but a legitimate need not being met isn’t always the reason.
My ex husband cheated after 9 years and two children. It was the worse pain ever. Coward is 100 percent what he was. I threw him out and was in so much emotional pain for years. His life has been rubbish and the woman he cheated with left him 4 years on. I laughed when I heard that. As he lost so much to gain very little
I mean, in fantasy land youre desired by strangers that dont have to deal with the responsibility of taking care of you or dealing with your true colors. Your spouse is meeting these responsibilities and is completely taken for granted. Im so glad i am a person of integrity and i have no doubt that i will get what i give one day.... Consistently. You can only love someone so much and unconditionally, but you cant give people like that, what they are not willing to give themselves. If they cant respect themselves theyll never respect others. If they dont love themselves (real love not ego) they will never recognize your love. People talk a good game. May really believe what theyre saying in the beginning but their greed,selfishness and emotional immaturity will always reveal itself . Do whats right always and things will work out for you in the end. Atleast you had the courage to love someone with everything you had. Never forget , thats your love. No one infouences it. You had that love before them and youll have it after. They just no longer gave you a safe place to show it.
As a polyamorous person in an 18- year- long successful 3- person family- AKA good marriage- i can completely endorse the points in this video. Whether you are a monogamous person or a polygamous person, transparency, full disclosure, loving communication are non- optional. We have regular family meetings to take temperature on where everyone is emotionally, support wise, stress wise. I shared with my partners that my platonic relationship with someone would be emotionally and intellectually intimate BEFORE i approached that person. AFTER i answered their questions and clarified my intentions AND they ok'd it, i came to the person and told them everything that i intended and how i wanted our friendship to deepen, including that i had already said all the same things to my spouses. Everyone has full information and can express their responses and make decisions based on reality.
I don't believe in blame, right vs wrong. This gets us nowhere. If there is deep, healthy love, it's worth fighting for. A good marriage built on a strong foundation CAN withstand a betrayal if we embrace our godly qualities including grace and forgiveness. To me, nothing is unforgiveable. As I once read: 'Marriage is an act of endless forgiveness." i believe that. Let's walk the walk... ** I want to be a blackberry 😅
Help me learn to forgive my partner for cheating please. I want this to work. It's been three years since I found out and it still hurts like I found out yesterday.
It may always hurt. See if you can build trust. If you always see him as a cheater, you may not be able to move forward. You'll have to let it go. Best of luck to you.
I am also working on forgiving. I’ve had a lot of therapy and done a lot of self therapy. I’m not paralyzed and shattered anymore but it still hurts and I still think about it every single day. I am assuming healing from that trauma will take plenty of time and effort. He has done extensive therapy as well, he has zero privacy (his choice) everything is transparent, every day he puts in the work to be safe and trustworthy. Everyone is different but unfortunately in my case physical objects and places are associated with his betrayal so we have sold/donated everything, including his clothes, the car and hopefully the house soon. I rather be poor than live in memories of betrayal. We still talk about what he did. Any time we need to and that helps. Him not shying away helps. We will never be the same as we were. I still love him and my soul is starting to heal thanks to the work both of us have put in. Our marriage is growing into something new. But complete forgiveness is still ahead.
@@ilda2768 thank you for your reply. That really helps. I'm grateful for your healing and him being so eager to ensure healing is being done as well. I truly hope it all works out for you two. It's admirable that you two are working so hard to get through it.
I was a serial cheater in my first marriage. I was afraid to leave because I was being manipulated to stay. Finally I stopped being afraid to leave a marriage I should’ve never entered!!! Thank you for this video!
Do you see that Serial Cheater just passed the blame onto the person they cheated on. Still not taking accountability. If wasn't them. I guarantee you will cheat on the next one too.
My ex cheated on me from the beginning we started the relationship, but his friends are not keeping him accountable and he cheated in his last relationships too..... I was just another victim, but I am Heartbroken because I thought he was the one
Youre not bloody deprived from getting sth from your wife. If she's not behaving lovingly to your neglect and coldness - that just means she's not a robot. Would you....run after someone who doesn't care about you?
Never mind telling your spouse before you cheat. You can also lessen the damage and nip it in the bud by telling your spouse before sex happens. If you are not sure you are ready to leave your spouse for your affair partner, are you keeping the affair a secret? If you are using the affair to dynamite yourself out of your marriage you wouldn't be keeping it a secret...
Yes and most people who are cheating on have the phrase "my body,my choice.Love is unconditional,i m not your property".When you both agree to be faithful especially sexual,means we will respect both of us.Cheating is Betrayal at highest level.That's why most of the person who were cheat on are dissapointed and hurted.
I was transparent about wanting to cheat, and got a hall pass for an open relationship. Fast forward and I found a partner who knew about me being married and in an open relationship/hall pass. Turns out my husband thought I was bluffing and decided he didn’t want me to be with anyone else, while refusing to work on the marriage. He kicked me out; I filed for divorce. Sometimes marriages on life support need courage and compassion to pull the plug.
![[Full Story] My Wife Cheated While I Was Grieving My Brother's Death, Then Blamed Me for...](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/0cKVvoLlNoM/mqdefault.jpg)
Cheating is a vicious offense. Not only can it potentially infect someone with an STD, it will affect their ability to trust and love. This is a wicked thing to do to someone.
Many STDs are death sentences, too.😢
And these can last a lifetime, affecting every single moment of every single day and every relationship going forward. 💔
@@stellaallbright4750 so sad. To think Jimmy put his poor wife Emily through that. She should’ve left. No one deserves that.
What kind of person is so reckless, immature and irresponsible that goes to bed with a stranger without protecting themselves?!😮
@@Stellalovely1At least he learned a lesson and now he isn't a jerk. Some guys don't have affairs because they don't have opportunity for that or they are too lazy for that but they don't care about their wives and they don't want to understand them! At least Jimmy now is a good spouse and he really understands women! 😮
My brother cheated on his pregnant wife. He showed no remorse and upended the lives of a little girl and unborn child, not to mention their mom. To those men that say they want to cheat rather than talk to their wives, let me tell you, she left him. He is miserable. His self esteem is at an all time low. He's on substances and working a dead end govt job. He had a successful job in our community as a religious leader but is now the complete opposite of what he was. I pray every day that he allows himself to reflect, feel and heal.
