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I saw this with Englisch subtitles years ago....

Thanks for sharing this.... You must be now more than 70 years old . From which country you are ???

@@shivamji1234 I am 64 years old. I am American. I was a 20 year old university student in New York City when I decided that I wanted to take Sanyas. I did not know where OSHO was, and nobody would tell me where OSHO was. Osho was 10 km from me living at the castle in New Jersey. I lived at the Ranch in Oregon and Pune 2. I was too young to be at Pune 1. At the ranch, everybody seem to know each other from Pune 1 which made me feel a little left out and a little lonely because I did not know anybody. It is my nature to want to have a girlfriend or wife. I wanted a girlfriend at the ranch. I was 23 years old at the ranch and everybody else seem to be in the 30s or older. Women usually prefer a man a few years older than them. I think women are usually more mature than men their own age in some sort of way that makes it sensible for women to choose a man a few years older than them, so that so that they can be on the same level in relationships. So as a 23 year old at the ranch I should have found myself a 19-year-old woman to become my girlfriend. I met a 16-year-old ranch kid girl who had her parents living at the ranch who showed some interest in me. I was cleaning the showers at the University at the ranch and she was asking me about how I felt about me seeing her and her 16-year-old friend naked in the shower room. She was thinking that I would enjoy seeing naked 16 year old girls but she wanted me to verify that. I thought she was being very gregarious for a naked 16 year old girl. I was not able to answer her in a real time because I was not clear what I was feeling. My main issue at the time was being a natural man, and I was hoping that I was not sexually repressed. I was not very experienced at sex or relationships. The Ranch and Pune 2 were not a sex cult. I do not know if Pune was a sex cult whatever a sex cult is because I was not at Pune 1. I was invited to a walk by outside Jesus Grove ranch headquarters to stand by the path as Osho walked past me to go into the Jesus Grove farm house office. I felt intense shame as Osho walked past me. It was the shame that had made me concerned about being a natural man and sexual repression. Then a couple days the incident at the shower room in the Ranch university with the naked 16 year old girls happened. I only looked at those girls enough to make sure they did not notice me avoiding looking at them. So did I like seeing naked 16 year old girls? Had they been my girlfriends I would’ve loved to seeing them naked. They looked very good and I am attracted to women that look like them even if they are 16 year old girls and not really woman. They were innocent. This was not a stripper doing striptease. They were not teasing. I could not touch them or stare at them without violating my own rules. Seeing them naked but OK but not exactly fun. All I cared about with these naked girls around me was their comfort. My feeling was to protect them. I thought they deserved a protected girlhood. I did not want to intrude. But by asking the question the girl who seem to like me, maybe think about what would natural man do in that situation. If I was natural, would I rape her like a caveman? If I was natural, would I touch her shyly while drooling on myself like a shy retarded boy. Then I got it. I naturally care about people. What was natural for me was exactly what I had done which was to try to make the girls feel comfortable by doing my work, as if nothing unusual was happening and avoiding staring at the girls while also being careful to not blatantly, avoid looking at them because that also could make them feel uncomfortable. If the 16-year-old girl that asked me the question wanted a boyfriend and could not find any suitable boys I can understand why she might have got an interest in me because basically there were no people at the ranch between the ages of 16 and 23 so I was the closest to her age of anybody but the ranch kids and if the 16 year ranch boys were not mature enough for her 23 year old me was the next closest thing at the ranch to suitable boyfriend material if the 16 year ranch boys were either all taken or too immature. At Pune 2 I met a 24 year woman who told me that she had been a 19 year bus driver at the ranch. What I said about there being no 19 year olds at the Ranch is probably true but she was the exception to that. I had remembered her from the ranch with her dark wavy natural ringlet hair with beads in her hair and her cuteness. She told me that at the ranch she had wanted me to talk to her but I would not talk to her. In Pune in 1988 28 year old me and this 24 year woman fell in love and got married at around the same time as when I made Neelam show me her food pass. Last year after 35 years of love filled but difficult marriage my wife died. Her child abuse baggage from her having been child abused made our marriage difficult. I also brought some bad baggage to our marriage. But we loved and I am still in love with her.

I did my wife’s and my genealogy. Although I could not really crack the Lebanese side of her family, or my Swedish grandmother’s genealogy, I did find 20 pairs of common ancestors for my wife and I living in 1600s Massachusetts and Rhode Island. The most famous artist con ancestors was William Brewster from the mayflower, and I still occasionally use William Brewster as a pseudonym on Internet accounts. Martin Luther the protestant reformer’s brother is my ancestor. Both my mother and father have documented descents from Charlemagne. Now, if you start doing geological math And noticing how much people moved from place to place within Europe throughout the entire history of Europe you would come to the conclusion that everybody from Russia to Ukraine, to Latvia to Norway, to Ireland to Portugal, and Italy and Greece are all descended from Charlemagne. But having documented descents from Charlemagne is not so common. Governor Dudley of 1600s Massachusetts gives my mother her documented documented descent from Charlemagne and one of my ways of being 20,000 in line for the English throne. My father’s descent from Charlemagne through the Rhode island and New Jersey Throckmorton family. I had been searching for a common ancestor for my parents as a game and Charlemagne is their common ancestor but I wanted somebody more recent than Charlemagne and there was nobody.

@@shivamji1234 From country are you sounds like Indian English. Nothing wrong with that. I love India and Indians. Yatri from my story would remember me. He liked me a lot. I think Yatri was North Indian. He was my main informal Hindhi teacher but nobody told me that they were teaching me Hindi not Marathi and I forgot to ask them which language they were teaching me. The local Pune non-Sanyasin boys who worked in our kitchen enjoyed teaching me dirty words and swear words and then laughing when I would repeat the dirty words. I can not actually speak or understand Hindi but I know some words. I live in backwater inland small city California that is not what people think of when they think of California. My town has many Punjabis. I was in the hospital for 6 weeks last year. Most of my nurses were Punjabi. You would not expect any white gori person from my town to have ever traveled outside of the USA and definitely would not expect them to know any Hindi words. Before the hospital I had not realized how similar Punjabi was to Hindhi. I enjoyed shocking my Punjabi Nurses by for things in Hindi like to bring me some Pane Garim for my tea.

I can almost never edit my TH-cam posts. The system will not let me. I meant to write “from which country”. I was talking about Yatri the north Indian swami who taught me half of my Hindi. I think Yatri lived in Pune from Pune , all through the Ranch years and then in Pune 2 at least until Osho’s death. Yatri may still live in Pune. It is me that left Pune after Osho died.