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Also, sorry that this is so offensive … also.

JUST WRITING YOU TO TELL YOU I GOT LOCKED OUT OF MY ACCOUNT AND MAY NOT BE ABLE TO RETURN TO SEAMAN FLIFFMASTER/MEEPMARMOSET. I MIGHT MAKE SOME VIDEOS ABOUT GENDER AS WELL.

I used to watch your videos loads back in the day when you were meepmarmoset, and I suddenly had an urge to see if those were still on the internet. I couldn't find the one I was looking for (which I completely understand, the stress of having something you made years ago when you thought differently still being on the internet) and I remember when you posted this video. At the time I completely didn't understand what you were saying, but here I am all these years later a proud nonbinary person, and everything you said in this makes so much sense now. It's strange how peoples' perspectives change, isn't it? I always loved your videos, I loved how it was just you talking honestly to a camera and how you were smart and funny (and as confused as I was, at times) and it was a pleasure to see some of them still up on the internet. Hope you're doing well.

WTF?!

Just out of curiosity, do you have Pure O OCD? It's where you can't stop thinking about things, have flashes of different images or thoughts, can't focus, mind racing, trying to constantly figure out things, ect.

Stop hating yourself.

You need love and support. It's very apparent. Stop bludgeoning yourself and analyzing yourself, it won't help the spiral. You. are. fine.

Tobyr3 is right. You seem much better mental wise in this video. I hope you can continue getting better. Also, introverts ftw :)

NO ONE CARES!

Shut the fuck up no one cares get a fucking life instead of posting your life.

You were doing a better job of communicating in this video. It seemed more coherent than some others. I hope you can continue the trend.

I know how you feel

I love you.

DANG people have long comments!

hey! im sure i can help you maybe telling you my story i would be glad if i can cheer you up send me a message as soon you read it! smile!

If you need someone to talk to, message me. I'm here to help.

Shattering people's worldviews is a hard thing to deal with. Being different is hard. You are strong, and can survive these dark times. Why were you thrown out of school?

I think it can take a long time to like yourself, sometimes. There are a lot of people who put on masks to avoid being shunned for being different, because people can be cruel. However, if you start being yourself wholly, eventually you will run into people who are also themselves wholly, and appreciate you for exactly who you are. It may be a lifelong thing, but it's a hell of a lot better than pretending. It sucks when family/old friends don't understand the person that you are, or if you are the black sheep. You need to take care of you, and start liking yourself, because you are the way that you are for good reason. You have no idea who you are inspiring when you *be yourself*.

Really worried about you at the moment. Ive seen a drastic change in you over the past few months. Im not sure what has changed. Why dont you try to get involved with some kind of circle. Some type of hobby you enjoy. As hard as it may seem to be able to have the strength to do something like that to begin with, i really feel it could help to be involved with some kind of community of likeminded people. Whether it be playing pool or yoga or a dance class or even church. Whatever you believe would help you. Just keep strong. There are plenty of people out there who would love to get to know you and build friendships with you and be part of your life. Really hope to see you pull yourself through this dark spell very quickly. It will pass. Promise. It always does. Chin up.

Also, don't skip meals/eat protein. Don't eat crap/sugar/cut out gluten. Gluten can do all sorts of weird stuff psychologically, because it affects gut health, which, in turn affects your psyche.

Can I mom out on you for a minute? Feel free to toss aside. Get tested for Lyme disease through Igenex labs. It's a little pricey, but it can explain a hell of a lot of psychological stuff. Good luck, you seem nice. I don't work for them, it basically saved me, I had panic attacks, attention deficit stuff, I think a LOT, I'm artistic, also. Watch Under Our Skin on Hulu. You're kind of nervous and 'tic'-y, and seem to have some cognitive issues with speaking--and if you're not on drugs (no offense, just being blunt to get to the point) that test could help you. Don't take my observations harshly, I'm just wondering if that's your deal, too. A lot of similiarities. How's your gut health? Have you read about gut health/dysbiosis/psychological problems? Try some probiotics that are good. Hugs.

hey ya. I have that same problem with my meds ( for anxiety and dep) , sometime it feels like they are just not cutting it, or not working like they used to. I think that's usually time to eaitheer a) increase dose or b) try a new one. fining a good doctor is the key. sending you pos vibes xoxoxox

I haven't the slightest idea how your channel ended up in my subscription box. But your vids touched me. I don't know if you believe in God and I'm not a religious fanatic but I felt a need to say a prayer for you. Whatever's troubling you,I'd like for you to find real peace.youre so young and valuable and deserve to be happy. I know that I don't know you but after seeing your vid,I had to say some. Please take care and be well:-)

Holy carp I love u u are really cute

Hi Jess. This video was heartbreaking to watch. I don't mean any disrespect. You just seem like you're trying so hard to hide the fact that you're really lonely. You're quite vague in all your recent videos so to the average person you do seem a little 'crazy'. In your Feb. 5th vid you seem especially incoherent. Question, are your videos meant to be for your own reflection of are you trying to reach out for some form of connection? I hope you find someone you can trust and relate to. For what it's worth I empathise with you.

omg ur so awsum

Okay, so you're really smart, extremely artistic, and sound a scoche manic right now. You need help, definitely, most likely a lot of hugs, and you need to get off drugs and just chill and simmer down. You aren't the first person to lose your sh*t, but you are kind of having a Cameron from Ferris Bueller's Day Off flip-out and you need Ferris AKA maybe a doctor or therapist to help you snap out of it. It will all get easier, but reach out, even if it is really hard to communicate with people/ask for help. Hugs. It happens to the best of us. On the other side of all of this is a good life. Reach out for help.