Thank you for your transparency, and your willingness to be vulnerable. I wish this had 100 million views. Every man needs to see this. God bless you
Thank you for this Tim.
Yes agree with this 100%
And every woman. These principles are not gender specific.
You do realise that 70% of couples that have a cheating partner stay together. There are many reasons they stay together i.e, children, finances. Just because this Jimmy and his wife are still together doesn't mean they have sorted anything out. Has anyone ever seen his wife? He's a cheater. He's hardly a trustworthy person.
@@justenjoy-rr7hoAs bad as cheating is, what happened to allowing people to change and do better. We are not the judges of other's situations. We all have our own demons. Infedility has many faces.
This makes me cry. Thank you for the courage to call out the cowardly act that cheating is.
I think my marriage is beyond repair but listening to this at least gives me hope for others. It’s time for all of us to grow up and become the men and women we need each other to be for our children’s future.
I cried too. 😢
EDIT: For the future.
Not cheating and fostering healthy relationships should be something EVERYONE strives for, not only those who bear children. 🎯
I always wondered how your wife felt, how she dealt with those feelings and why she stayed. My mom said kids are a big reason most people don't divorce. But I admire you anyways, it probably doesnt make a lot of sense as to why, but I admire that you changed, and that you wanted to be better for your wife, your kids, and your family. Coming from someone who grew up with a horrible "father," Thank you, for caring and being better for your kids, it does make a huge difference when kids dont have a good father.
Thank you for this
I think that Jimmy also wanted to be a better person to himself.. someone that he knew he was capable of being.
I guess if we think about it, he had to attain being a better person for himself first before he could address his wife, children, and family.
@@denisebayer8748I agree.
If he didn't do the things that it takes and make the changes, why would Emily allow herself to build trust with him again?
@@alicecain4851There are many answers to the “why” (Not saying it’s their case) but a lot of women stay for the kids, some stay because they’ve already invested SO MUCH into the marriage, pressure from others, embarrassment from getting a divorce, don’t want to be a single parent, don’t want to be alone (especially if the guy is the only one they’ve been with), financially disadvantaged if they leave, etc.
She has to stay because the next guy is guaranteed to be dumber than him
I can't agree that affairs follow unfulfilled needs in the marriage. 22 days after our wedding, I discovered that my husband had been carrying on a torrid emotional affair with a supposedly ex-girlfriend. He continued reconnecting with her for the next 20 years. There were two other women. He couldn't see the problem seeing he wasn't f-ing them. The penny dropped about 3 years ago, when he finally agreed to couples therapy. He's now trying to reach out to me but it is far too late. I have nothing at all left to give him. I cannot trust him. I'm not emotionally safe with him. i'm done with giving him sex when there's nothing in it for me but physical discomfort, a sense of being used, even a sense of being soiled, and a huge emptiness.
I'm so sorry to hear that and to be honest he doesn't deserve anything from you, sounds like he never did.
@SuzanneU Please tell me you are getting counseling and have a good girlfriend to help you.
If he was emotionally bonded with others, there were unfulfilled needs… YOURS.
I don’t hear him saying it’s the fault of the betrayed
Good for you for not staying. I don’t think that would ever be repairable.
Ask Jesus to heal your heart.
I personally could NEVER trust someone again that betrayed me.
My husband thought he could stay married (an obligation) and not get caught. He destroyed my heart and love for him. I would have rather he just got a divorce instead because of the pain it has caused me for years. He said he was sorry but has never really changed. If you do cheat and want to stay married then you must change and repair the relationship and the trust.
Note: we are still married, the Lord working on me to forgive him and pray for him. Seeking the Lord and His Love is what heals. 💛
Awww amen I’m glad ABBA is working on you with him🥺 may your marriage better than before
I wish that my X HUSBAND had this awareness before he cheated and gave me hepatitis. He broke our marriage, and children!
He has shortened my life span bc he “wanted more sex” and went to someone else and destroyed everything! SELFISH COWARD!
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you’re doing better now. And I hope you get the best treatment possible!!
Please get some counseling.
You're hurting so deeply for many reasons.
Hate can eat you alive.
I don't want that for you.
I hope you are getting the medical help you need to be as healthy as you possibly can.
Best of luck.
I’m been in counseling for 3 years since he ask for a divorce. It’s the sexual assault that I’m finally dealing with. It’s hard to let that one go. When I said no and he took what he wanted. I am hope to forgive him someday and to find a person who is available for an emotional available man.
Videos like this make me even happier to be single. I haven't gone through the rollercoaster of emotions displayed in this video since my last relationship ended over 6 years ago. I love the peace and solitude I've experienced in the past few years. Everything has a higher meaning. Life isn't about co-dependency, competing egos, superficial love, betrayal, etc.
It's about finding and cultivating happiness within yourself. The paradox is that a wonderful marriage is where both partners have this happiness, wholeness and confidence within themselves but many who get married do from a place of insecurity, incompleteness, desire to seek external validation or trying to please others.
You don't think that those are the symptoms of a broken society? If everyone believed and lived as you, there would be no human race. Chuldre would not be created or survive without two people. Maybe instead of throwing out the institution between people who bring children into the world, maybe we should raise higher caliber people who are more secure, mature, dependable and loving.
@@grace52775 as I mentioned in my original comment, the focus should be on people finding happiness within themselves. If they wish to get married, having that integrity and love for themselves first only benefits a marriage.
Many of the marriages that exist now are what causes a broken society. Co-dependency, shallowness, insecurity and betrayal of a partner's trust is what causes issues. Having kids grow up in a home with that type of energy is detrimental.
Not everyone on this planet is meant to get married and have kids. We should normalize that so people stop trying to make relationships work with partners they are incompatible with just because they feel it's their duty to do so.
A relationship should not involve suffering. Learning and growing doesn't have to mean learning how to forgive a cheating spouse or allowing your partner to talk you into something that can put your health and mental well-being at risk.
True personal growth means knowing when to leave a hurtful or disrespectful relationship and shifting that energy into honouring the good friends and family who are truly there for you, while also standing on your own 2 feet.
