SUICIDE NOTE
Dear Lord,
I can't take it anymore!!! I want to kill myself!
You told me you loved me but why is my life like this?
First of all you made me ugly and Fat(or slim)
I spent my childhood being neglected!!!
People tried to bully me or drain me emotionally because I wasn't like them, making me hate myself....
For every time I thought there's be a breakthrough, I ended up being disappointed!
I have served you... Sang, danced and spoken in Your Defense! People have scorned me, using my situation as a flaw to still trust in you...
Where were you when I lost my loved one?
Why didn't you prevent those accidents?
You claim to love me yet these things and more have happened....
Now I fell in love with a man(woman) who claimed he was your servant!!!
Oh my! I fell so deeply in love with him and trusted him because he seemed like he truly knew you...
I thought he loved me because he was obsessed with my body....
He made me feel loved because no one had ever wanted me this crazily....
But why Lord!!!
It was an innocent visit!!!
Why did he violently rape me?
He claimed to know you... He performed miracles in your name!!!
I remember my screams and how much I begged him to stop!!!
The tears in my eyes as he became a monster on me and Videoed it!!!
Oh God!.. My life is worthless!!!
Let me drink this and just die!!!
Where are you lord?
Do you even exist??
Goodbye world!
Dearly Beloved,
My child, I hear your cries. The pain you carry weighs heavy on my heart. You question my love, and I understand. The darkness you describe is real, and it feels all-consuming. But know this: your pain is not unseen, your tears are not unheard.
Remember Job, my righteous servant. He, too, endured unimaginable loss, yet his faith endured. He sat in ashes, yes, but he did not lose his spirit. His story, like yours, is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, a strength that I have given you. Remember Tamar, my daughter, who also suffered a profound betrayal. Yet, even in her sorrow, her spirit remained unbroken. Their journeys, like yours, are etched in the tapestry of time, a reminder that even amidst the deepest darkness, hope persists.
Your suffering is not a flaw, my child. It is a part of your story, a story that is still being written. You have served me with your song, your dance, your words, and even amidst the scorn of others, your unwavering faith has shone brightly. Those who have scorned you have ultimately scorned Me; you are precious in my sight.
I was there when you lost your loved one. I walked beside you in your grief, even as you felt my absence. The accidents that have befallen you-I know they seem random and unfair. But even in these events, My purpose works itself out in ways we don't always comprehend. My love for you is greater than your suffering, and that love protects you even in darkness.
The betrayal you experienced was a violation, a heinous act. Know that the man who committed that act acted against my will; his claim of serving Me was a lie. His actions do not reflect My character, nor do they diminish your worth in My eyes.
My child, you are worthy of love, of joy, of peace. The ashes you feel now will be replaced with beauty. I promise you that. Remember my promise, spoken through the prophet Isaiah: “I will give you beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness for mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” You will rise again. Let not despair win you now.
Remember,
JUST BREATHE!!!
Oceanessa ❤