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I definitely can! Anything in particular you want my perspective on about the intersection of the two? Or just kind of broadly my experience?

@autismondrugs kinda just in general your take. Id be curious what stands out to you in that intersection. The thing spesifically bothering me rn is related to memory issues with dissociative disorders vs weed. I've been addicted to weed for years and have significant memory problems but it's not really how people with full on DID describe it, lost time etc. I think I might have osdd1b and a weed addiction but also am worried the osdd symptoms might be coming from the weed? (I don't really think that ig, maybe, I have memories of parts before the weed, but idk it's just confusing). Love your content btw :)

I’m super glad you found it helpful, that’s certainly the goal but half the time I wonder if I’m even making sense at all, lol. As for the “feeling like you” part…I’ll start with clearly I’m not a doctor and nothing I say here should ever be taken without a large grain of salt, that being said, my understanding of neurotypical peoples’ sense of self is that it is much more solidified than what you’re describing. Not to say people don’t have opinions that sometimes contradict each other or that peoples’ personalities can’t be very complex, but the way you describe the consistency of the differences of opinions seems like more than just the occasional cognitive dissonance that i think it somewhat inherent to being a person. Can you group different opinions together? For instance, if there is a “you” who likes a certain type of food, does that “you” also have specific types of movies they like? It was helpful for me to realize that I didn’t just have warring opinions and thoughts everywhere, but they were also clustered into distinct states. The part of me that likes red also likes men and also hates fried food. The part of me that likes swimming the most also loves the dark and being alone. Once I realized that my preferences were grouped together like that I was like “okay, well, this is certainly more than just my opinion changing constantly” because it wasn’t just one opinion changing, it was an entire outlook on the world. Does that make any sense?

The selfie thing helped me a lot! Also, and keep in mind I’m not a doctor and have only my experience to work with here, but it is pretty classic to go “so this means it’s basically undeniable” and then go “maybe…” the amount of work the brain does to tell itself it DOESNT have a dissociative disorder is so intense. I hope it all makes more sense for you as time progresses, no matter what the outcome! Eventually it’ll become clear one way or the other and the best part about dissociative disorders is that if you do have one, your body is only going to let you know about it when it knows you’re ready. If you don’t have one, that’ll become clear over time too!

With the caveat that I certainly don't know much and these are all very subjective opinions, I think any explanation of the biochemical effects of psychedelics or the biochemical underpinnings of autism that doesn't touch on the relevance of dreams would be woefully incomplete. Both through my own experience and my experience talking to other autistic folks, I think it's pretty safe to say our dreaming life is as atypical as our waking life. I also think any understanding of dissociative disorders without looking at dreams is also pretty incomplete. It's a fairly accepted fact that people with dissociative disorders have more nightmares than people without and I think this is typically seen as a response to repressed trauma but, personally, I think that's a very lazy explanation for a phenomenon that's pretty interesting. Plus, for me specifically and for some other folks I know, only some alters dream and only some alters are able to fall asleep. Like what an interesting concept, to have an alter that has a specific biological/brain rhythmic makeup that doesn't allow sleep? I obviously don't have any answers to any of it but what I do have is a lot of curiosity around all of it. Including the visual snow thing! It's so interesting you'd bring that up because I've always wondered whether that (and a few other things, tinnitus for one) had overlaps with autistic communities and/or had relationships to serotonin analogs in the brain. My only reason for even thinking about such a thing is the fact that the only way I know to replicate things like that are through high dose psychedelic experiences, which doesn't mean that has to be the way the brain produces the experiences endogenously, but it does mean that that's one way it *could* happen. All of that ranting to say that I find everything you said to be not just extremely interesting but hopefully the kind of thing we'll know more about in the future. Right now it feels like seeing all these things that are loosely connected and overlapping and constantly going "you know, I bet those are related," and I can't wait to have more information on all of it.