@grace52775 -- Don't you think your comment is neglecting the fact that SEX, not marriage, brings babies into the world?! 🙄
JFC.
Get off your judgemental high horse and leave those of us who have been crushed by adulterous assholes and found contentment in being single ALONE. You sound incredibly codependent to me.
Thank you. I appreciate your words, because it did not work out with my ex-husband. He never said any of these words. The pain he caused, the wounds he created in everyone around him. It feels good to hear it from someone who has gone through it too. This video helps. All of your videos help.
this video took courage
That's kind of you
@@JimmyonRelationshipsSOooooo true
Immense courage. He’s giving a warning signals and how to handle the marriage in the first place.
It makes me sad to know that you cheated, but your videos are helpful and much needed. Keep up the good work.
You're a poet and didn't know it!
(Dad joke! Sorry! I couldn't help myself.)
Watching Jimmy’s Facebook feed skits and videos, it’s challenging to not put him on a pedestal. I have thoughts like “This is the one in a million billion guy who actually understands human connection and relationships. I bet his marriage thrives.” It comes with some level of disappointment in my own spouse. Then I came to Jimmy’s TH-cam and things got so real. I don’t expect this level of honesty and vulnerability from online influencers, I’m so used to perfection and a curtain covering anything ugly or raw. It gives me a new level of respect of what he teaches. I applaud Jimmy and Emily for using personal experience, failure and brokenness to help others. These building blocks of romantic relationships are so vital, that even someone so book smart in counseling had to learn emotional intelligence in their own marriage and family. It seems it never happens without intentionality, and in that way it’s encouraging that putting in the work is necessary and likely the best hope for a happy fulfilling marriage.
Wow!!! I had no idea you’re an example of someone who took on the growth and facing wounds and was willing to change themselves!! This is MASSIVELY special to platform this! Wow! I just thought this subject matter was your specialty. Thank you for this willingness and true change!
It takes a lot of humbleness to address this publicly on a personal level.
No easy feat for Jimmy. I admire him for becoming a better human.
As the unfaithful partner I approve this message! If I wouldve found these videos earlier I couldve saved us so much pain and heartbreak.
@heidiainsworth4348 -- Don't use these videos as justification or crutch, we all know cheating is wrong and WHY from childhood.
When my best friend told me she'd had an affair, I told her she had to tell her spouse. She was prepared to take it to the grave, but I was blunt with her - something is wrong in the marriage and it won't stop unless she opens her mouth and speaks UP.
Did she?
@@Ariel-ps8jeWe are still waiting on her but just crickets
And then she told him about her affair ...and he was so hurt that he called her names and filed for a divorce right away !
Congratulations.😂
@Ms Treefox So....did the friend you advised to reveal her affairs to her husband really do it? Several people, along with myself, have asked because we would like to know. Your story is incomplete because it does not tell the ending. If you don't answer, it's more likely than not that your friend did not tell her husband. That kind of advice you offered can produce dangerous consequences and outcomes.
My spouse was also going to take it to the grave. He knew that it would destroy me - and it did. It completely annihilated all trust and safety. It made me question my own sanity. I wouldn’t have learned if the other woman hadn’t come forward.
My husband would have let me sleep in the bed where they had sex, snuggle in the sofa where he kissed her, go to my favorite places in the city where he also took her, sit in the same car he drove her home in. His efforts to forget about his actions might even have prevented him to test for STDS.
What he did to my soul is the worst thing I’ve ever been through, and I’ve not had a “blue skies and peonies” kind of life. It made me feel so naive and filthy. We are still together. I never stopped loving him. But we have a long long journey ahead.
Edit: I want to add that I’m grateful to the other woman for informing me though I wish it had come from my husband, that had at least left some sliver of respect for him. I rather know and go through all the hard work than being kept oblivious.
Once that trust has been annihilated, it is near impossible to ever get that back without a strong stench of distrust looming over the relationship. Every reply or lack of one taints the wine. Everything is viewed as suspicious. Man… that is heart wrenching and exhausting! ‘Trust’ takes on new meaning with a multitude of clarifications and baggage. Who knew trust could have baggage? What is the most important thing in overcoming that trust baggage?
The most important thing will be actual forgiveness (if it's appropriate), and then actual repentance on the betrayers part, where they truly learn about trust and how to build it instead of destroy it. I think it's possible to rebuild trust, but only if BOTH people are willing. And I'm in no way saying the betrayed person SHOULD give them another chance.
@@JimmyonRelationships thank you for sharing. I’m really struggling having had 2 husbands that both cheated. Tried to work it out with the first but the 2nd said “he knew I’d never trust him” so didn’t even try. I know I’m the common denominator in these marriages but I don’t know what to do. I try to talk to them when I felt a lack of connection and treated like I’m just nagging. I don’t know how to trust now.
@@Xtine72 Heal first, trust later. That "common denominator" comment of yours is maybe the wrong paradigm
I didn’t trust myself for a long long time after learning about my spouse cheating. If the other woman hadn’t come forward I would never have learned.
I didn’t trust myself because I never saw it coming. Never would I have suspected him to do such a thing. To betray me to the core. I felt so naive and stupid afterwards. It was like my soul was glass and his actions shattered everything. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD afterwards. It has been over a year and I still have flashbacks. Not a single day goes by without me remembering.
We are still together. I never stopped loving him but I have not reached forgiveness yet. Forgiveness is a process. Ever since the ground zero he is putting in the continuous effort to earn trust, to earn forgiveness, showing complete transparency and reassurance.
It has been very expensive. I know not everyone associates material things with people’s actions but I unfortunately do and I can’t walk into our house without being reminded of what took place there. We sold the car, got rid of the furniture, he donated his closet, refinished all the surfaces in the house, paid expensive therapists. We don’t go out to places where they were together (and he brought her to some of my favorite places). Our previous big and beautiful bedroom is empty and will remain that way until we move, far away from here.
I hope we will reach a day when the glass is safely fused back together again.
