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😢 film making is becoming next level

my self respect

Love this video thank you! and i love your accent (:

Black female avoidants checking in with our fearless leader ❤❤❤❤❤

I really love this video!❤

Good video

<3!!

I have a friend who left my friendship with her a month ago. She was avoidant but I still wanna stay in her life and be her friend because I am aware she is suffering too. She's not very self aware and I know it's suffering being her friend but I love her a lot. So I'll go through the pain no matter how many times she pushes me away. I think I'll always accept her back. But I don't think I can befriend any other avoidant. One is enough

Hoe gaat het Sis, I enjoyed your video so much. I lived in the Netherlands for 5yrs and listening to you speak made me feel like I was back in Rotterdam. Sis your skin!! Your braider is right: natural and beautiful. Subbing straight away 💛

I don't think you were too harsh. Personally, I needed to hear this. If it feels harsh to someone, i think it's because it could be hard for them to hear the truth. they may not want to accept it, but that's the one of the most important steps to moving forward. thank you so much for this, it felt like you sat me down and talked me through it personally. I'll probably end up coming back to rewatch this video to remind myself what to do I feel lost.

You're so sweet. Every harsh, direct thing you said, is exactly what I'm struggling with

love this <3

wow, just wow

Being self aware enough to work on yourself is better than 99 percent of people. Please keep going and please show other people especially avoidant ones.

Everyone does NOT hate them. There's NOTHING wrong with. Just like anxiously attached. Blaming them for behaviors deeply engrained into them through trauma. How dare you demonize them. 🫶💪🫂

It's important to note that there's 2 types of avoidant: dismissive (from indifference) and fearful (from abuse). Mine was the fearful attachment style, and it's not that complicated. It's the fear of an inevitable betrayal. And similar to other fears, it is subconscious. Anxious attachment people try to cling to their partner in the hopes that some action they can do will convince their partner to not abandon them. But avoidants feel that abandonment is inevitable, so there's no point in even trying. One time, there was a girl that I had the biggest crush on- certain that I was in love with her. And then she dropped the biggest hint on ME!!!! You would think this would be an amazing situation for me, but the strangest thing happened. The moment she dropped that hint, I felt this enormous, lightning surge of pure FEAR course through my entire brain (and maybe even body). In that moment, I said "awkward moment" and shutdown. From then on, how I felt about her completely changed. I started avoiding her and fearing her. And actually, she would start chasing after me. But the more she chased me, the angrier I got- and I'd respond angry. Consciously, I didn't really see what I was doing. In my mind, she deserved it. I felt like she was trying to manipulate me into making a move on her. And I HATE manipulation more than anything. I expected her to initiate the relationship, whether that be asking me out, a confession, a kiss, whatever. SHE had to be the one to do it first because I felt her "hints" were a means to manipulate me. Forcing me to make the first move just so she can pridefully retain the option to reject me at any time. Claiming there was never any attraction. FUCK that. I felt this about a lot of girls- that they were too cowardly to admit that they like me. And that I couldn't respect it. But looking back on it, that was all a harsh, judgmental, and unreasonable rationality. Truthfully, she hadn't done anything wrong. And she was trying her best to reach me. I only later learned that girls struggle with a naturally higher level of anxiety than boys, and thus, it was harder for her to confess to me. Plus, it seems like she had the anxious attachment style (divorced parents). I DO still feel like it turns me on to see a woman take initiative on me, but I've realized that this is something that needs to be communicated- otherwise, they just won't get it. Ultimately, my point is that the fearful avoidant attachment style is inclined to see behaviors that aren't ideal to them as signs of inevitable betrayal. But it's well possible for people to adapt to what their partner wants, it just takes a bit of communication. And it can be hard for avoidants to do communication as well, because they feel that leads to inevitable betrayal as well. Not necessarily true, people can surprise you.

Cheers from Maastricht ❤ This was such a balanced view of your own healing yet embracing the fears and pain of those who have wanted to love you. And you gave us free advice. Thank you for your honesty 🙏

Hi Bettien! I'm David. I'm a fearful avoidant testing securely attached now. I've done a LOT of work on myself. My partner of 5 years is female and avoidant. I just subscribed because this video was so beautifully human and understandable. You had me in tears. You're amazing for opening up like that. Thank you so much. I look forward to more of your videos.