@@autismondrugs Visual snow is still being studied, so there is limited info as to what is causing it/how to treat it. From my non-professional opinion, it seems like they say it stems from the brain not filtering out stuff that it typically would, kind of like the theory of pruning in autism. I honestly have mixed feelings of trying to further my understanding of all the stuff we've mentioned in the past two comments, as I feel it may lead to even more questions (rather than answers). I have lived my life processing information in such a rigid manner that trying to understand things that are not "proven" by science stresses me out. On the other hand, once one has experienced this kind of stuff, it's difficult NOT to dive head first into it all. I'm afraid of going crazy, sometimes I feel like I have almost slipped too far. I've only briefly experienced synchronicities and psychotic symptoms (typically while under the influence of substances ), and what I have seen/felt is both intriguing and terrifying. Honestly the hardest part is that it feels like there's very few people to talk to you about this stuff. Especially if referring to in my day-to-day life in person. I've always felt that I didn't quite fit in, but even more so when trying to learn about these topics. Sometimes I just want to isolate because the world is exhausting, but obviously that's not a reasonable long term solution. :/

I'm so glad it's been helpful! I also used youtube as my first glimpse into "oh..i might be autistic" and "oh...i might have a dissociative disorder" and then was kind of surprised there wasn't that much content on the two overlapping. Especially because I think all but one person I know who have dissociative disorders are also autistic. I hope you have a good time getting to know your alters better, I know for me its been a really fun and liberating (and sometimes exhausting) experience : )

When I get my most stressed out, I can definitely get to a point where I can't type, text, and my thoughts become kind of a frenzy. It's like not just the ability to talk leaves me, but even the ability to find words leave me. Maybe this is a little bit what you're describing? For me it feels almost like my brain is filled with static and the only thing I can think is "say something" but I can't find any actual words in my brain, let alone find the ability to say them. I also have times when I'm not so overwhelmed that I can't move or can't talk, but I am overwhelmed to the point where putting thoughts together gets tricky. For instance, I sometimes have to step away from disagreements or arguments with my partner if I get too emotional because I stop being able to find the words to describe how I'm feeling or why I'm feeling it. I often have to take ten or twenty minutes, go somewhere quiet, give myself a bit of time just to breathe, and then really think through the situation step by step to figure out how to explain my feelings to my partner. It's like I lose the ability to put thoughts into a cogent order. I'm not sure if any of that is exactly what you mean, but maybe it helps some!

Not often, no. I did however have this revelation a little while ago where I went “oh shit, hold on, if i’m forgetting small things, i wouldn’t remember that I’m forgetting them,” since then I’ve been really skeptical of forgetting small things or losing small amounts of time. I always just figured “no one remembers everything that happened yesterday or everything that happened last week” and that’s true! So it’s honestly hard to say if I have memory lapses or not. But it’s certainly not anything like people who have DID who lose whole days and are more aware that they’re losing time. Hopefully that makes some sense!

@autismondrugs Yes, it does. Thank you!

back at ya

I think I would disagree, or at least qualify that some. I think all substances have a physical and a mental aspect and there is certainly a physical manifestation of weed addiction. In the addiction community we tend to refer to it as an allergy, aka when weed addicts consume weed they have an abnormal physical reaction that then jumpstarts a mental obsession. Very similar to alcoholism, the physical mechanisms for addiction aren’t entirely clear (for alcohol they are a bit more clear now, but when AA was first founded there was no physical medical basis for alcoholism)-all of that to very unorganized-ly say that while we might not know the mechanisms for physical addiction I would be very surprised if there wasn’t a physical basis for weed addiction and I think the more people realize that there is a physical aspect, just as there is for alcohol or opiates, the easier it will be for people to understand that they aren’t just ‘weak’ for not being able to control their consumption. I totally get what you’re saying though. Plus, weed is such an impressive psychedelic that there’s also a deep spiritual addiction that can occur. It’s a messy issue for sure and more than anything I think it’s still just…unclear what all the specifics of it are.

@autismondrugs Oh yeah, then again not much research has been done on weed outside of legal states due to the Feds keeping it in Schedule 1. But now with it going down to Schedule 3 hopefully this year, it will encourage more studying to be done on Cannabis and everything that it can do. 👍 I will say though that everyone's body chemistry is different, and everyone reacts differently to different drugs. Like for me, for example, I never got hooked on opiates after taking codeine when I got my wisdom teeth were taken out a few years ago, and the same for ADHD meds. It's hard for me personally to get hooked on most things. I used to vape nicotine back when I was 18 through the age of 19, but I was able to completely stop taking it ironically due to Cannabis. Nowadays if I were to hit a nic vape, it feels exactly like it was when I first vaped. I just never got cravings for it like that personally. Lol

@autismondrugs I do like your vids though because I relate a lot to them. I recently discovered through therapy that I might be Autistic, but my therapist is going to refer me to get the official diagnosis, and I'm pretty stoked about it. 👍 I have ADHD, but for some reason looking back at my life, I always felt like there was something more wrong with me than just ADHD.

