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The spiritual ramifications of this are fascinating.

I have a therapist and psychiatrist who believe its not worth it to get diagnosed at my age, #1 because very expensive, and #2 because i have qdverse childhood experiences that make it difficult to separate neurodivergence from PTSD. I identify stronglt with so much of what you shared; especially the constant being quiet about what triggers you, of struggling to dial the exact level of emotion everyone arounds me expects to register as normal, and movinG on through life despite the additional brain power wasted just on staying under the radar. i might be okay after 4 years of weekly therapy. But i still hurt. I thinl what would have made all the difference in the world is having parents who werw cceotijg of neurodivergence, and could roll with my vibe despite it not matching the other kids. Now in therapy i relise how much my parents shame and scorn hurt me as a kid, when i truly feel like i was just being myself, and a kinder and patient guiding would have helped me mask in a way without internalizing that i was the problem. The difference between masking as a spy vs masking as atonement for not matching my parents expectations. Now as an adult a good chunk of my friends are some flavor of neurodivervent, and we are all trying to be kinder to our needs, adjust, optimize, and support each other. We still screw up, either being mean at ourselves or our friends, but at least we are trying to hold space for our "quirkiness" along with our masked selves.

I'm crying while watching this. Had to pause it multiple times to process because it resonated so deeply. I relate to every single point you've made and it's so comforting to know someone else does understand my internal struggles and unspoken experiences. I have my ASD and ADHD assessments next month and it's all I've been able to think about since I scheduled them in 2024. After spending hours educating my mom on how I relate to other autistics in November of 2024, she told me right before New Years Eve that she doesn't think that I could be Autistic after I was wrong about something else that I thought I had. I had a meltdown in front of my parents and some first responders because nobody was doing what I asked them to do several times. I was having a panic attack but I didn't know that, at least that's what they told me. My BPM was at 180, my oxygen was very low, my throat was closing up, my chest was in so much pain I was clutching my heart, and my parents just stood still watching me while I told them step by step instructions on how to help while I quite literally thought I was dying (as this had never happened before). She didn't outright say that but I know it was due to that. I'm turning 25 in April and one of my brothers (who is 12 years older than me) is disabled and will never be able to work, but my mom doesn't think that would be the case for me since I'm "not as bad as [him]". You would think that after she educated herself on ASD because my 5 year old niece is autistic that would help her have empathy or a better understanding, but unfortunately that couldn't be further from the truth. When I did my intake appointment in late November at the assessment center (that's four hours away from my house, had to drive there and back by myself, stay in an airbnb by myself, handle everything myself, was very stressed and anxious) the doctor told me she wanted to get me assessed for ASD and ADHD as soon as I could come in and the schedule allows for it. An expert doctor who literally works in an Autism/Neurodivergent assessment center thinks I could be Autistic and ADHD but my own mother who raised me, who is educated and has an Autistic granddaughter doesn't think I could be. All this to say, thank you for making this video. You've made me feel more seen than my parents who I have lived with most of my life have ever made me feel. Thank you <3

I just found this podcast a few days ago and it's amazing.

Just diagnosed at 48. Its a relief, and now i can seperate my true self from masking in the future

I like the rain on the car, I like how it's raining.

To answer the (obviously facetious) question in the video title: I actually know a dude who wanted to see if he could get a Ritalin prescription for recreational use by getting an autism diagnosis (yes, insidious, I know lol). Luckily, he ended up testing negative. I say "luckily", not because I have anything against autism, but because the dude's a certified asshole for trying to do such a thing lmao

8:09 sh!t man you're hitting some serious strings. Jeez do you want me to engage or not. I'm fine with sitting in a corner and entertaining myself

5:08 spot on my man. I see it as humans are social creatures so we gotta bend and do gymnastics to most people. It sure is nice to let loose with some genuine autists tho!

I am sixty-one, and was diagnosed two years ago. I can tell you it made a huge difference in knowing, and understanding how I got here and why.

Your description of masking as a layer of your personality is SO TRUE!!!!!! Thank-you so much!!!!!!!

Noetics is amazing. Our bodies do not end at the skin. That would be like considering earth only the crust and below, ignoring the electromagnetic field and calling it a superstition.

I find listening to you with the noise of that hail or heavy rain is distracting. Your headphones have probably isolated you from that, but it's really prominent on the recorded audio. Feeling lonely and depressed due to being marginalized is hard. Without a formal diagnosis people generate their own labels for you, usually much more judgmental than Autism.

