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@@michaelstevenson186 Yes, they are uncomfortable with peace. They crave & feed off of chaos. It's their oxygen.

​@lovin.lisa101 I suffer from bipolar and p t s d. My narcissist fed off for that for a while until I got it under control. To this day they still try to make me Express anger and When I don't you should see how this person jumps around and has a tantrum like a baby and after that here comes the threats. Things like you have to move out of the family home which i've been in my whole life and statements like I shouldn't have been born. Keep in mind we're talking about a middle child.So I kind of understand some of her narcissistic ways. I can write a book about the things I have experienced with this person. Something.I've been known in my whole life but not expecting it from family.Is that you gotta watch the people?That's the closest to you. Family is more dangerous because they know your business intimately. Thank you for your videos.Because i'm learning a lot now

@@michaelstevenson186 You are very welcome! Many blessings to you on your journey.

@@michaelstevenson186 Often we're are taught to overlook & not recognize abuse from family. We are pounded with the motto " Blood is thicker than water." We have to learn to recognize, not tolerate and block people who abuse us, family or not. Choose people who love you & treat you well.

@@nicholecornes1915 exactly!

@@terarorie5871 Yes, very much so. Avoidants men will not tolerate a successful woman. They only feel safe loving a project. They need their partner to not be able to function without them. In their mind it lessens the chance of abandonment. Your success made you too much of a risk .

@@user-uc5oo2iv6w It's a psychotic void of insecurity. Creepy actually...

@@PaolaTheTimeLord Yes, yes it is

@@george-trad that is wonderful! What you experienced is common in narcissistic abuse. Most people do not realize their ex is a narcissist until they breakup, go no contact, & process it. It's bc the abuse causes cognitive dissonance, delayed realization, & you are in constant fight or flight, which lowers your functional IQ so you can't make fgood decisions for yourself.

@@lovin.lisa101 thank you for clarifying. I’ve never been in a narcissistic relationship so I had no idea what to look for and didn’t have my guard up. I didn’t realize the abuse until about a month after I was discarded when i went down the rabbit hole looking for answers. The sad part about all of this is that my ex has no idea that she is a narcissist. Her public persona and private persona are very different. No one would ever suspect or believe me if I said she was a narcissist. Part of me wants to reach out and let her know how she treated and disrespected me. In a way I believe it would give me some closure. If she ever does reach out, I probably will let her know. It’s been four months of no contact. She did bread crumb me a week after the abrupt discard and I left her on read. At the point I wasn’t aware that i was in a toxic relationship.

@@coach-piotr Bless you. That's a tough road.

@@lovin.lisa101 One thing I've learned is that avoidants are kind of addicted to dopamine. And for example travelling together and doing fun things - it feels so amazing. But life is not constant dopamine. Thanks for your toughtful content. I usually watch stuff created by guys (more logic, less emotions) but I found what you say to resonate with me and I enjoy the way you present the topic

@@coach-piotr You are correct. Avoidants & Narcissists are addicted to dopamine. That is why they feed off chaos & love it. They lack contentment & inner world/emotional regulation. That's why they cannot handle a healthy relationship. They cannot handle Peace. Thank you for the compliments. I'm glad you appreciate the delivery of my content. I prefer a straight forward, bullet point delivery of information. Again, thank you!

@@coach-piotr To understand & heal from Avoidants/ Narcissists you have to use logic. If you use emotions they suck you into their emotional dysregulation & make you responsible for saving them from themselves.

@@lovin.lisa101 Thank you for your suggestion. I started practicing breathing methods and stoicism. And current situation pushed me to watch content like yours. Which made me realize many things which I did not realize before. Thank you

@@darrenlocke5627 You are not wrong!

@@GRIMJIMTV It's messed up, eh!?!

@@user-jb5my7ly5f You are so correct on so many levels. I too have heard do many coaches say that secures will help avoidants but it works inverse. Secures can help anxious. But if a secure tries with avoidants it will make them anxious or psychotic. That is why I teach people to recognize the signs to not even date them. And you are correct they never see anything wrong with their actions so of course they will not change. It's not the secure & anxious job to rescue avoidants from themselves bc they don't want to be.

@@lovin.lisa101Exactly! I am securely attached, my childhood was a good one. I am confident and reasonable. I have a very clear communication style, I am understanding, conscious about my wording not to blame the other person, not to hurt. And guess what? At 30 got to experience a relationship with an avoidant for the first time. Two months in and he triggered me to the point I couldn't recognize myself! I thought I was going insane! The amount of fear that something was very wrong, the cognitive dissonance pushed me into anxious meltdowns! Something I had never experienced before in any relationship, work or stressful situation! They disarm you with love and then pull it away leaving you stunted, and since they won't communicate, you feel so confused you start to doubt yourself. I gave him space, tried to establish a day so he could think and we could talk. "Let's chat about this in 5 days more? no rush. Don't worry, it's nothing bad, we just need to adjust. We just need a schedule to rely on. We just need to find a middle ground" Not even talking about feelings, but facts. It was pointless. He would sabotage any communication attempt, and then ghost me for days without leaving, coming back just to make check in and withdraw again. Thank god I was secure enough still to leave, but the damage was already done. I cannot imagine how tortuous it must be for someone who's actually anxious. They will ruin your emotional balance, it's absolutely not worth it.

@@user-jb5my7ly5f , A lot of coaches are former avoidants & over sympathize with other Avoidants & project on others the responsibility of saving avoidants. However, these healed avoidants are usually females who have studied psychology professionally for years, and are on the lower end of the severity scale of avoidance. I strongly object to following such advice. My advice is to recognize & avoid Avoidants. It's not your job to save someone who sees no flaws nor does not want to be saved.

