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***** That's what G lives on - 5/6 hrs a night. My Dad used to survive on 4hrs (But fall asleep in various chairs all weekend lol) I'm doing so much reading about the science of sleep & apparently it's not uncommon for people to feel tired when the 'oversleep' - goes against everything logical! I NEED to make my follow-up video for this, it is not going well! I was so hopeful! The important thing is that I'm not going to stop trying - I just need to figure out what's getting in my way. Thanks for watching xx

***** It's a fuckiing amazing tool!! I just wish I remembered to use it more - need to write it on some post-it's around my house I think! I think everyone could benefit from it :) Thanks for the support, as always Beth :) xx

musesandmustangs Thanks for watching :) Yup - I call it 'Anxitement' lol - I really agree - the mind goes into anticipatory anxiety the minute I get my make-up bag out!

ShalomAleichem I'm having such a bad time recently - especially with the though "I'm never going to get better' 'I'm not getting anywhere' - Which I know logically is at least partly untrue - I just watch my 1st few videos & can see a difference in myself.. but logic doesn't win over the anxiety beast unfortunately! I did a lot of facing/pushing through anxiety this week - really hard back to basics stuff - but know the downside all too well of giving into my urse to escape. It's bloody hard but it's all I know how to do right now so I hope my brain is listening! I'd love to see you do some exposure videos :) They're actually a great way of reinforcing to your brain that you achieved something. I used to do a lot more 'in the field' filming - filming during the exposure & then I'd come home & do a little sit down recap chat. I've noticed I haven't done that in ages now - I just do the sit down & talk about it - I feel filming part of the actual exposure is so much more interesting & important .. I need to practice again myself! If you're nervous about filming in public I totally understand - that in itself makes you uncomfortable! But I learnt to just think 'if anyone looks at me they'll just think I'm video chatting with someone' - I found that pretty useful. plus it's unlikely that I'm ever going to see them again so I try my hardest not to care what people think - could be a college project for all they know! :) I'd start slow - you don't even need to talk to the camera at first - just capture a few shots of the place you go, don't even have to show your face - I once filmed my feet walking onto a bus haha! Good luck & let me know if you try it! (Sorry if none of that was useful!) xx

No, that was SO useful! Thank you for such a great response! I'll take these things into consideration when I get a chance to do an exposure video. :)

ShalomAlechim Thank-you so much! I watched some of your videos - I love your positive attitude! I've never heard of RPT - must look into it. Thanks for subscribing - that makes me smile on a gloomy day :) xx

No problem! I honestly don't know how it took me so long to find you and subscribe haha! :)

***** Thanks Beth :) I can't believe it went so fast.. so weird. I start my PTSD work next week - haven't a clue what o expect so that's scary. I love your 3 tasks a day idea & I never remember it! Yes - G is so much better as being realistic with schedules buuut he can also get 10 times as much stuff done! He's lived with me long enough to know my limitations I think so will defo use your advise, thanks :) xx

Daniel Young Thanks so much :)

***** I'm working of building confidence (In general) in therapy at the moment & obvs it's very hard but also - I suck at it! Because my first mental response to your comment was "meeeep my hair looks shit because it's too straight" - ridiculous right? Seeing as you clearly said you liked it first! I hate my brain. I always wear it super straight or tied up because it just won't do anything else besides be naturally cury in the most hideous way - seriously - they are not lovely beach waves - just frizzy puppy curls!! I've tried loads of texture product but It just ends up looking like I've been pulled backwards through a bush - not tousled & cool... I wish I could do more with it. It's super thin too, which doesn't help, I thought about getting a blow dry but they're still around $50 which I just recoil in horror from ha! Good idea though, thanks :) xx