From watching your last few vids and these most recent ones it seems like you've been messed pschologically by religion and also that you've got strong feelings about what is moral to eat. I'm glad to see you seem to have a handle on your gender expression. With regard to your dietary issues, I too have wanted to go vegan. My reasons are related to the ethical treatement of animals as well as environmental impact. I don't presume to know what your reasons are but I do know that you need to ease up on your expectations of yourself. During the lowest part of my depression I was too critical of myself for not being about to reach my "pefect" self (ie. eating vegan). I've come to realise that being perfect isn't everything. You need to give youself credit for trying. Maybe I don't eat vegan everyday....but I do try to make more ethical/environmentally friendly choices and make them more often but I don't beat myself up when I do really feel like eating meat. Like the other commentors it's difficult for me to see you suffering they way you are. I don't know what your living situation is but I think it would be helpful for you to remove yourself from the situation that has put you in this low emotional state. You need to be in an open environment that doesn't cast judgement on your self expression (artistic, gender, dietary preferences or anything else). And you need to learn to trust again or you will be incredibly lonely. You seem like a fighter (you've already accepted who you are and basically don't care what the world thinks) so you see that there's hope. Trust in that hope and keep trying. Find that place you can be yourself and trust the people who make up that place. Just keep trying and you'll get there. I know you've got other offers but I'm all ears as well if you ever want to talk. Peace.

Just wanted to comment and say, I've watched your videos from the beginning. I haven't always been an active TH-cam member, but I like to return and catch up with my favorites...of which, you are one. I liked you all those years ago because, although you were obviously dealing with a lot, there were moments where you radiated joy and watching you made me smile. It's difficult to see you in a space where self loathing is such a part of your thought pattern. If you'd ever like to chat I'd happily partake. Friends near or far are worthwhile.

*Trigger warning* Believe it or not, but my opinion is that this is a normal process in life. Most of us go through self reflection and moments of "what am I doing with my life?!" On a very personal note, I felt the same as you about 5 years ago. College had gone financially wrong and caused me the debt I have now that I can't pay and am forced on SSI for income. I literally prayed to die every chance I could and plotted ways to kill myself. I got into a car accident shortly after, T-boned right where I was in the passenger seat. I never told my mom(I was getting a ride back homefor Mother's Day from a party). Change in my perspective slowly differed from that moment. Some days I get pissed off because use I'm no where near where I wanna be in life and no real clue how to get there, but it's so much better than it was You're a fighter. You wouldn't have even attempted these videos if you weren't. You're not alone. Keep your head up

Don't give up on yourself.

I'm always happy to see videos from you! I would like to ask you some more questions about your experience but don't want to invade your privacy (you've already shared so much). Please let me know if you're open to an email.

@ilikethesharpie Not creepy at all. Thanks for finding some kind of relevancy in what I have to say, and taking the time to watch me despite what I now see as narcissistic behavior. I hope that I can help as many people as possible get past gender all together. Thank you for the positive comment and the support. Peace.

@LoganJHayden Thanks! I plan on being myself as much as possible. :) Hope you are well also.

@cameraboi1229 Thanks for the comment, I wouldn't call what I'm doing detransitioning, just taking it in a different direction: a more natural approach, but perhaps your friend and I may have some stuff in common, and I'm not against communicating with anyone who could help along the way, or open my eyes and heart to another perspective.

I have a friend who also de-transitioned due to some dependency issues. If you would like their name as a source of support let me know I would be happy to help. Best to you.

Hey, it's great to see you again. It seems like you have overcome great obstacles, and it takes a brave person to speak in public about it. Stay strong, and be yourself, whenever you find yourself.

hey so nice to see an update from you! definitely big changes and they all sound good and right for you. its a process for us all and everyone has their own unique identity to navigate the world. i am so glad that you have this and the real world communities who can understand the non-traditional trans narrative and all that goes along with it for each of us. good luck!!! you're gonna be great.

@MeepMarmoset that sounds good :)

@ladyspuds :)

@blueheeler25 I'm glad that my video helped you. I don't necessarily regret the choice to take testosterone, I do like the remaining effects and often miss taking it. I see it as a step in my life that was necessary in order to figure out what I truly felt about myself. Thank you for the comment, and good luck with everything.

@badger5402 Thanks! I certainly will enjoy life as much as possible.

@kyleboyftm Thank you. :)

@Aviorwolf Thank you for the comment and support. I definitely hope that I continue to evolve along the path of "no gender".

@Raven051 Thanks for the support. I do hope to make some more videos. Glad that I'm not the only one who's been through this.

@SELKILKT Thanks, I am starting to feel better. Working toward being a healthy functional person.

It's great to hear from you again. I feel like you explained yourself well in this video. I have felt very similarly and reached the same conclusions about myself and gender as you have. Thank you for sharing that. It's a perspective not often heard on youtube and it is good to hear that another person has gone through the same struggle as I have. Thanks again and I look forward to more videos!:)

Also, you may enjoy the book Gender Outlaw. A few things you have said reminds me of that book.

"I want to give my body a shot" I think this is extremely brave. And I wish more people would try to do that before decisions are made. I wish nothing but the best for you! Good luck!

Extremely insightful and courageous video. I completely agree with the view that current societal constructs attempt to force everyone into "either or" gender categories. For what it's worth, I believe you, and others who share similar views, are ahead of your time. The other meaning of "transgender" is "trans-gender", that is, "beyond gender". More like a spectrum than a continuum, even. Best wishes and never stop being yourself, no matter how that may evolve. Dr. Neil