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It's not pathetic. The heart wants what the heart wants. My advice: keeping things from others, whether its by lying or by leaving things unsaid, never leads to any good, say something. If you tell him, it can only go one of two ways, he reciprocates and you find your fears were for naught, or he you rejects you and you have to deal with the heartbreak. The good news is, in either case its an opportunity for growth. An opportunity to learn things about yourself and to learn to express those feelings if and when they come again. Having your heartbroken and not just surviving it, but seeing yourself come out wiser and a better person because of it, is so empowering and enlightening. Personally, I felt so accomplished and invincible when I went through something similar. Keep your head up, and don't listen to anyone that says to keep your heart guarded in light of this. We can't truly live life without love. I wish for you, the love and understanding that your heart yearns for...

I think you already know the answer... Enough time has been spent living in uncertainty, ask him when you guys can meet up and allow him to speak, if he doesnt want to meet up or doesn't explain to you his feelings and concerns then he has no respect for you at all, im a man, and even if my feelings are complicated at times i wouldn't let "other people" come between me and a girl i have feelings for, if he cared enough he wouldnt leave you in uncertainty for this long. Also, you dont hate yourself, you've just lived a life that has had repeated failure in the things you tried, i live this life too and this thing with him is just a simple remembrance of all past failures, a sad and frustrating feeling that has built up inside, its not a massive issue, its just a reminder that you've been falling but haven't given up, for that you can be proud of. You seem to carry a lot with you that isnt serving you or your health in a positive way. I hope it works out for you and you finally get what you want but if this door closes with him then its an eye opener to focus on yourself and spend more time finding the love you once had for yourself and for the world around you. Sorry you feel this way right now but us being here shows we can overcome much more than we think, we have moved passed what was once the "worst moment" in our lives, so this is just another hurdle that you will overcome as well, you're strong enough.

Guys, don't get your hopes up looking at the title, we're not the ones she wants 😅

i dont know you but i'm in a rough spot too all i can offer are my words , just hang in there move forward take it one day at a time cry smile feel all those emotion because we are humans we are not weak just circumstances are weak i'll fight along with you in some other part of the world this my chrismtas card to you so a merry christmas

Don’t drink!, worst habit ever I know from experience.

I hope you are doing well jay

I think you're such an amazing person with so much to offer. I also am into painting and I do photography. I'm rooting for you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕💕💐💐💐💐

왓???

You are so beautiful 💐💐💐❤️❤️❤️

just found your channel, a lot of what you say is very relatable to me, its insane how much people around the world can be so different yet live a similar reality. I didn't expect to see what i saw on your instagram lol but after scrolling pass all of that i found your art and i think its great, i also do art or used to do art and i see a lot of expression placed on the canvas, its the kind of paintings that are meant to be felt, i think going through this sadness you're feeling you might wanna lean on your art and express some of those emotions that are kept inside i think it'll help a lot, i also listened to your singing and it sounds really good the comments says you improved a lot so well done to you and keep going! I think you're a very interesting person and your eyes holds many stories, just like me we have a lot of potential and dream a lot, we are good at creating things but haven't found our direction yet and this makes us feel hopeless and sad, to see everyone happy and do something that they're good at, sometimes i wish it were me, but i think our journey will lead us to something exciting and unexpected, some days i feel defeated but i know i have to keep going because i cant see the future so its not fair towards myself to give up on life when my happy day might be ahead waiting for me, this is some hope i keep in my heart, so the pain that i currently feel will not remain because each day im stronger than i was yesterday and each day im alive im closer to seeing my happy day. i wish you the best and i am excited to see you make it as a model, just as you improved your singing so you also have the strength to accomplish anything else you dream off. I think there's many people like us so from my heart I'll encourage you to never give up on any of it because im not giving up either 💙

Perfect angle to adore you 🙂 - hope you are doing well.

Life after a breakup. I've been living it for the past year. Lonely empty feeling

One day All the sorrow shal pass!

Hi,you are numero uno, #❤1

Conflict was the perfect word. My heart aches for you... I relate to you. Too many people can relate to you. I know sometimes it can feel like a relief to hear you're not alone, but then other times it can feel even worse. I'm just sorry. I'm so sorry you're in this position. I often think similar thoughts along the lines of just pretending my way through life, that maybe I'll grow accustom to it, and it won't hurt anymore. But I know from experience how painful it was, and I have doubts about it being different the next time, for some reason. I'm scared for you to not find something that fulfills you, at least sometimes. Does sharing your stories on TH-cam help alleviate any of the mental constriction at all? If finances are something that is most draining to you, if you currently have health insurance, seeing doctors and being up front about any fears and depression you might be experiencing will be an important step to at least someday maybe getting assistance from the government. Of course, I'm not sure where you live... maybe you don't have social programs where you reside. But if you have any questions, please feel free to ask. My life on disability is not happy, necessarily, but there are things I have to worry about a little less, from day to day, than before.

Do you think perhaps you might have a disability such as Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? :/ Those can have things like flare-ups and stress-related triggers.