No more hiding Jess It doesn't look shit at all, that super sleek look is awesome! It's too much for me though, I rely on the messy textured look because its way easier. I'm a lazy hair person so mine never looks as nice as yours does because I can never be bothered to get it to go all smooth! You can definitely do more with it, the texture products are a bit scary to begin with as you feel - exactly as you said - like you've been dragged through a bush. Eventually, you get to the point where you embrace that look and it's all good! Mine is thin/fine too, hence my love of the volume-y products. What shampoo/conditioner are you using at the moment? Is it good? Do I need it? I guess the cost of a blow dry there works out about the same as it does here - it's about £25 in most blow dry bars here. I googled blow dry bars in Toronto and they go as low as $35 which is a bit better than $50 but not much! Good to know the option is there for you though. It's not something I do that often, but I like the idea. "Hi person, please make my hair look less shit that it does right now, thank you" type thing lol xx

***** I'm even worse with admin on this channel - I need 1 day a week to get into the habit of interacting with this side of YT! It's so important to me! I know when my hair was shorter it was easier to accept a bit of texture but I never bought special products - really should of! I'm trying to grow it out now, despite liking it shorter & as soon as it's long enough it just gets tied back = pointless! How straight is your natural hair? You've seen how curly mine is now lol. It is really hard to go from poker straight for years to playing with texture - I just don't know what I'm doing at all! My favourite shampoo & conditioner ever is Kerestase bain miroir (Definitely spelt all of that wrong,) It's the Pink bottles, for sensitized or coloured hair - I got sold up on it after my first time going neon Pink & OMG the Masque is MAGIC. Do I use it now? Of course not - spend money on something actually worthwhile? Ridiculous. I Really need to reivest in that stuff but 1 bottle of each would run me over $100 here - that's what's putting me off but I care about my hair so I'm being silly - that's the price of 2 tops that I'd buy in a heartbeat. Yes I'm going shopping asap!! At the mo I'm ashamed to say I'm using baby shampoo & loreal keratin smooth conditioner - neither are any good for me!. Imma shut up now xx

I clicked a button and Google+ ate my comment. All 4 paragraphs of it. Ugh. My hair is naturally poker straight too, it takes loads of effort to get a wave/curl to stay in it so mostly for texture I go hardcore on the dry shampoo and just rough it up a bit. I'm using a few Kerastase bits at the moment - the Bain Crystalliste shampoo (love!) and conditioner (hate!) and the Masque Therapiste which I also hate because it has that old lady floral smell. I've got a balm thing which has gold shimmers in it that I love too! I think I'm going to try the one Chroma Riche or possibly the Chronologist ones next - I'm on a hair product no-buy until my next hair appointment so I can have a little splurge then. I can't believe how expensive the products are for you! Thats insane! I suppose they are fairly pricey anyway and the exchange rate just makes it nasty. I remember seeing a YT video recently that said that the Elvive range is very similar to the Kerastase because its the same parent company etc. If I can find the video I'll send you a link xx

Sbarry25 Aw thank-you hun x I'm sorry you've been treated badly in the past by haidressers - you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable because of your hair type! Mine is really thin,,, I went for years without getting it cut at one point & it was a WRECK - damage as heck & about 3 different colours because of colour grow-out. I was glad to get someone who just took it in their stride when I said I'd not had it cut because I've been ill & I'm scared of salons. They treated me well & it felt SO good to have all the damaged part cut off! It was like a feeling of progress that I could actually see (if that makes sense) Did you get it cut? xx

I did get it cut! Thanks for the inspiration :)

*****​ they started this craziness about mid or early last year. Sometimes it was glitchy but now it's set.

*****​ it makes youtube watching sort of weird in a way. This really started when Google bought youtube.

***** exactly!

***** I am getting "hand massages" when you reply to me lol! Google is weird heehee!

***** I need to check mine out. Too many weird updates eh!

***** I think you hit the nail on the head with the control thing - even in Sbux I get everything in take-out packaging in case of a quick escape :/ Omg touch screens sound awesome!! xx

familyfirst287 It was so crazy! They'd given us the wrong date so the new people didn't join the group for another week! You'd think I'd have been relieved but I ended up having the most anxious session so far :( I met the new people yesterday.. I am going to make a video about it because it was quite the experience lol but I did do better than I thought. I'm going to finish editing that original video & see how long it ends up at - I recorded it was back in October or domething? It's not really time-sensitive it's just something I really want to talk about involving having 2 channels & being paranoid about people's perception :( Thanks as always for the support N! xx

