A man is sitting in a bar drinking a beer and eating peanuts. Suddenly he hears a voice say, “Nice hat.” He looks around but is not sure who said it. Then he hears, “That’s a great shirt!” He still can’t pinpoint where this apparently disembodied voice is coming from. He lets it go. But then he hears a whistle, and someone says, “Wow! You have sexy green eyes!” The man looks puzzled. The bartender notices this. He leans over and says, “Oh, don’t mind the peanuts. They’re complementary.” 🤣🤣🤣
Loyal Heart 💜 Can’t get enough of that. My go to joke (listen as you say it aloud)…What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can’t hear an enzyme. 😂
A joke my late Dad told me, One man said to another, ‘ I’ve a load of monkeys, I you to take them to the zoo ‘ I’ll pay you now Later that day, the first man called and asked, ‘ well, did you bring them to the zoo? ‘ The second man said, ‘ I did and they had such a good time, I’ve taken them for ice cream ‘ 🍦
Thanks for the reading Gemma! absolutely lovely, as always. 🦀♋ Recently, I've learned a joke and it makes me laugh every time !(Even if it is not that good) So, why do seagulls fly over the sea? ... Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
A man walked into a bar and he had a frog growing out of his forehead. The barman said "what the heck happened to you??" Then the frog said "I dunno. It just started off as a wart on my bum"
Hi Gemma. It's Sunday night at 830 pm in 🇨🇦 I just finished helping my youngest daughter into her 3rd floor apartment. She has a tree at eye level which is so Capricorn. She is a Capi. New years baby. She is 32 this year. After a bad break with her fiance we helped her get settled and I said she would be very happy there.❤ The boys said I was a beast at moving😂 I love this daughter very much and so happy to help❤❤❤😊 I will now rest😂 ouch😂
This is my joke I actually wrote this myself what does a ghost writer do haunts the pages of a novel this is such a perfect start to the week reading thank you Gemma ❤
Oooohhh, interesting about the triple moon card cause the cards I got for myself today was The Moon, High Priestess and Queen of Cups (with the pesky Knight of Swords fly in the ointment 😂)
It’s sunny and windy here today too - although no rain/storms looming. My favorite joke: what did the zero (0) say to the eight (8) ?…Nice belt! 😂 😂😂 Loved seeing both Val and Lea snuggled on the bed - cuties! I spent all day yesterday dancing in the kitchen as I prepped for a little dinner party I was throwing. I have a playlist that has a variety of oldies and newer songs. A couple oldies that stand out were from Olivia Newton John’s “Totally Hot” album - one of my faves as a kid! Loved reading all of the jokes in the comments. my favorite was white birch tarot’s joke - had me laughing out loud for a good few minutes - hilarious! Thank you as always Gemma! ❤❤❤
My favorite jokes were in a book my daughter had when she was 10. She’d sit in the back seat of the car reading them to me aloud while I was driving her to school, and I’d LOL all the way. The most memorable: Why do vampires drink blood? Because root beer makes them burp.
Nice to see Val & Laya snuggling & sleeping. Yes I feel the fire. I'm more energetic than most days, getting things done! Sorry, I'm not a good story teller. 😢
I know you said only one joke, but I have two jokes...."Skeleton goes into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop." The end. 2nd joke: "What goes clippity clop, clippity clop, clippity clop bang? An Amish drive-by shooting." I know these are very bad, but I remember them; probably because they're so bad! Also, my beautiful black kitty's name is Muzik. I named her that because in the car driving home from the shelter, she was meowing non stop until I turned on the radio. She immediately calmed and was quiet. I named her Muzik on the spot. Also, when I brought her home, she jumped out of the box in the living room and ran directly into the bedroom where she jumped up on my bed, bared her tummy to me to rub, as if to say I'm home; pet me, human! I then knew she was meant to be with me and we live happily ever after. I also call her Doodle Bug, Miss Muzik and Boogaloo. Thank you for your readings, Gemma!
