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Dear Black Gay Men
United States
เข้าร่วมเมื่อ 11 ก.พ. 2013
New uploads every Wednesday and Thursday
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
www.dearblackgaymen.com
Join the group: groups/BlackBrownQueerCulture/
Music I Use For TH-cam:
th-cam.com/video/BCX9hWBUneM/w-d-xo.html
Instagram - jaithegentleman
Facebook - jaithegentleman
Twitter - jaithegentleman
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
www.dearblackgaymen.com
Join the group: groups/BlackBrownQueerCulture/
Music I Use For TH-cam:
th-cam.com/video/BCX9hWBUneM/w-d-xo.html
Instagram - jaithegentleman
Facebook - jaithegentleman
Twitter - jaithegentleman
Why bottoms are THE MOST HATED in gay culture | Armani Walton
Dating & culture LIVE ON TH-cam Thursdays at 8pm Eastern
Support the Channel: bit.ly/43lQ2N9
Listen to the podcast: tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Full Episode: patreon.com/dearblackgaymen
Chapters:
00:00 - Intro
00:12 - How did you find confidence as a bottom?
1:47 - Why is Black gay culture so hard on bottoms?
2:54 - Is Armani a masculine bottom?
➡️Connect with the Armani
armanijwalton
➡️ Shop DBGM Merch: www.dearblackgaymen.shop
➡️ Become an Insider: youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen/join
➡️ Join the newsletter: dearblackgaymen.substack.com
📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
YT: TH-cam.com/@dearblackgaymen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: JaiTheGentleman
www.dearblackgaymen.com
Support the Channel: bit.ly/43lQ2N9
Listen to the podcast: tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Full Episode: patreon.com/dearblackgaymen
Chapters:
00:00 - Intro
00:12 - How did you find confidence as a bottom?
1:47 - Why is Black gay culture so hard on bottoms?
2:54 - Is Armani a masculine bottom?
➡️Connect with the Armani
armanijwalton
➡️ Shop DBGM Merch: www.dearblackgaymen.shop
➡️ Become an Insider: youtube.com/@dearblackgaymen/join
➡️ Join the newsletter: dearblackgaymen.substack.com
📲 Subscribe to Dear Black Gay Men Podcast
Apple: tinyurl.com/5ymdtdx4
Spotify: tinyurl.com/2p9pye7s
YT: TH-cam.com/@dearblackgaymen
🎶 Theme music by The Passion HIFI
Our purpose is to be the voice of our culture: talking to Black gay men, about Black gay men and for Black gay men in ways that thinks us forward.
➡️ Connect with Jai The Gentleman
IG: JaiTheGentleman
www.dearblackgaymen.com
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I am hearing this brother talking, but all I'm hearing is insecurity, insecurity, and insecurity. The worst is to project you issues on other people
Which brother?
When I hear tops say they want a masculine bottom. It’s giving they want a straight man. Which will never happen.
Actually it's better being or saying your a bttm as a blk guy ..I'm verse .. but whenever I was on the apps I would always say bttm .. cause I know if I was to put verse or top ..u only going to get guys who want the BBC.. they don't care about what u look like etc etc... say your a bttm u may not getting many hits ...but u know those that do actually are interested in U❤.... what is sad is blk guys who say top on their profiles but really are verse or bttms ...cause they know they won't get that many messages if they say what they truly want ... 😂..