No more hiding Jess oh that sounds interesting to hear that but take your time your truest fans will understand ;)

familyfirst287 I still feel very passionate about this channel & that's why it upsets me when I don't post for ages but still post on the other - I found this channel so cathartic to film for & I mustn't forget that!

***** meeeeeep? I just watched this back to try & find the connection behing a fuzzbot circus & this video & couldn't find anything lol now all I can picture is the cats being in the shitest cat circus ever because they are so uncooperative haha!

rose love Thanks so much :) It was awful as the people didn't start until the following week but all in all I've still stick out both weeks & am making a video about the one yesterday!

familyfirst287 Why the heck can I reply to you on this channel but not my other one?!! That's beyond weird! Anyway, thanks very much hun, I was proud of this achievement!

No worries! I'm here how ever you need to get a hold of me

***** Haha the fuzzies are such camera ho's ;) Thanks Beth! (A month later I read this but it still means just as much!) I hope I can be more consistent on both channels in 2015 - I don't like one taking over the other you know? I worked so hard on the content for this channel & it's this that gave me the confidence to start the other - I feel like I'm neglecting the poor thing! (Even though I'm editing a video for it tonight lol) xx

rose love Thanks so much :) I will be stopping by your channel!

great, thanks

Sbarry25 Hehe! Thanks lovely :) It was a lot of fun & the kitties seem to love the camera ha! xx

***** Awww dang! I wish I'd seen this earlier - I'd love to see you with some Red streaks for fun! (Although check for colour-stain first because of work lol) I will never ever bleach again.. well, not anywhere near the scalp anyway grrrr I'm so mad that I didn't report the salon at the time, scarred for life, literally & emotionally. Getting my hair cut here has been so hard - I know I vlogged one experience & never got it edited. I need it cut really bad at the mo but the fear has returned after a rough few weeks :( xx

I didn't get around to the red streaks and I'm back at work on Friday so looks like I've missed my chance this year - never mind! Sorry your hairdresser fear is back, hopefully after new year is out of the way you'll have some time to relax without so many things to do and you'll feel better xx

***** That's so mean to make you go back in for one flipping day!! mean! :( x

***** I'm the same with vlogging - I've got used to the odd looks & just think Eff off. I still feel a little awkward but I don't stop vlogging because there are people around. I've tried filming with Gary in the room but It's impossible unless he's part of the video or if I'm vlogging around the house - then he tends to get in the video anyway so it feels ok! xx

***** LOL I swear one day I will catch my tail with these comments & you won't get a barage of replies at once!! (Totally read that as 'Nice Boobs' & got really confused as to how they'd know what was going on bahaha I'm of my trolley now, think I'll shut up!) Ooh I've not tried Google drive yet x

Definitely try Google Drive. You get 15GB of storage I think, so thats more than Dropbox. x

***** I've not finished reading it yet but I really want the audiobook too because she read it herself arrrrrr!

***** Aw hun - again, wish I'd seen this earlier :( Statistically they say everyone is likely to have at least one panic attack in their life - it's how you react to it that makes the difference. Unfortunately I was so terrified after my 1st one (didn't help that no-one diagnosed it to put my mind at ease) that I developed panic disorder. If you can just move on after carry one with what you were doing then it your best shot at not ending up plagued by them. hope that made sense. I'm so sorry you were feeling that terrible - I hope you've not had those feelings again & if it was work-stress related then I can only hope that things will improve for you there xx I lurrrrrre puzzles! I've got about 12 already, will look into Orb - I just want loads!