@@thereturnoffrancesbloggShe probably said that because it was said to her by someone (an abuser) who victim blames. This person may or may not know they're victim blaming. But, if it was husband #2, he definitely said it to diminish his own culpability by blaming her, without even giving her the dignity of clarifying what they think she did wrong.
Holy cow! I think people spend more time watering the lawn than their relationship. That hit me!
Thank you for posting this. Love to see a future video on how the victim of the cheater can recover and what to do to forgive and build trust again with the one who cheated.
For many stupid reasons and some not stupid at all, I cheated on my husband and then he cheated on me all in a 2 month period in our 2nd year of marriage. For all the reasons Jimmy talks about. It killed us both that we broke our vows and committed the sin of adultery. LISTEN to this man, please, and save your marriage before you cheat, not after. You will be much happier much sooner and not all marriages can survive an affair.
My husband and I just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary in Aug 2023 and we’ve never been happier. We know how to communicate now, and how to speak up without hurting the other person. How to grow and change together, not apart. Good luck y’all! 😊
I cheated when I was young. Hearing the reaction by my boyfriend back then hurt so much in me too that I instantly changed and never wanted to do it again. He helped me develop past that need coming from insecurities about myself. I thank him for that today, where I have a longterm relationship without ever being even close to cheating.
Well, where do I begin…… I know what it is like to be in a marriage and get cheated on and I also know what it’s like to start a new relationship and be the cheater. I never thought that is a title that I would have, but now I do. It happened before we got married and it did not get addressed or spoken about. I lied and covered it up. I know of the hurt and pain that I have caused my wife and it is absolutely crushing. I am ashamed of myself and how I treated the most beautiful person that I know. Yes, it was cowardly of me to do such a thing to the mother of my children and the woman that I took before God. I feel like I damaged the most beautiful flower that anyone has ever seen or damaged a pretty butterfly. I find myself sad all of the time and disappointed in myself. My kids also suffer because of my actions. I’ve lost friends and my family does not even talk to me anymore. This pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Thank you for sharing, you have given me the strength to share with you as well
He cheated on me and then blamed me saying I was allowed to have male friends and he couldn’t have female friends… I been friends with my male friend for 22 years and hardly speak to him and never slept with him but he went out of his way to meet her and then hide it for months.
Pleeease say you are not still with him
@@tammysims8716 no he discarded me after I was too broken for him to deal with.
It’s interesting how you can express the problems and a toxic spouse still won’t address the issues. The other issue is that some cheat for sport because they never actually wanted true accountability and partnership with another person. I used to think the marriage was broken but sometimes the other party is loving and does everything more than right and the cheater is just a cheater because they are truly an emotionally and integrity bankrupted person who cannot be honest at all.
My X doesn’t see that he has a problem. Lol
I sneaked into my husbands facebook and liked different channels giving advice on relationships because i wanted to tweak his shorts into seeing some info about relationships without me sending them to him. Yours was one of the channels I liked. I was lacking so much intimacy. I was lonely. But i just couldn't get through to him. He had disconnected at least two years prior.
Around two weeks after doing this i found out he had been sexually unfaithful for the course of almost a year.
Dday was 5 weeks ago.
I can't even tell you how much that broke me. I am still crying daily.
But that did wake him up. He's finally willing to do therapy. He's watching videos with me. Reading books with me. Talks with me. Looks at me. It's sad that I even missed his eye contact.
I just realized you cheated too... and it actually gives me hope. Maybe sometimes that's what It takes.
I don't think hmy husband is a bad person. But the hurt is the worst i have experienced. Still I think we can get though this... all while grieving what we had before (yet not wanting that relationship back). I guess we'll incoorporate your videos into our work.
Ive been through this for 30 years. Don't stay. You will waste your life for nothing.
I’m glad your husband got the message.
Seems like a lot of men don’t hear this kind of stuff from their peers and miss/forget there is another standard out there.
Thank you, Jimmy! So many people - particularly men - need to hear this and do many women in particular appreciate this message being put out! Women are tired of being mothers to their husbands!
I so appreciate your brutal honesty on this. If only more cheaters ever ever acknowledged this perspective. Sadly most never do.
The random rage towards blackberries lol
I know, right?! 😂
I approve this message because I planted blackberries that I've wholly neglected for years, and they're doing great!
Moeilijk voor te stellen dat deze man is vreemd gegaan. Mooi om te horen dat het hem niks goeds heeft opgeleverd, behalve waardevolle lessen.
So sad, my heart is so broken. I appreciate your honesty, and I'm glad you're using your experience to help all of us, but just hearing the word "cheat" and talk about cheating just reduces me to tears because I know my husband did this, and he's been lying to me for just years and years. And, i feel like he'll never tell the truth. And, even if he ever was honest, it's not going to make a difference to make things better, because his lies have been so hurtful, I've been altered as a person. The person I was, having a huge heart and put my whole heart in everything I do and everyone around me, is never coming back.
Thank you so much! My fiancé cheated awhile back and has been bearing the guilt of that for over 2 years now. I found out about it we went through the worse thing imaginable. Now we are stronger then ever and your videos have helped us in so many ways.
Wow. Just plain old HUGE WOW! I thought you’d said it all, then I stumbled on THIS video. 🙌🏼💪🏼❤
THANK YOU!
Storms ARE coming-
… and blackberries do make delicious cobbler 🤷🏻♀️
This video gave me a good hard cathartic cry after 10 years of losing what i believed was my soulmate (only to find out his wife (ME)was the woman on the side). Thank you for the validation and catharsis. I've been alone for over 10 years trying to process his betrayals.
First affair I walked in on 2 mos after marriage. 8 years later still discovering infidelities. I thought I was fighting to save my best friend. He used that friendship and my naivety to feed his....."ego"
Last I heard two months of being separated his ....."ego" got a flesh eating bacteria.
Finger of God or mere coincidence? I'll let you decide.
Don't cheat on your spouse. ESPECIALLY if they flipping trust you and also adore you!
Thanks for the strength Jimmy! God bless you two!
@@izzy6395 I hear you.
This deserves 1 million likes!!!!!!
