วีดีโอ

😊 thank you

Yes I will make one shortly!

You're so welcome! Yes I was actually thinking of making some more DBT specific content! I do have Progressive Muscle Relaxation meditation practice up as well on my channel and also a video on the TIPP skills!

It is hard to be in that relationship - and for them it is also difficult as they are stuck!

I would explore what gets your heart rate up quickly? I would sub that for the burpee exercise I was talking about - I am assuming there are forms of exercises you can accomplish in the wheelchair?

Sounds like you both set up some parameters. I would ask a few questions - what was the main purpose of the 6 month no contact agreement? What are you hoping to achieve if you choose to break the no contact rule? What are you hoping to conclude by the end of the 6 month no contact?

Firstly, that can be really difficult and painful - especially if it is someone we love - a few things you can do are: be curious as to their reasons as to why they wont - approach with compassion and openness, depending on the impact their mental health is having on you you can have a conversation about that impact and your concern.

I am sorry to hear about your experiences - there are numerous factors that can go into difficulty with relaxation and calming the nervous system - I recommend starting slow and consistently with practices that move towards Ventral - PMR is great - maybe do shorter versions of it more regularly - another good practice is 4-6-8 breathing, inhale for 4, hold for 6, exhale for 8 (or you can modify and inhale for 4, pause for 1 second, then exhale between 6-8 seconds or longer if that feels good).

So sorry to hear that he is stuck - it is hard when someone we care about and love are stuck.

Without knowing the whole story - I would say be curios about her narrative, her past, her behaviors, with a foundation of compassion - there is a reason why she is responding this way - most likely out of survival and avoiding pain and rejection.

Thanks for the tip!

These sounds like one of your protective parts coming out - the goal of that part is to protect you from being hurt again - this is very common for those of us that have an avoidant attachment style - we develop protective parts that believe that people will ultimately hurt and harm us.

When you begin to hold a person and approach with curiosity as to why someone may have an avoidant attachment style one can then begin to see that their avoidance is a defense mechanisms - albeit not very effective and healthy - ti is a way of survival. Sounds like a part of you was activated - possibly an angry/upset/frustrated part that is serving as a protection for you to not get hurt.

@@TravisGoodman oh i was hurt buddy. That piece of shit sold me lie and probably lied a whole lot more than i know. These people are sick

I am sorry to hear that you are in such a relationship - I wish you strength and courage to find a path of freedom!

@@TravisGoodman I finally broke up with her, and now I feel silence

It for sure can arise from failed marriages, relationships and betrayal!

I concur and totally agree with what you are saying - at the same time having more men speaking to men and normalizing mental health for men is definitely a need.

I am so sorry for your loss - all of what you are feeling is okay and normal - take it a day at a time - blessings to you for strength, courage, peace as you navigate this difficult season.

Absolutely! There is a reason and often it’s survival and protection from further pain!

While our parents are our primary foundation there are other factors that play a part in our attachment development - other relationships, school environments, work environments, etc.

Thanks for your response. Try Identity theft harassment abuse in a healthcare work setting to keep due to untrue stories being said about me to ruin my jobs relationships and livelihood.

Mom and I tried to ask a therapists for help for this reason so did I. They wanted something straight forward and actual mental health not dealing with something you cant control.

My parents blame them selves for this and I have told them it isn't them. My mom would never put up with things I do.

For the longest time most fellas I met would just deck at the idea of me finally saying We all had our identities stolen and I did not have credit saying ot was an excuse for me ruining it. Or we don't have much now to the point of no water electric mostly have to be in the car to survive. I ve had to explain its not our fault and then my moms strokes took what money my parents had to pay out of pocket for medical care. Potential suitors don't want that and wont even consider me at all. It doesn't matter how hard I work or pretty or smart. Needless to say my morale isn't what it used to be either. I was raised never to pass judgment on an person and certainly have had that done to me. So the people I have let into my life has been broken in some way or poor. I don't have a rescue complex That I was asked. I don't go save anybody who doesn't want to.