Hello, I would consider to find out if you have inattentive ADHD. Because I do and can totally relate to you. I have a chronic cough which disappears when I take ritalin or atomoxetine and I can finally breathe. I send you virtual hugs. 🫂

Sending you love ❤️

Life has taught me to learn how to suppress the thoughts of wanting... because you are correct: we can't always get what we want. The journey is what matter in life. Try not to think of the END goals, but be happy in the work you perform to REACH your goals. There is always sunshine after a storm, so just learn to ride the storm.

Well you need to start somewhere, to execute on your ideas you need to learn the skills if you can't hire the expertise at the moment. It's not just putting in the effort, it takes belief in yourself. You need some me time, where you just do nothing and reflect on yourself, you especially look at the stuff that you don't wanna look at, the lies that you don't even know that you've been telling yourself because you've been telling them for so long. Beyond that you're very vague, so it's kinda hard to counsel you. You need to direct your creativity, if you don't believe in yourself or in your ability your mind is gonna start to get away looking for the next thing to distract you. That's internal, you need to fix what's in your mind, the problem isn't you, it's what you can't see about yourself. And you're not born with purpose, you make it out of your past and once you've got a thing that gets you upbeat you stick to it and you ride with it. It's like marriage, but it's a commitment to yourself. There's no perfect project or business, just like there's no perfect partner. You will have failures and mental breakdowns, it's hard. So is life, but you don't get through it if you don't put every once of faith that you've got into yourself. Mindfulness, tantra, hypnosis or prayer can help you, because it forces you to look at what you're ignoring. You can see how far you are from fully trusting yourself and assess your progress. I can tell you that you were further away 5 years ago than you are now, even if you've procrastinated and think that you've wasted that time. You've grown older with yourself and know things that you didn't. You've got this, you're smart. However you feel within your body you take it as it is and you make it into something, you mold it, gently, you just need to switch off your brain sometimes and to give your mind a rest. Whatever is in your head about yourself is probably not true. If you ask somebedy else they'll perceive you differently. Your dreams are passion, they're never gone, sometimes you need to revisit them and it all fits together, they're not disconnected from one another, they also evolve and you start to know what you want more. They push you into that one drive for life. I've been miserable for most of mine, that's not where this ends. Self image is tricky, one coincidence and you think that you're the center of the universe, that you're messed up or that you've messed up everything. But you've got to keep trusting and to keep trying untill you find that passion again. Because it's all your mind tricking itself into settling for less to protect itself. I love you and I believe in you! You deserve to feel that same love and that same trust for yourself.

You're so beautiful, just like the Pink Floyd discography. <3

I`ve had my heart broken. I loved her but she didn`t love me. I found new love.

You are my #1. Tonight I will be with #2, #3 and #4. I am a legend in my dreams.

You look like a girl who needs to be taken care of and fed tiramisu right now💔You are the number one❤‍🔥

I don't think that the opposition between "having ideas" and "having skills" actually is a real opposition. Both elements are very close. And you learn skills constantly in your life. And sometimes new ideas come with getting new skills. And vice versa. But I guess you are especially talking about the skills to earn money. And those are often very... well... let's say "focused". And it seems so robot-like to get trained to do a certain job. I agree. It's like being programmed. And especially for someone who likes to be creative and having all kinds of ideas this seems almost like a mind-prison. Right? And it hurts. And I have the feeling this is what I noticed partly in this video? A pain because feeling forced to kind of sell your soul? In my opinion one goal could be to find a job that is not too bad for you. This is already not so easy and I assume that the majority of people in the world don't have this luck. Most people do a job they actually don't like or even do really hate. But it is possible to find a job that is at least OK/neutral. Or that even makes fun. But it's not easy. Especially if you don't have that much support and have bad luck in your love interest and with your family and may even have the feeling that everybody who claims to want to support you in the end wants something from you in return. And wants something you don't want to give. I am an older guy living in Germany. I never quite found what I was looking for. Not in terms of love interest and not in terms of work. But somehow I kept my balance most of the time. I see myself more like an Alien who struggles with a lot that humans seems to desperately want. In the end I think everybody needs a bit luck. Some people don't find it. Some do but miss it. Some get too much of it and can't handle it and somehow get broke psychologically. Lot of people need drugs to somehow push aside all the shit in their head they know is not really good for them. I usually don't like to give advice cause in the end everybody has to find out him/herself how to deal with life. And life is a bitch. Really. But I think one important element is really: Try to let out your feelings. If you wanna cry and scream... take your pillow and scream into it. And then move on and try to find some pieces in the world that make you feel OK or even good. Find a hobby. Make a dream to "only" a hobby. Find a few people you do like. Find a true love would of course be the paradise on earth. But having a few friends also can help a lot. And if you see that a job or person or environment is too hurting for you accept it that it doesn't match. And go on searching. I know this is hard. How often can you invest in totally new things in life? But you have some assets. Skills but also just elements of your personality that are like they are. And there will come further skills. And many, many ideas. And dreams. Write them down. Or make a list. About the line in the end. There is a very old English rock band called "The Rolling Stones" - they did a slow song called "you can't always get what you want" - and its just so easy and true... but its good to remember yourself about it here and there. The song goes on with "but if you try, sometimes, well, you might find you get what you need". I wish you as much energy as possible to go on trying.