Would you believe it took me 10 minutes to understand the skeleton joke? Oh my God, what is wrong with me? The Amish one is really funny. They’re both funny. 😁
Two alligators walking down the street, one turns t’other n says “why the long face” 🤭 Loyal Heart - came out in Gemstars read yesterday 🦉🦉❤️the Penguins with heart key is sure to make an appearance soon - dancing tunes 🤔 thank you Gemma 🙏🩷🌸
My husband always used to say that if a horse would be on TV. One time there was a newscaster, a woman, who had a really long face, and my husband said, Why the long face, and then he felt really bad about it because he never wanted to hurt people’s feelings, even though of course she couldn’t hear him because she was on TV. He was so kind hearted, but I laughed. 😊 I like the alligator version!
@@whitebirchtarot so sorry lovely lady I read your comment this morning! An empath husband 🙏❤️ loved your story and your joke 🤭 thank you for sharing 🥰
It's still Sun in US & Father's Day - been remembering Pops' 2nd wedding & the simply fantastic 70s wedding band sorta cross bet Santana & ELO...so been dancing in kitchen to Santana, ELO & of course Bee Gees - just doesn't get any better...
Joke my Dad always used to tell. I saw a man walking down the road the other day. He was carrying a big plank of wood under his arm. I said that’s an unusual thing to be carrying. He said I know but I have to go to a board meeting 😂😣xx
A woman is talking with her best friend on the phone, and she says, oh, no, today’s our wedding anniversary and my husband is going to come home with a dozen roses and I’m gonna have to spend the evening on my back with my legs in the air. Her friend says, why? Don’t you have a vase? 😊
Hi my favorite new song is by a group from Canada called "Walk of the Earth." THe Song is called "My Stupid Heart" really fun to dance to in your kitchen. Funny aside one of my very best friends in Canada (I live on the northern coast of Oregon usa) I called right after I heard the song on the radio OMG she sent me back a pic of her and her daughter at their concert. wow. Also my only joke is "What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into the kitchen? linoleum blown apart." Always makes me chuckle
Very important to be kind to my inner child. She was kicked bullied and thrown to the wolves (an attempt) by lateral violence in a wounded friend who lost the plot and must now go to cosmic recycling. I have NO retaliation in me as I know it’s not useful. Sent love as they went.
One good joke. My ONLY joke An American buys a broken down Irish castle/manor. Calls in local Irish carpenter for a consult. “Before we begin” asks the YANK… “tell me what is the difference between a girder and a joist.” “Ah” says the carp. “That’s easy. Girder wrote FAUST.. &. Joist, he wrote ULYSSES”
I feel that fire under my butt.. theres new things happening job offer and possible love person. I am shit scared of repeating a pattern... i sense it might be not all that glitters. But i cant tell if its fear orrrrr intuition 😅. Hate it when that happens it just makes you go bonkers until you surrender
Oddly as a comedy addict I haven't any jokes (some seriously good ones below I see), however, Gerry Rafferty did start out as the straight musician working will Billy Connolly, one of my comedy heroes absolutely. Contributing to the health effort after walk with Kiwi by dancing to Stepping Out, Joe Jackson. And LOVE Lebanese food especially grilled aubergine steaks yum! Happy Father's Day all and tx for great live yesterday Gemma!
Hi G, I only have one joke but it's far too long to write, plus a little naughty, so not sure if it would be allowed. The cheesecakes, went down very well, apparently 😊😊❤❤
I'm bad at telling jokes, but here's one I heard at work: What's the leading cause of dry skin? Towels. I have my natal Venus and Mercury in Cancer, so it feels like returning home from a long Gemini adventure. Or better yet, sitting around a campfire making s'mores with those I love the most 🏕🍫
Two motorways walk into a bar they order a beer each and go to sit down the barman says oh not there.. Then a small green bit of tarmac comes in and orders a beer and sits right where the two motorways were about to sit... They say to the barman hey whys he allowed to sit there.. The barman says its because hes a cycle path
My jokes were always so unfunny that they became funny again (people laughed at how unfunny they were). I don't like the term inner child either. If you practice the whole thing seriously, you'll end up with a whole kindergarten.. Thanks for Gerry Rafferty etc.. I found the B-52s..👯
I wrote a joke many moons ago, when I was taking 3 semesters of geology: What did the pirate say when people kept falling into sinkholes? "Karst be the land atop ye ol' salt mine, arrrr...." ☠️🦜
My favorite jokes were in a book my daughter had when she was 10. She’d sit in the back seat of the car reading them to me aloud while I was driving her to school, and I’d LOL all the way. The most memorable: Why do vampires drink blood? Because root beer makes them burp.
