วีดีโอ

2:46:03 Shit was so hype lmao And you beat him at the dice game!

Beautiful game

Dish washer PTSD courtesy of foulminary(don't know if spelt right or wrong)

This has been my past 6 months with - frankly, the most wonderful partner I've ever had in over 30 years of relationships, most of which were very long-term. She drew up boundaries, but I was the only one that followed them. When she would break them, there always was an excuse at the ready, and I forgave her. Heck, some of them didn't even matter to me; what upset me the more is that all of them were HER clear boundaries that we agreed upon. Nothing I had imposed on her. However, after multiple breakups and make-ups from her side, I did eventually leave after I caught her cheating on me and realizing it wasn't the first time either. She was regularly trying to make me jealous while pointing out that she was just within the outlined boundaries, but acting jealous over me merely talking to a friend. The imbalance in this relationship was off the charts. She put a lot of effort into covering the cheating up not realizing that I had, only by chance, become witness to all of it. I was always there for her, loved her no matter what, tried to anticipate her needs and stand at the ready, helped her make major sources of worry and pain in her life disappear - one minor thing she tanked me, a big one she didn't even bother to tell me it actually worked out - I don't understand how she could not have known that I was still there, being anxious for her about a problem that was long resolved. I still love her now even though she flat out told me "I lied to you and did all these things because I NEED you to hate me" in the very same breath she used to tell me how thankful she is for everything I've given her and that she could have never dreamed to ever receive a love like the one I showed her in a life like hers. She wanted to rid herself of me, so I wouldn't have to suffer. Even though I, out of my own free will, knowing everything we were facing, wanted to stay with her. The one thing she asks of me, to tell her I hate her, I could never do, I love her so goddamn much, but throughout these months she reduced me to a pile of ash and I have no strength left in me. We have not a single step forward to show for on any front, only steps backwards in terms of how the relationship was going. To some degree I have been walking on egg shells around her, but I've always been real to her, honest, told her things that might have been uncomfortable to hear, held things back in the emotional moments to bring them up later - and even then only after carefully considering how to phrase things. As best I could, anyway. And while my friends think of this as a form of censoring my thoughts, I don't think it is because everything I wanted to say, eventually got out. I opened up to her in ways I never did with anyone else, just to show that I am an open book and that she can in fact trust me. That there is nothing to fear when it comes to me. But she weaponized that information in an effort to make me hate her, which was heartbreaking. She would only very rarely engage when I was telling her anything about myself. When I asked her about how she feels about some of the things I mentioned - things that clearly did require her feedback - she just responded with "I don't know what to say.". And these subjects would never get revisited. Oftentimes I felt like I'm talking/writing to a wall, wasn't even sure if she listened, read it :( But sometimes she would say something - a lot later that confirmed that she must have. I have spent ungodly amounts of time trying to, first, figure out what it was she struggled with, then even more time on learning and figuring out how to help her address these problems. I hardly knew anything about BPD except having had an extremely brief, extremely negative experience with someone suffering from a whole lot of other co-morbid conditions,... followed by a good friend of mine that I spoke to about it at the time opening up that he is suffering from it too, but learned to manage it so well that nobody can tell anymore. Throughout this relationship I often thought of him, just admiring what he managed to do. I think through talking she did eventually realize where the issue stemmed from, but simultaneously insisted there was no hope and no helping her. While, from where I am sitting it all makes sense now, the path is so clear. Granted it's long, painful, arduous, but it's there. Yet I couldn't get her to take more than a few steps with me before she ran back. We would talk about how we could address issues we were having, and every time we would make even a little progress I felt like the happiest person on earth, had all my hope renewed, only to find this progress vanish the very next day. It was so disheartening. From what I can tell, she wanted to get better, she truly did, but even with someone by her side it was too hard. Maybe it was the very thing that made it harder. It was a surreal experience, and I still love her so goddamn much, in some ways she's done more for me than any partner has in the past - but she broke me in other ways that I am still struggling to comprehend. I love her, but also hate what she's done to me, what she's taken from me, and also what she's robbed herself of. If something that happened between us that commanded time to think about and process, even though clearly communicated usually was already grounds to set up the next break-up. I can feel your struggle, and hers, and hearing how long the journey can be, how long yours has been so far - it kills me. Knowing that she'd rather suffer on her own, keeping toxic friends around (because they don't care and ARE therefore more consistent) and pushing genuinely good ones away (because they care and do struggle with what is going on a whole lot more) - all because that's a state she's the most comfortable with. I've heard therapists do struggle a great deal to treat clients with these problems, because it is such an uncertain, long, constant up-hill battle with a lot of set-backs. And I feel as a partner with deep emotional involvement, we are facing insurmountable odds. The freakiest part is knowing, that what we as partners are experiencing, must feel very similar to walking a mile in your shoes, only that you had to endure it for so much longer and suffered the consequences for it. And now, after everything, I even struggle to just "be". Towards the end I started having panic attacks that I had to seek help for myself. The way I think has changed, the way I act has changed. The trust issues I had before entering the relationship pale in comparison to what I am dealing with now. I cannot help but constantly wonder how much of what happened between us was even real, what of it she maybe did just to punish herself, or to hurt me. And I have no way of ever knowing because she wouldn't ever open up about it - I don't think she was even able to because I got the impression that a lot aren't conscious decisions - they just happen with the realization of what occurred lagging behind. Leaving no answer for a "why". And the more puzzle pieces now slowly reveal themselves in the aftermath, the more I uncover just how much she has been hiding from me, and for no good reason, mind you; making it so much worse. Life can be so cruel. But I wish you all the best. I don't think anyone who's cared for you and has actually been trying would ever judge you. I don't judge her for that matter. I am just... so... incredibly sad - and disillusioned with this and the world as a whole. The shame, guilt and self-hatred you might feel after an episode, that's just you being disappointed in yourself. I can assure you that any good partner would be very understanding, feel your pain, reassure you and continue to love you. Which in turn you wouldn't understand because it cannot be, making the cycle continue. Why did I write this? Probably the same reason you posted your video. I just wanted to share how the perspective of a partner can look like. Talking about it helps. Now I feel a little better, at least for a short while. When I was talking to friends during that time I often found myself wishing I could talk to my partner the same way. But communication proved to be the biggest hurdle.

