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I am already tired and fed up of this toxic individualism. It is immature and stuns personal development

So many thanks🙏✌💚🎨🌲🕊

Thanks for the reminder Terry. It’s too much energy to be selfish when all we want is love and acceptance.

You know what you’re talking about.

I read your book "I Don't Want to Talk About It" in 2018. I revisited this year after a breakup in 2024. At 34 years I'm realizing I have some under-developed romantic relationship skills. I'm still working to reconnect with my deeper self. Plan to use your content to learn some skills, and examine some internal narratives along the way.

Better keep that relationship tiddy because you are both wallowing in that mess. No way around it.

❤ Relational Life Therapy! ❤. So real, so true, so valuable!

My secret to a 22 year marriage is: I fall in love with him as a daily practice. 🫶💐

Rock. On. Terry.

Compassionate curiosity - entering into the subjective experience of our partners as an act of emotional generosity. Being with - allowing, opening up space: I’m sorry honey. That sounds hard. I can understand why you might feel like that. (Empathy) Help me understand. Tell me more. Let’s face this together. Then: Is there something I can do to help you feel better?

I would buy your books. How many are translated into spanish, and how to get them? Thanks in advance

Brilliance!!!

Well Done Terry!! Extremely well-articulated and hugely useful to all!! Thank you All at RLT!!!

Excellent. This is a good default for when in doubt. When there is no doubt that your behaviors hurt them. Would 'I'm sorry I hurt you' be more accountable?

I love your work. Your work has changed my life. I read your book I Don’t Want to Talk About It, at the beginning of this year. It made me reflect so much and acknowledge a lot of repressed trauma. I continue my journey in improving relationship. I watch your videos all the time. Love your work. Thank you for what you do.

My RLT therapist and I have been talking about narcissism, passive to extreme, and it is heartbreaking. Angering. So, when you said “I can’t tell you how many partners I see who put up with behavior that they really shouldn’t be putting up with they get resentful they get withdrawn and then the partner 10,15 years later leaves them anyway saying the relationship is dead and they’re right it actually is because you haven’t been authentic in taking your partner on all this time and passion has dried up…” The accuracy of this statement aside, I hear the blame lies on me, it’s my fault for the decades old dead relationship. When does the narcissist get to be at fault? Seriously. I’m learning about this now. My authentic self has been waiting for me to see my truth and become available to do some work. My work on me. I’m about to read Us, at my therapist’s suggestion. More will be revealed. Your videos and books have been a lifeline. Thank you.

My wife has filed for divorce and I’m devastated. We went to an LMFT that I didn’t think had much to offer. We also went to church councilors 4 times and again they didn’t have much to offer. She’s accusing me of narcissism and says we “tried everything”, but I joined a marriage recover program alone with coaches that were trained by you. I’ve learned so much. I told her we tried two things a lot of times which is far from “everything “. But it seems the damage is too extensive. She’s still willing to admit that she loves me. Everyone is heartbroken (we have two small kids) and the finances are decimated but she has convinced herself it’s for the best. I have moments where I look forward to my future without her, but that conflicts with my vision for my family, the sacredness of my vow and my duty to perform love even when it feels terrible. I want to ask how I can get through to her, but I already know I need to respect her boundaries and let her make her choice. Sheesh, life is full of heartache and I have remorse that I didn’t allow myself to receive the depth of the relationship that was available to me. I bet that’s very pleasant for those who have experienced it. I don’t think I’m a narcissist or even innately selfish. I just thought I was obligated to perform masculinity but I didn’t have the tools to relationally live out my masculine energy.

Thank you, I am a fan of your work. In my experience, these selfish men either won’t or can’t be accountable for their behavior. Blame shifting is real, it was my fault for being upset about how I was being treated, not their fault for treating me badly. I tried and tried to talk about this, until I was so frustrated for not being listened to that I spoke up more strongly (not yelling and screaming though). My partner of 10 years then ended our relationship - he said it was because I was angry and resentful. Our patriarchal culture has done much damage to heterosexual relationships. (I can’t speak to other relationships in my own experience).