This is my favourite joke: What do you call a bear with no ears? B
😂❤
Two snowmen are standing in a garden. One says to the other 'Can you smell carrots?' 😄
I heard that joke as a kid, and still love it! 🦀
Like the tractor joke. 😂
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Bartender : sorry mate, we don’t serve food here. 😂
Did you hear about the burglar who kicked down his own door? Yeah, he was working from home! 😂
My one joke is very silly, but I've enjoyed it for years!
"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9".
😁
A man is sitting in a bar drinking a beer and eating peanuts. Suddenly he hears a voice say, “Nice hat.” He looks around but is not sure who said it. Then he hears, “That’s a great shirt!” He still can’t pinpoint where this apparently disembodied voice is coming from. He lets it go. But then he hears a whistle, and someone says, “Wow! You have sexy green eyes!” The man looks puzzled. The bartender notices this. He leans over and says, “Oh, don’t mind the peanuts. They’re complementary.” 🤣🤣🤣
So funny!😂
🤣🤣
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!!🤧… innocent slapstick-fun😂
Happy Father's Day everyone 🍺
I almost had a Psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."🤣
What do you call a nun that lives inside a washing machine?....
Sister Matic.
❤❤❤😂
Two birds sat on a perch and one says to the other, can you smell fish?
Why did the punk cross the road? They were stapled to the 🐔 chicken 😊 That restaurant sounds terrifying! Thank you Gemma 💖 from Australia 🇦🇺 xx
A white horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, hey we have a whisky named after you! and the horse says, what Eric?
Loyal Heart 💜 Can’t get enough of that.
My go to joke (listen as you say it aloud)…What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme. 😂
🤭🥳
@@rebeccajusteson4234 🤭
Pretty nice reading for my birthday today... And an extra bonus seeing gorgeous Val and mom princess ... Thank you 🙂
Happy birthday! 🥳 🎂🎁🎈🎊
A joke my late Dad told me,
One man said to another, ‘ I’ve a load of monkeys, I you to take them to the zoo ‘ I’ll pay you now
Later that day, the first man called and asked,
‘ well, did you bring them to the zoo? ‘
The second man said, ‘ I did and they had such a good time, I’ve taken them for ice cream ‘ 🍦
What's the difference between a wolf and a flea?
One howls on the prairie, while the other prowls on the hairy.
Happy Monday 😊
Thanks for the reading Gemma! absolutely lovely, as always. 🦀♋
Recently, I've learned a joke and it makes me laugh every time !(Even if it is not that good) So, why do seagulls fly over the sea?
... Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
Horse walks into a bar. "Ow!" he exclaimed. 😅
🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's funny
A man walked into a bar and he had a frog growing out of his forehead. The barman said "what the heck happened to you??" Then the frog said "I dunno. It just started off as a wart on my bum"
🤣🤣
Hilarious. 🙏🏾 for the laugh!
Hi Gemma. It's Sunday night at 830 pm in 🇨🇦
I just finished helping my youngest daughter into her 3rd floor apartment. She has a tree at eye level which is so Capricorn. She is a Capi. New years baby. She is 32 this year. After a bad break with her fiance we helped her get settled and I said she would be very happy there.❤ The boys said I was a beast at moving😂
I love this daughter very much and so happy to help❤❤❤😊
I will now rest😂 ouch😂
This is my joke I actually wrote this myself what does a ghost writer do haunts the pages of a novel this is such a perfect start to the week reading thank you Gemma ❤
Favorite joke of all time: Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf!
Oooohhh, interesting about the triple moon card cause the cards I got for myself today was The Moon, High Priestess and Queen of Cups (with the pesky Knight of Swords fly in the ointment 😂)
I went to the zoo the other day but they only had one dog....it was a shitzu 💣
🤣🤣
The Moon slides into Scorpio at around 5am UK time.