@@user-jb5my7ly5f , My #1 question to ask in the dating to spot avoidants is if they are friends with exes. You will receive various excuses of why they are friends. However, secure & anxious people answer with a resounding, no. Only date those people, never try to reason with or help an avoidant understand why this is unhealthy. They will chalk that up to you being immature & insecure. That is the mindset of someone who cannot function in a relationship.

@@equalitarianbiologist2327 Very true. It seems most advice is how to work around avoidants issues & gaslight yourself into seeing their toxicity as love. My advice is find someone secure or anxious that you can actually have a relationship with. I don't encourage people to play savior, rescuer, or captain save-a-hoe to avoidants.

⁠@@lovin.lisa101why is being with an anxious so much better? I’m FA so I’m a bit of both and so much ppl talk like anxious is superior when they’re just as traumatized.

What do you mean healing therapy is self hurtful to them? Healing is difficult for everyone I’m sure. Trust I see “my own shade and darkness”, do anxious people though? The both have similar trauma that caused it they just get more sympathy, is it because they’re constant need for reassurance is seem as “oh they must love me so much”? Cause that ain’t love that’s attachment and codependency. Do they not have a “darkness”? Curious because I find my anxious side more annoying to deal with (I’m FA).

@@equalitarianbiologist2327 , So many valid points. The most astounding aspect is the level of self-denial.

@@user-uu9yb9wb5b BC anxious people have an ability & natural desire to self reflect & heal to function in a relationship. Therefore you can actually grow together despite the annoyance. Avoidants avoid growth bc they avoid self reflection, emotional processing & accountability. Therefore, there is no growth. And you cannot grow a relationship with a person whose basis of foundation is "It's just the way I am."

Love languages too. Procrastination styles. Avertions. Idiosyncrasies, Aromantic type. Asexual type. Philosophical liking. Belief systems, not just psychological belief systems and religion, also societal beliefs not to go too deep in steep politics (... compatibility)

Anxious and Fearful(mixed) styles do discard as well, out of inner volcanic pain. FA secure here. The discard thing is a horrible misdeed, true that.

@@reneehaynes8289 I completely agree with you.

@@equalitarianbiologist2327 You hit on so many valid topics.

@@equalitarianbiologist2327 I agree with you. They fear being close to people & only choose to open up to people who will damage them & therefore retraumatize themselves to justify their subconscious fears & wounds. It's a vicious cycle.

@@coadster0255 Yes, they like to keep all doors from the past open. They always plan an escape route bc they are never truly committed in relationships.

@@coadster0255they prefer to have many shallow connections, so they choose quantity over quality. I'm glad you are free from the toxicity.

@@lovin.lisa101 thank you and I as well. I really appreciate my peace and singleness now and I know I’ll meet the right one who’s not toxic in time.

@@coadster0255 You are awesome!

@@lovin.lisa101 you are too! Keep up the great work!!

@@finncog3759 Bless you!

@@Janedances I agree

@@lovin.lisa101oh sorry I thought you were saying it’s good to be like that😂

@@Janedances Lol! Not at all... It's about narcissistic awareness

@@PingasFumberto I am glad you find it helpful.

@@lovin.lisa101 just trying to be a more effective narcissist

@@PingasFumberto I'm sure you will be successful

@@ellebelle3812 Yes, I completely agree. After age 25 their frontal lobe is formed & they are not changing. Subconscious misogyny blames women for everything, including making a man be a .an. Believe a person the first time they show you who they are. And it is never the betrayed person's fault. Cheaters have issues that they need to solve.

@@rebacassius1816 Yes, yes they are.

@@Iknowmorethanuknow Your nervous system is attracted to toxic bc you grew up in toxic.

@@Iknowmorethanuknow Also bc you love the thrill of the chase bc you are still chasing/earning the love of the mom/Dad that always made you feel not good enough.

@@DivergentCreation2 Yes, there is much unique terminology applicable to Narcissists & their disordered thought processes.

I do know this. I'm familiar and I've heard this one before and forgot all about it. This phenomenon really messes with my head. I've somehow had back to back npd plus raised by a couple and if I'm to be fully honest I have plenty of narcissistic traits. I've Damm near been convinced I'm a narcissist. I have empathy and compassion but feel I may be a dark empath. out necessity. Hi 👋

@@DivergentCreation2 Lol! I love your thought process however narcissists never consider they are narcissists. Being raised by a narcissist energetically calibrates you to attract narcissists in your life. Check out Ho'oponopono.

@@DivergentCreation2 , Aaron Doughty provides a great explanation of how it works. The video is titled "How I healed my younger self with Ho'oponopono."

@@lovin.lisa101 I appreciate the info and will dive in immediately.

Omg yes!

@@certifiedhoarder I'm glad you recognize your pattern. You are correct that people can heal. Unfortunately, most people do not recognize their issues much less work to change them.

@@certifiedhoarder, and you are correct that attraction & chemistry is driven by unhealed wounds.

@@kennyrussell7941 basically people choose others who don't choose them bc they don't choose themselves. They don't know what self love or healthy boundaries look like. Therefore, they chase love from unhealthy partners who cannot love them. You aren't ready to date until you are not afraid to walk away from someone who is not good for you or ready for a relationship. You would rather choose you than just have someone in your life.

@@SmilingAgain2024 Exactly!

Yelp 😂 you right

No, not always

It has more to do with attachment styles, & unhealed wounds, as opposed to gender.

@@lovin.lisa101 it's just usually men don't like to hang out with their ex after the relationship doesn't work at least when it comes to friends and coworkers. I just run across it with women consistently. So I guess I wouldn't get the full picture.

LOL. True.