Why did you work on it and get it back? Instead of leaving ? When did you realize you wanted to work on it and not really leave ? As a lot of people just leave
This makes cry. Every word is valid by either side
Thank you Jennifer. Means so much
May the Lord continue to bless you, your marriage, and your ministry. What you are sharing is priceless. To God be all the Glory.
Wow ,so much courage from you to say all those.Congratulations.It means you assumed the consequences of your acts which most of cheaters won't do and they will blame the person who was cheated on.Keep going,you are a good example for others men in this world❤
It takes an ENORMOUS amount of courage to admit your mistake, and repent of it. You're not a coward anymore. Thank you.
It takes courage to forgive too. Your wife must be an amazing woman. You're lucky to have each other.
Thank you, it makes all the difference in the world how open you are with your own experiences ❤
Jimmy, Thank you for opening up like this, & sharing truly Valuable Info❤️👍. It seems like the majority of guys in general Do think cheating Is a flex, will always do it, don't care, & are fine leaving women & children behind for that next temporary piece of a**. You might be a rare person doing the Actual Work like this, so, Wow, Amazing Job bro!! & Props to your Wife; she's a strong lady, worth doing the work for, you Both are Incredible ppl!🌞❤️
Honestly this is not true, 20% of men and 13% of women. Most of us think cheating is disgusting.
This is so wow, I can't even begin to process that correctly. I nearly cheated on my first husband and you tick all the boxes with excuses I was trying to make to justify the cause, and the means. I think I wouldn't have been a good mother able to respect myself if I did. Thank God I did not. Thank you for this powerful message of exposing yourself for the greater good of rescuing some other people. Wow, huge respect.
Cheating destroys ALL TRUST and RESPECT. No matter how much time passes, the relationship will never be the same. Things will always be damaged, broken. 💔 Watching my best friend go through this right now, while she has CANCER, and 3 small children under the age of ten...which is how she found out about her husbands affair. His brazen unbelievably selfish actions are appalling.
This was pretty powerful. Thanks for calling me a f@cking coward. I needed to hear that. Seriously. Can you/have you done a video on how your marriage grew after the infidelity and how dangerous it is to keep bringing up that dark chapter (cheating)?
Vickyyou are still being a coward. You don't want to be reminded of the shitty thing you did. You want to sweep it under the rug and deny your partner from mentio ING it again and there hurt feelings.
Bringing up that “dark chapter” is necessary…. If you try to run from it might as well just divorce now
But does he mean, bringing it up, and up, and up...
I guess if that does happen, there are still things that need to be discussed that haven't been resolved from that time.
Trust is SO HARD to get back.
That's the thing.
You do something - like, come home late from work - and she still wonders why you're late.
How long does this lack of trust take to get back?
I imagine, quite a long time.
If never.
It is _not at all_ dangerous to keep bringing up the cheater's cheating. I actually fail to see how it is a problem... at all.
(The "you" in the following paragraph is the general/universal you, not you specifically, as I do not know about your relationship.)
It literally means that the other person has not healed from the damage you caused yet, and getting frustrated at them for bringing it up more so sounds like you avoiding responsibility than them causing problems. They will never ever forget what you did, and they likely haven't forgiven you if they still bring it up, so it is up to you to figure out how to help them heal... with a big chance they never will fully forgive you (no matter what they say about forgiving you---actions speak louder than words, and that applies to both their reaction to your cheating and how you try to repair your relationship). Them bringing it up is either something you have to deal with _or_ is something you have to break up with them over if you think it's damaging to both parties. Sure, it is on them to _try_ to heal, but it is _not_ on them to heal.
I believe in second chances, but the second chance is always going to be nearly insurmountably harder than the first chance if it's about cheating.
Oh boy. You don’t get to blow up your relationship by cheating and then expect to not have your significant other never bring it up again. And half of the time marriages don’t grow because of cheating. They end. And from personal experience, the marriage you had when you cheated is over. It doesn’t exist anymore. If you stay together, you are starting over from scratch and it is hopefully a new marriage that is being built with a LOT of openness and, guess what else? talking about the cheating and betrayal. And even then, things will never never be the same.
I love this. I love the honesty and humility. Everyone should see this ❤
Extramarital affairs are a huge epidemic. It’s not just American, it’s not just men, it’s everywhere and affects everyone. I feel that there is so much more happening behind the scenes. More than that what is missing in a relationship…I feel that affairs and the like are a cause of other traumas that occurred before the relationship began, and come to a head when in a relationship for a set period of time, varying person to person.
Of course there is no excuse and no justification, my question is what does every cheater (sexual or emotional) have in common? I think that if we can find that, and make sure our children are not traumatized or deficient in whatever that cause is, it can prevent it in adulthood.
He cheated on me and then when he saw me upset crying and angry about the trust issues he caused and me dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, he distanced himself and deflected and blamed me that I should get over it because the affair was over for him.
He grew up where the adults in his life cheated and decieved and abused each other so he doesnt think much of it. Except when I raise my voice at him, then he cant handle it. He thinks we have a great relationship. I am in an empty marriage that I dont feel I can leave due to personal circumstances.
I wish he felt hurt at me hurting. He just wants me to shut up about problems really.
oh please find solace in Jesus and His peace. This stills my blood. Don't stay in the place you are in, buld yourself if you cannot terminate it as you say. Before it kills you, revive yourself, please.
Great to listen to a man's perspective, to hear what it is like for them on the other side of this situation. It takes two people for a marriage to breakdown - never just one person - as we would like to believe. I can see my next relationship will thrive with the education and insight thanks again Jimmy
Yeah - but it's not always equal.
I would guess if we were talking about 2 "normal" people and that not one of those people wasn't a narcissist.
Or came into the marriage already addicted to pornography to the point that he maxed out our credit cards and spent his paycheck without making sure his kids had formula and diapers. Or food.
I had to ask his parents for money.
I finally told his parents.
They didn't believe me.
I was 8 months pregnant with my 3rd child and brought a HUGE stack of magazines and a big bag of videos (think 1990) to their house and asked them if they thought I was the one who had bought all of this 💩?!?
I should have left then.
I waited. Too long.
He ended up not only hurting me, but hurting my (our?) children, too.
14.6 years.
18.5 years until we got divorced because I wanted the insurance.