Bro, I pray for you if you want to talk with someone, connect me

You said that masking is like always being on edge and not being able to relax. Wow. My mother used to tell me that I was uptight, and my high school guidance counselor (I'm now in my 60's) said that I walked as if I was in a hurry, being tense. I had migraine headaches regularly, which were probably due to stress or tension. Sometimes, being around certain people caused (and still causes) me to perspire. I'm hoping that I will get my diagnosis within the next five months. (I'm on a waiting list.) About 8:30 in: Yes, I was told that I was too serious, even in high school. I'm relating to so much of what you're saying (even though I'm not commenting on everything). I've finished watching the video. Wow. I relate to SO MUCH of what you share! Thank you!

Whew honey yes! Between being autistic and gay, the trauma is real.

Knowing wouldn’t make a bit of difference to me because 1) I don’t see myself as a failure. There was a time I did. In some ways I have done much better than most people. 2) My “needs” aren’t actual needs. They aren’t like food and air. I learn to deal with them because others shouldn’t have to go out of their way for me. The guilt would be horrible. 3) It might be different elsewhere, but where I live people aren’t going to see being autistic as any different from being odd. 4) I’m old. I’ve already gone through the worst and learned the tricks that work best for me.

if vulnerability was a weakness, we could all do it. Crying in front of someone you are comfortable with takes strength. Apologizing takes strength, to expose ones self is anything but weak. Funny that synonyms for weakness is fatigue, sickness, fragile, & delicate, yet vulnerable is to be exposed, unguarded, and open and we see a person opening up as being a good thing. Almost like an accidental ally in seeing you as someone capable of doing things he never could.

(🚨AUTISTIC SO PREPARE FOR A LONG COMMENT)That's always the tricky part of speaking of people who are still living, to speak on them in videos because it's the possibility of them finding the video. I swear it sounds like we have the same mom, though I haven't heard you mention her reminding you she didn't really want you but found out she was pregnant when it was too late. I was the obedient child yet seen as the bad one, the let down. College graduate and honor student who's never returned home after being kicked out, never asked for money or help and the most successful child yet i'm the one she wishes would get right and stop being so sensitive to her critique. Needless to say I'm no contact. 5:55 THIS!! (and the afraid to do anything part you mentioned later. that's why we were "in line") 6:37 I'm so happy you were seen as something other than your trauma. My first attempt at a diagnosis It was labeled CPTSD over the phone intake and left at that. 10:10 the smell thing is crazy to me because I'm sensitive to sounds and smells. I've always been sensitive to sounds but smells came after losing my sense of smell from a sinus surgery. No more every other month sinus infections but also I can only smell funk and mold lol so only a handful of fragrances and foods actually smell good to me. BUT I ALSO, wanted to ask is she aware that autism is genetic and its likely her or your father who's also undiagnosed and autistic? (again, no contact so I cant tell her "guess what lady? you got it too!!!🤣) 12:43 ok so we are the same person? got it lol ok ill stop now, I hope its not more I want to comment later. if so expect another comment. 13:40 ok you did it lol we are one lol lastly, gosh you're so handsome lol

I see "wanting to know" the same as people who were adopted wanting to know their birth parents. You want to know why you do the things you do and which parent you are most alike. This answers can make life feel a little easier when you realize you were playing the game with the controller unplugged and it was just the demo running the whole time.

Soooo relatable! Thanks for sharing. I have experienced all of this too. Late diagnosed here 🙋‍♀️

This really hit home. I was late diagnosed and struggle to find words to describe my feelings and you just basically nailed it. 🎯 Thank you. 🫂💜💚💛 I subscribed!

Your words sound so familiar to me. The cadence, the strain, the weight of each moment in it's inexplicable complexity. I feel a little less alone now. Thank you.

It was like you were describing my life word for word. 40 and just realizing I'm likely autistic. Learning I'm not the only one and the way I've felt isn't "wrong" has been like the world being lifted off my shoulders. I have my assessment in a month and it is a mix of terror and anticipation. Thank you for sharing, every story like this like another light in what has been a very dark and very lonely pit.

I wonder how many time rain has cought your attention, cuz i just got distracte many times by the *satisfying* sounds

💯👍

Dude!!! I understand everything your are saying. I have recently started researching all this and have come to the conclusion that I need to get tested for autism. It would explain so much in my life. I feel the same way as you and can relate. Thanks for your video. Knowledge is power.