Why are bottoms the most hated in gay culture? Misogyny. specifically how men, both straight and gay men, look down on femininity and see it as inferior to masculinity. on top of that, a lot of gay men see it as "unbecoming" of a man to be feminine, many feminine gay men included (ironic as that may sound). however, there's a huge difference between how masculine gay men and feminine gay men view femininity in relationships, but both essentially boil down to retaining that heteronormative worldview of the inferiority of femininity. I find that feminine gay men, even after coming out, still pursue that ideal heterosexual relationship: a masculine top (the man) and a feminine bottom (the woman). a LOT of feminine gay men paradoxically look down on other feminine men, calling them faggots, "too gay", and most commonly, using "bottom" as a pejorative, even when they themselves are feminine bottoms. in many case (but not all), this comes from a place of self hate - they wish they were masculine, 6ft, and muscular, but at the same time want to live their truth in femininity, thus is born the strict feminine bottom - masculine top dichotomy. masculine men, on the other hand, can go two different directions. one follows the same direction of feminine men, i.e. replicating the heterosexual relationship and comfortably playing the role of "the man" as the top, and the other path is the one discussed in this video, in other words doubling down on the inferiority of femininity. a common sentiment thrown around is "I'm gay man, I'm attracted to men not women. if I wanted a feminine man I would just go be straight". which is why a lot of masculine tops want masculine bottoms. the psychology around masculine bottoms make the least sense to me. my theory is that it also stems from a place of self hate as seen in feminine bottoms. as stated, topping is associated with masculinity and bottoming is associated with femininity. so I interpret the appeal of masculine bottoms as "its already bad enough that you as a man are playing the role of the submissive, you might as well act like a man while you do it" tl;dr gay men still believe that masculinity is better than femininity, combined with the fact that topping is associated with masculinity and bottoming is associated with femininity, bottoms are seen as less than for not meeting the societal expectations of manhood.
No they don’t want YOU cause you’re not wat attracts them. I will NOT be visiting your page again! You’re small minded!
No YOURE dumb as hell for telling people wat should turn them in. You think everyone should be like you! Thats asinine! You’re a low information small minded IDIOT!
It’s not narrow minded up prefer a masculine man. It’s way u like and you have no control over that. I’ve missed out on some GREAT guys cause they wanted someone fem. I don’t hate on them. Thru like wat they like and they can’t control that. If that’s narrow minded then being gay is narrow minded wen u could just like women🤷🏾♂️
I’m looking forward to this discussion is definitely two different perspectives from the two. I will say I love being the top, however, it has its downfalls occasionally.
This video is what's wrong with the lgbt community. How can be upset with someone because they don't suck d? I thought our community was supposed to be accepting and tolerate. These guys are trying their best to sound intelligent and open minded but it's quite clear that all they have to offer to this conversation is their limited, uneducated opinion. THUMB DOWN.
Is it because bottoms tend to own their "submissive" role during sexual intercourse, and that ownership threatens others' misconception of submissiveness??
I’d say good bottoms own their whole agency: the sub and the dom, the masc and the femme, the wet and the gushy
Black tops love white, Latino, and Asian bottoms than black bottoms.
You think so? Why do you think that is?
alright.... I'll sub.
Glad we won you over. Thanks so much for the support tho
Bottoms are not the most hated 🙄 more bs
Who is more vilified in Black Gay culture than bottoms?
@dearblackgaymen I don't think who is more vilified? I think as a culture all together.. To me it just sounds more separation within culture. Not being mean. Just my opinion..
I don’t take it as mean. I really appreciate the dialogue. I do think, though, that among sexual minority men, we do have to acknowledge that feminine, receptive positions, and those who express their gender outside of social norms have a disproportionate burden in discrimination and social acceptance.
@dearblackgaymen I understand but don't acknowledge it for myself. 🤷
The world needs more @jaithegentlemen.
Too bad you only get one of me. Lol. I don’t know if the world could handle too many more of me.
I do not agree that guys who do not want their dude to sound like a chick in the bedroom are ignorant. Im a masc bottom, all dudes I’ve dealt with are masculine “tops” or verse top. lol these dudes like the fact that I present and act like a dude (with slight femininity due to submissiveness). We can’t blame them for not wanting to hear that, it’s a turn off.
The conflation of femininity and submission is what makes me give the side eye
All of that and that’s the one thing you commented on?! Are SOME feminine men not submissive? I associated that with ME, aside from the slight submissiveness which they consider feminine I am a masculine guy. Please don’t be confused
I dont know you nor do I consider feminist a negative quality. I wouldn’t have any issue with you either way. I agree with much of what you say, the only part that makes me wonder is the “femininity DUE TO submissiveness”. Yes feminine people can be submissive. But submissive can exist without femininity.
In the early 2000s when I first came out, there were more tops than bottoms so tops were more relationship oriented and there was more love. I feel like all bottoms need to take a break for a year, and reset the algorithm. Keep the cookies in the cookie jar and take your power back. Tops running the algorithm is clearly not working, for me at least
Algorithm is the word of the day and I’m here for it
Just asking: without bottoms what would geigh culture even be? What would it mean? I'm beginning to think geigh culture is as fraught as our straight culture.