I have chronic illnesses and autoimmune diseases. And kids!
We didn't live together after 14.5 years.
He threw my oldest across a room and knocked the wind out of her.
When she was able to talk she said, "this is all my fault, this is all my fault!"
"Just like you see on TV," is all I could think as I told him to get out.
I called my friend I worked with, who was close to the police, and had already had me fill out the paperwork if my ex gave me any problems leaving, which he did.
"This is my house! Why should I leave?"
I said, "I'll call CPS, and they'll do something to you for what you just did to our daughter!"
Yes, I had already gathered all 3 of the kids together and got them all comforted and spoke with my oldest, and checked her out to see if she was all right.
Anyway, yeah.
No!
It's not a 50/50 thing.
That's what my ex's girlfriend told me, "it's 50/50. It's as much your fault as Kyle's."
Except Kyle came into the marriage as a liar.
I'll quit.
But I'm not taking 50% of what went on in my marriage breakdown.
“I didn’t gain anything.”, One thing that pops up in addiction recovery is this idea that people have to meet their personal rock bottom before making any substantial changes and breaking an addiction. When I hear about marriages that heal post affair, I think about that. Was that the rock bottom that had to occur for the marriage to heal? Would the offending spouse ever be forced to work on their issues without it? Would the spouse who was cheated on ever address their part in the marriage dysfunction without the affair? So you and your wife did gain something, like an addict who spends a few years in jail before getting clean. Was jail something you wanted? No. But the addiction would have killed you otherwise. The affair wasn’t ideal, but would the marriage healed otherwise? Probably not.
Just be honest. Always talk about it. Very honest. He lied. Cheat many times. I left.
Outstanding! Thank you! This must have been so hard for you.
This video hit me too! I'm struggling with this in my marriage. I've married for 16 yrs (last Oct) and my husband and I are going through this situation right now in our marriage. I've been unhapph in our marriage for awhile now and never talked to hik about how I've been feeling because it's hard for me to express what I'm feeling to him; told him that I didn't love him anymore; well, about a month ago, my husband found out that I cheated on him and after all the crap that went down, he still wants to make the marriage work, but I don't know what to do. Should we go to couple's therapy? Suggestions?
He should dump you because you will never stop.. you will never accept accountability for your actions ..you will blame him for not meeting some subliminal need.. admit it it the dopamine high you get from deception and lust and will always chase that feeling because your married and your husband can never give that .. cheating is the most selfish thing a spouse can do.. shame on you
Definitely get help, together if possible but absolutely for yourself so that you can learn and heal. Wishing you well
Definitely counseling. It will be hard work but worth it. Once you get to the bottom of your own pain, you CAN heal and successfully work on renewing your relationship with your spouse.
Remember, with God, ALL things are POSSIBLE. He wants to help❣️
What did you end up doing? You said you didn't love him anymore - was that true?
YES! And if this is you, get help!!!! You can shift these things quickly, but it is really hard on your own.
Wow. Just... Wow.
I'd love to send this to my ex-husband.
We've been divorced for 18 years, but he missed all of this.
I'm not going to because it would just be for me.
He dumped me after 14 years, but so much worse, he dumped our 3 daughters.
open communication truly is what makes or breaks a relationship. its so important, but most often ignored. this is coming from a child of divorce.
I still find it bizarre that ethical, consensual nonmonogamy is so stigmatized but so many people consider cheating normal and acceptable.
Absolutely bizarre. Especially as you're subjecting them to sexual risks they never consented to by forcing *unconsensual* nonmonogamy on them in misleading them into thinking they're in a safely monogamous relationship, which I see as violence because it's a sex act and sexual risk they didn't grant informed consent to, just like stealthing.
I don’t know anyone who thinks cheating is normal and acceptable whether they are monogamous or consensually nonmanogamous.
Consensual or non consensual unfaithfulness is unethical. People who are non monogamous usually have attachment issues and not to mention when kids are involved.
@@blondegiraffe2023 how can you say consensual non-monogamy is unethical? also calling it "unfaithfulness" is pretty bad faith. the unethical thing about cheating is the dishonesty, the lack of trust and the emotional blow it results in, however if everyone agrees and is fine with it, in most circumstances that negates those consequences. an open dialogue and conversation is good. if the consensually non-monogamous couple has kids and a healthy relationship that does involve non-monogamy, i don't see how that negatively impacts the kids. when they are young, they usually don't understand, and when they are old enough to understand there should be open dialogue about that, but that doesn't necessitate a negative impact.
@nikkidevitz consensual fornication is still unfaithfulness. Faithfulness is between 2 spouses, not a group of people. You cannot be faithful to one person while screwing another one. While being with one person, you wouldn't exactly be thinking about the other one. How can you maintain any deep, substantial relationship without being solely focused on that person, and focused on many people?
@nikkidevitz you need to look past your selfish adult viewpoint and see it through the lense of a child. Children deserve a stable present mother and father. Bonding issues will arise. The family unit cannot be functional if it is based on 2 parents seeking pleasure and fulfillment outside of the immediate family unit. Kids in polygamous relationships always grow up with issues being brought up with multiple family units.
You have to let me interview you for my graduate work. Please. How can we teach our boys? We need social change. You are not the only one.
Very true !
A lot of women cheat too.... so rather it's how can we teach our children.
Imo, please don't start with a devastating blow like "I desire someone else." Talk about/get counseling for the breakdowns that paved the way to thoughts of infidelity. What set the stage for your wandering eye? There are needs your partner isn't fulfilling - why? Why?
Take the sex away. Work on the conversation. What do you and your partner have in common? Is it just sex? Is it worth your time and effort continuing the relationship? Life is short.
Sending this to my friend. She needs to hear this.
I'm glad you talked about this openly. I was the cheater😢
Shame…
@Stellalovely1 because that is helpful. Learn some nuance. Things aren't black n white and he was a grapist
@@Stellalovely1 shame you're so judgey
@@GoddessOfLoveEnergy333 it’s not judging. Cheating is shameful.
@@Stellalovely1 see the thing is I agree, but I also have nuance looking at the situation because everything isn't black and white
Not only sexually betrayed but emotionally betrayed too, which is worse...