Don’t worry baby your my number 1 girl

Number 1 from China

the teacher has a girlfriend already?

Just buy a cheap RV or cargo van n ur life will get much more affordable, enjoyable and freedom happiness of life

Jay, we can't wait to hear more about what your life is like now. You've changed so suddenly and it's fascinating to observe

the video is relaxing. thanks

Lovely neck

I noticed FIVE little smiles. In one video! This is almost too much 😇🙃 Hope you are well enough and wish you so much more joy and happyiness in your life. I am sure you will find it 🙂

Great video! Glad to see you out enjoying yourself!

0:39 the fleeting moment of joy when you showed the first scoop of the tiramisu :D

Cute💗

This was 5:24 well spent, every time you move your hair to eat, my heart beats extra fast, so adorable. I look forward to more clips of you enjoying life.

I write this to You to bring You Eternal Hope from far away."The Rapture"- is A Truly Real Future Biblical Christian Worldwide Event in which Millions of Living True Christian Believers shall be "Transported" into Heaven to meet The Creator Of The World/The Maker Of The World/The Lord Himself and they shall be with him Forever and ever.Also in addition to "The Rapture" another Truly Real Future Biblical Christian Worldwide Event called "The First Resurrection" will also take place,which will "Resurrect" All-Dead True Christian Believers and will also "Transport" them into Heaven to meet The Creator Of The World/The Maker Of The World/The Lord Himself and they shall be with him Forever and ever! "The Rapture" collects All-Living True Christian Believers,while "The First Resurrection" collects All-Dead True Christian Believers.The Dead True Christian Believers shall rise first and then both:The Dead and The Living True Christian Believers shall Together be Transported into Heaven to be Together with The Christian God and to be Rewarded accordingly by The Christian God! This is not a joke.I have seen "The Signs" and these words are "True and Correct".Remember!Jesus Christ said:“You don’t have to wait for the End.I am right now,Resurrection and Life.The one who believes in me,even though he or she dies,will live.And everyone who lives believing in me does not ultimately die at all.Do you believe this?”

I think something like this should definitely be included in your repertoire. Just a vlog of you chilling, eating, keeping us all up to date on what's going on at the moment. I think that would be good to add in!

Is he maybe insecure about what you do and conflicted in his feelings? Maybe im reaching, but ive seen that often.

❤

I know that you're heartbroken. But it will get better even if you don't believe me. Time heals all wounds.

your a person going through a real human experience. the pain is real. pain doesn't last forever. try to do things that bring you happiness, even if its small.

Heartbreak seems to have made you even more beautiful

It's easy, just go up to him and confess all your feelings to him. Simple :)

Although I can hear Jay’s voice when reading the subtitles in my imagination, I still do miss it

Heartbreak fucking sucks

One van only be loyal to oneself, and in so doing, you are loyal to others. Loyalty is not merely instinctual, it is an expression of self respect, which you earn through caring enough about your self or something to be disciplined.

I like this new format - no speak but just your calm, serious, beautiful face... and some text. Sorry that you are "rejected" but... that's something almost everybody gets into a few time in the life. It's really hurting and so absurdly intense. I am really sorry for you. But it would be the best if you try to move on - as hard or even impossible it may sound. Especially when this is something you never experienced before in this intensity. Try to let out your emotions. Cry into your pillow - scream into it. Let the pain out. It will decrease slowly. And don't try to think to much - especially not in terms of "right" and "wrong". As long you don't kidnap him and try to force him... almost everything is OK. But moving on and accept that you had bad luck this time would be the best, although it seems so hard. And feel yourself one step closer in becoming a normal human being 😎 One personal sidenote: There are plenty of people who NEVER had a love affair (or even long time relationship) with somebody they fallen in love with. Many have relationships to those they "like"... but never really had such an intense feeling. You are young. Take your time. And you are a beautiful woman. Men are rather easy "built". Yes - there are many men who just can't get closer to you because of life circumstances (like a teacher?) or there are still some men that just don't feel attracted by you. But many definitely are! Finding an intense love affair is a bit like dice rolling. It's a statistical thing. Its luck. This time you had bad luck. Maybe next time again. Maybe the time after again. But you will VERY likely have a lucky hit if you don't give up. Wish you all the best 🙂

In this video you answer your own question. The only art that matters is that which you must do. You say you must write and sing. All art requires dedication. People with talent are a dime a dozen, only those who dedicate their lives to art are real artists, the rest are hobbyists and dilletents. Impatience is demonic egotism. One does not negotiate with the muses, you get out of the way and become the instrument. Get out of your head. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. Thinking is the door to self doubt and rationalizing. Stop trying to control your Muse, seek out a vocal teacher in person someone who will teach and encourage. Stop beating yourself up and give yourself the gift of patience and support like you would for someone you love.