It’s sunny and windy here today too - although no rain/storms looming. My favorite joke: what did the zero (0) say to the eight (8) ?…Nice belt! 😂 😂😂 Loved seeing both Val and Lea snuggled on the bed - cuties! I spent all day yesterday dancing in the kitchen as I prepped for a little dinner party I was throwing. I have a playlist that has a variety of oldies and newer songs. A couple oldies that stand out were from Olivia Newton John’s “Totally Hot” album - one of my faves as a kid! Loved reading all of the jokes in the comments. my favorite was white birch tarot’s joke - had me laughing out loud for a good few minutes - hilarious! Thank you as always Gemma! ❤❤❤
Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street and Right Down the Line are two of my all-time faves from my teen years.
My favorite jokes were in a book my daughter had when she was 10. She’d sit in the back seat of the car reading them to me aloud while I was driving her to school, and I’d LOL all the way. The most memorable: Why do vampires drink blood? Because root beer makes them burp.
Nice to see Val & Laya snuggling & sleeping. Yes I feel the fire. I'm more energetic than most days, getting things done! Sorry, I'm not a good story teller. 😢
Thank you, Gemma!! 😊
Wonderful week ahead!
I know you said only one joke, but I have two jokes...."Skeleton goes into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop." The end. 2nd joke: "What goes clippity clop, clippity clop, clippity clop bang? An Amish drive-by shooting." I know these are very bad, but I remember them; probably because they're so bad! Also, my beautiful black kitty's name is Muzik. I named her that because in the car driving home from the shelter, she was meowing non stop until I turned on the radio. She immediately calmed and was quiet. I named her Muzik on the spot. Also, when I brought her home, she jumped out of the box in the living room and ran directly into the bedroom where she jumped up on my bed, bared her tummy to me to rub, as if to say I'm home; pet me, human! I then knew she was meant to be with me and we live happily ever after. I also call her Doodle Bug, Miss Muzik and Boogaloo. Thank you for your readings, Gemma!
🤣🤣
Would you believe it took me 10 minutes to understand the skeleton joke? Oh my God, what is wrong with me? The Amish one is really funny. They’re both funny. 😁
Here’s my one joke:
What did the Mama Corn say to the Baby Corn?
“Be sure to wash behind your ears.”
❤😊🌺🌼🌸🌟
Two alligators walking down the street, one turns t’other n says “why the long face” 🤭 Loyal Heart - came out in Gemstars read yesterday 🦉🦉❤️the Penguins with heart key is sure to make an appearance soon - dancing tunes 🤔 thank you Gemma 🙏🩷🌸
My husband always used to say that if a horse would be on TV. One time there was a newscaster, a woman, who had a really long face, and my husband said, Why the long face, and then he felt really bad about it because he never wanted to hurt people’s feelings, even though of course she couldn’t hear him because she was on TV. He was so kind hearted, but I laughed. 😊 I like the alligator version!
@@whitebirchtarot so sorry lovely lady I read your comment this morning! An empath husband 🙏❤️ loved your story and your joke 🤭 thank you for sharing 🥰
A man goes to the doctor's and says 'Doctor I can't say my f's and th"s .. and the doctor says 'Well, you can't say fairer than that'!" 😂
It's still Sun in US & Father's Day - been remembering Pops' 2nd wedding & the simply fantastic 70s wedding band sorta cross bet Santana & ELO...so been dancing in kitchen to Santana, ELO & of course Bee Gees - just doesn't get any better...
I bet the driver of the HP night bus had to spend more than £1.79 on his goggles!😂
Here for the good stuff
Thank you for yesterdays live!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
He was too(2) tired?
Dancing to the tick tick of the timer. A bit of a rave. Kitchen rave.
Why don't kleptomaniacs like puns?
They take everything literally
Joke my Dad always used to tell. I saw a man walking down the road the other day. He was carrying a big plank of wood under his arm. I said that’s an unusual thing to be carrying. He said I know but I have to go to a board meeting 😂😣xx
A woman is talking with her best friend on the phone, and she says, oh, no, today’s our wedding anniversary and my husband is going to come home with a dozen roses and I’m gonna have to spend the evening on my back with my legs in the air. Her friend says, why? Don’t you have a vase? 😊
omg - that’s hilarious!
Thank you.
Why did the orange🍊 stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice 😂😉
Hi my favorite new song is by a group from Canada called "Walk of the Earth." THe Song is called "My Stupid Heart" really fun to dance to in your kitchen. Funny aside one of my very best friends in Canada (I live on the northern coast of Oregon usa)
I called right after I heard the song on the radio OMG she sent me back a pic of her and her daughter at their concert. wow.