The problem is many dontput in effort.
Omg..u r so good 🙏😊
Thanks.. ❤
Maybe some cheaters finally understand 😮..😢🎉😅
Blackberries...🤣🤣😆😄
Applause To you sharing your experience and the lesson you learned👍 I’m sure it will help a lot of couples!
haha black berries, my bb bushes die constantly xD but i get it, good video!
My husband just told me he was having a 2 yr affair … I am shattered … we have been together 35 yrs … he says he is very sorry and wants a second chance … I am willing to try if we get individual and couples therapy but do we have a chance … not sure but I’m hoping we can reconnect and fall in love again 🙏🙏🙏
Find out why he did it and now why he is willing to come back to you.
Did he break it off or the other person?
Is his coming back to you temporarily until he finds someone else?
I'm glad you brought up counseling.
If you both want it then there is definitely a chance. Recovery and healing after infidelity is a process that can take many years. He needs to show 100% transparency and honesty moving forward. Every day he needs to put in the work to earn trust back. It has been a year for us, back then I didn’t think I would survive. I still love him but I have not yet been able to forgive. I still have flashbacks I still think about it daily but my soul is beginning to heal and our marriage is growing into something new.
I had cheated on my spouse in the hight of my addiction, I was up 9 days on meth fresh put of a Pshyc ward woke up naked in a cheap motel with our dealer, and my husband can't forgive me for this and I don't even remember the acts that was probably rape 4 yrs of him punishing me purposely neglecting every form of intamcy emotional security and just tells me to be paitent I'm going on 5 yrs sober , he's on 4yrs sober, he introduced me to the drug and also supported and fed my addiction that led up to that incident, but it was a CHOICE even tho I don't remember making the choice
Oh Jennifer I’m so sorry for all the pain you’ve experienced, this is all so hard. I hope you feel like you’re on a healing journey now. That would be impossible for anyone :(
Imma be real, I think something different happened to you...
You need to be with some one who wants you to feel good so you don’t want to do enough drugs to wake up Not knowing what happened. ❤ you deserve to feel good and well. If a man wants you to feel bad he’s not gonna treat you any better than how he’s already treated you. You have a right to be free from that. But it’s gonna feel like shit before it feels better.
You deserve better
I wish I’d seen your vids a year ago. I was so lonely and started chatting on an app to find new friends. I fell in love with someone there and I’ve separated from my husband. I don’t think I want my marriage anymore, it was just roommates for years, but…
during Covid i found my dad persistently try to flirt and get sexual and validation from another women through texts, also married with kids. she kept on refuting all his attempts but he kept on going till he actually got blocked by her. when i found those messages i ended up self-harming. and when my dad saw it, and i told him "you know why" he responded with "its not my fault that you're stupid."
my mom tried to confront him about this long before i found it. but he always kept on gaslight and lying to her about it. i'll never forgive cheating
I would never forgive cheating.
So what were you deprived of, Jimmy?
you can’t be deprived of something that is not owed to you.
Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love 🥺
You're so right
Maybe dudes like Jimmy but I can tell you most men I know want the love and the sex is just part of it. A best friend is the most important part and a lot of laughing.
I've made some negative comments on your videos before. I retract those statements and apologize.
This was one of your bests!!!
I would love to hear your wife's opinion on this. How she handled. How she made the decision to stay.
I am a woman. I almost cheated. I micro cheating with sexting. And I didn't need to kiss the guy or send nudes or sleep with him (none of which I engaged in) to feel bad, everyday.
And even though I told him I still feel bad, everyday. And tell him all the time.
And even though we were fighting and there was neglect and abuse on both sides, I still feel bad, every single day.
Because I love him and we both have work because of intense trauma wounds.
But what doesn't hurt is having told him I was considering it and that I was sexting. Telling your partner, before it escelates into something physical, in hindsight, is the only thing that won't hurt down the road when everything else does.
We are better now, seeking therapy and working together on our conflict styles.
But I will never be able to forgive myself, even though he says he has.
I told my boyfriend that i think i liked my best friend at that time and that he likes me back. I proceeded to ask for permission to drive to that best friend. He said yes. I cheated on him emotionally that day and proceeded to do so for 1 more week until my best friend kissed me and i stepped back. What went on in his head to allow me? I guess on that day that i drove to that said friend he wanted to play a video game with the boys. I think that was the day my relationship died. I tried to talk to him the best i could for that time (i was like 19-20??) But he couldnt be bothered. Then for the next year he demaned that i repair our relationship so i had to give even more energy into our relationship even though that was all i did before. Skip forward a few months and i really cheated on him. We both didnt know better. I felt trapped because of my childhood and it felt like i couldnt leave so i had to escape that relationship in my own way. We probably both learned how to be better partners for the future. At least he told me afterwards he realised what a dick he's been. I hope he survived it and now evolved... i did :) ill never do it again
Except Blackberries 😂 I live in the PNW.. Blackberries never die 😂 Thank you for your videos… 🙏🌠
I destroyed my life to man I am a coward and now I'm going to live my life in guilt
what if you are sure (circumstantial evidence) that he's cheated, at least twice, but he continues to insist he didn't.
If you can prove it, and he refuses to admit it, the relationship is over :(
@@JimmyonRelationships the circumstances look extremely suspicious and he has no explanation. That isn't proof.
@@augiemusky You wrote long ago, and maybe you have found way to handle it. I hope your life is as you prefer. But should the insecurity continue, do clarify the situation with yourself - maybe with help from somebody professional - how do you feel? You, yourself. In your heart. In the middle of the night. When you have to put on a brave face, when meeting people who know nothing. When you think of the example you and your husband are for others, especially kids.
Talk with a marriage lawyer, you might think you lose everything if you file for divorce, but that is probably not the case. You have done nothing wrong!
You only need to be sure that you don't want to live like you are having it now, you don't need proof for his infidelity. You can divorce him anyway, for keeping you insecure and unsafe and dismissing your feelings. If you'd had a daughter, would you wish she had your life, or not? I don't think so.