Terry, no one talks relationships as well as you. I like your matter of fact way, it turns the heat down. thanks

I ❤this!

This can be true but when you’ve tried for years to get your partner to self reflect on their actions (with a couples therapist that has trained with you) and they have no desire to change their behavior, it’s time to move on.

This video just saved my life as well as my children’s lives in so many ways. God always on time!

So many phenomenal gems in this TH-cam needs to promote this To EVERYONE Breathing 😂

Amazing

This is amazing! I enjoyed hearing your perspective and find it helpful

Such a beautifully expressed message for everyone - male, female, and non-binary folks - especially given that the systemic patriarchal cultural messages, overtly and covertly, teach otherwise. I have come to appreciate again and again that our sense of self-worth and self-esteem are at the core of our capacity to give and receive love and experience inner and outer peace ☮️ Thank you, Terry🙏❤️❣️

This felt comforting to learn that I am idealistic when it comes to my expectations of a marriage. I’m always thinking the grass would be greener with someone else. Been through a lot of betrayal that echoes my childhood. I haven’t healed from that and it’s my partner’s behavior that brings it to the surface. I unconsciously keep expecting him to heal all of that and make the lifetime of betrayal right, instead of holding my parents accountable. Tough work being in a relationship Thank you.

And it's always the therapists who don't understand masculinity. That's not a coincidence.

Women want masculine men. Men are willing to give women what they say they want but when they do, they get rejected. Women want traditionally masculine men more than men want to be traditionally masculine.

Like COLONISER'S not asking to share land's for knowledge instead of taking everything

This shit is a game changer. It works (!) and the result is a diminished amount of drama and an increased amount of intimacy. If that's not your jam you probably are better off alone...lol.

Subscribed! Great advice.

Thank you Terry

thank you Terry, thank you so much. Really the love is needed and the clarity. 💞

Super super useful! While I really want to reject the terms "love addict" or "codependent", I recognize that those were the behaviors I was engaging in. I engaged in them to a great degree in my marriage, but also to a lesser degree in my recent relationship. This video helped me see how far I have come (I stood up for myself frequently, and mostly respectfully! I knew I was worthy!), it also clarified what is yet to be done (um, actually LEAVE before a year goes by if it sucks!) and gave me ideas on how to be 'fiercely intimate' in future relationships. Thank you! Bonus: Fierce Intimacy is available on audiobook from my library, and on my list to borrow.

I love this ! Thanks

Hi Terry, Once the wise adult is back in the driving seat after the adaptive child is triggered by a partner, is it always essential to let the partner know what happened/talk through it with them? Love the videos!

Thank you!!!!!❤❤❤

Retaliation can do wonders. My boss was a jerk. I retaliated. Our director talked to other of his employees and fired him. Retaliation worked great.

Needed this this morning .If I could send a million 💖 emojis I would. TY

I feel normal now..........🤣 seriously. growing and learning real intimacy. Thank you Terry Real for being real.

Such great information is always. But I don’t know why they have added music? It makes it so incredibly difficult to hear.

Thanks, Terry. I love how straightforward this is. Retaliation from the victim position ( we know when we're there) is pointless. It is like swallowing poison. And when retaliation is coming at me and the other person doesn't want to connect and work through issues, all I can do is recalibrate the space between us, hold my centre and be open to change.

You mainly work with couples? not singles seeking a partner?

...or how to be that formidable wise grandparent that you've always dreamed and read about 🙂 Thank you, Terry Real!

Masterful!

OMG Terry, you are so funny in this video :)))

the two of you together... what a freaking dream!

The voice of reason and wisdom-thank you for sharing in this way to such a wide audience. So many people have unrealistic expectations of their partners, and fail to see their own wounds at play. These are essential teachings 💛

I felt it and thought I needed him until I found me in this moment 😢❤