***** Buggery bollocks. It's not on Android - really pisses me off when that happens!

Oh no, thats such a shame. It's pretty but I'm about 11 levels in and frustrated that I'm stuck so maybe not a terrible loss! Yeah, was a bit of a scary time but I seem to have recovered okay (touch wood) so hopefully it's a one off. It was an exceptionally stressful time at work, hopefully 2015 will be better!

***** Glad to hear you're feeling better x I hate getting stuck on games lol. I was stuck on a Candy Crush level for 3 months once, I gave up & then randomly had a go & passed it. It's all random that game - nothing to do with skill! Here's hoping 2015 is a lot less stressful for you Beth! xx

Sbarry25 I'm so sorry you had that happen, such a horiible story & such a similar experience! I can't believe she blamed you - bang out of order. I can still feel scar bumps too (can't remember if I said in the video) & the do sting if I use certain products :( Thanks for watching my crazy lump of videos! I then disappeared for ages oops! xx

***** Thanks so much! It's such a great book - I got mine signed on the page about anxiety & she was SO lovely to me!

***** Thanks Beth! I just got one uploaded & another on the way, yay :) xx

Yay! :) xx

***** Hahahaaaaa look at my stupid face in the thumbnail! I think Vlogmas has taught me a lot! I think I can actually say I can make a better thumbnail than this now lol (Only because of Manshape's template help!)

***** I am crapping myself waiting for fairy lights eeeeep!!! Sorry you're having a shit time hun :( Hope the audiobook is inspiring? I love audiobooks but haven't listened to one for a while. Grace's book is available as an AB :) The signing isn't till next week - convinced I won't get in! xx

If I can get this one as an Audiobook then I need to have a look for that, fingers crossed you get in on Wednesday. It's not til 7pm so maybe you can get there early and queue. It's not something I often advocate but it might be worth it for this! Things are slowly starting to brighten up, one of my friends posted on Instagram that Mercury was in retrograde for October so that was obviously what caused everyone to have a crap time! November will be better! xx

Sbarry25 Thanks lovely! I really hope I get into the signing :) So is your email still ok to send to? xx

Thanks hun, Can't believe I got Strep throat on top of the virus just a few days after posting this! I've been indoors for days & it's driving me bonkers gah! I ended up having to miss my 1st appointment with the new therapist because I can't leave the house - very disappointed as I want to get it over with, makes me nervous! Yes... it's always exhausting no matter what type of therapy I do... gearing up for another one is daunting xx

I hope they're investimigating all your symptoms properly lovely, you've been poorly for a while so they need to be checking everything out really thoroughly. We need you back and better and out and about! Especially this time of year. There will soon be gingerbread lattes to be drunk and christmas lights to be squee-ing at! xx

***** PEPPERMINT MOCHAS OMG!!! (Just got full on hyper & starte squeaking at Manshape about finding some lights to hang early! I've had so many tests - even a chest X-ray. I was told to get an MRI on my throat if it got any worse but thankfully I finally managed to get 2 nights sleep & it seems to really have made a difference - they were worried about a possible abscess.. ick! Thanks for caring :) xx

You're welcome - it sounds like you've had a crap time of it lately so I just want you to be better soon! I'm now fully into decoration purchasing - I have a haul going up on Wednesday with a few christmas things in it. SO EXCITED!!! xxx

Jeez I've been even more slow on this channel, eek! That app sounds amazing!!! Defo looking into something like that! I've not even edited the last 2 sleep week vlogs gaaaah... I hope I get back in the gym when I'm better - I'm determined to beat that bike!!