WOW I relate to this- I was/am very much a camouflager, although I do mask. It’s always been easier to try and blend into the background, though. 6:30 I was JUST thinking this before you said it, and YES! Why is this?? I always hated when someone would say, “She talks?!” Etc and act like I shouldn’t have things to say because I was usually quiet. …and you just said the same thing!! 😅 Crazy how we lived so many similar circumstances… I’ve never felt high functioning either- life has always felt like A LOT. Thank you for this video- I’ll be sharing it!

56 years old and this shit resonates hard

8:53 Not directly autism (has to do with the physical comorbidities of the condition), but the hypermobile "one knee at shoulder level while sitting" thing is very recognizable. I did that all the time before age and fat chipped away at my flexibility.

3:08 My church has an autism rate well above baseline, and the non-profit my parents worked for before they retired seems to be majority autistic. Not to mention the entire tech sector and a good chunk of the arts.

Adrian, it takes courage to ask for help and I really hope you still have your car. I'm just seeing this request and want to assist you, but can I get an update first? How are you doing? Have you had any positive changes with your situation yet?

Not trying to hate, good video, but you sitting backwards in the car is really funny to me 😂

I’m sorry you’re going through this 😢 I’m unemployed and don’t make any money; I’d be in a similar situation to yours if it wasn’t for my amazing partner… I just sent you a Kofi. It’s not much but hopefully it can help you out a little. I hope some more people can help you and you can get out of this soon ❤

I’m sorry. I’ve been through a repo and I’m paying my brother’s registration for xmas. The system is grinding most of us down slowly until….

My life finally makes sense, my least favorite thing has been being labelled "rude, cold, asshole" before they've even so much as said hi. Being misunderstood was the biggest challenge for me, and letting people know I have autism has caused me to be more accepted than ever.

❤️

I sent what I can afford Adrian All the best ❤

I wish I could help Adrian I just spent the last of my money on the gas and water bill. I know it's hard honey I wish you all the best. ❤

Thanks you for this video I just got my late diagnose at age 37 and I’m still learning what this all means. But I just had my first experience telling my manger that I am autistic and feeling over whelmed over this, I didn’t know how to handle this and just started to cry. I just felt so humiliated and embarrassed for getting over whelmed at work and looking crazy for crying. I can relate with everything that you are talking about in this video. So now I am on the journey of discovering who I really am and what are my needs so that I can advocate for my self.

What If someone was born normal but the trauma over the years changed there brain and made them neurological,

Thank you so much for sharing. I sub to a few trans channels and must say you are all such lovely people. Indeed the world truly needs you to be your authentic self.

What happened, Adrian? I have that same feeling a lot. But just looking at you made me feel it hasn't (12:22 - as typing this), I was feeling like this isn't being a good day for you at this point. Deep breath. Not alone. The struggle is real... For real. 💖😥🫶🏻🤗💗🙏🏻🕊️✨

Impressively well said man!

BINGO!!! 🎯

Oh, and THIS is hilarious and I concur! This is also my second comment here, so I don't know why it says there aren't any comments yet.

I totally thought the EXACT same thing, if you're referring to the video content I think you are! If so, then we both know which video I'm talking about. I didn't comment on that video, because sometimes silence is the best response to ignorant comments. I kept thinking, as I read their comments, "What's wrong with people? Do they enjoy drama so much that they comment on what they think you said, instead of what you actually said, just to be contrary?" Keep doing what you do and don't let the gnats buzzing your comments be anything more than the mere nuisance of confused people that they are.

It depends on what your support needs are as an autistic individual. A disability is something that significantly impacts how you function in day to day life and daily tasks, if you have high support needs as an autistic person and needs lots of support and guidance on the day to day, it could be considered a disability to you. Autism is such a broad spectrum and a disability is kind of subjective to how your own conditions impact you.

That definition is too broad. Acne is a skin condition 🤷‍♂️ so is anything that is a disorder of structure or function in a human, animal, or plant, especially one that has a known cause and a distinctive group of symptoms, signs, or anatomical changes. Is the definition of a disease. I agree that disease shouldn’t carry a negative connotation .

Loved this. So much of this feels familiar, bringing up old memories from being an undiagnosed kid