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I think the workbook will be great! And yes, thinking about anger across genders is important.

Thank you Sharon! And yes, “tender spots” is such a sympathetic and poetic way to think about schemas. And yes, much overlap as you say. I am becoming more and more interested in schemas therapy and cft integration!

Thanks for taking the time to watch and consider the video, and for your comprehensive comments! I agree there’s nothing wrong with physical items, as you say. And it can be very powerful to attune the mind in a way that helps us to achieve the life we want. Thanks again!

Thanks for watching! And given the work you do, check out the video from the week before Dr Germer, an interview with Darcy Harris who does a lot in the field of compassion based approaches to working with grief. Compassion-based approaches to working with grief, with Darcy Harris th-cam.com/video/oH2OwHLZ2Us/w-d-xo.html

Thank you. And I agree completely!

Thank you so much for tremendous endurance in the lives of the needy.

Great question! I fell like that’s right with respect to shame and embarrassment, but guilt is thought o be quite different. Check the video I did on the difference between shame and guilt: Shame or Guilt: Different Emotional States with Different Motivations th-cam.com/video/ClAT6R5cdos/w-d-xo.html

Yes, you make a great point. Our experiences growing up can be very powerful in terms of self-worth and self-compassion. Religion, culture, family environment, and so many other contextual factors during childhood can shape our sense of self and our sense of self-worth, and we can feel very stuck. With time and practice we can sometimes shift these feelings, but it’s hard. As Kristin said, if we can begin with moments of self-compassion, becoming aware of our own suffering, knowing we are not alone, and then offering ourselves kindness, then we can begin to ease our own suffering and move towards growth and flourishing.

Thanks so much for watching! You might be very interested in Dr Doty’s first book, Into the Magic Shop, where he does just what you have suggested. In fact, that first book of his is a memoir that dives very courageously into the realities of his life and how he discovered his teachings. Also, just in case you are interested, my TEDx talk also explores my own personal journey into compassion and self-compassion, and I’d be delighted if you felt interested in watching that. It’s only about 16 min. th-cam.com/video/fBlZzElO42Y/w-d-xo.htmlsi=iKqd-3dDCkyphbtW Thanks again! Stan.

@@drstansteindl Thank you for your helpful response and I shall listen to your Ted Talk tonight! 🙏🌺🌱

@@drstansteindl I just listened to your Ted Talk and it was real and authentic for sure. Very helpful. I also listened further than 13 minutes to your interview with Dr. Doty. Yours was definitely personal and that people can connect to. Dr. Doty, after a while started talking about his journey which was more down-to-earth and more interesting to listen to. (In fact, I saw him at the edge of emotions and then he seemed to push them aside because of who he is - a friend of the Dalai Llama etc... and being a neuro surgeon). But to make a difference, depending on who the audience one is intending, it is so much better in my opinion to make it real and authentic rather than lecturing or advising. Maybe he is still 'work in progress' re his journey. To unfold and emerge is not easy and is scary. I would have asked him whether the manifestation he managed to do, if he would have been better off without it, for e.g.. Maybe he can advise about that - to both combine the inner work with the outer manifestation but also relate it to his journey. My thoughts! and I do not mean to intrude. As an interviewer. it would be a good idea to challenge them with compassion when they pontificate so they may come back to earth and talk to us humans in a real way that would help us relate and understand. Thank you for connecting and listening - compassion is a challenging one... and self compassion is so very important ... to have true compassion (and not condescending compassion) for others, it will be very natural when one works on their own suffering. So you are heading towards the right direction and I wish you all the very best! Thanks again for the opportunity.

Thanks! Glad you liked it :).

Thank you for watching and I am so glad you enjoyed it!

This is a brilliant question and a tricky one to answer. For me there might be two parts to it. The first is the importance of wisdom in compassion. Taking wise action is key. What is it that would be helpful in this situation, rather than harmful? There are a number of "near enemies" of compassion, such as pity, taking over, knowing what's best etc. The second part is the importance of balance across the three flows of compassion: compassion for others, receiving compassion from others, and self-compassion. Jack Kornfield once said, "compassion without self-compassion is incomplete," and I think there is also a lot of wisdom in that. So it is really important that we make sure our own needs are met in order to sustain meeting the needs and offering compassion to others. We could spend hours diving into your important question, so that's just a couple of thoughts. Thanks for watching and commenting!

@drstansteindl That was some very wise words indeed. And very helpful. If i gave myself, even half the compassion I give to others, then maybe I wouldn't get taken advantage of by the usual, emotional vampires. Your perspective, was an approach, I didnt even think of. Thank you so much! My kindness, is no longer a weakness👍

Thanks so much for your kind words!

Sounds awesome!

I’m glad it helped!

Thanks for your thoughts :).

Thank you! Yes, Dr Doty is incredible :).

Thank you so much for going onto the next video and giving it a watch! I can see you were open to it, but then the metaphor and what it was trying to explain didn't land well. You are very concerned that compassion will have a negative impact, and the risk of such a negative impact is too great. And, although you didn't say this specifically, you may feel that self-compassion is also too risky in terms of negative consequences. I appreciate what you have said and respect that perspective. Compassion is not safe. And it is true that it takes a lot of wisdom, strength, courage and commitment to be compassionate towards others, and towards ourselves. I'm curious, what about the other side of the argument? What are some of the possible benefits to compassion, if any? In what situations might compassion be a good thing? And what about self-compassion? What might be some example scenarios where you would encourage someone to be kind, supportive, encouraging, compassionate towards themselves?