The turtle of peace

I actually watched the video on the screen when you released it and I wasn't expecting you to get two videos either but it's also like a reminder

Happy new year

My initial response was "what" when your one said it disconnected also all the edits are amazing

Also have a good day i guess cos for me it's almost midnight

Panda was on the screen

Good morning it still looks good at least I didn't miss out on too much

Good video. Thank you for posting the video on TH-cam.

You are strong hell i go to school with the stress of exams, classmates and some time's friend groups bottling it up but I'm a student and your an adult but even then i imagine it's just as bed if not worse And you have all this over stuff to deal with to be frank i confused at the fact that you can spill out your guts to hundreds as hard as it is and I struggle to talk to friends on a heart to heart so that's a trait i admire

Hey i might not be able to relate especially to at my young age but i wish you well. We all ride the road of life and roads have bumps and potholes we just have drive on and reach the destination

This was a long and fun trip.

Hugs all around.

Fun day. ^^

I NEVER KNEW THE SECRET BLUE SHAPES!? Thank fellow life savior🤧

It was fun being the little spirit, and the big talk we had was amazin'.

Oh my god, thank you for uploading this. I had almost everything, just a few things here and there that I had missed on my own. I was doing this solo over the past couple of weeks and I finally found this last night, which was exactly what I needed to get the final push to the finish.

I just imagine a void super sayin transformation

1:51:38: You guided them to the blue shape, but then jumped down instead of getting it yourself!

Cute date. ^w^

this has been such a lifesaver in mine and my friend's analysis of this series

So kōkei has electricity ether and void. so if she absorbs void would the horns go black and for electricity would they start sparking.

Kōkei becomes workaholic to suppress there emotions or does secret Hunt's

I love the flying princess carry

I loved when the did and how it went like

What world is that?

What community is this ? :)

Justus Lynetta, awesome video keep it up

omg about time i see someone use one of my dmc5 demons avatars XD

this makes me wnat to join you and add a dark souls summon sound which could mean friendly summon or you're being invaded

GYAAAAT

there was a person dancing?

bro IS him?!?! 😨😨

"Don't tell anyone" "☝️🧏"

thanks for the motovation 🙏🙏🙏 FUCK MY STUPID CHUD LIFE 😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇬🇧🇻🇬🇬🇧

8:50...Fuminori Head is Spinning oh god

Yeeeeeeeeeee🥰

The eboy fight of the century

Man you kids are weird 😂 no hate all love

I love when El Bailador came out of nowhere and said "It's dancing time!" and killed me 20 times over

Cool also first

If this isn’t comfort then I don’t know what is! 11/10 friends.

She's Red from Undertale Red. A very old fan game, that intoduce a very cool and strong character, people liked it a lot.

I suck too

🦆👍 (duck approved)

Undertale if Flowey was nice:

Thank you for this video. I recently left a bout of self isolation lasting 12 years. Only recently started opening up again in 2023 but I got nervous about the people I was talkIng to and was about to run away again. I need to stop. Thank you again!