I think Wunderlist is probably your best bet. The other one I found and really like is the one from the people who make Real Simple magazine in the US, but it looks like its iOS only, which is sad :( You'll totally beat the bike, but getting better is numero uno priority right now. When you feel physically better, you'll feel mentally better too (because the poorly will be draining you) and maybe then you can think about it. No rush though. xx

***** I'm sure I replied to this.. how odd. I'm getting Wunderlist - It looks so good! I'm still going to wait a bit to attack the bike again but it's going to happen! xx

Omg you can edit a video in an hour?! It takes me 4+ hours even for a sit down video... especially now I've become obsessed with making custom thumbnails! Thanks for the support & yes - these kind of friends are so hard to find, I'm so grateful. Isn't BVFB the funniest?!! He cracks me up because he's such a softie but manages to look like a Don ha! This was the video where I had no idea that they were behind me & it made editing very amusing! xx

Yeah, a sit down/only taken me 10 minutes to film/didn't fuck up too much video I can do in under an hour now. I have templates saved in GIMP (like photoshop but free) for my title card so I just change the name of the video, then my little video end thing is saved as one single video so all the end cards, animation and music are already done and so I just have to drag and drop that one video in at the end. So then its just a case of fiddling with the actual footage and making the thumbnail which is the worst bit because I always forget to take a separate picture and end up having to try and find a still from the video to use where I don't look like I'm having a seizure. BVFB is adorable and he has the best cat name ever. It must have been really fun to edit and see them behind you - it probably made the editing process more fun! xx

***** I never thought of taking a separate photo for a thumbnail! Genius! I LOLLED at your comment - I make the biggest derp faces constantly so It takes me ages to make a thumbnail too! I have my start & end cards rendered out too but editing still takes me forever... when I'm filming I'm never thinking about editing after - at Buffer Festival they did a screening where they talked about that & one guy said he vlogs with intention to edit in his mind - so leaves big pauses, almost plans what he's going to say in a clip first - it made a lot of sense but I just babble away so it'll be a learning curse (I'm totally leaving that typo there haha!) learning CURVE for a while for me I think! I wish BVFB had stayed his official name - we ended up with a proper normal name for him lol but he's still BVFB online! xx

Hi, Sorry I didn't reply sooner - I've been really un-well. I hope you made it to your following sessions ok? I stayed in CBT for a year but it helped me SO much - I learnt what was going on in my body & it honestly gave me a piece of my life back. I still have a way to go but I never regret going to CBT for that long - I never would have made this channel or have some of the friends I do now. I was completely agoraphobic at the start.. now I'm not. I wish you well in your therapy!

It's all been uphill since that session I was dreading. I told him how anxious I was and he encouraged me to feed the anxiety and try to let the attack happen. For me it was trying to keep control desperately and that was feeding the panic, we worked through letting go of the control thoughts and actually saying out loud the opposite eg "I am going to panic and it will never stop" multiple times until the panic crested. I thought I would run screaming from the room and never return, but as it turns out I just broke down emotionally and a minute or so later I could feel the panic receding and I felt much better. It was such a difficult step but an extremely important one on my path. I only have about 3 sessions left and feel uneasy about going it alone without the therapist but i'm already doing more than I thought I could and each time I push my boundaries grow. Feels really, really good. It's hard to get across to other people how much progress i've made, dizziness has been a phobia since before I was a teenager, and even turning 1 revolution would make my anxiety start to spike. Now, I send videos of myself doing 15 spins and not panicking and family and friends don't get what a massive deal that is. I guess it's the same for all of us to some extent... Dentist for me tomorrow, it will be a challenge.

How rude of me, I meant to say - I hope you're feeling better and I wish you well too! :)

Matthew J Wow! I'm so happy to hear you are making so much progress :D That sounds like a hardcore technique but ultimately extremely important for you - you seem to have found a great therapist. I'm giving you a virtual high 5 for tolerating dizziness - I also get terrified when I get dizzy (which happens multiple times a day) that's so awesome you can go 15 times now! A lot of people won't really understand why that's an achievement unless they've been through it or are just very understanding - that's when I find online community support helps so much, because you'll find people who just get it. Hope the dentist went ok!