Avoidant attachment style in no way means, or was I saying, you are mentally ill. This is about our social environment and if we felt safe, seen, secure by our primary caregivers.

I'm a dismissive avoidant but not shy at all. I just don't like being close to people.

Approach with curiosity - pointing behaviors our gently with a open compassionate curious inquiry.

Glad it was helpful!

Recognizing is often the first step - I bless you as you seek out support finding the right team to work with to navigate through the depression!

@@TravisGoodman thank you 🙏🏼

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby sister so long ago - having moments is part of the process - grieving is a journey that has ups and downs.

Always consult with a medical Dr first if you have a pace maker. From my understanding slow diaphragmatic breathing can be helpful for the heart and rest - I would avoid holding the breath for an extended time (for example in box breathing you hold for 4 seconds). Instead I would recommend something more like: Inhale for 3-4 seconds and then Exhale for 6-8 seconds - this is a modified pranayama breathing pattern but I dropped the “hold” and just focused on the inhale and exhale - this will help with a calming of the nervous system and aid the heart as well.

So sorry to hear all of this - have you been seeking professional help?

You are so welcome

It really does help to take a Polyvagal lens approach - once you understand that is really is the foundation of everything you begin to see why and how you can get stuck - most importantly you can then begin to learn how to shift states! More to come on the channel regarding Polyvagal Theory!

@@TravisGoodman I look forward to learning more, thank you! Can that affect how you feel about people as well?

@@AndreaLikesMusic Of course and yes more long-form videos to come on my channel on this topic - I have other "shorts" on this at the moment. Yes it affects everything - even how you feel about others.

Sounds like that was a helpful realization - check out my longer video called "Avoidant Attachment Style EXPERT Reveals the Truth" to learn more!

Great! Check out the longer video where I dive deep into this attachment style!

Love to hear more! From what I’ve seen and experienced is that Dorsal feels “calmer” and “masks” grounded Ventral but in a disconnected way.

It’s like a dissasotian because it shuts down your body, often it can be caused by too much of that “yellow” sympathetic vagal input.

ChatGPT can help for sure with some standard analysis and some pretty decent recommendations - where it lacks is its human connection and ability to adapt in the moment in real time with what is going on.

Sorry to hear that - that you got hit with that and that was the difficult reality to come to grips with. I wish you the best as you navigate the the upcoming change.

@@TravisGoodman my question is, if I leave her the space and give her time will she start to open up enough so she see s that possibilitie or will she only focus on the problems and it will never work out?

@@saintnico6268 Honestly hard to say what she will do. I would shift the focus to what are you willing to do or not do regardless if she changes or not. From there you can begin to follow the path that best aligns with your values - If you give her the space and nothing changes then you have to decide again what are you willing to do or not do that aligns with your values. If she does shift and change then again you make a decision. If you remain stuck and completely dependent on what she does or does not do then you get lost in all of this.

@@TravisGoodman thanks for the advice. I already started to focus more on myself again, so I become better myself. I ll see how she s acting but I will try to reduce my emotional investment.

So sorry to hear this and that this has been your experience. I wish you the best as you navigate this difficult relationship and explore what is keeping you stuck - definitely check out my longer video on this that might explain more.

Thanks for sharing! You should check out the longer video where I dive deeper into this attachment style!

I am so sorry for the loss of your grandma - that is so hard and difficult - I am glad to hear the video gave you some cheer and uplifted you a bit - I bless you as you navigate this season of loss - I wish you strength, courage, peace during this time.

Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts - it is good to be aware of our own selves and what we are picking up view neuroception!

Agreed! Need to have more of this conversation out there!

Go here and then sign up for free and then do the Effective EQ Guide one to know more: sendfox.com/lp/19n5gx

OF course! It all starts with awareness and education - that is the first step! From there is professional therapy and or coaching that could help!

Hey Saida! Glad you liked it!

Thanks!

Thanks for sharing your perspective!

Oh good so glad you found it calming! Check out my other longer videos on guided breath work

@@TravisGoodman I will 🤗🙏