Without bottoms, trans women, feminine men, and all of the other most marginalized groups, gay culture would be flannels and workboots
I appreciate a GOOD BOTTOM. But as a Top, it isn’t easy to find one.
I love all bottoms. I definitely respect. Top here. You have a new subscriber here. Digging this open dialogue.
Appreciate it. Tops are welcome here. Lol
Light skin dark skin my Asian persuasion I got them all that's why these girls out here hatin!!!
Isn't this a blk topic
Ok Janet. Lol
I just feel like some men's pursuit of masculine men has to do with their idea that they are despite being gay. They still want to come off seemingly straight to people or strangers around them.
I agree whole heartedly. It’s the highest form of self awareness to just be and acknowledge that Gay is whatever I act like because I’m gay. Not the other way around.
I honestly don’t think the top to bottom ratio is off lol. I think niggas aren’t looking in the right places or are very picky as to who they want.
What's a bottom?
A bottom is the receptive sexual partner
@@dearblackgaymen I thought so. Nice wording :D
@Desire4Sound try to be respectful. Make sure we’re sensitive around this part of the Internet.
@@dearblackgaymen yeah i try <3
It's always amazing to me how average to below average people are so confident. It boggles the mind. Also go ask anyone who is considered a masculine pretty boy if they have a problem with getting tops. And don't let them be a light skin black masculine pretty boy, then the world just open for them. They have every race creed & color and mostly tops running after them. If you don't get approach by tops, it just mean you don't look the part. And he is not masculine at all. Also stop trying to shame people for what they want and like.
This is kinda loaded. Idk how to respond
@@dearblackgaymen😂right!!!! I was reading like….ummmm.
lol. Y’all was waiting on how I was gonna tackle that one. But the deepest parts of my Texas roots want to just say “Bless your heart”
Straight people look at this for the nonsense it is. I literally watched a video where Hopes husband said he was “bi” and NOW he is straight??? It’s just entertaining watching delusional people (Hope) talk but at least they can acknowledge that it is not “straight behavior”. Conscious Lee gets paid to act like he does not know what is going on.
Its like tops want the bottoms to sound like Keith David while getting they guts slammed into cause porn acting has given them the idea that thats the ideal masc bottom.
Thank you for making videos for the gay community, I’m a Latino guy, not black but I like to look in and appreciate the views. I don’t agree with everything you say but I do appreciate you for diving deep as the gay community in general is on fire and it needs unity. 💜👏💪
I agree we need unity. Thank you for supporting with your views
This is one of the best topics! As a bottom, i appreciate this, and I agree 💯 !!
Phyne kat, you stay supporting this channel and ima start thinking you’re flirting with me. Lol
@dearblackgaymen 🤣🤣🤣🤣😘
@phynekat is it weird that kissy face emoji made me blush?
So he's gay. It makes perfect sense now
Sounds more like bi/pan/queer, or something else to me. Strictly gay men are not into trans women because what’s the point? A lot of gay men don’t even like fem gay men, so why would they be with a male who straight up looks and identifies as a woman?
I’m glad that you checked him by saying that taking dick is not inherently feminine, I agree that two masculine men diggin into each other is the most masculine thing you can ever experience and see. 5:05 👏👏👏
She’s right. Heterosexual ppl been saying that for years. We finally got one to say it out loud
I am a straight women.... I do believe in Trans attracted.. I am attracted to men ... If you look like an attractive man im attracted However once i see them naked with all there women parts im no Longer attracted seggulally i get the ick afterwards
HOLY CRAP I HAD NO clue he was married to a trans woman 😮!