That’s super relatable but in the opposite direction for me! I have an ‘official’ autism diagnosis but just recently started being like….oh damn I think I might have ADHD too. I think I did a similar thing I did with autism before I was diagnosed where with both I was just like “haha these are just quirks i have” and then the more I got exposed to different media about autism and now adhd I’m like hold up these are like….qualities of a collective group of people….huh long story short I’m thinking about going in to get assessed for ADHD lol

@autismondrugs Well that's awesome! I hope that your journey of self-discovery will lead you to the truth. I noticed that some of us who are Neurodiverse have some things that are comorbid along with our conditions, one of my comorbidities being Depression along with my ADHD and possible Autism. You and I might be diagnosed with the other parts later on in life, but hey, now we are getting the help that we needed all along. Just remember that no matter what, you are awesome and unique. 😎

No, it’s not a very markable skill! But I think it’s still one of the most worthwhile skills to have and at risk of sounding too ~hippie~ I think when people continue putting good into the world and doing their best to spread positive things, eventually good things happen. You sound like you think about a lot of the same things I think about all the time; I read a nice thing earlier today about existence being the lived experience of being “not two.” Essentially it was pointing at the idea that we are beings that are hard wired into reconciling opposites-living with the truth of yes and no at the same time, true and false at the same time. It’s a thought that interested me so I thought I’d pass it along! The ‘magical middle ground’…if it’s not a very thing ledge I have no idea what it is! It’s certainly always felt that way to me. And a very thin edge I always either seem to be running away from or falling off, lol

I lovvvve the moon! And yes, N,N-Dimethyltryptamine. It’s a very potent and specific psychedelic (more specifically an entheogen). I’ve only done it a few times but it’s by far one of my favorite drugs (and certainly the most novel i’ve ever come across). It had a tendency to produce near death experiences (from my personal experiences I would genuinely say I died and came back to life but science would probably disagree with me-but spiritually I certainly died) and a tendency to produce contact with (at least what appear to be) sentient creatures often referred to in the psychedelic community as “machine elves”. It’s truly a wild substance and I have no way to really describe it well… As for it coming from sunlight, it’s possible! I’ve never really thought about where the power for its metabolism comes from, but since it’s production (in rodents at least) is tied to circadian rhythms there’s good reason to at least speculate that sunlight helps at least trigger its production. It’s a cool thought!

right?? i felt the same way

FRANK

I also haven’t been on my instagram in years so yeah that’ll do it, plus I took a solid break from life in general while I was getting sober

I miss you!

are you on discord by any chance?

@@autismondrugs You got sober! amazing! I am barely ever on discord or any social media for that matter. Strangely enough, I am easiest to reach via e-mail nowadays. I could give you my e-mail address?

Great point and great video idea! Consider me on it

Glad it was helpful!

Aw that makes me so happy; I've been taking a break from making videos for awhile now but I can't tell you how much joy it brings that the videos help people!

I have one thought about why they're more recent, but as always, take it with a grain of salt, just my random thoughts on the matter. However, it seems like you may have been delving into autism research/wondering whether you're autistic more recently (I could be wrong, oops)--if this is the case, it's possible your mask is breaking down some/you're becoming more aware of the things that overwhelm you. That's at least what happened to me. It wasn't until I started realizing I was autistic that I started to go non-verbal which really made me feel like I was making it up. In reality, what was really going on was that when I got overwhelmed all the things that my brain used to ignore/unconsciously mask I was wayyyy too aware of. Because I was focusing so much of my energy on researching autism, thinking about traits in myself, it's like the lights suddenly got brighter, noises got more intense, social interactions became more taxing, all because my mask was lessening, basically because I was finally noticing all of the things I had been shoving down for my entire life. Does that make any sense? I feel like it might and maybe it resonates, maybe it doesn't, but I hope it helps some!

@@autismondrugs You are correct. Thank you so much for responding! Yeah, realizing that I'm probably autistic has helped me realize that some of the random stuff I would do(like getting home from school and just sitting in the car for five minutes because I was too tired to get out) was stuff like small shutdowns. Super weird though that the verbal shutdown after realization is a common thing

I appreciate it!! It is weird to go around and have people talk…not like you. Totally get it.

Sounds autistic to me! But that’s just my opinion. It sounds like a hyper fixation and a want for things to be *complete*. The color thing d e f i n i t e l y sounds super autistic. Colors are actually the thing that overwhelms me most sensory wise. Definitely get that.

one year later: right here for friendship at anytime

I agree, I wish I had some weed/green Jane

“I still can’t figure out what’s wrong with me but it be like that” most relatable thing I’ve read in a while lmao