Thank you for the reply. While he insists he has never cheated and I insist he has ( suspicious phone activity and online activity, suspicious behavior, etc.) I have forgiven him. We are now empty nesters, and there is no more suspicious activity. He treats me better... which is another clue -in my mind- that he was cheating: when she’s not up to your ideal standard its easier to justify your indiscretion
@augiemusky he may be innocent but I'd wager people's gut feeling about the cheating is nearly always right 😢 Hope things have worked out for you
Could please do a video on rebound relationships the insight would be a major eye opener
🙏Bless you and your famïly. Thank you
More marriages could be changed if they truly repented with their HEART like you because it’s about LOVE and seeking more of God.
i feel like what he was expressing here was that it's more about open communication and a dialogue rather than anything religious.
The devil is a liar.
My (soon to be ex) husband was living a double life. I don’t agree that unfulfilled needs is what causes an affair. Sometimes it’s just a horrible, selfish person. He told me that it was because I ‘wasn’t sleeping with him enough’ and for no other reason. He was r*ping me during the marriage, too. Unfulfilled needs? Rough s*x every night isn’t a need. It was for him, apparently, but a legitimate need not being met isn’t always the reason.
My ex husband cheated after 9 years and two children. It was the worse pain ever. Coward is 100 percent what he was. I threw him out and was in so much emotional pain for years. His life has been rubbish and the woman he cheated with left him 4 years on. I laughed when I heard that. As he lost so much to gain very little
I mean, in fantasy land youre desired by strangers that dont have to deal with the responsibility of taking care of you or dealing with your true colors. Your spouse is meeting these responsibilities and is completely taken for granted. Im so glad i am a person of integrity and i have no doubt that i will get what i give one day.... Consistently. You can only love someone so much and unconditionally, but you cant give people like that, what they are not willing to give themselves. If they cant respect themselves theyll never respect others. If they dont love themselves (real love not ego) they will never recognize your love. People talk a good game. May really believe what theyre saying in the beginning but their greed,selfishness and emotional immaturity will always reveal itself . Do whats right always and things will work out for you in the end. Atleast you had the courage to love someone with everything you had. Never forget , thats your love. No one infouences it. You had that love before them and youll have it after. They just no longer gave you a safe place to show it.
As a polyamorous person in an 18- year- long successful 3- person family- AKA good marriage- i can completely endorse the points in this video. Whether you are a monogamous person or a polygamous person, transparency, full disclosure, loving communication are non- optional.
We have regular family meetings to take temperature on where everyone is emotionally, support wise, stress wise. I shared with my partners that my platonic relationship with someone would be emotionally and intellectually intimate BEFORE i approached that person. AFTER i answered their questions and clarified my intentions AND they ok'd it, i came to the person and told them everything that i intended and how i wanted our friendship to deepen, including that i had already said all the same things to my spouses. Everyone has full information and can express their responses and make decisions based on reality.
I don't believe in blame, right vs wrong. This gets us nowhere. If there is deep, healthy love, it's worth fighting for. A good marriage built on a strong foundation CAN withstand a betrayal if we embrace our godly qualities including grace and forgiveness. To me, nothing is unforgiveable. As I once read: 'Marriage is an act of endless forgiveness." i believe that. Let's walk the walk... ** I want to be a blackberry 😅
Help me learn to forgive my partner for cheating please. I want this to work. It's been three years since I found out and it still hurts like I found out yesterday.
It may always hurt.
See if you can build trust.
If you always see him as a cheater, you may not be able to move forward.
You'll have to let it go.
Best of luck to you.
I am also working on forgiving. I’ve had a lot of therapy and done a lot of self therapy. I’m not paralyzed and shattered anymore but it still hurts and I still think about it every single day. I am assuming healing from that trauma will take plenty of time and effort. He has done extensive therapy as well, he has zero privacy (his choice) everything is transparent, every day he puts in the work to be safe and trustworthy.
Everyone is different but unfortunately in my case physical objects and places are associated with his betrayal so we have sold/donated everything, including his clothes, the car and hopefully the house soon. I rather be poor than live in memories of betrayal.
We still talk about what he did. Any time we need to and that helps. Him not shying away helps.
We will never be the same as we were. I still love him and my soul is starting to heal thanks to the work both of us have put in. Our marriage is growing into something new. But complete forgiveness is still ahead.
@@ilda2768 thank you for your reply. That really helps. I'm grateful for your healing and him being so eager to ensure healing is being done as well. I truly hope it all works out for you two. It's admirable that you two are working so hard to get through it.
Okay, we have established am not a blueberry or strawberry…. Am not even a weed…. 😅
I was a serial cheater in my first marriage. I was afraid to leave because I was being manipulated to stay. Finally I stopped being afraid to leave a marriage I should’ve never entered!!! Thank you for this video!
Do you see that Serial Cheater just passed the blame onto the person they cheated on. Still not taking accountability.
If wasn't them. I guarantee you will cheat on the next one too.
My ex cheated on me from the beginning we started the relationship, but his friends are not keeping him accountable and he cheated in his last relationships too..... I was just another victim, but I am Heartbroken because I thought he was the one
Youre not bloody deprived from getting sth from your wife. If she's not behaving lovingly to your neglect and coldness - that just means she's not a robot. Would you....run after someone who doesn't care about you?
Did strangers start calling you Cheatos and laugh at you behind your back?
Never mind telling your spouse before you cheat. You can also lessen the damage and nip it in the bud by telling your spouse before sex happens. If you are not sure you are ready to leave your spouse for your affair partner, are you keeping the affair a secret? If you are using the affair to dynamite yourself out of your marriage you wouldn't be keeping it a secret...
Yes and most people who are cheating on have the phrase "my body,my choice.Love is unconditional,i m not your property".When you both agree to be faithful especially sexual,means we will respect both of us.Cheating is Betrayal at highest level.That's why most of the person who were cheat on are dissapointed and hurted.
I was transparent about wanting to cheat, and got a hall pass for an open relationship. Fast forward and I found a partner who knew about me being married and in an open relationship/hall pass. Turns out my husband thought I was bluffing and decided he didn’t want me to be with anyone else, while refusing to work on the marriage. He kicked me out; I filed for divorce.
Sometimes marriages on life support need courage and compassion to pull the plug.
thank you for speaking truth!