@@drstansteindl I mean self compassion. I am bad, therefore being compassionate to myself is wrong. Any alleged benefits of that compassion are irrelevant. I would of course tell my friends to be kind to themselves but they’re not vile, worthless losers. I don’t want to be kind to myself. I don’t deserve it. Others will react badly. Let’s say I owe you $10,000 but you catch me treating myself to something expensive instead of paying you back. You’d be justified in being angry with me, much as I’m sure you wouldn’t admit to it. “No, no just keep taking me for a ride” as you seethe quietly to yourself. People ARE kind, and I am a burden on them. A leech. And at any moment they are liable to suddenly snap and turn on me in a way that I entirely deserve. I have a great deal to make up for… being kind to myself would be a terrible thing to do to all those people.

Totally! I agree :).

Hi, and thanks for watching and offering your thoughts. Sounds like you’ve been going through some tough times, despite some real strengths and positive qualities. I hope things turn around and head in the direction you may wish for. Thank you for pointing that out. Sending you compassionate wishes.

Hey! I agree with you. I am highly intelligent and compassionate parson like you, and no reciprocation is part of my story as well. I have experienced it last week, this week and many times before. Yet I agree also with Dr Doty. Helping and giving to others can make us feel happy and satisfied Several days ago I helped a homeless woman, who turned rude to me despite my several help attempts to her. I felt hurt although I knew that the homeless lady was not mentally right. Yet my hurt didn't stop me from using another help opportunity to her, Then the same day I had the opportunity to help a mentally normal stranger, who was deeply grateful. That made my day. Yes, no reciprocation many times, but we still can attach a good vibe to the experience as we did the right thing and relieved a person's suffering to a certain degree. We can still feel good about ourselves when we look back at it after years. Not having helped would not have made us happy.

@@drstansteindl Wow, thank you 🙏🏻 ❤️!!!

Stop helping people and help yourself because nobody else will.Help animals instead they are grateful and no evil in them!Good luck!

In another interview he said "I lost everything but I want to make it clear I wasn't homeless or anything I was a neurosurgeon still making more then 99 percent of people" well that's be nice because I had an absolute shitty absuisive horrible childhood, then had kids and actually was homeless living in a fln tent in the summer with 3 kids while my hsband was enlisted on the military!!! Whew glad neurosurgeons are taken care of, fuck the military though they can all live on cardboard boxes 😂

Thank you for watching and offering your thoughts.

What the hell is this fellow is saying that is new. No offense but he is really boring.

@@karenhansen4770 Oh! Well, no offence taken, I guess. I find him quite interesting, and his books are great. But each to their own :).

First, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings with me on the topic of self-compassion. I'd hate to come across telling you "to just do it anyway" so I do totally respect if this is not for you. Second, in terms of how to be compassionate to ourselves, there are many videos on my channel that discuss that, including the one just after this one you watched ( th-cam.com/video/xrnaDPICJZw/w-d-xo.html ). Bear in mind that this was from 2019, and there are lots of other ones since. But that might not be of interest, which is obviously fine. And third, I'm sorry that you had to experience so much anger. Anger is a real source of suffering, and is often a target for self-compassion. Remember, self-compassion is simply being sensitive to our own suffering and doing something that might help alleviate that suffering. It's not really putting yourself first or things of that nature. Compassion is just trying to help ourselves (and others) suffer less. But I hope all of this is ok for you. I really do appreciate that you took the time to watch and consider the ideas, and if they are not for you that is absolutely fine. Thanks so much.

Thank you! Glad you found it useful :).

Thanks for watching. I appreciate your point of view.

Thank you! Yes, Dr Doty offers lots of great insights in the pages of those two books :).

Precisely!

@@drstansteindl That popped out to me when you said that so I wrote it down in my own words, just for some context. I was referred over to your channel thanks for sharing this it's very helpful.

Love that! We want to bring compassion to our most difficult emotions :).

You make a really great point. Both external shame and internal shame are coming from inside. External shame is our perception that others see as as no good, and internal shame is that we see ourselves as no good...but both arise from our own perceptions. You can absolutely be shamed by someone else, but this may or may not stick, as you say. It is tougher when we are shamed as children, because the shame experience gets formed within us as shame memories, that can be quite traumatic and also become central to how we see ourselves, or our self-identity. Being shamed by others is also tough as adults, although it can depend a bit on the self-identity that we have already established. Thanks so much for watching and offering your thoughts!

Thank you so much for your positive feedback. And well done on the assignment! Bringing compassion into therapy more explicitly has been very powerful.

Both options are great! The benefit of saying it out loud is really trying to work on voice tone…creating that warm friendly voice tone. You can do that mentally too, but voice tone is the key!

Thank you! It was a real treat to get to chat to Dr Doty and soak up his wisdom!!

Thanks for your thoughts.

Oh! That sounds wonderful. It really can be very powerful. Thank you for sharing. 🙏

Appreciate you watching and considering!

Thanks David. Totally! Calmness and composure!! And thanks for watching 👍.

Paul really has made a massive contribution!

Yes, I think you are right. Terri might say that this is where genuineness comes in. Miller and Rollnick have also included genuineness in their most recent edition of the Motivational Interviewing book, so it seems very important to be genuine and not just try and play a role.

Thank you so much, and also for the work you are doing. Great stuff!

Thank you, Wendy!

Thanks you, Joost! Terri did a great job explaining the eight skills (as always) so I hope it helps!