I had a realization recently that my default is switched to negative. Meaning I see much, if not most of the world, in a negative light. Myself included. I hate that. It keeps me miserable. I need to switch my default to positive. It’s gonna take a lot of work but I can do it. It’s a habit. Like anything, it takes time to build.
My therapist also pointed out I’m stuck in victimhood. I didn’t realize that. I mean I have the right. I’ve had a tough fucking life… nothing has come easy. I have PTSD, ADHD, anxiety and depression. Through no fault of my own. I have the right to be a victim. But the problem is, that’s my go to. When I’m wronged I go straight to being the victim. And it’s disempowering. It weakens me. So that’s another habit I need to break. How do I do that? Acceptance. Accepting what happened. Accepting who I am today. Accepting things that happened did significant possibly permanent damage. I think by accepting what happened, no matter how horrific, I have a better chance at letting go.
I’m incredibly hard on myself. Have been my whole life. I’ve had therapists say I’m in the percentage of patients they’ve ever seen who pummel themselves the severest. That was hard to hear. So I need to be KIND to myself. Forcing it. Shutting down the negative, the vitriolic critic. Saying no. Fuck you, I’m not listening. Again, it takes work. But it IS possible. Change is possible. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Just try. It is doable. You can do it. You just have to make the choice to start. And the choice to stop accepting the harshness we place on ourselves.
Much love ✌🏻💪🏻❤️