This is everything! I am so grateful for you sharing your story and spreading the hope, I love this! Please may I ask a question, what can I do to help my partner with their journey challenging their attachment style? Good luck on your journey babe

hookup culture is only beneficial for people who are looking for short term pleasure...society normalized it somehow...it's toxic af. I just wrote about this on medium yesterday, "The Hidden Cost of Hookup Culture: A Raw Truth About Modern Dating"

I loved him so much. And no matter how patient, understanding and loving I was, he pushed me away so hard that I ended up rejecting him. I still love him, I can’t help it. But at some point I had to choose myself. Yet, he told me from the beginning of his pulling away cycles: “it’s not you, it’s me”.

Beautiful articulation. Thanks for sharing.

Were you faithful?

I'm disorganised so I know the both side. It's just horrible. But I gotta admit I'm THANKFUL to God for giving me at least part of avoidant, because it saved me when I couldn't leave my abusive ex partner. Then the switch finally went to the other side and I could withdraw

Your brave af to be able to face yourself.. Recognizing patterns and taking accountability are the hardest parts. Good luck on your journey❤

This video helps.. You're right we will suffer if the avoidant isn't truly working on themselves.. He kept saying that he's not perfect, that's the obvious, I loved all of him and his imperfections. But no matter how much I tried to show I cared and understood, he kept getting triggered until I was verbally abused over nothing and then I got blocked, and now I'm free from the suffering.

I’m so glad you made this video ❤

I can understannd every single world you've said, and I really hope that your journey becomes better and easier. Much respect for your response towards yourself and your loved ones.. Deciding to get help and sticking to it, that's a decision needs a lot of courage and self respect I've been with a dismissive avoidant the last 5 years of my life.. I tried my best to get her to be aware.. I tried my best to be understanding.. But as you put it sometimes they dont give a shit 💔

Like does God not understand that i am tired of going through things that make me stronger lol thank you for being vulnerable and for sharing some much needed words of wisdom

Very insightful ❤

I’m not an avoidant but I was dating someone who is and learning this information is very eye opening. It helps me understand that it’s not actually personal (even though he told me this many many times) but I don’t think he is open to changing at the moment so I have no choice but to walk away. I hope he’s able to change so he can live a fulfilling life because he is actually a good person at least what I’ve experienced.

Love love love. I'm currently in my Winter Arc era, and ya girl is feeling on fire!

I have been doing work with studying Object Relations theory including Object Relations and Object use. Adding in my own experience as AVPD I would say that I may not always like intimate connection ( I'm talking about friendships) bc the tenets of what makes friendship was not what I experienced from my parents in my home. Instead the supposed connection with them led to no where. So this help explain part of my aversion to connect - secure connection wasn't there - the secure bond / attachment didn't develop - more Attachment theory than object relations therapy

You make some really good points! And even tho it hurts me a lot, I must agree with you: if an avoidant is not trying to overcome his issues nor trying to understand why all the emotional shutdowns happen… then their lover must walk away. Two of my ex’s left me for being avoidant, and I had no idea until very recently. Hopefully I will be a different person for my next girlfriend. Keep sharing these deep insights please!

Uhuh “if they don’t know the battle within, they’re going to battle you out” okkkkkkk that was real cutter this line. I’ve hurt many people in past because I couldn’t let people in, but I’ve been working hard this year to understand the fire and confusion that lies within me. Thank you so much for making this video, it gives me so much inspiration to see another black girl uncover the truth of what avoidant attachment really feels like. God bless you ❤️

this is beautiful, thank you for sharing <3

Its easy to demonize those us who have an avoidant attachment style, BUT REFUSE to understand why we are that way, and the judging from others is one reason why. I tell people if they arent trying to understand me and really know me, leave me alone.

I love everything about this video. Thank you for sharing your experience. continue to grow and let go of things no longer serves you. I hope all is well

You're amazing!!

I'm a low-key icon. From one to another. I want to tell you to keep going with these deep in-depth thoughts. This helped me.

Thank you for your honest video! 🙏❤ These beautiful videos help a lot to understand avoidants. Please continue. ❤ You are beautiful! All the best for you! ❤🌟💫

im 47 and love hook up culture as a black man, thats why they invented condoms.

2:47 all of the women would say no. not “most of them”. all of them.

Could you plug the sunglasses pls✌🏾

Thank you for this informative information. I just subscribed.

The cinematic experience 😊 Yasss

❤

Very educative this information is much needed as I’ve started my Winter Arc Challenge

Society is not telling me anything I'm just tryna get my noodle wet

11:09 🎯!!!!