Also my only joke is "What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into the kitchen? linoleum blown apart." Always makes me chuckle
Very important to be kind to my inner child. She was kicked bullied and thrown to the wolves (an attempt) by lateral violence in a wounded friend who lost the plot and must now go to cosmic recycling. I have NO retaliation in me as I know it’s not useful. Sent love as they went.
(to be said aloud)
Why did the snail paint an S on its car?
So that when it drove by people would say “look at that S-car go!”
One good joke. My ONLY joke An American buys a broken down Irish castle/manor. Calls in local Irish carpenter for a consult. “Before we begin” asks the YANK… “tell me what is the difference between a girder and a joist.” “Ah” says the carp. “That’s easy. Girder wrote FAUST.. &. Joist, he wrote ULYSSES”
Good one!
lol 😂
That reminds me how I’ve recently been celebrating turning tirty-tree and a tird. I’ve been looking forward to this age for quite some time 😁
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
To WHOM.
I feel that fire under my butt.. theres new things happening job offer and possible love person. I am shit scared of repeating a pattern... i sense it might be not all that glitters. But i cant tell if its fear orrrrr intuition 😅. Hate it when that happens it just makes you go bonkers until you surrender
That night bus you described sounds just like the one in Harry Potter. So Jo Rowling was drawing from real life there.
I’m terrible at remembering jokes. The one I can always remember is this:
What did one melon say to the other melon?
Sorry Honeydew,
can’t-a-lope 😊
Oddly as a comedy addict I haven't any jokes (some seriously good ones below I see), however, Gerry Rafferty did start out as the straight musician working will Billy Connolly, one of my comedy heroes absolutely. Contributing to the health effort after walk with Kiwi by dancing to Stepping Out, Joe Jackson. And LOVE Lebanese food especially grilled aubergine steaks yum! Happy Father's Day all and tx for great live yesterday Gemma!
If you like comedy you will like Kathleen Madigan !!!! She is hilarious 😂❤
@@lynnnewlin4395 Totally, one of my favorites!😊
Hi G, I only have one joke but it's far too long to write, plus a little naughty, so not sure if it would be allowed.
The cheesecakes, went down very well, apparently 😊😊❤❤
I love Lebanese food ❤
1:39 it’s a don henley boys of summer day for me
Now you’re talking, I remember blasting that from my tiny Toyota starlet with my friend while driving to the beach. 🏖️
What goes 99 clump,99 clump ? A caterpillar with a wooden leg....
🤣
It’s raining here in Minneapolis Minnesota also
What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
A weasel is weasily recognised and a stoat is stoatally different!
🤦🏻♂️
I'm bad at telling jokes, but here's one I heard at work: What's the leading cause of dry skin?
Towels.
I have my natal Venus and Mercury in Cancer, so it feels like returning home from a long Gemini adventure. Or better yet, sitting around a campfire making s'mores with those I love the most 🏕🍫
I only have one joke, but it's an obscure history pun in Auslan so no one gets it. I still think I'm hilarious though.
Two motorways walk into a bar they order a beer each and go to sit down the barman says oh not there.. Then a small green bit of tarmac comes in and orders a beer and sits right where the two motorways were about to sit... They say to the barman hey whys he allowed to sit there.. The barman says its because hes a cycle path
My jokes were always so unfunny that they became funny again (people laughed at how unfunny they were).
I don't like the term inner child either. If you practice the whole thing seriously, you'll end up with a whole kindergarten..
Thanks for Gerry Rafferty etc.. I found the B-52s..👯
❤️❤️❤️
My only 1 joke 🤦♀️
Knock knock …
whose there?
Europe
Europe who?
No you’re a Pooh
I love this one! 😁
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know y ❤
I wrote a joke many moons ago, when I was taking 3 semesters of geology:
What did the pirate say when people kept falling into sinkholes?
"Karst be the land atop ye ol' salt mine, arrrr...." ☠️🦜
My favorite jokes were in a book my daughter had when she was 10. She’d sit in the back seat of the car reading them to me aloud while I was driving her to school, and I’d LOL all the way. The most memorable: Why do vampires drink blood? Because root beer makes them burp.
💜