He’s not
I love bottoms🎉🎉🎉
They LIT
@ exactly
First🎉🎉🎉
Much appreciated fam. Really appreciate the views and support
Love is love she said it perfectly hearts not parts
Hearts. Not. Parts. Thanks for the comments fam
I have a question that for non binary people. If someone who identifies as straight dates and desires non binary people does that make them not straight? Enby people don't identify as male or female. Also there is also scenarios with bisexual people dating straight people. Is that a queer relationship bc a queer person is in it? I mean I don't want to obsess over labels, just wondering yall opinions. Hope, quick question, if there is a straight man who only datea binary trans women who have had gender affirming surgeries, and will not interact with trans women who have p3n!ses then how would you label that? Are they different from the ones who are fine with either or prefer trans with it? And what about the ones who during the relationship have stayed after transition. Example: a man who dates a woman and as the relationship continues, their partner realizes they are trans and transitions to male. If that man stays because they fell in love with that partner, are they technically different in sexuality if they can still stay? Is that now a gay relationship?
I’m not nonbinary or GNC, but I’d offer you call them by whatever they identify as. People are people.
Gay people get the word CIS out of your vocabulary
I totally agree with her! The problem is a lot of trans people want to be viewed as heterosexual because they think there is something wrong with being gay. In reality if two biological men are in a relationship, they are not heterosexual.... and there's nothing wrong with that.
Help me understand how you’re connecting biological men with trans women, fren. I get the logic but how did you get to it?
I’m going to open a gay retirement home cuz baby, there will be a lot of lonely old gays in the future.
I love how she can call out her own hypocrisy
Self-awareness
Your husband is def not straight 😂 buuuuuuut he has the right to his beliefs. I just think it’s something he should also dissect.
That’s if he hasn’t already? I don’t want erase his identity, but if he calls it straight, I respect it too
@@dearblackgaymen You're right. I can understand and respect that too.
Definitely not straight... but a lot of men are still stigmatized if they are anything but straight. So, they have a hard time admitting it.
It depends does she/he have a penis???
Her husband is straight because she said he says he is. And that has nothing to do with whether Hope has a penis or a vagina. We have to stop pushing thought and beliefs on others. Yes, we can have an opinion but if he says he’s straight then he is. Now, if he says he’s straight because he’s scared of being anything else, then we can talk about it, but we also can’t assume that.
I really don’t think this is hard to understand 😅😂.
You’d be surprised at how difficult we make this
I'm A 100% BOTTOM But I Love The BODY! If You're Strictly A TOP And I Can't TOSS YOUR SALAD 😛 Then I'm Not Letting You Beat My SUGAR WALLS 🧱
The “sugar walls” took me out
Why is it considered/Labeled “the dark truth”
To get clicks and comments. Lol
Would love to get the three of you guys here in Minnesota let me know what would I need to do to make that work out
That’d be cute. If you’re serious, we can email about something
Speaking as a passable trans woman ...Hope is correct 👀...we are not a woman if we still have that Extra and the guys that date us is a homosexual that like ultra feminine boys that resemble a woman ...
In my experience, any man who identifies as 100% straight but strictly dates transwomen (pre-op or post-op), is NOT straight. The reason why he strictly goes after transwomen is because he knows that underneath all of the packaging is someone born male. That’s the key attraction, else why not just date cis women who look and act the exact same way? So, such men are NOT straight. Guys like this are typically closet homophobes, so to not seem like they’re part of the “freaks” and benefit from their proximity to straightness (or heteronormativity or the norm), they insist they’re not queer at all because “they’re only attracted to femininity”. They’re the ones who want to hide the relationship or keep things quiet because they know exactly what they’re doing. These are the same guys who are openly homophobes or will laugh at or make jokes against queer folk. And the reason they continue to exist comfortably is because transwomen also enjoy the fantasy of a straight man desiring them. It affirms their gender in their minds that a straight man of all people wants/needs them like he would want/need a biological woman. It makes them feel more woman. Now, if he identifies as 100% straight and dates biological women but doesn’t mind dating a post-op transwoman (who basically has only a vagina) and doesn’t seek or go after said women, then I could believe that he’s 100% straight. Especially if his encounter was accidental. But otherwise, these kind of men are users of the queer community. They want to eat their cake and have it. They typically don’t want to settle down with a transwoman or be in a meaningful relationship. They just want to use you for sex or use you to ease themselves into their own attraction to men.
ASAP Day One
6:18 aaannnd scene. that’s a wrap, folks everybody can go home now my good sis came through & she brought inclusivity with her. shoutout to the T and Q fam, i ♥️ y’all
Love this for her