No more hiding Jess Dentist went the best it's ever gone. I'm up to 20 spins now, doing various techniques at the end to realise none of them matter. It doesn't matter what I say to myself or even if i scream in terror pretending the worst has happened and i've gone insane from the fear (embarrassing doing this in session!), ultimately letting go of control and facing all the scary thoughts was all it took! How are you Jess?

OMG it's letting me reply to you lol! I have no idea the cats are there half the time - it's so funny when I go to edit & see all this cat action in the background!!

No more hiding Jess no worries I'm here for you in more ways than one 😀! I need to get caught up on alot of things and soon! I'm getting ready to go to school and I'm so happy! I'm glad both you and me are finding ways to happiness in one way or another in life! We can do it! Golly I'm super stoked right now can you tell! Heehee

No more hiding Jess squishy belly rubs and kisses to the fur kiddos too!

familyfirst287 Oh my gosh, how exiting! What are you going to study? That's awesome, very happy for you :) xx

No more hiding Jess computer science! How befitting right!?

Hi lovely, sorry I'm just doing my replies to my videos, I've been really unwell recently & still am (Mono & Strep Throat) When I filmed this video I had no idea the cats were there half the time - it was so funny to edit!! ;) I still have that video for you but I got some emails from your account that seemed like spam? I didn't know how else to contact you - I now realise I should have just come on here! Hope you're doing ok x

Thanks so much Beth :) There is indeed a day 3,4&5! I filmed these last month & *spolier alert* it goes downhill eek! I'm still going to edit & post them as I like to finish a project if I've started it & it's still got important information just for myself on where I went off course & what I can change to achieve this goal in the near future! xx

No, YOU ROCK!! ;) Thanks for the support Emilybelle! xx

I swear I replied to this, how odd! Thanks for the support, as always sweetheart xx

I swear I replied to this comment too,,, what's going on Youttube?!! ;) I want to start using my gratitude journal more, or even making this a more frequent video format. It always seems to help to look for good things in my life when I'm able to xx

Thanks Naomi xx

Sbarry25 I can't seem to take your other channel... is it still running? Of course, I'd love to see your video like this - I think it's a great idea even as a regular video (one a week, month etc) idea for anyone :) And Yay Cats lol! xx

I actually decided today, that I won't be continuing with my channel. I find it so difficult to speak clearly. Once I start talking infront of the camera, I ramble and make no sense LOL. I might start a blog instead, as I do enjoy writing. But I will always be a loyal subscriber of your channel, i love your videos and admire your ability to speak so honestly, as well as adding bits of humor too. Take care x

Sbarry25 Oh I'm sorry to hear you won't be making videos anymore but you must do what you feel comfortable with. A blog is a great idea :) Thank-you for the kind words about my channel, I appreciate your support! xx

***** Thanks lovely! This may sound silly but I'd not even considered using a scent to reinforce bedtime - I have the Origins Sensory therapy peace of mind balm - I might try that! Thanks for the offer - not sure we get "this works" but I'll keeps my eyes open, thanks for the tips - they're great! I'm going to try & find that lifehacker article, sound like a good plan too. I love your comments, always helpful :D

Babes, I love you so much! You literally say things that I think hehehe

Andrew Shirley Thanks hun! Good to see you :) I need to watch this back lol xx

Hahaha! Yes! High 5 for Crystal maze understanding :D Thanks so much for your support - it was really hard to start this channel but it's helped me so, so much - almost like self-therapy!

It was a crazy day for sure - I was in shock afterwards when I tried to take in what I'd done. I'm sorry you are feeling more agoraphobic :( I take medication every day but I've been on it for a while now. No need to apologize - I love reading comments & talking to people on here :) It makes me so happy to feel I've inspired someone, it really does & I plan on making a lot more videos soon! Jess xx